Rick Santorum Vows Epic GOP Convention War on Usurping Paultards

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Good thing there won't be a concealed handgun ban at the RNC.

As foretold in Revelation, Lord of Lunatics Rick Santorum has warned that he is fortifying his followers for some kind of world-ending battle to fend off the interloping Paultard hordes at the Republican National Convention in Florida, in August. It will be sweaty. “I’m concerned that Ron Paul and some of his supporters out there are looking for a platform fight,” said Santorum, a statement that can surprisingly be described as “one hundred percent true” and also “a thing said by Rick Santorum.” Ron Paul’s supporters have indeed been wandering the countryside pillaging state GOP conventions and hauling off delegates who will be ransomed at the RNC for a larger fiefdom in the seating charts and a place of honor next to the Emperor Mittens during his coronation. Rick Santorum is not having any of this. WAR.

From Capitol Column:

In his more [sic] high profile appearance since leaving the race for the Republican presidential nomination, former Pennsylvania U.S. Senator Rick Santorum said Sunday that he is prepared to battle Texas Congressman Ron Paul for the loudest voice at this year’s Republican presidential convention.

“I like the platform that we have right now. I’m concerned that Ron Paul and some of his supporters out there are looking for a platform fight. And I want to make sure that we have strong, principled conservatives there who stood with me in our primary fight to go there and counterbalance the effect of the Paul folks,” said Mr. Santorum on ABC’s This Week.

We can already picture it: Thousands of Paultards decked in their tinfoil hats will be running around screaming out articles of the Constitution over and over like magic spells while the legions of Ol’ Frothy fans try to pelt their opponents to death with miniature Bibles. [Capitol Column; thanks to Wonkette operative "imissopus"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 164 comments }

Pragmatist2 June 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Win-Win

Terry June 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm

The more fighting and drama at the convention, the better.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:23 pm

The only thing that would be better would be if Zombie Mayor Daley staged a coup and became mayor of Tampa for the duration.

Nostrildamus June 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Some of our guys should have a booth outside the convention door:

"Down a 16-oz glass of Jim Beam, and win a free flame-thrower!!!"

Fairtackle June 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I am really struggling with the concept that I am looking forward to a Republican National convention. It is kinda like looking forward to tucking into a velveeta, headcheese and carp liver sandwich, but there it is.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Carp liver? (faints)

emmelemm June 11, 2012 at 3:43 pm

I haven't had lunch yet, damn you, and now I may never have lunch again.

miss_grundy June 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm

I really, really, really, hope they ramp up the hatred on all groups of people they hate and that this hatred is picked up during the televised portion of the convention so that the morons watching at home can see what kind of poop-heads are Republicans. That would be awesome!

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm

"he is prepared to battle Texas Congressman Ron Paul for the loudest voice at this year’s Republican presidential convention."

Forecasts predict it will be moderately to heavily shouty. Concealed carry for the win!

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I so want to see the battle between Santorum and the Paultards. One side will use smear tactics and dirt and then there's the Paultards.

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

He smeared me with Santorum. I could not stand my ground due to the slippery foulness. Had to shot everyone. Luv u Jesus.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

They'll be carrying, despite the City of Tampa BEGGING Rick Scott to intervene.

Why does Rick Scott hate the Republican Party?

WhatTheHeck June 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

and one side will use the power of the weed

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

o/~ Onward Christian soldiers, marching as to…whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! o/~

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Heaven forfend anything not be already 100% decided at a convention to decide your party's candidate for the highest office.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Ron Paul's delegates will have a new war-cry for the convention: "We will fuck your face off!"

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

TIMES UP!

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

While Santorum's crowd frowns on any fucking that has no realistic chance of resulting in pregnancy.

prommie June 11, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Does that mean we should call them "fuckfaces?"

hagajim June 11, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I imagine the tinfoil hats might deflect some of the froth being hurled though.

fartknocker June 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I asked Orville Redenbacher to send me a case of popcorn because this GOP convention will be truly entertaining.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

You might want to upgrade that to an entire pallet, fart. With all those concealed-carry 2nd-Amendment types hovering around, it might take a few weeks of forkliftin' to get all the bodies out.

redarmybarbie June 12, 2012 at 5:50 am

I can't deny, the schadenfreude would be overwhelmingly delicious…

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I'm-a just get one of those bags of pre-popped that they sell in the cotton-bale size. Won't have to get up so often.

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

STAND. YOUR. GROUND. Yeehaw. I heard on the slow night they are having a pack of bath-salted causeway cannibals run through the Paultards. Bang. Pow. Bam. Pa-Changgggg!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

It's gonna be WILD!

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Every bathroom from Dade City to Fort Myers will need the stalls widened for Wide Stance-yness.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:36 pm

No way, man, if you're trying to hide from bath-salted causeway cannibals, you do not want wide spaces for them to wriggle into.

Local_Mojo June 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

"Gird up thy loins, and take my staff in thine hand!" (2 Kings 4:29).

Why do they call it a Republican "party"?

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Because "A whole lot of buttsexxxy man lovin'" is just too many syllables for their base.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Um … OK. Hand me that staff.

WhatTheHeck June 11, 2012 at 3:41 pm

because thy rod and thy staff will be a comfort to many

OneDollarJuana June 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Ha! "Principled conservatives"! It is to laugh.

Tommmcattt June 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Rick, you do know you've gone back to being a tired internet meme, right? Now that they aren't hating on Mittens there's no use for you.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Is this like when the big orcs and the little orcs all killed each other in that one really long movie?

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Republican convention at the Tower of Cirith Ungol!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Sounds to be right down their alley.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

The Battle of Helm's FReep?

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Starring Sarah Palin as "cave troll"

PhilippePetain June 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Nice!

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Hemp's Freep!

Tundra Grifter June 11, 2012 at 5:14 pm

How about "Worse health insurance than the Orc Army dental plan?"

Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Paul's delegates probably want some radical reforms like making contraception legal and equal rights for women. Oh, and separation of church and state.

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Anyone will be allowed to sell anything and call it contraception. The market will sort out the fraud.

Women will have equal rights because it makes good business sense, and government should keep the hell out of it in the meanwhile.

Right, Ron?

Dr. Nick Riviera June 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Sure! I mean in the south segregation persisted for 100 years after the civil war with no evidence it was going to change but they probably would have gotten around to it eventually.

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Hi, Dr. Nick!

12X34X June 11, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Grandpa Paul sure doesn't want any equality for women. Too librul.

coolhandnuke June 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

A platform is a strong place to Stand Your Ground.
I hope it gets really messy/beautiful.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:13 pm

"Who's in your wallet?"

i_AM_ready June 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Romney is not big on showing leadership. He's more about acting entitled. But Santorum and RonPaul aren't pool boys or car elevator operators he can fire. Hey, this could be fun. Crazy 1 fights Crazy 2 while Romney looks the other way and wishes they would go away, and the country wonders, "Who ARE these people?"

metamarcisf June 11, 2012 at 3:14 pm

R.I.P Sam Drucker

elviouslyqueer June 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Thousands of Paultards decked in their tinfoil hats will be running around screaming out articles of the Constitution over and over like magic spells while the legions of Ol’ Frothy fans try to pelt their opponents to death with miniature Bibles.

Oh, this needs to happen PRONTO, except with enough guns to make the OK Corral look like a quilting bee. Oh, and plenty of Super Soakers filled with H2SO4, for good measure.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Charlie was a chemist
But Charlie is no more
What Charlie thought was H20
Was H2S04

word_34 June 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

while the legions of Ol’ Frothy fans try to pelt their opponents to death with miniature Bibles and balls of santorum.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Furries vs. Sweater Vests. Good taste is the greatest victim of all.

mavenmaven June 11, 2012 at 3:15 pm

It sounds like they are girding for an epic sh!#fight.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Well, the Paultrads ain't nothin' if they're not poo-flingers, so wear a splatter suit and stand well back.

elburritodeluxe June 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Santorum pretty much has a lock on the unborn delegates.

Antispandex June 12, 2012 at 12:29 am

How did that happen? I don't remember deleting anything…Is that you Congressman Paul? I was really trying to defend you…well take a shot at Rick, really, but hey…

UnholyMoses June 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Two things:

1. Why the hell did the writer of the original piece write "former Pennsylvania U.S. Senator"? Is there another Pennsylvania somewhere in, say, Guatemala that people might confuse with the one here in the U.S.ofA.? Remember, kids: Use AP Style with discretion, not blind loyalty.

2. Whilst thinking about how this will end up, this video keeps running through my mind

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Isn't there a Pennsylvania in Rumania? Where that Dracula guy came from?

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

"Pardon me boy, is that the Transylvania Station?"
"Ja, ja, Transylvania!"

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Pardon me boy,
Is that the cat that chewed yer new shoes?

UnholyMoses June 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Well, Ricky does suck, so …

And given the American educational system, maybe it is necessary.

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Could have been a State Senator from Penna. There is a difference between State and US Senators. But the thing you must remember is PA sucks.

UnholyMoses June 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Then it should have been "former Senator from Pennsylvania etc.etc. etc."

And, yes, I'm an writer/editor by trade (though much, much better at the former than the latter … as proven in this thread).

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Yes, but you know PA sucks.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Well, now, if he just said "Former Pennsylvania Senator," he *could* mean a state senator.

emmelemm June 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I have no idea what's going on in that video, but I was really hoping it was actually going to capture a lightening bolt (from the sky) hitting one of those people.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 11, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Whats funny is that Ron Paul isn't even leading them as far as I know. They're just running on this illusion of a principled Ron Paul whereas the real Ron Paul is hoping to get his son into the White House

Pragmatist2 June 11, 2012 at 4:03 pm

It's worse than that. They think Rand Paul is Ron Paul's son with Ayn Rand – when he is actually named after Sally Rand

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Yup. While they're sobbing gallons of tears about Rand's betrayal of his father, Daddy Ron is counting up the MorMoney Millions and angling for his son's appointment.

Negropolis June 12, 2012 at 3:00 am

He's not leading them, but he did endorse the idea of causing hell at the convention through the active poaching of delegates.

OneYieldRegular June 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

The only way this could get any uglier is if Sarah Palin shows up trying to be of service to her country.

elviouslyqueer June 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Please. The only thing Sarah's serviced lately is Greta Van Susteren.

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Sniping from a helicopter. Or on Fox News. Or both.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Well, if you think about it, they're both pretty much the same thing.

elburritodeluxe June 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm

It will be like the Race War that Ron Paul promised us in his newsletters!

Infrogmation June 11, 2012 at 3:20 pm

But, what is Santorum going to do to address the Penguin Menace?

rickmaci June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I heard Santohorrible will be the leader of the pro-ice groups there.

Antispandex June 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Oh, and BTW, if it's like this:

"We can already picture it: Thousands of Paultards decked in their tinfoil hats will be running around screaming out articles of the Constitution over and over like magic spells while the legions of Ol’ Frothy fans try to pelt their opponents to death with miniature Bibles."

I am so buying a bottle of Boodles, a little tonic, a lime or two, and watching that shit!

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:31 pm

No, no too subtle. Methinks being an Agent Provocateur is the way, the light, the path to lolz.
"Dude, that pedo lookin' dude in the sweater vest just called for k-9 units to search for weed."
&
"You know, I heard the Paultards were instrumental in google bombing your name and the buttsex/lube/poop thing. They ARE on the internet a lot. "
&
"I think he's got a gun."

Joshua Norton June 11, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Speaking to reporters Friday at a conference, Mr. Santorum said his supporters are ready for “a fight”

Oh, c'mon guys. If you treat a psychopath like Santorum with empathy you just create a more functional psycopath.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:46 pm

I don't know if Santorum is stupid or ignorant, but those Praultads are not too securely fastened in the penthouse areas. If they decide to respond, there WILL be a shooting match at the convention.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I predict many broken fingers and dislocated artificial hips.

emmelemm June 11, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Overturned Hoverrounds?

Dr. Nick Riviera June 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Eventually the Republican Convention will just be held in an auction house. "What bid for one presidential nomination?"

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Or a trading pit:

I wager 400 quatloos on the newcomer in the sweater vest!

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 3:52 pm

"Sorry, Mr. Gingrich, we don't take credit."

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:32 pm

or Whore Diamonds.

SayItWithWookies June 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

It's so nice to see that these two different sects of pure insanity, having found themselves in the same party, are reaching for some common ground — namely that the other group is a bunch of witless fanatical traitors and should be permanently exiled.

UnholyMoses June 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Ricky could have offered his folks a pair of camels for every dead Paultard.

I'm not saying he should have, 'cause that'd be wishing for someone's death.

Just could have.

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Alright, GOP, show up in Tampa in your PLATFORM SHOES!

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:33 pm

The BDSM trade will be where the money is. All those real money GOPers wanting "Sissy Slut Training." Which means, "getting f-ed up the a– with a strap-on."

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:48 pm

It's called "pegging" these days. Giving a whole new, um, depth of meaning to "taking it like a man."

elburritodeluxe June 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Nice try, Santorum supporters, but years of D&D, RPGs and cosplay have prepared Paultards for this, the final battle!

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

QAPLA'!

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Ya harri hoy!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 4:12 pm

The Santorum supporters won't be able to get out of their hoverrounds before being swarmed, en masse, by screaming Paultrads with sticky orange fingers.

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm

YAHTZEE!

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Many lawns were trod in the Great Battle of '12…

WunkRocker June 11, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Annie Sprinkle lightly with some Snowbilly Grifter Cuntmentary.

Jus_Wonderin June 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Miniture Bibles sting. Or maybe it's just me…they burn.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Um … can you see your reflection in a mirror, sweetie?

OldWhiteLies June 11, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Epic battle it won't be. More BatShitWingNutz' misplaced gravitas.

I picture sweater vests & hoverounds vs tin-foyleez (& hoverounds?). Five minutes from the bell and they'll all be sweating and panting from overexertion, mopping their pasty foreheads. It'll be a damn funny five minutes though.

Baconzgood June 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

"he is prepared to battle Texas Congressman Ron Paul for the loudest voice at this year’s Republican presidential convention." Notice how he didn't say the most reasoned platform.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Ya gotta go wit' wut you got.

Reason, he ain't got.

UnholyMoses June 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Santorum will never go away — just keep oozing into places you never expect or want.

Jus_Wonderin June 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Wait for it……….How does this affect Sarah Palin?

Baconzgood June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

*clearing throat noise*

loudest voice at this year’s Republican

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Anything that isn't about Sarah Palin automatically affects her, by giving her a sad.

poorgradstudent June 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Damn, it's like if the Republic of Molossia got into a war with Andorra.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I will be taking bets on how many delegates get their faces eaten off before the end of this convention.

EDIT: Hopefully all of them.

UnholyMoses June 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I will be taking bets on how many delegates get their faces eaten fucked off before the end of this convention.

Fixed for greatest Wonketteness!!

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

How about we go to Tampa and get a vendor's booth in the convention center to sell Skittles and Arizona Iced Tea? What could go wrong?

emmelemm June 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Who cares, we'd make a million!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Don't forget to stock bath salts for the lulz.

anniegetyerfun June 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Ron Paul’s supporters have been wandering the countryside pillaging state GOP conventions and hauling off delegates who will be ransomed at the RNC for a larger fiefdom in the seating charts and a place of honor next to Emperor Mittens during his coronation.

When you play the Game of Thrones, you win, or you go Galt.

ManchuCandidate June 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

So the theme of this year's GOPer convention is "Life of Brian"

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Shoe or gourd?

niblick77 June 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

It would be nice if someone donated some laser swords to put in the GOP Convention gift bags. Just saying! I would not like to see an unfair fight breakout.

widestanceromance June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

How about broken bottle tops and metal chairs?

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

They'll all already be packing (as Jesus intended), so all you need to do is include a few extra magazines in the swag bags.

You'd probably be better off with larger calibers, as nothing compensates for a lack of marksmanship (and a small penis) like an oversized gun.

GortRay June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Google Santorum forever! Google Santorum lives! Free Google Santorum!

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:38 pm

We're gonna need a bigger convention center.

Ryy June 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Dear god! Bible thumping war monger tards vs constitution freedom tards, in a stadium, in Florida!!! I just hope it doesn't go pay-per-view, I'm short on scratch.

Baconzgood June 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm

How ya like them carry laws now GOP?

Nostrildamus June 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Florida GOP and caries are a natural pair.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:53 pm

The City of Tampa has been weeping into its collective handkerchief since its Governor gave it the news. It's gonna be the OK Corral, man, and I'm only half kidding.

Baconzgood June 11, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Their is going to be more childish screaming than a Spice Girls concert opening for Justin Bieber.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Spice girls? It's so cute when you try to be timely.

Shypixel June 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Is it un-American to hope for just one little bombing at a certain upcoming convention?

SoBeach June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Yes.

It's okay to hope for angry, fat and/or old delegates throwing pathetic haymakers at each other on live television though.

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 3:57 pm

That's all live TV is these days to begin with!

OneYieldRegular June 11, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Shirts (sweater vests) vs. skins (tattooed with "RONPAULREVOLUTION2012!!!!").

Guppy June 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm

The tattoos have the "2008" bit scratched out.

SoBeach June 11, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Let's not forget the convention takes place near the peak of the Atlantic hurricane season. And Tampa's due for a hit.

Rabid small government teatards trapped in a convention center with no water crying out for federal help like socialist superdome blah people, anyone?

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

I like the way you think.

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I am so praying for Tampa to get reformatted by a category 5 hurricane on the second day of the convention.

widestanceromance June 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

The ultimate showdown between old crackler and butt spackler!

emmelemm June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

It took me a while to figure out ECT, but, um, yeah.

ingloriousbytch June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Is there any way we can arrange to spike the water supply at the convention hall with those newfangled "bath salts" that have all the kids turning into cannibals? Then we can just turn off the air conditioning, turn on the strobe lights, chain the doors and let nature take its course.

GortRay June 11, 2012 at 3:46 pm

There is nothing more bizarre or grotesque than a Republic(sic, in accordance with usage rule that "Democrat" Party is correct) Party convention. The wheezing, drooling epsilons in their flag-emblazoned sweater vests and straw hats are just too fucking weird for words. And this one should be a doozy!

Oblios_Cap June 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I hope The Boss comes back through Tampa post-convention to exorcise the demons from the Ice Palace.

pdiddycornchips June 11, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Paultards on one end, Frothies on the other. Snowbilly grifter in the middle. It''ll be just a Sergio leone movie.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Blondiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!!!

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 3:54 pm

A Fistfull of Santorum

prommie June 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Looks like I got me a super-bad case of the Mondays, cause I aint laughing at nothing.

LibertyLover June 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Will Rick be fighting this war in his sleeveless sweater vests? That would be teh awesome!

RedneckMuslin June 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm

What else would he be good for?

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 5:42 pm

(thinks)

I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Blueb4sunrise June 11, 2012 at 4:00 pm

I'll bet there's Paulistas trashing Santorum all over the intertoobs this very moment, but I'm too lazy to go find links.

randcoolcatdaddy June 11, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I hate reruns. I already saw this convention with the Democrats in 1968.

owhatever June 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Paultards respond by hiring the imp and the mother of dragons from Games of Thrones to lead their platform fight.

jerichothedrifter June 11, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Please, please, please let this happen.

I'll pop the popcorn and bring some cold beers.

Steverino247 June 11, 2012 at 4:49 pm

It takes a long time to say anything in Old Wingnuttish.

Warpde June 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Only Rick Santorum would still be worried by Paul.
But I guess when your hearing voices on a regular basis and not changing up the med's your'e going to see more then Ozzy on a bad trip.

SorosBot June 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Late to the party, but I just want to say that "a statement that can surprisingly be described as “one hundred percent true” and also “a thing said by Rick Santorum.”" is awesome.

ttommyunger June 11, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I smell a bitch-slapping.

viennawoods13 June 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Heavens, for a moment that read "interlubes" to me

imissopus June 11, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Whadda ya know, that tips email really works. I thought for sure this was clickie bait that would attract Paulbots in droves, though. Maybe they are all recovering from some epic LARP convention this weekend.

extreme_left June 11, 2012 at 7:07 pm

I look forward to this epic battle between various sub-species of retards, please make sure operatives are on hand to film this glorious clash of stupid.

NYNYNYjr June 11, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Will concealed hand guns really be an issue at the convention? I see the handguns being out, in sight, with the safeties off.

aklibtard June 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

We just had our own paul-tard revolt up here. The GOP held their second convention (in a tax-exempt megachurch of course), because said paul-tards stormed the first convention and cut the head off the party chair. Well, time does not tick by fast enough for them, so they wanted a second convention so they could storm the gates again to change the party rules so that their new chair is seated immediately instead of waiting. This is where the good part comes in. The sitting chair started publically telling all other delegates not to come to the convention so that the paul-tards wouldn't have a quorum. It worked. So all the paul-tards (some of whom had spent $1000+ to come in from rural AK) gnashed their teeth and screamed about how their liberty was being trampled because they couldn't steal Mittens' delegates. The end.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: