The smartest guyThere is a reason Supreme Court judges have a life sentence on the bench and that is so they can be free to render unpopular decisions unmolested by the vagaries of popular opinion stick their finger in the wind and do whatever the vacuous hordes yell for from behind their double-stuffed KFC. Ask noted constitutional scholar Mike Huckabee, the folksy, empathetic, guitar-playing preacher man who just totally gets it! “Hurdy durdy flurp,” said Mike Huckabee, “the people they do not like this Obamacare and the Supreme Court has terrible approval numbers right now, so the Supreme Court should juice its numbers a little bit by giving the people what they want!” That is what he said, verbatim, we totally spent nine hours transcribing it. But why is the Supreme Court so unpopular? It probably has nothing to do with one very famously nakedly political decision, Citizens United, or that other one that was famously nakedly political and which we have blocked out, for our blood pressure (and alcohol level). DEFINITELY double-down on being more political, dudes and chicks!

Anyway, according to The Huck, the Supremes (led by Chief Justice Comacho) should kill Obamacare so people will like them again, and also because it is “bad policy.” We do not remember the part of Marbury v. Madison where the Supreme Court decides policy rather than constitutionality, but we do not have a show on Fox!

What other important decisions have been made because they were super-duper popular with all the people? We don’t know, this is Wonkette, not African American Studies 101, but we would go with “the ones what let whites and coloreds marry with each other” and “the ones what say little black children can go to school with little white children” and all the rest of those. It is just obvious that the Court should pander to the people, all of the time, is what we are saying we think.

Here, watch a scumbag being a know-nothing idjit.


Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • nounverb911

    I dare Alito to pose nude for the Playgirl centerfold.

    • Y'know, there are some things that cannot be seen that also cannot be unseen.

    • HippieEsq

      SCOTUS says indecency is one of those things where "you know it when you see it". Or, it's any reference to a naked Justice.

  • I think chubs just wants to see Scalia's wiener (Antonin himself hasn't seen it in years).

    • He doesn't need to. He gets off on Citizens' United and shit like that. Better than a two-dollar Hoor.

  • chascates

    This guy was actually governor of a state? One of our states?

    • BerkeleyBear

      Yeah, but just Arkansas. Not like somewhere we'd expect a President to come from (sure, sure, Clinton, but he's an outlier vindicating the basic ludicrousness of anything decent coming from there).

    • sharethegrief

      Arkansas, where you enroll in 1st grade along with your kid.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Heck, there was a time not too long ago when Democrats had a warmfuzzy for him because he's so moderate for a Republican.

  • I just got a craving for squirrel meat. Weird.

  • anniegetyerfun

    He has Pekingese eyes. They're like Bette Davis eyes, but more outward-looking.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Apparently some of the weight the Huckster lost was behind his eyes.

  • Goonemeritus

    If the Supreme Court gave the majority of Americans what they want we would all be chugging spackle buckets of waffle batter.

    • freakishlywrong

      And dipping our KFC Double Downs in it

    • Generation[redacted]

      (puts down spackle bucket) What?

  • Beowoof

    What a dipshit. The court is not supposed to be grinding political axes, rather they should be protecting the rights enumerated in the constitution for all Americans. Oh wait, sorry, I was thinking again and I know that Mike and others of his ilk don't like to do that.

    • Here, drink some Brawndo. It's got electrolytes

      • Not_So_Much

        It's what plants crave.

    • Sassomatic

      It's so cute how you think all that shit you were taught in school about how our government works is true.

  • prommie

    I don't know how they could be more nakedly political, since the Coup that installed W. Fucking Scalia is so pumped up with his feelings of invincibility he goes around to conservative conferences all the time and cackles about his plans to be nakedly political at every opportunity, and when the retarded one, Thomas, opens his mouth, it is only to mumble "Ima fuck you liberals up for noticing I'm a retard."

    • freakishlywrong

      That crazy wife of his WHO LOBBIED AGAINST ACA is no day at the beach either.

      • More like a day in the nuthouse, frankly. Can you imagine being drunk-dialed by her at three ay emmish?

  • edgydrifter

    More of that old-fashioned, homespun Mike Huckabee common nonsense.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I thought the Supremes tried "let's all decide what's popular and the Hell with the law" in Dred Scott – and we all know that turned out well.

  • As long as no one demands that Huck get naked, politically or otherwise period.

  • mavenmaven

    Because really the Supreme Court needs to answer to Jesus, and you know where Jesus stands on Obamacare.

  • Not_So_Much

    The only thing I want to see out of them that might improve my opinion would be if they go full Thunderdome. I think Bader Ginsburg would make Scalia squeal like a pig.

    • I'm gonna break your heart here, Not_So_Much — that's what Scalia sounds like ALLA da time.

    • Hack the bone, Ruth! HACK THE BONE!

  • DocChaos

    If we must see naked judges, I'd prefer the ones on America's Top Model over the SCOTUS.

  • I just fell out of my chair!

    • Well, climb right back up on it, young man.

  • gullywompr

    Ed Rendell was just barely able to turn his reflexive face-palming into a wiping of his eyes, but he couldn't stop himself from smirking. Gee, wonder what he was thinking right then?

  • freakishlywrong

    He lobbed this from the safety that is the Mensa meeting of Sunday a.m. banality. I believe he didn't have the biggest Adam's apple on that "roundtable". The shit stirrer, Coulter is now an expert on the economy.

  • IncenseDebate

    Justice is blind and naked. Kinda hot.

    • Only if you're playing Blind Gynecologist.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This guy is definitely part of the problem.

  • Fairtackle

    Sucking down cheeseburgers was a much better use of Huckabee's mouth.

  • fartknocker

    Huck is a closeted birther who has a radio and Tee Vee show. Last week I learned of a 14- year old who also has a rad-did-eo show who is a racist and will be bloviating complete horseshit for the rest of my life. If you have a mass media show where you get to spew your bullshit opinion, I won't listen.

    • We heard yesterday that the kid lost his show. Now if only Huckster would lose his!

  • Finally someone gets it! The Pope, The Hague and the Trilateral Commission should take a lesson from this as well!

  • When I was growing up I had "Profiles in Courage" – today's kids have Snookie.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ha ha — the Supreme Court that said eminent domain can pretty much be applied for any reason whatsoever has no Constitutionally consistent basis for overturning the individual mandate. Which of course means that it's toast, probably, since John Roberts is hell-bent on leading us back to the Gilded Age.

    Also, Huckabee plays the bass, not the guitar — and while good bass playing is a real talent (cf. Jacko Pastorius, Brian Entwhistle, etc.), bad bass playing is only 2/3 as much effort as crappy guitar playing.


    • GunToting[Redacted]

      JOHN "Ox" Entwhistle libel!

      • SayItWithWookies

        Oh crap — thanks for the correction. Also, he played a five-stringed bass. I saw him after he'd left The Who and was touring with some crappy band I'd never heard of before, but went just to see him — it was worth it.

        Apparently my music trivia module needs updating, as yesterday I identified pop music abomination Mike and the Mechanics as the force behind pop music abomination "Kyrie Elaison" when in reality it was pop music abomination Mr. Mister.

        • GunToting[Redacted]

          S'ok… I just happened to be watching the Ox Cam video of "Don't Get Fooled Again" and recalling what a monster player he was.

    • Generation[redacted]

      The yachts have snuck right past the Gilded Age and are sailing into a Dickensian future. After Citizens United, I fully expect the ACA ruling to make indentured servitude legal.

      • scvirginia

        It isn't already legal? Isn't that what PayDay loanz are for?

        (Now I have 'Yacht Dance' going through my head- hey thanks!)


  • Schmannnity

    Give the people what they want! Cream pies in the faces of Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Roberts followed by noogies.

  • Schmannnity

    Let's just replace the Supreme Court with 5 or so blond "Fox Legal Analysts."

  • JustPixelz

    "Justices Gone Wild® IV" on DVD and "Blue" Ray.

    Get under the robes of the Supremes as they get active with the Fox News blondes. They'll use their gavels to lay down big rulings. Will they have the constitution for it?

    Special bonus feature: Clarence Thomas re-enacts porn scenes he claims he never spoke to Anita Hill about. Really.

    • Wait til you see Kennedy bang down his gravel!

  • Huckabeebee is walking, and unfortunately talking, guitar libel.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The supremes are so over. The last hit they had was Lawrence v Texas. That one had a good beat and I could dance to it.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Saying the Supreme Court should be more political is like saying that chocolate cake needs more anchovies. Or that Mike Huckabee needs more chocolate cake.

  • niblick77

    I missed that show on Sunday, I was mowing my lawn!

  • “Hurdy durdy flurp”? I didn't know Mike Huckabee was Swedish!

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Not technically, but his producers feed him a fuck-ton of swedish fish during commercial breaks.

    • MosesInvests

      Bork, bork, bork!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    So Chuckles is saying that the SCOTUS should run for president?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    That Huckabee knows a thing or two about stuff, and he also plays a mean bass-banjo.


    • So you're saying you CAN play Dueling Banjoes on the bass?

  • ttommyunger

    I am almost persuaded, Preacher; but I want to hear what Ted Nugent has to say on the subject before committing.

    • Schmannnity

      Wang Dang Sweet Supreme Court Poontang.

      • ttommyunger

        He and Nugent both play at the git-fiddle, but it sounds like a Banjo Duet to me, every time.

        • Schmannnity

          Banjo Duel *fixed*

          • ttommyunger

            Does a duel between two half-wits make a whole wit? Jus wonderen….

          • scvirginia

            Or a holy writ?

          • ttommyunger

            Assholy, maybe.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Huck's a preacher. Huck knows from which he speaks – because all this is in the Jesus Book. It goes like this: Jesus, health care, low poll numbers, Jesus not sorry, something something, Jesus die.

  • Antispandex

    You know, Mike, when they do that we get awfull decisions like Dred Scott vs Sanford. Oh, you knew that and were perfectly fine with it? OK, never mind then.

  • Sad but true: we have SO many assholes vying for the title that George Tierney Jr. of South Carolina just couldn't hang on to that title NO MOAR.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Here's a key difference between liberals and conservatives. If you're a liberal governor who was in office when a convicted felon was furloughed under a rehabilitation program that you supported commits a crime it destroys your political career and you will never, ever be on television again. If you're a conservative governor and you pardon a convicted felon who commits rape and murder and another convicted felon who murders four police officers you get a gig on Fox news and are still considered to be a potential presidential candidate.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, sure, but you're leaving out the most important part! The original victim of one of the people who was pardoned was a very distant relative of Bill Clinton. So the felon was obviously railroaded by vindictive Democrats.

      Also he converted to fundamentalist Christianity, totally really. So he was a completely different person when he was pardoned. Satan must have gotten to him later when Jesus wasn't looking.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Yes, Mike, the 70% who don't want Obamacare will influence the Justices' decision, because the majority rules, or whatever. When people take Bible classes, why can't they make them take logic and rhetoric, too?

  • owhatever

    So the justices are surrounded by rooms of lawbooks, but will base their decision on what a news poll says? OK, I can understand Uncle Clarence doing that when he's not banging a clerk, but some of the others may try a little harder.

    Huckbee is just a silly boy and should stick to urging that abortion should be taught in all private schools operated by churches that accept federal and state and local tax breaks.

  • Shypixel

    I'm with the Huckster on this one. In fact, I'll go a step further and say we should just replace the Supremes with one of those really official looking old Bibles. When we have a question of constitutionality, any sufficiently rabid right-wing preacher can just hold his (because it will ALWAYS be a man) hand over the magic book and recite the magic mumbo-jumbo, then announce that whatever his personal feeling happen to be are also the personal feelings of the God of Creation, author of the Constitution.

    Easy enough?

  • Sassomatic

    I say we just require that they be naked. That way we can see who gets a boner when they talk about gay marriage.

    • Shypixel

      or at least discover why Clarence never asks questions…. and why he keeps one hand under his robe…

  • sullivanst

    I'm so very thankful that Huckabee (a) has no apparent interest in exerting the kind of effort that it takes to run a serious Presidential campaign again, and (b) has a show on Fox on which he has taken the opportunity to reveal himself for the loathesome, hate-filled, putrid excuse of humanity that he is.

    There was a time when even well-informed liberals found him and his schtick "likeable" and failed to point out the vile bigotry he advanced as policy. Which is to say, there was a time he seemed terrifyingly "electable".

  • KPod

    "Hurdy, durdy, flurp."

    I love you. Marry me.

    • well we need to get that p score up don't we?

Previous articleNational Review Redefines Abortion To Mean ‘Having A Uterus,’ Basically
Next articleWhat We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar