ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FOX HOST?  1:18 pm June 11, 2012

Noted Constitutional Scholar Mike Huckabee: Supreme Court Should Be More Nakedly Political (Video)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

The smartest guyThere is a reason Supreme Court judges have a life sentence on the bench and that is so they can be free to render unpopular decisions unmolested by the vagaries of popular opinion stick their finger in the wind and do whatever the vacuous hordes yell for from behind their double-stuffed KFC. Ask noted constitutional scholar Mike Huckabee, the folksy, empathetic, guitar-playing preacher man who just totally gets it! “Hurdy durdy flurp,” said Mike Huckabee, “the people they do not like this Obamacare and the Supreme Court has terrible approval numbers right now, so the Supreme Court should juice its numbers a little bit by giving the people what they want!” That is what he said, verbatim, we totally spent nine hours transcribing it. But why is the Supreme Court so unpopular? It probably has nothing to do with one very famously nakedly political decision, Citizens United, or that other one that was famously nakedly political and which we have blocked out, for our blood pressure (and alcohol level). DEFINITELY double-down on being more political, dudes and chicks!

Anyway, according to The Huck, the Supremes (led by Chief Justice Comacho) should kill Obamacare so people will like them again, and also because it is “bad policy.” We do not remember the part of Marbury v. Madison where the Supreme Court decides policy rather than constitutionality, but we do not have a show on Fox!

What other important decisions have been made because they were super-duper popular with all the people? We don’t know, this is Wonkette, not African American Studies 101, but we would go with “the ones what let whites and coloreds marry with each other” and “the ones what say little black children can go to school with little white children” and all the rest of those. It is just obvious that the Court should pander to the people, all of the time, is what we are saying we think.

Here, watch a scumbag being a know-nothing idjit.


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nounverb911 June 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I dare Alito to pose nude for the Playgirl centerfold.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Y'know, there are some things that cannot be seen that also cannot be unseen.

HippieEsq June 11, 2012 at 1:55 pm

SCOTUS says indecency is one of those things where "you know it when you see it". Or, it's any reference to a naked Justice.

Chill_Bill June 11, 2012 at 1:21 pm

I think chubs just wants to see Scalia's wiener (Antonin himself hasn't seen it in years).

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 2:11 pm

He doesn't need to. He gets off on Citizens' United and shit like that. Better than a two-dollar Hoor.

chascates June 11, 2012 at 1:21 pm

This guy was actually governor of a state? One of our states?

BerkeleyBear June 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Yeah, but just Arkansas. Not like somewhere we'd expect a President to come from (sure, sure, Clinton, but he's an outlier vindicating the basic ludicrousness of anything decent coming from there).

sharethegrief June 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Arkansas, where you enroll in 1st grade along with your kid.

Naked_Bunny June 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Heck, there was a time not too long ago when Democrats had a warmfuzzy for him because he's so moderate for a Republican.

Spurning Beer June 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I just got a craving for squirrel meat. Weird.

gurukalehuru June 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Blenderized. mmmm mmmmm.

anniegetyerfun June 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm

He has Pekingese eyes. They're like Bette Davis eyes, but more outward-looking.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Annie! You've changed!

OneDollarJuana June 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Apparently some of the weight the Huckster lost was behind his eyes.

Goonemeritus June 11, 2012 at 1:24 pm

If the Supreme Court gave the majority of Americans what they want we would all be chugging spackle buckets of waffle batter.

freakishlywrong June 11, 2012 at 1:28 pm

And dipping our KFC Double Downs in it

Generation[redacted] June 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

(puts down spackle bucket) What?

Beowoof June 11, 2012 at 1:24 pm

What a dipshit. The court is not supposed to be grinding political axes, rather they should be protecting the rights enumerated in the constitution for all Americans. Oh wait, sorry, I was thinking again and I know that Mike and others of his ilk don't like to do that.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Here, drink some Brawndo. It's got electrolytes

Not_So_Much June 11, 2012 at 1:51 pm

It's what plants crave.

Sassomatic June 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

It's so cute how you think all that shit you were taught in school about how our government works is true.

prommie June 11, 2012 at 1:24 pm

I don't know how they could be more nakedly political, since the Coup that installed W. Fucking Scalia is so pumped up with his feelings of invincibility he goes around to conservative conferences all the time and cackles about his plans to be nakedly political at every opportunity, and when the retarded one, Thomas, opens his mouth, it is only to mumble "Ima fuck you liberals up for noticing I'm a retard."

freakishlywrong June 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

That crazy wife of his WHO LOBBIED AGAINST ACA is no day at the beach either.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 2:12 pm

More like a day in the nuthouse, frankly. Can you imagine being drunk-dialed by her at three ay emmish?

edgydrifter June 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

More of that old-fashioned, homespun Mike Huckabee common nonsense.

Tundra Grifter June 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

I thought the Supremes tried "let's all decide what's popular and the Hell with the law" in Dred Scott – and we all know that turned out well.

ManchuCandidate June 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

As long as no one demands that Huck get naked, politically or otherwise period.

mavenmaven June 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Because really the Supreme Court needs to answer to Jesus, and you know where Jesus stands on Obamacare.

Not_So_Much June 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

The only thing I want to see out of them that might improve my opinion would be if they go full Thunderdome. I think Bader Ginsburg would make Scalia squeal like a pig.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I'm gonna break your heart here, Not_So_Much — that's what Scalia sounds like ALLA da time.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Hack the bone, Ruth! HACK THE BONE!

DocChaos June 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

If we must see naked judges, I'd prefer the ones on America's Top Model over the SCOTUS.

DerrickWildcat June 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm

I just fell out of my chair!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Well, climb right back up on it, young man.

gullywompr June 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Ed Rendell was just barely able to turn his reflexive face-palming into a wiping of his eyes, but he couldn't stop himself from smirking. Gee, wonder what he was thinking right then?

freakishlywrong June 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

He lobbed this from the safety that is the Mensa meeting of Sunday a.m. banality. I believe he didn't have the biggest Adam's apple on that "roundtable". The shit stirrer, Coulter is now an expert on the economy.

IncenseDebate June 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Justice is blind and naked. Kinda hot.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Only if you're playing Blind Gynecologist.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

This guy is definitely part of the problem.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Yeah. The BIGGEST part.

Fairtackle June 11, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Sucking down cheeseburgers was a much better use of Huckabee's mouth.

fartknocker June 11, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Huck is a closeted birther who has a radio and Tee Vee show. Last week I learned of a 14- year old who also has a rad-did-eo show who is a racist and will be bloviating complete horseshit for the rest of my life. If you have a mass media show where you get to spew your bullshit opinion, I won't listen.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

We heard yesterday that the kid lost his show. Now if only Huckster would lose his!

johnnyzhivago June 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Finally someone gets it! The Pope, The Hague and the Trilateral Commission should take a lesson from this as well!

johnnyzhivago June 11, 2012 at 1:36 pm

When I was growing up I had "Profiles in Courage" – today's kids have Snookie.

SayItWithWookies June 11, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Ha ha — the Supreme Court that said eminent domain can pretty much be applied for any reason whatsoever has no Constitutionally consistent basis for overturning the individual mandate. Which of course means that it's toast, probably, since John Roberts is hell-bent on leading us back to the Gilded Age.

Also, Huckabee plays the bass, not the guitar — and while good bass playing is a real talent (cf. Jacko Pastorius, Brian Entwhistle, etc.), bad bass playing is only 2/3 as much effort as crappy guitar playing.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm


GunToting[Redacted] June 11, 2012 at 2:09 pm

JOHN "Ox" Entwhistle libel!

SayItWithWookies June 11, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Oh crap — thanks for the correction. Also, he played a five-stringed bass. I saw him after he'd left The Who and was touring with some crappy band I'd never heard of before, but went just to see him — it was worth it.

Apparently my music trivia module needs updating, as yesterday I identified pop music abomination Mike and the Mechanics as the force behind pop music abomination "Kyrie Elaison" when in reality it was pop music abomination Mr. Mister.

GunToting[Redacted] June 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

S'ok… I just happened to be watching the Ox Cam video of "Don't Get Fooled Again" and recalling what a monster player he was.

Generation[redacted] June 11, 2012 at 2:52 pm

The yachts have snuck right past the Gilded Age and are sailing into a Dickensian future. After Citizens United, I fully expect the ACA ruling to make indentured servitude legal.

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm

It isn't already legal? Isn't that what PayDay loanz are for?

(Now I have 'Yacht Dance' going through my head- hey thanks!)

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:37 pm


BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm
Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Give the people what they want! Cream pies in the faces of Scalia, Thomas, Alito, and Roberts followed by noogies.

Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Let's just replace the Supreme Court with 5 or so blond "Fox Legal Analysts."

JustPixelz June 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm

"Justices Gone Wild® IV" on DVD and "Blue" Ray.

Get under the robes of the Supremes as they get active with the Fox News blondes. They'll use their gavels to lay down big rulings. Will they have the constitution for it?

Special bonus feature: Clarence Thomas re-enacts porn scenes he claims he never spoke to Anita Hill about. Really.

actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Wait til you see Kennedy bang down his gravel!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Bang IN his gravel?

weejee June 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Huckabeebee is walking, and unfortunately talking, guitar libel.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

The supremes are so over. The last hit they had was Lawrence v Texas. That one had a good beat and I could dance to it.

randcoolcatdaddy June 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Saying the Supreme Court should be more political is like saying that chocolate cake needs more anchovies. Or that Mike Huckabee needs more chocolate cake.

niblick77 June 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I missed that show on Sunday, I was mowing my lawn!

Maman June 11, 2012 at 1:48 pm

“Hurdy durdy flurp”? I didn't know Mike Huckabee was Swedish!

Mittens Howell, III June 11, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Not technically, but his producers feed him a fuck-ton of swedish fish during commercial breaks.

MosesInvests June 11, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Bork, bork, bork!

Monsieur_Grumpe June 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

So Chuckles is saying that the SCOTUS should run for president?

Mittens Howell, III June 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

That Huckabee knows a thing or two about stuff, and he also plays a mean bass-banjo.


actor212 June 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

So you're saying you CAN play Dueling Banjoes on the bass?

ttommyunger June 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I am almost persuaded, Preacher; but I want to hear what Ted Nugent has to say on the subject before committing.

Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Wang Dang Sweet Supreme Court Poontang.

ttommyunger June 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

He and Nugent both play at the git-fiddle, but it sounds like a Banjo Duet to me, every time.

Schmannnity June 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Banjo Duel *fixed*

ttommyunger June 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Does a duel between two half-wits make a whole wit? Jus wonderen….

SheriffRoscoe June 11, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Huck's a preacher. Huck knows from which he speaks – because all this is in the Jesus Book. It goes like this: Jesus, health care, low poll numbers, Jesus not sorry, something something, Jesus die.

Antispandex June 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

You know, Mike, when they do that we get awfull decisions like Dred Scott vs Sanford. Oh, you knew that and were perfectly fine with it? OK, never mind then.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Sad but true: we have SO many assholes vying for the title that George Tierney Jr. of South Carolina just couldn't hang on to that title NO MOAR.

Wile E. Quixote June 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Here's a key difference between liberals and conservatives. If you're a liberal governor who was in office when a convicted felon was furloughed under a rehabilitation program that you supported commits a crime it destroys your political career and you will never, ever be on television again. If you're a conservative governor and you pardon a convicted felon who commits rape and murder and another convicted felon who murders four police officers you get a gig on Fox news and are still considered to be a potential presidential candidate.

Chichikovovich June 11, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Well, sure, but you're leaving out the most important part! The original victim of one of the people who was pardoned was a very distant relative of Bill Clinton. So the felon was obviously railroaded by vindictive Democrats.

Also he converted to fundamentalist Christianity, totally really. So he was a completely different person when he was pardoned. Satan must have gotten to him later when Jesus wasn't looking.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 11, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Yes, Mike, the 70% who don't want Obamacare will influence the Justices' decision, because the majority rules, or whatever. When people take Bible classes, why can't they make them take logic and rhetoric, too?

owhatever June 11, 2012 at 2:20 pm

So the justices are surrounded by rooms of lawbooks, but will base their decision on what a news poll says? OK, I can understand Uncle Clarence doing that when he's not banging a clerk, but some of the others may try a little harder.

Huckbee is just a silly boy and should stick to urging that abortion should be taught in all private schools operated by churches that accept federal and state and local tax breaks.

Shypixel June 11, 2012 at 2:22 pm

I'm with the Huckster on this one. In fact, I'll go a step further and say we should just replace the Supremes with one of those really official looking old Bibles. When we have a question of constitutionality, any sufficiently rabid right-wing preacher can just hold his (because it will ALWAYS be a man) hand over the magic book and recite the magic mumbo-jumbo, then announce that whatever his personal feeling happen to be are also the personal feelings of the God of Creation, author of the Constitution.

Easy enough?

Sassomatic June 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I say we just require that they be naked. That way we can see who gets a boner when they talk about gay marriage.

Shypixel June 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm

or at least discover why Clarence never asks questions…. and why he keeps one hand under his robe…

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I'm so very thankful that Huckabee (a) has no apparent interest in exerting the kind of effort that it takes to run a serious Presidential campaign again, and (b) has a show on Fox on which he has taken the opportunity to reveal himself for the loathesome, hate-filled, putrid excuse of humanity that he is.

There was a time when even well-informed liberals found him and his schtick "likeable" and failed to point out the vile bigotry he advanced as policy. Which is to say, there was a time he seemed terrifyingly "electable".

KPod June 11, 2012 at 3:39 pm

"Hurdy, durdy, flurp."

I love you. Marry me.

fuflans June 11, 2012 at 10:28 pm

well we need to get that p score up don't we?

scvirginia June 11, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Or a holy writ?

ttommyunger June 11, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Assholy, maybe.

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