Somalia — a scrappy, can-do failed state that is the platonic ideal for those who want to shrink government down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub — is not taking it lying down that the US has offered $7 million for the location of this dude Ahmed Abdi Aw-Mohamed and $5 million for a bunch of other similarly Arab-named folks. Nope, the Somali militants have got a little counter-offer they would like to make, and that is 10 camels in exchange for President Barack Hussein Obama. But that’s not all! Call now, and they will throw in two camels for “the lady of Bill Clinton, the woman named Hillary Clinton,” obviously because they are male chauvinist pigs.
How is it that the lady of Bill Clinton is worth only one-fifth of a man? That is even less than America’s famous “black people are three-fifths of a person” compromise, which was found in our inerrant Constitution, handed down by Jesus to Joseph Smith at Mt. Zion, until people who hate God and the Constitution took it out, because they were liberal pussy effetes. How much less is one-fifth than three-fifths? It is one-third as much, or two-thirds less! (MATH.)
Hillary Clinton will now drone strike those motherfuckers, for feminism, because she had a hot flash. [CNN]
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They'll give three gerbils and a hamster for Mitt Romney.
And a muskrat for Sarah palin.
They'll throw in the roof rack.
Duh Gov'Nuh has a nice rack.
If I recall a previous Wonkette blog, she had some work done a while ago.
Duh Gov'Nuh has a nice rat.
Not yet.
There are still some things a rat won't do.
I think you just described Romneybot's power source.
RICHARD GERE LIBEL!!!
I'll chip in an extra gerbil I got from this actor guy. Kinda smelly, though.
Are we sure that the Somali militants aren't contributing editors of Wonkette?
I was thinking that they worked at The Onion.
There are no requests for alcoholic beverages or happy hour tips, so obviously they're wandering in a desert somewhere…
Are we sure that the Somali militants aren't contributing editors of Wonkette?
You are mixing up this site with "Reason".
You lost me at "MATH."
Ten camels? Has Grover Norquist accepted this offer yet? Or better still, moved there?
Can we send him?
Yes please – this. Now.
He should go — it's got his two favorite things — ugly beards and fanaticism.
Tell him it's a dry heat.
Hell, it was Grover that made the offer!
Be the first one!
OK.
If you've read down that far, you won't be.
Much to my chagrin.
"How much less is one-fifth than three-fifths? It is one-third as much, or two-thirds less! (MATH.)"
Rebecca, did you used to work at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory out there in Pasadena?
OT. Back in 1999 I went to a party in Altadena thrown by an engineer acquiantance at JPL. The note on the door said "Take off your shoes" and "Don't puke on anything white.". We stood in a circle (around a Tesla Coil? maybe a Jacob's Ladder) and held hands, lighting up a flourescent tube. There was recreational arc welding in the garage. Three women, with probably five PHDs between them, were painting with food on the kitchen floor. good times.
Hilary Clinton is located in Washington D.C. USA.
Please mail the Two Camels to, Derrick Wildcat.
I love you, man!
sorry man, pretty sure these camels work like Craigslist – you gotta pickup
Don't fall for this trick! Camels are more obstinate than mules and have a tendency to spit.
… And you know who else is more more obstinate than a mule and has a tendency to spit…?
Skoal Rebel?
Monica Lewinsky?
Woof Blitzer?
Randy Johnson?
Log Cabin Republicans?
Bush got two wars for Condi Rice. I guess black women go for a higher price.
"Nope, the Somali militants have got a little counter-offer they would like to make, and that is 10 camels in exchange for President Barack Hussein Obama."
I think that they're a bit pissed that their deep-cover mole has apparently "gone rogue" on them.
"Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire, Barry?"
I happen to have 2 count them, 2 cats with fleas. One of them weighs 26 lbs, I'd be willing to work a deal to use them to fund a raid on Scott Walker's defense fund. I will of course need the cats back, but you can keep the fleas.
Sheesh, how much HFCS have you been feeding that cat?
Every time I hear a story about camels I think of this. I learned this story from a journalist friend of mine.
National Geo doesn't pay it's photographers until after the work is done. So in essence the photographers pay out of pocket to do the stories. There was one photographer that was doing a story on bedouin. He had to buy a camel. When the story was don't he filled out his expense report and National Geo rejected the expense saying that he could have "Rented" the camel (as a transportation cost) but since he bought it and then sold it it was his property and there fore his loss (he sold it for less than he bought it for and wanted National Geo to reimburse him for the difference) fell upon him. He explained that you can't "Rent" a camel, but National Geo was not listening to his pleas.
He submitted another expense report for the exact amount with out the camel listed on the expense report with a post-it note that said "FIND THE CAMEL".
P.S.
He got all his money.
I've heard that form used to include the line 'Gifts to natives'. I wished my 1040 had that.
I tried that with my receipts from the Kit-Kat Club.
I asked a neighbor that shot for the N.G. a few times and she said she didn't know if the story was urban legand or true. She wanted it to be true. If it is true the man is a god of expense reports in my book. I've been know to get quite creative with mine.
"How is it that the lady of Bill Clinton is worth only one-fifth of a man? That is even less than America’s famous 'black people are three-fifths of a person' compromise, which was found in our inerrant Constitution, handed down by Jesus to Joseph Smith at Mt. Zion, until people who hate God and the Constitution took it out, because they were liberal pussy effetes."
It's "blah" people. You should know by now.
Couldn't they come up with a less stereotypical, un-PC offer? Is Ray Stevens writing their material now?
Hillary "Two Camels" Clinton
The bactrian has one hump,
The dromedary two.
Or is it the other way around,
I'm never sure, are you?
Listening to Ogden Gnash.
But the Clinton camels are two-humped.
Sure it sounds like a straight up trade, but once they get you on the used camel-lot they start hard-selling the extended warranty, rust-proofing, and other crap.
Ya gotta get the Trucoat.
and gap coverage.
OT: An update to Friday's foofaraw: BreitKnight artist David Bugnon has apologized
He says "Photo 'chopping' is an art form. It's what I do."
Fair enough.
That makes counterfeiting an art form as well. There are people sitting in federal prison who should instead be given NEA grants.
And William Petersen and Willem Dafoe would both live, not die, in L.A.
'Get Your War On''s clip-art style is art, this was high school graphics project #1.
Fair Use!
You have your proportions mixed up with Robert Reich.
"I'm sorry your intellectual property laws don't let me be CAPITALIST!!!"
"I thought Andrew Breitbart was a warrior for the truth"
"50% of the proceeds were to go to the Breitbart Children's Fund"
This fucking guy.
That is one of the saddest, most pathetic things I have ever read on the Internet.
Not that I don’t love me a total unencumbered economy but I think Somalia needs to tell Grover Norquist to fuck off it’s raising taxes whether he likes it or not.
Their military expenditures now = 100% of the budget.
Republican paradise.
And unbridled capitalism (piracy) has made their economy strongest in the world.
They drive a shrewd bargain–much better than one Blackhawk and 19 dead Marines for one Somali warlord.
That was a great movie, though. Chichikovna said her favorite part was the very brief bit when the UN came to the rescue with armored vehicles piloted and manned by Malaysians and Pakistanis to save the Americans' asses. Odd that this aspect of the Black Hawk Down engagement doesn't get more attention in the US, especially since the rescuers suffered non-trivial casualties and hadn't even been notified about the operation until long after the catastrophe was underway. I wonder why that is? A puzzlement.
Greece will soon be transitioning to the camel
Germany enticing them to upgrade from their current donkeys?
The saddest part of the story is that they were offering twelve camels for Monica Lewinsky.
Talk about getting ridden between humps…
Two camels, one hump.
Many a cameltoe.
Filtered or unfiltered?
Momjeans Willard offers you a cameltoe, for free.
Oh God, why did I click on that.
Excuse me, I need to go get some eye bleach.
This the place I keep recommending conservatives move to. No government to impede their utopian ideal and lots of use for their guns.
Startup opportunities everywhere for jerb creators.
As long as they honor a few local customs they'll do great. Other upsides include not buying a fancy new car for their spoiled daughters when they turn 16, because they'd get killed, "Sorry, honey, no car. You aren't planning on leaving the house in that scanty face-veil, are you?"
A fever tree, some corrugated tin, and it's home sweet home.
They're completely on the gold standard. Although there's some debate about adopting the bullet standard instead. Bonus: 2nd Amendment Rights!
This never gets old.
Too many blah people.
Too bad the Somalis don't have Goldman Sucks to help them negotiate a camel futures interest swap.
It worked out so well for Greece.
In the spirit of bi-partisanship, and a nod to compromise, the Big Dawg accepted.
…those who want to shrink government down to the size where they can drown it in the bathtub…
Or so small it can fit inside a woman's reproductive organs.
In a world where contraceptives and abortion are illegal a woman must wait until after the government is born to drown it in a bathtub.
We already have our beloved watch camel at 21st & Union. The Somali warlords will have to come-up with something better.
After 10 years camel 2 – Honda 0.
Better deal than the Facebook IPO, at any rate.
Don't fuck with Hillary!
Lest you feel the wrath of the Kankles of Doom!
How about the camels?
Bill rarely did which is why he got into trouble with Monica.
Please … these aren't camels the animal … they're offering Camel cigarettes.
Cigarettes are much more expensive than camels.
So, two packs or two cartons?
A fine selection of butts.
Can we choose which camels?
Actually, they need to give 12 camels for Hillary, because when you're fighting Hillary you always get Bill in the bargain.
Although it seems like Bill may have married Mitt Romney, since Obama's apparently running against two candidates again. Might even be a menage-a-trois, if you throw in Booker.
DLC co-founder is acting like DLC corporate sellout democrat? quelle surprise! (I think I am still allowed to talk french with you).
No. And stop saying rude things in the middle of Chet's menage talk. It's nice. Bill, Cory, Barry and kick MItt in the balls. Excellent.
Yeah but he meant Bill, Willard and Cory, and thats an unholy circle-jerk of a menage any old way. Mon cher.
And any old how, I am writing in Tom Morrello for every fucking office I get to vote on, forever. He is now my hero and I have a total man-crush on him now I've learned on top of being righteous, he also graduated from Harvard, and worked as a Senate staffer on the Hill. Dayum.
The Kenyan Guitar Usurper!!
What? We're not allowed to talk French around here anymore? Hostie Tabernak that torpedoes half my posts right there.
Harold Ford Jr. does not approve of this comment. He IS in the "Democrat" party, after all.
Wait a minute… are those camels or 24 starving Somalis in camel suits??
PUMAs vs CAMELS!!!!!!111!!!!
Speaking of two humps, did someone leave Barb in the pub after Sunday's brunch?
That's alot. I've been offering 2 dead rats for the head's of Coldplay for 3 years.
They're all yellow anyway. Fucking radiohead wannabe losers. Fuck them. I am cranky again, dammit, and you had to mention those fuckers. Fuck Hillz and Bill and Coldplay. Centrist democrats just play the same game as GOPers, split and distract with special interest pandering while stone cold selling the fuck out everyone to the corporations.
What they don't tell you is the camels aren't turn key and will still need to be fitted out.
Can we get two llamas for Michele Bachmann instead?
Perhaps a rabid bandicoot.
How about a two-headed llama? Pushmi-Pullyu "Bobby" Jindal can get 'em for you wholesale.
A one-L "lama" is a priest.
A two-L "llama" is a beast.
A three-Lama is a damn big fire.
~ Thank you … Herb Caen!
Camels are nasty pieces of work…. how can this not be viewed as anything other than an insult? Do they think Americans are stupid or what??
Now, if they offered donkeys or asses instead… they're a much sweeter and gentler animal? And THAT'S a trade I could get behind.
Plus, you wouldn't need a stepladder.
Do they think Americans are stupid or what??
Yes.
It will end badly on the sail barge when Obama Solo and Joe Skywalker take down the entire lot of scum and villainy as Leia Clinton strangles the Somali leader Jabba the Hutt.
As long as it's over before that Jar Jar Jindal guy is introduced.
Sorry, all I can picture is Leia Clinton strangling Limbaugh the Hutt
With all due respect to Our Lady of Pantsuits, I don't think anyone wants to picture Leia Clinton in a metal bikini.
Bring me the hump of Alfredo Garcia.
With a side of Warren Oates. Thank you.
(Passing teacup) "One hump or two?"
Jerry Garcia libel!
Yup, those mooslem terrorists are a total existential threat, yessiree, just like that time we were simultaneously fighting two of the most advanced industrial and military powers in the world in Japan and Germany, just exactly the same level of threat that our very existence as a nation is in peril. Thats what justifies all the torture and renditioning and indefinite detention and kangaroo courts and all the rest of the Constitution-fucking these 10 years. Because these guys with their pair of camels, they're on the verge of wiping us out!
Hold this suitcase-nuke for me while I run across the street, Effendi.
Mushroom clouds, Chet, its all about the mushroom clouds.
New and improved Hillz – now with double the camel toe
Can I get a "two mules for sister sarah" harumph outta anyone?
You will get more sense out of the two mules.
If a woman claims the reward, she'll get two Virginia Slims.
I'm holding out for a slightly used cargo ship. I know they got 'em!
Throw in three goats and you've got a deal.
My wife and her mother were in Egypt in the 70s, when a local guy offered them four camels for the young lady.
Four camels! Not even a whole pack of camels!
No thanks, but we'll keep Barry and Hillz. But how about two bags of sand for Nicki Minaj ?? She comes with a slew of real shitty pop songs which can be used for torture.
She already has two bags of silicone in her chest.
Also one per ass cheek. So they say.
Dromedary or bactrian? I need too keep track of my humps (my lovely lady lumps).
Trouble with math? Camels are the world's greatest mathematicians.
I suddenly have the urge to smoke a vagina.
Do they know what the "P" in "PRIAPS" stands for? It ain't halal, my adorable little Mohammedans.
I for one would have to inspect the teeth before accepting that offer. Hillary's, that is.
This is bad news for Joe Camel (aka Big Penis Nose)…
Drone?
We're back to Joe Lieberman?
Bristle Palin scoffed at this offer, noting coyly that she could never be had for a Camel. A chaw of "Red Man", sure, many times; a box of wine, it goes without saying, a Camel: never.
I really would like to give them 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue as Obama's address and try to collect my camels, but I figure the State Department would crush my dream simply out of jealously that Hilary was only worth two camels.
Hillary will show you 'hot flash'.
Don't bring a camel to a drone fight either.
"Don't bring a camel to a gun fight."
It worked for Lawrence of Arabia.
If you had to, if you really had to, you could eat the bowling ball…
Revolution of one.
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