Don't fuck with Loretta Lynn, y'allOh HI, what were those pro-genocide anti-woman mass-murdering abortionists up to this weekend? Nothing much! Just using a quaint mix of “facts” and “reason” to explain (AGAIN) that morning after pills (a.k.a, “the so-called morning after pill,” a.k.a. “morning after abortion pills,” a.k.a “a shot of estrogen,” a.k.a. “abortive pills”) do not actually cause abortion. This is because there is no embryo for the pills abort, a fact supported by “the latest scientific findings” which, among other things, show that the pills work by delaying ovulation so that sperm can’t fertilize an egg to create an embryo. The fact that  “science,” “expert opinion,” and “facts” show that the morning after pill does not cause an abortion, to the New York Times, means that:

“Religious conservatives are losing one of their primary arguments for trying to ban the morning-after birth control pill that can prevent pregnancy if taken within days after sexual intercourse. They and their political allies have long contended that the pills work by aborting an embryo at the earliest stages of development.”

You stupid liberals, bringing FACTS to an IDEOLOGY fight! If an “abortion” means “removing an embryo or fetus from the body in which it has taken up residence” then no, the morning after pill does not cause abortion. But! Since abortion now means “anything a woman does to control her own reproductive capabilities,” then according to Donna Harrison over at the National Review Online, OF COURSE the morning after pill is TOTALLY an abortion:

Any drug which can act to prevent pregnancy after a woman has ovulated must have some post-fertilization effect. Whether it kills the embryo directly, or prevents the embryo from travelling down the tube, or prevents the embryo from implanting, or interferes with ovarian function, or increases immune rejection of the embryo, or directly destroys the placenta, some mechanism must be in place to interfere with the normal embryo functioning and then kill the living embryo.

Hear that, ladies? Do not under any circumstances breast feed, because breast feeding prevents women from releasing a hormone that is necessary for ovulation, thus leading to “abortion.” Oh and this is crucial: do not drink coffee. Too much coffee can affect the fallopian tubes, which can affect ovulation, and cause “abortion.” And let’s not even talk about menopause. But finally, the most important caveat of all is that women no longer have to actually be pregnant to have an “abortion,” given that an “abortion” can occur without an actual embryo or fetus present. In other words (Amanda Marcotte’s words, to be precise): Like Jesus Christ said, it’s important to throw stones at the sluts, but when called out on it, deny that’s why you did it.

Until we can get the political capital to  jail female fornicators, at which time, go for it.

[NRO] [New York Times]

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  • finallyhappy

    Menopause here- I murdered all those future babies when my lady innards stopped functioning as a baby machine. Also I breastfed my kids so I probably need to go to jail

    • Fare la Volpe

      History's greatest monster, you.

    • supernoun

      See you in jail, fellow mass-murderer!

  • Use an IUD? That's abortion!

    Bukkake? That's abortion!

    And a blow job is cannibalism!

    • supernoun

      So what you're saying is that I need to use bath salts in order to give a blow job, these days?

      Well, alright.

    • finallyhappy

      no- only if you swallow

    • Nesnora

      Typical republicans, forgetting about jobs…!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    What about the 10,000,00 sperm lost every time a GnoPer looks at a picture of Reagan? Who will stand up for the little guys?

    • Biff

      Starburst libel!

  • Baconzgood

    "breast feeding prevents women from releasing a hormone that is necessary for ovulation"

    WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WONKETTE!!!!!!!!!! Let's get somthing straight. I don't care where on the interwebz you found that link, but I can say without a doubt that breast feeding doesn't stop ovulation. Let me show you exibit A *produces photograph of my second child*

    • Dude, I think it's the baby breast feeding that does that, not you.

      • Baconzgood

        When the Dr. said she was preggers again (she didn't even have a monthly between the two) we said "but you can't get knocked up when breast feeding"

        "Who told you that?"
        "Who is this 'THEY'" he said picking up the phone, "I want to call 'THEY' up and set 'THEY' straight about pregnancy".

        • Oh wow, man, I mean, let the woman get some rest after popping a watermelon out of a garden hose, man!

          • Baconzgood

            Baconz ALWAYS got to give the lady I'm involved with hog yo!

        • SayItWithWookies

          Irish twins! Come to think of it, I was born thirteen months after my older brother.

          • What exactly is the definition of the irish twins? Just asking cuz my girlies are 19 months apart

          • Baconzgood

            2 Children born in the same calender year is the true definition, but now a days 12 months apart is ok.

          • Close enough, but I heard it as Arkansas twins.

          • SayItWithWookies

            The definition I've most seen is when the second child is conceived while the mom is still lactating.

    • saysaysomething

      You are right….BUT….

      Breast feeding can indeed slow or stop ovulation. It did for me. I didn't have my "monthly visitor" for close to a year while breast feeding.

      Of course, the point of bringing it up is that it's stupid to call a thing that slows, pauses, prevents, stops, or in any way affects ovulation "abortion."

  • PhilippePetain

    Not fucking causes baby not to be born, ergo, not fucking is murdering babies. You heard it from Jonah G! Get yer fuck on!

    • supernoun

      Righteous Fucking, $17 plus the eventual child support payments! Getcher Righteous Fucking right here!

  • so we can mail our destroyed placentas to NRO, c/o who now?

  • Estproph

    Abortion=anything that a woman does following sex to prevent God's holy, joyous gift of a baby as punishment for being a tramp.

    • athenaprime

      You win an internet.

  • veritass

    As long as this doesn't affect my ability to irresponsibly deposit sperm in women I'm ok with it.

    Stupid sluts getting all pregnant all the time! Sluts and their slut pills; HA HA!

    Vote Man/Man 2012!

    • supernoun

      Man is the obvious choice for president! Who would even think about electing Woman/Dolphin for President in 2012?

  • NRO also continues to redefine Stupidity. Can we please abort them from the internets?

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    I hereby arrest my last period, ex post facto.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    "Here's a good reason to not kill that embryo: it could very well be the next Albert Einstein."

    Not with American education, no.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or it could be the next Hitler! Or Justin Bieber!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Word. I'd like to remind the American People that Albert Einstein was German.

    • arihaya

      it could be the next Miss South Calorina fer sure

  • soeoho

    Geeze! I never saw this . . . coming.

    • CommieLibunatic


  • mavenmaven

    Let's be honest, Republicans don't seem to like women or sex (unless it is for money).

  • Douché

    I just had bacon and eggs, I definitely don't think those eggs are going to get fertilized. Is that an abortion too?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Swallow some rooster sperm, stat!

      • Douché

        Tastes like failure.

    • finallyhappy

      Since most egg producing places do not keep roosters, those poor hens never have a chance to have babies

    • Veritas78

      Hey, you gotta abort a few fetuses to make an omelet, amirite?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Donna Harrison is quite a pillock.

  • Schmannnity

    Syrup of Ipecac also interferes with conception.

  • So by that lojik, we can state that being a RW nutjob is a failed abortion.

  • SayItWithWookies

    In point of fact, any drug which can act to prevent pregnancy after a woman has ovulated must have some post-fertilization effect.

    Wow. Just wow. This might be the stupidest sentence written by a conservative all week. Okay, that's a gamble saying that, but any conservative writing something stupider would be guilty of aborting Donna Harrison's ideas just because they're malformed and will need constant care and attention to stay alive — and you wouldn't want to do that, would you, conservatives?

    • So if I masturbate instead of raping any woman who's just ovulated, that would make me…what, precisely? An accomplice?

      • Schmannnity

        Slightly less on edge?

      • A creature of habit?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "This might be the stupidest sentence written by a conservative all week. Okay, that's a gamble saying that, "

      Yeah, it's only Monday.

      • emmelemm

        Before noon, on some coasts.

  • The NRO break room has a uterus-themed pinball machine. If somebody hits the jackpot, it's out of commission for 9 months.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You sure that's not just their gloryhole?

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    …there is no embryo for the pills abort, a fact supported by “the latest scientific findings…"

    The latest scientific findings– AKA 'heresy.'

  • Until we can get the political capital to jail female fornicators, at which time, go for it.

    Every Russ Meyer movie ever made tells you what a splendid idea this can be.

  • supernoun

    So I was born without a uterus, although I am female. Does this mean I've been ABORTING once a month since I should have gone through menses?!?! I'm a baby killer! Why, God? WHY?!

    • anniegetyerfun

      I was unaware that this was even possible. This means you don't get periods? I THINK I haz a jealous, sort of?

      • supernoun

        It is possible! I have no periods but I had to have some crazy surgeries in order to have sex, which in my mind makes it even out and be about as terrible as also having a period. But any and all mixture of ladyparts is bad for business, obviously.

  • Callyson

    do not drink coffee. Too much coffee can affect the fallopian tubes, which can affect ovulation, and cause “abortion.”

    So my caffeine addiction is a form of birth control now? God works in mysterious ways…

    …(off to the kitchen to make another pot of java…)

    • Fare la Volpe

      You mean another pot of abortion.

    • Fare la Volpe

      You mean another pot of abortion.

      That sounds like an old 1930s radio serial: "Another Cup of DEATH."

    • kissawookiee

      Too much coffee also keeps women from getting depressed and Alzheimered. In other words, when you're old you'll be able to remember how happy you were spending your youth doing something other than popping out another babby every ten months.

  • freakishlywrong

    Looks like somebody got cock-blocked, Donna. There's enough Jonah for everyone, laydees.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Also, ladies, refusing entry of my penis into your vagina prevents the injection of my Life Tadpoles into your womb, QED abortion. So give it up to Baldar, gals!! The baby you aren't aborting could be yours!!

  • freakishlywrong

    You know, I have the lady parts, but quite frankly really don't need an 8th grade health class. TM muthafuckin' I, bitches.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Looking at a man is abortion.

    Having an opinion is abortion.

    Going outside the house? ABORTION, you slut.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Starbucks = abortion.

    • Slut mermaid, holding her tails up over her head!!

      • anniegetyerfun

        "Deposit your sperm pod here," her smiling eyes seem to say. "I'm just going to eject them later anyway."

    • SayItWithWookies

      Olive Garden is even more like abortion, since there's a three-day waiting period.

  • Callyson

    How long before the freaks find a way to say that a woman's orgasm = abortion?

    • UnholyMoses

      They'd have to actually make a woman orgasm first.

      So … forever.

    • kissawookiee

      Just as I always suspected. The clitoris is a cleverly disguised abortion button.

  • timbo71351

    Why don't those folks just move to Afghanistan, Yemen or Saudi Arabia? Fess up and join the Taliban. You know you want to….

  • SorosBot

    Every time a woman has her period, she's not pregnant, therefore she's HAD AN ABORTION!

  • NRO is trying to create the same hysteria around abortion as a term that denotes everything gross and evil as right-wingers did with communism and terrorism.

    Not quite so easy this time is it, assholes.

    • Why yes, it is pretty fucking easy, because we seem to be surrounded by Hysterics.

      • I guess what is missing is the depth and breadth of the hysteria/fear/insanity that existed in the 1950s with communist menace. Lots of pro-choice people around now, not many commies then.

    • SayItWithWookies

      Oh yeah — not nearly as easy as the hysteria they created around controversial subjects like ensuring that citizens have access to healthcare or building a muslim meeting center four blocks away from the WTC site.

  • niblick77

    Any woman outside the confines of the kitchen or bedroom or wearing shoes should be arrested immediately.

  • UnholyMoses

    Apparently, my vasectomy makes me worse than Hitler, and The Mrs is a fine young cannibal … per the rightwing nut-o-verse.

    Tell ya what, wingtards: I'll head to the Hague right after Dick Cheney and Dubya do. Deal?

  • Doktor Zoom

    I'm listening to Terry Gross interviewing Joan Rivers on NPR. I'd be willing to bet that Joan Rivers has kept MANY women from ovulating.

    • Fare la Volpe

      And just as many men.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Somewhere on the internet, a Christian Scientist is reading this article and just cold jizzin' everywhere.

  • SorosBot

    From the insane pro-forced-childbirth site the Pandagon article links to:

    "Being pregnant means no periods for nine months! How could you say no to that? Checkmate pro-choicers."

    Yeah, because pregnancy is so much easier on the body than periods are; sure, that sounds like so much fun. And that's before having to raise the kid for the rest of your life.

    "Many women regret their abortions. Mothers don't regret motherhood. Checkmate pro-choicers."

    Yeah, sure no woman has ever regretted having an unwanted kid. Or even a wanted one. Suuuuure. I wonder how Jeffery Dahmer or Ted Bundy's mothers feel.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      i did hear somewhere, I forget, that Jeffery's mom would always say…eat your brains or you will get no dessert.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, just ask Susan Smith.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Yeah, sure no woman has ever regretted having an unwanted kid. "

      Yeah, just ask Susan Smith.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Yeah, sure no woman has ever regretted having an unwanted kid. "

      Yeah, just ask Susan Smith.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Yeah, sure no woman has ever regretted having an unwanted kid. "

      Yeah, just ask Susan Smith.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Yeah, sure no woman has ever regretted having an unwanted kid. "

      Yeah, just ask Susan Smith.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Mothers don't regret motherhood

      Paging Mrs. Oedipus.

    • Redhead

      "Many women regret their abortions. Mothers don't regret motherhood. Checkmate pro-choicers."

      The stars of MTV's pregnant teen moms show beg to differ.

    • Nothingisamiss

      Mom resented having children and we were adopted.

    • emmelemm

      Hey! You know what else can make you not have periods for nine months? Certain forms of the birth control pill! Goodbye, periods, AND, no babies!

      CHECKMATE, pro-lifers! AND, upend the chess board, throw the pieces in your motherfucking faces, and walk away.

    • finallyhappy

      Pretty sure Prom Mom who dumped the baby in the bathroom trash can didn't want it

    • Also too, an unwanted child suffers deeply, so unless someone is willing to adopt the baby of the person they're coercing into having, they should STFU and GTFO.

    • banana_bread

      Sorry to go all TMI, dear Soros, but I found out the hard way that instead of having periods for 9 months, the body just stores it all up and gives you 9 months' worth of periods the week after you give birth. The hospital gives you super-duper industrial maxis to deal with it.

      Did I mention I am never having another kid?

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

    • JustPixelz

      "Oh Jesus H. Fucking Christ."

      Your comment is oddly inappropriate. Jesus was conceived without man-on-woman sex. (That was her story and she stuck to it.) WARNING FEMALE HUMANS: Abstinence may also cause pregnancy.

      Further, the Bible doesn't mention Jesus "Fucking". So basically Christians are demanding laws to enforce sexual mores based on the teachings of a 30 year old (probably gay) virgin who lived in his parent's basement.

      The "H" stands for "Holy" or, perhaps, "Holey". The latter meaning is clear.

      • TootsStansbury

        I always thought the H. stood for Harold. Oh well, learn somethinf new every day!

  • qwerty42

    Just so everyone is clear, there is No "war on women" at work here. None. That would be as absurd as a war on caterpillars. Right? OTOH, if these sluts should foolishly choose not to follow the wise words of conservative leaders, well, it is their fault if they end up in Satan's fire. Or worse. But no war on women. At. All.

    • An_Outhouse

      How hard is it to hold an aspirin between your knees? Come on, ladies, you're hardly trying.

    • Buckminster

      Right….these RW guys aren't freakin' frightened of the vay jay? You know that they are. There might be teeth in there.

  • Goonemeritus

    If the right keeps this up the only form of reliable and available birth control will be a degree in one of the engineering sciences.

    Edit— I suppose if you were really bad at math a fall back birth control method would be to drive a PT Cruiser.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "Deanna Laney of New Chapel Hill was acquitted of capital murder by reason of insanity in 2004. Laney was ordered to inpatient treatment at Kerrville State Hospital. In court, Laney testified that it was God who told her to kill her children."

  • An_Outhouse

    Have you ever wondered what would be the result of an embryo developing without a brain? Now we know.

  • BarackMyWorld

    NRO Fact: fertilization is an instantaneous process that cannot be prevented without a note from Jesus.

    • banana_bread

      That Jesus is a hypocrite. He totally draft-dodged the whole fertilization process.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Contraception is a communist plot to steal our vital bodily fluids.

    That's all you need to know.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    It's too bad the virgin Mary didn't have an abortion.

    What? Too soon?

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Too late.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If we all just had gay sex we wouldn't need any abortions.

    I blame this whole problem on those evil, selfish straights.

    • emmelemm

      That's… true.

  • BlueStateLibel

    We're pretty much at the point now where if a woman doesn't have sex every time she ovulates it's an abortion, aren't we?

  • Sassomatic

    Does that mean anything I do that causes me not to be pregnant is an abortion? Like not having sex, for example? I'm having an abortion right now! Which is possible, because in Arizona I'm pregnant.

    • JustPixelz

      The Catholic doctrine answers your question with a resounding YES! Nothing should be done to prevent conception within marriage including abstinence. Yet when — let's say — latino Catholics have large families, the wingers are all "they're taking over".

  • The self-loathing of the human body among these abortion-abolitionists screams more loudly than any botched explanation of how they might justify their continuum of hatched, scratched and re-drawn boundaries for exploitation.
    Cradle will rock, neo-conserva-haters. Those badly conceived rationales deserve a better fate than you've borne for them: ditch the cradle and put your bastard-pimped brainchildren to sleep permanently.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Ladies, if you aren't dressed like a total fucking slut and striving to give every man you see a hardon than you are having an abortion. Unless you actually sex the men, then you are a no-good, dirty slut.

  • Antispandex

    All of this resorting to facts shows a lack of a political argument.

  • prommie

    The Catholics have eaten the conservatives brains!

  • Redhead

    "the latest scientific findings which, among other things, show that the pills work by delaying ovulation"

    "Any drug which can act to prevent pregnancy after a woman has ovulated…"

    This is what a homeschool education gets you, folks. This and 18 kids.

  • JustPixelz

    No other nation is this obsessed with abortion.

    I pray the right-to-lifers would spend as much energy on breathing children as they do on the unborn and their mothers. A village of people supporting a woman and her child from conception though college would make abortion seem like a silly choice. But instead the RTL's line up with Republicans who think the social safety net is a waste of billionaire's money.

  • CivicHoliday

    so anything that "interferes with ovarian function" is equivalent to an abortion? HOLY MOTHER OF GOD PREGNANCY PREVENTS PREGNANCY. Every moment my unborn baby lives in my uterus, I am preventing the release, fertilization and implantation of other precious little babies. So…if I abort this baby, it makes way for more babies, which is good, but also bad. I haz a confused.

  • chascates

    Unpleasant facts: White people can start breeding like bunnies and still end up as a minority. Young people like sex despite the fear of damnation to hell and the stardom that comes from being an unwed mother with a reality show. Once women got the vote they decided they should control their lady parts as well.
    Pleasant fact: Randall Terry, Kathryn Jean Lopez, Rick Santorum, and people like them will not live forever.

    • finallyhappy

      I hadn't seen Santorum's name in a while. I forgot about him- now you have reminded me.

  • Tundra Grifter

    First it was "We don't believe in evolution – it was 'intelligent design.'"

    Then "Man-made climate change? Nope!"

    Now it's an "abortion pill" that really doesn't cause an abortion.

    Science – they are just not that into you.

  • ttommyunger

    Pish-Posh, facts and science have a well-known Liberal bias.

  • I can't help but wonder how these eighth-wit, imbecilic spawn of Satan's undescended left testicle feel about tubal ligation. But, I'm sure as hell not going out to their websites and giving myself a stroke, and them the page-hits, to find out. Someone do it for me and report back.

  • Wonderthing

    Quit fucking! Quit fucking for pleasure! Goddarnitammit! And if you do, burn in hell, or live with your poor choice so that we can make you into a punching bag for poor choices. Then you must walk around with a SHAME tag affixed to your forehead for life. And your child will be stigmatized too! Loser! Loser! Die! Die! (Whew, now, where's my Social Security check?)

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Religious nutcases can talk to me about morning after pills when they make priests and evangelical ministers take a pill that makes their dick shrink back into their scrotum and keeps them at least 100 feet from anyone under the age of 18.

  • owhatever

    Ask his Popiness. He can explain all this shit because he learned it as a kid nazi when they studied the care and handling of Jews.

  • smitallica

    First, they came for creampie porn…

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