SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE  11:07 am June 9, 2012

Hero Photographer Fighting For Right Not To Deal With Icky Gays

by Rich Abdill

Lesbian Weddings Make Jesus CryIn an upside-down world where girls want to marry girls and Christians are suddenly not allowed to be jerks about it, Elaine Huguenin is a crusader. She’s a wedding photographer from New Mexico who’s been fighting discrimination charges since 2008 over an incident in which a gay couple tried to hire her for their commitment ceremony and Huguenin responded by telling those heathen she-bastards to hit the road and buy a Polaroid, ’cause this picture-clicker ain’t snappin’ no homos.

Unfortunately for Huguenin, New Mexico has a law about that, and it says she’s SOL. It stipulates businesses can’t discriminate based on sexual orientation, and the courts — several of them — have ruled that’s exactly what Huguenin did, on account of that’s what she says she did but IT WAS BECAUSE OF JESUS YOU GUYS COME ON.

It looks like this is just another case of that horrible liberal government stepping all over religious freedom — if Hugueueueuen ran a car wash, for example, and her religion has a book that includes a line about how None Shalt Let Brown People Vacuum Thine Floor Mats, then it’s her goddamn First Amendment right to kick that Ecuadoran lady to the curb and tell her to just get used to those Cheez-It crumbs, thanks be to God.

Hugiewooglie’s lawyer said they’d be appealing to the New Mexico Supreme Court “because the Constitution prohibits the state from forcing unwilling artists to promote a message they disagree with,” according to the (totally real) Religion News Service.

Ah — a “compelled speech” argument: Huguenin’s not a business, she’s an artist, and would you go and sue Picasso for not painting two gay guys made of blocks and cones or whatever? No sir you wouldn’t! Just like if that Ecuadoran lady walked into a Subway and got turned away because a sandwich artist exercised his right to free speech in not making her a meatball sub. Just like that. [WaPo]

 
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{ 334 comments }

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:09 am

For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my state.

Just take the pictures and what they do on their honeymoon is none of your damn business.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 11:14 am

I wouldn't mind seeing pictures of what they do on their honeymoon, however.

NellCote71 June 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my state."

Michelle Obama libel.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Thanks for getting the joke reference.

Schmannnity June 9, 2012 at 11:16 am

God hates Kodak moments (if your gay).

Biel_ze_Bubba June 10, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Maybe some talented artiste will agree to Photoshop the happy couple into the wedding scenes of their choice. I understand David Bugnon is looking for work.

Sharkey June 9, 2012 at 11:16 am

Oh fer crappsake, why is this on Wonkett?

I could just go to my local megachurch and get the same bullshit. Maybe I will.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 11:24 am

The local megachurch is a lot more crowded than teh Wonkette is this morning. I guess everybody's already getting pre-drunk for the get -togethers tonight.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:28 am

They are all out getting vagina brightening.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 11:37 am

I dunno, they're usually a bright pink as it is.

Vecchiojohn June 9, 2012 at 11:54 am

You've actualy seen one? Wow! What was it like?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Depends on the color of the rest of the individual.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 1:56 pm

"vagina brightening"

Is that like butthole bleaching, or is it more like vajazzling?
Or does it somehow make your vagina brighter, as in more intelligent, so you won't be attracted to the wrong kind of guys?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:59 pm

ZOMG. If it's that last one, I got a TON of women who need to go get theirs brightened.

You know the type. Smart, gorgeous, witty, in love with some creep from a different galaxy.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Because some of us *like* being informed about attacks against us and our rights?

Sharkey June 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I'll give you that. This particular attack is in keeping with everything that has gone before, but does not excuse the behavior. Shrug?

Schmannnity June 9, 2012 at 11:19 am

Funny how she likely would have no problem with taking pictures for Kim Kardashian's 72-day blessed marriage

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:30 am

Hey Schmannity! Twitter was all abuzz last night because Kimmy K gave Kanye a $750K car for his b-day. Taking bus for STD treatments is the pits. If you are going to be impotent you should drive a Lamborghini and look impotent.

Schmannnity June 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

Thanks for the important heads up. I have a Kardashian filter on all media sources. It prevents violence to the monitors.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:41 am

Nah, I enjoy knocking a few back at night and answering dumb tweets like this. Sarah Palin's minions were tweeting Ron Rickle's Obama racist joke last night and I was shaming them, lol.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 12:49 am

Is Ron Don's slightly less (adorably) racist brother?

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

"Kimmy K gave Kanye a $750K car for his b-day. Taking bus for STD treatments is the pits."

"Yo, Driver, I'm'a totally give you the correct change, but does this bus go to the VD clinic?"

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Those two idiots are married? Christ, I'm out of the loop.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:13 pm

"Dating", I think. (I confess to going to HuffyPoo because I'm too lazy to set up RSS to do my own news aggregation).

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Or Britney Spears' 72-HOUR equally blessed one. I think that bitch's *divorce* lasted longer than her fucking marriage. And, yeah, Britney, and you fucking Xtian conservatives, I AM STILL PISSED that my friend had to DIE after 32 years with his partner, without the right to marry.

Nothingisamiss June 9, 2012 at 9:27 pm

If you're going to make an argument based on love, compassion and human dignity they cannot understand you.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

They don't even seem to understand basic equity and fairness and justice.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:14 pm

But JEEBUS!!! And Leviticus010101010101010!!eleven!!!!!

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 1:53 am

I'm thinking an argument based more on chainsaws and bodily orifices will work more effectively.

BarackMyWorld June 9, 2012 at 11:22 am

If she was making hip-hop in the 80s, she'd have made a song called "Fight for Your Right Not to Party."

Swampgas_Man June 9, 2012 at 4:58 pm

"Fight for the Right to Stop Someone Else's Party".

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Correcto.

Veritas78 June 9, 2012 at 6:06 pm

That was the tune Mitt was humming when he was throwing the money-changers out of the temple kicking the pot-smokers off the La Jolla beach.

Pragmatist2 June 9, 2012 at 11:22 am

She also announced that she would not do interracial weddings. She insists her camera only takes White and White photographs.

not that Radio June 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm

She restricts her subject matter to polar bears in snowdrifts eating marshmallows.

Pragmatist2 June 9, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Wedding photos of polar bears is one small step from state-sponsored bestiality.

not that Radio June 9, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Man-on-bear? I thought this was a lesbian wedding.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:08 pm

It could've been WOMAN-on-bear. That would make it lesbian, right? In Rick Santorum's book, at least, or if it was a girl bear.

Fare la Volpe June 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I've been on quite a few bears, but probably not the kind you're thinking…

sharethegrief June 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm

That's why she's been the official photographer at all of the Romney weddings.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Good. I hate the pretentious use of B & W.

randcoolcatdaddy June 9, 2012 at 11:24 am

Well … I guess I can forget about contracting her to photograph my Muslin wedding….

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Idea for a fun rainy day activity. Call or email to ask if she does Muslim weddings.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

You are a very wicked little bobblehead. I shall get on it rightaway.

randcoolcatdaddy June 9, 2012 at 11:26 am

Oh … and they're claiming that wedding photography is art? Bhahahahahaha…….

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Hey, having been to a few weddings in the more rural parts of my beloved state all I can say is it takes a great deal of skill to make the heifer wife and her grunting swine of a husband look like something that won't be used to frighten small children.

Butch_Wagstaff June 9, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Lotsa retouching, huh?

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Oy…so much in fact that sometimes is just better to leave the generic pictures in the frames you buy from Wal-Mart.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 12:53 am

They also end up having to pay more to airbrush out the baby bump, or the children if it's gotten that far.

Infrogmation June 9, 2012 at 2:56 pm

Sure, it can be! Man Ray and Luis Buñuel were the photographers at my first wedding.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:48 pm

THESE pitchers I gotta see.

Veritas78 June 9, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Maybe I'm dating myself, but Matthew Brady took our wedding photos. We had to stand still for hours. Muybridge was cheaper, but he insisted that we all be naked. If I had known about Doc Edgerton, I would have gone with him—much faster.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Look, at least Muybridge wasn't asking you to RUN, yaknow?

Veritas78 June 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

It was a shotgun wedding, so that would have actually worked out!

tihond June 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

Just wait until she finds out all those babies she's been dressing up in funny costumes and photographing are gay.

BarackMyWorld June 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

OT: Here's your Saturday morning idiot update…

Mitt Romney Mocks Obama For Wanting More Firemen, Policemen, Teachers
"He wants another stimulus, he wants to hire more government workers," Romney said at a press conference. "He says we need more firemen, more policemen, more teachers. Did he not get the message of Wisconsin? The American people did. It's time for us to cut back on government and help the American people." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/08/mitt-rom

Here's What's Really Happened To The Private Sector Under Obama http://www.businessinsider.com/the-private-sector

So, yeah, the public sector is dragging down the economy and Mittens wants to make it worse. Brilliant.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Headline: Mormon Wants Moremoney for the Rich.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 12:18 pm

So their LSD church can get ten percent. Let's not forget about the motivations behind all this.

Callyson June 9, 2012 at 12:27 pm

More Firemen, Policemen, Teachers

Sounds good to me–people in those professions help Americans. Venture capitalists, not so much…

BarackMyWorld June 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Pfft…silly Obama, wanting to help people…

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Mittens knows how jobs are created — by firing people.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm

I dunno, the way he walks, I think he keeps a fire extinguisher up his ass.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm

As tight as THAT is, he'll never get it out in time to put out the flames. Oh, dear. I suppose he'll have to rely on us peeing on him.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The Mittbot's hair has been upgraded with an advanced, flame-resistant synthetic similar to Nomex that will not combust and at high temperatures simply melts.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:27 pm

What, and runs into his circuits? Srs bad design flaw there, dood.

Wile E. Quixote June 10, 2012 at 7:23 pm

There are no critical processing components located in the Mittbot's cranial component bay. The Mittbot's CPU is located in his lower torso and is only accessible via through his anterior service sphincter, or A.S.S. Access should only be done by qualified service personnel or the Mittbot's warranty will be voided.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:22 am

Wile E? You doin' OK there? Breathe deep, now.

johnnyzhivago June 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm

All them statistics are just a bunch of scientific mumbo jumbo – they probably converted everything to metric or something to make Obama look good.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 12:54 am

Fucking firefighters, police officers, and teachers. Bunch of commies if you ask me.

Oh boy, is Mitt Romney going to lose.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:32 am

I've never been to a lesbian wedding. Do you even get a beef or chicken entree choice or is it just assumed………..

Schmannnity June 9, 2012 at 11:39 am

Snapper?

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:40 am

Such a great answer, thanks!

Designer_Radio June 9, 2012 at 1:06 pm

LOL – Oyster bar also too?

GhostBuggy June 9, 2012 at 11:40 am

Tacos, I believe.

I'm not proud of that.

Vecchiojohn June 9, 2012 at 11:57 am

Clams?
Me neither.

Sharkey June 9, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Clam tacos? There might be a niche market for that.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 12:01 pm
MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Oh, rudest of pdogs!

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:45 pm

At least you didn't complain about my linkie burning out your eyeballs.

HEY, corngratulations on the 140 p!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm

It's the first one so far that hasn't.

Thanks! I have no idea how this happens. I'm not the wittiest or funniest or brightest commenter by a long shot. (sniff!)

I guess y'all like me. (Wipes a manly tear) Y'all really, really like me. (sniff!)

Sharkey June 9, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Reluctantly, I take the vagitarian option.

badgitator June 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

So…no cocktail wienies then?

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I was trying for some kind of joke about kielbasa and straps, but just couldn't get it to work. Do you suppose they drive off to their honeymoon in a stretch Subaru?

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

The pizza must have anchovies on it.

iburl June 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

The art of ripping people off

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2012 at 12:48 pm

And getting drunk on someone else's dime.

BerkeleyBear June 9, 2012 at 11:33 am

I'm all for standing up for your rights, but I wonder what lesson this idiot photographer will take from this (other than that there is some war on Christians going on only in her head, naturally). Because you know cray-cray gay hater isn't going to ever actually shoot a gay wedding tastefully and respectfully no matter what any court says. I'm guessing she'll just be smarter about hiding the hatred/dropping same sex couples in the future.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:13 pm

In the meantime, she will be exposed, and all the LGBTQ folk and their friends will know not to give her their business, and she'll pay a nice fat fine. Hopefully she'll learn something from this. Maybe some of her friends/family, after dealing with this, will come out to her. That would be worth the price of admission, no?

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Without mitigating this photograher's jerk-ass-ness in the slightest… Marketing FAIL. Really, someone doesn't want to TAKE MY MONEY? No sweat, fucko, I'll pay your competition $1000. to take a dozen pictures, K?

scvirginia June 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

She had the option of hiding it this time, but instead chose the Road of Hate. I hope her biz suffers financially, but other Haters will probably seek her out because freedumz & freedummerz.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 12:57 am

Wait standing up for which rights? There isn't any case, here, so it's not even about standing up for rights in theory. There isn't anything to stand on.

greenide1 June 9, 2012 at 11:35 am

Do people have to fill out a questionnaire before she'll snap their photos? Is Ronald Reagan the Messiah? Check. Are you fully hetra-sexual? Check. OK, everybody smile!

iburl June 9, 2012 at 11:40 am

White Christians: The most persecuted people that exist in the world today, in their own minds.

GhostBuggy June 9, 2012 at 11:41 am

This also shows how stupid bigots are; how hard would it have been to just say, "eh, that weekend's booked." But then, she couldn't show Jesus how she is proud Christian warrior, I guess.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Really. I was just telling my wife that. She could even have referred them to someone else. "Let me give you the number to X Photography. I think you'd be much happier with his work." But noooooooooo. We have to try to score some Jesus Points.

GhostBuggy June 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I guess what they say about criminals who get caught is also true about conservative idiots: if they were smart, they wouldn't be criminals/conservatives.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Since according to the gospels Jesus said don't mess with the status quo, I doubt he'd give a rolling donut.

Mittens Howell, III June 9, 2012 at 11:43 am

Wait till she finds out the youth pastor is gay-banging her worship-leader husband after bible study. Awkward Kodak moment.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I can't wait!

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

More like a Pole-aroid moment.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 11:43 am

If Jesus is so important to her artistry, she should be photographing tortillas all day, trying to find Chuy in some scorch mark. She's in the right part of the world for that already.

ProgressiveInga June 9, 2012 at 11:44 am

Caiden Cowger agrees with Ms./Mrs. Hugueueueuen.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Let's start calling him GAYden Cowgirl, shall we? It'll make his momma SO mad. Besides, it might bring the little schlub out of the closet sooner.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:48 pm

GAYdumb Cawlgirl.

OneYieldRegular June 9, 2012 at 11:46 am

Lady, there's a recession going on. If you don't want the work, I'll take it.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Seriously, who doesn't know at least ONE marginally employed artsy person who can work a camera?

Fare la Volpe June 9, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Shit, gimme 20 bucks and I'll shoot it on my phone.

ttommyunger June 9, 2012 at 11:46 am

she should have just gone ahead and done the job, but taken really shitty pictures; but then no one would have prolly noticed the difference in her case, would they?

An_Outhouse June 9, 2012 at 11:52 am

I was thinking that it would have been worse if she accepted and then screwed up their photos. They'd have to get divorced to do it aagin. That's expensive. She saved them a lot of money.

ttommyunger June 9, 2012 at 12:03 pm

She prolly screws them all up without trying.

Jimmyone June 9, 2012 at 11:54 am

I have always turned down photographing weddings, period. They are really hard to shoot, and you can never please everyone. I would think a ghey wedding would be fun and different, and just asking for the inner artist to emerge. A big loss to this photog for not exploring the unknown, and to expand her horizons. Art is easy for some, others, ahem, struggle with it, but I would not back down on the challenge. Anyway, I always seem to focus on boobs and butts so I leave my camera at home and drink profusely.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:16 pm

A man after my own heart. If you can't get pitchers of the bride snogging the best man while the groom humps a bridesmaid's leg, you ain't tryin.

Jimmyone June 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

THAT's exactly what I'm talking about. I would very much like to photo a ghey wedding. Or for that matter, I would like to attend one just for the experience. I never got the chance to go to my sister's (wedding?) in California. I know how happy she was with her partner, after many years of misery with her ex-hubby. Now she is gone, and I have nothing in the way of photos to remember that occasion. This was way back when ghey marriage was really, really taboo.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Hey, Jimmyone, I'm so sorry about your sister. Come out to California any time you want to take photos of a gay wedding, lord knows they're not rare in these parts, and most people are really nice about letting people take photos. City Hall in San Fran is always good for some dramatic shots, although registrars' offices throughout the state have their share of gay couples showing up to tie the knot.

Jimmyone June 9, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Jimmyone is in honor of my late older brother James. He passed a year ago today. I miss our conversations, as he was the one in my family who got all of the ART genes. You kinda remind me of him, just the way you look at life and such. He pushed me to develop my “eye” and to look at thinks but not stare…..I don't know but I miss the guy, and there are those at the Wonksite who remind me of the good times with older bro and sis.

ManchuCandidate June 9, 2012 at 11:59 am

I'm out a luck, out a love
Taking photographs, pictures of
Married homos, you're too much
I'm one who doesn't want your cash
I see your face every time I scream
On every page, every magazine
So wild and free so far from me
You're all I (secretly) want, you're hearsay

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Damn, Manchu, you're one helluva songwriter.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Well done!

swordfis June 9, 2012 at 12:01 pm

1. The "ADF" is defending Huguenin. But not THE Anti-Defamation League ADF, but the "Alliance to Speak the Truth" ADF [while allowing one's bigotry spigot to be confused with a reputable organization]: http://alliancedefensefund.org/Home/ADFContent?ci

I notice that Huffpost did not notice this distinction. I think they'll be hearing from a lawyer soon.

Jadetiger79 June 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm

So the turd turns!

imissopus June 10, 2012 at 2:32 am

The Anti-Defamation League goes by ADL, not ADF.

swordfis June 10, 2012 at 7:05 am

Never mind.

Dyselsics Untie!

Mittens Howell, III June 9, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Sings: "And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love … Everybody! …

anybody? …

Buehler?…"

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Well, because we keep our love HETEROSEXUAL, sure.

Blueb4sunrise June 9, 2012 at 12:13 pm

In case of slow Wonkend, two Not-so-crazy-considering-that-it's-Arizona stories.

GOP Senate Hopeful Discovers PhotoShop, Places Opponent in Compromising Positions. http://azstarnet.com/news/local/govt-and-politics

annnnnnnnnnnnd will quote the first two paragraphs of this because they sound like the beginning of a Bulwer-Lytton competition.

You could chalk up some of border militiaman Todd Hezlitt's troubles to bad luck – who knew when he associated with Shawna Forde in 2008 that she would end up killing people the next year and drag his name into the mud?

But his most recent trouble – deputies say the 38-year-old Hezlitt ran away with a 15-year-old girlfriend – seems to be of his own doing.

http://azstarnet.com/news/local/crime/border-mili

fartknocker June 9, 2012 at 1:14 pm

I recall that Hezlitt was also pals with J.T. Ready, the Border Patrol Militia man that killed 4 family members and then himself about a month ago in Gilbert. The Feds were looking at him but never brought charges. Hezlitt has real mental issues dating a girl 23 years younger than him and a child.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Not to excuse him in the least, but he appears to have *issues,* if you get my drift. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier. Sounds like his intelligence level is about the same as hers.

I strongly suspect that a lot of adult men looking for a relationship with a teenager do it because they're not very bright, and anyone closer to their own age wouldn't waste time on them. At least that seems to be the case for the niece's husband, but she'll probably outgrow him in a year or two.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Thank you, Blue. I was gonna be all lonely and miserable over the weekend. It makes me feel SO much better knowing that these hopeless, stupid fucks are even MORE miserable than I could ever be. Oy, gevalt.

Blueb4sunrise June 9, 2012 at 3:19 pm

HEY! WAIT A MINUTE!
Oh, you mean THEM.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:31 pm

(Runs away quickly before Blue decides on fighting about something ELSE)

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm

*pats MittBorg reassuringly on head*
Don't be lonely and mizzzzerabibble, we're all your friends.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm

(Purrs) I was really just fishing for a hug, like the devious bastard I am. (Hugs tessiee)

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Honey, you never need to be lonely again. I am your friend, and teh wonkette haz yer back.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Aw, sweet thang! (Hugs the little nut)

I went off to do due diligence by my tomatoes but realized before I made it *down* the steps that I couldn't make it back *up* the steps. I'm going to slug out and watch movies today. That's all I have the strength for.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Yay movies! I'm surfing netflix right now.

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 10:22 am

It's really too bad you are having trouble getting around, and I hope that improves really soon. It would be funny, though, to go down to do due diligence by your tomatoes and, once down there, realized you had not planted any. Stories like this can make things like that happen.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I love it when the Rethugs eat their own.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Aren't prairie dogs carnivorous? Or do I mean cannibalistic?

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 8:52 pm

They are primarily herbivorous, but they do enjoy shoveling down grasshoppers (as I have observed) and maybe other bugs, too. Females are known to cannibalize the young of other females. And I once found a prairie dog I had temporarily in captivity along with others, dead, and his skull had been chewed on, exposing a small portion of his brain. Yuck! I suspect that was more a gnawing than a noshing thing, because there would have been a lot more nutrition going after the gut than after the head.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Nervous chewing, maybe? And the females *don't* cannibalize their own young? Interesting. Cats (and bunnies) will eat their own young if the young are handled by humans too early. Thanks for the info, pdog.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:26 pm

It was a dark and stupid night.

smashedinhat June 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Wedding photography is art? I'm sure some photogs have tried that angle but for me it was just a free buffet.

Anyway, yay to the ghey!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Yeah, goddammit, YAY US!

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:02 pm

It was pride here today. HAPPY PRIDE, Z!!!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Thanks, sweetie, happy Pride to you too! I wish I coulda been there to see the people march, but I put in my time during my yoof. Power to my sweet little baby LGBTQs, march to a better future, children!

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 10:28 am

I will celebrate Pride in Providence next weekend. Happy Pride to you again.

SheriffRoscoe June 9, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Sounds like this photographer went to Barnes & Noble and bought "101 Ways To Turn Down a Gig: Dumbfucks Edition."

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Seriously. How hard could it be to jack the price or say, nope…all filled that weekend? I mean, she's already a hateful bigot, she shouldn't be coy about telling a lie.

SheriffRoscoe June 9, 2012 at 1:02 pm

She could have even said "will they be serving soup at the reception? Yes? Well sorry I only take jobs where no soup is served."

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 2:17 pm

With apologies to The Simpsons:
*perky, upbeat music plays*
– Hugeninny reads book titled "Advanced Marketing"
– "Advanced Marketing" in wastebasket, Hugeninny reads book titled "Basic Marketing"
– "Advanced Marketing" and "Basic Marketing" in wastebasket, Hugeninny scrolls down dictionary page with index finger, looks up the word "Marketing"

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:33 pm

I really really like "Hugeninny." I just wanted you to know that.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 3:56 pm

*proud*

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Srsly, girl. You deserve to *preen* for that one.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Good luck with that discrimination case. if you need some tips, see: Lunch counter, Woolworth. (http://americanhistory.si.edu/brown/history/6-legacy/freedom-struggle-2.html)

Callyson June 9, 2012 at 12:34 pm

OK, you made me check out that Alliance Defense Fund website. Photo of her and her hubby–does anyone else see the Mr. as a total closet case?

https://www.alliancedefensefund.org/Home/Detail/4

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I generally make it a point to not judge a book by its cover, but hubby looks a bit like the reincarnation of satanist Anton LaVey, pictured here on the right palling it up with a famous Nixon-hugger…
http://fromthebarrelhouse.files.wordpress.com/201….

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Oh, Mike, you know quite well Anton LaVey was a showman and a trickster. He had nothing to do with Satanism, really, except working a grift that he recognized as well-paying.

doloras June 10, 2012 at 1:46 am

He did one thing that was pretty satanic, and that was cruelty to his poor pet lion. Some say he also abused his daughter but I've never seen evidence of that.

Blueb4sunrise June 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Not I. He reminded me of this…..
http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/sat

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

No way, hon. Much too studly for Puddin'Cup.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I just went and left her a message on that site about her husband carrying on with his boyfriend. Puddin'Cup is definitely using that thing on his chin as a ball-rest.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Yadda yadda, but what about MY freedom to persecute the homos, I'm being oppressed, wah wah wah!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Because it's all about MEEEEE!

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Actually, I was expecting some chubby old bag. She's kind of cute, but that look in her eye gives me the heebie-jeebies!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Michele Bachmann ™ patented trademark million-mile stare.

poorgradstudent June 9, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I hope so. His beard/goatee thing could use a little bit of work, but just judging from the photograph I wouldn't mind him "compelling me with the power of Christ," if you know what I mean.

I always like it when the bigots turn out to be hot or married to someone I find hot. It means I can get some kind of revenge by adding them to my cast of hundreds, forever.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm

He does look a little light in the loafers, but I don't know a single gay man who would be seen in public with a rat on his face.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:25 pm

It's a ballrest, I tells ya! He's a Ballchinian.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 9:47 pm

But would that not be itchy for the baller?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Springy. Bouncy. A shock absorber.

badgitator June 9, 2012 at 12:50 pm

How can she call herself a Christian is she didn't drop everything right there and begin to stone them. Not one fscking stone was thrown…I mean, come on!!!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Dylan said it better.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm

♫ How does it feel
How does it feel
To be a clueless drone
Like a complete assbone
Like a scolding crone? ♫

SayItWithWookies June 9, 2012 at 12:53 pm

I'll bet she photographs the weddings of bigots without a problem.

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 12:55 pm

That's her core sales demographic, duh!

scvirginia June 9, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Define "without a problem"? Sorry- I guess I haven't had enough iced coffee yet? Or too much… sometimes it's hard to tell.

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

OT: I hate how so many pictures of Jesus show him in a state of surprised agony. The dude knew what was coming. Sure, he might have been hurting…that was part of the gag…but surprise?

It would have been better that these schlocky paintings show him as hurting, but totally cool with it. Sort of like, "yeah, it hurts…but you have to not care that it hurts. This, my friends, is how you spit in death's eye". Maybe that way people would follow that example and not be so much, "ooooh, you made Jesus cry, I'm so going to smite you for that!".

ElPinche June 9, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Reminds of a treatment I made for a Groundhog Day-like movie where Jesus relives his day of his crucifixion over and over on account of his Father's sick sense of humor.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Man, that is SO fucking cruel. I like you already.

ElPinche June 9, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I was going to call it "Good Friday" (maybe with Chris Tucker saying "You got the knocked the fuck out …AGAIN!") or "Pass Over and Over and Over"

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Thumbs up for the latter.

Wile E. Quixote June 10, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Another upfist for "Pass Over and Over and Over".

BoatOfVelociraptors June 9, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Perhaps his justified fear of crosses is what is preventing his return.

ElPinche June 10, 2012 at 1:23 am

Like Jacky Onassis wearing a sniper rifle (per late great Bill Hicks)

glamourdammerung June 9, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I am afraid I disagree with you. Most people that "suicide by cop" probably have a surprised agony look at some point.

Dashboard Buddha June 9, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Sure, but they're just folks…not Sons 'O God.

Wile E. Quixote June 10, 2012 at 7:26 pm

I want to see "Terminator Jesus" where they nail him to the cross and he says "I'll be back."

ElPinche June 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

*sniff* Wonkette Jr…you're so grown up now. I remember when you were a mere fetus in a jar.

BTW, Is "victim" groups the new conservative pseudonym category for "fags" and "niggers" ? It's hard trying to keep up with those bastards.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Slightly OT but true story:
My gay and out co-worker was planning a wedding to her girlfriend (or commitment ceremony, since surprise surprise, North Carolina didn't have gay marriage), so they're picking out the cake and stuff:
Co-worker: Hi, we'd like a wedding cake.
Baker: OK.
CW: We're going to want a cake with two brides.
Baker. OK.
CW: Because I'm marrying my girlfriend.
Baker: OK.
CW: We're Lesbian lovers, and we're going to have a Lesbian wedding and get married.
Baker: OK.
CW: Also, the cake has to be chocolate.
Baker: CHOCOLATE??? YOU CAN'T HAVE A CHOCOLATE WEDDING CAKE! THAT'S DOIN IT RONG!!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:38 pm

That is hilarious, tessiee, mind if I tell it to everyone?

Now that all them gals is marrying each other, CHOCOLATE is going to be the Lesbian wedding cake of choice. I'm tellin' ya. Those gals WAY love the chocolate.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 4:04 pm

OK.
They were (and I assume are) really cool, so I don't think they'd have any problem with their story being shared.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:53 pm

I won't name any names.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Long as it's not a Kitty Litter Wedding Cake, I'm cool.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 6:28 pm

OK, you finally DID it, you FINALLY did it. You got me to click on a linkie that grossed ME out. Glurg.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!~!!!

I LIVED for this moment, my friend. I fucking LIVED for it. (dies)

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:09 pm

I knew a horrible little bitchy queen who brought one of those to a party. No one ate a single bite.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I'd find it pretty damn difficult, and I'm the kind of person who *likes* weird, gross stuff.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:44 pm

To be fair, it was only partly the cake. She really was a bitch.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I know a sick little girlpuppy I used to work with who wanted that for her birfday cake. I promised not to attend. Or perhaps that was the whole idea.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

I see what you did there.
Also, a ham sandwich would be better eatin' than the frosted wonderbread that gets passed off as cake at most weddings.

Wile E. Quixote June 9, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Why can't you have a chocolate wedding cake? White cake sucks with white frosting sucks ass, it's like having someone hand you a piece of styrofoam coated with lard and sugar.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Er … eugh. I'm so glad I never attend weddings.

BelleSC June 10, 2012 at 7:46 am

Well it IS the Carolinas.

Never wear white shoes until after Easter.
Never wear white clothing except between Memorial Day and Labor Day. "Winter white" is okay.
Lots of "nevers" by which I seldom abide.

Chocolate wedding cake? Can't say as I have ever seen one. "Winter white" or "vanilla" maybe.

BaldarTFlagass June 11, 2012 at 8:16 am

"CW: Also, the cake has to be chocolate.
Baker: CHOCOLATE??? YOU CAN'T HAVE A CHOCOLATE WEDDING CAKE! THAT'S DOIN IT RONG!!"

Obviously, CW made the mistake of calling a gay baker. I mean, if anyone would know about wedding protocol/planning, it would seem to me that it might very well be a gay person.

Native_of_SL_UT June 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Cause Jesus loves hate.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Like these people give a shit about Jesus. If they saw him coming down the street, they'd rush out for nails and wood right away. Fuckers.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 6:30 pm

They'd nail him up just for being a transvestite. Guy wears a dress, no?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:17 pm

Long hair, no shoes, probably hasn't bathed in 2,000 years — it's not just the dress, dude.

glamourdammerung June 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Do some of these Christians ever think that maybe if they did not insist they have an imaginary right to treat others like dirt with no consequence that people might have a better opinion of their own degenerate lifestyle choice? Just kidding, I know that a painful lack of self-awareness is basically a prerequisite for that sort.

owhatever June 9, 2012 at 2:13 pm

You got a camera, you take pitchers of people getting married, you accept money. If you do not consider that to be a business, then some gay liberal federal gummint IRS auditor might be dropping by to talk to you.

pinkocommi June 9, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I feel like I should open a business just so I could refuse service to bigots.

johnnyzhivago June 9, 2012 at 7:10 pm

I'm sure the GOP would be happy to create a law against that one anyday.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:59 pm

C'mon, Wonkette Jr, srsly:

"None Shalt Let Brown People Vacuum Thine Thy Floor Mats, [...]"

Thanks for letting me do my beatdown for the day.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Z, how do I do that strikethrough thing? I've been trying for like half an hour.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Oh, hey, sorry, baby, I was off trying to do something else.

You put a (strike) before and a (/strike) after the word you want to strike out. Of course, you substitute angle brackets (<) for the parentheses.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

You were off trying to do something else? Away from wonkette? How can this be? I figured out the strikethrough thing finally, and left a comment downstream which I thought was kinda funny, but seems to have garnered little enthusiasm. How is your wing?

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Yeah, I saw it and thought, oh wait, she figured it out.

Everything from my neck down to my toes is in some level of agony today. I got a lot done yesterday, but I'm paying the price now. And tomorrow is going to be all-day work. So, pain meds and ice is the story of the evening. And movies, of course.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Wait…
I thought it was Muslin Obama who was killing america?
Now it's the geighs?
How am I supposed to know who's killing america from one day to the next? Can't these asstards pick a story and stick to it?

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Doppler radar is showing that Mecha-Obama has moved on to Amercia. Time for Mona and Lora to call upon Mothra, for only she can save those of us who remain from certain annihilation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3Z6QdeoA24

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Oh, man, I love those two little fairies! Fairies' rights, goddamnit, it's PRIDE weekend!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm

America appears to be being killed to death by billions and billions of … different things, mostly powerless, poor, elderly, sick, pregnant, very young, or brown peoples.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Pics or GTFO!

poorgradstudent June 9, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Some gay rights group in the state needs to use the power of advertising to make her New Mexico's #1 sex fetish photographer.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Even the massive fertilizer-derived fortune of the Koch brothers couldn't erase the fact that Georgia O'Keeffe is the undisputed queen of the New Mexico-based vajayjay metaphor. http://assets.flavorwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm

"Despite Elaine and her husband Jon's constitutionally protected right to live – and run their business – according to their Christian beliefs"

These people are feckin morons. They have a constitutional right to run their lives according to their religious beliefs, but need to run their business according to state and federal law. Why is this so hard for them to understand?

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

I believe the answer to the question at the end of the second paragraph lies in the first sentence of the same paragraph. I will defer from a rant at this point, but some day I am going to go ballistic with my firmly-held belief that is is quite possible and in fact probably quite common for people to become successful in business and/or politics while being congenitally FUCKING DUMBASS STOOOOOPID!

MosesInvests June 10, 2012 at 12:57 am

Two thousand years ago, a wise man (Hillel the Elder) said "Not everyone who does a lot of business becomes wise". Understated it a bit-but those words are just as true now as they were then.

poorgradstudent June 9, 2012 at 11:33 pm

Yeah, the thing that gets me about these types of stories is that the same people who'd get worked up about them – let alone the people involved in them – are the ones to scream "SHAAAARIIIIIIAA!" if, say, a Muslim taxi driver refused to pick them up because they were visibly intoxicated.

MosesInvests June 10, 2012 at 1:00 am

Except that a Muslim cabbie would be unlikely to do so. Just like a Jewish cabbie wouldn't refuse a fare who was eating a bacon cheeseburger. At least in this country, it's the Christianists who insist on forcing their religion on others.

poorgradstudent June 10, 2012 at 2:52 am

Trust me, I know (someone I love is a quasi-practicing Muslim and he'd probably have my ass for invoking even in jest the "Muslims hate booze!!!1!!" stereotype). I was just trying to think up an equivalent hypothetical but, for the reason you stated, it's hard to think of one.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 1:14 am

This is why I can't for the life of me understand how the Catholic Church is getting any play in the media for their contraception stance. The minute you enter business, you're in the secular world, no if, ands, or buts about it.

TribecaMike June 9, 2012 at 9:57 pm

A typical lazy libertarian might ask, why should the state be involved in who a citizen hires to shoot their wedding photos? Silly socialists, you might as well wonder from which drinking fountain you're allowed to sip… http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_vX7q19wyT0M/S9ChnZ4_plI

States' rights über alles, and human rights be damned!

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 12:42 am

Ms. Huguenin's lawsuit is Ron Paul approved!

gurukalehuru June 10, 2012 at 5:55 am

I'm going to disagree with the groupthink on this one. If she doesn't want to work a gay wedding, let her not work the gay wedding.
The couple should be able to find a nice gay or gay friendly photographer who would do a better job, anyway. Even in New Mexico.

A wedding should be a happy occasion. Not an excuse for a lawsuit.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 6:23 am

If she doesn't want to work a gay wedding, she simply should have lied and told them she was booked for the day. She wants to be some faux martyr, so be it. She knows what the law is. We already had this battle a few decades back, and this is a decided issue.

mwittier June 10, 2012 at 2:20 pm

If that is her work, she must be really old to have shot Jesus' high school senior photo.

He should've gone with "chin in hand" or "by a tree." Those look better over time, and with a plaid couch.

Also too, get a haircut, hippie. Senior photos are forever.

DahBoner June 11, 2012 at 6:42 am

would you go and sue Picasso for not painting two gay guys made of blocks and cones or whatever?

No, but I'm considering suing Salvador Dali for warping my conception of time…

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Not only have I seen one, I had several parts of my body touching one. Just this morning!

It was GREAT.

EDIT: And it was a human vagina, too.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Man, am I glad you edited that. I mean, this IS the Wonketz, here.

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 9:46 am

Then you can't be a Republican.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

The vagina is pink because they're on the inside. Vulvas vary in color and are on the outside. Volvos are boxy looking, but generally a good value for your transportation dollar.

tessiee June 9, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"The vagina is pink because they're on the inside."

OK, you guys, sorry if this is oversharing, but it just killed me.
So, I had my checkup recently, which includes a pelvic, and my doctor says, "The vault looks normal and healthy."
I said, "The what now?"
She said, "The vault"
THE VAULT!!
Is that awesome, or what?
I'm totally calling it "The Vault" from now on.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Ladyparts, ladyparts. They're SO complicated. I'll take the Volvo, thanks.

Steverino247 June 9, 2012 at 2:07 pm

There is an important forensic reason for properly identifying these two places. "He touched my vulva" is a different crime than "He touched my vagina" because that implies penetration.

Another reason why I stopped working for a child welfare agency.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Oh, god. Dear god. I don't even want to know.

Just this morning I read something about the REAL sex life of Adelie penguins. I can't wait till the first conservative hits the airwaves with some comment about how child rape is "natural."

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Oh, man.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:03 pm

From your first post, I'm assuming you recall Carol Doda's reaction when SF instituted the "no-vulva" rule waybackwhen.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm

(Hugs Jimmyone/Robert with an extra hug) You're sweet. I think I'll adopt you, I need a younger brother. Maybe you can teach me photography. Derrick, who posts here a fair bit, has been incredibly helpful, but he's WAY ahead of me. I'm just a humble beginner, and he's a painter of birds with camera.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Jimmy, did you delete your comment because it contained information you didn't want made public? Pls let me know if I should delete mine too, thanks.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I like "vault." Isn't that where you put the family jewels?

anniegetyerfun June 9, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Oh, "vault" is excellent. Will be using that.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:02 pm

I dunno, you may confuse people with the gymnastics move.

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 9:51 am

I suggest a new verb, as in "Hey, you wanna pole-vault?" It is just a little more picturesque than fuck.

Doktor Zoom June 9, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I ain't touchin' nobody's cloaca, that's for damn sure.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Really – not only are the sewer system and the major recreation area in the same neighborhood, they're the SAME PLACE!

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 9:53 am

Then don't go kissing Mitt Romney … or Michele Bachmann. Or any Republican, for that matter.

flamingpdog June 9, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I take it wasn't one of them pole-her bears.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Oh, I know the kinda bears you be thinkin'.

Negropolis June 10, 2012 at 12:51 am

So, what you're saying is that a "polar bear" is a large, hirsute, gay gentleman from Alaska?

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 10:01 am

Don't fucking lie to us!

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm

My cousin is beautiful, thin, brilliant and independently wealthy. And she has dated a string of total jerks for the last 40 years.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 8:26 pm

One of my very dear friends seemed to have an uncanny ability to pick out men who would beat the living daylights out of her. 5' 2" and 100 lb is not a good fighting size. I had to give up on her after the umpteenth rescue. I can't come save your ass from your murderous husband if you won't tell me he has a gun in the house and you go back to him before I even make it home from the *last* confrontation.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Hobbes, I just ate my weight in Buffalo wings and pizza. Just wanted to let you know that, lol.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 8:49 pm

It's hard when they do that. I'm pretty sure it's related to their childhood. But definitely, stay away, and call the cops. I dont want anything to happen to you.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:03 pm

ZOMG, you did NOT!

HistoriBarb June 9, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Oh, I so wish I was hanging with you! Buffalo wings and pizza sounds a lot better than what I managed to put into my tired mouth (went roller skating with the kids – and I think I can legitimately say "I'm too old for this shit").

Also, when's that granddaughter getting here? She's taking her sweet time!

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Thanks, darls. She keeps finding 'em and she keeps going back to 'em. I can't enable that any more.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Well, in that case, it's probly just as well no one tried it. She might've used REAL cat poop. Oh, urk, I just grossed myself out.

For someone who has, and loves, cats, I'm totally grossed out by cat poop. Totally. I'm so grateful to have a partner who doesn't mind cleaning litter boxes (and another partner who can administer injections and stuff). What a wuss.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Your p-ness is HUGE! You are the first person, that I am aware of, to break the 140 point mark, congratulations and crazy long huggles.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

What kinda stuff you like to watch? I have some recoms.

Barb June 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Yes, the baby seems to be in control of things. Christine is resting and she is still in the early stages of labor.

I'm watching the hockey game and enjoying a beer with my wonderful husband. Go LA Kings!

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Oh, recoms would be great! I'm pretty open, really. Nothing too too depressing, and not really into action or horror, but everything else goes. Love scenery.

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Cat poop is disgusting. And very, very germy. Especially if one is preganant. So one should have as many partners as it takes to be cat poop free.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:14 pm

I know, isn't it amazing? I'm upfisting everybody tonight in celebration. I think it's all because notThatRadio called me Weedlord Bonerhitler. When I get done with my political names (i.e., after the election is over) I might just decide to be Weedlord Bonerhitler forever.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:17 pm

I got nothing. You just make me wish I was a cunning punster like so many I could name here.

Veritas78 June 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm

S'okay, and thanks for pumping my p-ness! I'm struggling to keep it at 100, and I stand in awe of your 140. I hope that thing comes with a warning label!

Barb June 9, 2012 at 10:27 pm

I wish I would have come up with the name Anastasia Beaverhousen. I love that name!

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 1:44 am

Congratulations, Mr. Bonerhitler. I hope to one day reach your level of p-ness, if I could only get a goddamned consistent schedule going here…

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Tuvalu is a wonderfully quirky movie that's kind of a love story and kind of about the battle against the mechanization of human life, with an international cast — an issue with which the film deals by having very little dialog. It's very sweet and inspiring and heartening, with good acting and production values. Four stars.

Ben X is a surprising little gem of a story about an autistic kid who is being bullied, and how he defeats his tormentors. I didn't expect to like it because it's a painful subject, and I really don't like films about kids or teenagers, they tend to be mawkish and sentimental, as a rule. This wasn't. It was delightful. Three point eight.

Killer Bride's Perfect Crime is hilariously funny, although it has some snivellable moments. It does leave you feeling kinda heartened, though. Three point four.

The Lunatic is a delightful movie set in Jamaica about a guy who is a little … different. It's very funny and thoroughly enjoyable. Four stars.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 10:55 pm

Just call me Weedlord Bonerhitler, dood.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Gives new meaning to the admonishment "Don't shit where you eat".

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:09 pm

This delay, while unexpected(?), seems like a Really Good Thing (although probably a wee bit annoying for your daughter).

Perhaps it was due to the combined psychic good wishes of the Wonketariat.

(That's bullshit, of course, but the good wishes are real).

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 1:50 am

Well, I guess it's not too late for me to say congratulations then!

Your day went well, I take it? I spent mine performing at a Tai Chi/Qigong competition in San Jose (no pizza for me; I had a sweet potato stuffed with risotto at the end of everything).

Barb June 9, 2012 at 11:12 pm

I love what you said, George! Thanks so much. Chrissy is holding out for her 4th wedding anniversary on Wednesday or Father's Day, next Sunday. I don't think she can last that long though.

George Skullfry June 9, 2012 at 11:17 pm

All hail Aqua Weedlord. ;>)

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Thank you, George. Will you be going back to "Spelvin" ever again, or are you permanently "Skullfry" now?

Jimmyone June 9, 2012 at 11:31 pm

MB……had a small emergency….. I don't know about real names, I do know the Wonkette is famous now and a lot of people read it. MittBorg isn't your real name???

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I hope everything's OK, dude.

Actually, periodically we have a nasty bunch of trolls trawling through here for personal information of commenters. I should probly delete that comment.

And no, MittBorg is not my real name. My *real* name is Weedlord Bonerhitler.

MittBorg June 9, 2012 at 11:56 pm

I couldn't possibly agree more.

flamingpdog June 10, 2012 at 12:08 am

So is this the newest argument for sister wives?

starfanglednut June 9, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Aloysious Idiomatic Gossamer Impracticable Longshoreman Technocracy Predominate Involuted Enraptured Parliamentarian Patriarch Verdure Emulative Perihelion Dichotomy Intellectual Chaste Iron-Curtain Linkage Colonialistic Dilapidated O-Isopropoxyphenyl Photosynthesis Hobson FTW!

flamingpdog June 10, 2012 at 12:01 am

I've heard of some pretty gymnastic moves in that area.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:02 am

Isn't it hilarious? And beautiful?

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:10 am

Google says that's from some TV show. Is it a good show? The name is certainly clever.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:11 am

Yeah. They be Jeebusing themselves straight to hell, dumb muthafuckas.

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Even Levitcus never says "Thou shalt not photographs gh3y weddings"

starfanglednut June 10, 2012 at 12:16 am

The rule of the poom poom is worse tyranny than colonialism!

Barb June 10, 2012 at 12:20 am

Will and Grace. I love the show and have the complete collection on DVD.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 1:24 am

Oh MittBorg, you know I love you more than I love my luggage. You are a trusted friend that I share all my super boring secrets with, lol.

If you have "no idea" how it happened, you should look at your super cool 21,000 comments. You have the stamina of an 18 year-old on Pop Rocks and Mountain Dew.

Now if you will excuse me, please. I need to post 14,000 comments to catch up to you.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 2:05 am

Your day sounds like mad fun.

I chored like the wind, baked a fresh loaf of bread for my outdoor bird buddies and watched the LA Kings lose the hockey game. I have my fingers crossed that they will win the Stanley Cup at home on Monday.

Jeff bought a ladder for me, just what I wanted. I can't wait to climb things tomorrow and clean new nooks and crannies. Having OCD works out well for me.

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 2:16 am

It was simultaneously amazingly fun and ridiculously long. I took part in a group Qigong competition (which we kinda won by default, as we scared the rest of the competition away). Afterward, we went to a Gala banquet organized by the same people and got to watch a bunch of wushu Grand Masters perform for the evening. It was wonderful!

Your day doesn't sound too bad (seems quite nice actually). I don't keep up with sports much, but hopefully your guys will do better next time, eh? And yes, OCD is strangely wonderful, isn't it?

Barb June 10, 2012 at 2:38 am

OCD is the BEST! It happens to be a bonus on my "I'm a housewife" resume.

I won't wear my 3 carat engagement ring because I am afraid it will get dusty. I use my thumb to clean the spigot while I brush and floss my teeth. Hell, I don't even read the magazines I subscribe to because I am afraid that subscription sign up card will tumble out and mess up my train of thought.

redarmyzombie June 10, 2012 at 2:50 am

That's awesome. While prepping the Grandmasters trophies before the competition, I held up the rest of the line because the ribbons they used just *HAD* to be right!

"Dude, you can pass that off now."
"But it's CROOKED!!!"

Also, I just did a little backtracking here at teh Wonkettz, and I just would like to add that I hope your granddaughter's birth goes smoothly.

Steverino247 June 10, 2012 at 3:22 am

Nope. Had to look that one up. Interesting. I don't wanna live in a world without vulvas.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 3:22 am

Thanks for your well wishes. It means a lot to me that you care.

I'm going on vacation next week. I will take a vacation in July to see all the new hatchlings. I need someone to clean all the baby goop off them before I can face them. Just kidding, the thought of Chris and Vic running around and preparing for my visit makes me feel guilty.

redarmybarbie June 10, 2012 at 3:38 am

Barb, that's what SURPRISE visits are for! You stop by, give them enough time to put their pants on, then go to the local hotel so they aren't obligated to stress themselves in a tizzy! Room Service for EVERYONE!

In seriousness though, it will be good when the young'uns get to meet Grandma Barb. I can tell you now, they'll never get enough of ya!

George Skullfry June 10, 2012 at 3:41 am

Good question. As I'm sure you know, George Spelvin is the name used in playbills by actors who want to remain anonymous. I've been using it because I'm a retread. I nuked my former Insane Debate profile in a pointless (and alcohol-fueled) over-reaction to the announcement of the Rulez.

Silly me: (1) I was WAY over-excited, and (2) the Rulez have never really been enforced, anyhoo.

Anyhow, I soon realized that I had Wonkette in my metaphorical blood, so I reincarnated myself. But, with reincarnation, you lose everything precedent (including my modest, but at least over 110, pee), and here I am now.

Skullfry seemed appropriate, but it turned out to be fucking impossible to incorporate Barb into it, which led me to think it has to go.

So, currently, I'm thinking "bobbert". My ex-stepdaughter called me that sometimes, and, as it happens, my RL front name is Bob, and my dad's RL front name was Bert. So, if no one else has seized it already, that will be me.

George Skullfry June 10, 2012 at 3:44 am

Heavy Voice-Over Announcer: "In a world without vulvas.."

Everyone Else: "Fuck that shit, man"

BelleSC June 10, 2012 at 7:14 am

I testified at my neighbor's hearing that he was back at the home which he was forbidden for entering. Third domestic assault conviction is a felony. He beat the shit out of her, threw her down the stairs, and broke her arm. He's in jail now. Was this the third time? Could have been more.

At the hearing she testified that she loved him, did not fear for her life, and wanted him back in the home. This standing next to the Safe Homes worker who was assigned to her case.

She moved out soon after that (renter). The one time I did speak to her I got right in her face and told her she was the only person who could keep him from killing her. I told her I was THROUGH with her.

Truth be known, I am through getting involved in the lives of people who are idiots. People who have the knowledge and ability to escape but choose to stay.

*washes hands*

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Most battered women will return to their abusers between five and seven times before they finally make the break. It's learned helplessness. The guy convinces his partner that she can't make it without him, and after a few sessions of beatings, she starts to agree. It's not easy to fix human beings. They're very complex creatures.

BelleSC June 10, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Started to reply but am just getting into maudlin stuff. You deserve each of your upfists.

not that Radio June 10, 2012 at 1:28 pm

And a "bipolar bear" is a large, hirsute, gay gentleman from Alaska with OCD.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:37 pm

(Hugs the Belle) I'm sorry, sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you. This stuff is very hard to deal with, and even to think about. I get pretty maudlin about it myself sometimes.

We soldier on.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I thought you felt familiar! I shall just have to upfist every hiccup you post until your p-ness returns. Welcome back, it's nice to know I'm not the only one addicted to this fucking place.

You think they're beaming addiction vibes directly into our brains? (adjusts hat)

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Thanks, RAB. Bonerhitler, I love it.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Oh, is that it? I always thought peeness was based on upfisties. Well, since I can't really walk very much or well, I find myself online a lot these days, although I am healing (slowly), and one of these days can look forward to having a life again. I hope.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Poom poom POWA! I laughed through that whole thing. It's just delightful.

Hey, you're a tern! Or something.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Yes, it is based on upfisties. The more comments you post the better chance of upfisties you get. Ah crap, I almost did math there and it made my head hurt from trying.

Come and pluck some weeds with me and then we will go for a swim.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Someone turned me on to Carolina Chocolate Drops, and I'm listening to them while replying to all the Wonketz comments. In a little while I will take my swollen knee down into the garden (it looks like a small cantaloupe!) and clip back the plumbago which is taking over my hill and pull out the weeds around it. I have a stupid neighbour who has chickens. She lets them run loose and they come up onto my property and get run over and eaten by people's dogs and stuff, and it's all very upsetting for the poor little tykes who live here and have to watch dogs tearing a chicken apart for yucks. I caught one of the chickens the other day and gave her a good talking-to about the fate of chickens who tresspass on Weedlord Bonerhitler's land. She came back the next day with five friends. I must not be intimidating enough. PS: and I can't swim worth shit, either. Pathetic, innit?

Barb June 10, 2012 at 2:35 pm

OMG! I was plucking weeds and my freaking back cracked. I didn't hurt anything. I am just afraid of throwing my back out like you did while plucking weeds.

Jeff said we need a nap and then we can start the day over.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I need to do something about my back. It's getting to where it sometimes goes out when I bend over.

My ex just suffered a weird spinal collapse. Her spine kind of turned into an S and she's had to have part of it immobilized.

Yay, naps! I'm going out in a few minutes, I swear. The sun is shining, it's a lovely day!

starfanglednut June 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I was sad when Inga left, though. And I think its sweet and fun that you respond to everyone. I luvs me a good, friendly wonkette conversation. I sometimes miss the days before intensedebate, as the p system seems at times to foster cpmpetitiveness and hierarchy.

Jimmyone June 10, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Sorry to hear about the knee, MB.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Yeah, she was quite the character, or her character was. I never really pay much attention to that pee points stuff until it starts making people unhappy. I don't like the unhappiness. I'll think of how to fix that.

MittBorg June 10, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Thank you kindly, Jimmyone. I wish it hadn't happened, but I had half a century of doing fun stuff before it did, and I REGRET NOTHING!! Except it would be nice to be able to hike ten miles again.

I gotta wait for my partner to get me downstairs. I could try doing it on my own, but yesterday was so discouraging, and we have nearly a hundred stairs. When I bought this house, I swore I'd have to be carried out feet-first, but I don't know how much longer I can manage these stairs.

Barb June 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Screw the nap. Hobbes, how long should I take BS from bill collectors? The guy who had my number before me doesn't pay his debts and I get the calls. I thought it was Chrissy calling and it was another crappy bill collector for what's-his-name.

Jimmyone June 11, 2012 at 12:55 am

One speed is all I gots nowadays….doesn't cut it sometimes when trying to keep up with the grandkid. He is a terrific kid, so patient with me, and kind. Amazing for a nine year old. He has more kindness and compassion in his little pinky than the entire shitbaggers/GOP in this country. He even limps a little so I don't feel so bad. Grandkids are a GIFT to us olds.

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 10:16 am

Funny. I know a guy named Lordweed Hitlerboner. Obs you're not the same guy.

vtxmcrider June 11, 2012 at 10:25 am

Too bad people are not like that. We could all apply for jobs in neonatal nurseries and give Republican babies tons of love and affection as soon as they are born.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Happy Pride to you, vtxmcrider.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Thanks for your kind thoughts.

However, it takes backbreaking labour to put in tomatoes (if you have poor, rocky soil like I do, anyway), so while it's a lovely idea, you'd have to be more stoned than Weedlord Bonerhitler to forget whether you'd put the buggers in. Got my FIRST tomato yesterday!

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Ah, you know, I can't wish ill on kids. They don't ask to be born, and who their parents are is often the luck of the draw. And Republicans, well, the current crop, anyway, seem to raise them with so little real love or respect for their uniqueness and individuality. I'll just say you have to be inhumane to BE a Republican and leave it at that, shall I?

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Kids can be so sweet and loving, and I'm glad your little grandson is taking good care of his grandpa, my brother. (Hugs Jimmyone)

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Eh, I'm so sorry, I made it downstairs to spend time with the tomatoes after all.

I believe you can take legal action, and it might be as simple as publishing a notice in your local legal publication. Your attorney can probably tell you. Alternately, you can contact the company that's harassing you and put them on notice. I'm so sorry this is happening now, when you're worried about your little girl. Hoping all the best for her.

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