Who would anyone want to go to a Wonkette Detroit happy hour, besides maybe a car or something? Are you a CAR? So come to Wonkette Providence happy hour instead — it’s right down the street! — with “Internet writer Jim Newell,” who will have to get drunk early in the afternoon by himself if you don’t. Save Jim from an average day, please.
We are here in Providence for the Netroots Nation “Libtards of the World Unite (To Cry About Everything)” Conference 2012, where this morning we saw a hilario…. no, sad, sad is what it was, we saw a very sad panel about the foreclosure fraud crisis and general banks-control-everything facts of modern existence from which there’s no escape anytime in the near future. It was fab! And then Elizabeth Warren showed up and was like “Hey you all know me.” Nice gal (for a Mexican.)
Anyway how about 2:00 p.m. tomorrow for this meet-up. You’ll all be there or you’ll be banned. You’ll come from everywhere. Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Connecticut. Massachussetts and Connecticut are half a crap away from this creepy 2×4 island-state clam place, really. Come from New York, why not? Why not? We will meet at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow (Saturday) at:
Murphy’s Bar
100 Fountain St.
Providence, RI 02903
First drinks are on me. (Did I really just fucking say that?) I don’t want to die alone. First drink is on… you. I don’t want to die alone. Please email me at jim@wonkette.com if you plan on coming, or just show up.
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When Jim wound up back here, you knew that heavy drinking could not be far behind. In you honor Jim, I will drink a bottle of Rex Goliath Shiraz tonight.
Sorry, Jim, I'm saving my sobriety for the meetup in Florida, but I would so steal a car to get to Providence if I could (and not get caught).
Natch, and the heavy drinking has begun. Wait for the disappearing grammar…Buck is one BAD drinker, although he luvs the alcoholz
Jim it's past 2pm.
"tomorrow," good word to add
Wait, "tomorrow" is in the blog post!
Oh wait, crap, I wish teh Wonkette wouldn't allow corrections to the blog posts after someone comments on them (like the comments), so all the late-comers could laugh at the mistakes, too!
P.S. Is that a really big name tag you're carrying around you neck, or do you have a tiny head?
He is just happy to see you.
If you're gonna spend all that time to lay out change at least glue it to the bottom of your above ground pool.
Speaking as a born and bred New Englander, it's really strange to see the words "Providence" and "happy" in the same sentence when you're referring to Rhode Island.
As a tribute to Newell, I've got half a bottle of Stoli 100 in the freezer that I will mix with mango juice (to celebrate his gingerness) and a splash of lemon (to honor his biting wit) as soon as I get home tonight.
I hear he only drinks Pimms Cup.
Not even a little bit of S.E. Cupps?
Ugh–human ipecac
Hmmm schlep to Providence or schlep to my niece's dance recital?
Decisions decisions.
You know what the right answer is. But you'll probably go to your niece's recital anyway …
My rented Yugo may make it that far, but not until October or so. Just put a paper napkin over my martini until I get there.
How to speak Providence (swamp yankee)
Prahv-dince = Providence
Bahhh = bar
Sahhx = Red Sox (iz BIG DEAL – Pawtucket RI is the home of the AAA Sox farm club)
Wurster = Worcester
Master those and yer in at any locals' drinking establishment. Toss in the occaisional Wicket and you'll prolly get some drinks purchased for you by said same locals.
Also, there's a quaint little bahh in the bottom floor of the Biltmore that used to serve warmed cashews for free. Wicket old wood panelling and sconses and shit like that – beautiful old carved woodwork. Not more than ten of you will fit in there, but it's a great place.
DEIT: almost forgot, DON'T bring up the Bruins – or Tim Thomas their wayward, taking a year or so off, goalie. Not if you want any service. Case it isn't already apparent, RI's so small that they glom on to MA sports teams as their own.
Especially don't bring up Curt Schilling
When I was living in New England for grad school, they always called it "Wooster" not Wurster. I think something about noreasters makes people there incapable of pronouncing more than a few consonants at a time.
You know you are absolutely right. The R is very subtle. I should have written it as woo and not wur. I hear that clipped R in my head and think it. But woo is probably the best way to explain it to someone not familiar with the area and that brutally clipped R.
So, correction:
Wooster = Worcester
PICKLE BACK!!!
Have fun you wonketteers!
I won't be there- it is Girl Scouts Rock the Mall and Capital Pride in Dc(the 2 are not connected- I think) this weekend and I am working at both of them
"Give me two pina colda's one for each hand." Your not drunk until you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am SO stealing that line.
Scuze my while I run off to put this to practice …
My favorite Frank Sinatra Quote; " I pity people who don't drink,because when they wake up in the morning that's the best they are going to feel all day."
Something tells me that we're all going to be subjected to Testicle Pics at 2 A.M.
Just what I need. More 2 am crotch shots.
I thought Elizabeth Warren was an Indian (feather–not dot).
RI & MI are about as far from me as possible–it's like you don't want me to come. Sniff…
Didn't a couple of editors/interns used to live in Austin? You, me, El Pinche, and others in the Central Texas area need to lobby for the First Texican Wonketterati Whisky Fest!
During the cooler fall weather, preferably not during a UT home game. Deal?
Texas and Florida need to represent!
Yeah, there's someone who lives in Taylor, too I think, but I can't remember his handle.
Sounds good! October is not a good month for me with family/friend b'days, ACL, TX/OU weekend but let's do something sometime.
I actually live just outside of Taylor and based on what I've seen of people in Taylor I'm the only Mohican in this here tribe.
Even if our Wonkette Overlords don't show up we'll take the initiative to get 'Totally Newelled'!
Oh, maybe that person was you then. I remember him posting about having to get his progressive magazines from the mail carrier. (No, it wasn't porn.) If not, then there are two of you from Taylor!
The San Antonio delegation can be convinced.
Excellent!
All Texans to meet behind the outhouse at 2:00 PM.
Man, I want to break the seal on my 2 years of no drinking to drink with Jim. Well, maybe a six pack in there – I don't have an addiction, I just got sick of waking up and remembering that yes, I really said that to that person and then fell down. Jim, are you as fun in real life, or do you just growl and hiss? Are you going to yell at the crowd to "Stop raping people?" Damnit, why's Providence (everywhere) gotta be so far away from Buttfuck, Midwest?
BEHAAAVE YOURSELF! BEHAAAAVE YOURSELF! BEHAAAAAAAVE YOURSELF!
Wait…what am I saying? No, Don't!
Jim will buy everyone (A) beer.And a box of straws.
A toast! To Jim the wordsmith!
Mrs. weejee is running a garden tour tomorrow otherwise we'd be driving from Seattle. Ha!
Cheers to ya though!
Hey, Jim: don't forget your Towel!
Also, I'd stay away from that Ol' Janx Spirit. Unless you play to lose, that is.
Argle Bargle Fleen.
Washington is not a place to live in. The rents are high, the food is bad, the dust is disgusting and the morals are deplorable. Go West, young man, go West and grow up with the country.
Having conducted extensive research into drinking in the early afternoon, I am sorry I'm going to miss this occasion. Y'all have fun, though. And eat stuff, and don't drink in a hurry — pace yourselves.
Sorry I can't make it to Rong Island, or Detroit. I've gotta get meself 334 miles east to Berkeley Springs.
However, I did see some prommie or such talking up Atlantic City.
Did you know the ocean in Atlantic City is awesome, because the gulf stream comes close to land there? I'm up for Atlantic City in July or August, you betcha. Even if I have to drive out there from Columbus, Flyoverland.
~
As it's still Cephalopod Friday, a little Music is in order, I think
Octopus
EDIT: I used to refer to this band as "Genital Giant" just to piss off my Very Serious Friend. It worked.
It's time for me to exit my cubicle for the day and go home and diddle my oceras.
NOTE: That's jennyi, not jennegi. What do you expect for South Dakotans?
That Didymoceras specimen is the most bizarre fossil ammonite I've ever seen. Thanks!
I loved the Dioramas at the Smithsonian as a kid.
Some bling for you from PZ's blog http://freethoughtblogs.com/pharyngula/files/2012…
A Jeweled Squid? Awesome! Thanks, that's a great way to top off the evening.
PZ is a Gem himself. Love the Octopus x-mas tree!
I came. Now what?
Did you see?
temporarily blinded, but okay now.
Have a little something to eat, to keep up your strength.
Leave a twenty on the dresser and go back to work.
I'll be eating Tex Mex after Jeff and I take one of our "grunting naps" and then we will drink heavily at home, or as I like to call it, Friday.
A grunting nap? Uh, OK…
Lol, sorry about that.
We went outside to water the veggie garden and Jeff came over and cradled my breasts. I was like, "um, you do know we are outside, right?'
So, you whipped off the bottoms climbed on top and rode him, yelling, "HIYO SILVER! OHGODYESYESYES!"
Wonkaderos gonna rock the house, I hope!
Anyway I'm down in DC – WHERE YOU LIVE NEWELL, so I won't be there (and will thus be hated, which is pretty much the default), sorry, no private jets available this weekend, presidential campaigns and such going on.
NEWELL, WHO IS WATCHING YOUR CAT??
P.S. It is true I have never been to a Wonkett Meet-and-Drink, even the ones in DC, but this is mainly because there was never one on a weekend, as I recall. Friday night does not count. Do it on a Saturday or Sunday in DC, #IAMTHERE!!!
Newell lives here? I need to look at his photo.
When I first glanced at the headline and then the picture, I only saw the top right and it looked like the dude on the ground just puked. It made sense, until I saw the whole picture, so never mind.
His vomit is oh-so-talented!
Puking coins takes talent!!
No, it's just one of Mitt's "issues".
I'm going to a screening of the Exorcist complete with split-pea soup sucking contest.. I'll be sure to spew some for Jim and all Wonkers present!
I am a recovering Catholic and saw the Exorcist when I was young; I did not sleep for a year.
Same here. I was a little over 1 yr. old when the movie came out, and my devout Catholic grandma was having a shit fit because I wasn't baptized yet. According to my mother who saw it in the theater, the head twisting scene scared her so much she stood straight up in the air..
I saw it on opening night in Tacoma, WA. People got up and walked out on the soup scene. Others were physically ill.
I think it's a fucking comedy. "The power of Christ compels you!" 17 fucking times before the Power of Christ does jack shit to the bed? Hilarious.
Fukui-san and I were tentatively floating that we gravitate towards Jupiter in Berkeley tomorrow night, for any Bay Area Wonketeers. 7 PM? 8?
Since I now reside in the "extended Bay Area" (Groveland), while I'm definitely up for a meety and/or drinky thing, I'ma need a couple days heads-up.
Wow, I'll keep that in mind when I head up to Yosemite!
Hey, it's not much (actually, it's a dump), but it's only 40 km from the 120 gate. I'm here most of the time. If you didn't already know this, even during the summer you can just about drive in and park before 8:30 (that would be leaving here at 7:30).
Providence? I could do Providence. But not till my vacation in August. Bad timing is the story of my life.
Baldar Does Providence just doesn't have the pizazz that Debbie Does Dallas did.
I'll be in Providence on July 8th, so look out!
It's bad timing for me, too. I lived in Rhode Island until 9 year ago.
True story: my sophomore year college roommate's brother lived in San Francisco, and his residence's front door was the "green door" in "Behind the Green Door."
Anybody going from Boston? Can I hitch a ride? I'll pay for gas.
Still waiting for a Seattle party! Don't half ass it by putting it in Portland, either!
But, but… Seattle is a suburb of Portland!
You have that backwards. It's wintel, not intdows. Seattle Rules! Put that in your salmon and smoke it!
We prefer the more general "partially assed"
the polite term is "ass challenged"
Will "fractional assitude" also be usable in polite company?
I'll drive over Snoqualmie for a Seattle party just let me know when and where.
I will drive in from Goddamned Boise for that, given sufficient advance notice. And maybe a couch to surf.
Have fun almost 800 miles away from me. Jerks.
I hate it when they single us out.
Jerks?
Today's self help topic is: Coping with Bitterness
it shoulda been coping with rainy 50-degree days in June. I usually love Portland, but not today.
They could set up a laptop with Skype and webcam overlooking the festivities and we could liveblog our comments.
800 miles.. meh thats next door.. try 50000 miles away in Adelaide, south australia, I can see the worlds anus from my back door.
Karl Rove is down there now?
OT: Latest results in the San Diego County Judicial race, with 88K absentee/provisional ballots to go (next tally on 6/11/12 at 5 p.m. PDT)
SUPERIOR COURT – Office No. 34
GARLAND PEED 165360 50.17%
GARY GEORGE KREEP 164267 49.83%
Or 1,093 votes for the rational candidate over the irrational candidate, which is lots better than the -56 we had on Wednesday morning!
More news as it happens to me. Drink up and have a great weekend.
Great news, Steverino! Those absentee ballots are looking good.
Well, now that's a nice Friday nite note.
HAHAHAHA Jim is so sad and lonely he almost offered to buy you drinks. IT IS LEGALLY BINDING JIM. Shoulda asked me for a credit card number at least, IDJIT.
"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking." But I repeat myself…
Oh, you say that every week.
Some weeks I say it daily.
That's why I always say, "Jim is good for it."
If Prince Fielder shows up, punch him in the dick.
Will Mittenz give teh wonket credit for the booost in the economy in Detroit ? What with sexywhatnot and boozing?
Rmoney: “I was too important to go to Vietnam.”
~
That's just …. remarkable. I wonder if the LSM will mention it.
Um…
Free Wood Post is a news and political satire web publication, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All news articles contained within FreeWoodPost.com are fiction, and presumably fake news.
Yeah, but it feels like something he would say.
Thanks DZ.
OT: But…
Woman arrested with cooking meth inside Wal-Mart
USA! USA! USA!
Megachurch pastor Creflo Dollar arrested
Hallelujah! And, I mean it. Too bad it wasn't for his shameless grifting, though.
And, this, my friends, is why America is the greatest nation in the history of the world.
Well, that's Missouri. In Tulsa, they don't even bother evacuating the store when somebody cooks meth.
Wasn't there another Wal-meth story a couple of months ago? It could be a meme.
OOPS! I didn't see your question there. ↑
Yes.
OT: I have to admit, I'm rather pleased with myself. David Bugnon, the guy who created that Breitbart-as-a-plagiarized-knight picture, has disappeared all evidence of the "artwork" from his facebook page and his website, without any comment. Down the Memory Hole.
I like this warblogging.
And, yes, I recognize that my post today was merely pulling together stuff that other people (PNW_Kurt, Biel_ze_Bubba, and the guy at Mock, Paper, Scissors) had already called attention to, plus some snark. Rule 1: always cite your sources. Rule 2: if you ignore Rule 1, don't try to sell the results for $3999.95
We're all proud or your work here, Doc.
While it's sad that the original painting is gone now, we'll always have
"BlightArt".
Painter of Breit?
OR, but the question came while I was getting likkered up and showing my official Wonkette Homeland Security Badge. Repuglicans say marriage is the sacred loin-joining between one man and one woman. But God his own self is currently married to thousands of culty Catholic Nuns and supernaturally porks them all at the same time. His pimps wear dresses. Does that at least get into adultery, where somebody has to be stoned to death? Now back to drinking.
Anything catholic is about 100% kinkier than the average activity that your everyday gay couple is getting up to at any given time. And probably gayer too.
Hey, we in MT resemble that linkin' up remark and we like it
I'd always intended to set up a meeting like this by steering people to Shorts' old, never visited web site where we could post info. But he took it down out of hatred for the common man.
Instead, we can either use Craigslist (I prefer the Farm and Ranch section: 'Wanted Deviated Preverts who Enjoy Sheep' or beg Commie Girl to let use exchange info on the sly.
Well, there is a Chatango Wonkette site but I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate me posting the link here (it's for old time Wonkette folks). Let me know if the editrix doesn't let you exchange info privately.
If you play Words with Friends or Scrabble, start a game with me and we can chat there. Shill_fox
Does your kind have crotches?
Pits. And lots of them.
HAWT
I am on Southcoast area of Massachusetts, about 15 minutes from downtown Providence. I might be able to drop by for a little.
Good lord, honey, I am stuck in MT or I would most certainly get plowed with you. Remember: "I drink you health when I'm with you, I drink your health alone. I've drunk you health so G.C. much, I've darned near ruined my own."
not quoted completely, or accurately, but I am freakin' drinkin.
Good lord, honey, I am stuck in MT or I would most certainly get plowed with you. Remember: "I drink you health when I'm with you, I drink your health alone. I've drunk you health so G.C. much, I've darned near ruined my own."
Lucky me! I'm so freakin' drunk I double posted and I didn't even get the original post right! Yay for alcohol! What I think I was trying to quote was the old one that said God Damn. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me sometimes.
Double vision is an artifact of having one liver, two eyes, and three fingers of vodka.
Hmm – I live in East Providence but I'm on call this weekend (as a pediatrician). I suppose one drink wouldn't hurt. Maybe I'll show up as well.
Nice to meet and chat with you and Joe. Enjoy the rest of your stay in our fair city!
Details? Pics? Throw us a bone here!
Not much to share – we all (Jim and 2 of us) drank beer and I ate a sandwich and we chatted about this and that, then I had to leave. He's quite nice in person and so was the other guy who showed up. Don't know if anyone else came after I left.
Oh, and he's not really very "gingery" – more strawberry blond, I'd say…
You won't die alone Jim. We'll die together. See you tomorrow.
On the other hand maybe I won't wake up at 8am so I can get a bus to go drink in Providence. Also, Providence is where the indians said my ggreat-grandfather could build his teepee in 1636. And then he called it Providence and waited for his family and other heretics to arrive.
Nope, not yet.
I can't imagine what you're referring to.
I hope he's not waiting on the delivery of his Breitbart In Heaven portrait.
No, he's already received his copy. It's hanging on his Wall of Patriotic Paintings.
He's still waiting for that "iphone", though.
Lol. Good comment, ntR. My handsome husband Fluffernutter thinks so too!
OT
Yahoo's broken news picked up on the Mitten's petition highjinx. http://goo.gl/VvNkU
you have to watch a bit about drunk deer first. There's some video so that's fun. Weedlord Bonerhitler…classic.
Thanks. Now we can all say that we knew Weedlord Bonerhitler before he was a Famous Meme.
Please feel free to redistribute the office door nameplate.
Thanks!! I will do that.
I feel all special now. I enjoy watching the birth of a Meme When it's combined with Pranksterism, it's especially wonderful.
you have to watch a bit about drunk deer first.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Before Mrs. weejee went nutso on the holly trees this spring with her trusty chainsaw, we could watch the robins eating fermented holly berries, the bright red changes to maroon. The birds would get totally smashed, but at least had the sense not to try to fly.
Slight OT, but while we're on the topic of critters, the first of three eaglets at Decorah has fledged. It's parked about 10 feet away from the nest on a branch
That's too frickin' adorable. I'll show that to my daughter when she wakes up.
We caught this photo of a burrowing owl out at my work site. We were doing some surveying, and came upon one of its usurped prairie dog colonies. It immediately decoyed us and hopped over to another, non-nest burrow.
Since we apparently aren't getting a happy-fun weekend post, I'll stick this here:
Bonnaroo Live Broadcast (starts 12:30 CDT but they are rebroadcasting yesterday's stuff now.)
Hey, I just saw the post on Balloon Juice about the NRN meetup being a Wonkette joint – what's going on? Not that I care, or anything.
Balloon Juice folks were with Jim when I got there, but we split into 2 conversational groups after that. They seemed nice.
Did Jim buy the drinks?! I have to know!
Nope. The subject didn't even come up. Besides, he's only 27 and I'm a rich (ha-ha) part-time inner city pediatrician.
This is a lot closer to the bar where they filmed Something About Mary, but I'm still going to Detroit…
me, I was with girl scouts and then at the Capital Pride parade- no alcohol(well for me- I can't speak for the girl Scouts or anyone at the Pride parade)
"Who would anyone want to go to a Wonkette Detroit happy hour, besides maybe a car or something?" – Who would indeed!
No, that was me getting The Nation. Rush Limbaugh is the most listened to voice around here and I regularly run across people who are Doomsday Preppers and home schoolers, waiting for the Rapture. I sure miss Half Price Books, good Tex-Mex and non-typical Texans!
Well, I live in Cedar Park–literally .5 mile from Travis County/Austin. There are plenty of mouth breathers here, too, but we're close enough to 'civilization' that I can handle it.
If you make it a weekend event and give me enough time to get my ducks in a row, I'll drive over from Houston to join you for a few drinks.
Done.
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