Do Not Forget Your Wonkette Meet-Up And Drinky Thing, Detroit!

Wonkers

Are you within 300 miles of Detroit right now, Wonker? Are you going to drive hell for leather to the Bronx Bar tomorrow (Saturday), to meet up with likeminded people, and kill them? (NO. We are a pacifist blog! BEHAVE YOURSELF!) Right, so here is your reminder that we (“we” being Your Editrix and YOU!) will be Gathering. Saturday, 7 p.m., at the Bronx Bar, 4476 2nd Avenue, Detroit Rock City. First 10 pitchers, as always, are on Your Wonket.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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Hola wonkerados.

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113 comments

        1. PuckStopsHere

          The Hardcore pawn guys won't be there, BUT I WILL! YESSSS! And I vow to personally kick Ted Nugent in the ass if he shows up. But, he won't.

  1. actor212

    I realize you have to take a show out on the road and play the sticks before you bring it to Broadway, but please don't insult the Big Apple by patronizing a bar named after one of our lesser boroughs.

    Thank you.

    1. James Michael Curley

      If you're ranking the Bronx below Staten Island never cross the East River.

    2. hippie13

      Oddly enough I objected to the place as well…I mean god we might as well be Yankee fans.

  2. MissTaken

    I hear the trees are the right height there. Does that also mean the pitchers of beer are filled to the right level?

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      The sad thing is, whatever level they start out at, they always end up empty.

  3. BarackMyWorld

    Everybody please avoid the temptation to skip Detroit and keep driving right into Canada.

  4. emmelemm

    Have fun! I actually have a mostly undamaged high-functioning liver, so if any of you need a transplant after the event, I could probably spare a lobe.

        1. James Michael Curley

          “If I knew this was going to make you so unhappy, I would have come right over and told you, just to make you eat your liver. Hey, where are you going? Come back here. Come on back here and eat your liver.”

    1. TootsStansbury

      I thought it was from the perspective of the lucky recipient of the first 10 pitchers.

    2. Naked_Bunny

      That, or it's my POV during a terrific party. I guess the determining factor will be if they're wearing pants.

    3. Chichikovovich

      If my memory of bad 80s movies holds true, it is the immediate precursor to a trip to the cornfield.

      Which I suppose is what happens if anyone tries to skip out on paying their round after the first ten pitchers have been inhaled.

  5. BornInATrailer

    "First 10 pitchers, as always, are on Your Wonket."

    Must. Refrain. From. Bukkake. Joke.

      1. ShiftyParadigm

        Jason is Justin's evil twin — the one who gives up five runs in the first inning.

  6. SorosBot

    Have fun, Detroit! I'll be drinking with a certain other Wonketter over on the West Coast then.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Oh, I thought that this love-affair was purely virtual! You two get to get it on for reals? I am so happy for you!

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Where, where, where? If it's anywhere nearby, I could use a martini or three right now.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Something tells me with these guys will be doing a lot of eating out as well.

        1. OneYieldRegular

          Ah.

          Well, hang a necktie on the doorknob or something when the coast is clear.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Bring the child with you, by all means. We will be happy to counsel the troubled youth with the secrets to living a life as happy and successful as ours.

  7. niblick77

    If you are planning on attending, remember, safety first, put on your condom before you enter the bar! Ladies, that means you, also!

    1. BornInATrailer

      That could actually be hilarious. Fire up a webcam and audio, point it at the main bar area, start a thread for comments and let her rip.

  8. coolhandnuke

    Is there a possibility the Motor City will see a second bailout from this bash?

  9. C_R_Eature

    Eh, I hear that Detroit, along with Chicago and New York is all the same street. A typical city involved in a typical daydream.

    Really I would attend, but there's no way I'd drive out there twice in one month. Once is almost too much. Cheers, though! Do something Monstrous for me.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    Remember kids — you know you're drunk if you think Hmtrmmck has exactly the right number of vowels.

  11. Baconzgood

    I must attend to my spawn this weekend or else I would have made the 4 hour trip to have a drinkey drink.

    1. Antispandex

      Where are your priorities? Put the kids in the old jaloppy, tie the dog carrier to the roof, and hit the road!

    1. not that Radio

      I made a nameplate for my office door. I'm gonna wait until 5:05pm to put it up, so that I can't be blamed for it on Monday.

      "Honest, boss. Anybody could have done that over the weekend."

      1. C_R_Eature

        That is absolutely Magnificent and made this week completely worthwhile. Thank you.

        I hereby award you the Most Coveted Gold-Coloured Star and Balls of High Pranksterism.

        You may get lucky with this one. In my experience, Pranked Nameplates ofter go unnoticed for days, even weeks. Office folks tend to ignore things they see every day. I have some experience in these matters.

        1. not that Radio

          I have some experience with that. My boss's name, first and last, rhymes with and has the same number of letters as "Harry Potter". That nameplate was up for more than a week before I was overcome with guilt and took it down.

          1. C_R_Eature

            That's really fun, but Not A Career Move, than?

            Mine are usually color prints with the exact same font size color and background as the nameplates and clipped to size and slid into the plastic holders. They look legit until you're right on top of them.

            A Stealth Prank and effective. I'm so widely known as a Prankster that it takes real effort to get away with one.

          2. not that Radio

            Oh, that's exactly what I did. I even matched that faux-granite plastic background pattern. I'm telling you, nobody noticed, or everybody noticed but nobody wanted to take it down.

          3. not that Radio

            Even a 1:1 photograph of someone's head/face taped to a broom handle and propped up behind a desk will give the coworkers a start, when seen out of the corner of the eye.

          4. C_R_Eature

            Nice! That's a quick one, faster than my usual kiddies balloon face and hat.

            Also, I've been informed that the mannequins in the elevator are No Longer Funny.

          1. C_R_Eature

            I love that movie. It's so appallingly Bad it's Good and there's so many great catch phrases to use.

            Re, Pfeffers: They're one of only three species of Cephalopod that's known to be toxic and the only Cuttlefish!

          2. MittBorg

            "Prawn of my loins" is definitely going on my list of Favourite Catchphrases.

            Re: Pfeffer's — this is the second toxic gift from you in a week. The first was that beautiful blue-ringed octopus. Fascinating. Thank you.

          3. C_R_Eature

            That's a good one! also: "I'll kill anyone who gets in the way of me killin' anyone!", "Professor Death! Professor Rape!" and also "WHERE'S MY PIRATING OUTFIT!?" among others…

            You're welcome! A lot of organisms that either generate this one, blur ringed octopus) or acquire (poison arrow frogs, certain caterpillars) toxins hace the consideration to display bright colors and patterns to warn others off. Unlike toxic people.

          4. MittBorg

            Yes! It's just an enormous collection of great lines and Silly Stuff, which is high on my list of enjoyable things in life.

            I learned that lesson after a few unpleasant experiences. Mother Nature uses bright colours to warn you AWAY! Toxic people don't come with such *obvious* warnings, but I've found the best test of people is to expose them to your animals. If they don't treat the animals with love and kindness, kick 'em out immediately, you'll be doing all of you a favour.

            'Course, I had to go through a bazillion assholes on wheels to find that out. (Hugs the CREature) You have to watch this movie, CRE. I think you'll like it.

          5. C_R_Eature

            Yeah, how people treat Animals is a telling psychological indicator. People with little of no empathy don't react well and those are the worst.

            Thanks, MB but I'm Netflix-Impaired.

          6. MittBorg

            The late (and sometimes lamented) Fareedah Peeples (who basically wanted to be Fareedah all other lifeforms except maybe mice) attacked every human who ever entered my home. I knew I had found partners for life when I found two people who didn't mind at all, despite the bleeding. (She bled me regularly, too.)

            Sorry about the Netflix impairment, dood.

      1. C_R_Eature

        That's Shocking, but you're allowed one of those on Cephalopod Friday. Don't worry.

        You will have to Study Up, however, for next week.

  12. sylamore1

    I shall be there, having been suitably bribed by Editrix Wonkette at a function last night in Motown.

  13. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You need to get up to the Pacific Northwest. Where the beer flows in golden streams from the mountains.

  14. owhatever

    Why does this photo remind me of the Bain Capital formation picture? Party hard, young Wonketeers, and sing and dance and say witty things, for Monday comes early next week.

      1. Grief_Lessons

        Ten years ago I would have tried. There's a multiplication factor that adjusts the number of miles to go for a drink by the number of domestic commitments you have: 513 miles x job x wife x toddler x newborn = might as well be on the fucking moon.

  15. Texan_Bulldog

    You going to have Ted Nugent play for you guys? I'm sure he'd threaten to have sex with some lucky Wonketteer.

  16. Andrew Drinker

    Dammit, I wish I knew about this earlier! I AM indeed within 300 miles (Columbus OH) but the better half has us committed to something else. Someone stop by Dearborn and pick me up some falafel!

  17. AtwatersGhost

    The photo is not 100% accurate, the five people standing over you as you lie dying in downtown Detroit aren't likely to all be all white… or so fit. Looks more like Minneapolis folks.

  18. Barb

    Checked out the review of the bar you are going to. Sounds like a great place!
    "Good for Kids: No"
    Let's see who says this nine months from tomorrow.

  19. finallyhappy

    I am not going to be in Charlotte for the convention- how about DC(again)? I missed last time but I'll show up this time, I promise- even if I am old

Comments are closed.