Your morning news: this time with a main dish of weird news that Americans have finally begun stealing jobs back from China, a side of old news (yeah, yeah, Bush is annoying) and a dessert of future news (everyone’s going to be on Facebook soon!). - America is actually stealing jobs from China. Someone explain this “job stealing” concept right now — does it work on jobs that famous people have? Can you steal Kanye West’s job? Asking for a friend. [The Atlantic]
- Former president Bush is the most unpopular living president. Actually, according to the numbers, a majority of Americans dislike him. It’s likely all the kids who grew up and looked at their families and said, “Really? This guy? Twice?!” [Huffington Post]
- Romney’s job would be super easy if he gets elected, considering how much Obama’s done for him already. But then, Romney’s made Obama’s job of reelecting himself so much easier considering Obama is no longer the most elitist one in the room. [The Daily Beast]
- Most of the world will have high-speed internet in 2017. Pretty sure this means that everyone will be watching Mad Men at that point. At the same time. [Mashable]
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Things more popular than Bush:
Black Eyed Peas, mandatory annual Super Bowl Halftime show
Bleeding, in shark infested waters
Breakdancing, in skinny jeans
Circumcision, sans anaesthetic
Colonoscopy, by Edward Scissorhands, by live python, sans sedation, via chainsaw
Crucifixion
Barb, you only had time for the short list?
Expressing one's dog's anal glands
Human centipede
Yeast infection
Spending all day in Yankee Candle
I've figured it out. Barb has a time machine and she is able to go 15 minutes or an hour into the future and find out what the upcoming posts are about, and notes the time that they are posted. She then comes back to the present and types up her comment in Word. At the appropriate time, she comes to the new post and cuts/pastes/submits her pre-written response. That's how she has all these long comments and still manages to be the first or second commenter time after time. I'd probably do something a little different if I had that time machine, but maybe there are limitations to it that I don't know about.
Jesus, I just hope she doesn't step on any butterflies.
Probably just an Intense Debate RSS Feed, a Mac and way too much coffee.
Would being crucified help Shrubs ratings?
Well, we wouldn't want to advocate death for anyone, even people we really despise, but yes.
Hypothetically. Just no resurrection, please.
Probably not — but we should give it a try anyway, just in case.
We could justify it as "image rehabiliation for a Dear
LeaderPresident"I'd justify it as "I wanna nail that fucker to a post and watch him hang there," but that's just me.
Only if Mel Gibson turned the event into a movie intended for fundies.
Human Centipede
Two girls, one cup
Toxic Avenger
I've already posted "human centipede"
Here's one for the list:
Going to see the Battleship movie. *shiver*
I missed your follow up post
Meow
What's with the "meow" there, Fizzy.
Stop it, you're making me hungry again.
Circus Peanuts candy… but it is close.
Giving a cat a bath
Kissing your ancient great aunt who has a thicker mustache than you do (for guys)
Kissing your ancient great uncle who trembles and makes you think he may be copping a feel (for gals)
Wrestling a bear
Licking an ashtray
Flossing your cat
Butt flossing your cat
Giving a cat a bath with your own tongue.
Steve Martin libel!
Norovirus
Guinea Worm
Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever
MIRSA
Necrotizing fasciitis
John Boehner's annual Vodka bill
Things more popular than Bush:
Being dead. (vampires, also)
Some obligatories:
Chewing on razorblades.
Walking barefooted on broken glass.
Taking care of your neighbour's dog that has a skin condition while they're on holiday for a week …
Limp Bizkit
Nickelback
Clorox, drinking
Clorox, douching with
"Hotel California", repeating audio loop of
"Jingle Bells" by the barking dogs, repeating audio loop of
Licorice
McNaughton, John, the complete paintings of
Sandler, Adam, the complete movies of
Sandler, Adam, books on tape read by
Scabies
Strawberry Yoo-Hoo
Anybody else reminded of those two guys on Saturday night live played by, I think, Billy Crystal and Christopher Guest:
"You know how you get a lot of paper cuts?"
"Yeah, and then you get them all full of lemon juice?"
"Yeah, and you roll around in… what do you call it?"
"Salt?"
"Nah, nah"
"Broken glass?"
"Nah, nah, the other thing"
"Thumbtacks with all the points facing up?'
"Yeah!"
"Oh, I hate when THAT happens!"
Or how to go from "guy you'd like to have a beer with" to "guy you'd like to dump a beer on" in 8 long years.
More precisely: "guy you'd like to dump a beer on after processing it through your bladder first".
Well yeah, you don't want to waste beer.
This has the added value of annoying wingnuts because it counts as recycling.
Bush more hated than the Comminiss Obama? Yeahright.
Mad Men? No. You will not talk me into watching that drek again.
Blue Steel, also.
"W who"?
–The GOP
SLUGGO!
If I don't speak with you later, please have a good weekend.
So we're stealing China's jobs? Well, you know what they say, "One from column A, two from Bain Capital"…
I find it distressingly easy to fap to Mad Men.
I find it distressingly difficult not to fap to Mad Men/Christina Hendricks.
How does she not fall over?
She's got a pretty significant counterbalance as well, you know.
http://www.theawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/…
Jesus! (genuflects, in awe)
[NEAR-SPOILER ALERT!] I was not at all able to fap to a certain distressing plot twist involving Ms. Hendricks this season.
Former president Bush
These words. They look like English but what do they mean?
War criminal?
(I know I used this yesterday, but it fits).
It's actually Gaelic, and it means: world biggest fucking douchebag… ever.
And yet there are those who think America needs a third "former President Bush". Masochists, I think they're called.
It's a vast liberal conspiracy to make America think this mythical figure was president for 2 terms. He never existed and neither did the years 2000-2008. To believe anything else is to be a plantation slave.
Former frontman for Preznent Cheney?
It means "The Stallion Who Mounts Ignominy" in Dothraki or Klingon or whatever.
Sorry, Chet, can't entirely agree.
As vomit-inducing at it may be (and I apologize in advance for the mental picture), Darth Cheney was the mount-er, and Duhbya was his little bitch.
Oh you want to go there, do you?!
http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/09…
Who is the chimp at the top of this story?
And yet if you refer to Obongo as an ape, or call his fat-assed Mammy wife a Wookiee, the libunatics call you a racist. Their hypocrisy knows no bounds.
In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey.
I always thought the line "I'm a winner, things are gonna change, I can feel it" sounded like it was supposed to be a GHW Bush impression or clip. But a bit of googling suggest it's from an obscure movie.
Look like some sort of punch-the-monkey* target for competitive shoe tossing tournaments held in many parts of the world.
*Settle down, class, this is history, not the playground.
Cheetah Libel!!!!
Tarzan had a cheap, less successful younger brother who had a pet cheetah named Monkey.
What jerbs are we stealing from our beloved Bejing bankers? "Would you like an egg roll with that Schezwan chicken?"
No starch in corrars.
We ruv u wong time????
I'd like to steal me some Italian jobs.
Shoes, suits, or cars?
That chick who does the Fiat 500 ads. I'll like to steal her.
I don't know. She looks tall enough to be doing the stealin', if you know what I mean.
Is it really fair to hold former President Bush’s un-likability against him? Aren’t ringworms and intestinal parasites God’s creatures too.
Don't Remind Him.
Bush-worshipping toadies: "Miss me yet?"
America: "Fuck no!"
America: "Only with the first shot!"
I swear, they were surveyor's marks!
"Bush worship" must mean different things to different people.
Well W isn't the first thought when the term "Bush Worship" is tossed around.
Mission Accomplished Fuckface! Now even people outside your family hate you.
Who are the fucking 43% who found him favorable? They should be locked up.
Also known as the "Republican Base".
I caught the Clapp a couple of times in the sixties. I miss that more than Dubya.
Dubya just knew he could prove that one can kill more of one's countrymen through sheer stupidity than Augusto Pinochet could kill through pure evil. So after 9/11 Jeb had to pay him a dollar.
Cartoonist Ted Rall said he came up with his characteristic style of drawing Bush as a banana republic general after looking at pictures of Pinochet's elaborate uniform and blank, empty eyes.
If we could just get rid of all those job-killing environmental and product-safety regulations, we could beat China in the production of cadmium-coated drinking glasses for children, too.
Plus, your kids'll love the Ethylene Glycol in their cough syrup. Tastes sweet!
But no abortion, no birth control, no stem cell research, and no wimmenz health, because Jeebus babbys.
Fox News will run a segment "proving" that Bush is the most hated ex-president because he was the single person most responsible for getting Obama elected in 5… 4… 3… 2…
"because he was the single person most responsible for getting Obama elected"
I doubt that their grasp on the principle of cause and effect is that good.
Fox News will run a segment "proving" that Bush is the most hated ex-president because he was the single person most responsible for getting Obama elected in 5… 4… 3… 2…
PALIN LIBEL!!111!!
"Obama is no longer the most elitist one in the room."
I'm sure Obama wouldn't go narc to the police if some dude was burning a spliff on the same beach.
But he might intercept it. And for some pot heads, that would be a far worse offense.
"Don't Bogart that joint, my
friendPrez, pass it on over to me!"Yeah yeah, it's great jobs are coming back, but if China wants to really do us a favor, they can take some of our republicans off our hands. Politicians, the export that is a win for everybody, except maybe China. But I am sure they could fuck up that country too.
Yeah, then they could go live in that perfect utopia that they can't seem to shut up about, without all those pesky labor laws, no environmental regulations, government in charge of birth control and abortions, etc.
I don't know; they seem to have more than their fair share of Republicans as it is.
The zoo has a Texas lion, and the White House had eight years of an incompetent half-witted dry-drunk belligerent pretend cowboy.
Can somebody put that on a sign for me?
As I said in a previous comment on a different post-*dry* drunk? Are you sure? Take a look at photos from the 2008 Olympics, especially the one where Shrub is holding a flag upside down, and one of his daughters (Jenna?) is looking at him like, "Dad, WTF?"
Yes, perhaps, but that could also be attributed to plain old incompetence.
Or his Quaalude stash jar from the 70's ain't empty yet…
When you have only four-fifths of a brain to begin with, sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.
Oh, and in other news — if we never hear another goddamned thing about the fucking queen of England it'll be too fucking soon. No wonder I've been in a bad mood this week, with that damn undercurrent of a celebration of hereditary monarchy and inbreeding going on all the damn time.
Unfortunately we will hear about her again, when she freakin' croaks and the whole fucking planet will all be sad for another damn week or thereabouts, and then the damn coronation. Can we just not be an anglophilic society anymore, please?
She ain't no human being
I look forward to Prince Charles becoming the Queen.
Aren't you making a rather sweeping assumption there? I mean, are we absolutely sure that LimeyLizzie (our LimeyLizzie, of course) doesn't want the job?
Don't worry. Lizzie will reign forever as the Immortal God-Empress of Albion and the Commonwealth. I mean, if you were her, would YOU give that twerp Charles the satisfaction of your dying?
OK so this week you've flogged Jackson Browne, Neil Young — such intrepid pop &/or culture icons! — and now the Mother of all Queens. What do these three have in common, you ask? I'm about to tell you, and am sorely disappointed this did not resonate loudly enough as I zapped it through the tips@wonkette line… They all SMELL GOOD for their age, a new trippy poll has shown, thank you San Fran Gate and thanks y'all for allowing me to get this vital information off my chest so we can all be clear. Finally, an explanation for all those zombielike attacks: frail, feeble peeps just smell so damned scrumptious!
Oh, but I like Neil Young. And The Temptations, for that matter. And for what it's worth, I've never thought of Jackson Browne as smelling funny, though James Taylor — he probably raises mung beans in his desk drawer — they're very nutritious, but they smell like death.
James Taylor — he probably raises mung beans in his desk drawer
I think Neil Young would approve of that. Didn't he, after all, enlist Taylor's backup vocals on that late-80s album whose title song went, "…On This Harvest Mung"?
I think the tipster gods don't pay attention to SFGate tips thinking they will just be naked pictures from Bay to Breakers and why our food trucks kick ass.
Upon visiting their homepage for the first time in a while: it was, without exaggeration, a quite 'busy' page of ledes, bells & whistles compared w/ when I'd last checked it aeons ago.
That's nothing; you should hear me play piano.
Neil Young may be a very nice person, and an iconic musician, who gets major coolness points for being part owner of Lionel and improving model trains (!):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Young
But there's no way he smells good, unless by "good" you mean "like patchouli and ass".
Indeed. To quote me GranDa's comment made in response to the last notable jubleethingee:
Bluedee foooking waste. (One assumes of money and time, but it did not seem wise to inquire at the time. One learns to merely grunt in sympathetic resonance to such.)
Whenever I read/hear/see news about the royal family, the first thought that enters my mind is: "Didn't we fight a war so we didn't have to give a shit about a bunch of inbred, pompous, self-absorbed wankers?"
Good to know it's not just me …
Yes, but the pretty boats and dresses and history and such as.
Really, so long as they aren't ordering me to carry a British flag across London Bridge, I couldn't care less. I find the royal family magnitudes less worrisome and maddening as a practical matter than that nation's Conservative Party, and their death-wish to emulate the American Republican Party to the t.
So, if the British don't mind spending a tiny bit of their GDP on that museum that is the Royal Family; I couldn't care less. They could spend it on things much more dangerous and pointless You know, like the F-22.
So wages under the last 40 years have finally stagnated until we are competitive with the Chinese for labor rates, and most of America sees Dubya for the fucking moron he is. I suppose this is progress in some sense. I suspect that they'll just move production of cheap shit to another lower cost country and after the next republican administration Dubya will finally start coming up in peoples eyes again.
*pat pat*
Don't worry, Rotundo; there are enough starving poor people in Africa to guarantee that none of us even get shitty jobs for the rest of our lives.
Can you steal Kanye West’s job?
I can do that. I'll even go around and interrupt Taylor Swift for free, but there is no way in hell I'm fucking Kim Kardashian.
"… most of the world will have high speed internet …"
America won't do anything the rest of the world is doing (c.f the metric system). And I, for one, will welcome our new dial-up modems.
I want to get a job as one of those flayed, plasticized chinese corpses, the pay isn't great, but the job security is the ultimate.
Do the Chinese show their meals in plasticized versions in the windows like the other Eastern Asia countries I have been to? I have seen in in a few NYC places, but they apparently use real food.
“Really? This guy? Twice?!” Well, once actually. As evidenced by the previous post, the oft-hated Supremes horned in on the first one.
It would warm my heart no end to have a kid (ie anyone not over 30) look at me and ask WTF about shrubW for two terms.
It would give me extreme hope to think that any such kid was paying that close attention to the ramifications of various political choices this country has made. The WTF's with shrubW? part would just be extra icing.
Dear Editrix:
I know that George W. Bush is an important part of our history, but that photo is just too much. Please replace it with This One.
Thanks, CRE
And that is why I keep asking if Shrub is really a *dry* drunk.
I think he was, but looking at that series of photos leads me to believe he took a flying leap off the Wagon at that point in his Ill-Starred presidency.
I'm sure the "choked on a pretzel" incident was really "got black-out drunk".
"Got Black-out, fall down in a huge pool of your own vomit drunk."
It's just too bad he didn't tape everything, like Nixon. Although there may be CCTV – that would make an hilariously awesome YouTube video
Rumor is that it was a small stroke, but black-out drunk is easier to snark about.
"Yeah, so what? Whada they gonna [hic!] do, impeasssh me?"
Precisely. At that point in his Tragicomic Presidency he gave even less of a Flying Fuck what anyone else thought.
Yah, but then we'd have to look at ole Kissinger's kisser too.
That's what Photoshop is for. We could use it to replace his pustulently Evil countenance with someone far less pustulently Evil.
I thought it was gonna be the rat in the toilet pic.
Worse.
Here's the nice thing about Bush: as grim as things can be–and there's been more than our share of post-Bush despair–one can still relax a bit thinking President Ooo Shiny-Shiny isn't leaning back in his desk chair and watching the pretty red light reflect on the walls while the world burns.
Yes Bammerz will just rub his reptilian hands in glee and return to his home planet through his shift gate located at the foot of the Lincoln monument.
I thought we had woke up from our long, traumatic national nightmare. Then someone had to mention that Bush guy again.
Hey if we're stealing jobs from China that can only mean one thing — Wal-Mart has finally opened its Beijing branch.
Hey George: today is World Oceans Day!
Help us all out. Jump in.
OT, but man is my internet/Wonkette fucked up today. I wonder if the cyber-terrorists have something to do with this. Looks like I might average one or two comments an hour. Guess I'd better make them good.
Wonkette.com's got nothing on salon.com, which (speaking from my POV, yet I suspect I'm not alone in this experience) froze my work PC just now after I tried clicking on a Pareene post fellow commenter linked to, backthread.
You always make them good, BTF.
OT
Nate Silver predicts Nobama to win by 400 electoral votes in biggest rout since LBJ laid a whopping on Goldwater in 1864 or something. Mittens conceded at the news and subsequently has leapt from an undisclosed Wall Street window.
Perhaps I exaggerate just a tad.
390? That's possible?
Wow.
Are there… crosstabs?
This post needs more Archaic Cephalopods.
I suppose this means that Bush will be touring with Hootie and the Blowfish.
In a nice cable knit sweater?
Granted both Bush elections were stolen, but they shouldn't have been close enough to steal. Who were they running against? Al Gore and John Kerry? Oh, OK, I guess I can see why they were somewhat close.
For those interested in starting the daily WTF? as polling and electoral vote estimates change, here are five leading links.
Everybody's favorite election Nerd Nate Silver http://fivethirtyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/
A very astute Canadian who has been doing it for nine years now; http://www.electoral-vote.com/
Real Clear Politics (should be called Republican Claims at Predictions) http://www.realclearpolitics.com/?state=nwa
Huffinton Post (I include only because it has links to about seven others) http://elections.huffingtonpost.com/2012/romney-v…
New York Times (They have the strictest criteria for calling/predicting a state but they will put up a predict it yourself app in a few weeks. http://elections.nytimes.com/2012/electoral-map?n…
Dear Mashable:
25% of the world's population does not even have electricity, or clean water. But they can scan those annoying QR thingies on cereal boxes into their smart phones and receive valuable coupons!
Sincerely,
The Limits of Asymptotic Extrapolation
There's probably an app to find a good place to shit in a field…
Bush is supposed to have a book coming out on the economy soon. Now that will be a best seller over at Newsmax. Sign up and you will get a free copy and two copies of Snow Snooki's latest tome America by Heart.
Cheney: "Why do you always look away when you toss my salad?"
I miss President Zoolander, and by that I miss that he's not still under investigation for something.
Every time I see that face now I relive that November night that marked the beginning of my twenties and of the country's slow and painful decline.
Cat Fight!
Nah, I'm purring.
I understand the awe. I gave up genuflecting for lent one year and never started again.
I know right? She's like ur-woman.
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