HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT!  6:55 pm June 7, 2012

Everyone Must Spam GOP’s Anti-Healthcare Reform Livestream Thing Immediately

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

The National Republican Congressional Committee has helpfully parked a camera right above a printer in its office that it has dedicated to churning out constant filth for your amusement. Here is the tumblr where you can go fill out your very own “online petition to repeal the health care law” or whatever and watch your submission be printed out in the NRCC office. Hurry before they have to chop down all the trees on Earth to keep the paper tray filled!

Here, it took us exactly twenty seconds to assemble this collection for you:

Some poor intern is sitting next to the machine swiping out the really good ones as they print, so don’t blink!

UPDATE: The NRCC gave up, fun is cancelled. The Internet, however, agrees that this petition is the winner of the Internet, today:

[iwantrepeal tumblr]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 193 comments }

nounverb911 June 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I'll have the spam spam spam spam bacon and spam please.

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 7:35 pm

This is the LATE Parrot.

ibwilliamsi June 8, 2012 at 10:26 am

He is no more!

ttommyunger June 8, 2012 at 3:02 pm

He is the former Parrot…

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Baked beans are off!

MosesInvests June 7, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Shut up! (Bloody Vikings!)

Beetagger June 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Colonel Angus reporting for duty!

LionHeartSoyDog June 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

No disrespect intended, but i think you spelled Kernel rong.

smokefilledroommate June 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Angus doesn't have a 'g', right?

LionHeartSoyDog June 7, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Silent 'g.'
As in gasp, god, golly, good gracious etc.

Butch_Wagstaff June 7, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Kernel Angus? Any relation to Harry Dingleberry IV?

sparecake June 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

This was funny for about 3 seconds until I noticed that the name on the top paper under the stapler is my aunt's name…

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Does she know my uncle Harry A. Nuss?

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I'm sorry Aunt Orly has been such a disappointment to you and your family.

Terry June 8, 2012 at 8:20 am

Have you considered holding an exorcism for her?

Arken June 7, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Must be out of paper. I've been waiting and waiting, but they won't print my petition even though I signed it with my real name, Tex DaRich.

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

I believe he went to college with my uncle, Phuck DaPoor

chascates June 7, 2012 at 7:04 pm

This is warblogging I can get behind!!!

Shorts, my friend, JOIN THE BATTLE!

littlebigdaddy June 7, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Quick, someone call Bart Simpson!

Butch_Wagstaff June 7, 2012 at 8:21 pm

I'm looking for a Amanda Huginnkiss.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?

KotBR June 7, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Perhaps you can track down Oliver Clothesoff then?

doloras June 7, 2012 at 11:34 pm

Maybe your standards are too high.

DerrickWildcat June 7, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I am kind of a Man.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:19 am

And kind of a Wildcat.

chascates June 7, 2012 at 7:07 pm

NOTE: site places a cookie so you can't just refresh and do it again. Name and twitter handle are the fields to make your statement.

TruckNutz for the Masses.

ALSO.

Guppy June 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Ctrl+Shift+Del

chascates June 7, 2012 at 7:44 pm

On my Macbook?!?!?

smokefilledroommate June 8, 2012 at 4:36 am

On a Mac, I think you click on the apple icon and everything bad just goes away. ;)

HistGuy June 8, 2012 at 9:19 am

I tried that for 8 years, starting in 2001. Stupid Mac.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Hey, it worked *eventually.*

Designer_Radio June 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm

This is kinda stupid. Printing out computer comments and filming them to post to the internet? Can we get a little more Rube Goldberg-ish?

BerkeleyBear June 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

How about the fact that they will then take the print outs, bundle them together/box them up, trundle them over to the House floor and use the sheer size to claim their wasteful methodology proves just how popular repeal is? Without ever bothering to do any actual analysis as to how many are from AFP linked networks where the IT guys just scrub the cookies and re-spam over and over.

Designer_Radio June 7, 2012 at 8:10 pm

I had the same vision as I typed my entry, but I also wanted to be mean to the morons.

LionHeartSoyDog June 7, 2012 at 7:08 pm

i don't know.
i signed my name: Real Bhoners Don't Cry.
And it didn't show up.
Did i do it right?

Guppy June 7, 2012 at 7:41 pm

It's my Congress and I'll cry if I want to
cry if I want to
cry if I want to

LionHeartSoyDog June 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

You would cry, too.
If it happened to you.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Have they turned it off already? Uninsured Deadonthestreet didn't get to sign the petition.

littlebigdaddy June 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

I think their webcam is off-line. I didn't get to see Heywood Jablome's petition. What a bunch of noobs!

undeadgoat June 7, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Darth Vader missed out as well . . . This reminds me of the time I had trouble placing a fax at work (I KNOW) because some Redditors had got ahold of the number and were spamming the shit out of it.

smitallica June 7, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Ha! You took mine!

smokefilledroommate June 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Truck Nutz sincerely wants repeal.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Dick Manwoody firmly supports whatever this is!

Dr. Nick Riviera June 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm

This is sure to help the deficit! Someone needs to check which GOP members own stock in paper companies

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Someone needs to check which paper companies own GOP members.

fify

(The answer, of course, is Georgia Pacific.)

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Scott Paper is apparently a fairly ethical company for one's paper needs (well, at least as ethical as owner P&G nowadays, but P&G had a feud with Amway and there was a stupid moral panic over their logo, so they're cool in my book).

I'm totally not just saying that because they gave my school a bunch of trees, btw.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2012 at 8:53 pm

What happens when they all reach the right height?

But yeah, one of many reasons to buy Scott products.

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Dunder Mifflin?

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Don't the Koch Bros. own one of the biggest?

spinozasgod June 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

georgia pacific

MissTaken June 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Wow, the internet really is a series of tubes after all.

spinozasgod June 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

inter-tubes…

Sparky McGruff June 7, 2012 at 10:14 pm

More like plaque-choked sclerotic arteries.

Estproph June 8, 2012 at 9:31 am

So is the Republican party.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 9:44 am

Judging from some of the things I've seen out here, the Internet is
a Series of Pubes.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:57 pm

OK, so PR0N is in most of the Tubes, and your point is?

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 12:59 pm

That Is the point.

Ryy June 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Shoot, Uppity Negro didn't get to see his print.

Instead just something about Wiscunsun.

Ryy June 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

It says "I can see Nov from WI"…. so is the NRCC saying that in Nov the incumbent will be re-elected? Weird….

undeadgoat June 7, 2012 at 7:52 pm

LAWL

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Oh, snap!!

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I love how they think surviving a special recall (and by not nearly the margin they seem to be portraying it as) equates to a win in November. Wisconsin (and many other upper Midwestern states) haven't went red since Daddy Bush…and that's not about to change.

ibwilliamsi June 8, 2012 at 10:28 am

I think it's "Uppity Nigra". That's how they say it in polite society here in NC. The REALLY upper crust say "Certain Segments of Society".

Sheesko June 7, 2012 at 7:17 pm

I have a better idea. Give Barry some moolah for reals and then write to your damn senator or whatevs and tell them why you want and need the health care law to go into effect, just like Mittens did in Massachoositz.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Stream isn't working for me, so I said fuck it and am now watching the NRN livestream instead.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I just found out that just the fact that Net Roots Nation is happening is pumping as much money into the Rhode Island Economy as Curt "Not a welfare baby" Schilling's failed video game company took in taxpayer money.

This is a lie, but apparently it's a fair couple of million.

Designer_Radio June 7, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Didn't print for me. Jig is up?

First Name: PayForCancerTreatmts
Last Name: WithChickens
Email: suckadick@rethuglicanssuck.com
Twitter Handle: @BackwardsParty

Blueb4sunrise June 7, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Mitt Rimme from La Jolla was there.

MissTaken June 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Does the intern pulling the paper off the printer get healthcare? Would hate for him/her to get a paper cut that gets infected and be unable to see a doctor when healthcare reform is repealed.

ibwilliamsi June 8, 2012 at 10:30 am

Pshaw! Free interns getting coverage for on the job injuries? I think not!

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Lower the medical requirements for Dilaudid, and the drug store cowboy righties will be sure to follow.

SorosBot June 7, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Printer? The Republicans sure do love their outdated technology.

charliearglist June 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I tried "Biggus Dickus" but didn't see it print. Now Biggus Dickus is saddus.

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 7:37 pm

My sympathies go out to his wife, Incontinentia Buttocks.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 9:50 pm

I find this wisible.

charliearglist June 7, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Incontinentia shit herself when she found out.

pinkocommi June 8, 2012 at 2:34 am

You know what the RNC will do with those petitions? They'll thwow them to the floow.

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 7:38 pm

So, whoever thought this up got what, a free hand-job from Rich Penis or whatever his name is?

aklibtard June 7, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I went for accuracy more than snark and just put down Racist Teabagger. I didn't see anything printing though.

Tommmcattt June 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Jasmine Tease
Will Utossmesalad
Gunter Toejamowitz
Anale Varts
Hank Poogassin
Bo Kakke
Ig Noramus
Sarah Palin

…the list grows daily.

alteredimages June 7, 2012 at 10:33 pm

I put in Al Ovthemkatie. Sad it didn't print.

Tommmcattt June 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm

HA!

fartknocker June 7, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I submitted one for Caiden Cager. Such a precious little tyke.

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I listened to his show last night for about 20 minute before he went to commercial break. Said he would be back right after the break, but after the break and 10 minutes of dead air, I took off. Guess his mom finally made him go to bed.
EDIT: And you misspelled his name – it's Gaidum Cawlgirl.

Tommmcattt June 7, 2012 at 10:50 pm

We should make him a Manhunt profile.

Fare la Volpe June 8, 2012 at 1:24 am

Careful now, he's 14.

Better make him an Adam4Adam.

CountryClubJihadi June 7, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Cole Itis demands a repeal, but all I really want to be is Mrs. Jim Newell.

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I put in a cry for help from Bristol Palin's carney dog.

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Prince Reebus is rubbing out the spam entries. So technically, the RNC Chairman is rubbing one out every 2 seconds.

#stamina

BarackMyWorld June 7, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Harry P. Ness wants to know why they're addressing these to "Speaker" Pelosi. She's not Speaker of the House anymore and that's not a title you get to keep for the rest of your life.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Unless your name is Newt, apparently.

Butch_Wagstaff June 7, 2012 at 8:29 pm

"Harry" seems to be popular for naughty names.
My best friend went to school with a "Sharon Peters."
Her father's name? "Harry Peters."
I shit you not.

deanbooth June 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm

I had a friend named Candy Peters. It's amazing that she didn't keep her maiden name.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 9:48 pm

Hell, she'll always been Speaker Pelosi, to me.

BarackMyWorld June 8, 2012 at 2:16 am

Speaker of our Hearts.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 7:54 pm

"UPDATE: The NRCC gave up, fun is cancelled."

Goddam, how many times are they going to do stupid internet shit? These people just don't have any fucking imagination at all. Can't they see beforehand what's going to happen? If only we could do this with their legislation.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 8:02 pm

H.R.3521
Latest Title: Expedited Legislative Line-Item Veto and Rescissions Act of 2012
Sponsor: Rep Ryan, Paul [WI-1] (introduced 11/30/2011) Cosponsors (37)
Related Bills: H.RES.540, S.2086
Latest Major Action: 2/9/2012 Referred to Senate committee. Status: Received in the Senate and Read twice and referred to the Committee on the Budget.
House Reports: 112-364 Part 1, 112-364 Part 2 COSPONSORS(37), ALPHABETICAL [followed by Cosponsors withdrawn]: (Sort: by date)

Dave Hitler (WI-5)
Baby Rapist (MO-2)
Saxby "Stalin" Chambliss (NC-3)
Chris Christie (Sandwiches)
Bristol Palin's Uterus (AK-47)

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 8:15 pm

When I see Saxby Chambliss, I think more along the lines of NC-17.

bagofmice June 8, 2012 at 9:31 am

Well the last time I let someone saxby my chambliss, let's just say there was a hoover steam cleaning unit involved the next day.

smitallica June 7, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Well crap. Looks the world will never get to hear from Cheney Zoriginal Hart.

Butch_Wagstaff June 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm

And WIN!

Aridzona June 7, 2012 at 8:04 pm

Koch Soccer

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Kirsten's not having a good day at the office. Dumb internetz!!!1!

SorosBot June 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

How was the NRCC so stupid they didn't realize how people would use these before putting it up?

imissopus June 7, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Dude, they're Republicans.

Antispandex June 7, 2012 at 8:20 pm

These things never last long enough to allow for the real funny to be brought. I had this nice one where I wanted to use a Bristol Palin reference that I would never get past our editrix.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Well, Heywood Jablome and Nascar Owner have signed. Still, their vaulted technology won't show the print outs. Stupid Idiots. Hey, wait, Stew P. Idiot Should sign.

SaintRond June 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Circumcision for dogs now!!!

rickmaci June 7, 2012 at 8:54 pm

"Lyon F.N. Repcon" didn't print. We are sad the Reptards don't want to play with us anymore.

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 9:07 pm

"PissDude Malone" is bar none the best thing Tom Selleck's ever done, barring nuns in bars.

zedbot June 7, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I wuv you knuckleheads. *sniff*

Steverino247 June 7, 2012 at 9:53 pm

OT, but good news: With 108,000 absentee/provisional ballots yet to be counted:

SUPERIOR COURT – Office No. 34

Precincts: 1643
Counted: 1643
Percentage: 100.0%

GARLAND PEED 157796 50.02%

GARY GEORGE KREEP 157642 49.98%

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Fingers, toes, cats, all crossed.

not that Radio June 8, 2012 at 2:34 am

My sister has a friend who is always saying "cross your tits!" Is this known to bring good luck?

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:16 am

I have no idea, but attempting to cross the cats certainly resulted in some *extremely* cross cats. They're just not as tolerant as dogs, are they? Let's hope the scratches stop bleeding soon, and everyone calms down and goes back to sharing the bed.

not that Radio June 8, 2012 at 10:17 am

Well, at least most breasts do not have claws. And I have never attempted to cross dogs. They seem too rigid, physically, although they are rather pliable, psychologically. Like the American Psyche, dogs are easy to manipulate. Breasts, too.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 10:16 pm

DAMN that's close. Amazing that some insane birther fuckball could even get near winning. Have my cats crossed also.

Steverino247 June 7, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Lots better than being behind by 56 which is where he was before today's tally. Peed's people were optimistic about the absentees as they knew they were ahead there and those folks tend to be more deliberate in their voting (as they're not standing in front of a cardboard podium) and might actually think about what they're doing. It's close, but I think Peed is going to pull it off. This will cause more hilarity as the birthers don't understand how this process works, so they will blame Obama's minions or some such bullshit.

So, let's get this out of the way right now: I fucking did it! Hahahaha!

cheetojeebus June 8, 2012 at 6:16 am

Mad man! or m a y b e genius!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 7:35 am

So, let's get this out of the way right now: I fucking did it! Hahahaha!

Say … what????

If you're actually the chap winning then it'll be one of the most awesome moments in the history of wonkette.

Steverino247 June 8, 2012 at 9:36 am

No, no, no! I'm taking credit (where none is due) so the lame "Obama's minions interfering with the machines" meme is stillborn. Nay, dare I say "aborted?"

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 9:55 pm

What can I add to this? Don't let this be the last post of the night. :(

BTW, they got Wisconsin, but how quickly they forget what happened in Ohio and Mississippi. When this type of crazy shit is put on a state-wide ballot, it loses. It's why I'm glad Dem forces in Michigan are going with a ballot initiative put collective bargaining into the state constitution instead of putting their money behind the hopeless gubernatorial recall (which ended, today, because of what happened in WI).

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Yeah, it's a bit of a letdown when the last thread of the day is a damp squib. I'm hoping the ginger ninja pops up with an update on his hijinks today.

News from WI was "voters elect same douchebag that they already elected once against the same candidate", as far as I could tell. Saddening that the GOP voters are so goddamn shortsighted that they'll support some asshole who'll apply long-term rights removal to a short-term problem, but they're GOP voters so you can't expect much.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 10:39 pm

BTW, can't WI Dems put up a petition to overturn Walker's banning of collective bargaining rights for public employees? If I were them, I would not be stopping, now. In fact, this is what they should have done in the first place. I'm trying to figure out if the laws are different from Michigan's on this.

In fact, here in Michigan, the legislator who was going to put forth turning us into a right-to-work-for-less state conceded that he wasn't going to put forth the legislation, because he has to put out the fire that is the ballot initiative. I think this is a smart way of making them work for their draconian bullshit.

Pop_Socket June 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

From the brain trust that brought you Amercia Is With Mitt. They just don't get this internetz stuff.

But at least Anita MandaFyre got to sign the petition.

Gunner Asch June 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Total Tool
of_the_oligarchy@yahoo.com
has done his duty and signed

randcoolcatdaddy June 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

I'm honestly surprised that the printer wasn't an inkjet spouting out the pages in Comic Sans.

smokefilledroommate June 8, 2012 at 6:01 am

or a ditto machine

littlebigdaddy June 7, 2012 at 10:20 pm

It's funny how the internetz aren't what the wingnuts think they are, but then neither is anything else.

alteredimages June 7, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Nobody put up Mittfor Amercia?

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 8, 2012 at 9:48 am

It's offical!

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 10:52 pm

OT, but I guess this dumb Congressional representative from the Square State story wasn't as good as the fine stories put up today since an earlier version wasn't accepted as a hotline tip, but maybe it'll work for the late-nighters. This is the child porn picture that Doug Lamborn would not allow into Congressional testimony.

Designer_Radio June 8, 2012 at 12:29 am

What an asshole.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:18 am

You have to remember that where we see a beatiful photo of a cute kid, they see a potential sexual object. Barf! Do they even realize what they say about themselves all the time?

Fare la Volpe June 8, 2012 at 8:18 am

When I was in high school my English class had a unit on Huckleberry Finn, and after scanning over a passage that mentioned that Huck (the fourteen year old boy) and Jim (the grown slave) traveled everywhere together naked, my English teacher looked out over the shocked faces of my classmates and said, "Look, if you see something sexual going on there, it's because you want to see something sexual going on there. Let's move on, please."

steamynachos June 7, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Something about a person videotaping a show on their television screen and posting it to Youtube comes to mind.

Beowoof June 7, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Ben Dover just signed.

flamingpdog June 8, 2012 at 12:01 am

Did his sister Ilene sign, too, also?

ElPinche June 7, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Aw, Mamby JizzlerPants and Whoris Frumpydicklicker didn't make the cut!

bagofmice June 8, 2012 at 9:42 am

Talk about some lazy rabbis.

johnnyzhivago June 7, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Not working for me!

SayItWithWookies June 7, 2012 at 11:44 pm

Diefaster Sickperson will not let the tyranny of Obamacare destroy America, that's for sure.

iburl June 7, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Republicans I would not waste a sheet of paper on:
Liz Aardpeeple
Güstav Breitbart
Ren Taboy
Kyl DePour

Buckminster June 8, 2012 at 1:29 am

I am so sick of this crap that I think I am going to wait until at least September to pick up the hot potato again. See ya.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 2:05 am

My late-night link.

Here's a link called DEAR AMERICA: You Should Be Mad As Hell About This [CHARTS] … and it's from bloody Business Insider.

Quite honestly, it makes you want to puke. Why anyone could possibly vote Republican in 2012 I've no idea.

Wile E. Quixote June 8, 2012 at 2:41 am

Quite honestly, it makes you want to puke. Why anyone could possibly vote Republican in 2012 I've no idea.

Because they're stupid, hate-filled fucks or greedy, hate-filled fucks. Oh wait, that was a rhetorical question? Damnit! Why do I keep falling for that rhetorical question trick?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 3:03 am

Oh yeah. That.

Just read "Deer Hunting with Jesus" – a book about rednecks – and that opened my eyes as to quite how ill-educated most people are in America, and how it leads to voting Republican. Mostly manipulation of the stupid by the rich. Surprise.

not that Radio June 8, 2012 at 2:36 am

Today, we are all Weedlord Bonerhitler.

Wile E. Quixote June 8, 2012 at 2:41 am

I think that Weedlord Bonerhitler needs to become a new Wonkette meme.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:04 am

Oh, man. In my next life I want to come back as Weedlord Bonerhitler.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 3:09 am

A mellow aristocrat who terrorizes Poland with his enormous schlong. I could imagine you playing that part.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:13 am

I really like that idea. (Makes notes for play)

Negropolis June 8, 2012 at 7:40 am

"You got your Germany in my Sudetenland!"

"No, you got your Sudetenland in my Germany!"

bagofmice June 8, 2012 at 9:50 am

Weedlord is being used as a title. You would be the alliterative honorable Weedlord MittBorg.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:32 pm

No way, man. I totally gotta be Weedlord Bonerhitler. MittBorg sounds like a total sissy by comparison.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 8:13 am

Weedlord Bonerhitler would be one helluva band name. I think you need to go for it.

Of course, to be fully equipped you'll need a set of These.

not that Radio June 8, 2012 at 8:45 am

Playing hits from their new album, Priapic Fuhrer of the Sensimilla Dominion

The Hairy Balls will fit nicely between my Way Huge Swollen Pickle and my Big Muff. Though, for this band, I may require a Fuzz Face, as well.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 9:05 am

Outstanding! you need that Big Muff!

I can't wait for the Stoned N' Boned 2012! tour. Featuring such hits as:

Oberstonedboneführer,
Ein Reich, Ein Toke, Ein Boner,
Battle of the Bulge,
I Put the Shaft in Volksgemeinschaft

bagofmice June 8, 2012 at 9:55 am

The second title is f-ing amazing. I've been laughing for a minute and yes, it's juvenile.But funny.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Hey! THERE's my CREature! (Hugs the slimy thing)

Those are some BIG hairy ballz, CRE.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm

The bigger the better! Hairy, also.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 2:43 am
MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:05 am

Oh, dear.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 3:14 am

In a 2003 study, Kevin Dunbar, a psychologist at the University of Maryland, showed undergraduates a few short videos of two different-sized balls falling. The first clip showed the two balls falling at the same rate. The second clip showed the larger ball falling at a faster rate.

..

While the students were watching the footage, Dunbar asked them to select the more accurate representation of gravity. Not surprisingly, undergraduates without a physics background disagreed with Galileo. They found the two balls falling at the same rate to be deeply unrealistic. (Intuitively, we’re all Aristotelians.)

This data isn’t shocking; we already know that most undergrads lack a basic understanding of science. But Dunbar also conducted the experiment with physics majors. As expected, their education enabled them to identify the error; they knew Galileo’s version was correct.

But it turned out that something interesting was happening inside their brains that allowed them to hold this belief. When they saw the scientifically correct video, blood flow increased to a part of the brain called the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, or D.L.P.F.C. The D.L.P.F.C. is located just behind the forehead and is one of the last brain areas to develop in young adults. It plays a crucial role in suppressing so-called unwanted representations, getting rid of those thoughts that aren’t helpful or useful. If you don’t want to think about the ice cream in the freezer, or need to focus on some tedious task, your D.L.P.F.C. is probably hard at work.

Will this get deleted?

edit: no. good.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I read the whole article last night. It left me deeply depressed.

How do we raise humans who *don't* have to struggle against the bullshit just to *think*?

Wile E. Quixote June 8, 2012 at 2:44 am

I'd really like to see someone use this in a campaign commercial showing the pages coming off of the printer with a voice-over saying "It's 2012. Do you really want to vote for a party that sucks this badly at the internet?"

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 3:06 am

"Do you really want to rape your own future and be sure that your descendents will be indentured serfs to corporations owned by the rich? Do you really want to ensure America will be the playground bully of the world? Do you really want to give up any chance for your children in order to live vicariously through television?"

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 3:14 am

And they will answer, resoundingly, "YES!"

And we will weep into our booze and increase our consumption of psychoactive meds.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 5:37 am

Today is Science Friday, because I'm tired of listening to these aggressively ignorant jackasses. How about you?

Enteroctopus dofleini

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:36 pm

You showed up SO LATE! I done gone and fell asleep. And missed the party, as usual.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Sorry. 'S my schedule, is what it is.

Huevos Ocupados June 8, 2012 at 6:03 am

I hear that they are busy as beavers scanning all those printouts so that they can put them on the interweb…

DahBoner June 8, 2012 at 6:23 am

Healthcare? What healthcare?

Stupid teabaggers, kill those trees….

DeathOfIrony June 8, 2012 at 8:02 am

Phil McKrackin has signed, can't see it print tho…fail

Nopantsmcgee June 8, 2012 at 9:14 am

I always miss the real fun.

lochnessmonster June 8, 2012 at 9:15 am

Hahaha…

eggsacklywright June 8, 2012 at 9:19 am

More cuttlefish for the budgie!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 8, 2012 at 9:50 am

8========D

I didn't get a chance to AsciiPenis. :(

crybabyboehner June 8, 2012 at 11:23 am

That was scarier than a four-hour erection.

Shypixel June 8, 2012 at 11:34 am

Fuck you. Why are these things always done by the time I find them? I had so many really pedantic ideas…

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 5:53 am
Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 7:24 am

Nobody expects the Pfeffer's Flamboyant Cuttlefish!

How about a little Vampyroteuthis infernalis ?

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 7:39 am

So bizarre and cool. It does bear a striking resemblance to
Jamie Dimon , no?

Here's a Cuttlefish version of Laser Floyd.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 8, 2012 at 8:11 am

Here's an octopus version of "Fuck You Pal, Just Try It" by Hapalochlaena lunulata

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 8:28 am

Yeah! Those blue rings are nothing to Fuck with, they carry one of the most potent neurotoxins in the world and most people who are bitten will die. Bonus: you get to be perfectly aware, but totally paralyzed and unable to speak while everyone on the beach is standing around saying you're a total goner. They know this from the very few people who've survived.

The marine environment is a Dangerous place and it's not any easier when young eight-legged toughs lurk around Mugging innocent divers.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 9:50 am

Nice usage of Quantum Entanglement to change out the votes, Steve-o! I know those Q-Drives aren't cheap to power by any means, but your reimbursement check from Soros is on its way.

Off to collect my Unemployment check, buy drugs and alcohol and register 1000 Illegal Aliens as Democratic voters!

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 10:00 am

Thanks, that one's my favorite too.

I really think we need to run with the Weedlord Bonerhitler meme. We can have a lot of fun with it.

Steverino247 June 8, 2012 at 10:03 am

Sounds like you'll have a better day than I will. I just show illegal aliens telescopic views of the annular eclipse. No really, i did that. At least I think he was illegal. Wore the little migrant worker cowboy hat and had just gotten off the farm bus, etc.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 10:10 am

Eh, not really – I'm just trying to bias the Freeper's Google Searches to help them with their paranoid Petulant Frenzy. Like they need any help with their paranoid Petulant Frenzies.

Good for you being nice with the sky show! My favorite sign from the Hispanic nationwide march a few years ago:

NO MEXICANS, NO TACOS
THINK ABOUT IT

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 12:31 pm

You have a wicked imagination. Now leave my Sudetenland alone.

Steverino247 June 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Yeah, Mexicans I like. It's that shit from Iowa (HFCS) we can do without.

C_R_Eature June 8, 2012 at 1:01 pm

A while ago, during the End Of The World Liveblog, someone here used the term Fructose-Baptists to describe their local pallid, enormous Wal-Mart denizens. I forget who it was but it was Awesome.

MittBorg June 8, 2012 at 1:04 pm

ntR — if breasts had claws, given our boob-grabbing proclivities, most men would be staggering around bleeding most of the time. And quite a few women also.

I found you could drag the dogs over and pile them on top of each other. They never seemed to mind too much, although periodically they would complain. I suppose they're much like us in that respect. Put up with all kinds of stuff, whine a little.

Cats do NOT care to be dragged. AT ALL. I have several deep wounds now. And I just had the little fuckers' claws clipped, not too long ago.

Turns out Gary Peed won. We dodged a big fat ugly venomous bullet, there. I will sleep tonight.

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