Everyone Must Spam GOP’s Anti-Healthcare Reform Livestream Thing Immediately

  homework assignment!

The National Republican Congressional Committee has helpfully parked a camera right above a printer in its office that it has dedicated to churning out constant filth for your amusement. Here is the tumblr where you can go fill out your very own “online petition to repeal the health care law” or whatever and watch your submission be printed out in the NRCC office. Hurry before they have to chop down all the trees on Earth to keep the paper tray filled!

Here, it took us exactly twenty seconds to assemble this collection for you:

Some poor intern is sitting next to the machine swiping out the really good ones as they print, so don’t blink!

UPDATE: The NRCC gave up, fun is cancelled. The Internet, however, agrees that this petition is the winner of the Internet, today:

[iwantrepeal tumblr]

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Hola wonkerados.

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193 comments

  1. sparecake

    This was funny for about 3 seconds until I noticed that the name on the top paper under the stapler is my aunt's name…

      1. Mittens Howell, III

        I'm sorry Aunt Orly has been such a disappointment to you and your family.

  2. Arken

    Must be out of paper. I've been waiting and waiting, but they won't print my petition even though I signed it with my real name, Tex DaRich.

  3. chascates

    NOTE: site places a cookie so you can't just refresh and do it again. Name and twitter handle are the fields to make your statement.

    TruckNutz for the Masses.

    ALSO.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      How about the fact that they will then take the print outs, bundle them together/box them up, trundle them over to the House floor and use the sheer size to claim their wasteful methodology proves just how popular repeal is? Without ever bothering to do any actual analysis as to how many are from AFP linked networks where the IT guys just scrub the cookies and re-spam over and over.

  4. LionHeartSoyDog

    i don't know.
    i signed my name: Real Bhoners Don't Cry.
    And it didn't show up.
    Did i do it right?

  5. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Have they turned it off already? Uninsured Deadonthestreet didn't get to sign the petition.

  6. littlebigdaddy

    I think their webcam is off-line. I didn't get to see Heywood Jablome's petition. What a bunch of noobs!

    1. undeadgoat

      Darth Vader missed out as well . . . This reminds me of the time I had trouble placing a fax at work (I KNOW) because some Redditors had got ahold of the number and were spamming the shit out of it.

  7. Dr. Nick Riviera

    This is sure to help the deficit! Someone needs to check which GOP members own stock in paper companies

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Someone needs to check which paper companies own GOP members.

      fify

      (The answer, of course, is Georgia Pacific.)

      1. Opportunisticly_Joe

        Scott Paper is apparently a fairly ethical company for one's paper needs (well, at least as ethical as owner P&G nowadays, but P&G had a feud with Amway and there was a stupid moral panic over their logo, so they're cool in my book).

        I'm totally not just saying that because they gave my school a bunch of trees, btw.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Judging from some of the things I've seen out here, the Internet is
      a Series of Pubes.

  8. Ryy

    Shoot, Uppity Negro didn't get to see his print.

    Instead just something about Wiscunsun.

    1. Ryy

      It says "I can see Nov from WI"…. so is the NRCC saying that in Nov the incumbent will be re-elected? Weird….

      1. Negropolis

        I love how they think surviving a special recall (and by not nearly the margin they seem to be portraying it as) equates to a win in November. Wisconsin (and many other upper Midwestern states) haven't went red since Daddy Bush…and that's not about to change.

    2. ibwilliamsi

      I think it's "Uppity Nigra". That's how they say it in polite society here in NC. The REALLY upper crust say "Certain Segments of Society".

  9. Sheesko

    I have a better idea. Give Barry some moolah for reals and then write to your damn senator or whatevs and tell them why you want and need the health care law to go into effect, just like Mittens did in Massachoositz.

  10. MissTaken

    Does the intern pulling the paper off the printer get healthcare? Would hate for him/her to get a paper cut that gets infected and be unable to see a doctor when healthcare reform is repealed.

  11. TribecaMike

    Lower the medical requirements for Dilaudid, and the drug store cowboy righties will be sure to follow.

  12. charliearglist

    I tried "Biggus Dickus" but didn't see it print. Now Biggus Dickus is saddus.

    1. pinkocommi

      You know what the RNC will do with those petitions? They'll thwow them to the floow.

  13. ttommyunger

    So, whoever thought this up got what, a free hand-job from Rich Penis or whatever his name is?

  14. aklibtard

    I went for accuracy more than snark and just put down Racist Teabagger. I didn't see anything printing though.

  15. Tommmcattt

    Jasmine Tease
    Will Utossmesalad
    Gunter Toejamowitz
    Anale Varts
    Hank Poogassin
    Bo Kakke
    Ig Noramus
    Sarah Palin

    …the list grows daily.

    1. flamingpdog

      I listened to his show last night for about 20 minute before he went to commercial break. Said he would be back right after the break, but after the break and 10 minutes of dead air, I took off. Guess his mom finally made him go to bed.
      EDIT: And you misspelled his name – it's Gaidum Cawlgirl.

  16. CountryClubJihadi

    Cole Itis demands a repeal, but all I really want to be is Mrs. Jim Newell.

  17. Mittens Howell, III

    Prince Reebus is rubbing out the spam entries. So technically, the RNC Chairman is rubbing one out every 2 seconds.

    #stamina

  18. BarackMyWorld

    Harry P. Ness wants to know why they're addressing these to "Speaker" Pelosi. She's not Speaker of the House anymore and that's not a title you get to keep for the rest of your life.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      "Harry" seems to be popular for naughty names.
      My best friend went to school with a "Sharon Peters."
      Her father's name? "Harry Peters."
      I shit you not.

  19. BaldarTFlagass

    "UPDATE: The NRCC gave up, fun is cancelled."

    Goddam, how many times are they going to do stupid internet shit? These people just don't have any fucking imagination at all. Can't they see beforehand what's going to happen? If only we could do this with their legislation.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      H.R.3521
      Latest Title: Expedited Legislative Line-Item Veto and Rescissions Act of 2012
      Sponsor: Rep Ryan, Paul [WI-1] (introduced 11/30/2011) Cosponsors (37)
      Related Bills: H.RES.540, S.2086
      Latest Major Action: 2/9/2012 Referred to Senate committee. Status: Received in the Senate and Read twice and referred to the Committee on the Budget.
      House Reports: 112-364 Part 1, 112-364 Part 2 COSPONSORS(37), ALPHABETICAL [followed by Cosponsors withdrawn]: (Sort: by date)

      Dave Hitler (WI-5)
      Baby Rapist (MO-2)
      Saxby "Stalin" Chambliss (NC-3)
      Chris Christie (Sandwiches)
      Bristol Palin's Uterus (AK-47)

        1. bagofmice

          Well the last time I let someone saxby my chambliss, let's just say there was a hoover steam cleaning unit involved the next day.

  20. SorosBot

    How was the NRCC so stupid they didn't realize how people would use these before putting it up?

  21. Antispandex

    These things never last long enough to allow for the real funny to be brought. I had this nice one where I wanted to use a Bristol Palin reference that I would never get past our editrix.

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Well, Heywood Jablome and Nascar Owner have signed. Still, their vaulted technology won't show the print outs. Stupid Idiots. Hey, wait, Stew P. Idiot Should sign.

  23. rickmaci

    "Lyon F.N. Repcon" didn't print. We are sad the Reptards don't want to play with us anymore.

  24. TribecaMike

    "PissDude Malone" is bar none the best thing Tom Selleck's ever done, barring nuns in bars.

  25. Steverino247

    OT, but good news: With 108,000 absentee/provisional ballots yet to be counted:

    SUPERIOR COURT – Office No. 34

    Precincts: 1643
    Counted: 1643
    Percentage: 100.0%

    GARLAND PEED 157796 50.02%

    GARY GEORGE KREEP 157642 49.98%

      1. not that Radio

        My sister has a friend who is always saying "cross your tits!" Is this known to bring good luck?

        1. MittBorg

          I have no idea, but attempting to cross the cats certainly resulted in some *extremely* cross cats. They're just not as tolerant as dogs, are they? Let's hope the scratches stop bleeding soon, and everyone calms down and goes back to sharing the bed.

          1. not that Radio

            Well, at least most breasts do not have claws. And I have never attempted to cross dogs. They seem too rigid, physically, although they are rather pliable, psychologically. Like the American Psyche, dogs are easy to manipulate. Breasts, too.

          2. MittBorg

            ntR — if breasts had claws, given our boob-grabbing proclivities, most men would be staggering around bleeding most of the time. And quite a few women also.

            I found you could drag the dogs over and pile them on top of each other. They never seemed to mind too much, although periodically they would complain. I suppose they're much like us in that respect. Put up with all kinds of stuff, whine a little.

            Cats do NOT care to be dragged. AT ALL. I have several deep wounds now. And I just had the little fuckers' claws clipped, not too long ago.

            Turns out Gary Peed won. We dodged a big fat ugly venomous bullet, there. I will sleep tonight.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      DAMN that's close. Amazing that some insane birther fuckball could even get near winning. Have my cats crossed also.

      1. Steverino247

        Lots better than being behind by 56 which is where he was before today's tally. Peed's people were optimistic about the absentees as they knew they were ahead there and those folks tend to be more deliberate in their voting (as they're not standing in front of a cardboard podium) and might actually think about what they're doing. It's close, but I think Peed is going to pull it off. This will cause more hilarity as the birthers don't understand how this process works, so they will blame Obama's minions or some such bullshit.

        So, let's get this out of the way right now: I fucking did it! Hahahaha!

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          So, let's get this out of the way right now: I fucking did it! Hahahaha!

          Say … what????

          If you're actually the chap winning then it'll be one of the most awesome moments in the history of wonkette.

          1. Steverino247

            No, no, no! I'm taking credit (where none is due) so the lame "Obama's minions interfering with the machines" meme is stillborn. Nay, dare I say "aborted?"

          2. C_R_Eature

            Nice usage of Quantum Entanglement to change out the votes, Steve-o! I know those Q-Drives aren't cheap to power by any means, but your reimbursement check from Soros is on its way.

            Off to collect my Unemployment check, buy drugs and alcohol and register 1000 Illegal Aliens as Democratic voters!

          3. Steverino247

            Sounds like you'll have a better day than I will. I just show illegal aliens telescopic views of the annular eclipse. No really, i did that. At least I think he was illegal. Wore the little migrant worker cowboy hat and had just gotten off the farm bus, etc.

          4. C_R_Eature

            Eh, not really – I'm just trying to bias the Freeper's Google Searches to help them with their paranoid Petulant Frenzy. Like they need any help with their paranoid Petulant Frenzies.

            Good for you being nice with the sky show! My favorite sign from the Hispanic nationwide march a few years ago:

            NO MEXICANS, NO TACOS
            THINK ABOUT IT

          5. C_R_Eature

            A while ago, during the End Of The World Liveblog, someone here used the term Fructose-Baptists to describe their local pallid, enormous Wal-Mart denizens. I forget who it was but it was Awesome.

  26. Negropolis

    What can I add to this? Don't let this be the last post of the night. :(

    BTW, they got Wisconsin, but how quickly they forget what happened in Ohio and Mississippi. When this type of crazy shit is put on a state-wide ballot, it loses. It's why I'm glad Dem forces in Michigan are going with a ballot initiative put collective bargaining into the state constitution instead of putting their money behind the hopeless gubernatorial recall (which ended, today, because of what happened in WI).

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Yeah, it's a bit of a letdown when the last thread of the day is a damp squib. I'm hoping the ginger ninja pops up with an update on his hijinks today.

      News from WI was "voters elect same douchebag that they already elected once against the same candidate", as far as I could tell. Saddening that the GOP voters are so goddamn shortsighted that they'll support some asshole who'll apply long-term rights removal to a short-term problem, but they're GOP voters so you can't expect much.

      1. Negropolis

        BTW, can't WI Dems put up a petition to overturn Walker's banning of collective bargaining rights for public employees? If I were them, I would not be stopping, now. In fact, this is what they should have done in the first place. I'm trying to figure out if the laws are different from Michigan's on this.

        In fact, here in Michigan, the legislator who was going to put forth turning us into a right-to-work-for-less state conceded that he wasn't going to put forth the legislation, because he has to put out the fire that is the ballot initiative. I think this is a smart way of making them work for their draconian bullshit.

  27. Pop_Socket

    From the brain trust that brought you Amercia Is With Mitt. They just don't get this internetz stuff.

    But at least Anita MandaFyre got to sign the petition.

  28. randcoolcatdaddy

    I'm honestly surprised that the printer wasn't an inkjet spouting out the pages in Comic Sans.

  29. littlebigdaddy

    It's funny how the internetz aren't what the wingnuts think they are, but then neither is anything else.

    1. MittBorg

      You have to remember that where we see a beatiful photo of a cute kid, they see a potential sexual object. Barf! Do they even realize what they say about themselves all the time?

      1. Fare la Volpe

        When I was in high school my English class had a unit on Huckleberry Finn, and after scanning over a passage that mentioned that Huck (the fourteen year old boy) and Jim (the grown slave) traveled everywhere together naked, my English teacher looked out over the shocked faces of my classmates and said, "Look, if you see something sexual going on there, it's because you want to see something sexual going on there. Let's move on, please."

  30. steamynachos

    Something about a person videotaping a show on their television screen and posting it to Youtube comes to mind.

  31. SayItWithWookies

    Diefaster Sickperson will not let the tyranny of Obamacare destroy America, that's for sure.

  32. Buckminster

    I am so sick of this crap that I think I am going to wait until at least September to pick up the hot potato again. See ya.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Quite honestly, it makes you want to puke. Why anyone could possibly vote Republican in 2012 I've no idea.

      Because they're stupid, hate-filled fucks or greedy, hate-filled fucks. Oh wait, that was a rhetorical question? Damnit! Why do I keep falling for that rhetorical question trick?

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Oh yeah. That.

        Just read "Deer Hunting with Jesus" – a book about rednecks – and that opened my eyes as to quite how ill-educated most people are in America, and how it leads to voting Republican. Mostly manipulation of the stupid by the rich. Surprise.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        A mellow aristocrat who terrorizes Poland with his enormous schlong. I could imagine you playing that part.

          1. Negropolis

            "You got your Germany in my Sudetenland!"

            "No, you got your Sudetenland in my Germany!"

      2. bagofmice

        Weedlord is being used as a title. You would be the alliterative honorable Weedlord MittBorg.

    1. C_R_Eature

      Weedlord Bonerhitler would be one helluva band name. I think you need to go for it.

      Of course, to be fully equipped you'll need a set of These.

        1. C_R_Eature

          Outstanding! you need that Big Muff!

          I can't wait for the Stoned N' Boned 2012! tour. Featuring such hits as:

          Oberstonedboneführer,
          Ein Reich, Ein Toke, Ein Boner,
          Battle of the Bulge,
          I Put the Shaft in Volksgemeinschaft

          1. bagofmice

            The second title is f-ing amazing. I've been laughing for a minute and yes, it's juvenile.But funny.

          2. C_R_Eature

            Thanks, that one's my favorite too.

            I really think we need to run with the Weedlord Bonerhitler meme. We can have a lot of fun with it.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        In a 2003 study, Kevin Dunbar, a psychologist at the University of Maryland, showed undergraduates a few short videos of two different-sized balls falling. The first clip showed the two balls falling at the same rate. The second clip showed the larger ball falling at a faster rate.

        ..

        While the students were watching the footage, Dunbar asked them to select the more accurate representation of gravity. Not surprisingly, undergraduates without a physics background disagreed with Galileo. They found the two balls falling at the same rate to be deeply unrealistic. (Intuitively, we’re all Aristotelians.)

        This data isn’t shocking; we already know that most undergrads lack a basic understanding of science. But Dunbar also conducted the experiment with physics majors. As expected, their education enabled them to identify the error; they knew Galileo’s version was correct.

        But it turned out that something interesting was happening inside their brains that allowed them to hold this belief. When they saw the scientifically correct video, blood flow increased to a part of the brain called the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, or D.L.P.F.C. The D.L.P.F.C. is located just behind the forehead and is one of the last brain areas to develop in young adults. It plays a crucial role in suppressing so-called unwanted representations, getting rid of those thoughts that aren’t helpful or useful. If you don’t want to think about the ice cream in the freezer, or need to focus on some tedious task, your D.L.P.F.C. is probably hard at work.

        Will this get deleted?

        edit: no. good.

        1. MittBorg

          I read the whole article last night. It left me deeply depressed.

          How do we raise humans who *don't* have to struggle against the bullshit just to *think*?

  33. Wile E. Quixote

    I'd really like to see someone use this in a campaign commercial showing the pages coming off of the printer with a voice-over saying "It's 2012. Do you really want to vote for a party that sucks this badly at the internet?"

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      "Do you really want to rape your own future and be sure that your descendents will be indentured serfs to corporations owned by the rich? Do you really want to ensure America will be the playground bully of the world? Do you really want to give up any chance for your children in order to live vicariously through television?"

      1. MittBorg

        And they will answer, resoundingly, "YES!"

        And we will weep into our booze and increase our consumption of psychoactive meds.

  34. Huevos Ocupados

    I hear that they are busy as beavers scanning all those printouts so that they can put them on the interweb…

  35. Shypixel

    Fuck you. Why are these things always done by the time I find them? I had so many really pedantic ideas…

  36. C_R_Eature

    Yeah! Those blue rings are nothing to Fuck with, they carry one of the most potent neurotoxins in the world and most people who are bitten will die. Bonus: you get to be perfectly aware, but totally paralyzed and unable to speak while everyone on the beach is standing around saying you're a total goner. They know this from the very few people who've survived.

    The marine environment is a Dangerous place and it's not any easier when young eight-legged toughs lurk around Mugging innocent divers.

Comments are closed.