WONKETTE HAS LEFT ITS COUCH  1:21 pm June 7, 2012

Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such

by Jim Newell

Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving.

So who is here? All the Internet liberal people. We saw BlogAds’ Henry Copeland, who is actually the secret over-overlord ruler of Wonkette. (You must kneel before him.) Adam Weinstein of Mother Jones is triplefisting beer with no pants on, it’s really embarrassing. And lookywho, it’s former Wonkette waterboarding editor and President of Raw Story, Megan Carpentier, along with Chris Goff of the Evil Teachers’ Unions.

We’ll post more dumb pictures and stuff later. Are any of you dips in Providence either for this conference or — god forbid — to live here? Let us know at jim@wonkette.com and we can drink together at Roger Williams’ grave.

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 100 comments }

nounverb911 June 7, 2012 at 1:25 pm

Are the Talking Heads still based in Providence?

jjdaddyo June 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

So this is how the Librul blog sausage is made, huh?

ChernobylSoup June 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

No, their house burned down.

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Now, it's nothing but flowers.

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm

They've lived in brownstones, they've lived in ghettos, they've lived all over that town

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

They've got to find themselves, find themselves a city to live in.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Sadly, they are on a road to nowhere.

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Nothing there, no information left of any kind.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 1:26 pm

Does Salon know you're moonlighting over here?

Maman June 7, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Will you be toasting Roger Williams with coffee milk?

Terry June 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

A coffee cabinet, perhaps

SayItWithWookies June 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Jim if you get tired of the vegetarian fare, James O'Keefe should be wandering around trying to get liberals to eat a fetusburger. Tell him you'll only have one if it's a girl.

weejee June 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Box lunch?

sewollef June 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Bento box lunch — if you like Asian.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

You got sumting against Asian? Huh? Huh?

noodlesalad June 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Do they still come with that stem cell mustard? That's what really makes the burger.

noodlesalad June 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Don't forget to sign up for the Breitbart ouija board session during tomorrow afternoon's breakout!

taylormattd June 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

She's just trying to become famous on the HuffPost sideboob blog.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

You should ask them to make the nametags even bigger for next year. Like maybe the size of a paper plate?

BornInATrailer June 7, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Yeah! But with even smaller print!

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 7, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I was going to say! We can go to the moon but we can't make name tags that don't look like a kindergarten class slapped them together the night before?

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hey, they give you marker and make you write it yourself, what do you expect?

anniegetyerfun June 7, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Well, I at least expected Jim to call himself something else. Like Dick Buttsechs or something.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 2:06 pm

True. MOAR creativity! We DEMANDS eet!

qwerty42 June 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

The nametags are on a lanyard. So they hang down the front of your shirt. Conference organizers usually try to use large type so the guys are not staring at women's chests trying to read the name. Somewhat awkward at professional meetings. I had some experience with these sorts of things in a previous life.

BelleSC June 8, 2012 at 9:18 am

So now with the name tags on lanyards hanging down closer to the belt we get to check out the guy's package before accepting the drink offer?

Baconzgood June 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I found Providence to be a really kick ass town every time I've been there.

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 10:01 pm

It's a great little town! They call it "the New Orleans of the North". Plus, lots of great rentboys, I'm told.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Yeah, but aren't you from Pittsburgh?

Baconzgood June 7, 2012 at 1:39 pm

If you talk smack on the Steelers I'll reach through my monitor and bitch slap you.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Hey, I ain't talking shit about anyone's sports team this week, after watching the monumental collapse of my Spurs over the last few days.

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Tim Duncan will spend this weekend hand-writing apology notes to every single member of the Spurs and the training staff.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 4:36 pm

And all of us fans. What a debacle.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Oooo. Fight.

ifthethunderdontgetya June 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Wow. Newell is EVERYWHERE!

And by that, I mean ubiquitous.
~

OneDollarJuana June 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Or do you mean omnipresent?

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He's God. He's everywhere. He's omnivorous.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

God is a ginger?

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

God is all hair colors, complexions, and body types simultaneously.

Estproph June 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm

While you're there, have a 'Gansett!

Spurning Beer June 7, 2012 at 6:56 pm

My daughter tells me that "Gansett is the new hipster beer, replacing PBR.

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Blech.

Estproph June 8, 2012 at 9:23 am

It is much better than PBR, and it's local. I can't speak to the hipsters, though.

iburl June 7, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Saloon has two O's.

102415 June 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Please don't take the blue *acid* or eat anyone's face unless you know they are okay.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm

I'm tellin' ya, those recent zombie attacks have laid a WHOLE new dimension of meaning upon "I'm'a eat my girl/boy friend."

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 10:03 pm

It's some freaky shit, alright. I've been out of the loop for a while, but even at my worst, I would not have done that bath salts shit.

SorosBot June 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Whose idea was it to hold the conference in a city fully owned by the mafia?

Goonemeritus June 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Not that I envy the conservative bloggers much but even I admit strippers sound better than veggie wraps and rape guilt documentaries.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:56 pm

This from a man who admits to reading Noam Chomsky aloud to the wife right before crying himself to sleep. You're going on my list of self-hating liberals, Goonemeritus.

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm

"reading Noam Chomsky aloud to the wife right before crying himself to sleep. "

FTW, Z.

Oh, and how is your wing?

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Much better, thanks for asking! Tomorrow I shall be out on the hill trying to kill it again.

ProgressiveInga June 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Comic-Con for cheetos-eating mema's-basement-dwelling losers.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Uh… as opposed to Comic-Con?

Schmannnity June 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Ms. Megan Carpentier: Please, no side boob pics.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Make that "all attendees" and I'm in.

Not_So_Much June 7, 2012 at 1:38 pm

Everybody there is embracing the Open Carry laws, right?

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Depends; you are talking about beer/booze, right?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I assume, with all these Communist in one place, that "Salon" is simply the Cyrillic spelling of "Guardian".

Poindexter718 June 7, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Steal Josh Marshall's glasses!

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Are you the guys that stole Ana Marie Cox's glasses from here?

Poindexter718 June 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

In the new logo? I think she takes them off at discipline time.

Mumbletypeg June 7, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Megan Carpentier, along with Chris Goff

I'm not sure where they're originally from and all, but their smiling faces seem to radiate "It's a great day to be in Rhode Island!"

Nikki Haley would approve; maybe would suggest Megan show more teeth~

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Or, it could be that their smiling faces are radiating "Oooh, these shrooms are really kicking in!"

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Next thing you know, Romney will come walking up, and tell them to stop doing drugs.

freakishlywrong June 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

This is EXACTLY like what the RNC convention will be in Tampa later this year. Informed, tolerant, funny, unself aware. Yep. Just like it.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Hey, wait. Did you steal Pareene's registration kit when it showed up in the mail there at Salon?

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 1:47 pm

I like Newport. You should go over there and try to score with the chicks at Salve Regina. But you probably don't have a rental car. Maybe you can score with some of that Brown squank, though I guess class is out right now.

DerrickWildcat June 7, 2012 at 1:49 pm

It sounds like a delightful party.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Wait till they get served veggie wraps AGAIN for dinner. All hell will break loose THEN.

widestanceromance June 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm

All food served must be high in fiber so everyone can enjoy smelling–and tweeting about–each other's farts as an evening activity.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Let's be honest, hon. As farts go, the most odoriferous ones are those associated with a LOW-fiber diet. It'll be like dining with moo-cows. They'll fart a lot, but it won't be memorable.

Over at GhostAndrewBreitbartHQ, however, the fart smellers must be in seven kinds of heaven — or hell.

freakishlywrong June 7, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I fully expect this to get the slavering media attention that the wingtar.uh…special needs.. fever swamp comic con will receive when Babble Spice is the keynote speaker.

Mumbletypeg June 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

If I have not heard the "Babble Spice" iteration before, I'm sure glad I did now~

Terry June 7, 2012 at 1:56 pm

"We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch"

Walk over to Federal Hill and those wonderful Italian restaurants. A nice meal of veal will counteract any vegan stuff you've been served.

Spurning Beer June 7, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I used to live on Federal Hill, across the street from Patriarca's vending machine business. It was known as an extremely safe neighborhood.

whatupirondog June 7, 2012 at 2:07 pm

OOOH! You met Stevie from "Eastbound and Down"? What's he like???

chascates June 7, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Jim, you should have registered as James O'Keefe to prove how big blog ID fraud is.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Wouldn't he have to show his long form birth certificate?

Geminisunmars June 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I don't know. A name tag with the name James O'Keefe on it could cause a convention of tree huggers to turn violent.

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Netroots Nation is like CPAC with slightly fewer dirty diapers.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 3:53 pm

And less of a Nuremberg feel.

niblick77 June 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm

"We’ll post more dumb pictures and stuff later." – Reader note, "the pictures are NOT dumb, it is the people that are in them that are……!"

Antispandex June 7, 2012 at 2:16 pm

" We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving. "

Woo Hoo! Teh Librals sure know how to party!

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

A few of my liberal drinking buddies tried to coax me into attending and/or shanghai me to run their booth for them, but as fun as it sounded, it was crazy short notice and I have an actual real job, for which I have to actually show up to work and wear pants, even.

This is also why I never update my own blog, incidentally. Well, that and video games.

DahBoner June 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

we watched a movie about rape

God, I hate summer movies…

qwerty42 June 7, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Say "hi" to Megan for the old-timers. And, yes, I remember the waterboarding.

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I find that picture strangely disturbing; yet I am unwillingly becoming aroused….

Spurning Beer June 7, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Shut up, Jim Newell. Rhode Island is awesome. You should go to the Waterfire thingie along the river Saturday. A couple of my college pals developed it.

Tommmcattt June 7, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Did you at least get drunk for free, Newell? After all this time, have we taught you nothing?

Isner_Mahut June 8, 2012 at 11:10 am

Here listening to some very earnest people talk about how Wisconsin was not a total shitshow. It's kind of therapeutic. Only slightly hung over. Bars close early here?

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Beaten by 2 Urkels and a guy with a King Nebuchadnezzar beard!! And 63-year-old Derek Fisher!

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Well, since 1999 the only three Western Conf teams to go to the finals have been the Mavs, the Lakers, and the Spurs. OKC took out all three in the playoffs this year. Methinks we have seen a changing of the guard.

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I'd love to see OKC reduce the Heat to tears again, but the Celtics will probably take care of that.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 5:32 pm

But surely not a ginger. I'm pretty sure science has proven that gingers don't even have souls.

deanbooth June 7, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me asked this weekend what was one of Up With People's early songs. The answer: "God Doesn't Have a Skin Color."

George Skullfry June 8, 2012 at 12:06 am

Omnichromatic.

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

They should be burned as witches.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Being originally a Masshole, I don't know what I would have done had the Celtics and the Spurs met up in the Finals. I sure hope the Celts can take out the Heat. Tonight would be good.

not that Radio June 8, 2012 at 2:15 am

In other words, white? The Teabangelicals were right! ZOMG

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