wonkette has left its couch

Your Wonkette Is At The Big Liberal Blog Conference, Taking Pictures And Such

Ugh, they spelled the name of this blog wrong again! It’s spelled “Guardian.” Anyway, your Wonkette is here at the 2012 Netroots Nation conference in little-who-cares-whatever state Rhode Island, to watch liberals “pop off” about the issues of the day. We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving.

So who is here? All the Internet liberal people. We saw BlogAds’ Henry Copeland, who is actually the secret over-overlord ruler of Wonkette. (You must kneel before him.) Adam Weinstein of Mother Jones is triplefisting beer with no pants on, it’s really embarrassing. And lookywho, it’s former Wonkette waterboarding editor and President of Raw Story, Megan Carpentier, along with Chris Goff of the Evil Teachers’ Unions.

We’ll post more dumb pictures and stuff later. Are any of you dips in Providence either for this conference or — god forbid — to live here? Let us know at jim@wonkette.com and we can drink together at Roger Williams’ grave.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Are the Talking Heads still based in Providence?

    • jjdaddyo

      So this is how the Librul blog sausage is made, huh?

    • ChernobylSoup

      No, their house burned down.

      • not that Radio

        Now, it's nothing but flowers.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They've lived in brownstones, they've lived in ghettos, they've lived all over that town

      • not that Radio

        They've got to find themselves, find themselves a city to live in.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Sadly, they are on a road to nowhere.

          • not that Radio

            Nothing there, no information left of any kind.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Does Salon know you're moonlighting over here?

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Will you be toasting Roger Williams with coffee milk?

    • Terry

      A coffee cabinet, perhaps

  • SayItWithWookies

    Jim if you get tired of the vegetarian fare, James O'Keefe should be wandering around trying to get liberals to eat a fetusburger. Tell him you'll only have one if it's a girl.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Box lunch?

      • sewollef

        Bento box lunch — if you like Asian.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          You got sumting against Asian? Huh? Huh?

    • noodlesalad

      Do they still come with that stem cell mustard? That's what really makes the burger.

  • noodlesalad

    Don't forget to sign up for the Breitbart ouija board session during tomorrow afternoon's breakout!

  • taylormattd

    She's just trying to become famous on the HuffPost sideboob blog.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You should ask them to make the nametags even bigger for next year. Like maybe the size of a paper plate?

    • BornInATrailer

      Yeah! But with even smaller print!

    • http://whatthefuckhasgopdonesofar.com/ Ayn Rand Paul Tard

      I was going to say! We can go to the moon but we can't make name tags that don't look like a kindergarten class slapped them together the night before?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        Hey, they give you marker and make you write it yourself, what do you expect?

        • anniegetyerfun

          Well, I at least expected Jim to call himself something else. Like Dick Buttsechs or something.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            True. MOAR creativity! We DEMANDS eet!

    • qwerty42

      The nametags are on a lanyard. So they hang down the front of your shirt. Conference organizers usually try to use large type so the guys are not staring at women's chests trying to read the name. Somewhat awkward at professional meetings. I had some experience with these sorts of things in a previous life.

      • http://www.wonkette.com BelleSC

        So now with the name tags on lanyards hanging down closer to the belt we get to check out the guy's package before accepting the drink offer?

  • Baconzgood

    I found Providence to be a really kick ass town every time I've been there.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      It's a great little town! They call it "the New Orleans of the North". Plus, lots of great rentboys, I'm told.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Yeah, but aren't you from Pittsburgh?

    • Baconzgood

      If you talk smack on the Steelers I'll reach through my monitor and bitch slap you.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Hey, I ain't talking shit about anyone's sports team this week, after watching the monumental collapse of my Spurs over the last few days.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Tim Duncan will spend this weekend hand-writing apology notes to every single member of the Spurs and the training staff.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            And all of us fans. What a debacle.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            Beaten by 2 Urkels and a guy with a King Nebuchadnezzar beard!! And 63-year-old Derek Fisher!

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Well, since 1999 the only three Western Conf teams to go to the finals have been the Mavs, the Lakers, and the Spurs. OKC took out all three in the playoffs this year. Methinks we have seen a changing of the guard.

          • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

            I'd love to see OKC reduce the Heat to tears again, but the Celtics will probably take care of that.

          • BaldarTFlagass

            Being originally a Masshole, I don't know what I would have done had the Celtics and the Spurs met up in the Finals. I sure hope the Celts can take out the Heat. Tonight would be good.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Oooo. Fight.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    Wow. Newell is EVERYWHERE!

    And by that, I mean ubiquitous.
    ~

    • OneDollarJuana

      Or do you mean omnipresent?

      • not that Radio

        He's God. He's everywhere. He's omnivorous.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          God is a ginger?

          • not that Radio

            God is all hair colors, complexions, and body types simultaneously.

          • Lionel[redacted]Esq

            But surely not a ginger. I'm pretty sure science has proven that gingers don't even have souls.

          • not that Radio

            They should be burned as witches.

          • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

            Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me asked this weekend what was one of Up With People's early songs. The answer: "God Doesn't Have a Skin Color."

          • George Skullfry

            Omnichromatic.

          • not that Radio

            In other words, white? The Teabangelicals were right! ZOMG

  • Estproph

    While you're there, have a 'Gansett!

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      My daughter tells me that "Gansett is the new hipster beer, replacing PBR.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Blech.

      • Estproph

        It is much better than PBR, and it's local. I can't speak to the hipsters, though.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Saloon has two O's.

  • 102415

    Please don't take the blue *acid* or eat anyone's face unless you know they are okay.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I'm tellin' ya, those recent zombie attacks have laid a WHOLE new dimension of meaning upon "I'm'a eat my girl/boy friend."

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        It's some freaky shit, alright. I've been out of the loop for a while, but even at my worst, I would not have done that bath salts shit.

  • SorosBot

    Whose idea was it to hold the conference in a city fully owned by the mafia?

  • Goonemeritus

    Not that I envy the conservative bloggers much but even I admit strippers sound better than veggie wraps and rape guilt documentaries.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      This from a man who admits to reading Noam Chomsky aloud to the wife right before crying himself to sleep. You're going on my list of self-hating liberals, Goonemeritus.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        "reading Noam Chomsky aloud to the wife right before crying himself to sleep. "

        FTW, Z.

        Oh, and how is your wing?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Much better, thanks for asking! Tomorrow I shall be out on the hill trying to kill it again.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Comic-Con for cheetos-eating mema's-basement-dwelling losers.

    • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Opportunisticly_Joe

      Uh… as opposed to Comic-Con?

  • Schmannnity

    Ms. Megan Carpentier: Please, no side boob pics.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Make that "all attendees" and I'm in.

  • Not_So_Much

    Everybody there is embracing the Open Carry laws, right?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Depends; you are talking about beer/booze, right?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I assume, with all these Communist in one place, that "Salon" is simply the Cyrillic spelling of "Guardian".

  • Poindexter718

    Steal Josh Marshall's glasses!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Are you the guys that stole Ana Marie Cox's glasses from here?

      • Poindexter718

        In the new logo? I think she takes them off at discipline time.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Megan Carpentier, along with Chris Goff

    I'm not sure where they're originally from and all, but their smiling faces seem to radiate "It's a great day to be in Rhode Island!"

    Nikki Haley would approve; maybe would suggest Megan show more teeth~

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or, it could be that their smiling faces are radiating "Oooh, these shrooms are really kicking in!"

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Next thing you know, Romney will come walking up, and tell them to stop doing drugs.

  • freakishlywrong

    This is EXACTLY like what the RNC convention will be in Tampa later this year. Informed, tolerant, funny, unself aware. Yep. Just like it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Hey, wait. Did you steal Pareene's registration kit when it showed up in the mail there at Salon?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I like Newport. You should go over there and try to score with the chicks at Salve Regina. But you probably don't have a rental car. Maybe you can score with some of that Brown squank, though I guess class is out right now.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    It sounds like a delightful party.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Wait till they get served veggie wraps AGAIN for dinner. All hell will break loose THEN.

      • widestanceromance

        All food served must be high in fiber so everyone can enjoy smelling–and tweeting about–each other's farts as an evening activity.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Let's be honest, hon. As farts go, the most odoriferous ones are those associated with a LOW-fiber diet. It'll be like dining with moo-cows. They'll fart a lot, but it won't be memorable.

          Over at GhostAndrewBreitbartHQ, however, the fart smellers must be in seven kinds of heaven — or hell.

  • freakishlywrong

    I fully expect this to get the slavering media attention that the wingtar.uh…special needs.. fever swamp comic con will receive when Babble Spice is the keynote speaker.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      If I have not heard the "Babble Spice" iteration before, I'm sure glad I did now~

  • Terry

    "We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch"

    Walk over to Federal Hill and those wonderful Italian restaurants. A nice meal of veal will counteract any vegan stuff you've been served.

    • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

      I used to live on Federal Hill, across the street from Patriarca's vending machine business. It was known as an extremely safe neighborhood.

  • whatupirondog

    OOOH! You met Stevie from "Eastbound and Down"? What's he like???

  • chascates

    Jim, you should have registered as James O'Keefe to prove how big blog ID fraud is.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Wouldn't he have to show his long form birth certificate?

    • Geminisunmars

      I don't know. A name tag with the name James O'Keefe on it could cause a convention of tree huggers to turn violent.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Netroots Nation is like CPAC with slightly fewer dirty diapers.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And less of a Nuremberg feel.

  • niblick77

    "We’ll post more dumb pictures and stuff later." – Reader note, "the pictures are NOT dumb, it is the people that are in them that are……!"

  • Antispandex

    " We’ve already had a vegetarian wrap for lunch and watched a movie about rape in the military, at the same time, within half an hour of arriving. "

    Woo Hoo! Teh Librals sure know how to party!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Opportunisticly_Joe

    A few of my liberal drinking buddies tried to coax me into attending and/or shanghai me to run their booth for them, but as fun as it sounded, it was crazy short notice and I have an actual real job, for which I have to actually show up to work and wear pants, even.

    This is also why I never update my own blog, incidentally. Well, that and video games.

  • DahBoner

    we watched a movie about rape

    God, I hate summer movies…

  • qwerty42

    Say "hi" to Megan for the old-timers. And, yes, I remember the waterboarding.

  • ttommyunger

    I find that picture strangely disturbing; yet I am unwillingly becoming aroused….

  • http://zvibleindmeis.tumblr.com/ Spurning Beer

    Shut up, Jim Newell. Rhode Island is awesome. You should go to the Waterfire thingie along the river Saturday. A couple of my college pals developed it.

  • Tommmcattt

    Did you at least get drunk for free, Newell? After all this time, have we taught you nothing?

  • Isner_Mahut

    Here listening to some very earnest people talk about how Wisconsin was not a total shitshow. It's kind of therapeutic. Only slightly hung over. Bars close early here?