A FINE HOBBY  2:40 pm June 7, 2012

Mitt Romney Is Southern California’s One-Man Narc Squad

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Are you listening carefully, young folks?

Country club gossip bulletin the New York Times has finally done the important journalistic work of sending a reporter down to southern California to lurk around the driveway of Mitt Romney’s beachfront La Jolla mansion and quiz the neighbors for dirt on all of his annoying domestic habits. It’s mostly standard suburban neighbor drama queen fare — he parks the family’s fleet of Cadillacs directly in front of everyone’s driveways and he won’t let anyone’s dogs poop on his lawn for free, probably. We skimmed it. That is, until we came across a very delightful anecdote about how Mitt Romney likes to spend his beachfront constitutionals combing for young local marijuana users in need of a sharp talking-to. Because some people seem unaware of the existence of laws prohibiting public cannabis consumption, ahem.

You are commanded to picture Mitt Romney wearing pleated shorts with socks hiked up to his knees and a starched beanie cap on his head as you read this:

The Romneys rarely entertain neighbors, but they have tried to weave themselves into the fabric of local life. Mr. Romney and his wife take regular walks around La Jolla, exchanging pleasantries with fellow strollers and occasionally enforcing the law. A young man in town recalled that Mr. Romney confronted him as he smoked marijuana and drank on the beach last summer, demanding that he stop.

The issue appears to be a recurring nuisance for the Romneys. Mr. Quint, who lives on the waterfront near Mr. Romney, said that a police officer had asked him, on a weekend when the candidate was in town, to report any pot smoking on the beach. The officer explained to him that “your neighbors have complained,” Mr. Quint recalled. “He was pretty clear that it was the Romneys.”

Your Wonkette is now tempted to acquire some of this marijuana and go down to La Jolla to sit on the beach with a joint just to see if Mitt Romney will pop out from behind a rock to deliver a scold. What terrifying fun! [NYT]

 
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{ 153 comments }

Barb June 7, 2012 at 2:41 pm

My father-in-law lives near Mitt on the beach in La Jolla and I know that he has um, glaucoma.

I just looked down at my keys and I have a key to the beach house. Who wants to go?

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

*raising hand*

I'll bring my camera equipment!

We can shoot Mitt too.

OneYieldRegular June 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

This may be the best Wonkette social gathering EVER. I will drive down in a rented Yugo if I have to.

Callyson June 7, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Rushing to pack a swimsuit and flip flops before hustling to get to the fuck – oh – fuck (known to LA locals as the 405)…

Fairtackle June 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

I say we hold him down and blow smoke in his ear.

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Sheamus' Revenge

Oh, stop judging! Who among us hasn't shot-gunned a dog once in his or her life?

James Michael Curley June 7, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Don't bother with cats. They just blink, look at you and then ask when you're going to clean their litter box.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:23 pm

One of my late kitties used to love pot smoke, until he got too close to the person smoking and singed a whisker.

ibwilliamsi June 7, 2012 at 4:04 pm

Does he have an earache?

Limeylizzie June 7, 2012 at 3:35 pm

My brother and sister-in-law live in La Jolla, we can have a compound!

Barb June 7, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Jeff and I planned our wedding in La Jolla, at The Cove. Then we decided that we wanted to elope instead, pissing off many people.

fartknocker June 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I'll be the kitchen bitch and make you stoners some really tasty munchies! I'll stop at Ralph's on Garnett on my way over to the crib.

Steverino247 June 7, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Only if he has access to Black's Beach, too. I'll pass on the weed, but will happily participate in the aftermath of others using.

nonbeliever7 June 7, 2012 at 4:55 pm

I'll bring a case of Mountain Dew.
(looks down)
Ok…ok. Diet Mountain Dew

WIDTAP June 7, 2012 at 5:08 pm

This sound like an event just prime for all-night beach sing-a-longs. Finally a truely appropriate place for those of us with no sense of pitch or rhythm.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Dave Barry has a story about how he and his friends (a bunch of middle-aged white guys) went to some concert, and not only were *none* of them able to clap on the beat, they "never, no matter how eternally long the song went on, managed to clap at the same time".

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 7, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Me, me, me! I know I'm late but I was working all day!

P.S. I can bring a car full of free craft beer.

Barb June 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm

I wouldn't have a party without my Dawg!

jakegittes June 7, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I'll bring some dope. And the marijuana, too.

redarmyzombie June 8, 2012 at 4:34 am

Barb,

I'd offer to bring some Bitchin' reefer, but is seems others have beat me to it.

Barb June 8, 2012 at 11:08 pm

Bring it for when we slip away from everyone else, lol.

Vecchiojohn June 8, 2012 at 10:35 am

I tried to drive through La Jolla once and I set off the poor people detector.

nounverb911 June 7, 2012 at 2:42 pm

"a starched beanie cap"
Mitt's Jewish?

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I think it's the propellor kind that he had to wear in his "eating club".

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Life member of the Beany & Cecil Fan Club.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:25 pm

*sings*
A Bob Clampett cartoo-oon!

Arken June 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Mormons call non-Mormons 'gentiles.' True fact.

scvirginia June 7, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Maybe it's his hair, but I have no trouble picturing Mittens wearing Jughead Jones' headgear…

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Hey pesky kids, get off my sand!!

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I would have looked him in the eye, taken a deep toke, sucked down some beer, and belched, "Nice wife. Which factory she from?"

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:26 pm

Or, as George Carlin suggested, "Who's the cunt?"

Estproph June 7, 2012 at 2:44 pm

He's just pissed that Quint's a bogart.

jjdaddyo June 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I think the Times is just fucking with us now: "Mr. Quint, who lives on the waterfront"?
Are they sure he wasn't out hunting for a giant shark with Matt Hooper and Sheriff Brody?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"We're gonna need a bigger joint"

OneDollarJuana June 7, 2012 at 2:45 pm

That one kid behind Mittso seems to be sleeping. Was he hanging out on Mitt's beach before the speech?

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Obama don't need no cops to intercept for him.

noodlesalad June 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

The Romneys rarely entertain neighbors – or anyone else for that matter.

kissawookiee June 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I don't know. I find his repeated attempts to run standardhumaninteraction.exe pretty entertaining.

noodlesalad June 7, 2012 at 3:23 pm

laugh.wav

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:27 pm

They entertain us, but it has to be said that being a self-parody isn't the same thing as being *intentionally* funny.

Gunner Asch June 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

I'd rather Mitt reenacted the original "On the Beach"

Terry June 7, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I'm surprised he hasn't taken the opportunity to convert a few of his neighbors.

Pop_Socket June 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Now I'm picturing Mitt riding a bicycle around La Jolla in black pants and starched white shirt knocking on doors. Thanks for nothing.

Wile E. Quixote June 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Watch this. It will make you feel better.

anniegetyerfun June 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Why do it now when you can do it after they die?

Not_So_Much June 7, 2012 at 3:25 pm

As someone who escaped the cult church early, I can guar-an-fucking-tee the offer to join the fellowship of magic underoos has been extended.

BelleSC June 8, 2012 at 8:27 am

Not surprising then that they entertain infrequently. Who in their right mind would accept the invitation?

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Mitt, you are the king of buzz kill.

Of course, as always, praise is welcome.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

The only kind of praise Mittens will ever get from me is faint. (faints)

edgydrifter June 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm

It's Mormoning in America.

BarackMyWorld June 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Mildly off-topic, but here's Mitt Romney's entire presidential campaign, explained in one sentence.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Permission to Tweet?

BarackMyWorld June 7, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Spread the word.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Done! Thank you.

BelleSC June 8, 2012 at 8:44 am

Done again!

weejee June 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm

And, surprise, surprise, Zakaria over at WaPoo disagrees with Mittens. Fareed goes over one sentence, but hey.

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Zakaria has views on subjects other than "Why Ahmed Is Angry"?

BarackMyWorld June 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Well, yeah, there's that, too. Mitt's central argument besides "tax cuts good" is "Trust me, I'm rich!"

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Awesome!

Joshua Norton June 7, 2012 at 2:49 pm

They can always claim it was medical marijuana because Mitt makes them sick.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Yaknow, I'm gonna try that.

veritass June 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Fun thought experiment: what would you say to Mittens when he declared that you must discard of your filthy poor person marijuana cigarette, post-haste?

I can't think of anything other than "go fuck yourself." I left my subtlety at home.

ProgressiveInga June 7, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"Joints are people, my friend".

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:52 pm

Well, here's what I posted up higher.

Mittens Howell, III June 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Fuck you, and the car elevator you rode in on.

timbo71351 June 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Hey Ward Cleaver, go fuck yourself.

Chichikovovich June 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm

"We all have our youthful escapades. I smoke a little dope, you preached that blacks are marked by God as inferior and that interracial marriage is a sin."

veritass June 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

So much win.

not that Radio June 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Not to mention, he killed a dude. Hey Mitt. Come bother me when you have fewer manslaughters than I do.

LeAlbatross June 7, 2012 at 3:34 pm

"Sirrah, you do talk as a mooncalf, for I am less beholden to yon herb than you be to the hefty purses of thy sycophants. Ecce this malmsey pottle thou hast hagridden me 'pon is less dizzifying than thy assertion of Our Lord's trip to this land we stand at."

That, or 'Fuck off.'

Wile E. Quixote June 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"Pull that magic underwear out of the crack in your ass and try some, ya fucking pussy."

chicken_thief June 7, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I got a pipe right here for you to smoke, Willard.

Wile E. Quixote June 7, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Here's one possible response.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:30 pm

[in a thick jersey accent]
Fuck you, ya fuckin' fuck!

Negropolis June 8, 2012 at 1:29 am

"You're the one in California, bub. Now, fuck off back to whatever planet you're from."

Or:

"Don't you have other poor people to steal from?"

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I wish I lived on the Left Coast. I'd love to organize a smoke-in (medical only and please bring prescriptions) on the beach

bumfug June 7, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Mitt prefers the brown acid.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Quint: You have city hands, Mr. Romney. You been countin' money all your life.
Romney: All right, all right. Hey, I don't need this… I don't need this working-class-hero crap.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Mitt Romney wouldn't know from working class hero if it ate his face off.

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

He's gonna need a bigger PAC.

Maman June 7, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Way to show the neighborhood that you aren't planning on being a heavy handed dick, Mittens!

SorosBot June 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

If Mitt doesn't want to be around people who are smoking pot, he shouldn't be in California.

littlebigdaddy June 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Mitt IS the Walrus!

coolhandnuke June 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hey Mittens, don't you know a Gated Community is the gateway drug to fear, hate and self-loathing.

pdiddycornchips June 7, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Was he wearing a Michigan State Trooper uniform at the time? I bet he was.

Antispandex June 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

"Drop that joint hippie, or I'll kick your…well I'll GET someone to kick yer ass!" Damn, what a turd.

edgydrifter June 7, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Can you even imagine Mitt getting high? He'd be curled up behind the sofa crying to the 911 operator about how he thinks monsters are in his tummy and he might be dying. Awful.

Limeylizzie June 7, 2012 at 3:37 pm

That is exactly how I acted on the 3 or 4 occasions I smoked weed, not kidding, i was a weepy, paranoid, blubbering mess.

chicken_thief June 7, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Sure it was just weed?!

Limeylizzie June 7, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Well one time it was Thai Sticks and I am a recovering epileptic, so there's that.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:35 pm

*waves hands slowly above head, staring at them bug-eyed*
"Oh, wow! The trees… the trees are just the right height."

Negropolis June 8, 2012 at 1:34 am

Reminds me of the cop and his wife in Dearborn a few years back whose call was all over the news:

On the night of April 21, 2006, a panicky Sanchez told an emergency dispatcher he thought he and his wife were overdosing on marijuana. "I think we're dying," he said in the 5-minute tape, obtained under the Michigan Freedom of Information Act. "We made brownies and I think we're dead, I really do," Sanchez continued. He told the dispatcher he had never made marijuana brownies before, but had previously used marijuana. Then, he asked the score of the Red Wings game on television that night, explaining, "I just want to make sure this isn't some type of, like, hallucination that I'm having."

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Sounds a whole lot safer than lecturing young Bostonians about the evils of crunk.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Wow, what a wet blanket. I mean, you really can't imagine America's best neighbor, Bill Clinton doing anything like that.

pdiddycornchips June 7, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Bill is a good man. He is well deserving of all the blow jobs he's (probably) getting from the locals.

BornInATrailer June 7, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I was gonna pray to Space Jesus but then I got high..

James Michael Curley June 7, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I'm not going. I don't need to see Mitt wander out onto his lawn to pick up the morning paper in a bathrobe that is far too short.

Come here a minute June 7, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Mitt better be careful — if he gets too close he might inhale a little bit of the smoke and wind up in Mormon Hell.

Callyson June 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I hope one of the La Jolla Cove sea lions bites him.

In a totally non – violent, non – death wishing way of course…

anniegetyerfun June 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Are they violent? I went right up and gave one a pat on the head last time I was there. Of course, that was a long time ago, before the ghetto-ization of our great country by the blah president.

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 3:31 pm

They are not violent on land. Sometimes, underwater, they can be a little misunderstood. Divers get nipped, and think it's aggression but in fact, sea lions use their teeth and mouths to feel…you know, no hands…and like sharks, that's often misunderstood as violent behavior.

Of course, a shark "feeling" you can result in really serious injury. Sea lions…well, you have to panic a little.

Negropolis June 8, 2012 at 1:36 am

Didn't that one in San Francisco try to eat Shakira? Or was that a seal? Is there a real difference, behaviorally? Why am I asking so many questions? lol

Callyson June 7, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Not normally, but they'll defend themselves from a creep who tries to mess with them. We could use more sea lions as Democratic Party politicians…

coolhandnuke June 7, 2012 at 3:11 pm

The only thing Mitt knows about joint ventures is shutting them down.

SayItWithWookies June 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Mister Quint — I think we're gonna need a bigger bong.

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Romney was particularly upset that Mr. Quint had vowed to kill the biggest shark of them all: Bain.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Is it possible to be anywhere in California and not smell pot smoke?

And how does Mitt know what marijuana smells like?

OneYieldRegular June 7, 2012 at 3:14 pm

First of all, thanks to the visionary California Coastal Commission (which Republicans are always trying to destroy), the entire coast of California (with the exception of a couple military bases) is completely public, even in front of Mitt Romney's McMansion and b) Seriously? He's trying to stop people from smoking pot on the beach in California? He's even more completely out of touch than I thought.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

The question remains: Why hasn't Mitt fired the entire police force yet?

Beowoof June 7, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Typical, those religious fundamentalist types just can't stand anyone having a good time.

fitley June 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I think there are some potheads that might wake up with bad haircuts in the morning if they continue these hijinks. That is if Mittens has his security guards to hold them down. Otherwise it might be embarrassing for Mittens to campaign with two black eyes.

Naked_Bunny June 7, 2012 at 3:19 pm

So tell me, when do Republicans get around to celebrating freedom and individuality, respecting people's property, keeping the government's nose out of people's private lives, and all that other crap they say they like?

wolvenwood13 June 7, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Don't forget to put "shrinking Big liberal government" on that to-do list.

scvirginia June 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

When it suits them.

heathenette June 7, 2012 at 11:38 pm

For some reason your comment made think of this: (’cause you know how they also worry about the down-trodden and all, I guess.)

Now Tom said “Mom, wherever there’s a cop beatin’ a guy
Wherever a hungry newborn baby cries
Where there’s a fight ‘gainst the blood and hatred in the air
Look for me Mom I’ll be there
Wherever there’s somebody fightin’ for a place to stand
Or decent job or a helpin’ hand
Wherever somebody’s strugglin’ to be free
Look in their eyes Mom you’ll see me.”

Estproph June 7, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Quint! Condolences! The bums lost!

…My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose– do you hear me, Quint? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS–

cheetojeebus June 7, 2012 at 3:24 pm

So? Did Mitt throw his coffee mug at him before kicking his ass? http://youtu.be/EyH760MV3Yg

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:38 pm

I thought Mitzi wasn't allowed to have coffee.
Of course, just because it was a coffee mug doesn't necessarily mean that it had coffee *in* it; it could have been full of Mom's Friendly Robot Oil.

elburritodeluxe June 7, 2012 at 3:27 pm

When my neighbors annoy me, I have to suck it up and grumble to my wife. Mittens, however, is able to stay in one of his other mansions.

Chet Kincaid June 7, 2012 at 3:28 pm

"And another thing: you look like a homosexual with that hair! Clean up your act or next time I see you, I'll pin you to the sand with my powerful thighs and cut it myself!!"

Fred_Wertham_Jr June 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Sorry, dude–you startled me. Didn't mean to blow all that smoke in your face.

iburl June 7, 2012 at 3:32 pm

We need a time machine, get young Obama and Clinton to blow smoke in Mitt's square face. :)

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 3:34 pm

The only way he could have been a bigger narc about it is if he had worn his state trooper costume when he did this.

N.B. This would have also made it much more insane, creepy, and illegal, too.

randcoolcatdaddy June 7, 2012 at 3:40 pm

"The Romneys rarely entertain neighbors in their home, but they have become those annoying uptight pricks that everyone gossips about and the neighborhood kids laugh at when they're not looking."

/fixed

DahBoner June 7, 2012 at 3:47 pm

Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do???

Besides the obvious S&M dungeon…

elgin_pelican June 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm

Blunts are people, my friends.

barto June 7, 2012 at 3:59 pm

If you're really lucky he'll slip on the old uniform and write you a ticket!

pdiddycornchips June 7, 2012 at 4:11 pm

What do they give out for Halloween? I give out joints and condoms.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:43 pm

If they're actually allowed to do something as much fun as celebrate Halloween, they're probably the house that gives out tiny boxes of raisins, or worse yet, Jack Chick pamphlets. My dentist gave out toothbrushes, which really is pretty lame, but then you can't really expect anything else from a dentist.

imissopus June 7, 2012 at 4:12 pm

KBJ, if you drive I'll chip in for gas.

KBoydJohnson June 7, 2012 at 5:23 pm

We'll have to take the mules. I don't have a car.

imissopus June 7, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Mules are ornery and what are we anyway, conquistadors? We'll ask Mama Schoenkopf if we can borrow her car.

Negropolis June 8, 2012 at 1:39 am

Well, given that this is California, I'd imagine transit by mule is much quicker than taking the freeways.

Sharkey June 7, 2012 at 4:21 pm

"This shark, swallow you whole."

tbogg June 7, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Mitt's house expansion: 3000 square foot basement or grow room. Discuss…

Veritas78 June 7, 2012 at 4:32 pm

There are few things more annoying than a new neighbor who's eager to tell you how to behave in a place you've lived for years.

It would be a shame if such an arriviste were to, say, accidentally fall off his dressage horse and get dragged for a few miles.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Now I'm picturing Neidermeyer, which… ain't wrong.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Quint: What's this Mr. Romney?

Romney: Election PAC.

Quint: Election PAC. You go in the PAC, PAC goes in the election, Obama's in the election. Our Obama.

Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies …

M. Szyslak June 7, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I could have use a Mittscolding when I was just a nipper.

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 6:04 pm

When he was governor, Mitt would harangue Southies for brown-bagging Guinness on their stoops, which explains the metal plate in his head.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I can hardly wait for his campaign stop in Harlem, wearing a suit and tie, and carrying a tightly rolled umbrella and notepad to jot down the local "hep" slang.

raygotaway June 7, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Mitt harshes my buzz everytime I see a photo of him.

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I'm guessing it was a really small pot-head.

chascates June 7, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Christ on a pogo stick, Pat Boone must be less of an asshole towards modernity than this clown. He and Ann must be the only couple in the world that probably doesn't pass gas or use the W.C.

Dr_pangloss June 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I'd say a shark might eat him but I think he would be to bloodless and tasteless for them to think he's food.

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 9:14 pm

In Joseph Smith's day, this sort of behaviour was called "finding yet another wife."

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 9:57 pm

I cannot imagine being on the beach, stoned on *anything*, and having Mittens walk up to me and tell me to stop. I'd probably laugh my ass of for about four hours and then decide the whole thing was an hallucination.

starfanglednut June 7, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Rmoney better not try that shit with the people doing bath salts on the beach. Could get his face eaten off.

Just sayin'.

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:20 pm

"You are commanded to picture Mitt Romney wearing pleated shorts with socks hiked up to his knees and a starched beanie cap"

NO!! I can't! I won't! And YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!

tessiee June 7, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Slightly OT: Back in the days before you got the guillotine for a pot seed, a friend was smoking a jay in Washington Square Park in NYC. He looked up to see the blue coat of the local Officer Friendly, a large African American gentleman, but "Bill" was so high that the officer sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher. As he related the officer's words to us later: "Womp womp womp… THAT THING!! [sternly, with scolding finger shake] Womp womp womp… NO MORE!!"

Negropolis June 8, 2012 at 1:20 am

Your Wonkette is now tempted to acquire some of this marijuana and go down to La Jolla to sit on the beach with a joint just to see if Mitt Romney will pop out from behind a rock to deliver a scold.

That actually sounds kind of fun, well, outside of the "just to see if Mitt Romney will pop out from behind a rock to deliver a scold." part. You know what would make that better, though. Water balloons. Water balloons make everything better. As soon as the two approached me, I'd just cold pelt them with water balloons.

Sassomatic June 8, 2012 at 1:33 am

He's the evil version of Mr. Rogers.

tweeksmom June 8, 2012 at 8:16 am

Mitt: "This guy looks like he is up to no good or he is on drugs or something. "

911 Operator: "Are you following him?"

Mitt: "Yes.These assholes are always getting away!"

911 Operator: "Okay, we don't need you to do that….."

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