RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS  12:00 pm June 7, 2012

Get Ready To Get Down At Some Gay Weddings At Mitt Romney’s House!

by Sulagna Misra

They don't have streamers at straight weddings!This Thursday, Mitt Romney’s unlikable, Bill Clinton’s talking some awkward talk, and Barack Obama is making money. This is news?
  • Unlike Bill Clinton, Mitt Romney is a terrible neighbor. Somehow he is gentrifying his already rich neighborhood and alienating his gay neighbors. He clearly needs to throw a huge, weird party with celebrities and funny people and fun drugs, like truffle oil! So basically, the presidential campaign equivalent of a White House Correspondents’ Dinner. [The New York Times]
  • Speaking of Bill, he is KILLING IT as he campaigns for the president! And by killing it, we mean he is doing a weird, clunky job of it. What happened to bringing the heat, man? [Slate]
  • Speaking of President Obama, he raised a lot of campaign funds after endorsing gay marriage. So here is the gay agenda: “We want to get married!” And here is our gay agenda: “I want to go to a gay wedding so I can show off my sweet dance moves without shame!” What? Just us? Okay. [The Daily Beast]
  • Speaking of bad dance moves, let’s talk about tree-huggers and environmental protesters for one second. Go do some actual good instead of nagging us to death about leaving the lights on when we leave a room. This goes for you too, vegans and most of the characters on Portlandia. [Grist]
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nounverb911 June 7, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Mitt can host a Tsunami party on his beach.

Biff June 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Does his car elevator go to the top floor?

Nostrildamus June 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

With a tsunami, you don't need an elevator.

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm

He can have the B-52s over for entertainment!

I mean the planes, not the band

Andrew Drinker June 7, 2012 at 12:46 pm

They fly at just the right height.

chicken_thief June 7, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Then he can strap the family dog to the canopy of one and have it delivered to his east coast house.

bumfug June 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

When a republican manages to piss off people in La Jolla, he's fucking doomed.

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Gays don't need to see the ocean. That's reserved for non-sinners.

Barb June 7, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Will Mitt be holding down the grooms and cutting their hair?

nounverb911 June 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

He outsources that now.

Biff June 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

That's a job for the elders.

Geminisunmars June 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm

And the brides' too. Locksa luck with that.

weejee June 7, 2012 at 12:23 pm

With Oakum's razor?

Barb June 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Remember that it is going to take a while to cash that $20.00 wedding gift check from Mitt, written from a bank in the Cayman Islands.

mavenmaven June 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

You see, Obama is a sell out when he raises any funds, but look at Romney, raising even more money, isn't that awesome?

widestanceromance June 7, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The worst thing about being Rmoney's neighbor would have to be the constant hum of the generators that power him up each night.

nounverb911 June 7, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Mitt should use solar power at night.

Estproph June 7, 2012 at 1:27 pm

He can't. He's an American.

Biff June 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Bring on the rolling blackouts!

chicken_thief June 7, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Didn't they do an awesome cover of the Stones' Gimme Shelter?

Guppy June 7, 2012 at 12:29 pm

His bed raises up through a hole in the ceiling whenever there's a lightning storm.

James Michael Curley June 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Is the antenna automatic or manual?

Guppy June 7, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Very much manual, according to Ann.

randcoolcatdaddy June 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I suppose building a volcano lair would upset the neighbors a bit.

freakishlywrong June 7, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Sorta OT. Listened to Stephanie Miller this a.m., who played audio of POTUS talking about the pushup contest betwixt his lovely wife and Ellen. He stated that Ellen had cheated; she "didn't go down all the way". Hilarity ensued.

Guppy June 7, 2012 at 12:30 pm

She saved that for off-camera.

That was Barry's main complaint.

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Steph rules! M-F 9a to Noon, Curent TV. Normally, I don't care if a girl is gay, but Steph: heartbreaker! I think Maddow is kind of hot, too in a schoolteacher kind of way.

Baconzgood June 7, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"I play my stereo loud,
I disturb my neighbors"

-Mitt "D"-

EloquentScience June 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Hey Mitt! Neighbors are people, too, my friend.

TootsStansbury June 7, 2012 at 12:13 pm

The light from Mitt's eternally flaming pants bothers the nabes.

noodlesalad June 7, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Free car elevator rides for all the neighborhood tots!

SorosBot June 7, 2012 at 12:16 pm

How much noise does a car elevator make anyway?

WhatTheHeck June 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Otis libel

Callyson June 7, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I'm two hours away from La Jolla, and that's too close to Mittens for my comfort…

Biff June 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Imagine (perish the thought) if he wins, the Sekrit Cervix nightmare around the western white house…

fuflans June 7, 2012 at 2:00 pm

doesn't he have like 18 properties? i mean he can't be in more than one at once.

unless this is feature of the mittbot 2000 of which i am unaware.

SayItWithWookies June 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

One often hears it said — indeed, I’ve said it myself many times — that the environmental movement has become lamentably oppositional. It’s against this power plant, that factory, this energy project, that chemical, this mine or oil well, that trade deal.

Is it bad that my first reaction to these two introductory sentences was "Oh fuck you, motherfucker?"

vodkamuppet June 7, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Or "are you fucking kidding me? Of all the stupid cockfucking dumb dicked up…."

Mumbletypeg June 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Is it bad that my first reaction to these two introductory sentences was "Oh fuck you, motherfucker?"

I skimmed the whole thing, waiting for the point of his to-do to emerge.
Basically his "point" wandered around in search of itself. I couldn't be sure who was the target of his criticism: some kind of opposite of a do-gooder, or maybe what you're doing is right just not smart or hard or fast enough? — or your intentions are good but UR DOING IT WRONG? — yet I never got a straightly articulated vision of what would make anything go 'right' or improve in his estimation.

Grass roots efforts toward a shared higher goal, such as eco-efficient solutions and environmental damage-control, will necessarily entail some "oppositional"-ity and hopefully outgrow those hindrances if there is some maturity in the fray. Green movement message-tenders would benefit more if this author hadn't gotten his head stuck between a couple of trees thus totally missing the forest of purposefulness.

Estproph June 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm

And they're against this pollution and that pollution…they hate everything!

George Skullfry June 7, 2012 at 11:48 pm

No. My reaction to the entire article is "go fuck yourself in a positive way".

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I bet Mitt Romney has that "White People's Duckface" move down pat.

DemmeFatale June 7, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Is that like the "White Man's Overbite?"

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Trump is the master, though.

weejee June 7, 2012 at 12:24 pm

That story about Clinton's cigars smells a little fishy.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Tastes like chicken, though.

Blueb4sunrise June 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm

NYT: "But here in La Jolla, a wealthy coast-hugging enclave of San Diego…."

Ya know who else lives in an enclave?

actor212 June 7, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Ensama bin Laden?

YasserArraFeck June 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

A homeless guy with a Buick?

Pop_Socket June 7, 2012 at 1:31 pm

David Koresh?
Well, not any more.

CthuNHu June 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

A bunch of elderly sexually conflicted men in floor-length red dresses battling boredom, claustrophobia and almost certainly doomed ambition?

No, wait, that's conclave, sorry.

SayItWithWookies June 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

For now, though, the Romneys are making regular use of their La Jolla house. Despite a busy campaign schedule, they have stayed there for the past two weekends. Mr. Romney has been spotted pruning the trees by his pool and touching up the paint on a fence.

Oh awesome — we can all think about watching four fucking years of Mitt cutting brush at his ranch and walking around with his elbows out cowboy-style and maybe landing on an aircraft carrier if the Iran invasion's first couple weeks go off well.

Andrew Drinker June 7, 2012 at 12:51 pm

No no no, that's what Bush did when he cleared brush. Mitt clearing brush just means having a hand servant clean out his hairbrush. That Brylcreem really gets gunky in there!

DemmeFatale June 7, 2012 at 2:50 pm

He has a man 'round to clean up after he's been "pruning" and "painting."

boobookitteh June 7, 2012 at 12:53 pm

A young man in town recalled that Mr. Romney confronted him as he smoked marijuana and drank on the beach last summer, demanding that he stop.

The issue appears to be a recurring nuisance for the Romneys. Mr. Quint, who lives on the waterfront near Mr. Romney, said that a police officer had asked him, on a weekend when the candidate was in town, to report any pot smoking on the beach. The officer explained to him that “your neighbors have complained,” Mr. Quint recalled. “He was pretty clear that it was the Romneys.”


jjdaddyo June 7, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I love how the Times calls La Jolla an "enclave". Why not just call it a "compound"?
Why expand the house, Mitt? Running out of space for all those sister wives?

Pop_Socket June 7, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Mitt Romney is now a villain in a "Weeds" episode.

Antispandex June 7, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Gay wedding? Eh, I don't think I want to go to one any more than I want to go to a straight wedding. The RECEPTION however, well, that just has to go on the bucket list. I have always wanted to dance with a lesbian so my friends could ask me stupid and insensitive questions (like, "do you think she'ld do you bro?), and let's face it, my chances of ever getting on Ellen are slim.

pinkocommi June 7, 2012 at 5:14 pm

What does a straight girl who loves her some gay people – who (true story) once took an online test of bias and homophobia and was delighted to find that she is biased to LIKE you if she knows you are gay and who has at every stage of her life been enriched by the friendship of wonderful gay people and who just wants gay people to have lots of fun and love through marriage or anonymous sex -whatever! – what do I have to do get invited to a fucking gay wedding?

TribecaMike June 7, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Mitt's inaugural theme song will be "It's Reigning Men!"

ttommyunger June 7, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Mitt/Party: does not compute.

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