Here is a nice 14-year-old West Virginian preparing to be the next Glenn Beck and/or Pope, by telling his radio listeners for his radio program that homosexuals are “sickening.” But not just, like a little sickening, like a sort of gut ache from too many hot dogs, no, it is SICKENING in all capitals, because buttsex (and Hell). “You know what? I knew these kids! SOME of ’em I was friends with!” says the boy, about their choice to be homosecshul. (He could tell they chose to be homosecshuls because they were not homosecshuls in elementary school. Q.E.Duh!)

Anyway, the rest of it is all this pompous young man droning on in his best brow-furrowed style about how Barack Obama and Joe Biden are making kids be gay, and homosexuals are the real bullies for making fun of his friends just because they try to save the homosexuals from hell. But honestly, you know the only reason he is all hung up on this is because his name is Caiden Cowger, and you know everybody called him “Gayden Cowgirl.” Poor kid. Let’s be extry gentle in the comments, unless you don’t want to, fuck it.


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  • Extemporanus

    He has a cock for radio.

  • Barb

    You don't "turn into a homosexual" You are born that way, just like this kid was born a miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit.

    His mother should be slapped like a conceding politician in Wisconsin, and his father should be kicked in his testicle balls.

    • HippieEsq

      Or…I humbly suggest that his mother should be slapped and his dad junk-stomped because of THEIR choice to teach this kid how to be a miserable, intolerant, idiotic lousy piece of shit!

      • CommieLibunatic

        Whatever, as long as there is the stomping of reproductive organs.

        Uh oh, commenting guidelines. Uh…

        Stomping of reproductive organs WITH VOTES!!

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      The best outcome I can see coming from this is the kid will be baffled by most people's responses and, as a result, start to question the bullshit that has been taught to him by the adults in his life.
      Worst outcome is he'll just become like them.

      • vodkamuppet

        Whoa, an optimist. How did you find wonkette?

        • Callyson

          Optimist…or someone who is well into Happy Hour…

    • vodkamuppet

      Not the same! I wasn't born a "miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit", social conditioning played a part. Black & Decker made attachments in those days when I was growing up and they were called Uncle Ron, broken down Cheveys, PBR and my mother hating my fathers siblings. Get your facts straight Barb!

      • Barb

        Vodka, you both scare and fascinate me, lol.

        • vodkamuppet

          Im a riddle wrapped in a sexy McNigma Barb. I don't even know what the hell im saying most of the time.

          • Barb

            I'm McLoving it!

    • tessiee

      "this kid was born a miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit."

      Sorry, not prepared to agree — or not entirely, anyway.
      He may have been *born* the product of sibling incest — and being idiotic is almost a requirement for being fourteen or so — but someone *raised* him to be an intolerant, boorish, lousy piece of shit.

    • MissNancyPriss

      Except that tis kid wasn't born a miserable, intolerant, boorish, etc., etc..

  • Mittens Howell, III

    What a weirdo. When I was 14, I got busy barfing all over my dad's liquor cabinet, not hosting some namby-pamby radio entertainment show.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Yeah, radio is for queers and such!

      • Oh, I'm sure that's exactly why this young man is all up in arms (whose? He wishes!) about How Mow Sex Yoo Ell Itty. He wishes he could have some. I can't wait till he is outed on some porn Web site.

        • redarmyzombie

          Searching the Livestreams is 3,2…

        • Carrying luggage for a republican, no doubt.

      • ibwilliamsi

        Only talk radio.

    • Generation[redacted]

      I was playing Dungeons & Dragons, so I'm not one to judge.

      • edgydrifter

        I still play D&D and I'm on the radio, so I must be gay as fuck.

        • Sure sounds like it. Do you have a dog, too?

          • edgydrifter

            Holy crap–I DO!!

          • Might's well just come on out of the closet, hon.

          • flamingpdog

            Wait a minute, I thought teh gheys had kitties, not doggies. And someone told me that everyone with a kitty cat avatar at teh Wonkette was gay. Well, except for Barb, anyway. And maybe that housekeeper she's talking about hiring, you never know.

          • finallyhappy

            ghey and dog libel- I know lesbians and gay guys with dogs- and not little dogs either.

          • flamingpdog

            Just about every lesbian I know has or had dogs. Except for the lesbian I kind of have a crush on.

          • It's a silly joke about logic. Two guys on a plane, one of them is an ignorant schmuck, the other is an academician. I don't remember exactly how the joke goes, but it's something about "if you have a dog, you must live in a house with a yard, and therefore …" except the ignorant schmuck then repeats it to someone else without understanding it and he then comes to the (erroneous) conclusion that the other guy is gay. Because he has a dog. Or he doesn't have a dog. Or something like that.

          • tessiee

            No offense, but I don't think you told that joke right.

          • No offense taken, darls, I've completely forgotten how it goes. If you remember, please tell. I thought it was hysterically funny at the time.

          • The way I heard it was two good old boys were talking. One had actually started going to college and one of his first courses was in logic. The owned item in question was a weed-eater. Fill in the rest as it suits you.

          • I think our dear BSD is a nice lesbian with dogs, one of which is her av. I know lots of gay guys with cats, but most of the gay men I know have little yappy dogs (can't stand those fucking dogs). Most of the dykes seem to prefer big dogs.

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            I was forced to rescue one dog from the pound before being allowed to sleep with women. It's a rule. But my actual dog is very large and gets pissed when I try to put a hoody on her.

          • Oh, so this one's not yours? Cute little puppy. I remember you used to be BigRedDog, before. Your av was the floofiest red dog ever. Looked like an Old English Sheepdog, only red.

            All my dogs have been total fucking pushovers. You could do ANYthing to them (and we often did) without complaint. What does BigRedDog do to express her disapproval?

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            My av used to be Marmaduke but I changed around the time that our new Editrix introduced me to my new favorite thing, skullf*cking! I tried uploading a picture of my actual big red dog but I get an error message that says the files too big, even though I don't think it is. Maybe its my computers way of telling me to put her on a diet This is just a stray Internet dog.

            The only thing the big red dog does to show her disapproval is act really pathetic like she is about to fucking die or something. She is a pushover to friends and cats but I wouldn't want to be a burgler at my house. Unless I was not home and the burgler brought snacks. Then they could probably leave with all my worldly possessions.

          • Yeah, all my dogs were only pushovers to family members. To the cats, they acted as warm rugs or bedding (poor things). But strangers, now. That's one thing I love about having a dog in the house. Corky would stand just behind my leg when I opened the front door and then stick his head out and smile at people. It always swiftly disabused them of unfriendly notions.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Party at your place!

          Seriously, I would totally jam with you for that.

          • redarmyzombie

            Seconded. There should totally be more D&D campaigns over the radio.

    • ibwilliamsi

      Fer shur. Don't forget stealing cigarette butts out of the ashtray.

    • tessiee

      "When I was 14, I got busy barfing all over my dad's liquor cabinet, not hosting some namby-pamby radio entertainment show."

      Oh, I get it.
      One of the POPULAR kids!

    • timbo71351

      When I was 14, I got busy looking at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and mastrubating like a spider monkey on crystal meth.

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Reverse Cowgirl is his sister.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Her name is Regina, thank you.

    • tessiee

      Perverse Cowgirl is his mother/aunt/sister.

  • Generation[redacted]

    You just know he's trying real hard to "choose" to be heterosexual.

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Swing and a miss, if you ask me.

      • scvirginia

        Yes, because how else would he KNOW it's Obama making the boyz choose to be queer?

    • GhostBuggy

      I'm sure that when it's hard to make the choice – when that gay kid from "Glee" is on the teevee, for example – he does his best to fap the gay right out.

    • That's why he's phrasing it as an issue of CHOICE.

      Who the FUCK would CHOOSE to be a member of a persecuted minority that risks physical violence, hatred, bullying, fines, imprisonment, beatings, public humiliation and scorn, and DEATH just for the crime of loving somebody else? WHO?

      • The buttsecks makes it all worth it.

        • Fare la Volpe


          • Sorry, Fare. I did not mean to be glib.

          • Fare la Volpe

            Nah, I was making a slight against buttsechs (it hurts. a lot.), not trying to make you feel bad about anything. You'd really be amazed how little bullshit I've received over my being a bumbandit throughout my life, or how little bullshit I've received in general, what with being a sissy, a redhead, a four eyes, and a total geek (and I used to have braces too; I was prime lock-stuffing bait and no one bit).

            Maybe I was just lucky, or people are finally being better to each other in general.

          • UW8316154

            But blowjobs are still good, amirite?

          • No matter which it is, I'm really glad to hear it. In my yoof, that was, like, a prescription for murder.

          • anniegetyerfun

            You're a redhead?! God, I had no idea. I am so sorry. (I am too, sorta, except my hair turned white when I was, like, 18).

      • Crank_Tango

        I think their rationale is we are all born craving cock and only some actually choose to act upon it?

        teh straightness, you're doing it wrong.

        • Generation[redacted]

          I remember thinking it was odd when one of those preachers got caught with a male hooker and claimed he's not gay, he just gave into temptation.

        • Srsly. That is probably just fucking right. They see gay folks as too weak to resist that terrible craving for the genitalia of people of their own gender that they struggle against daily.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I did it to get 10% off a Subaru!

        • Nobody EVER offers ME no fucking incentives. Other people got small appliances and stuff too.

          • UW8316154

            Small appliances…like vibrators!

          • Nah, most of the dykes I know seem to have a pretty interesting collection by the time they hit their 20s. But Wonketteers, being a different species, were bragging about being offered toasters and what not.

            Me, I'd do it for a really high-quality video camera. Oh, too late, I'm already queer.

  • fartknocker

    Wow, he'll be missing out on a lot of sexual fun. Also, he may meet some women who wear Redwing boots, have short hair, and could toss his ass around all day long.

    • "Dyke chic" was a big thing back in the '90s, to the chagrin of many dykes who would hit up on these very straight girls who just wanted a man who appreciated a woman with a little, you know, muscle and power and not-girly style.

      • Ach, I remember those days well; "coming of age", as it were, during those years, I'm pretty sure permanently calibrated my preference in women towards the short-haired, less-feminine sorts.

        On a related note, I either have incredibly good les-dar, or really crap les-dar, depending on how one decides to count such things.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          When I "came out", I was still living in small town Appalachia. Lotsa Appalachia straight women had mullets or short hair, didn't wear make-up or jewelry. Hell, they even drove pick-ups. You couldn't pick out the dykes from the straight gals.
          So my les-dar was awful.
          But the gay boys, though? No mistakin' them for straight Appalachian boys.

          • Yeah, I've just come to accept that if I'm instantly smitten with a girl, she is probably gay, or at least queer. Inconvenient as a straight cis male, but it's proven reliably true. To the point of being uncanny, even. Well, my current lady could possibly be straight, actually, but she's also still super-butch.

            Honestly, Appalachian gay guys have always given me more trouble; I can't tell an Appalachian accent from a lot of the vocal 'tells', so I ended up coding a few of my friends as "just skinny and from Arkansas" before they came out.

          • Butch_Wagstaff

            I always say my mother is a good example of butch Appalachian heterosexual female. She never cared for any "girly" stuff. The story she likes to tell is that when her mother tried to put her in a dress at the age of three, she immediately tore it off. Her mother never tried to get her to wear a dress after that.

          • new_pic_for_NEWTer

            …We were good as married in my mind
            But married in my mind's no good
            A Pink Triangle on her sleeve
            Let me know the truth, let me know the truth…

          • I dunno, some of the guys these days, you think they're gay and it turns out they're pretty straight but flattered. Which is much nicer than the old days when they might just kill you for trying.

        • Swampgas_Man

          My high-school years were spent ogling the very physically fit, short-haired girls on the basketball team, so I feel your pain.

        • I have a word for guys who are attracted to butch women: DykeTykes. Just like faghags, only kinder, I think.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        The nineties were an extremely confusing time for me. This did not help.

        • (Pats BSD's back) There, there. You made it through, that's what counts.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Barb, I'm pretty sure that being a miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit is a lifestyle choice. (My job, at the end of the day, depends on it.)

    Also, OT, having fun with the Patriot Depot site.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Comments are open!

    • GhostBuggy

      That was fun!

    • OT: Biely, you little devil! Well done! I put my two cents in as well.

    • Callyson

      T – shirts:

      American Live
      Anti – Obama
      Big & Tall
      Don't Tread on Me
      Famous Quotes
      Pro – Gun

      What, no "Christian Nation," "Free Enterprise," or "Heterosexual Rights" T – shirts? They're getting soft over there…

    • Callyson

      Oh Jesus, this is addictive…one of the bumper stickers:

      There's a Herman Cain Coming in 2012!

      Scary thing is, they are probably completely oblivious about the irony there…

    • flamingpdog


    • Zango Crudmonger

      Wow, are you the first to catch the Assassin's Creed knock off? If so, cheers. If not, well, cheers anyways.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Wish I could take credit for the find. Props go to a poster on Mock, Paper, Scissors.

        PNW_Kurt is the Wonker who found that link.

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          Biel_ze, this totally needs to be a post of its own…have you sent a tip to Our Editrix? If you don't want to write it up and submit it, I'd be happy to, with full credit to you, PNW_Kurt, and the Mock Paper Scissors guy of course.

    • redarmyzombie

      Biel_ze, that was wonderful…

      • Biely sure knows how to stick it to evildoers.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          I take pride in my profession.

    • why did you make me go to that place?

    • tessiee

      "We should all emulate the moxie Andrew perfected"

      What the fuck is this, 1890?

    • jetjaguar

      wow, great job

      I just sent IGN a little tip. Lets see what happens.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Those bastards deleted our comments!

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Hah! Perhaps they don't like seeing their hero BrightFart being laughed at.

        More likely, they don't want the rubes to know that the $4,000 piece of shit BlightArt costs less than $100 to mass-produce.

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          I commented on some of their other fine products. They don't seem to have found those yet.

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Those damned goobers cost me over 30 p-ness upfists, along with deleting a lovingly-crafted and potentially classic post. (Sadlly, they got it before Teh Googlz had a chance to archive it.)
            I slipped a few more comments onto the BlightArt page, just out of spite. I'm sure we gave them the most commenting action they've ever seen, or ever will — in fact, I'd bet it was the surge in traffic that caught their attention.

  • neiltheblaze

    That little punk would have been prime punching bait at my junior high, which was an urban stalag. He'd learn how to ride a punch.

  • Jadetiger79

    Oh Kirk Cameron, now look what you've done!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Sometimes, it gets worse.

    • It will, for him. The tide has turned, the pendulum has swung the other way, and his parents' world, in which such sentiments were not just acceptable but praiseworthy is dying away. He will increasingly struggle to stay relevant in a world which has passed him by.

      • Thanks. Now I almost feel bad for him.

        • Don't. He chose to be a homophobic, hateful piece of shit.

          • HistoriBarb

            Maybe he will see the error of his ways.
            ” You may say I'm a dreamer…”

  • Schmannnity

    He could use some gay fashion help.

  • Knowing kids like this when I was a teenager and what they grew up into, all I can say is that the future won't be kind to Caiden (are you sure his mommy wanted a girl?)

    • pdiddycornchips

      Caiden will outgrow this stage in his life soon enough. Then, it's a life of crawlin' around the coal mine and sexually abusing his 13 year old cousin. Just like his daddy and his daddy's daddy before him.

  • CrunchyKnee

    SkoalRebel wept.

    • UW8316154

      / spit /

  • We should hook him up with that wacist kid, so they can dance to Lady Gaga in the cwoset.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Dat was weiwd.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      Scwew those wascally wacists!

  • fartknocker

    Click on his Facebook page. He writes like a Teatard, complete with misspellings.

    • OMG, that shit's fucking hilarious!

      "I can make deside my own beliefs. A matter effect my mom was a democrat! I know scarry right?"

      Followed by:

      "And before you liberals ask, I wrote this my self."

      That kid is just cold fucking his own skull.

      • redarmyzombie

        Chainsaw not required…

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I will say that I was much better speller than him when I was his age.
        What's his spelling gonna look like in 20 years?
        I'm guessing he's hoomskolled?

        • Poralbly.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Christ, my daughter was vastly better than that at half his age. I'm starting to think that this kid may be "special".

      • Negropolis

        Hell, the Democrats are often times more conservatives than the Republicans in West Virginia. At least, that's how it used to be in that area of the country.

    • Callyson

      I make up my own mind. People don't do that for me. I can make deside my own beliefs. A matter effect my mom was a democrat! I know scarry right?

      Um, yes, Caiden, your inability to compose a coherent sentence *is* scary…

    • Dear jeebus, just listen to this: "Just because your young doesn't mean you're a brainless zombie! Some kids care too. I focus my life on real things like politics, not a stupid VIRTUAL video game. That is not going to get you any where in life."

      Those last two sentences came from an adult. Kids don't think like that because they don't really have the capacity to. As for the rest of it, the irony is rich. RICH!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Mommy said "Read this into the microphone honey…"

    • UW8316154

      Pentecostal. What a fucking surprise.

    • Negropolis

      I think that you mean that he writes like a fourteen year old boy. lol

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Hey kid. Eat shit and bark at the moon.

  • I wish video would kill this kid.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      In my mind in Virginia, we can't rewind we've gone to far

      Oh-a-aho oh

  • BloviateMe

    The reason he KNEW those awful boys were gay was because they had boners when he was butt-fucking them, which absolutely sickened him.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Plus their dicks tasted like shit when he was sucking them off.

  • Estproph

    Dem dere queers is sickenin! Dey won get near pickin up no snakes, or drink da arsenic!

  • Schmannnity

    I think he needs some Ketchup Council mellowing agents.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    He reminds me of Rush Limbaugh, except younger, and gayer.

    • glamourdammerung

      I would have went with younger and possibly not as drug-addled.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Paint fumes are still a drug.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Also thinner and no ex-wives, so there's that…

      • Not_So_Much

        His sister isn't of marrying age yet?

    • Callyson

      I *knew* Rushbo had to have a bastard child out there somewhere…

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        You can get 12 year-old Dominican boys preggers?

        • Callyson


        • More upfists than exist in all the universes, dude.

  • bumfug

    Sickening! The kid's stomach turns at the very thought of another man's throbbing loins pressed tightly, oh so tightly, against his own. His lip quivers with disgust imagining the feel of taut buttocks as his fingers glide over them…

    • Two minds with but one thought. Which was all I had room for anyway.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    So now mega-douchebag Limbaugh is a role model? I hope this is just a phase the kid's going through – sort of like getting pierced and tatted and wearing a neon-purple mohawk. (Admittedly, this is much uglier, but –unless he gets his ass stomped– at least it won't leave any marks.)

  • hagajim

    Poor Maiden Cowturd….all them kidz making fun of his ghey name and all. Maybe Craven Fuckturd ought to change his stupid name to Sam or George or even Steve. Whatever his name, he still needs teepee for his bunghole.

    • Whatever his name, he still needs ^^a^^ teepee for his bunghole.

      You know, to accommodate all the boys who might be lining up for a go.

  • An_Outhouse

    "I knew what this guy stood for abortion, mandatory healthcare, higher taxes. How could America do that? "

    Mandatory health care? What a travesty!!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      I demand my Constitushunal right to die of a perfectly treatable condition.

      On second thought, I demand that teabaggers be given their Constitushunal right to die of a perfectly treatable condition.

      • Really. Let's get that correct.

  • Schmannnity

    He must be gay. After all, he's 14 and from West Virginia and not even married.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      None of his cousins are 12 yet.

      • Veritas78

        Cousins? You must be thinking Kentucky. This is West Virginia, where siblings are fair game once the belly button done be tied off.

        "If the cradle's a'rockin, don't come a'knockin!"

  • DrunkIrishman

    This guy is gayer than Elton John in a bathhouse.

  • "And why [we]'re becominghomosexuals bigots, why [we]'re becoming gay pricks, is [we]'re encouraged by it!"


    • Pretty good job, Mumblety.

      • *encouraged by it others to do it" [?]

        GAAH, I think the end of his remark went differently. Too late to go back and check now!

        Wanted you to know I had seen your reply last week… It was appreciated; the greeting will mean a lot to Radio-dood and I'll pass it along~

        • Thank you so much. He disappeared while I was out of town, and things were confused for a bit there, and I;ve only just pieced together that he was even gone and not away on vacation, like some of us have been of late.

  • GhostBuggy

    This is a joke, right? This kid's come up with the most awesome prank on redneck bigots ever, right?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Sadly, Poe's Law cuts both ways.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    Caiden struggles with his choice to be heterosexual, daily.

    • Caiden, let me tell you what's going on. The only kind of person who thinks that you will choose to be gay if society tells you it's okay to be gay is somebody who is repressing his gay feelings. That argument doesn't make sense to anybody else. Obama can show up at his next press interview in a pink tutu and purple mascara and sing "On the Good Ship Lollipop," and I'm still not going to touch my finger to my chin and say, "Hm. Maybe I should spend more time thinking about sticking my dick in another man's asshole." It just doesn't work that way. At least, not when you're a heterosexual.

      That's what's going on.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Obama can show up at his next press interview in a pink tutu and purple mascara and sing "On the Good Ship Lollipop,"

        My screenplay!

        • flamingpdog

          Mmmmm, real Obama drama starring the Barry Fairy.

          • Lemme tellya, it'll sell, too.

      • bagofmice

        He's just young and unexposed to alternate ways of thinking. I grew up in a Christian cult and thought like this kid when I was a teen. Take him to a rave or concert in a real city, and when he sees his friends making out, the light will switch on. You can't make categorical judgements about your friends when you know they mean no harm.

      • That last sentence is fucking CRUCIAL, here.

  • Fairtackle

    That's nice there little fella. Now you just run along and come back when you have gotten to first base with a girl (or guy, or the family dog, whatever).

    • Dr_Zoidberg

      Pumpkins, empty paper towel rolls, etc.

      • Trees. Srsly.

        • Fare la Volpe

          Bubble jet in a hot tub.

          • Gerbils in a cardboard tube.

          • Fairtackle

            a hole in the ground.

          • Fare la Volpe

            "Feels just like an ass!"

          • bagofmice

            You're such a girl.

          • Fare la Volpe

            So's your mother.

  • glamourdammerung

    This is the most uncomfortable rant about conflicted feelings over ones sexual orientation that I have had the misfortune of being exposed to.

  • BarackMyWorld

    My hope is that he realizes the error of his ways and spends some future portion of his life making up for the damage he's trying to cause, but I'll settle for him soon developing a insatiable lust for cock.

    • Veritas78

      "Soon"? Like last night?

    • He probably *does* suffer from such a lust, which is why he feels obliged to inveigh against it.

      • tessiee

        Upfisted solely for your use of "inveigh".
        /word nerd/

    • bagofmice

      Given his spelling skills, that is a questionable assumption. However, miracles happen.

  • mavenmaven

    Mark Foley would like him to join his staff as a page.

    • also to enjoin his staff as a page.

    • Negropolis

      There are so many entendre in that that I nearly fainted.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Hello Cowger in the sticks
    Do you dream of sucking dicks?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      You, sir, are a God among mere mortals.

    • redarmyzombie

      Would you, could you in a box?
      Would you, could you with a fox?

      • tessiee

        If you haven't tried these things, you should.
        These things are fun, and fun is good.

    • What Lionel said. (laughs hysterically)

  • jgalleg4

    Being gay is not a choice, but being a bigoted little shit is.

  • lochnessmonster

    Glenn or Rush…who can tell?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Rush just wants to bully people into sucking his dick. Glenn believes if anyone sucks his dick, they will drain him of his essence.

      • In essence, he's correct. That's really all there is to him.

  • Poor little gay boy, repressing his own gayness by trying to degrade others for it.

    I wonder what his inner Gay Pride parade looks like.

    • Generation[redacted]

      It probably looks a lot like Patriot Depot.

  • Caiden Cowger? CAIDEN COWGER? Jeebus. Whatthefuck kinda demented fucking parents does this kid have, no wonder he's so messed up. I'm sure he just HAS to keep on droning just to keep his mind off that thick, pulsating, powerful, rock-hard, rigid, velvet-headed …

    and he can't even say "brb."

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Cowgers…

      • Generation[redacted]

        Cowgers are frequently secretly fond of each other.
        What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?

      • Caiden, though. I mean, we've HAD Jaden and Hayden, but CAIDEN? That's not even a real human name, let alone the kind of name you give a boy person. Someone named Caiden needs to write it in pink ink with a little heart dotting the "i," and curly scroll and flowers beneath.

        Caiden. And Cowger. The combination is an abomination.

  • BarackMyWorld

    At least you can say that since he's 14, his brain isn't fully developed yet. I don't know what the rest of talk radio's excuse is.

  • Troglodeity

    OK, no snark here: This is a 14-year-old boy who posted something ill-advised on YouTube. I think Wonkette should get rid of this story. And making fun of this boy's name also crosses the line. Sorry for being a killjoy, but I'm a parent and that's how I feel.

    • extreme_left

      meh..welcome to the brave new world, this fag posts about how much he can't stop thinking about cock then he will be exposed… too bad.

    • Crank_Tango

      Please, this kid is going to be a wingnut hero and you know it. Also, his name is terrible and he should learn a little something about getting mocked for something you have no control over, that's what middle school is all about.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        he should learn a little something about getting mocked for something you have no control over

        Crank, I love you, man, but you realize that this right here is the justification that bullies give for giving shit to gay kids, right?

        • Crank_Tango

          Right back atya doc–I am just saying I am not gonna feel bad for making fun of this kid's ridiculous name. They aren't even real words for chrissakes. It's like an ikea shelf or something. His parents gave it to him, and they are the ones who made him the asshole he is, so he can blame them for all of it.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Would your feel differently if he was going off about them letting black kids in his school?

    • Veritas78

      We're toughening him up! It's not like we pinned him down and cut his hair.

    • TootsStansbury

      I agree actually. He's 14 and an idiot but he's only a kid.

      • bagofmice

        Agree. He probably hasn't hit up a real city and made friends outside of his house(allowed social groups). Parents in cases like this are denying him access to the real world, and since he has no agency, being all of 14 years old and unable to drive, his brain is a piece of clay shaped by Limbaugh and his parents. You need to poke ideas into his awareness, and let him start seeing the dissonance between his conclusions and what he has been told.

        • Dr. Nick Riviera

          How do you on the one hand not damage this kid further and on the other hand try and heal all of the damage he is creating? Because as a kid that was picked on in HS, I can tell you that your own parents telling you "Well, little johnny just doesn't know any better" really doesn't do much to ease the pain.

          • bagofmice

            No. But as being that kid in H.S., I wrote terrible screeds on the Word 5 "message board" when I was in high school, because I was rural and sheltered. My Limbaugh loving trailer park living parents forbade me from secular media.

            The Internet broke that, but it took a few years. Scrub his brain with some 4chan and other pockets of vulgarity, and burst his virginity, he might get better.

    • flamingpdog

      I'm a parent, and if either of my sons had gone on the radio when they were 14 tossing out this kind of shit over the public airwaves, their computer privileges would have gone down the tubes until they turned 18 or they straightened (no pun intended, really) up their act. Sometimes shaming is the only way to make kids realize what assholes they're being. That's how I feel.

      • tessiee

        Granting that I was pretty much an idiot when I was 14 (I know, there's a shocker, right?)…

        If I'd gone on the radio making derogatory comments about, say for example, black people? My parents would have slapped the shit out of me, made me apologize to every black person I knew, and then grounded me for a month.

        The difference between me and this kid is that I'd bet ten dollars to a donut that his parents approved of his anti-gay rhetoric, and probably praised him for "standing up for his beliefs".

        Yes, Caiden is callow, ignorant, and has no experience of the world outside of his undoubtedly craphole home town in West Virginia (if there's someplace in West Virginia that's not a craphole, I've never heard of it). Yes, someone should make it clear to him in no uncertain terms, that he's being a hateful shithead, and this is not OK. But his parents need a foot in the ass as least as much as he does.

    • BarackMyWorld

      Oh, trust me, I've definitely been going easy on him.

    • Goonemeritus

      While your central point is laudable I must take issue with one of your points. This child didn’t post this screed out the blue without his guardian’s knowledge. That YouTube video was posted as a companion to his regular radio show. He has advertisers a set and derives an income from preaching intolerance and hate. He has been doing this for years and one must assume with his guardians approval. I am sure he thinks he is doing the Lords work but if you spend a few minutes on his web site I’m sure like me you would come to the conclusion that it is feeding his ego. By getting the negative reaction that this video provided him I think he will at least be exposed to the real world. I’m sure at this point his mind is made up and there are plenty of ways the extreme elements in society have of limiting their contact to just those that think like themselves. This time however he preached his hate in a true public square and he got shouted down, I say good on society.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      14 is old enough to know that the internets a bitch. And if he didn't know it before than we are teaching him a valuable life lesson.

  • Goonemeritus

    As a parent I have never been ok with giving up on a child. In this case I can wait the four years before I write him off as an irredeemable hate filled sociopath. Until that time in an effort to protect society the government should fence off an area to segregate these people and just airdrop in food.

    • finallyhappy

      yeah, because after he and some of his other shitty friends hurt someone and get arrested- he'll start his prison career with Aryan Nation

    • bagofmice

      He's operating off of the heuristics he has been inculculated with. As a 14 year old you don't have much agency to explore much beyond your neighborhood, although the Internet changes that a bit.

      My point is, if you take the kid out, show him new things, and react to his social programming with muted indifference, you plant seeds of doubt. Suddenly, seeing evidence to the contrary of his assumptions taught to him lead to a certain cognitive rebellion, and if teenagers are anything, they are rebellious.

      • Goonemeritus

        From your mouth to God’s ears but before you make bet I would visit his Web site

        • bagofmice

          Like I said, Christian cult. I grew up that way. I got better.

        • flamingpdog

          DUUUUDE, he's not a kid at all. He's 236 years old!!!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Unfortunately he didn't come up with this shit on his own — some parent or pastor or other influential adult is behind it, and put his horrible ideas and sense of purpose in his head. Whoever that jackass is would write him off if he didn't spew this hate-filled garbage.

  • Not_So_Much

    So, things got out of hand and he didn't know about safe words yet — is that about it?

  • HippieEsq

    Homophobia is SO GAY!

    • No truer word was ever spoken.

  • extreme_left

    man he sure seems to have spent a lot of time about all those guys being all up in other dudes arses, sickens him so much he jus canstop thinkin bout IT.

  • edgydrifter

    Caiden Cowger is his generation's Holden Caulfield.

    • alteredimages

      Close. He's his generation's Roy Cohn.

    • Callyson

      If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is when I knew I was gay, and what my lousy anti – gay brainwashing was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before I went on that camping trip with that boy WHICH WAS ONLY TO SHOW HIM PRECISELY WHY GOD DOES NOT WANT US TO BE GAY, and all that closet case kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

  • Callyson

    What is it with this crap about how liberals are preventing people from praying? I know I'm saying my prayers…that God finds a way to make this kid STFU and GTFO…

  • doloras

    The deeper question, though, is the fact that not only do wingnuts believe that school bullying is a good thing because it punishes homos and weirdos and makes them conform, but so do a disturbing number of people, even liberals. Case in point: the commentors here who suggest that various wingnuts "had no friends in school" or "were the recipient of so many wedgies", as if that was a good and deserved thing. How many of us really believe that bullying is a good thing, if meted out to "deserving targets"?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Are you suggesting that this whole conservative/liberal divide is a manufactured edifice of our two-party system which buries real issues under a smoke screen of us vs them, and when we snark mercilessly here, what we are really railing against is not our chosen opponents on the other side of this false dichotomy, but in fact the seemingly intractable darker angles of our own human nature?

      I guess what I'm trying to say is– buttsechs!

      • A matter effect, I think she is.

        • At least this week, it's not ass burgers.

      • Buttsechs is always good.

        • redarmyzombie

          Indeed. Ask your local republican.

    • That's an excellent question. Not me. Cruelty to anyone or thing sickens me as I grow older. Perhaps because I feel my life will soon be over, and I no longer feel it's right to shorten anyone else's in any way. I think I used to feel that way once, though. "It's OK to beat the shit out of someone whose ideas you dislike" is, however, different from "It's OK to be angry with people who actually harm you." I think you're not drawing that crucial distinction. What this kid is saying has the potential to cause harm. It may already have caused harm. To defenseless folks who have committed no crime. Saying a certain wingnut must have had daily swirlies, and even taking *joy* in it simply doesn't rise to the same level.

      • Negropolis

        "It's OK to beat the shit out of someone whose ideas you dislike" is, however, different from "It's OK to be angry with people who actually harm you." I think you're not drawing that crucial distinction.

        This one million times, and I hate the false equivalency, again.

    • tessiee

      "How many of us really believe that bullying is a good thing, if meted out to "deserving targets"?"

      Well, OK, it's a fair question.
      Is it still bullying if the target is truly a deserving one?
      For decades, we've all been suffering under the actions of bullies in powerful places (and it should be obvious that I don't mean little assholes like Caiden, who are basically like annoying insects; I mean people like Scott Walker, who cause real harm to real people) who make the rules to suit themselves (and even then, can't be bothered to follow them), who send poor kids off to wars for oil, who chip away at our jobs and our money and our social services and our Constitutional rights, etc. etc. — and who control the public discourse about it. The people who are supposed to be protecting us knuckle under, the bullies are never punished for their wrongdoing — hell, they're never even held accountable for it, as though it's some sort of faux pas to mention it — and the rest of us pick up what's left of our marbles and go home.

      I think it's a bit much to expect us to be good sports about the whole thing and tolerate our repeated ass-whippings with good grace, too.

      • doloras

        I was referring to schoolkids, in particular. For example, if a gang of robust liberal youths were to wedgie this fellow, shove him into the girl's locker room, draw pictures of penises all over his Bible, etc, would that be applauded by Wonketeers?

  • extreme_left

    oh I get it.. it's Obamas fault he can't stop thinking about it.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Can you blame him? Every time he closes his eyes, he sees a big black dick swinging in front of his face. It is enough to turn you totally gay.

      • extreme_left

        .. he is a dreamboat, those dark brown eyes, that coffee cut lilt and lucsious lips, ready for any adventure that may pop up.

  • jakegittes

    Methinks thith little fellow doth protetht too much.

    • Beowoof

      I have to agree, he looks to be the guy who will be getting picked on.

  • Antispandex

    Count down until this kid is fabulous….

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    First they came for the bullies, and I said nothing, because, for fuck's sake, they're bullies.

  • Fare la Volpe

    "It is getting to the point where I am criticized for speaking."

    Jesus fuck! A rich straight white male facing criticism?!

    …We're the real monsters here, you guys.

    • Obvy! Our mere *existence* is a blight upon their lives, poor things.

  • Callyson

    The schizo lady from Nebraska called–she wants to tell this guy that he is getting a little carried away…

  • Wonderthing

    Many a child in his innocence/
    pollutes the world with his flatulence.

    The End.

  • owhatever

    Kid is just begging for those photos his friend promised to keep secret to be posted on line. Begging for it. I served 149 years as a paratrooping special night warrior commando, and thrice won the Buttercup Medal for Latrine Sex Aboard Ship, to preserve his right to express his opinion.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    For some reason, this reminds me of the late 60s anti-smoking PSA on the teevee, "Like Father, Like Son" …

  • OneYieldRegular

    Call me optimistic, but I harbor a hope that this mixed up kid will heed Quentin Crisp's sage advice to leave home as soon as he's able, move as far away from home as possible, and never go back. I also hope that one day within the next 10 years he'll show up as the star attraction at the National Gay Rodeo proudly using the drag name Gayden Cowgirl.

  • Franknflower

    Awe, it closed before I could mock it.

    • Darthhippy

      I know right!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Do you know who will come out as a leather daddy in about 4 years?

    • Oh, girl. He's coming out as a leather SLAVE. I see bondage in this kid's future, bigtime.

      • tessiee

        Either way, I have a feeling that he'll get his money's worth out of those assless chaps.

        • Oh, youbetcha. That, and a rogering or two to remember.

  • bagofmice

    I look forward to Bayonetta 2: Cowgirl Gaiden.

  • flamingpdog

    Obama, Biden, Obama, Biden! Grow up, kid, we all know the real question here is, how does this affect Sarah Palin.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Then 1 started to put my videos on youtube and got 231 views!

    Then people heard about you and you got a lot more views, but the people were mean and said you were probably a closet-case. Then you thought things that were a bit fabulous and were very confused and bullied yourself into shutting down your youtube account.

    The end.

  • succalina

    "Rage, rage against the dying of the (homophobic) light"

    The Xtian/tea party backlash is hilarious. Talk about wrong side of history. Teh Ghey tipping point has arrived.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    At 14, I was just coming out of the two-year-long trauma that resulted from my "discovery" of masturbation. I certainly wasn't wasting any of my spare time in some pretend radio studio. I swear, I was worse than Alexander Portnoy. Maybe this kid will be okay once he hits puberty, but I doubt it.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      As I always say… everyone should have a hobby.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Now that you mention it, if I had a pretend radio studio, I probably wouldn't have gotten caught in the bedroom! Old gym socks are used in radio, right? Behind all that equipment?

    • I'm telling you. Breathes there a teenage boy with soul so dead that he prefers ANYthing to masturbating? Other than sex or porn, of course, but that often involves masturbating at that age.

    • tessiee

      "I was worse than Alexander Portnoy"

      People always think of this as a sex book, but I think of it mainly as one of the funniest books I've ever read. The part where he uses raw liver, and then says, melodramatically: "Now you know the worst thing I've ever done. I FUCKED MY OWN FAMILY'S DINNER!" still makes me laugh.

  • chascates

    Please, young pundit, how should we deal with uppity coloreds and women? Ropes for the blacks and barefoot and pregnant for the women? And should we go ahead and nuke Mecca and Medina right now, to make sure Jesus comes back before your voice breaks and you grow fuzz on your face?

    • My Dad would have said, "Son, wait until you grow one or two hairs on your arse before offering everybody else advice." Sound words for this young man to live by.

  • Generation[redacted]

    "A Matter Effect" – from Ray Bradbury's soon to be discovered collection of lost short stories.

  • Generation[redacted]

    I have no doubt the certificate says WV House of Deligates in big letters on top.

    • Fare la Volpe

      In crayon.

  • Tommmcattt

    How is it that this kid does not get a swirly daily? Where are the indian burn marks? Shouldn't he be off somewhere pulling his underwear out of his asscrack?

    Fair is fair, after all, and this kid is exibiting peak dweeb.

  • PubOption

    Homosecshul? Is that the Yiddish spelling?

  • Nopantsmcgee

    I don't know. Joffrey just looks better with blonde hair.


    I swear, how did this kid fly under the radar this long?

    EDIT: From his eulogy for Ghost Breitbart: "Mr.Breitbart was reported to have been going for a walk, but never returned. He had also been having heart trouble and it attacked him on the spot."

    In Soviet Los Angeles, heart attacks you!

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      His heart had a knife, you all saw it!

      • tessiee

        He shoulda stood his ground.

    • Srsly. If you were Andrew Breitbart's heart, the way he treated it? You'd kick him in the nuts, punch him in the stomach, stick both your fingers up his nose and pull it backwards, grab his forelock and smash his face into your knee, and then slap him unconscious.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    He looks like a young O'Keefe.

  • Tommmcattt

    Also: note the Rush Limbaugh cadence and diction. The turd blossom doesn't fall far from the bull.

  • His radio show is hysterical. He's got the conservative christian victimization shtick down pat. Still not as entertaining as Andwew the White Power kid, though.

  • Not watching this one, thanks. I already saw Deliverance.

  • Well, now the youtube account is closed, presumably because of the vicious bullying this poor child received, on account of his insanely unrepentant bigotry. I hope you're all happy, folks.

    Actually wait, no, what I meant to say is that I hope somebody had the good sense to mirror that video; I just got home, and I try not to watch hate at work, lest somebody get the wrong idea about me.

  • tessiee

    Is one of the Palin kids in the market for a boyfriend?

  • tbogg

    He closed his YouTube account. That is SO gay.

  • tessiee

    Country roads, take him home.

  • Editrix, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to write a synopsis of the comments in this and every other right-asshole YouTube video on Wonkette since if I clicked on more than a few of them it would kill me dead.

  • ding!! ding!! ding!!! your 15 minutes are up and your fb account is done.

  • DrunkIrishman

    It has been deleted. Poor guy now has to actually go interact in the real world with all the gays!!!

  • UW8316154

    "This video is no longer available because the uploader has closed their YouTube account."

    Someone must have cached it somewhere!

  • Fare la Volpe

    I won't believe it until we see his long form page certificate.

    What is he hiding!?

  • mileslarboy

    latent much?

  • Larry McAwful

    We had gays in my elementary school. I remember kids saying, "You're so gay!" to each other all the time. Funny how your gaydar seems to be better at that age.

  • bobloblawlawblg

    I seriously believe this whole thing boils down to this a-hole having no reading comprehension ability, then reading somewhere (a RedState comment?) that "he without sin [should] cast the first stone."

  • Anyone who thinks that homosexuality is a choice generally thinks so because they have 'chosen' to not be homosexual themselves. Non-self-hating gay people know how funny that is.

  • didgen

    I hope that this kid goes up to be human, but I don't think so.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Looks like he's deleted his YouTube account–a victim of Liberal Intolerance, no doubt– there's a copy here.

    Was the sick-making music in the original?

  • Negropolis

    Oh, damn. His youtube acccount has been closed.

    Poor kid. We think we know everything at 14, and we didn't know shit. I look back to when I was fourteen, and you couldn't have told me anything, and I was a relatively good kid.

    From his Facebook page:

    I am Christian, Pentecostal.

    Poor kid. Never had a chance. I really can't say anything bad about him; I blame the parents. Here's to hoping he's able to escape this.

    And, look at this picture on his Facebook page. So many inappropriate comments, too much conscience.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      "And, look at this picture on his Facebook page. So many inappropriate comments, too much conscience. "

      Is that Jerry Sandusky?

  • "I know scarry right?"

    • That will stick in my mind forever. Is it a cry for help, depicting this pathetically scarred young man's early trauma at the hands of his parents? His subconscious, phrasing what his conscious could not, pointing out his secret fear of rightwingnuts? An admission that he is drawn to the sexually louche?

      What does it MEAN?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        I'm guessing he was traumatized at an early age by the the House of Mistress Mouse and has never forgiven his Democrat mom.

        • Oh, dearest of Bielys! Oh, friend of friends!

          Thanks for the linky. His Democrat Mom, oy gevalt, oy vey is mir.

  • I'd love to see a panel discussion between him and Skoal Rebel (no offense, but the real Skoal Rebel). "Sorry — got yer shoe."

  • Buckminster

    Sometimes people get above thare raisins, which is what I suspec, in this case. Somebody go fix his mom so she don't have no more inferior pups.

  • Buckminster

    Oh, we have a new nonsense in Montana today, news fans.

    Brave teens in the Flathead (red state country) are in trouble over their pro-gay marriage shirts in school. Meanwhile, some Great Falls teens are calling foul over the banning of camouflage clothing in school, because it has been connected with hazing. Discuss?

  • Negropolis

    BTW, I've seen just a handful of "Leave Caiden Alone!" comments on here, which is heartening, but for those who still don't get it: refusing to tolerate intolerance is not, itself, intolerance. To say that there is no legitimate criticism of something put out on the airwaves is worrisome to say the least. I personally can't muster much snark for this, but if someone can, more power to them. I'm just tired of inappropriate liberal concern-trolling; it allows things to fester that should have never been left to infection. We've been negligent in stopping fires before they roar out of control because of some warped view of decency.

    • I do want to clarify, lest anyone run afowl of Internet Sarcasm, that my "I hope you are all happy" was intended completely in jest. I know we are all happy, and I'm perfectly willing to contend that 14 is of an age where folks start being responsible for their own bigotries, especially if they choose to disseminate them publicly.

      • Negropolis

        You weren't even close to the people I wanted to address. lol Don't worry.

  • flamingpdog

    The little douchebag is on the air right now.

  • ElPinche

    This is why I love abortion and fetal experiments.

  • I'm sure Caiden's parents are very proud. And Klan members.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You know who else was from West Virginia and belonged to the KKK?

  • Arishii

    @ 2:16 – "I find that to be a big problem, with not being allowed to convert other people to my religion."

  • BaldarTFlagass

    No doubt his mother also helped him cultivate his self of steam.

    • reliefsinn

      That comment is worthy of the Pullet Surprise.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Jesus, poor kid. I can only imagine the parents that he grew up with. Hopefully he'll have a chance to branch out and learn a little compassion (if he ever escapes from home).

  • BenGleck

    I think he pretests too much. He's probably closeted and terrified.

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