BLESS HIS HEART  6:00 pm June 6, 2012

Hero Teen Radio Host Demands Obama Defend His Right To Bully Gay Teens

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Here is a nice 14-year-old West Virginian preparing to be the next Glenn Beck and/or Pope, by telling his radio listeners for his radio program that homosexuals are “sickening.” But not just, like a little sickening, like a sort of gut ache from too many hot dogs, no, it is SICKENING in all capitals, because buttsex (and Hell). “You know what? I knew these kids! SOME of ‘em I was friends with!” says the boy, about their choice to be homosecshul. (He could tell they chose to be homosecshuls because they were not homosecshuls in elementary school. Q.E.Duh!)

Anyway, the rest of it is all this pompous young man droning on in his best brow-furrowed style about how Barack Obama and Joe Biden are making kids be gay, and homosexuals are the real bullies for making fun of his friends just because they try to save the homosexuals from hell. But honestly, you know the only reason he is all hung up on this is because his name is Caiden Cowger, and you know everybody called him “Gayden Cowgirl.” Poor kid. Let’s be extry gentle in the comments, unless you don’t want to, fuck it.

[ThinkProgress]

 
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{ 343 comments }

Extemporanus June 6, 2012 at 6:02 pm

He has a cock for radio.

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Koch?

Extemporanus June 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Speaking of which:

Mumblety, kindly tell that cock Radio that his old Ex misses him and sends his very best.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

From your post here, to screen-shot printout, via the able-bodied if chronically challenged efforts of our gallant U.S. postal servicemen and -ladies, it will reach him!

FYI Wonketteers — since Extemp has now nudged me toward the opportunity I'm lately too conflabberdaddled to remember to mention — our fellow comrade-in-snark Radiotherapy is staying in touch with me by letter, is taking a break from internet communications while he works on rehab, posted earlier as he checked out of here and checked in elsewhere.
Point being — other than his sending virtual abrasos y besos in your general direction — I asked him to change his settings for email notification of intensedebate activity, since he has internet-access long enough most days for email reading but not much more. What that means is, if you wish to leave him a humble greeting of the well-wishing type, you are welcome to put a Reply to whichever of his old comments you so choose. He may not reply back but it will be within his line of vision!

Extemporanus June 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Thank you (for this and the other day).

Barb June 6, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Ex, you have a follower, "Lube" with 2 comments and a dismal p-point rating. They've changed their name to "LubeBarb" and their profile takes you to the Patriot Depot site where Brietbart tschotskies are sold, lol!

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Thanks! I have been in a few/many rehabs (well, cheap, state run detoxes), so I know the drill, and my heart goes out to him. The good news is, this is the beginning of a new, better life for him, in ways he can't yet imagine. I've forwarded my email to Rebecca, in case she can forward it to him, should he wish to use it.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Thanks, M, you're a champ.

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

It ain't easy, I've been through it myself…and came out the other side. It was 25 years ago. I still recall it was one of the hardest things I've done, but one that I am most grateful for having done.

Barb June 6, 2012 at 11:05 pm

U, congratulations on your turnaround and your continued success.

Barb June 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm

You don't "turn into a homosexual" You are born that way, just like this kid was born a miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit.

His mother should be slapped like a conceding politician in Wisconsin, and his father should be kicked in his testicle balls.

HippieEsq June 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Or…I humbly suggest that his mother should be slapped and his dad junk-stomped because of THEIR choice to teach this kid how to be a miserable, intolerant, idiotic lousy piece of shit!

CommieLibunatic June 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Whatever, as long as there is the stomping of reproductive organs.

Uh oh, commenting guidelines. Uh…

Stomping of reproductive organs WITH VOTES!!

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm

The best outcome I can see coming from this is the kid will be baffled by most people's responses and, as a result, start to question the bullshit that has been taught to him by the adults in his life.
Worst outcome is he'll just become like them.

vodkamuppet June 6, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Whoa, an optimist. How did you find wonkette?

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Optimist…or someone who is well into Happy Hour…

vodkamuppet June 6, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Not the same! I wasn't born a "miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit", social conditioning played a part. Black & Decker made attachments in those days when I was growing up and they were called Uncle Ron, broken down Cheveys, PBR and my mother hating my fathers siblings. Get your facts straight Barb!

Barb June 6, 2012 at 11:07 pm

Vodka, you both scare and fascinate me, lol.

vodkamuppet June 7, 2012 at 12:59 am

Im a riddle wrapped in a sexy McNigma Barb. I don't even know what the hell im saying most of the time.

Barb June 7, 2012 at 1:47 am

I'm McLoving it!

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:33 pm

"this kid was born a miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit."

Sorry, not prepared to agree — or not entirely, anyway.
He may have been *born* the product of sibling incest — and being idiotic is almost a requirement for being fourteen or so — but someone *raised* him to be an intolerant, boorish, lousy piece of shit.

MissNancyPriss June 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Except that tis kid wasn't born a miserable, intolerant, boorish, etc., etc..

Mittens Howell, III June 6, 2012 at 6:04 pm

What a weirdo. When I was 14, I got busy barfing all over my dad's liquor cabinet, not hosting some namby-pamby radio entertainment show.

Dr_Zoidberg June 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Yeah, radio is for queers and such!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Oh, I'm sure that's exactly why this young man is all up in arms (whose? He wishes!) about How Mow Sex Yoo Ell Itty. He wishes he could have some. I can't wait till he is outed on some porn Web site.

redarmyzombie June 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

Searching the Livestreams is 3,2…

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Be sure to post any results!

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Carrying luggage for a republican, no doubt.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

Or junk.

ibwilliamsi June 6, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Only talk radio.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I was playing Dungeons & Dragons, so I'm not one to judge.

edgydrifter June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

I still play D&D and I'm on the radio, so I must be gay as fuck.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Sure sounds like it. Do you have a dog, too?

edgydrifter June 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Holy crap–I DO!!

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Wait a minute, I thought teh gheys had kitties, not doggies. And someone told me that everyone with a kitty cat avatar at teh Wonkette was gay. Well, except for Barb, anyway. And maybe that housekeeper she's talking about hiring, you never know.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Party at your place!

Seriously, I would totally jam with you for that.

redarmyzombie June 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Seconded. There should totally be more D&D campaigns over the radio.

ibwilliamsi June 6, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Fer shur. Don't forget stealing cigarette butts out of the ashtray.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:34 pm

"When I was 14, I got busy barfing all over my dad's liquor cabinet, not hosting some namby-pamby radio entertainment show."

Oh, I get it.
One of the POPULAR kids!

timbo71351 June 7, 2012 at 10:58 am

When I was 14, I got busy looking at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and mastrubating like a spider monkey on crystal meth.

Dr_Zoidberg June 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Reverse Cowgirl is his sister.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Her name is Regina, thank you.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Perverse Cowgirl is his mother/aunt/sister.
ftfy

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 6:05 pm

You just know he's trying real hard to "choose" to be heterosexual.

Dr_Zoidberg June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Swing and a miss, if you ask me.

scvirginia June 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

Yes, because how else would he KNOW it's Obama making the boyz choose to be queer?

GhostBuggy June 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I'm sure that when it's hard to make the choice – when that gay kid from "Glee" is on the teevee, for example – he does his best to fap the gay right out.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

That's why he's phrasing it as an issue of CHOICE.

Who the FUCK would CHOOSE to be a member of a persecuted minority that risks physical violence, hatred, bullying, fines, imprisonment, beatings, public humiliation and scorn, and DEATH just for the crime of loving somebody else? WHO?

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

The buttsecks makes it all worth it.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Barely.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Sorry, Fare. I did not mean to be glib.

Crank_Tango June 6, 2012 at 7:20 pm

I think their rationale is we are all born craving cock and only some actually choose to act upon it?

teh straightness, you're doing it wrong.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 7:31 pm

I remember thinking it was odd when one of those preachers got caught with a male hooker and claimed he's not gay, he just gave into temptation.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Srsly. That is probably just fucking right. They see gay folks as too weak to resist that terrible craving for the genitalia of people of their own gender that they struggle against daily.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

I did it to get 10% off a Subaru!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Nobody EVER offers ME no fucking incentives. Other people got small appliances and stuff too.

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Small appliances…like vibrators!

fartknocker June 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Wow, he'll be missing out on a lot of sexual fun. Also, he may meet some women who wear Redwing boots, have short hair, and could toss his ass around all day long.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

"Dyke chic" was a big thing back in the '90s, to the chagrin of many dykes who would hit up on these very straight girls who just wanted a man who appreciated a woman with a little, you know, muscle and power and not-girly style.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Ach, I remember those days well; "coming of age", as it were, during those years, I'm pretty sure permanently calibrated my preference in women towards the short-haired, less-feminine sorts.

On a related note, I either have incredibly good les-dar, or really crap les-dar, depending on how one decides to count such things.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

When I "came out", I was still living in small town Appalachia. Lotsa Appalachia straight women had mullets or short hair, didn't wear make-up or jewelry. Hell, they even drove pick-ups. You couldn't pick out the dykes from the straight gals.
So my les-dar was awful.
But the gay boys, though? No mistakin' them for straight Appalachian boys.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 6, 2012 at 7:40 pm

Yeah, I've just come to accept that if I'm instantly smitten with a girl, she is probably gay, or at least queer. Inconvenient as a straight cis male, but it's proven reliably true. To the point of being uncanny, even. Well, my current lady could possibly be straight, actually, but she's also still super-butch.

Honestly, Appalachian gay guys have always given me more trouble; I can't tell an Appalachian accent from a lot of the vocal 'tells', so I ended up coding a few of my friends as "just skinny and from Arkansas" before they came out.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

I dunno, some of the guys these days, you think they're gay and it turns out they're pretty straight but flattered. Which is much nicer than the old days when they might just kill you for trying.

Swampgas_Man June 6, 2012 at 7:45 pm

My high-school years were spent ogling the very physically fit, short-haired girls on the basketball team, so I feel your pain.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

I have a word for guys who are attracted to butch women: DykeTykes. Just like faghags, only kinder, I think.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

The nineties were an extremely confusing time for me. This did not help.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

(Pats BSD's back) There, there. You made it through, that's what counts.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Barb, I'm pretty sure that being a miserable, intolerant, boorish, idiotic, lousy piece of shit is a lifestyle choice. (My job, at the end of the day, depends on it.)

Also, OT, having fun with the Patriot Depot site.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Comments are open!

GhostBuggy June 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

That was fun!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

OT: Biely, you little devil! Well done! I put my two cents in as well.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

T – shirts:

American Live
Anti – Obama
Big & Tall
Don't Tread on Me
Famous Quotes
Humor
Patriotic
Pro – Gun
Women

What, no "Christian Nation," "Free Enterprise," or "Heterosexual Rights" T – shirts? They're getting soft over there…

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Oh Jesus, this is addictive…one of the bumper stickers:

There's a Herman Cain Coming in 2012!

Scary thing is, they are probably completely oblivious about the irony there…

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

WHOREBLOG!

Zango Crudmonger June 6, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Wow, are you the first to catch the Assassin's Creed knock off? If so, cheers. If not, well, cheers anyways.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Wish I could take credit for the find. Props go to a poster on Mock, Paper, Scissors.

PNW_Kurt is the Wonker who found that link.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 7, 2012 at 10:09 am

Biel_ze, this totally needs to be a post of its own…have you sent a tip to Our Editrix? If you don't want to write it up and submit it, I'd be happy to, with full credit to you, PNW_Kurt, and the Mock Paper Scissors guy of course.

redarmyzombie June 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Biel_ze, that was wonderful…

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Biely sure knows how to stick it to evildoers.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

I take pride in my profession.

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 12:01 am

Deservedly!

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

why did you make me go to that place?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Because THIS Is The Wonketz!

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"We should all emulate the moxie Andrew perfected"

PHHHHAWWW HAW HAW!!
"Moxie"??
What the fuck is this, 1890?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:32 pm

Wingnuttia. Same thing.

jetjaguar June 6, 2012 at 10:23 pm

wow, great job

I just sent IGN a little tip. Lets see what happens.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 7, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Those bastards deleted our comments!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Hah! Perhaps they don't like seeing their hero BrightFart being laughed at.

More likely, they don't want the rubes to know that the $4,000 piece of shit BlightArt costs less than $100 to mass-produce.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm

I commented on some of their other fine products. They don't seem to have found those yet.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 7, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Those damned goobers cost me over 30 p-ness upfists, along with deleting a lovingly-crafted and potentially classic post. (Sadlly, they got it before Teh Googlz had a chance to archive it.)
I slipped a few more comments onto the BlightArt page, just out of spite. I'm sure we gave them the most commenting action they've ever seen, or ever will — in fact, I'd bet it was the surge in traffic that caught their attention.

neiltheblaze June 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

That little punk would have been prime punching bait at my junior high, which was an urban stalag. He'd learn how to ride a punch.

Jadetiger79 June 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Oh Kirk Cameron, now look what you've done!

Mittens Howell, III June 6, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Sometimes, it gets worse.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

It will, for him. The tide has turned, the pendulum has swung the other way, and his parents' world, in which such sentiments were not just acceptable but praiseworthy is dying away. He will increasingly struggle to stay relevant in a world which has passed him by.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Thanks. Now I almost feel bad for him.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Don't. He chose to be a homophobic, hateful piece of shit.

HistoriBarb June 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Maybe he will see the error of his ways.
” You may say I'm a dreamer…”

Schmannnity June 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

He could use some gay fashion help.

ManchuCandidate June 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Knowing kids like this when I was a teenager and what they grew up into, all I can say is that the future won't be kind to Caiden (are you sure his mommy wanted a girl?)

pdiddycornchips June 7, 2012 at 11:36 am

Caiden will outgrow this stage in his life soon enough. Then, it's a life of crawlin' around the coal mine and sexually abusing his 13 year old cousin. Just like his daddy and his daddy's daddy before him.

CrunchyKnee June 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

SkoalRebel wept.

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 9:53 pm

/ spit /

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

We should hook him up with that wacist kid, so they can dance to Lady Gaga in the cwoset.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Dat was weiwd.

Mittens Howell, III June 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Scwew those wascally wacists!

fartknocker June 6, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Click on his Facebook page. He writes like a Teatard, complete with misspellings.
http://www.facebook.com/younginbroadcasting/info

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

OMG, that shit's fucking hilarious!

"I can make deside my own beliefs. A matter effect my mom was a democrat! I know scarry right?"

Followed by:

"And before you liberals ask, I wrote this my self."

That kid is just cold fucking his own skull.

redarmyzombie June 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Chainsaw not required…

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I will say that I was much better speller than him when I was his age.
What's his spelling gonna look like in 20 years?
I'm guessing he's hoomskolled?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Poralbly.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 11, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Christ, my daughter was vastly better than that at half his age. I'm starting to think that this kid may be "special".

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 12:20 am

Hell, the Democrats are often times more conservatives than the Republicans in West Virginia. At least, that's how it used to be in that area of the country.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

I make up my own mind. People don't do that for me. I can make deside my own beliefs. A matter effect my mom was a democrat! I know scarry right?

Um, yes, Caiden, your inability to compose a coherent sentence *is* scary…

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Dear jeebus, just listen to this: "Just because your young doesn't mean you're a brainless zombie! Some kids care too. I focus my life on real things like politics, not a stupid VIRTUAL video game. That is not going to get you any where in life."

Those last two sentences came from an adult. Kids don't think like that because they don't really have the capacity to. As for the rest of it, the irony is rich. RICH!

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Mommy said "Read this into the microphone honey…"

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Pentecostal. What a fucking surprise.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

I think that you mean that he writes like a fourteen year old boy. lol

Monsieur_Grumpe June 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Hey kid. Eat shit and bark at the moon.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:47 pm

He did.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

I wish video would kill this kid.

Mittens Howell, III June 6, 2012 at 7:03 pm

In my mind in Virginia, we can't rewind we've gone to far

Oh-a-aho oh

BloviateMe June 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

The reason he KNEW those awful boys were gay was because they had boners when he was butt-fucking them, which absolutely sickened him.

Wile E. Quixote June 6, 2012 at 9:41 pm

Plus their dicks tasted like shit when he was sucking them off.

Estproph June 6, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Dem dere queers is sickenin! Dey won get near pickin up no snakes, or drink da arsenic!

Schmannnity June 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I think he needs some Ketchup Council mellowing agents.

Mittens Howell, III June 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

He reminds me of Rush Limbaugh, except younger, and gayer.

glamourdammerung June 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I would have went with younger and possibly not as drug-addled.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

Paint fumes are still a drug.

BarackMyWorld June 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Also thinner and no ex-wives, so there's that…

Not_So_Much June 6, 2012 at 6:27 pm

His sister isn't of marrying age yet?

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

I *knew* Rushbo had to have a bastard child out there somewhere…

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

You can get 12 year-old Dominican boys preggers?

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Touche…

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

More upfists than exist in all the universes, dude.

bumfug June 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Sickening! The kid's stomach turns at the very thought of another man's throbbing loins pressed tightly, oh so tightly, against his own. His lip quivers with disgust imagining the feel of taut buttocks as his fingers glide over them…

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Two minds with but one thought. Which was all I had room for anyway.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Sigh… I'll be in my bunk.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

So now mega-douchebag Limbaugh is a role model? I hope this is just a phase the kid's going through – sort of like getting pierced and tatted and wearing a neon-purple mohawk. (Admittedly, this is much uglier, but –unless he gets his ass stomped– at least it won't leave any marks.)

hagajim June 6, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Poor Maiden Cowturd….all them kidz making fun of his ghey name and all. Maybe Craven Fuckturd ought to change his stupid name to Sam or George or even Steve. Whatever his name, he still needs teepee for his bunghole.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Whatever his name, he still needs ^^a^^ teepee for his bunghole.

You know, to accommodate all the boys who might be lining up for a go.

An_Outhouse June 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

"I knew what this guy stood for abortion, mandatory healthcare, higher taxes. How could America do that? "

Mandatory health care? What a travesty!!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I demand my Constitushunal right to die of a perfectly treatable condition.

On second thought, I demand that teabaggers be given their Constitushunal right to die of a perfectly treatable condition.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Really. Let's get that correct.

Schmannnity June 6, 2012 at 6:15 pm

He must be gay. After all, he's 14 and from West Virginia and not even married.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

None of his cousins are 12 yet.

Veritas78 June 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Cousins? You must be thinking Kentucky. This is West Virginia, where siblings are fair game once the belly button done be tied off.

"If the cradle's a'rockin, don't come a'knockin!"

DrunkIrishman June 6, 2012 at 6:16 pm

This guy is gayer than Elton John in a bathhouse.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 6:17 pm

"And why [we]'re becominghomosexuals bigots, why [we]'re becoming gay pricks, is [we]'re encouraged by it!"

Fixed.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm

Pretty good job, Mumblety.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 11:18 pm

*encouraged by it others to do it" [?]

GAAH, I think the end of his remark went differently. Too late to go back and check now!

Wanted you to know I had seen your reply last week… It was appreciated; the greeting will mean a lot to Radio-dood and I'll pass it along~

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

Thank you so much. He disappeared while I was out of town, and things were confused for a bit there, and I;ve only just pieced together that he was even gone and not away on vacation, like some of us have been of late.

GhostBuggy June 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

This is a joke, right? This kid's come up with the most awesome prank on redneck bigots ever, right?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 10, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Sadly, Poe's Law cuts both ways.

SheriffRoscoe June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Caiden struggles with his choice to be heterosexual, daily.

MaxUdargo June 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Caiden, let me tell you what's going on. The only kind of person who thinks that you will choose to be gay if society tells you it's okay to be gay is somebody who is repressing his gay feelings. That argument doesn't make sense to anybody else. Obama can show up at his next press interview in a pink tutu and purple mascara and sing "On the Good Ship Lollipop," and I'm still not going to touch my finger to my chin and say, "Hm. Maybe I should spend more time thinking about sticking my dick in another man's asshole." It just doesn't work that way. At least, not when you're a heterosexual.

That's what's going on.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Obama can show up at his next press interview in a pink tutu and purple mascara and sing "On the Good Ship Lollipop,"

My screenplay!

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Mmmmm, real Obama drama starring the Barry Fairy.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Lemme tellya, it'll sell, too.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 8:10 pm

He's just young and unexposed to alternate ways of thinking. I grew up in a Christian cult and thought like this kid when I was a teen. Take him to a rave or concert in a real city, and when he sees his friends making out, the light will switch on. You can't make categorical judgements about your friends when you know they mean no harm.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:27 pm

That last sentence is fucking CRUCIAL, here.

Fairtackle June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

That's nice there little fella. Now you just run along and come back when you have gotten to first base with a girl (or guy, or the family dog, whatever).

Dr_Zoidberg June 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Pumpkins, empty paper towel rolls, etc.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Trees. Srsly.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Bubble jet in a hot tub.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Gerbils in a cardboard tube.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 8:14 pm

You're such a girl.

glamourdammerung June 6, 2012 at 6:20 pm

This is the most uncomfortable rant about conflicted feelings over ones sexual orientation that I have had the misfortune of being exposed to.

BarackMyWorld June 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

My hope is that he realizes the error of his ways and spends some future portion of his life making up for the damage he's trying to cause, but I'll settle for him soon developing a insatiable lust for cock.

Veritas78 June 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

"Soon"? Like last night?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

He probably *does* suffer from such a lust, which is why he feels obliged to inveigh against it.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Upfisted solely for your use of "inveigh".
/word nerd/

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:50 pm

TY!

/fellow word nerd/

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Given his spelling skills, that is a questionable assumption. However, miracles happen.

mavenmaven June 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Mark Foley would like him to join his staff as a page.

iburl June 6, 2012 at 6:54 pm

also to enjoin his staff as a page.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

There are so many entendre in that that I nearly fainted.

SayItWithWookies June 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Hello Cowger in the sticks
Do you dream of sucking dicks?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

You, sir, are a God among mere mortals.

redarmyzombie June 6, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Would you, could you in a box?
Would you, could you with a fox?

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

If you haven't tried these things, you should.
These things are fun, and fun is good.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

What Lionel said. (laughs hysterically)

jgalleg4 June 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Being gay is not a choice, but being a bigoted little shit is.

lochnessmonster June 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Glenn or Rush…who can tell?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Rush just wants to bully people into sucking his dick. Glenn believes if anyone sucks his dick, they will drain him of his essence.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:30 pm

In essence, he's correct. That's really all there is to him.

Joshua Norton June 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Poor little gay boy, repressing his own gayness by trying to degrade others for it.

I wonder what his inner Gay Pride parade looks like.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

It probably looks a lot like Patriot Depot.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Caiden Cowger? CAIDEN COWGER? Jeebus. Whatthefuck kinda demented fucking parents does this kid have, no wonder he's so messed up. I'm sure he just HAS to keep on droning just to keep his mind off that thick, pulsating, powerful, rock-hard, rigid, velvet-headed …

and he can't even say "brb."

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Cowgers…

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Cowgers are frequently secretly fond of each other.
What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Caiden, though. I mean, we've HAD Jaden and Hayden, but CAIDEN? That's not even a real human name, let alone the kind of name you give a boy person. Someone named Caiden needs to write it in pink ink with a little heart dotting the "i," and curly scroll and flowers beneath.

Caiden. And Cowger. The combination is an abomination.

BarackMyWorld June 6, 2012 at 6:25 pm

At least you can say that since he's 14, his brain isn't fully developed yet. I don't know what the rest of talk radio's excuse is.

Troglodeity June 6, 2012 at 6:26 pm

OK, no snark here: This is a 14-year-old boy who posted something ill-advised on YouTube. I think Wonkette should get rid of this story. And making fun of this boy's name also crosses the line. Sorry for being a killjoy, but I'm a parent and that's how I feel.

extreme_left June 6, 2012 at 6:32 pm

meh..welcome to the brave new world, this fag posts about how much he can't stop thinking about cock then he will be exposed… too bad.

Crank_Tango June 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Please, this kid is going to be a wingnut hero and you know it. Also, his name is terrible and he should learn a little something about getting mocked for something you have no control over, that's what middle school is all about.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 6:44 pm

he should learn a little something about getting mocked for something you have no control over

Crank, I love you, man, but you realize that this right here is the justification that bullies give for giving shit to gay kids, right?

Crank_Tango June 6, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Right back atya doc–I am just saying I am not gonna feel bad for making fun of this kid's ridiculous name. They aren't even real words for chrissakes. It's like an ikea shelf or something. His parents gave it to him, and they are the ones who made him the asshole he is, so he can blame them for all of it.

ChernobylSoup June 6, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Would your feel differently if he was going off about them letting black kids in his school?

Veritas78 June 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

We're toughening him up! It's not like we pinned him down and cut his hair.

TootsStansbury June 6, 2012 at 7:01 pm

I agree actually. He's 14 and an idiot but he's only a kid.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Agree. He probably hasn't hit up a real city and made friends outside of his house(allowed social groups). Parents in cases like this are denying him access to the real world, and since he has no agency, being all of 14 years old and unable to drive, his brain is a piece of clay shaped by Limbaugh and his parents. You need to poke ideas into his awareness, and let him start seeing the dissonance between his conclusions and what he has been told.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 6, 2012 at 8:50 pm

How do you on the one hand not damage this kid further and on the other hand try and heal all of the damage he is creating? Because as a kid that was picked on in HS, I can tell you that your own parents telling you "Well, little johnny just doesn't know any better" really doesn't do much to ease the pain.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 9:51 pm

No. But as being that kid in H.S., I wrote terrible screeds on the Word 5 "message board" when I was in high school, because I was rural and sheltered. My Limbaugh loving trailer park living parents forbade me from secular media.

The Internet broke that, but it took a few years. Scrub his brain with some 4chan and other pockets of vulgarity, and burst his virginity, he might get better.

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 7:05 pm

I'm a parent, and if either of my sons had gone on the radio when they were 14 tossing out this kind of shit over the public airwaves, their computer privileges would have gone down the tubes until they turned 18 or they straightened (no pun intended, really) up their act. Sometimes shaming is the only way to make kids realize what assholes they're being. That's how I feel.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Granting that I was pretty much an idiot when I was 14 (I know, there's a shocker, right?)…

If I'd gone on the radio making derogatory comments about, say for example, black people? My parents would have slapped the shit out of me, made me apologize to every black person I knew, and then grounded me for a month.

The difference between me and this kid is that I'd bet ten dollars to a donut that his parents approved of his anti-gay rhetoric, and probably praised him for "standing up for his beliefs".

Yes, Caiden is callow, ignorant, and has no experience of the world outside of his undoubtedly craphole home town in West Virginia (if there's someplace in West Virginia that's not a craphole, I've never heard of it). Yes, someone should make it clear to him in no uncertain terms, that he's being a hateful shithead, and this is not OK. But his parents need a foot in the ass as least as much as he does.

BarackMyWorld June 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Oh, trust me, I've definitely been going easy on him.

Goonemeritus June 6, 2012 at 9:02 pm

While your central point is laudable I must take issue with one of your points. This child didn’t post this screed out the blue without his guardian’s knowledge. That YouTube video was posted as a companion to his regular radio show. He has advertisers a set and derives an income from preaching intolerance and hate. He has been doing this for years and one must assume with his guardians approval. I am sure he thinks he is doing the Lords work but if you spend a few minutes on his web site I’m sure like me you would come to the conclusion that it is feeding his ego. By getting the negative reaction that this video provided him I think he will at least be exposed to the real world. I’m sure at this point his mind is made up and there are plenty of ways the extreme elements in society have of limiting their contact to just those that think like themselves. This time however he preached his hate in a true public square and he got shouted down, I say good on society.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 9:09 pm

14 is old enough to know that the internets a bitch. And if he didn't know it before than we are teaching him a valuable life lesson.

Goonemeritus June 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

As a parent I have never been ok with giving up on a child. In this case I can wait the four years before I write him off as an irredeemable hate filled sociopath. Until that time in an effort to protect society the government should fence off an area to segregate these people and just airdrop in food.

finallyhappy June 6, 2012 at 6:59 pm

yeah, because after he and some of his other shitty friends hurt someone and get arrested- he'll start his prison career with Aryan Nation

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm

He's operating off of the heuristics he has been inculculated with. As a 14 year old you don't have much agency to explore much beyond your neighborhood, although the Internet changes that a bit.

My point is, if you take the kid out, show him new things, and react to his social programming with muted indifference, you plant seeds of doubt. Suddenly, seeing evidence to the contrary of his assumptions taught to him lead to a certain cognitive rebellion, and if teenagers are anything, they are rebellious.

Goonemeritus June 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

From your mouth to God’s ears but before you make bet I would visit his Web site http://www.caidencowgerprogram.com/

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Like I said, Christian cult. I grew up that way. I got better.

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 12:55 am

DUUUUDE, he's not a kid at all. He's 236 years old!!!

SayItWithWookies June 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Unfortunately he didn't come up with this shit on his own — some parent or pastor or other influential adult is behind it, and put his horrible ideas and sense of purpose in his head. Whoever that jackass is would write him off if he didn't spew this hate-filled garbage.

Not_So_Much June 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

So, things got out of hand and he didn't know about safe words yet — is that about it?

HippieEsq June 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Homophobia is SO GAY!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm

No truer word was ever spoken.

extreme_left June 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

man he sure seems to have spent a lot of time about all those guys being all up in other dudes arses, sickens him so much he jus canstop thinkin bout IT.

edgydrifter June 6, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Caiden Cowger is his generation's Holden Caulfield.

alteredimages June 6, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Close. He's his generation's Roy Cohn.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 7:57 pm

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is when I knew I was gay, and what my lousy anti – gay brainwashing was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before I went on that camping trip with that boy WHICH WAS ONLY TO SHOW HIM PRECISELY WHY GOD DOES NOT WANT US TO BE GAY, and all that closet case kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 6:31 pm

What is it with this crap about how liberals are preventing people from praying? I know I'm saying my prayers…that God finds a way to make this kid STFU and GTFO…

doloras June 6, 2012 at 6:35 pm

The deeper question, though, is the fact that not only do wingnuts believe that school bullying is a good thing because it punishes homos and weirdos and makes them conform, but so do a disturbing number of people, even liberals. Case in point: the commentors here who suggest that various wingnuts "had no friends in school" or "were the recipient of so many wedgies", as if that was a good and deserved thing. How many of us really believe that bullying is a good thing, if meted out to "deserving targets"?

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 7:09 pm

Are you suggesting that this whole conservative/liberal divide is a manufactured edifice of our two-party system which buries real issues under a smoke screen of us vs them, and when we snark mercilessly here, what we are really railing against is not our chosen opponents on the other side of this false dichotomy, but in fact the seemingly intractable darker angles of our own human nature?

I guess what I'm trying to say is– buttsechs!

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

A matter effect, I think she is.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

At least this week, it's not ass burgers.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Buttsechs is always good.

redarmyzombie June 6, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Indeed. Ask your local republican.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

That's an excellent question. Not me. Cruelty to anyone or thing sickens me as I grow older. Perhaps because I feel my life will soon be over, and I no longer feel it's right to shorten anyone else's in any way. I think I used to feel that way once, though. "It's OK to beat the shit out of someone whose ideas you dislike" is, however, different from "It's OK to be angry with people who actually harm you." I think you're not drawing that crucial distinction. What this kid is saying has the potential to cause harm. It may already have caused harm. To defenseless folks who have committed no crime. Saying a certain wingnut must have had daily swirlies, and even taking *joy* in it simply doesn't rise to the same level.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 12:40 am

"It's OK to beat the shit out of someone whose ideas you dislike" is, however, different from "It's OK to be angry with people who actually harm you." I think you're not drawing that crucial distinction.

This one million times, and I hate the false equivalency, again.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

"How many of us really believe that bullying is a good thing, if meted out to "deserving targets"?"

Well, OK, it's a fair question.
Is it still bullying if the target is truly a deserving one?
For decades, we've all been suffering under the actions of bullies in powerful places (and it should be obvious that I don't mean little assholes like Caiden, who are basically like annoying insects; I mean people like Scott Walker, who cause real harm to real people) who make the rules to suit themselves (and even then, can't be bothered to follow them), who send poor kids off to wars for oil, who chip away at our jobs and our money and our social services and our Constitutional rights, etc. etc. — and who control the public discourse about it. The people who are supposed to be protecting us knuckle under, the bullies are never punished for their wrongdoing — hell, they're never even held accountable for it, as though it's some sort of faux pas to mention it — and the rest of us pick up what's left of our marbles and go home.

I think it's a bit much to expect us to be good sports about the whole thing and tolerate our repeated ass-whippings with good grace, too.

doloras June 7, 2012 at 12:40 am

I was referring to schoolkids, in particular. For example, if a gang of robust liberal youths were to wedgie this fellow, shove him into the girl's locker room, draw pictures of penises all over his Bible, etc, would that be applauded by Wonketeers?

extreme_left June 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

oh I get it.. it's Obamas fault he can't stop thinking about it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Can you blame him? Every time he closes his eyes, he sees a big black dick swinging in front of his face. It is enough to turn you totally gay.

extreme_left June 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm

.. he is a dreamboat, those dark brown eyes, that coffee cut lilt and lucsious lips, ready for any adventure that may pop up.

jakegittes June 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Methinks thith little fellow doth protetht too much.

Beowoof June 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm

I have to agree, he looks to be the guy who will be getting picked on.

Antispandex June 6, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Count down until this kid is fabulous….

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm

First they came for the bullies, and I said nothing, because, for fuck's sake, they're bullies.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

"It is getting to the point where I am criticized for speaking."

Jesus fuck! A rich straight white male facing criticism?!

…We're the real monsters here, you guys.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Obvy! Our mere *existence* is a blight upon their lives, poor things.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 6:46 pm

The schizo lady from Nebraska called–she wants to tell this guy that he is getting a little carried away…

Wonderthing June 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

Many a child in his innocence/
pollutes the world with his flatulence.

The End.

owhatever June 6, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Kid is just begging for those photos his friend promised to keep secret to be posted on line. Begging for it. I served 149 years as a paratrooping special night warrior commando, and thrice won the Buttercup Medal for Latrine Sex Aboard Ship, to preserve his right to express his opinion.

randcoolcatdaddy June 6, 2012 at 6:56 pm

For some reason, this reminds me of the late 60s anti-smoking PSA on the teevee, "Like Father, Like Son" …
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmzDLzqQ-A0

DrunkIrishman June 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

haha, that reminds me of a commercial from my youth, but about weed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-Elr5K2Vuo

OneYieldRegular June 6, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Call me optimistic, but I harbor a hope that this mixed up kid will heed Quentin Crisp's sage advice to leave home as soon as he's able, move as far away from home as possible, and never go back. I also hope that one day within the next 10 years he'll show up as the star attraction at the National Gay Rodeo proudly using the drag name Gayden Cowgirl.

Franknflower June 6, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Awe, it closed before I could mock it.

Darthhippy June 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm

I know right!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Do you know who will come out as a leather daddy in about 4 years?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Oh, girl. He's coming out as a leather SLAVE. I see bondage in this kid's future, bigtime.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Either way, I have a feeling that he'll get his money's worth out of those assless chaps.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Oh, youbetcha. That, and a rogering or two to remember.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 7:16 pm

I look forward to Bayonetta 2: Cowgirl Gaiden.

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Obama, Biden, Obama, Biden! Grow up, kid, we all know the real question here is, how does this affect Sarah Palin.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 6, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Then 1 started to put my videos on youtube and got 231 views!

Then people heard about you and you got a lot more views, but the people were mean and said you were probably a closet-case. Then you thought things that were a bit fabulous and were very confused and bullied yourself into shutting down your youtube account.

The end.

succalina June 6, 2012 at 7:25 pm

"Rage, rage against the dying of the (homophobic) light"

The Xtian/tea party backlash is hilarious. Talk about wrong side of history. Teh Ghey tipping point has arrived.

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2012 at 7:29 pm

At 14, I was just coming out of the two-year-long trauma that resulted from my "discovery" of masturbation. I certainly wasn't wasting any of my spare time in some pretend radio studio. I swear, I was worse than Alexander Portnoy. Maybe this kid will be okay once he hits puberty, but I doubt it.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm

As I always say… everyone should have a hobby.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Now that you mention it, if I had a pretend radio studio, I probably wouldn't have gotten caught in the bedroom! Old gym socks are used in radio, right? Behind all that equipment?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I'm telling you. Breathes there a teenage boy with soul so dead that he prefers ANYthing to masturbating? Other than sex or porn, of course, but that often involves masturbating at that age.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 9:19 pm

"I was worse than Alexander Portnoy"

People always think of this as a sex book, but I think of it mainly as one of the funniest books I've ever read. The part where he uses raw liver, and then says, melodramatically: "Now you know the worst thing I've ever done. I FUCKED MY OWN FAMILY'S DINNER!" still makes me laugh.

chascates June 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Please, young pundit, how should we deal with uppity coloreds and women? Ropes for the blacks and barefoot and pregnant for the women? And should we go ahead and nuke Mecca and Medina right now, to make sure Jesus comes back before your voice breaks and you grow fuzz on your face?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm

My Dad would have said, "Son, wait until you grow one or two hairs on your arse before offering everybody else advice." Sound words for this young man to live by.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 7:32 pm

"A Matter Effect" – from Ray Bradbury's soon to be discovered collection of lost short stories.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Foreword by Carl Sagan.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Actually, I'm pretty sure A Matter Effect is a knockoff of a RPG-FPS hybrid that's available in the iTunes store for $0.99.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Help me out here (O/T). What's with *this* name change, now? Did intensedebate cut off the full spelling of "opportunistically" — asking because, it looks so funny the way you've put it!

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 9:55 pm

All I can see is testicles, now that you mention it.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 8:25 am

Well, it was changed in honor of our latest hero named Joe, who heroically gets paid 14 times that of his lady co-host, so that she that she can have the opportunities and flexibility offered through the freedom of being paid a fraction of her male co-workers.

I didn't spell it correctly because it's about the Opportunities created for Mika by being underpaid, and not about me suggesting opportunism on the part of Joe "Morning" "Ladykiller" Scarborough.

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I have no doubt the certificate says WV House of Deligates in big letters on top.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

In crayon.

Tommmcattt June 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm

How is it that this kid does not get a swirly daily? Where are the indian burn marks? Shouldn't he be off somewhere pulling his underwear out of his asscrack?

Fair is fair, after all, and this kid is exibiting peak dweeb.

PubOption June 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Homosecshul? Is that the Yiddish spelling?

Nopantsmcgee June 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I don't know. Joffrey just looks better with blonde hair.

imissopus June 6, 2012 at 7:48 pm

http://www.caidencowgerprogram.com/

I swear, how did this kid fly under the radar this long?

EDIT: From his eulogy for Ghost Breitbart: "Mr.Breitbart was reported to have been going for a walk, but never returned. He had also been having heart trouble and it attacked him on the spot."

In Soviet Los Angeles, heart attacks you!

Dr. Nick Riviera June 6, 2012 at 8:27 pm

His heart had a knife, you all saw it!

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 9:20 pm

He shoulda stood his ground.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Srsly. If you were Andrew Breitbart's heart, the way he treated it? You'd kick him in the nuts, punch him in the stomach, stick both your fingers up his nose and pull it backwards, grab his forelock and smash his face into your knee, and then slap him unconscious.

Dashboard Buddha June 6, 2012 at 7:58 pm

He looks like a young O'Keefe.

Tommmcattt June 6, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Also: note the Rush Limbaugh cadence and diction. The turd blossom doesn't fall far from the bull.

imissopus June 6, 2012 at 8:09 pm

His radio show is hysterical. He's got the conservative christian victimization shtick down pat. Still not as entertaining as Andwew the White Power kid, though.

Gunner Asch June 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Not watching this one, thanks. I already saw Deliverance.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Well, now the youtube account is closed, presumably because of the vicious bullying this poor child received, on account of his insanely unrepentant bigotry. I hope you're all happy, folks.

Actually wait, no, what I meant to say is that I hope somebody had the good sense to mirror that video; I just got home, and I try not to watch hate at work, lest somebody get the wrong idea about me.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Is one of the Palin kids in the market for a boyfriend?

tbogg June 6, 2012 at 8:49 pm

He closed his YouTube account. That is SO gay.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Country roads, take him home.

Chow Yun Flat June 6, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Editrix, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for continuing to write a synopsis of the comments in this and every other right-asshole YouTube video on Wonkette since if I clicked on more than a few of them it would kill me dead.

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 8:55 pm

ding!! ding!! ding!!! your 15 minutes are up and your fb account is done.

DrunkIrishman June 6, 2012 at 9:13 pm

It has been deleted. Poor guy now has to actually go interact in the real world with all the gays!!!

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 9:15 pm

"This video is no longer available because the uploader has closed their YouTube account."

Someone must have cached it somewhere!

Arishii June 7, 2012 at 7:08 am
Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 9:22 pm

I won't believe it until we see his long form page certificate.

What is he hiding!?

mileslarboy June 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

latent much?

Larry McAwful June 6, 2012 at 9:46 pm

We had gays in my elementary school. I remember kids saying, "You're so gay!" to each other all the time. Funny how your gaydar seems to be better at that age.

bobloblawlawblg June 6, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I seriously believe this whole thing boils down to this a-hole having no reading comprehension ability, then reading somewhere (a RedState comment?) that "he without sin [should] cast the first stone."

Clankie June 6, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Anyone who thinks that homosexuality is a choice generally thinks so because they have 'chosen' to not be homosexual themselves. Non-self-hating gay people know how funny that is.

didgen June 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

I hope that this kid goes up to be human, but I don't think so.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Looks like he's deleted his YouTube account–a victim of Liberal Intolerance, no doubt– there's a copy here.

Was the sick-making music in the original?

Negropolis June 6, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Oh, damn. His youtube acccount has been closed.

Poor kid. We think we know everything at 14, and we didn't know shit. I look back to when I was fourteen, and you couldn't have told me anything, and I was a relatively good kid.

From his Facebook page:

I am Christian, Pentecostal.

Poor kid. Never had a chance. I really can't say anything bad about him; I blame the parents. Here's to hoping he's able to escape this.

And, look at this picture on his Facebook page. So many inappropriate comments, too much conscience.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 7, 2012 at 12:19 am

"And, look at this picture on his Facebook page. So many inappropriate comments, too much conscience. "

Is that Jerry Sandusky?

MilwaukeeKent June 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

"I know scarry right?"

MittBorg June 7, 2012 at 12:04 am

That will stick in my mind forever. Is it a cry for help, depicting this pathetically scarred young man's early trauma at the hands of his parents? His subconscious, phrasing what his conscious could not, pointing out his secret fear of rightwingnuts? An admission that he is drawn to the sexually louche?

What does it MEAN?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 10, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I'm guessing he was traumatized at an early age by the the House of Mistress Mouse and has never forgiven his Democrat mom.

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 1:06 am

Oh, dearest of Bielys! Oh, friend of friends!

Thanks for the linky. His Democrat Mom, oy gevalt, oy vey is mir.

MilwaukeeKent June 7, 2012 at 12:02 am

I'd love to see a panel discussion between him and Skoal Rebel (no offense, but the real Skoal Rebel). "Sorry — got yer shoe."

Buckminster June 7, 2012 at 12:27 am

Sometimes people get above thare raisins, which is what I suspec, in this case. Somebody go fix his mom so she don't have no more inferior pups.

Buckminster June 7, 2012 at 12:30 am

Oh, we have a new nonsense in Montana today, news fans.

Brave teens in the Flathead (red state country) are in trouble over their pro-gay marriage shirts in school. Meanwhile, some Great Falls teens are calling foul over the banning of camouflage clothing in school, because it has been connected with hazing. Discuss?

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 12:49 am

BTW, I've seen just a handful of "Leave Caiden Alone!" comments on here, which is heartening, but for those who still don't get it: refusing to tolerate intolerance is not, itself, intolerance. To say that there is no legitimate criticism of something put out on the airwaves is worrisome to say the least. I personally can't muster much snark for this, but if someone can, more power to them. I'm just tired of inappropriate liberal concern-trolling; it allows things to fester that should have never been left to infection. We've been negligent in stopping fires before they roar out of control because of some warped view of decency.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 7, 2012 at 7:55 am

I do want to clarify, lest anyone run afowl of Internet Sarcasm, that my "I hope you are all happy" was intended completely in jest. I know we are all happy, and I'm perfectly willing to contend that 14 is of an age where folks start being responsible for their own bigotries, especially if they choose to disseminate them publicly.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 9:35 pm

You weren't even close to the people I wanted to address. lol Don't worry.

flamingpdog June 7, 2012 at 1:01 am

The little douchebag is on the air right now.

ElPinche June 7, 2012 at 2:31 am

This is why I love abortion and fetal experiments.

valthemus June 7, 2012 at 3:48 am

I'm sure Caiden's parents are very proud. And Klan members.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

You know who else was from West Virginia and belonged to the KKK?

Arishii June 7, 2012 at 7:27 am

@ 2:16 – "I find that to be a big problem, with not being allowed to convert other people to my religion."
Lmao.

BaldarTFlagass June 7, 2012 at 9:37 am

No doubt his mother also helped him cultivate his self of steam.

reliefsinn June 7, 2012 at 12:36 pm

That comment is worthy of the Pullet Surprise.

anniegetyerfun June 7, 2012 at 10:20 am

Jesus, poor kid. I can only imagine the parents that he grew up with. Hopefully he'll have a chance to branch out and learn a little compassion (if he ever escapes from home).

BenGleck June 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I think he pretests too much. He's probably closeted and terrified.

finallyhappy June 6, 2012 at 6:55 pm

ghey and dog libel- I know lesbians and gay guys with dogs- and not little dogs either.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

It's a silly joke about logic. Two guys on a plane, one of them is an ignorant schmuck, the other is an academician. I don't remember exactly how the joke goes, but it's something about "if you have a dog, you must live in a house with a yard, and therefore …" except the ignorant schmuck then repeats it to someone else without understanding it and he then comes to the (erroneous) conclusion that the other guy is gay. Because he has a dog. Or he doesn't have a dog. Or something like that.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:52 pm

I think our dear BSD is a nice lesbian with dogs, one of which is her av. I know lots of gay guys with cats, but most of the gay men I know have little yappy dogs (can't stand those fucking dogs). Most of the dykes seem to prefer big dogs.

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Just about every lesbian I know has or had dogs. Except for the lesbian I kind of have a crush on.

Fairtackle June 6, 2012 at 7:43 pm

a hole in the ground.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Might's well just come on out of the closet, hon.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I always say my mother is a good example of butch Appalachian heterosexual female. She never cared for any "girly" stuff. The story she likes to tell is that when her mother tried to put her in a dress at the age of three, she immediately tore it off. Her mother never tried to get her to wear a dress after that.

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 6, 2012 at 10:08 pm

…We were good as married in my mind
But married in my mind's no good
A Pink Triangle on her sleeve
Let me know the truth, let me know the truth…

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 8:35 pm

No offense, but I don't think you told that joke right.

BelleSC June 7, 2012 at 9:01 am

The way I heard it was two good old boys were talking. One had actually started going to college and one of his first courses was in logic. The owned item in question was a weed-eater. Fill in the rest as it suits you.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I was forced to rescue one dog from the pound before being allowed to sleep with women. It's a rule. But my actual dog is very large and gets pissed when I try to put a hoody on her.

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 9:04 pm

Nah, I was making a slight against buttsechs (it hurts. a lot.), not trying to make you feel bad about anything. You'd really be amazed how little bullshit I've received over my being a bumbandit throughout my life, or how little bullshit I've received in general, what with being a sissy, a redhead, a four eyes, and a total geek (and I used to have braces too; I was prime lock-stuffing bait and no one bit).

Maybe I was just lucky, or people are finally being better to each other in general.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:08 pm

No offense taken, darls, I've completely forgotten how it goes. If you remember, please tell. I thought it was hysterically funny at the time.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Oh, so this one's not yours? Cute little puppy. I remember you used to be BigRedDog, before. Your av was the floofiest red dog ever. Looked like an Old English Sheepdog, only red.

All my dogs have been total fucking pushovers. You could do ANYthing to them (and we often did) without complaint. What does BigRedDog do to express her disapproval?

UW8316154 June 6, 2012 at 9:16 pm

But blowjobs are still good, amirite?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 11:52 pm

No matter which it is, I'm really glad to hear it. In my yoof, that was, like, a prescription for murder.

anniegetyerfun June 7, 2012 at 10:18 am

You're a redhead?! God, I had no idea. I am so sorry. (I am too, sorta, except my hair turned white when I was, like, 18).

Fare la Volpe June 6, 2012 at 9:23 pm

"Feels just like an ass!"

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 9:31 pm

My av used to be Marmaduke but I changed around the time that our new Editrix introduced me to my new favorite thing, skullf*cking! I tried uploading a picture of my actual big red dog but I get an error message that says the files too big, even though I don't think it is. Maybe its my computers way of telling me to put her on a diet This is just a stray Internet dog.

The only thing the big red dog does to show her disapproval is act really pathetic like she is about to fucking die or something. She is a pushover to friends and cats but I wouldn't want to be a burgler at my house. Unless I was not home and the burgler brought snacks. Then they could probably leave with all my worldly possessions.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Yeah, all my dogs were only pushovers to family members. To the cats, they acted as warm rugs or bedding (poor things). But strangers, now. That's one thing I love about having a dog in the house. Corky would stand just behind my leg when I opened the front door and then stick his head out and smile at people. It always swiftly disabused them of unfriendly notions.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Nah, most of the dykes I know seem to have a pretty interesting collection by the time they hit their 20s. But Wonketteers, being a different species, were bragging about being offered toasters and what not.

Me, I'd do it for a really high-quality video camera. Oh, too late, I'm already queer.

Fare la Volpe June 7, 2012 at 11:47 pm

So's your mother.

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