the next diane arbus

Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth

He was for them before he was against themWhoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos Of Hilarity, and we would love to showcase them all but there were too many so we picked seven. One was from heroine reader “MissTaken,” showing that birth control is a liberal lie because she used all those ABORTION TOOLS in the picture but still ended up a Mom For Mitt anyway. What are the other six pictures, and will any of them feature testicles? Find out after the jump! (SPOILER: Yes, of course there will be testicles.)

Faithful reader “Selfish T” wants to know why Barack Obama won’t robustly defend America’s exceptional role as the #1 consumer of frozen microwaveable single-serving tubes of chemical food-style substances. Where else do you think you’d find a vision of plenty like this, in France?

Also they'll make you fart

We don’t want to give too much away about our judging criteria for photo contests, but we’ll put up pretty much anything with Nazi furries in it, like this business from national treasure “Christopher”.

Sponsored Video

Nazi furries!

Because great minds think alike (about pooping), we got two different pictures that people took while sitting on the toilet. We like the idea of pooping being a job that Mitt Romney will be doing on his first day of office, like faithful reader “meltons” suggests, but you can see that he’s wearing his underwear in this photo. Toilet expert “Robert” framed his photo more artfully, but no shoes worn by Mitt Romney would ever get so dirty. Sorry, you both lose.

Poopin' through yer drawers

It's not a job, it's an adventure

Does this picture from sexy bathtub auteur “Sarah” make you feel funny inside? Just drop us a line and we’ll send you the link to our pay site, where we’ve put the extra “B-side” photos she sent where America isn’t centered just so.

Don't drop it in the tub, it's a sin!

But in the end, it was pretty obvious that we were going to pick the one that prominently featured a dog’s junk, so here is your winner. Congratulations, “Shay”! You get only a public shaming, as is Wonkette law.

We are not classy people

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About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Hola wonkerados.

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124 comments

    1. JustPixelz

      Were any of furry kittens pooping in a swastika shaped box while zombie Reagan watched? If not, well, there ya go.

    2. flamingpdog

      That's OK – the five I submitted were retarded.

      Just like most everything else I submit.

    3. bagofmice

      Were there the requisite number of nutz? While it appears that this thread is nutz-safe, trucks appear to be prohibited. An interesting conundrum.

    4. fuflans

      i threw my phone across the kitchen in a fit of pique a few nights ago and now all it can do is repeatedly play my 5 am alarm 'barbossa is hungry'.

      i was not eligible.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      The "Family Pack" has just 12 Hot Pockets? That would last only a day for the average American family.

    1. MittBorg

      Let's put it this way: MissTaken has been taken by SorosBot, who misses her a lot because he's at the other end of this country (for all intents and purposes). Won't somebody just cough up a few mil and let these fine young people find True Love and Happiness?

        1. MittBorg

          (Hugs Butch fondly) That's because you are SO sweet.

          Let's go hold Mitt down and cut his hair and see if we can get a couple mil outa him.

      1. MittBorg

        Yes, he is, and you're a lucky Miss. I'm so pleased to have been in since the very beginning. Now if we can just get Mint MorMoney to cough up a few mil, we can bring SB over here, where he will be greatly appreciated, and not just by you and Callyson, either.

    1. chicken_thief

      I wasn't aware of one either. But I have no talent so it really didn't matter that I was out of the loop.

    1. Isyaignert

      Ummm, he can't; he's in hell with Andy Breitfart pissing on statues of Mickey Mouse and ripping people off.

      1. Crank_Tango

        It starts with a hot pocket, then a cool trickle down your leg. I've been there.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      In away, aren't we all winners?

      [but, yeah, it won't load for me either]

        1. Boojum

          We don't need to amend the Constitution. Just (a) rewrite the laws of corporations to specify that they are not persons having Constitutional rights; (b) forbid corporations from deducting political contributions or expenditures as business expenses (c) require a seperate vote of the shareholders, in an open meeting, two weeks prior to any expenditure of corporate funds for political speech; and (d) require that corporations disclose each and every expenditure (itemized) for political purposes and disclose the identity of the recipient of each and every political contribution.

    2. flamingpdog

      Thanks – I was hoping it wasn't my freakin' computer acting up on me again. Somebody's pee-pee needs whacking.

  1. Baconzgood

    I find this difficult to masterbate to.

    I really have an idea in my head that all of us Wonkeers (except me) are pretty and stylish like Brad Pitt and that chick you wanted to bang that sat in front of you in English 101 your freshman year…. That kinda spoiled it. You people are as secksy as me.

    I find this difficult to m

      1. calliecallie

        And I look like a young Kathleen Turner. Or I did when I was young. Now I'm a PIAPS

        1. new_pic_for_NEWTer

          Now, don't go insulting any of my friends – and I think the the S on the end of PIAP is redundant — from the Department of Redundancy Department.

  2. noodlesalad

    Of the many questions that could be asked about the Nazi Furries (for example, what do you call a Nazi Furry? A Fuhrrerry?) the one that comes to my mind is – what kind of internet search is going out directly underneath?

      1. noodlesalad

        aaaarrarafragrahgahgr

        Up fist for worst thing I've seen on the internet this year.

    1. Negropolis

      My first thought was where do you get a bill Nazi flag from? Not exactly something I just have hanging around the house, I got to be honest. lol

    1. Rotundo_

      Only without lumpy potato heads and without the reek of Koch (not pronouced Coke) on their breaths. Der Lumpenfurher can claim the Kochbreath for his own.

  3. mrpuma2u

    Hopefully the winners will be awarded a cushy county commissioner position in a red state, (courtesy of the Koch demons) where they can spend their valuable public service time helping tea tards get elected to state offices.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      On him. To all of us who aren't of his specific religion all the majik undies appear to be a map of the US, with Utah covering the, uh, special parts.

  4. pinkocommi

    Very sneaky of the folks who submitted the bathroom pics to undermine the "I'm with Mitt" message with the subtle reference to santorum. I like their style.

  5. SorosBot

    Yay; it was awesome seeing MissTaken's entry at the top of the post (she emailed me a copy too), congrats sweetie!

    1. Limeylizzie

      Are you and Miss Taken an item? If so that would be amazingly perfect and cool.

      1. MissTaken

        Yes, it's true. He came out to SF back in Feb (and returning tomorrow, yay!) and I headed to Philly in April.

        He's meeting my parents this weekend, wish him luck. He's gonna need it!

  6. Baconzgood

    As for the dog picture, like my friend's wife said at a Jesus Lizard concert "I could have gone with out seeing his balls, but I would have felt ripped off if I didn't see them."

  7. Blueb4sunrise

    Someone called me and said that my vote had already been recorded.

    meltons DAY ONE got me to laugh, so I'm demanding ………eh…never mind.

  8. Extemporanus

    Great job, you Instaheroes! I'm especially fond of the "Castle Wolfenstein" one because it reminds me of back when I was twelve or so and would play that game in a dark corner of my basement before furtively just cold jackin' it to "Aerobicise" on a 9" b&w teevee.

    "American Greatness", indeed.

    Speaking of jacking, I finally posted a 34 item long list of shit in that Dubya desecration: http://wonkette.com/474076/contest-what-is-this-o

    Thanks again for all your awesome suggestions and aww, shucks compliments.

    (There were a bunch of replies that I intended to make Monday night after returning to SF from an off-the-grid stint up the coast, but I had full-on steering and brake failure on Highway 1 north of Jenner, nearly plunged 150 feet into the Pacific, just got home this morning, and am still shitting myself. It. Was. Bad. I swear to catch-up over the next few days, but have other stuff to address at the moment. Sorry.)

    1. MittBorg

      Uh. Glad you're OK and in one piece. I've done that drive before, thinking about it makes my stomach feel like it just dropped right out of my body.

      Thanks for the list, mate.

    2. reliefsinn

      Cripes, glad to hear you are still with us, we really can't afford to lose anyone right now.

  9. MittBorg

    I'm really hurt. The only chance we get at dick shots, and the only dick in there is a dog's. I hope you're happy, Wonketz. I just hope you're happy, that's all.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        Mittbot to self: "Humans find this funny. Activate laugh."
        Mittbot laughs mechanically. Then its jaw falls off.

      2. bagofmice

        Zim: What did you do with the humor chip?
        MittGir: I had to make room for the tuna!

    1. BlueStateLibel

      …or would admit in any shape or form to being associated with Wonkette. Nicely done too.

  10. ThundercatHo

    VISZLA!!!

    (ours is a girl so we don't have to look at balls all the time, yay)

  11. Selfish_T

    This is my finest hour. I demand a prize of a Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Georgia.

  12. Guppy

    It turns out that Hot Pockets are made by Nestlé, so they're as Swiss as Mitt's bank accounts.

    Also:

    Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad!

    What are you, the Comics High School Guidance Counselor?

Comments are closed.