He was for them before he was against themWhoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos Of Hilarity, and we would love to showcase them all but there were too many so we picked seven. One was from heroine reader “MissTaken,” showing that birth control is a liberal lie because she used all those ABORTION TOOLS in the picture but still ended up a Mom For Mitt anyway. What are the other six pictures, and will any of them feature testicles? Find out after the jump! (SPOILER: Yes, of course there will be testicles.)

Faithful reader “Selfish T” wants to know why Barack Obama won’t robustly defend America’s exceptional role as the #1 consumer of frozen microwaveable single-serving tubes of chemical food-style substances. Where else do you think you’d find a vision of plenty like this, in France?

Also they'll make you fart

We don’t want to give too much away about our judging criteria for photo contests, but we’ll put up pretty much anything with Nazi furries in it, like this business from national treasure “Christopher”.

Nazi furries!

Because great minds think alike (about pooping), we got two different pictures that people took while sitting on the toilet. We like the idea of pooping being a job that Mitt Romney will be doing on his first day of office, like faithful reader “meltons” suggests, but you can see that he’s wearing his underwear in this photo. Toilet expert “Robert” framed his photo more artfully, but no shoes worn by Mitt Romney would ever get so dirty. Sorry, you both lose.

Poopin' through yer drawers

It's not a job, it's an adventure

Does this picture from sexy bathtub auteur “Sarah” make you feel funny inside? Just drop us a line and we’ll send you the link to our pay site, where we’ve put the extra “B-side” photos she sent where America isn’t centered just so.

Don't drop it in the tub, it's a sin!

But in the end, it was pretty obvious that we were going to pick the one that prominently featured a dog’s junk, so here is your winner. Congratulations, “Shay”! You get only a public shaming, as is Wonkette law.

We are not classy people

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  • Barb

    And the five I submitted got rejected.

  • tihond

    OH NOES the hot pocket buzz marketing has started to infect Wonkette.

    • Crank_Tango

      Yeah Jesus Christ, WTFing hot pockets hell.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      The "Family Pack" has just 12 Hot Pockets? That would last only a day for the average American family.

  • Baconzgood

    Miss Taken puts out? Sorosbot is a lucky robot.

    • SorosBot

      Hey, it would be rude to kiss and tell.

      • Chichikovovich
      • If being rude was a sacrament…Wonketeers would…are you gonna tell us or WHAT, Bot-boy?!

        • SorosBot

          OK, OK; we have totally kissed. French kissed even. Happy now?

          • HistoriBarb

            Where's the long form kiss certificate?

    • Let's put it this way: MissTaken has been taken by SorosBot, who misses her a lot because he's at the other end of this country (for all intents and purposes). Won't somebody just cough up a few mil and let these fine young people find True Love and Happiness?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        I'm checking the couch for change.

        • (Hugs Butch fondly) That's because you are SO sweet.

          Let's go hold Mitt down and cut his hair and see if we can get a couple mil outa him.

    • MissTaken

      Yes. SorosBot is a lucky bot indeed.

      • Yes, he is, and you're a lucky Miss. I'm so pleased to have been in since the very beginning. Now if we can just get Mint MorMoney to cough up a few mil, we can bring SB over here, where he will be greatly appreciated, and not just by you and Callyson, either.

  • nounverb911

    I'm truly impressed by my fellow Wonketeers talent.

  • finallyhappy

    There was a contest?

    • nounverb911

      First prize is a week with Mitt, second prize is two weeks with Mitt.

      • noodlesalad

        The loser gets the second half of the Romney/[Loser] 2012 ticket.

        • bagofmice

          Upfisting for proper spelling of the word loser.

    • chicken_thief

      I wasn't aware of one either. But I have no talent so it really didn't matter that I was out of the loop.

      • No talent? No problem! This is like running for office.

  • What? No glowies?? Thomas Kinkade didn't enter????

    • tihond

      He was too busy painting with light (and also Vicodin).

      • The topic of his painting being Lord Satan's Buggering Of Still-Dead-AND-NotSoBrightBart.

    • Isyaignert

      Ummm, he can't; he's in hell with Andy Breitfart pissing on statues of Mickey Mouse and ripping people off.

    • bagofmice

      If he only went to first.

  • I think you misspelled "heroin" and "reader" should be "user"

  • The sitting on the shitter pics should be removed because that's a given after you eat Hot Pockets (although you don't necessarily shit.)

    • jodyleek

      Hot Pocket for breakfast, Hot Pocket for lunch, diarrhea for dinner!

      • Crank_Tango

        It starts with a hot pocket, then a cool trickle down your leg. I've been there.

        • I thought it was a HOT trickle down your leg?

  • Boojum

    Where is the winner?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      In away, aren't we all winners?

      [but, yeah, it won't load for me either]

      • Isyaignert

        Not after last night in Wisconsin. Oh well, it's just more proof that that fukkin' evil Citizens Untied ruling must DIE! Go to and see what you can do to help.

        • Boojum

          We don't need to amend the Constitution. Just (a) rewrite the laws of corporations to specify that they are not persons having Constitutional rights; (b) forbid corporations from deducting political contributions or expenditures as business expenses (c) require a seperate vote of the shareholders, in an open meeting, two weeks prior to any expenditure of corporate funds for political speech; and (d) require that corporations disclose each and every expenditure (itemized) for political purposes and disclose the identity of the recipient of each and every political contribution.

    • flamingpdog

      Thanks – I was hoping it wasn't my freakin' computer acting up on me again. Somebody's pee-pee needs whacking.

    • Obviously a coding issue.

      Seems fixed now

  • Baconzgood

    I find this difficult to masterbate to.

    I really have an idea in my head that all of us Wonkeers (except me) are pretty and stylish like Brad Pitt and that chick you wanted to bang that sat in front of you in English 101 your freshman year…. That kinda spoiled it. You people are as secksy as me.

    I find this difficult to m

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Surely seeing Miss Taken's pleasure supplies has to help?

      • Baconzgood

        Well several exceptions in this group.

    • I'm more a George Clooney ruggedly handsome.

      • Isyaignert


      • calliecallie

        And I look like a young Kathleen Turner. Or I did when I was young. Now I'm a PIAPS

        • new_pic_for_NEWTer

          Now, don't go insulting any of my friends – and I think the the S on the end of PIAP is redundant — from the Department of Redundancy Department.

          • glasspusher

            More Sugar!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Are these photos compliant with Sharia Law?

    With Mormon Law?

  • chascates

    No one sent in a picture of Breitbart floating upside down in a pool?

    • Rotundo_

      In a suit of armor?

  • noodlesalad

    Of the many questions that could be asked about the Nazi Furries (for example, what do you call a Nazi Furry? A Fuhrrerry?) the one that comes to my mind is – what kind of internet search is going out directly underneath?

    • doloras (not safe for work, brain or human decency)

      • My eyes!

      • noodlesalad


        Up fist for worst thing I've seen on the internet this year.

    • The Fuhrrerry is the architect of the fuzzy solution.

    • Negropolis

      My first thought was where do you get a bill Nazi flag from? Not exactly something I just have hanging around the house, I got to be honest. lol

  • Antispandex

    Pants around the ankles make a wide stance more difficult…just sayin'.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Its a sin to bathe and read the Mor-Bibe at the same time.

    • Isyaignert

      Not if you're wearing your magic underwear. Mor-Bibe – Hahahaha!

  • JustPixelz

    Congratulations Winners! You are each like our own Scott Walker for today.

    • Rotundo_

      Only without lumpy potato heads and without the reek of Koch (not pronouced Coke) on their breaths. Der Lumpenfurher can claim the Kochbreath for his own.

  • mrpuma2u

    Hopefully the winners will be awarded a cushy county commissioner position in a red state, (courtesy of the Koch demons) where they can spend their valuable public service time helping tea tards get elected to state offices.

  • hagajim

    The dude in the tub reading the Book of Mormon…wherez his majik undies?

    • Dudleydidwrong

      On him. To all of us who aren't of his specific religion all the majik undies appear to be a map of the US, with Utah covering the, uh, special parts.

    • PubOption

      Will he next feel around in the tub for a Pearl of Great Price?

      • George Skullfry

        Or a D&C?

  • pinkocommi

    Very sneaky of the folks who submitted the bathroom pics to undermine the "I'm with Mitt" message with the subtle reference to santorum. I like their style.

  • crybabyboehner

    In France they call it "Le Hot Pocket" – it's the little things.

    • Rotundo_

      I always thought is was simply "Merde".

  • SorosBot

    Yay; it was awesome seeing MissTaken's entry at the top of the post (she emailed me a copy too), congrats sweetie!

    • MissTaken

      Thanks hun. Now get a room!

    • Limeylizzie

      Are you and Miss Taken an item? If so that would be amazingly perfect and cool.

      • SorosBot

        You hadn't noticed? Yes, we are.

      • MissTaken

        Yes, it's true. He came out to SF back in Feb (and returning tomorrow, yay!) and I headed to Philly in April.

        He's meeting my parents this weekend, wish him luck. He's gonna need it!

        • Limeylizzie

          Awwwwww, how perfect is that! A Wonkette Romance.

  • Baconzgood

    As for the dog picture, like my friend's wife said at a Jesus Lizard concert "I could have gone with out seeing his balls, but I would have felt ripped off if I didn't see them."

  • owhatever

    The Book of Penthouse is more interesting.

    • bagofmice

      Some bibliographies are more equal than others.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    OT: How could I forget this NSFW Ray Bradbury tribute, which is now advocating necrophilia?

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Someone called me and said that my vote had already been recorded.

    meltons DAY ONE got me to laugh, so I'm demanding ………eh…never mind.

  • Callyson

    That dog has a bigger member than Mittens, I'm sure…

  • XtfrM

    Well, I am beyond proud!

  • Extemporanus

    Great job, you Instaheroes! I'm especially fond of the "Castle Wolfenstein" one because it reminds me of back when I was twelve or so and would play that game in a dark corner of my basement before furtively just cold jackin' it to "Aerobicise" on a 9" b&w teevee.

    "American Greatness", indeed.

    Speaking of jacking, I finally posted a 34 item long list of shit in that Dubya desecration:

    Thanks again for all your awesome suggestions and aww, shucks compliments.

    (There were a bunch of replies that I intended to make Monday night after returning to SF from an off-the-grid stint up the coast, but I had full-on steering and brake failure on Highway 1 north of Jenner, nearly plunged 150 feet into the Pacific, just got home this morning, and am still shitting myself. It. Was. Bad. I swear to catch-up over the next few days, but have other stuff to address at the moment. Sorry.)

    • Uh. Glad you're OK and in one piece. I've done that drive before, thinking about it makes my stomach feel like it just dropped right out of my body.

      Thanks for the list, mate.

    • reliefsinn

      Cripes, glad to hear you are still with us, we really can't afford to lose anyone right now.

  • I'm really hurt. The only chance we get at dick shots, and the only dick in there is a dog's. I hope you're happy, Wonketz. I just hope you're happy, that's all.

    • Jadetiger79

      I, too, am disappointed in the lack of junk shots.

  • Kudos to "Robert." Nice job.

  • Estproph

    Damn! I missed this contest! And it looks like it was fun!

  • ttommyunger

    "I fail to see the humor in this." – Mitt Romney.

    • the mittbot 2000 doesn't come with a humor chip.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Mittbot to self: "Humans find this funny. Activate laugh."
        Mittbot laughs mechanically. Then its jaw falls off.

      • bagofmice

        Zim: What did you do with the humor chip?
        MittGir: I had to make room for the tuna!

  • MissTaken

    This is the first time in my adult life I've ever been proud of my country.

    • BlueStateLibel

      …or would admit in any shape or form to being associated with Wonkette. Nicely done too.

  • you guys these are so damn funny.

    i wish i could see them all. you all should post!

  • ThundercatHo


    (ours is a girl so we don't have to look at balls all the time, yay)

  • Selfish_T

    This is my finest hour. I demand a prize of a Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Georgia.

    • Jadetiger79

      I'm in Decatur!

  • Contest Libel! My KKK entry had to be the winner!

  • extreme_left

    meh.. I've got something hot in my pocket and you can eat it.

  • Jadetiger79

    Post them all! We wanna see!

  • Guppy

    It turns out that Hot Pockets are made by Nestlé, so they're as Swiss as Mitt's bank accounts.


    Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad!

    What are you, the Comics High School Guidance Counselor?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, at least he's not a girl, or he'd probably have a dozen kids by now.

  • Tommmcattt

    Dog balls, Moobs, and Nazi furries.

    Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

  • lulzmonger

    This filth looks pretty shameless to me.


  • ArthurEther

    No scissors?

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