THE NEXT DIANE ARBUS  4:35 pm June 6, 2012

Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth

by Josh Fruhlinger

He was for them before he was against themWhoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos Of Hilarity, and we would love to showcase them all but there were too many so we picked seven. One was from heroine reader “MissTaken,” showing that birth control is a liberal lie because she used all those ABORTION TOOLS in the picture but still ended up a Mom For Mitt anyway. What are the other six pictures, and will any of them feature testicles? Find out after the jump! (SPOILER: Yes, of course there will be testicles.)

Faithful reader “Selfish T” wants to know why Barack Obama won’t robustly defend America’s exceptional role as the #1 consumer of frozen microwaveable single-serving tubes of chemical food-style substances. Where else do you think you’d find a vision of plenty like this, in France?

Also they'll make you fart

We don’t want to give too much away about our judging criteria for photo contests, but we’ll put up pretty much anything with Nazi furries in it, like this business from national treasure “Christopher”.

Nazi furries!

Because great minds think alike (about pooping), we got two different pictures that people took while sitting on the toilet. We like the idea of pooping being a job that Mitt Romney will be doing on his first day of office, like faithful reader “meltons” suggests, but you can see that he’s wearing his underwear in this photo. Toilet expert “Robert” framed his photo more artfully, but no shoes worn by Mitt Romney would ever get so dirty. Sorry, you both lose.

Poopin' through yer drawers

It's not a job, it's an adventure

Does this picture from sexy bathtub auteur “Sarah” make you feel funny inside? Just drop us a line and we’ll send you the link to our pay site, where we’ve put the extra “B-side” photos she sent where America isn’t centered just so.

Don't drop it in the tub, it's a sin!

But in the end, it was pretty obvious that we were going to pick the one that prominently featured a dog’s junk, so here is your winner. Congratulations, “Shay”! You get only a public shaming, as is Wonkette law.

We are not classy people

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 124 comments }

Barb June 6, 2012 at 4:37 pm

And the five I submitted got rejected.

JustPixelz June 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Were any of furry kittens pooping in a swastika shaped box while zombie Reagan watched? If not, well, there ya go.

jodyleek June 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Now you've gone and spoiled my Xmas card idea!

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

That's OK – the five I submitted were retarded.

Just like most everything else I submit.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

You used THAT WORD!

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Which? Five?

Preferred Customer June 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Will it tr1gger a response?

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 6, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Are we actually able to read *that* word now, or are we just beaming comments into each other's brains? Seriously. Not really. (Really.)

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Wait, you're not holding out for the replacement term "Paultarded"?

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 5:49 pm

or wingtarded.

though i guess that's the same damn thing.

mrpuma2u June 6, 2012 at 4:57 pm

You needed moar dogz ballz and toiletz!!!

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Were there the requisite number of nutz? While it appears that this thread is nutz-safe, trucks appear to be prohibited. An interesting conundrum.

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 5:55 pm

i threw my phone across the kitchen in a fit of pique a few nights ago and now all it can do is repeatedly play my 5 am alarm 'barbossa is hungry'.

i was not eligible.

tihond June 6, 2012 at 4:38 pm

OH NOES the hot pocket buzz marketing has started to infect Wonkette.

Crank_Tango June 6, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Yeah Jesus Christ, WTFing hot pockets hell.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 6:07 pm

The "Family Pack" has just 12 Hot Pockets? That would last only a day for the average American family.

Baconzgood June 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Miss Taken puts out? Sorosbot is a lucky robot.

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Hey, it would be rude to kiss and tell.

Chichikovovich June 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm
actor212 June 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm

She's been on holiday, yes.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Eh? Eh? Eh?

George Skullfry June 7, 2012 at 1:42 am

Say no more.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:49 pm

I'd like some chest of drawers.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 6, 2012 at 5:12 pm

If being rude was a sacrament…Wonketeers would…are you gonna tell us or WHAT, Bot-boy?!

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 5:19 pm

OK, OK; we have totally kissed. French kissed even. Happy now?

HistoriBarb June 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Where's the long form kiss certificate?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Let's put it this way: MissTaken has been taken by SorosBot, who misses her a lot because he's at the other end of this country (for all intents and purposes). Won't somebody just cough up a few mil and let these fine young people find True Love and Happiness?

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

I'm checking the couch for change.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:38 pm

(Hugs Butch fondly) That's because you are SO sweet.

Let's go hold Mitt down and cut his hair and see if we can get a couple mil outa him.

MissTaken June 6, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Yes. SorosBot is a lucky bot indeed.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Yes, he is, and you're a lucky Miss. I'm so pleased to have been in since the very beginning. Now if we can just get Mint MorMoney to cough up a few mil, we can bring SB over here, where he will be greatly appreciated, and not just by you and Callyson, either.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Z, are you in SF?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 9:06 pm

No, I'm not.

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 4:39 pm

I'm truly impressed by my fellow Wonketeers talent.

finallyhappy June 6, 2012 at 4:40 pm

There was a contest?

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

First prize is a week with Mitt, second prize is two weeks with Mitt.

noodlesalad June 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm

The loser gets the second half of the Romney/[Loser] 2012 ticket.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Upfisting for proper spelling of the word loser.

chicken_thief June 6, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I wasn't aware of one either. But I have no talent so it really didn't matter that I was out of the loop.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm

No talent? No problem! This is like running for office.

weejee June 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

What? No glowies?? Thomas Kinkade didn't enter????

tihond June 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

He was too busy painting with light (and also Vicodin).

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:37 pm

The topic of his painting being Lord Satan's Buggering Of Still-Dead-AND-NotSoBrightBart.

Isyaignert June 6, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Ummm, he can't; he's in hell with Andy Breitfart pissing on statues of Mickey Mouse and ripping people off.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm

If he only went to http://painteroflight.com first.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

I think you misspelled "heroin" and "reader" should be "user"

ManchuCandidate June 6, 2012 at 4:41 pm

The sitting on the shitter pics should be removed because that's a given after you eat Hot Pockets (although you don't necessarily shit.)

jodyleek June 6, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Hot Pocket for breakfast, Hot Pocket for lunch, diarrhea for dinner!

Crank_Tango June 6, 2012 at 5:23 pm

It starts with a hot pocket, then a cool trickle down your leg. I've been there.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I thought it was a HOT trickle down your leg?

Boojum June 6, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Where is the winner?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 4:48 pm

In away, aren't we all winners?

[but, yeah, it won't load for me either]

Isyaignert June 6, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Not after last night in Wisconsin. Oh well, it's just more proof that that fukkin' evil Citizens Untied ruling must DIE! Go to http://www.movetoamend.org and see what you can do to help.

Boojum June 6, 2012 at 5:36 pm

We don't need to amend the Constitution. Just (a) rewrite the laws of corporations to specify that they are not persons having Constitutional rights; (b) forbid corporations from deducting political contributions or expenditures as business expenses (c) require a seperate vote of the shareholders, in an open meeting, two weeks prior to any expenditure of corporate funds for political speech; and (d) require that corporations disclose each and every expenditure (itemized) for political purposes and disclose the identity of the recipient of each and every political contribution.

flamingpdog June 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Thanks – I was hoping it wasn't my freakin' computer acting up on me again. Somebody's pee-pee needs whacking.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Obviously a coding issue.

Seems fixed now

Baconzgood June 6, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I find this difficult to masterbate to.

I really have an idea in my head that all of us Wonkeers (except me) are pretty and stylish like Brad Pitt and that chick you wanted to bang that sat in front of you in English 101 your freshman year…. That kinda spoiled it. You people are as secksy as me.

I find this difficult to m

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Surely seeing Miss Taken's pleasure supplies has to help?

Baconzgood June 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Well several exceptions in this group.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 4:52 pm

I'm more a George Clooney ruggedly handsome.

Isyaignert June 6, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Nice.

calliecallie June 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

And I look like a young Kathleen Turner. Or I did when I was young. Now I'm a PIAPS

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 6, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Now, don't go insulting any of my friends – and I think the the S on the end of PIAP is redundant — from the Department of Redundancy Department.

glasspusher June 6, 2012 at 11:38 pm

More Sugar!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 6, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Are these photos compliant with Sharia Law?

With Mormon Law?

chascates June 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm

No one sent in a picture of Breitbart floating upside down in a pool?

Rotundo_ June 7, 2012 at 1:00 pm

In a suit of armor?

noodlesalad June 6, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Of the many questions that could be asked about the Nazi Furries (for example, what do you call a Nazi Furry? A Fuhrrerry?) the one that comes to my mind is – what kind of internet search is going out directly underneath?

doloras June 6, 2012 at 5:46 pm

http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nazi_Furs (not safe for work, brain or human decency)

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm

My eyes!

noodlesalad June 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm

aaaarrarafragrahgahgr

Up fist for worst thing I've seen on the internet this year.

starfanglednut June 6, 2012 at 7:55 pm

The Fuhrrerry is the architect of the fuzzy solution.

Negropolis June 7, 2012 at 1:21 am

My first thought was where do you get a bill Nazi flag from? Not exactly something I just have hanging around the house, I got to be honest. lol

Antispandex June 6, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Pants around the ankles make a wide stance more difficult…just sayin'.

Fox n Fiends June 6, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Its a sin to bathe and read the Mor-Bibe at the same time.

Isyaignert June 6, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Not if you're wearing your magic underwear. Mor-Bibe – Hahahaha!

JustPixelz June 6, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Congratulations Winners! You are each like our own Scott Walker for today.

Rotundo_ June 7, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Only without lumpy potato heads and without the reek of Koch (not pronouced Coke) on their breaths. Der Lumpenfurher can claim the Kochbreath for his own.

mrpuma2u June 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Hopefully the winners will be awarded a cushy county commissioner position in a red state, (courtesy of the Koch demons) where they can spend their valuable public service time helping tea tards get elected to state offices.

hagajim June 6, 2012 at 4:55 pm

The dude in the tub reading the Book of Mormon…wherez his majik undies?

Dudleydidwrong June 6, 2012 at 5:33 pm

On him. To all of us who aren't of his specific religion all the majik undies appear to be a map of the US, with Utah covering the, uh, special parts.

PubOption June 6, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Will he next feel around in the tub for a Pearl of Great Price?

George Skullfry June 7, 2012 at 1:46 am

Or a D&C?

pinkocommi June 6, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Very sneaky of the folks who submitted the bathroom pics to undermine the "I'm with Mitt" message with the subtle reference to santorum. I like their style.

crybabyboehner June 6, 2012 at 5:01 pm

In France they call it "Le Hot Pocket" – it's the little things.

Rotundo_ June 7, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I always thought is was simply "Merde".

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Yay; it was awesome seeing MissTaken's entry at the top of the post (she emailed me a copy too), congrats sweetie!

MissTaken June 6, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Thanks hun. Now get a room!

Limeylizzie June 6, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Are you and Miss Taken an item? If so that would be amazingly perfect and cool.

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 9:56 pm

You hadn't noticed? Yes, we are.

MissTaken June 7, 2012 at 11:24 am

Yes, it's true. He came out to SF back in Feb (and returning tomorrow, yay!) and I headed to Philly in April.

He's meeting my parents this weekend, wish him luck. He's gonna need it!

Limeylizzie June 7, 2012 at 11:37 am

Awwwwww, how perfect is that! A Wonkette Romance.

Baconzgood June 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

As for the dog picture, like my friend's wife said at a Jesus Lizard concert "I could have gone with out seeing his balls, but I would have felt ripped off if I didn't see them."

owhatever June 6, 2012 at 5:07 pm

The Book of Penthouse is more interesting.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Some bibliographies are more equal than others.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 5:10 pm

OT: How could I forget this NSFW Ray Bradbury tribute, which is now advocating necrophilia?

Blueb4sunrise June 6, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Someone called me and said that my vote had already been recorded.

meltons DAY ONE got me to laugh, so I'm demanding ………eh…never mind.

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

That dog has a bigger member than Mittens, I'm sure…

XtfrM June 6, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Well, I am beyond proud!
"meltons"

Extemporanus June 6, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Great job, you Instaheroes! I'm especially fond of the "Castle Wolfenstein" one because it reminds me of back when I was twelve or so and would play that game in a dark corner of my basement before furtively just cold jackin' it to "Aerobicise" on a 9" b&w teevee.

"American Greatness", indeed.

Speaking of jacking, I finally posted a 34 item long list of shit in that Dubya desecration: http://wonkette.com/474076/contest-what-is-this-o

Thanks again for all your awesome suggestions and aww, shucks compliments.

(There were a bunch of replies that I intended to make Monday night after returning to SF from an off-the-grid stint up the coast, but I had full-on steering and brake failure on Highway 1 north of Jenner, nearly plunged 150 feet into the Pacific, just got home this morning, and am still shitting myself. It. Was. Bad. I swear to catch-up over the next few days, but have other stuff to address at the moment. Sorry.)

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Uh. Glad you're OK and in one piece. I've done that drive before, thinking about it makes my stomach feel like it just dropped right out of my body.

Thanks for the list, mate.

reliefsinn June 7, 2012 at 11:34 am

Cripes, glad to hear you are still with us, we really can't afford to lose anyone right now.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I'm really hurt. The only chance we get at dick shots, and the only dick in there is a dog's. I hope you're happy, Wonketz. I just hope you're happy, that's all.

Jadetiger79 June 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

I, too, am disappointed in the lack of junk shots.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Kudos to "Robert." Nice job.

Estproph June 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Damn! I missed this contest! And it looks like it was fun!

ttommyunger June 6, 2012 at 5:34 pm

"I fail to see the humor in this." – Mitt Romney.

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 5:51 pm

the mittbot 2000 doesn't come with a humor chip.

Butch_Wagstaff June 6, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Mittbot to self: "Humans find this funny. Activate laugh."
Mittbot laughs mechanically. Then its jaw falls off.

bagofmice June 7, 2012 at 9:45 am

Zim: What did you do with the humor chip?
MittGir: I had to make room for the tuna!

MissTaken June 6, 2012 at 5:45 pm

This is the first time in my adult life I've ever been proud of my country.

BlueStateLibel June 6, 2012 at 8:16 pm

…or would admit in any shape or form to being associated with Wonkette. Nicely done too.

fuflans June 6, 2012 at 5:51 pm

you guys these are so damn funny.

i wish i could see them all. you all should post!

ThundercatHo June 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

VISZLA!!!

(ours is a girl so we don't have to look at balls all the time, yay)

Selfish_T June 6, 2012 at 6:09 pm

This is my finest hour. I demand a prize of a Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Georgia.

Jadetiger79 June 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I'm in Decatur!

johnnyzhivago June 6, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Contest Libel! My KKK entry had to be the winner!

extreme_left June 6, 2012 at 6:22 pm

meh.. I've got something hot in my pocket and you can eat it.

Jadetiger79 June 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Post them all! We wanna see!

Guppy June 6, 2012 at 6:41 pm

It turns out that Hot Pockets are made by Nestlé, so they're as Swiss as Mitt's bank accounts.

Also:

Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad!

What are you, the Comics High School Guidance Counselor?

BaldarTFlagass June 6, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Well, at least he's not a girl, or he'd probably have a dozen kids by now.

Tommmcattt June 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Dog balls, Moobs, and Nazi furries.

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

lulzmonger June 7, 2012 at 3:12 am

Objection!
This filth looks pretty shameless to me.

AAAAA+++++ WOULD LOL AGAIN

ArthurEther June 7, 2012 at 11:30 am

No scissors?

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