Whoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos Of Hilarity, and we would love to showcase them all but there were too many so we picked seven. One was from heroine reader “MissTaken,” showing that birth control is a liberal lie because she used all those ABORTION TOOLS in the picture but still ended up a Mom For Mitt anyway. What are the other six pictures, and will any of them feature testicles? Find out after the jump! (SPOILER: Yes, of course there will be testicles.)
Faithful reader “Selfish T” wants to know why Barack Obama won’t robustly defend America’s exceptional role as the #1 consumer of frozen microwaveable single-serving tubes of chemical food-style substances. Where else do you think you’d find a vision of plenty like this, in France?
We don’t want to give too much away about our judging criteria for photo contests, but we’ll put up pretty much anything with Nazi furries in it, like this business from national treasure “Christopher”.
Because great minds think alike (about pooping), we got two different pictures that people took while sitting on the toilet. We like the idea of pooping being a job that Mitt Romney will be doing on his first day of office, like faithful reader “meltons” suggests, but you can see that he’s wearing his underwear in this photo. Toilet expert “Robert” framed his photo more artfully, but no shoes worn by Mitt Romney would ever get so dirty. Sorry, you both lose.
Does this picture from sexy bathtub auteur “Sarah” make you feel funny inside? Just drop us a line and we’ll send you the link to our pay site, where we’ve put the extra “B-side” photos she sent where America isn’t centered just so.
But in the end, it was pretty obvious that we were going to pick the one that prominently featured a dog’s junk, so here is your winner. Congratulations, “Shay”! You get only a public shaming, as is Wonkette law.
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And the five I submitted got rejected.
Were any of furry kittens pooping in a swastika shaped box while zombie Reagan watched? If not, well, there ya go.
Now you've gone and spoiled my Xmas card idea!
That's OK – the five I submitted were retarded.
Just like most everything else I submit.
You used THAT WORD!
Which? Five?
Will it tr1gger a response?
Are we actually able to read *that* word now, or are we just beaming comments into each other's brains? Seriously. Not really. (Really.)
Wait, you're not holding out for the replacement term "Paultarded"?
or wingtarded.
though i guess that's the same damn thing.
You needed moar dogz ballz and toiletz!!!
Were there the requisite number of nutz? While it appears that this thread is nutz-safe, trucks appear to be prohibited. An interesting conundrum.
i threw my phone across the kitchen in a fit of pique a few nights ago and now all it can do is repeatedly play my 5 am alarm 'barbossa is hungry'.
i was not eligible.
OH NOES the hot pocket buzz marketing has started to infect Wonkette.
Yeah Jesus Christ, WTFing hot pockets hell.
The "Family Pack" has just 12 Hot Pockets? That would last only a day for the average American family.
Miss Taken puts out? Sorosbot is a lucky robot.
Hey, it would be rude to kiss and tell.
But is she a goer?
She's been on holiday, yes.
Eh? Eh? Eh?
Say no more.
I'd like some chest of drawers.
If being rude was a sacrament…Wonketeers would…are you gonna tell us or WHAT, Bot-boy?!
OK, OK; we have totally kissed. French kissed even. Happy now?
Where's the long form kiss certificate?
Let's put it this way: MissTaken has been taken by SorosBot, who misses her a lot because he's at the other end of this country (for all intents and purposes). Won't somebody just cough up a few mil and let these fine young people find True Love and Happiness?
I'm checking the couch for change.
(Hugs Butch fondly) That's because you are SO sweet.
Let's go hold Mitt down and cut his hair and see if we can get a couple mil outa him.
Yes. SorosBot is a lucky bot indeed.
Yes, he is, and you're a lucky Miss. I'm so pleased to have been in since the very beginning. Now if we can just get Mint MorMoney to cough up a few mil, we can bring SB over here, where he will be greatly appreciated, and not just by you and Callyson, either.
Z, are you in SF?
No, I'm not.
I'm truly impressed by my fellow Wonketeers talent.
There was a contest?
First prize is a week with Mitt, second prize is two weeks with Mitt.
The loser gets the second half of the Romney/[Loser] 2012 ticket.
Upfisting for proper spelling of the word loser.
I wasn't aware of one either. But I have no talent so it really didn't matter that I was out of the loop.
No talent? No problem! This is like running for office.
What? No glowies?? Thomas Kinkade didn't enter????
He was too busy painting with light (and also Vicodin).
The topic of his painting being Lord Satan's Buggering Of Still-Dead-AND-NotSoBrightBart.
Ummm, he can't; he's in hell with Andy Breitfart pissing on statues of Mickey Mouse and ripping people off.
If he only went to http://painteroflight.com first.
I think you misspelled "heroin" and "reader" should be "user"
The sitting on the shitter pics should be removed because that's a given after you eat Hot Pockets (although you don't necessarily shit.)
Hot Pocket for breakfast, Hot Pocket for lunch, diarrhea for dinner!
It starts with a hot pocket, then a cool trickle down your leg. I've been there.
I thought it was a HOT trickle down your leg?
Where is the winner?
In away, aren't we all winners?
[but, yeah, it won't load for me either]
Not after last night in Wisconsin. Oh well, it's just more proof that that fukkin' evil Citizens Untied ruling must DIE! Go to http://www.movetoamend.org and see what you can do to help.
We don't need to amend the Constitution. Just (a) rewrite the laws of corporations to specify that they are not persons having Constitutional rights; (b) forbid corporations from deducting political contributions or expenditures as business expenses (c) require a seperate vote of the shareholders, in an open meeting, two weeks prior to any expenditure of corporate funds for political speech; and (d) require that corporations disclose each and every expenditure (itemized) for political purposes and disclose the identity of the recipient of each and every political contribution.
Thanks – I was hoping it wasn't my freakin' computer acting up on me again. Somebody's pee-pee needs whacking.
Obviously a coding issue.
Seems fixed now
I find this difficult to masterbate to.
I really have an idea in my head that all of us Wonkeers (except me) are pretty and stylish like Brad Pitt and that chick you wanted to bang that sat in front of you in English 101 your freshman year…. That kinda spoiled it. You people are as secksy as me.
I find this difficult to m
Surely seeing Miss Taken's pleasure supplies has to help?
Well several exceptions in this group.
I'm more a George Clooney ruggedly handsome.
Nice.
And I look like a young Kathleen Turner. Or I did when I was young. Now I'm a PIAPS
Now, don't go insulting any of my friends – and I think the the S on the end of PIAP is redundant — from the Department of Redundancy Department.
More Sugar!
Are these photos compliant with Sharia Law?
With Mormon Law?
No one sent in a picture of Breitbart floating upside down in a pool?
In a suit of armor?
Of the many questions that could be asked about the Nazi Furries (for example, what do you call a Nazi Furry? A Fuhrrerry?) the one that comes to my mind is – what kind of internet search is going out directly underneath?
http://encyclopediadramatica.se/Nazi_Furs (not safe for work, brain or human decency)
My eyes!
aaaarrarafragrahgahgr
Up fist for worst thing I've seen on the internet this year.
The Fuhrrerry is the architect of the fuzzy solution.
My first thought was where do you get a bill Nazi flag from? Not exactly something I just have hanging around the house, I got to be honest. lol
Pants around the ankles make a wide stance more difficult…just sayin'.
Its a sin to bathe and read the Mor-Bibe at the same time.
Not if you're wearing your magic underwear. Mor-Bibe – Hahahaha!
Congratulations Winners! You are each like our own Scott Walker for today.
Only without lumpy potato heads and without the reek of Koch (not pronouced Coke) on their breaths. Der Lumpenfurher can claim the Kochbreath for his own.
Hopefully the winners will be awarded a cushy county commissioner position in a red state, (courtesy of the Koch demons) where they can spend their valuable public service time helping tea tards get elected to state offices.
The dude in the tub reading the Book of Mormon…wherez his majik undies?
On him. To all of us who aren't of his specific religion all the majik undies appear to be a map of the US, with Utah covering the, uh, special parts.
Will he next feel around in the tub for a Pearl of Great Price?
Or a D&C?
Very sneaky of the folks who submitted the bathroom pics to undermine the "I'm with Mitt" message with the subtle reference to santorum. I like their style.
In France they call it "Le Hot Pocket" – it's the little things.
I always thought is was simply "Merde".
Yay; it was awesome seeing MissTaken's entry at the top of the post (she emailed me a copy too), congrats sweetie!
Thanks hun. Now get a room!
Are you and Miss Taken an item? If so that would be amazingly perfect and cool.
You hadn't noticed? Yes, we are.
Yes, it's true. He came out to SF back in Feb (and returning tomorrow, yay!) and I headed to Philly in April.
He's meeting my parents this weekend, wish him luck. He's gonna need it!
Awwwwww, how perfect is that! A Wonkette Romance.
As for the dog picture, like my friend's wife said at a Jesus Lizard concert "I could have gone with out seeing his balls, but I would have felt ripped off if I didn't see them."
The Book of Penthouse is more interesting.
Some bibliographies are more equal than others.
OT: How could I forget this NSFW Ray Bradbury tribute, which is now advocating necrophilia?
Someone called me and said that my vote had already been recorded.
meltons DAY ONE got me to laugh, so I'm demanding ………eh…never mind.
That dog has a bigger member than Mittens, I'm sure…
Well, I am beyond proud!
"meltons"
Great job, you Instaheroes! I'm especially fond of the "Castle Wolfenstein" one because it reminds me of back when I was twelve or so and would play that game in a dark corner of my basement before furtively just cold jackin' it to "Aerobicise" on a 9" b&w teevee.
"American Greatness", indeed.
Speaking of jacking, I finally posted a 34 item long list of shit in that Dubya desecration: http://wonkette.com/474076/contest-what-is-this-o…
Thanks again for all your awesome suggestions and aww, shucks compliments.
(There were a bunch of replies that I intended to make Monday night after returning to SF from an off-the-grid stint up the coast, but I had full-on steering and brake failure on Highway 1 north of Jenner, nearly plunged 150 feet into the Pacific, just got home this morning, and am still shitting myself. It. Was. Bad. I swear to catch-up over the next few days, but have other stuff to address at the moment. Sorry.)
Uh. Glad you're OK and in one piece. I've done that drive before, thinking about it makes my stomach feel like it just dropped right out of my body.
Thanks for the list, mate.
Cripes, glad to hear you are still with us, we really can't afford to lose anyone right now.
I'm really hurt. The only chance we get at dick shots, and the only dick in there is a dog's. I hope you're happy, Wonketz. I just hope you're happy, that's all.
I, too, am disappointed in the lack of junk shots.
Kudos to "Robert." Nice job.
Damn! I missed this contest! And it looks like it was fun!
"I fail to see the humor in this." – Mitt Romney.
the mittbot 2000 doesn't come with a humor chip.
Mittbot to self: "Humans find this funny. Activate laugh."
Mittbot laughs mechanically. Then its jaw falls off.
Zim: What did you do with the humor chip?
MittGir: I had to make room for the tuna!
This is the first time in my adult life I've ever been proud of my country.
…or would admit in any shape or form to being associated with Wonkette. Nicely done too.
you guys these are so damn funny.
i wish i could see them all. you all should post!
VISZLA!!!
(ours is a girl so we don't have to look at balls all the time, yay)
This is my finest hour. I demand a prize of a Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup in Georgia.
I'm in Decatur!
Contest Libel! My KKK entry had to be the winner!
meh.. I've got something hot in my pocket and you can eat it.
Post them all! We wanna see!
It turns out that Hot Pockets are made by Nestlé, so they're as Swiss as Mitt's bank accounts.
Also:
What are you, the Comics High School Guidance Counselor?
Well, at least he's not a girl, or he'd probably have a dozen kids by now.
Dog balls, Moobs, and Nazi furries.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
Objection!
This filth looks pretty shameless to me.
AAAAA+++++ WOULD LOL AGAIN
No scissors?
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