Planned Parenthood Wants To Force Abort Your Third GraderWhat’s new in Planned Parenthood genociding? We aggregate Ghost Andrew Breitbart aggregating the Los Angeles Times for answers, and lord do we find them! Did you know Roosevelt High School, in a low-income, heavily Latino area (Boyle Heights, LA peeps), still has lots of teen motherhood? And that in order to do something about this, they are bringing Planned Parenthood on campus? And that the parents simply REFUSE to be SO ANGRY? What fresh horror is this???

Single motherhood rates among teens are down in Los Angeles County for the last several years; for teenagers 15-19, there were 29 births per thousand, vs. 37 per thousand in 2005. But at Roosevelt High School, located in a low-income, heavily Latino area, single motherhood is still out of control.

So the school will now host Planned Parenthood on campus. Students do not need parental permission to receive either an abortion or contraceptive care in California. Planned Parenthood provides free contraceptive care, including a patch, a ring, pills, or a shot. “We don’t really experience the traditional narrative of angry parents not wanting access to reproductive care in the schools,” explained Planned Parenthood’s LA executive director, Sue Dunlap. “It’s really the opposite.”

Our teeth, they are gnashed to stubs! Our hair, it is torn! Our 18-year-old son, he has not yet knocked anyone up in spite of his best efforts!

Particularly before the prom, students who are trained by Planned Parenthood explain to other students why they should use birth control. Girls as young as 13, 14, and 15 are regularly visiting the Planned Parenthood offices at the school.

Despite an initial dropoff in teen pregnancy at the school, single motherhood has risen again. In 2009, there were reportedly three pregnancies. In 2010, there were been 10.

Ten pregnancies in one high school in one year! Quick, do nothing about it! Oh, in case you were wondering which parts of the LAT’s got aggregated out of Breitbart’s report, this should have preceded the bit about the 10 pregnancies in 2010:

The campus began offering contraception and counseling in 1997. But in 2006, a collaboration with a local hospital ended and the school no longer had the resources to provide free contraceptives. In 2008, Medrano said, she saw 32 positive pregnancy tests during her peak period between March 1 and June 1 — around the time of spring break and prom.

Medrano then reached out to Planned Parenthood, which now provides a medical assistant, the contraceptives and the pregnancy and STDs testing. The organization bills Family PACT, a public program that provides family planning to low-income and uninsured California residents.

In 2009, Medrano said, she saw three pregnancies during the same time period. The numbers have since climbed to about 10.

Anything else, Ghost?

It is unclear whether Planned Parenthood offers abortion services at the school, or refers students to other Planned Parenthood clinics for such procedures.

We now have our Ghost Andrew Breitbart Rosetta Stone, fellows. “It is unclear.”

Obviously, the Planned Parenthood could be doing surgical abortions during the second period nutrition break. It would be irresponsible not to posit they are.


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  • Barb

    I wouldn't sweat it. The LA Kings could cinch the Stanley Cup with a win tonight and that means the rioting fans will probably burn the whole town down anyway.

    If anyone lives in LA, could you snatch me some Tide detergent while you are looting, please?

    • Yes, nothing like storming Glendale whites roaming downtown with empty Chardonnay cups…

    • ShreditorsDesk

      Noway mamacito, how bout we just turn over a few police cars, have a fiesta and burn down Breitbart's ghost, eh? como si, como sa!

      • Barb

        Love your idea, Shreditor. It's even better if I get some of those cute little Tide laundry packs out of the deal. I'm thinking about going back to work and I want my housekeeper happy.

        • flamingpdog

          Going back to work? They have, what is it called, um, oh, job openings in New Mexico? Mebbe things are looking up!

          • Barb

            I'm not sure of the job openings. My husband employs a few thousand people. He can just fire one of them once I decide which job I want.

            Just kidding, thinking about opening my own business.

        • Chichikovovich

          I'm thinking about going back to work

          Joke writer for the Daily Show? Make sure you demand top dollar up front!

          (Look what happened to poor Mika….)

          • Barb

            Chic, that is so sweet, thanks!

    • Callyson

      Will do–any particular kind of Tide that you prefer?

      (Christ, remember when laundry detergent only claimed to clean clothes, not preserve the black/import a fresh scent (excuse me, that's why I buy perfume, thanks)/save the environment/ad nauseam?)

      • Barb

        Scratch the Tide, I need diapers. Christine is in labor.

        • Callyson

          Aw! Good luck to her!

          • Barb


          • nounverb911

            So Mitchell has seniority?

            Keep us posted and good luck.

        • flamingpdog

          YAY, and it's not even Labor Day! Two bad the two girls couldn't go into labor on the same day. If they had, they could have formed a labor union.

        • Chichikovovich

          Good luck and best wishes! Is this the "no fooling, we can't slow it any more" labor, or the "it will come soon but we can temporize a bit longer" labor?

          • Barb

            It's no fooling. 1 cm, 50% effaced.

          • Chichikovovich

            Please keep us informed, we'll be cheering medical science along with you and radiating all the good will we can summon.

          • Barb

            Thanks, Chich. I have a feeling this one is going to take a while.

        • SorosBot

          Good luck to the daughters!

          • Barb

            Thanks Soros, it's been 50 hours since I've had a grandchild. I am so ready for another.

          • flamingpdog

            My two grandkids came about 50 seconds apart, with a little help from a C-section. Hang in there, grams!

          • You mean you're a GrandpaRodent, pdog?

          • flamingpdog

            2 grandpuppies via my getting-fed-up-with-Mormons Mormon daughter.

          • (Gives the pdog a squeezy hug) Congrats! And here I was thinking you were a young 'un rodent!

            Congrats to daughter, also! Who knows, she may decide to find her own freedom soon. Been reading some of them feminist Mormons, and they don't sound too entranced with their religion either. So, boy-pups or girl-pups? Or one of each?

          • flamingpdog

            One of each. And, DUUUUDE, I'm old enough to have actually voted for *cough, hides face under paws* Dickie Nixon in 1972.

        • Best wishes on the new arrival! Pls update when you can.

      • Barb

        Cally, you wanna see me sneeze? I can smell Snuggle 3 houses away.

  • getting down on your knees and praying to god isn't good birth control, catlickers. it's the gateway position to beejays and then babies.

    • Negropolis

      There would be less babies if people got down on their knees and prayed, though.

  • Our 18-year-old son, he has not yet knocked anyone up in spite of his best efforts!

    So he's a rêtard.

    • anniegetyerfun


      • Barb

        Annie, Thanks! (seriously)


  • FakaktaSouth

    If these people have access to things that raise their standard of living, upon whom will we look down, vilify and use to make ourselves feel so superior whilst simultaneously voting against our own interests? These children must keep having children, the entire Republican party depends on it.

  • Come here a minute

    Another case of the lucky-ducky poor urbans getting free stuff, while posh suburban teens have to swipe mommy's credit card to pay for Planned Parenthood.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    It is unclear whether Planned Parenthood offers abortion services at the school

    So that's what was in the pizza…

    • flamingpdog

      Check the outgoing mail at the school to see if there are any refrigerated boxes going to Barb's house.

    • TootsStansbury

      Hey, we used to call our school's "deep dish pizza" "abortion bread" back in the day (1970s).

      • Sick little puppies. I love it.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Has Brietbart's Ghost informed the Vatican about this genocide? You know how much the Nazi Pope likes the genocide. Oh wait, that's only after the precious feti are borned.

  • It is unclear whether Planned Parenthood offers abortion services at the school

    PROTIP to Roosevelt High students: don't eat the lasagna on Wednesdays.

  • widestanceromance

    So, are 'morning after'-laced creamed chipped beef and bullet peas served daily in the cafeteria?

  • fartknocker

    I wonder if the zoning would allow me to add another Abortionplex to my vast franchise?

    • If you have enough money, we can change the zoning.

  • prommie

    Welfare is racist, birth control is racist, affirmative action is racist, every program and policy ever thought up by liberals was actually part of a deep, dark secret plot, everything the liberals ever did to try to help any group other than white male gun-lovers, was actually part of a plot to keep them all down, to subjegate and exploit. Oh, and slavery was a benevolent institution that was enjoyed by all.

    The whole fucking GOP has descended into the pit of GlennBeckian madness.

    • FakaktaSouth

      But wouldn't that make you feel better if you were a terrible truly racist asshole needing a reason not to face your own evil? I know it would me. Also, say "subjugate and exploit" again. But like you mean it.

      • prommie

        Just like its comforting to think you earned your money and you deserve to keep it all cause taxes are slavery and it and it wasn't fucking luck or the enormous benefits of family connnections and such all what and such that got you where you are.

        So thats why welfare is worse than subjugation, its bondage, its like tying people up with leather cords and putting a ball-gag in their mouth and then stepping on them and making them lick the bottom of your shoe, before you tie them to the bedposts and exploit the fuck out of them.

        • Generation[redacted]

          It certainly wasn't a stable economic system protected by laws that allowed you to earn government-issued money and keep it in a federally-insured bank. You owe them nothing!

    • Problem is, they're taking the whole fucking country with them.

    • kingofmeh

      the criminal justice system, on the other hand, is a shining beacon of equality.

  • But some of these kids could be illegals, which means their children are anchor babies, which Ghost Breitbart opposes. So wouldn't them NOT having babies be a good thing? Oh noes my head, it has exploded!

    • Harmony times I gotta tell you children, NEVER use logic on wingnuttian arguments? You SEE what happens? You SEE?

    • anniegetyerfun

      Remember, it's only the fetuses that we care about. Not the little brown babies once they are borned.

  • veritass

    It's amazing that, to some people, access to contraception doesn't mean a lower pregnancy and STD rate. Just look at the freaking numbers. And if numbers scare you, just put yourself in the mind of a 16 year old boy.

    Let me help: when I was 16, I put my dick in close to anything that walked/talked/said yes. I was an irresponsible, slightly out of control teenager… but you know what? I wasn't a statistical outlier. I was the norm, because teenagers have crazy hormones and before this century we would have had 4 kids by that age.

    I'm glad all of my high school companions were smarter than I was and insisted on safe sex, because at that time I didn't care. Wrap it, don't wrap it, whatever. Just get it in. That desire wouldn't have gone away just because you told me in a classroom that I should "wait."

    • flamingpdog

      Maybe if Nancy Reagan had just come to your high school and said "Just say no", things would have been different. I know if I were in high school today and saw Nancy Reagan at my school, it would be a long time before I could get another boner.

    • Gone AWAY? The very mention of sex was enough to cause a rock-hard boner which took about five trips to the loo to subdue. "Wrestling with temptation" indeed!

    • anniegetyerfun

      Weird, because sex ed TOTALLY kept me from having sex until I was nearly 18. I was terrified of becoming pregnant or catching herpes. Our middle school brought in a bunch of tired teen moms to tell us that yes, they loved their kids but no, they would totally do it differently if they could do it over. They convinced me.

  • Goonemeritus

    I’m trying to follow the logic if preventing pregnancy by using contraceptives is genocide wouldn’t it follow that abstinence must also be genocide. Well I will have to address this issue with the wife I certainly don’t want the UN sanctioning me.

    • I get the feeling this "addressing" will involve lots of hot panting, sweating, and chasing around furniture, all in search of those elusive "answers." Be sure to tell her it's the only way to save both of you from the Black Helicopters. Hopefully, she is a woman with a marvellous sense of humour and will thoroughly enjoy it.

      • Goonemeritus

        I’m afraid we are too old for most of that; a typical date night starts with us reading Noam Chomsky aloud to one another and ends with us crying ourselves to sleep.

        • Oh, like us. I see why you're crying yourselves to sleep: it's your choice of reading material. You need to start picking up copies of the local alternative paper and reading Dan Savage columns aloud to each other.

          You'll still cry, but they'll mostly be tears of laughter.

  • timbo71351

    If only Ghost Andrew Breitbart's mother had used birth control……

    • If only Ghost Andrew Breitbart's adoptive parents had been able to have children of their own! You know that miserable little worm wouldn't have been able to get squat without his adoptive Daddy's money.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Ghosts don't need birth control! It just goes right through them.

  • edgydrifter

    Preventing Latino children from being born into lives of impoverishment, scorn and arduous labor? Where's the fun in that? The last thing a Breitbarter wants is anything that might reduce the number of people he can look down his nose on.

  • If my son gets pregnant at one of these Government Schools I'll be as pissed off as GolemBart needs me to be. I promise. I've explained the thinking-about-baseball-players technique, and anyone interfering with my right to impose familial ignorance is looking for a good punch in the nariz.

    • swordfis

      He's more of a dybbuk – the Golem was a mensch.

  • tihond

    It's ok, they're just handing out knee aspirin.

  • DaSandman

    Now if you give'em contraception, where will the 1% get their future house serfs from?

    Why does Planned Parentood hate America?

    • Exactly. All those little consumers, soldiers, and hired help gotta come from somewhere.

      • anniegetyerfun

        SOMEONE has to go to car elevator installation vocational school, and it ain't going to be me.

  • Schmannnity

    I wonder when the Republican Confederacy Party is going to wake up and realize that contraception and abortions for the poor and brown is a solution to their demographic quandary.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Give white parents the option to opt out and let their kids get pregnant. Problem solved!

    • flamingpdog

      But driving them back over the border at the urging of a loaded shotgun in the back and then shooting them when they try to come back over the border is so much more fun.

  • edgydrifter

    I didn't not hear that Planned Parenthood was shooting up girls with hepatitis-tainted needles, so this is probably also true.

    • anniegetyerfun

      It is unclear whether Planned Parenthood is lopping off the penises of fine, young white men on school premises.

  • chascates

    Bristol Palin sighs in sorrow.

    • scvirginia

      Thank you!!! No article on teen momz would be complete without reference to Teen Fertility Goddess Bristol Palin…

  • M. Szyslak

    If they was Tejanos, they'd all got 3 pinche ninos already.

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    We don’t really experience the traditional narrative of angry parents not wanting access to reproductive care in the schools, explained Planned Parenthood’s LA executive director, Sue Dunlap. “It’s really the opposite.” That kind of dumb shit only happens in the redneck r**tard states.

    • Thank you, HET. It seems we have someone on board who is fluent in translating from TeabaggerRedneck to Human.

  • Estproph

    Why do they even need Planned Parenthood? Don't they know that women are supposed to have chastity belts until they get married?

  • OneYieldRegular

    Ten pregnancies at a single high school in a single year? For the sake of efficiency, why not just make the school K-12?



  • Callyson

    “We don’t really experience the traditional narrative of angry parents not wanting access to reproductive care in the schools,” explained Planned Parenthood’s LA executive director, Sue Dunlap. “It’s really the opposite.”

    Angry, hell, they're grateful not to become grandparents before their time.

  • SorosBot


    • Barb

      Hey, what about the "ribs for her pleasure?" That fetus BBQ pit ain't gonna fill itself, ya know.

    • flamingpdog

      Robots come in colors?

  • johnnymeatworth

    " In 2010, there were been 10." Did bring on B'rer Rabbit as a staff writer?

    • scvirginia

      Remus Libel!

  • Blueb4sunrise

    needz moar sexy teen witches comics.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It is unclear if writers for any of Zombie-Brietbart's properties are complete morons, or just owe their souls to Breitbart's former employer/current host, the devil.

  • JustPixelz

    Abortion is the sad end to someone's longer story, where choices dropped away until abortion was the only thing left. The obsessiveness of "pro-life" — and their tolerance of violence in their name — is mind-boggling; they're like drug addicts, anti-abortion is their heroin.

    Anyway … "pro-lifers" : Call me when you're against the death penalty, because "life is sacred". Also call me when you're against nuking Iran, because "life is sacred" whether you like their religion or not. Also call me when you've written a check to curb starvation and disease in the world, because those things take "innocent human life" too.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And what does it say about California educational funding if the high school doesn't have a surgical ward where abortions can be performed? Why isn't Zombie-Brietbart all over that?

  • "It is unclear whether Planned Parenthood offers abortion services at the school, or refers students to other Planned Parenthood clinics for such procedures."

    Isn't this what conservatives mean by "school choice"?

    • anniegetyerfun

      I got me some vouchers!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    It remains unclear if Brietbart died by choking on a 14-year old's penis, or from shoving a cattle prod up his own ass.

  • TootsStansbury

    Everything the far right shrieks about they really want to do themselves. "Voter Fraud" = rigged elections. "FEMA death camps" = "free speech zones". This business and similar "charges" of race and or sex-based birth selection; they would so love to be able to pull that one off. You can glean their whole agenda by their over the top projection.

    Oh I gotta be funny. Um I'm cranky I just woke up from a nap…Boogers! no, ah, Balls!

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Psychological projection. It's how Republicans roll.

  • owhatever

    How in the world does a beautiful young high school girl get pregnant? It is not to believe, but not hard to conceive, although it has to be hard to conceive. End of ghost story.

  • pinkocommi

    But, people…. if Planned Parenthood stopped giving out free contraceptives, all of those lusty, hormone-addled teenagers would choose abstinence over rompy-pompy. Like, totally. OMG. That's what the George W. Bush administration would have us believe anyway.

    • Girls might, given the consequences for them. But then, there's always rape, or other nonconsensual sex.

      There is no power on heaven or earth that would move a teenage BOY to choose abstinence over rompy-pompy. Unless he's gay and terrified of being discovered, he's gonna be sticking it in anything he CAN.

  • Guppy

    What if the high school military recruiters handed out free condoms?

  • those dolls remind me of that jenna and barbara bush picture.

  • ttommyunger

    And I thought I was obsessive about genitalia. These motherfuckers make me look like Mother Teresa.

  • I like that "former employer/current host," Lionel. I wish I could work it into something. No jokes about NotSoBrightBart's nether regions, please.

  • It would be irresponsible not to speculate just cold make shit up!

  • Tommmcattt

    " It would be irresponsible not to posit…"?

    Too good for the hoi-polloi memes, are we?

  • PubOption

    I'm turning dyslexic, I read 'prom' as 'porn' at first.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    It is unclear whether Planned Parenthood offers abortion services at the school, or refers students to other Planned Parenthood clinics for such procedures.

    It is also unclear whether or not Andrew Breitbart really died from being fucked to death by a randy stallion after a particularly epic meth and oxycontin binge. I mean I haven't seen an autopsy report that proves that he wasn't fucked to death by a randy stallion after a particularly epic meth and oxycontin binge.

  • niblick77

    In 2010, there were been 10.

  • Is everything considered genocide these days… I read a story about how they were offering money to junkie women that already had more than one child, to be sterilized… and quite a few were outraged by this and called it genocide as well. When In reality these women would continue to get pregnant, and bring more children into the world that would just end up in foster homes…

    Frankly I see this as solving a problem, teenagers don't have the money or intelligence to seek out contraceptives, so why not shove it in their faces and give them a goodie bag with condoms and everything…

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