shameless speculation

Did Bilderberg Monsters Just Crown Mitt Romney Your Next Leader?

Spot the bot, kids!

Hot rumors suggest that Mitt Romney may have been in attendance at last weekend’s top secret Bilderberg enclave in Virginia, where he may or may not have been anointed America’s next ruler by the world leaders of government, finance, media and technology and also possibly imbibed a chalice of Henry Kissinger’s blood as an oath of obedience, or not. (“Or not” meaning the blood. The obedience was undoubtedly sworn.) There were witnesses!

No press is ever allowed inside the conference or even inside the hotel, so that the participants may plot freely and munch loudly on the bones of the poor, we hear. Guardian Bilderberg maven Charlie Skelton was nonetheless on the scene hanging out on the lawn again this year to collect all the hot dirt from the help:

Four eyewitnesses on the hotel staff told me Willard Mitt Romney was here at Bilderberg 2012. My four eyewitnesses place him inside. That’s one more than Woodward and Bernstein used. Romney’s office initially refused to confirm or deny his attendance as Bilderberg is “not public”. They later said it was not him.

Ha ha, FLIP-FLOPPER. This means he was there.

So, was he being crowned, or singing for his supper? Will Mitt Romney follow in the august footsteps of Clinton, Cameron and Blair to have attended Bilderberg and then shortly become leader? Four years ago, Senator Obama shook off his press detail and nipped (many think) into Bilderberg. This exact same hotel.

Did Romney have to get down on one knee in front of David Rockefeller? This sounds flippant, but it’s a serious question: has Bilderberg switched allegiance? Are they going to toss away Obama after just one term?

We bet he wanted to write “two knees,” but the Guardian is considered “respectable.” None of that here! Now, can we find some vague circumstantial evidence to conclusively prove that Mitt Romney was handing out sex favors at Bilderberg?

There it is! According to POLITICO’s handy calendar of Mitt Romney’s schedule, he was officially doing nothing on Sunday and Monday, which means secretly doing something else. CASE CLOSED. [Guardian]

What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


  1. Barb

    Next stop is Wasilla, where Romney will have some Moosburger Helper with Sarah Palin, the "kingmaker"

      1. Barb

        Nah, he'll probably wait until he's fed up with her shrieking and then snap and do it.

    1. chicken_thief

      Maybe he could suggest some names for Bristol's dog while dining with the Palin fam. And play toss with Todd and Todd's youngest.

    2. bagofmice

      Unless his cologne doubles as an insect repellent, there is no way he would soil his shoes with the earth of Wasilla.

  2. SorosBot

    Who controls the British crown?
    Who keeps the metric system down?
    We do! We do!

    Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
    Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
    We do! We do!

    Who holds back the electric car?
    Who made Steve Gutenberg a star?
    We do! We do!

    Who robs cavefish of their sight?
    Who rigs every Oscar night?
    We do! We do!

  3. Antispandex

    Unlikely. Mitt is at least a nominal Morman. Why does he need to fill a need for more insanely comical rituals? It isn't like he doesn't already have a fresh new planet staked out for the next life, with some sweet celestial wives to get after.

      1. Antispandex

        Yes. The opposite of Morbabe. Much like the 72 virgins, they sort of get the raw end of it. No planet for you, if you have lady parts.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Once you go Mormal you never go Normal? Why not just pile some more autocratic, magical thinking on top the the pile he already collected?

  4. johnnyzhivago

    Hate to burst your bubble – but no conspiracy theory here at all… He was at the meeting, but only there to participate in the Soylent Green meetings with the Aliens.

    1. Halloween Jack

      There's a lot of drinking that goes on there, or so I've heard. Proof of Mittens getting shitfaced there would slice off a big chunk of the magic underwear vote; whatever he did while shitfaced would just be gravy.

  5. Arken

    Charlie Rose was there too. I'm thinking he'll be our new leader, addressing us all from the black void of nothingness where he interviews celebrities.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        I remember listening to Art Bell back in the late 1990s back when batshit crazy hadn't yet become mainstream.

      1. Halloween Jack

        They genetically engineer their prostitutes. That, in fact, is Mitt's secret origin.

  6. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm confused. Shouldn't Mittens be the one on his knees in that picture?

  7. CthuNHu

    Correction: Romney will snort a line of Kissinger's blood as an oath of obedience. That stuff hasn't been liquid since Nixon shuffled off his mortal coil (and was, incidentally, baptized the next day by Willard M. Romney himself). It's like weaponized anthrax, only it kills your soul first. This could be interesting with Mitt, as it might crash his OS.

    (Side question: what OS does Willard run, anyhow?)

    1. HogeyeGrex

      what OS does Willard run, anyhow?


      Though that may fit better as "what OS does is Willard run by, anyhow?"

  8. Callyson

    I put this question to author and Bilderberg expert Webster Tarpley. Is Wall Street going to throw its chips in with Romney? "I think there's a frisson that's gone through the ruling class against Obama," he says. The leak we had from the flirty hotel staffer corroborated this. "They don't seem to like Obama very much," he said.
    Tarpley's conclusion is this: "They want Romney and Mitch Daniels, who will run together as moderate rightists." Governor Daniels of Indiana was on the official list.

    The ruling class hates Obama? All the more reason not to let last night's results demoralize us from busting our asses this November.

    Also–moderate rightists? I did not think anyone could invent a better oxymoron than compassionate conservative, but I bow to perfection. Well done, Mr Tarpley!

    1. HogeyeGrex

      moderate rightists

      So, that would be "nailed to the inside starboard wall" rather than "outside with the barnacles" I suppose.

  9. Goonemeritus

    If he was there he was singing for his supper, he may be rich by our standards but he is not Queen of England or Colonel Sanders rich.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      There's going to be lots of cozy cottages in that book, I can't wait! And the key to the mystery is hidden inside the coziest cottage of them all. Also it's snowing, but not too much, just enough to give everything a nice wintery look.

      And the movie will be filmed in SparkleVision[tm]

  10. BlueStateLibel

    So basically all this election stuff is just make-work for CNN, Fox, et al?

  11. ThundercatHo

    I picture Mittens on all fours clad only in magic underwear, "Thank you sir! May I have another?".

  12. OneYieldRegular

    This incredible news will finally reveal to the world that Mitt Romney has ties to powerful corporate and governmental interests bent on increasing their political power.

  13. mavenmaven

    Apparently Mitt's already arranged the posthumous baptism of the Elders of Zion and the Worshipful Masters of the Freemasons.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, was this the ceremony where they transfer the evil life force form the husk of Cheney's body to Romney?

  15. SorosBot

    He'll also be attending a secret meeting to sacrifice his firstborn for the support of the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart.

  16. Generation[redacted]

    That Build-a-Burger restaurant is just the laziest business model ever.

  17. WhatTheHeck

    The Bilderburg gods looked down from the heavens and determined that Obama and his Argonauts had not fulfilled their part of the bargain made to the gods. So they passed the golden magic underwear to a new Jason.

  18. prommie

    Sideboob or GTFO!

    I refuse to believe there is anything serious or nefarious about the Bilderbergs now that I see that they met in a fucking Highway Exit Hotel in Chantilly, Virginia.

    1. Mumbletypeg

      But didn't you read, just last thread? The richest echelon of jobcreat-nots has suffered losses, too! It affects all aspects of their tragic lives. I hope their hotel had enough mattress layers to cushion their guests' powdered patoots from discerning the peaons sandwich'd within~

  19. Steverino247

    Could we get a frame from that movie a bit further along? You know, when those robes come off?

  20. Ruhe

    "Bilderburg" Image of a mountain? Mountain image/painting? Imaginary mountain?….

    1. George Skullfry

      Mountainous pile of Kinkade, McNaughton, etc paintings.

      Apply 451F solution.

  21. el_donaldo

    You know, by that logic Obama has been at 50,000 cookouts at Bill Ayers house. Which he has.

  22. Poindexter718

    Romney was there.
    I have it on good authority that he had Mitch Daniels, Austan Goolsbey, Fouad Ajami and James Wolfehnson hold down Ken Mehlman while he cut the poofter's girly hair.

    1. littlebigdaddy

      Well, they were initiating a new Knights of the Order Breitbartia! Or maybe it was Rainbow Brite–not sure.

  23. owhatever

    We are the Bilderbergs, busy building better borgs and botts,
    And we like what we see in Mitt.
    If he only had a brain.

  24. pinkocommi

    From wikipedia: "Proponents of Bilderberg conspiracy theories in the United States include individuals and groups such as the John Birch Society, political activist Phyllis Schlafly, writer Jim Tucker, political activist Lyndon LaRouche, radio host Alex Jones, and politician Jesse Ventura,"

    Please, God, let the Bilderberg conspiracy be totally wrong, if for no other reason so that the John Birch Society, Phyllis Schlafly, Lyndon LaRouche and Jesse Ventura remain on my list of the "stupidest people in the world."

  25. ttommyunger

    From wikipedia: "Proponents of Bilderberg conspiracy theories in the United States include individuals and groups such as the John Birch Society, political activist Phyllis Schlafly, writer Jim Tucker, political activist Lyndon LaRouche, radio host Alex Jones, and politician Jesse Ventura," – If any of the foregoing is even half true, we have nothing to fear from this gaggle of idiots and malcontents.

  26. Tommmcattt

    Staright people, was "Eyes Wide Shut" sexy to you? Because for me it had the arousal potential of a bag of sick, even when I imagined Fillipino porn stars in the lead roles.

    I've always wondered that.

  27. lightgraphs

    Much ado about nothing. Romney is such a pushy dufus I'm sure he showed up uninvited, hat in hand. John Kerry, next Secretary of State, was on the guest list. Case closed

Comments are closed.