not hugging not learning

No One Has To Slap Orly Taitz In The Face As She Will Never Concede, Never Surrender

:(Poor Tom Barrett, trying to weasel his way out of getting slapped by asking for a hug instead. NO TOM BARRETT. The lady will not hug you! SHE MAD! (We would post the video here, but it is useless, and we strongly suspect that the slap was to the shoulder or something, which is not nearly as cool as a nice bright face-slap for conceding a race while people are still voting, we don’t care what “math” says.)

But is there someone else yesterday who dreamed an unpossible dream — and who hasn’t given it up yet, and never will, because the bluebirds twittering around in her brainpan have warbled new promises to her in the secret language only they understand? There is! “Fwispdaggjerglaggjerblodt,” warbled the bluebirds! “I heed your call!” said dentist/lawyer/realtor/cosmonaut Dr. Orly Taitz, DDS MFA ETA Esq.! Then, as her eye orbs spun in their sockets, she shouted to the world from her Geocities website: THE MACHINES! After all, she is only in fourth place for the “top two” spot (ugh) to fight Dianne Feinstein lady-styley. Come to her aid, Americans!

Here, have some Orly Words, which we have run through Babelfish … oh, sorry, those were not run through Babelfish, those are the words that she did write.

The secretary of State of CA will continue counting the ballots until July 13. Currently I am 4th among 23 challengers to Feinstein. I will update you on the numbers, as more ballots are received, however the numbers are suspiciously off all 4 polls taken from March 7 until June 3rd. This is the reason, why first and for most we need transparency in the voting mchines.

At the moment nobody has a clue, how these machines are programmed. There is a high probability that different values were given to votes cast for different candidates. In Germany all electronic voting machines and electronic balot counting machines were banned because those are so easily rigged.

The fact that 4 polls were conducted, will help build a case for the need to ban the electronic voting machines and bring elections back to the people. The problem is that the judges are the product of these rigged elections: either they are a direct product of rigged elections or an indirect product, as appointees of the politicians, who are themselves the result of the rigged elections . It is hard to find a judge, who will be willing to do a thing to bring transparency back to elections and to bring transparency and accountability back to the White House and remove the criminal out of the White House.

Yeah, she’s got a point about the machines. If you want to read her next five thousand words about the corrupt GOP and the criminal’s criminal birth certificate showing that he is a criminal, and also why she will now begin her Vendetta against every single person in the nation, do, by all means, go here.

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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109 comments

    1. jjdaddyo

      She needs to get with the program– Republicans love them some electronic voting machines.

  1. chicken_thief

    "In Germany all electronic voting machines and electronic balot counting machines were banned…"

    First she goes full birther, now she wants to copy Euro fag soshulis?! Oily, how about a little consistency?

  2. memzilla

    Ever notice how you never see Mann Coulter and Orly Taintz together in the same picture?

    [No, this is not meant to be Adam's Apple libel.]

  3. chicken_thief

    A little ot, but she isn't the worst looking tranny I've ever seen. But close…

    1. mormos

      on the note of conspiracies, can I ask a very serious question. Now that California has changed their voting laws to make everything a big free for all, Orly has a very real chance of getting elected due to name recognition.

      I have no idea who is responsible for the change in California, but the thought of Taitz in power is scary. it seems laws are being changed all over the country in ways that implicitly favor Republicans. Then, when they gain control, they further change the law to remain in power (ala scott walker).

      How the hell are democrats supposed to compete, when they are trying to run a democracy, and republicans are trying to wage a war? Does anyone else feel like this is the situation? I feel like Republicans have decided their positions aren't popular, so they are trying to cut the people out of the process.

      this is my worried face. what do I do if Mittbot actually wins? After Wisconsin, it seems like any number of horrifying things are possible.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        "I feel like Republicans have decided their positions aren't popular, so they are trying to cut the people out of the process."

        Bingo! That's what they're trying to do FL. Wouldn't surprise me if we had a repeat of the 2000 Presidential election in November thanks to Floriduh.

  4. prommie

    She certainly doesn't need any more taps with the ugly stick, or the crazy stick, for that matter. Has she checked the birth certificates of everyone who voted for her opponent yet?

  5. Dashboard Buddha

    "Yeah, she’s got a point about the machines."

    Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

  6. Barb

    ……." and also why she will now begin her "Vendetta" against every single person in the nation"

    Is "vendetta" another word for "vagina?"

  7. mavenmaven

    This is classic, straight from her site (in FULL CAPS ON THE SITE): Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Ladian and Mr. Schmidt for your generous combined donation to KFI of $7,500 to promote my candidacy. unfortunately, sladerous remarks by host John kobylt destroyed all value in these donations and caused damage.

    Those sladerous remarks causing damage again! And what does this even mean: "competitor party pupper, Washington lobbyist Emken"

  8. Billmatic

    So when Orly says that we need to make sure the voting machines are transparent she probably means that literally, right?

    also, she's not wrong. She just doesn't, know where to put commas.

  9. bolognawallet

    "The fact that 4 polls were conducted"

    Four polls! That must mean it's true. And you're supposed to spell out numbers ten or less.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      It would be orange, too, but she doesn't get as much petting from Boehner as Trump does.

    2. sewollef

      Made at Foxconn, China, by, a 12-year-old, earning, 10¢, per hour.

      My commas, are better, than Oily's.

  10. CapeClod

    Not really surprised about her attitude toward judges considering how many have yelled at her for being a stupid fucking nut.

  11. Exhausted66

    I stood there… with my little ink mark maker… but my ballot said "choose only one." Why was I only given a one-vote ballot?
    I'm sorry Orly!

      1. Exhausted66

        I thought about it, TG. First I hovered over DiFi, but her comments about Bain sickened me, so I voted for the last name on the ballot that said "Democrat" next to it. I hope that nice lady appreciates my vote. Orly's name was staring at me the whole time.

        Democracy!

    1. Steverino247

      Because enough of us think she's funny enough to vote for in a known landslide…

  12. TheGyrus

    We need to go back to voting by punching out chads. There could never be a dispute about how those are counted!

  13. Ruhe

    …"first and for most we need transparency in the voting mchines."

    For most, not for all. Some of you must remain in the dark. This is nature's way.

  14. Oblios_Cap

    There is a high probability that different values were given to votes cast for different candidates

    She has a point.

    If one considers a value greater than 0 and less than .5% a high probability.

  15. FlownOver

    If only we had hereditary judges, or maybe judges anointed by Dave & Charlie, free from the taint (heh, heh) of public selection.

  16. Dildeaux

    "This is the reason, why first and for most we need transparency in the voting mchines."

    That sentence right there tells us all we need to know. So much fail in so few characters.

    Transparent voting mchines sound really cool, though.

  17. widestanceromance

    Dear Aviation Scientists,

    When the day comes that Jeebis has lifted her eternal soul up to heaven, please use the facial expression seen in the above photo when her remains are made into a taxidermied drone for freedom.

    Thanks,
    WSR

  18. Abernathy

    It was a real face slap! But followed by a nice shoulder pat. That slapping lady should be the next Gov of Wisconsin.

  19. barto

    I am (not) so proud that my town's paper of record, the "Santa Barbara News-Suppressed", actually endorsed this lunatic (the paper is owned by another lunatic, so…). If they had'nt just printed my recent letter making a logical and concise case for single-payer health care, I was considering writing another 250-word missive consisting of the following question over and over: "Orly Taitz?"

  20. Joshua Norton

    Currently I am 4th among 23 challengers to Feinstein.

    Poor Orly. She's apparently unaware that most of those were joke votes from Dems who really wanted her to be the wingnut nominee.

  21. SigDeFlyinMonky

    I was abducted by space aliens, and I vote! Yesterday I made a spot next to O. Taitz. Deluded candidates are people too, my friend. But seriously, from years of fielding complaints in LA city council field offices, I know you can't fake the crazy. Go Orly, let your freak flag fly!

  22. Guppy

    The secretary of State of CA will continue counting the ballots until July 13.

    Let them feeneesh! Let them feeneesh!

  23. James Michael Curley

    "transparency in the voting mchines" is fine, just remind me to go blind if she is going through the airport scanners a head of me.

  24. Callyson

    The secretary of State of CA will continue counting the ballots until July 13

    Oh, Secretary, you know you should not tease Orly Taitz like that, right? You know it's not good to provoke the crazies, don't you?

  25. WIDTAP

    Remember Orly, always close every argument by bringing back to the President. Good girl.

  26. qwerty42

    I went to the site. Weird. Kind of paranoid. And what is this all about?

    please, write to Joe Farah of WND and let him know hos digusted you are with him promoting my competitor Emken, while they claim to be supporting eligibility issue.

    Tell sheriff Joe Arpaio, you will not get 1 cent more in donation, until you appear on June 12th in court in Indiana and testify

    Indiana? And WND is not as crazy as they seem?

  27. OneYieldRegular

    If Orly is so concerned about unreliable electronic voting, she should support CA Secretary of State Debra Bowen, who decertified machines made by Diebold and a couple of other manufacturers. Oh wait! Orly ran against Bowen for the position. And with a spectacular lack of success, I might add.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Yes, and if it hadn't been for those rigged machines Orly would have won. Oh, and have you ever seen the long-form birth certificates for Debra Bowen or the programmers at Diebold?

  28. Tundra Grifter

    In Orly's hometown, back in the day things were a whole lot easier because there was only one candidate for each office.

  29. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I think Orly Taitz is my favorite Kristen Wiig character. Good to see her end her tenure at SNL on a high note.

  30. Wile E. Quixote

    At the moment nobody has a clue, how these machines are programmed. There is a high probability that different values were given to votes cast for different candidates. In Germany all electronic voting machines and electronic balot counting machines were banned because those are so easily rigged.

    You know who else rigged elections in Germany?

  31. lochnessmonster

    After reading that, I'd like to know how many cases she's handled as an attorney and the outcomes…

Comments are closed.