WONKETTE MEDIA DESK  11:05 am June 6, 2012

On Sideboob: The Deep Impact and Thundering Significance Of Arianna Huffington and the Sides of Stars’ Boobs

by Josh Fruhlinger

sidemanboobIf anyone even vaguely involved in online publishing (or as we call it here in the year 2012, “publishing”) tries to tell you that they don’t pay attention to what the Huffington Post is up to, they are filthy liars. For good or for ill, HuffPo has changed the way we report politics, news, pets, sexy ladies, sexy ladies in bikinis, and everything else. That’s why it sent shockwaves through the industry last night when people began to notice an important new HuffPo vertical (this is web-dork-speak for “section”) dedicated entirely to sideboobs. That URL is huffingtonpost dot com slash news slash sideboob, so you know it’s bringing you all the important sideboob news; more in-depth features, the sideboob longreads, come later, we guess. The question that now confronts all other publishers is: do you get into a sideboob arms race with Arianna Huffington? We don’t have their deep pockets to pay sideboob-specialist paparazzi who hover at celebrities’ sides, waiting to see boobs, but we’ve aggregated our own sideboob slideshow for you, after the jump.

Angelina Jolie lies face down on a bed, no shirt on, back to you, her upper body propped up by pillows. She’s sort of holding herself up by hanging on to the thin metal bands of the headboard. It seems awkward, but she doesn’t look uncomfortable. You can see the side of her boob. She’s smiling at you, looking less severe than her current persona (this is a cover of a magazine from 2000). Her butt is covered with a sheet and there appears to be a toy tank parked on it, but that might be Photoshopped in. The tank’s significance is difficult to parse.

* * *

You tell him

* * *

Jennifer Aniston is sitting on a bed at an extremely awkward angle — her left leg is bent under her, her right leg is dangling off the side of the bed, her right arm is sort of grabbing onto the blanket, which has a silvery duvet cover that looks hard to get traction on. She’s wearing jean shorts that are obviously too big for her at the waist, and no shirt, so you can see the side of her boob. She’s looking at you over her shoulder. This is the somewhat famous GQ cover from December 2005. The date startles you for a minute — you thought this cover was older than that, but then you realize how long ago 2005 really was.

* * *

“The fetishization of social is celebrating something going ‘trending’ or going ‘viral’ without asking what it is that’s going trending or viral. We all need to do a better job of asking those questions, otherwise we’re going to find ourselves in the same dangerous area that mainstream media have found themselves in.” -Arianna Huffington, May 3, 2012

* * *

Cameron Diaz is standing with her left side to you, left arm lifted so her hand is on her head. She is wearing a shirt that literally has no sides to it. Like, it has a front and a back, which connect over her shoulders, but no sides. She’s also not wearing a bra, so you can see the side of her boob. You can actually see the featureless yellow background (computer-generated, or is she actually standing in front of a blank yellow wall?) between her back and the back panel of her weird sideless shirt. She is surrounded by teasers for Cosmo articles, because this is a Cosmo cover. “78 Ways To Turn Him On!” (#45: Show him the side of your boob.) “What Mean Want Most At 9 p.m.” (To see the side of your boob.)

* * *

Just keep looking at the dress, just keep looking at the dress

* * *

Anne Hathaway is walking away from you, towards some glass doors labelled “LIGHTHOUSE.” Where are you? What’s happening? This is a photo from Getty Images, taken in the real world, not some magazine cover, but in some ways it’s even more disorienting, because there’s no context to grab onto. She’s coming from some kind of formal event because she’s wearing what appears to be an expensive and fancy dress, the top half of which is two separate loops of shimmery fabric that come up from the waist, over the shoulders, and down her front to the waist again. As you might imagine from that description, you can see the side of her boob. She’s looking over her right shoulder and smiling at you, not unpleasantly.

* * *

“The reason AOL is acquiring The Huffington Post is because we are absolutely passionate, big believers in the future of the Internet, big believers in the future of content.” –AOL CEO Tim Armstrong, February 2011

* * *

Katy Perry is standing in front of a mysterious object, a jumble of shapes that you can’t interpret because she’s blocking most of it. She’s looking to your left, not at you, and is intensely holding an expression with her mouth in a smile that doesn’t convey any joy. She’s sick of this event (whatever it is, “Los Angeles, January 2010″ is all Getty Images will tell you about it) and all the photographs, or maybe her face just looks like that, now. She’s wearing what’s otherwise an unremarkable ecru shirt with golden floral prints, otherwise unremarkable except that it looks like it’s torn along the side — obviously its intentional, expertly distressed in some Bangladeshi factory, but the effect looks deliberately haphazard — from the armpit to the top of her ribcage. Most of this hole is covered by her left arm, but you can still see the side of her boob.

* * *

“We added original reporting as soon as I could. Things change and it takes a while for the narrative to be updated, because we did start as primarily a place for aggregation. This award makes it easier for the reality and the narrative to come together.” –Arianna Huffington on the site winning a Pulitzer Prize

* * *

There are other celebrities (Rachel McAdams) and people you suppose are celebrities (Audrina Partridge) and then there are just some American Apparel ads thrown in there, for no reason, one imagines American Apparel isn’t even paying because they’re ads for those weird wrestling singlet things that they don’t sell anymore, you don’t think. You can see the sides of their boobs. You can see the sides of all their boobs, you become an expert on sideboob, on assessing the different kinds, the different types of exposure, the different ways boobs are held in place, or not held in place, or held in place exactly such that, in still photos from Getty Images or on the covers of magazines, they appear to not be held in place. You can rate each sideboob in the slideshow on a scale from one star (“Too much — this is tacky territory”) to five (“Just a hint is beautiful”). You rate each one three (“You can see the side of her boob in this picture”). You give the three-star rating over and over again. “You can see the side of her boob in this picture.” “You can see the side of her boob in this picture.”

* * *

Clarence the angel weeps

* * *

“You can see the side of her boob in this picture.” [Sideboob]

 
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{ 184 comments }

Barb June 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

Now that Arianna has sold out to AOL, she is just their sideboob.
She seems to have a fascination with Gwyneth Paltrow's colon cleansing diets too.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

I think Wonkette cannot let this challenge to its domain stand without a fight!

Ladies, drop tops and cam the blog!

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Oh, very well…

/) <– sideboob

Biff June 7, 2012 at 10:06 am

Perky! Unlike –>u

Pragmatist2 June 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Don't we all?

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

Arianna Huffington? She's one of the biggest boobs around.

Biff June 7, 2012 at 10:07 am

One of my biggest fears was her interviewing Orly Taint.

Come here a minute June 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

SEO FTW.

Chill_Bill June 6, 2012 at 11:08 am

I'm shocked that the boobs at HuffPo would dare to have a section on sideboobs…

randcoolcatdaddy June 6, 2012 at 11:09 am

Sideboob? I thought that was their new revamped politics section…

Ruhe June 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

I thought it was an alternate name for that Ashley Madison site.

noodlesalad June 6, 2012 at 11:09 am

Frontboob or GTFO

Tundra Grifter June 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

Go back and view the classic Wonkette photo of the Brazilian protester.

Best photo here ever!

noodlesalad June 6, 2012 at 11:15 am

The guy being wheeled out on a gurney? I can never un-see that image. And I think that was front butt, technically.

Tundra Grifter June 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

NOOOO!

I'm cold – but a guy on a gurney? Nope.

This photo:
http://wonkette.com/244937/brazilian-protest-gals

The winner and still champion.

noodlesalad June 6, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Ah, I was thinking of the second image (not the crying eagle) on this post:
http://wonkette.com/465446/your-wonkette-has-a-ne

which is a repeated favorite.

Yours is much more enjoyable.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm

We were supposed to bring here here for Freedom.

FraAnima June 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

Sideboob is perfectly good boob.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:10 am

I'm so pleased to see Arianna upholding the time-honored traditions of journalism in informing the public and raising the level of civic discourse.

Tits or GTFO, Josh. Don't care you're a dude, I want to see boobies. I'll just pretend you're a waifish Malaysian hooker I'm acquainted with

FakaktaSouth June 6, 2012 at 11:11 am

Oh my god that is a lot of talking just to post tit-pic-links. (I am assuming, I couldn't figure out where they were) Is there this much about dick profiles somewhere? "Sock or Cock"? Maybe a little "Who Had Wood Where"? And now I miss Anthony Weiner.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

This is NSFW but was the best I could come up with, especially since "side cock" discussions seem to be centered around guns (what else?)

prommie June 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

Now we know who is the go-to dude when its dick pics you want!

FakaktaSouth June 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

Hey now, I appreciate it. I've never been so happy not to have to be Safe OR at Work. I may understand pervs more now. Just, you know, appreciating stuff.

Pseudonymously_Joe June 6, 2012 at 11:48 am

Thank goodness. With Andrew Breitbart's passing, I hadn't known who to turn to for that sort of thing.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

I have a list.

You know, for a friend.

prommie June 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Got any links to side-hermaphrodite, or freakishly large side-clit?

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Shirtcocking is the term you want to use. To counter this, a pants-cannon was developed.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Famous (or notorious) NSFW picture of a fully dressed Steve McQueen with his dick out:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/gavon/steve-mcqueens-peni

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Tiny little todger.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:25 pm

After listening to this, I'm starting to miss Weiner too.

bumfug June 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

And the front page will have articles wailing and gnashing teeth over sexism in our culture. Hypocritical douchebags.

nounverb911 June 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

Isn't Arianna the one who's teagabagger husband went all teabaggy on her?

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

Probably just after her boobs went all baggy

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I thought it was because he was just teabagging.

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

Well at least the sideboob pictures doesn't actually kill anybody, unlike Huffington Post's "health" coverage.

el_donaldo June 6, 2012 at 11:24 am

or delude you like their "science" coverage, or offer self-indulgent navel-gazing and justification for your narcissism like their "religion" coverage. The celebrity coverage is at least transparent about its superficial trashiness.

MadBrahms June 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Hey, leave organic cures-both-autism-and-cancer acai berry colonics out of this.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Yes, their role in the vaccine/autism bullshit should never be forgotten. They gave that blonde bimbo airhead room to air her dangerous, uninformed opinions that have now led to deaths from outbreaks of measles and whooping coughs — common, eradicable childhood illnesses.

Tundra Grifter June 6, 2012 at 11:12 am

Man did I read that headline wrong!

I thought "Sideboob" was (r)Money's choice for VPOTUS.

el_donaldo June 6, 2012 at 11:34 am

Sideboob in a Pants Suit? Alert RALPH4AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:35 pm

RMoney should (never) be so lucky. If Sideboob was his VP, he might actually win.

CapnRadio June 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

"Sideboob?" Please. Around here we prefer the formal lat-tatas.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:20 am

Sounds like a breakfast at Taco Bell.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

or one 'a' them fancy flavored coffees.

Tundra Grifter June 6, 2012 at 11:13 am

Based on this blog, I'm looking for Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller to start a vertical called "Sidedicks."

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

Sidesack.

Tundra Grifter June 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Clearly an improvement.

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 2:34 pm

So, older men?

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Or Peyronie's.

SnarkoMarx June 6, 2012 at 11:14 am

But is there a novelty sideboob I can put on my car?

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:20 am

Well, many cars DO have a car bra, so….

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

A few years back, I came up with the idea of a toy boob for babies. You could have a flannel one for them to hold during the day or sleep with at night (like a security blanket), and a terrycloth-covered one for a bath toy.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:38 pm

I'm thinkin' if you joined TWO of them together and put them on a frame, they'd make a great pillow for, you know, lonely guys and stuff. Maybe something wired to work with a very low-level warmth setting, something around 95F? And a gel, to imitate, or approximate the wonderful squooshiness of boobies. Yes?

Also, I would like to place an order for five units, and also to help with testing.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Fuck that, I want to meet the form model

boobookitteh June 6, 2012 at 11:15 am

I don't know if it's funny or sad that this is a total rip off of Peter Griffin's "The Sideboob Hour".

bureaucrap June 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

How about both? Real life parodies cartoons parodying real life. Perhaps it signifies more "synergy" between Huffington and Seth MacFarlane (she is already doing voices for "Cleveland Show" so I don't think this is a complete coincidence).

CherrysSecret June 8, 2012 at 3:02 am

Hilarious, had completely forgotten about that!.. Honestly I'd rather look at Peter's Sideboob than all these flat chested twigs they keep drawing attention to…. It's just not appealing.

Goonemeritus June 6, 2012 at 11:16 am

Wouldn’t visiting another internet site than Wonkette constitute disloyalty and require a period of re-education in a camp like setting?

FlownOver June 6, 2012 at 11:17 am

As soon as they reach Page 3-level pics our online "news" sources will have reached the hallowed "journalism" level of the Brit dailies. Until then, not worth clicking.

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 6, 2012 at 11:17 am

Side Tits or GTFO!

BerkeleyBear June 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

So a Family Guy joke (one of Peter's public access TV shows was a sideboob show) is now the buzzworthy latest addition to a Pulitzer Prize winning site? Everybody look out because its gonna start raining Fonzis on motorcycles and shark tanks any damn minute.

weejee June 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

Should give HuffPoo the Boobie Prize.

prommie June 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Journamalism! Hey, maybe political humor blogs ARE journalism now, if Huffpo is.

CapnRadio June 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

Any pics of Huffington? SLIDEBOOBS!

hagajim June 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

Two of my favorite things, skullduggery and sideboobery!

Baconzgood June 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

I find this easy to masterbate to.

(and I'm not ghey)

el_donaldo June 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

Especially Anne Hathaway. That's more than sideboob; that's 3/4 boob.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I find this easy to masturbate, too.

(and I'm bi)

Baconzgood June 6, 2012 at 4:31 pm

MEOW!

prommie June 6, 2012 at 11:20 am

Side boob is sad shit, what is the big fucking deal is full through-the-armhole-tit, with nipple! Now thats some special treat, like fucking getting struck with the accidental porn magic wand.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:43 pm

You could start carrying a flag around and just hope that someone salutes.

Estproph June 6, 2012 at 11:21 am

I think Sideshow Boob might be a better name.

mavenmaven June 6, 2012 at 11:24 am

Quick, sign on Paris Hilton as the new Wonkette, Jr!

Barb June 6, 2012 at 11:26 am

All hail Aerola Huffington!

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

I figured you would nip that one in the bud

Limeylizzie June 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

Hi Sister, do you have a grandbaby officially now?

Barb June 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

Hey Sis, yes he was born two days ago. I thought I was done with my knitting projects and I just whipped out the yarn to make a little hat for him.

I'm still waiting for Christine to have her baby now.

Limeylizzie June 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

We have another one coming in August, Jack has twin daughters and they both will have babies this year!

Barb June 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

That's so sweet. Congratulations!

MosesInvests June 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

A tip of the (something) for that one, Barb!

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 11:28 am

I am involved in online publishing and I avoid HuffPo like the plague. I don't care what you say.

UnholyMoses June 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

The next time Arianna rails against sexism and misogyny, will someone please slap the shit out of her and take away that Pulitzer the site received?

I mean … seriously? They have an entire sideboob section? Not a feature, but a entire SECTION? They going after that coveted 13-year-old-virgin-boy demographic or something?

Sheesh.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

Children are the future!

DemmeFatale June 6, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Reminds me of my cousin, Ben.
When he was 12, he would only wake up from a sound sleep if someone yelled "tits!"

thatsitfortheother1 June 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

When I read shit like this, I am so glad to have retired in Europe.

bureaucrap June 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

why? do they ban huffpo in the EU? They should.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm

No offense to you, but really? THAT's the tipping point? There's usually at least one article a day on wonketz, documenting yet another step in the sad decline of my once great country, that makes me wish I'd moved to Europe while I still could have afforded to move anywhere; but the fact that a lame website has now gotten marginally lamer isn't one of them.

thatsitfortheother1 June 7, 2012 at 5:21 am

I was referring to America's love/hate relationship with all things boob, not just Huffypuffy.

And I left the USA for good in 1990.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:32 am

OT: Ray Bradbury died

FraAnima June 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

And something wicked this way comes.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

I was going to snark about a casket and the temperature it burns at, but I don't have it in me right now. Gimme a minute

Blueb4sunrise June 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

"Sensitive' is your middle name.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

It's just that Bradbury represents good SF work, not the hackneyed faux-libertarian shit of a Heinlein.

I hope he's buried in his Magic White Suit

There. Made it.

PubOption June 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

It would be strange if he is buried rather than cremated.

prommie June 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Damn, beat me by seconds!

FraAnima June 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Yeah, could be too soon.

prommie June 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I assume he will be cremated.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 11:33 am

You know who else expressed preference for being photographed from one side?…

thatsitfortheother1 June 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

Baghdad Sideboob?

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

Alfred Hitchcock?

Pseudonymously_Joe June 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

Derek Zoolander?

OurHoboSenator June 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

Sarah Palin?

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

Harvey Dent?

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

My mom used to shriek "Don't take her left side! Her left side is awful!" when the photographer tried to pose me during family portraits.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Then your mom and Claudette Colbert sort of have something in common.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Gee, thanks, Mom. That could leave a kid with a lifelong problem. Well, at least it wasn't as bad as MY Mom. She used to say, "Don't include that kid, your camera lens will crack. HAHAHAA." Or "You don't look like your father. Your father's handsome."

Guppy June 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Lynndie England?

bagofmice June 6, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Speaking of upfisting…

not that Radio June 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Edwin Abbott Abbott?

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:48 pm
MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Hitler.

I don't care who it really was. I just wanted a chance to say "Hitler," just once. Bet someone beat me to it too.

el_donaldo June 6, 2012 at 11:36 am

I dread looking at Facebook because of all the HuffPo stories friends keep throwing up there. I complain about how moronic HuffPo is, and they're all like, but I thought you were liberal – liberals read HuffPo.

Grrrrr.

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 11:41 am

Stoopid peeps gonna stoop to new lows, now and evermore~

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

I have conservative friends who still, no matter how many times I correct them, think I must religiously follow both Huffington and Kos; they can't get away from the authoritarian mindset and assuming liberals follow it as well.

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I am so puzzled by these as "liberal" sources. I've never found anything of interest on either website.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:49 pm

And for the love of God, don't read the comments if you value your sanity!

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 11:37 am

To everyone who gets all excited looking at sideboob pics: there is actual porn on the internet, for free even.

FlownOver June 6, 2012 at 11:39 am

Call the Church Police!

Generation[redacted] June 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

They're all at bible camp! O noes!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm

I see what you did (to One Million Moms) there.

el_donaldo June 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

And even if you wanted to obsess on celebrity, there are topless stills and clips of all of the above-mentioned women easily found on the internet. Er, or so I have been led to believe.

SorosBot June 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

I may have watched a few clips of Havoc multiple times; not the rest of the movie though, it's a piece of crap and only those scenes are worth watching.

bureaucrap June 6, 2012 at 1:07 pm

True, but where else can you say that you're reading a "Pulitzer prize winning site" while playing with your junk? Certainly not the NYT. Mostly.

Limeylizzie June 6, 2012 at 11:42 am

You all knew I would have one, a sideboob story, didn't you? I was sitting outside wearing a wife-beater and a bra and MrLL said "You have sideboob" so I whipped off the bra and as my boobs sagged the sideboob disappeared.

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

Oh. That's not quite as….stimulating…as I hoped it would end.

Still, a boobs a boob…

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Was that sideboob or auxilary boob? There's a difference!

Limeylizzie June 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

It was sideboob from having my bra hike them up so high that sideboob was visible and when I took off said bra they went to where nature intended which was lower than the armhole.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:57 pm

There are certain dresses and tops that I think of as "good posture" garments, because if I'm wearing them with less than perfect posture, there's the possibility or even the likelihood of…
a daring escape attempt.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Well, when you have a 34HHH …

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

Whoa! Our own ginger, Jim Newell, got fisted on teh Twitter by none other than MSNBC's Chris Hayes for his Baffler essay!

Question: When the *fuck* is he going to bring that kind of snappy prose to Wonkette?

OurHoboSenator June 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

Sideboob would be an excellent name for the next Palin spawn.

EatsBabyDingos June 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

Can I get a boob job from Arianna? You know, one where I get paid to stare at boobs.

Blueb4sunrise June 6, 2012 at 11:46 am

Side Babeau

Drug Traffickers or Murder -Suicide. You Decide!!!!!!!!
http://azstarnet.com/news/local/crime/bodies-may-

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

First….heh…poor Babeau, the family was named Butwin.

Second, in your face, Sheriff Snort-Coke-Off-The-Lawn-Boy's-Ass

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I thought SideshowBabeau had resigned. Or has he just decided not to run for higher office? Clearly the Tempe police have this shit in hand, but Babeau just has to flap his gums to look good, don't he? Weaselly little prick.

Ruhe June 6, 2012 at 11:47 am

Damn, Josh. This is a tough crowd. I read through all the comments and saw everyone snarking in but no one commenting on what a brilliant piece of writing this is. Hilarious. Saunders-esque. Thanks for the good read.

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

There's writing??!

CrunchyKnee June 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

Side boob is so 2007.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I was thinking it was kind of a 1980s look, with those Flashdance off-the-shoulder tops that were in fashion then.

cheetojeebus June 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

Today, Anne Hathaway is walking away from us all.

BTW because men don't use tools to get off women are not empowered by vibrators. or some shit, I couldn't be bothered to read it all. Sexist asshole that i am.

DemmeFatale June 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

Why does this post remind me of my brothers slobbering over the nursing bras in the Sears catalogue?
(Yes, I'm that old.)

prommie June 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Remember the catalog with the alleged dick-slip in the mens underthings section? Like 1975 or so.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 3:04 pm

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1259/was

Article includes a link to the photo.

prommie June 6, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Love Cecil so much.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Damn you, tessiee, I always get lost wandering over there checking out all the info. Now I'm all hooked on warrior wasps. (Don't ask)

Mumbletypeg June 6, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Regardless of your age — I rememer those catalogs too — "hearing" your comment as if spoken by Santorum spawn, per avatar, made it priceless.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Indeed!

Guppy June 6, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Dammit, I'm an ass man!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Then THIS is for YOU!

Billmatic June 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Wake me when they post Christina hendricks sideboob

barto June 6, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Arianna must hold some sort of shark jumping record by now. Another low is on its way…

James Michael Curley June 6, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our Magic Undies."
Micaela Schaefer

finette_ June 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Just an hour ago I was unable to articulate my feelings to a friend who thinks Ray Bradbury was overly pessimistic about the impact of technology on society. I think I'll just send her this. Your descriptions are even Bradbury-esque, somehow…

Of course I'm not laboring under the illusion that boobs have not always held a certain fascination for some segments of society (*ahem*)–but now, somehow, they're NEWS.

deanbooth June 6, 2012 at 12:39 pm

This is as close as I get to "a woman on the side."

Callyson June 6, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Guess Arianna did not realize that the saying "Tits or GTFO" is meant to be ironic…

…isn't it?

BenGleck June 6, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Its not the ones one the side that really count, its the up front boobs. e.g. see Comments section

bureaucrap June 6, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Where are my sideboob pics of John Boehner and Mitch McConnell?

Nostrildamus June 6, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Kathyryn Jean Lopez is naked, sitting on a 48-box crate of Ding-Dongs, her back to you. Her face turns back toward you, smiling as if drowning a kitten. Her butt crack is only barely visible, mostly obscured by the cheerful visage of Ronald Reagan…

HarryButtle June 6, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I call bullshit…we all know a crate of Ding Dongs won't support that kind of weight.

Plus…ew.

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Well, OK, they weren't actual Ding Dongs and it wasn't a 48 ounce box. It was the Kirkland brand fake Ding Dongs from Costco, and like everything at Costco, they were in the steamer trunk size package.

neiltheblaze June 6, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Doesn't Jonah Goldberg show up in there somewhere? Or Ross Douthat?

tessiee June 6, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Jonah Goldberg is off-camera, fighting over the Ding Dongs with Chris Christie and Rush Limbaugh.

neiltheblaze June 6, 2012 at 3:15 pm

My money's on Christie.

Chet Kincaid June 6, 2012 at 1:35 pm

huffingtonpost dot com slash news slash datass or GTFO.

Jim Newell June 6, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Best post ever man

elburritodeluxe June 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I'm sorry but maybe I missed it… where are the damn boobs you promised?

Pragmatist2 June 6, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Someone should start "Arianna Post" and just aggregate all the HP articles that reference her. She would go crazy. Well, actually, that would not be a long trip.

M. Bouffant June 6, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I saw A.H. on the Santa Monica pier about five yrs. ago. I am now very sorry I didn't push her into the ocean.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 6, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Katy Perry is standing in front of a mysterious object, a jumble of shapes that you can’t interpret because she’s blocking most of it. She’s looking to your left, not at you, and is intensely holding an expression with her mouth in a smile that doesn’t convey any joy.

That right there? That there is ART, goddammit.

Opportunisticly_Joe June 6, 2012 at 9:07 pm

How about that side-boob? That turn you on? Well, it shouldn't, because it's my side-boob.

ttommyunger June 6, 2012 at 10:54 pm

By this standard, Rush Limbaugh would be one sexy motherfucker since he has front-boobs, side-boobs, back boobs, muffin boobs and he himself is one huge fucking boob.

rickmaci June 7, 2012 at 1:38 am

Ho hum. Call me when they have a camel toe section.

lulzmonger June 7, 2012 at 4:12 am

Can't wait for HuffPo to blow the lid off Whale-Tail-Gate.

smokefilledroommate June 7, 2012 at 8:02 am

What's next? HuffPo Upskirt?

badgitator June 8, 2012 at 12:25 am

"Kristen Stewart almost flashes sideboob" – actual headline on a serious news website. I, for one, have rather high expectations matters of sideboob importance, this "almost" nonsense just serves to sully the otherwise noble the 4th Estate of sideboob .

Wonderthing June 14, 2012 at 6:35 pm

Sideboobs. Really. Some idiots ought to get out more. Or find real porn.

anniegetyerfun June 6, 2012 at 11:58 am

Bradbury's work had a major psychological impact on me as a child, and none of it was good.

Limeylizzie June 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

And to you as well!

Barb June 6, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Thanks!

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Oh, CHRIST! You should have included a warning, noodlesalad. Something along the lines of: Cannot be UNSeen. May be hazardous to your mental health.

(dies)

actor212 June 6, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Um, email me.

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

You mean, something like "I can never un-see that image"?

MittBorg June 11, 2012 at 2:07 pm

Hey, sullivanst! I meant to get back to a comment you made, but can't find it! Sorry about that. We'll just have to pretend to be all cool wid it until we find something else to disagree about, OK?

Did you click the link? If not, don't. Srsly. You never saw so much front butt.

sullivanst June 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Oh yeah, I too can never un-see that image.

If you can't remember it, it probably wasn't that important, and yeah, I'm sure I'll be disagreeable in the future :P

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