vote for the one with the pants

Your Constantly Updated Wisconsin Recall Liveblog! (Send Us Pix/Stories!)

So meanOnly a few more hours until cherished Wisconsin krusher of collective action Scott Walker fends off some old liberal and destroys progressive politics forever! Or the old liberal pulls off the comeback upset of the decade and fends off Scott Walker and allows progressive politics to gradually stroll to its own destruction instead! Either way, the winner is clearly progressive politics. Huh? Here are some things that are happening in Wisconsin on this day, the day of St. Ronaldus Magnus Jr.’s recall election. (UPDATE: The lady who runs Wonkette has decided to turn this into a un-timestamped-but-still-livebloggy mcdongle type thing, so just keep refreshing for all of the important updates about “cheese state politics.”)

READER: ARE YOU IN WISCONSIN? Send us stories/pix/video — the good things in life — about what it’s like “on the ground” today from your state.

Today in Wisconsin:

  • There is an election in Wisconsin today.
  • The Real Clear Politics poll of polls of polls shows Walker with an average 6.7-point leader over Tom Barrett, the Milwaukee mayor and constant loser of statewide elections. One poll shows a 12-point lead, another shows a 3-point lead. Others show a 5-point lead and a 3-point lead. So, yeah, 6.7, sure.
  • Sorry, Nate Silver will not hold your trembling liberal hand and tell you everything’s going to be okay:

    Two polls released over the weekend suggest that Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin, a Republican, remains the clear favorite to win Tuesday’s recall election.

    Although the contest is fairly close, polls of gubernatorial races are ordinarily quite reliable in the late stages of a race. We have not officially released a forecast for the race, but Mr. Walker’s lead of about six points would translate into almost a 95 percent chance of victory if we used the same formula we did to evaluate gubernatorial races in 2010, which derives its estimates from the historical accuracy of gubernatorial polls over the past 15 years.

  • How can Barrett win? It will involve Democrats giving a shit, the experts conclude:

    The reason he still trails overall is that Republicans are more excited about voting, said Dean Debnam, PPP’s president. “What’s going to determine Tuesday’s outcome is pretty simple. If Democrats turn out in the same numbers that they did in 2008 Tom Barrett will win a surprise victory. And if they don’t Scott Walker will survive.”

    So if you are a Wisconsin Democrat you should probably vote, to help your candidate win the election.

  • If Democrats don’t give enough of a shit — this has happened before — don’t worry! The party has 440 lawyers on the ground ready to litigate this forever. It could cost a ton of money, though, and Democrats have been having certain money problems in this election, since rich Democrats hate their fellow coalition members in organized labor. But that’s another problem. Ha ha, a really big one…

    Under Wisconsin law, only a candidate can request a recount of election results. If the difference in votes is less than 0.5 percent of the total votes cast, a recount would be free to the candidate requesting it. Otherwise, the candidate requesting the recount would have to pay for it. The amount would depend on the number of votes cast and the difference between the total votes cast between candidates.

  • Shockingly, there may be some misleading robocalls throughout the state.
  • Members of the local Wisconsin foot-ball squadron, Green Bay’s Packers, are all Union Thugs and therefore support the recall. “I’m proud to be a union worker. Support Wisconsin workers & Get Out the Vote on Tues. #wiunion” tweets Green Bay Packer player Jermichael Finley. “Rah rah unions blech stop Walker” (COMPOSITE TWEET) tweet some other Green Bay Packers players who hate America and its low wages and poor benefits.
  • Union Thugs/ACORNs are stealing the election like whoa, according to “rumors… circulating on the Internet” that someone is monitoring, although he doesn’t think they’re much more than rumors. When have internet rumors every been false though? Union thugs like George Soros will steal everything.
  • “Wisconsin exit polls show this thing is coming down to turnout,” says No Shit Clichebot 5000 from its ice cave on Mike Allen’s forehead.
  • “ralph4america” sends us a link to his website and boy howdy, ralph4america just sorta fucking “gets it.”

    RALPH’s latest post, illustrated with a painting of George Washington tebowing:


    Fuck this liveblog, just read RALPH4AMERICA all day.

  • We didn’t expect President Barry Obama to do much of anything to help this very important recall effort, and he didn’t, until yesterday when he… tweeted something banal. GAME-CHANGER, etc, ugh.

  • Turnout is crazy! It’s all about turnout, they say, a lot. And the turnout is crazy! Why don’t people just stay at home and play video games and eat sandwiches instead; it’s more fun.

    “It ranges from 28 to 42 percent already; it is a huge turnout. We could hit 80 to 88 percent,” Peters said of Dane County’s turnout. At midday, she was fielding calls wrapping up a status report from local clerks.

  • You know an article’s going to be funny when there’s a disclaimer, in bold, saying “The above, of course, is an attempt at humor.” Derpa derp how would the teevee character vote, derp?

    Homer Simpson of “The Simpsons”

    Since he received a free sub sandwich when he voted for Mitt Romney during the Wisconsin primary, he is hoping to get another by voting for Scott Walker.

    Kenny Powers of “Eastbound and Down”

    Because the egocentric baseball pitcher thrives on chaos, he is in favor of more rallies, marches and demonstrations in Madison. Votes for Walker.

    Enoch “Nucky” Thompson of “Boardwalk Empire”

    The thuggish, power-hungry Prohibition-era New Jersey politician is torn. A recall is a double-edged sword: He could lose his job the same way, but he also favors ousting political opponents by any means necessary. Votes for Barrett.

    What a terrible society we’ve committed to.

  • ralph4america has emailed us for the third time today, with this latest scoop:




    MARK 16:18!!!!

  • Did you know there are a whole 17 recall elections today and 103 over the first half of the year, because everyone in the country hates the people who represent them politically? Most of them are more important than this Wisconsin nonsense, too:

    Among other nuggets are that the mayors of both Troy, Montana and Troy, Michigan are facing recalls (the mayor from Montana lost). And, while it may be time to stop all of your weeping and swallow your pride, the mayor of Tombstone, Arizona was recalled. And yes, he was replaced by the owner of Johnny Ringo’s bar, who will now be your huckleberry.

  • Here are a bunch of hippies singing in the park:

  • Have you, the Sconnie, not been paying attention to the issues that will be decided in this recall? Via Kos, here’s a helpful fellow explaining today’s choice:

    All seemingly true, and yet he got the color-coding wrong. Can we trust him now?

  • Richard Adams at The Guardian is also liveblogging the recall, by which we mean “jacking off to his beloved Queen’s Jubilee all day.”
  • Aside from the now four five emails we’ve received from ralph4america, here is the shittiest email we received today: “Scott Walker ahead of Barrett on social media scorecard; Expert Available.” Golly fellas, maybe we should call Expert.
  • Scott Walker: Ronald Reagan died eight years ago. Uhh… vote for me?

  • Fap-claps all around for same day voter registration:

  • OKAY that is the end of this liveblog. Editor Rebecca, who runs Wonkette, will be liveblogging results tonight. In the meantime, enjoy Huff Post Sideboob, a website ironically devoted to vagina shots of Jason Linkins.

HELLO. There is a new live-bloog now, HERE.

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. nounverb911

    "There is an election in Wisconsin today. "
    So why are all the GOP operatives telling the poors it's next week?

    1. bumfug

      And telling people who signed the recall petition that their signature means they've already voted.

    2. Isyaignert

      Cheating, lying and stealing are the only way the 'cons "win" elections. If everyone's vote was honestly counted and there was no such thing as Fux News, there'd never be another Republicon elected to 'effin' anything.

  2. SorosBot

    And either way, Walker is likely to go under indictment soon – that will be fun to see.

    1. fitley

      There would be added excitement to see Scottie perp walked out of the Governors Mansion but I'll settle for him taking a quiet ride with the cops to prison.

  3. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Sadly, as history has often proven, a Koch with a lot of money will often carry the day.

  4. nounverb911

    Will the Wisconsinners be voting for a new license plate motto too, also?

    "Eat Cheese or Die" is still my favorite.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Wisconsin Democrats and independents, please give a shit and get your ass out and vote. Or I will not feel the least bit bad for you forever.

    1. AngryBlakGuy

      …isnt it ironic that the republican "base" consist of overweight, beer swigging, moon shining rednecks, but somehow they find a way to out mobilize the arugula eating, Pilates practicing, interpretative dance watching liberals?!?!?

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I guess they're easier to motivate — apparently the demographic that believes Two and a Half Men is funny will believe just about anything.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      No shit, if the Wisconsin Democrats don't bother to turn out today then fuck them, they'll deserve every bit of shit that the Koch brothers shove down their throats and I for one won't shed a goddamned tear for them.

    3. Boojum

      I'm with you. Frankly, I'm in the 1% and have to keep reminding myself that the fact that the stoopid wants to cut my taxes is not sufficient reason for me to ignore my own (and the country's) long term interest. But Wisconsin Democrats might make me change my fucking mind (not really).

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        A jerb creator? What're you hanging out here with the hoi polloi for?

        Anyway, you seem pretty nice for a 1%er.

        1. Boojum

          A small business owner and everything. Actually, an employment discrimination lawyer, but it pays well if you know what you're doing. And I just created a job this week.

          And I hate stoopid.

  6. Steverino247

    Well, look at the bright side, we made billionaires spend about .01 per cent of their ill-gotten gains to spoof morons into voting next week instead of today.

  7. FakaktaSouth

    I don't understand this "Republicans are more excited to vote" thing. I mean, like I don't get what that MEANS, this is not a game. This whole deal is a very important way to keep from having your state continue to be run thru a sham office by Corporate Overlords, no shit. And these fucking idiots just wanna WIN – they don't even understand what they are losing. Just. Damn.

    1. Crank_Tango

      It means that they are old and don't get out much, so they are excited to get shuttled down to the local polling place and maybe shoot a new blah panther?

      1. prommie

        And they don't like the look of those teenagers down the street, either, and it might rain.

    2. tihond

      Republicans have only had to be fired up for the last month. Dems have had to stay fired up for a year and a half. We are fired up, but it's tough.

    3. prommie

      Well the fucking fuckers are fucking filled with that terrible intensity of the worst, you know? They hate us, really really fucking hate us, resent us, while we merely detest them, and they are so much more sure than we can ever be, because we think on more than one level and understand complexity and nuance and the dangers of shallow facile reasoning and common sense. So they do care more, in a way, because they are such extreme single-minded fuckwads. capisce?

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Yeah, no. I get "kick em in the head mad" and the folks I talk at sometimes on accident almost ALWAYS say, while backing away as I am climbing on a chair, "well, You know more detail than I do, I mean, I don't really know, I just don't like BLAH BLAH BLAH" and it's a knee jerk bunch of reactionary bullshit, out of the face of a simpleton. See? kick 'em in the head mad. If you are that stupid you should not vote. I am now a god damned electoral college snob. Beat that.

        1. prommie

          Neck-stomping, that was my favorite of your descriptions, we could go neck-stomping and throat-punching together. I get scairt sometimes that I will provoke some big gorillas into hurting me, I scream out the window whenever I see tea partiers by the road. The other day I saw a battle flag and had to run away before I got myself killed.

      2. CommieLibunatic

        Sounds about right. Look what happened with Health Care Reform: you have all us LIEbruls who can think for ourselves, mumbling our different opinions into a million microphones. Then you have the Republicans, who are all screaming DEATH PANELZ in unison at the top of their lungs.

      3. sullivanst

        and they are so much more sure than we can ever be

        "The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." — the ever-quotable Bertrand Russell

    4. actor212

      It means the voting booths in Republican districts will have sticky floors since they get to vote against History's Greatest Monster, the union.

    5. BarackMyWorld

      Treating politics like its a sporting event with no terrible, real-world implications is the new American Idol.

    6. Isyaignert

      Damn. I am so sick of the fidiots fukking it up for everyone else. Thankfully, the slow learners who think the RepubliCONs of today are like Eisenhower Republicans are dying off every day.

  8. JackDempsey1

    I am not "on the ground," in WI, but my sister is, though I am unsure whether we are speaking. She is still upset with the Favre jersey I sent for Xmas, which was available for a quite reasonable price. Jeez, Cheezheads and their prolonged grudges. This is good news for somebody.

    1. nounverb911

      If you really want to annoy her, just remind her of the Packers losing to the Giants at home.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Or do what I did to the Packers fan in the office here, the day after the game: run up to her door/window, yell "Hey Rogers!!" and do the puttin'-on-my-belt thing.

        1. LionHeartSoyDog

          I learned something new today, from a comment on a Wisconsin thread:

          "The (Green Bay) Packers are the only non-profit, community-owned major league professional sports team in the United States." – Wiki
          I stopped caring about Corporate Sports decades ago, but will now pay attention to Packers' games.

          1. Chet Kincaid

            Yes, this is well-known and often-remarked-upon. The NFL, and probably all the major sports leagues, have designed their rules so that this type of ownership can never happen again. Of course, they are perfectly happy to go begging to Congress for anti-trust exemption.

  9. Estproph

    The good news is, the turnout is supposed to be huge. That bodes well for Barrett.

  10. Goonemeritus

    Wisconsin my hopes and prayers are with you, I know many in the your State have worked really hard for a really long time.

    1. fuflans

      some of us in socializms thug land down in the chicago swamps did too.

      last weekend (we did another canvassing effort) my bff got roundly cursed out (once) and i got the door slammed in my face (twice). mr fuflans – as a charming southerner – actually made a difference.

      this week we stuck to the phone.

      1. Goonemeritus

        Well tonight I hope you both get to toast the wonderful difference you both made by striking a blow against the forces of evil and poopy- headedness.

  11. mavenmaven

    "The Republicans are more excited to vote" in other words, the poor serfs are eager to serve their rich masters.

    1. MadBrahms

      I honestly can't understand why democrats wouldn't be / aren't worked up. What does it take? Honestly, what does he need to do to get people outraged enough to get off of their asses? Hang teachers from crosses?

      1. Generation[redacted]

        Hanging teachers from crosses would only get the right wing more fired up.

      2. OneDollarJuana

        The thing is that Dems usually follow the rules. That means waiting for elections, and it's hard to stay mad for a long time between elections. Now right-wingers, they go down to the gun store, stock up, and have regular Civil War reenactments and militia gatherings, and blow up the occasional church or abortion clinic. Helps to keep the fires burning, so to speak.

  12. BarackMyWorld

    What's the over/under on Ed Schultz having a heart attack if Walker stays in office?

    1. ChessieNefercat

      "What's the over/under on Ed Schultz having a heart attack if Walker stays in office?"


      What's the over/under on Ed Schultz having a heart attack if Walker is ahead when the polls close?

  13. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Dear Cheese God,
    I know that I've said some bad things about you in the past but I have a favor to ask…

          1. Chichikovovich

            The Wisconsin election is frustrating, because it's so obvious that Ricotta be kicked out.

          2. Chichikovovich

            Why haven't a comfortable majority of Wisconsinites seen that they've been feta diet of lies?

          3. Doktor StrangeZoom

            All Wisconsonites with chat software should go on their camembert witness to the fact that things are not o-Queso everyone will get out and vote.

          4. actor212

            Your puns are all very Stilton. You need to loosen up. Take a lesson from the Curds, and Bougon down once in a while. Cantal get along here? I mean, it's all Coolea and all that, I'm sure, but I'm worried you'll get angry with each other and then there'll be this big Freisian Wonkette. And I would hate to see that.

          5. Chichikovovich

            You're right about that. What should I keep banging my head on a roquefort?

            I'm just going to step away and take a relaxing drive in my Chèvre olet.

    1. rickmaci

      I am still trying to figure out when Cheezelandia stopped being a reliable bleu state.

    2. Monsieur_Grumpe

      Oh Lord Cheese Whiz! Do not be offended by these horrible blasphemes puns. These Libtards know not what they do.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I still remain hopeful that Wisconsin does not want to end up like Mississippi or Louisiana. A good ground game could turn up a surprise, although I have to admit that FOX News was all but gloating about the election last night.

    1. Sassomatic

      Oh come on. Hasn't Louisiana been kicked in the nuts enough today? Besides, ending up like Louisiana isn't so bad. Our food is way better and we get two days off for Mardi Gras.

    2. elviouslyqueer

      And Mississippi voted DOWN the bullshit Personhood Amendment. That almost makes up for the bazillionty times we've done or voted on or acquiesced to something remarkably, Neanderthalishly stupid. Almost.

      1. Chichikovovich

        That is pretty impressive. Are you sure that it wasn't voted down because some of the embryos recognized as persons would be African-American?

  15. tihond

    If you know anyone in Wisconsin, please call them and ask them to vote. Unless if they're a Walker fan… Then fork 'em with Tim Russell's pole.

  16. edgydrifter

    Never, ever underestimate the power of stupid and mean. Walker supporters will gleefully vote against their own interests because it's more important to them to feel like they're screwing over someone else.

    1. Isyaignert

      I saw this quote on them thair Internets that I really like: If you vote RepubliCON, you're either rich or stupid. The rich keep the stupid stupid while the stupid keep the rich rich.

      To that list, I would add: If you vote RepubliCON, you're most likely a sociopath in addition to being rich or stupid.

  17. Blueb4sunrise

    So if you are a Wisconsin Democrat you should probably vote…

    Elucshun TAMPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. Jerri

    I went to my polling place as it was opening this morning and there was a huge line. Usually at 7 am there are a few people, but this was an actual crowd, with the line winding out of the building and everything. Hopefully that is a good thing?

    Also: I can't believe that cross-eyed weasel-faced criminal chud is ahead. COME ON.

    At least we live where the booze is cheap and plentiful if those polls turn out to be correct.

      1. Jerri

        I live in a strongly Democratic-leaning part of town so I am confident that most people at my polling place were for Barrett.

    1. Isyaignert

      "…cross-eyed weasel-faced criminal chud…." is the bestest description of Snott Walker I have ever heard! Bravo Miss Jerri, bravo!

      BTW, don't worry about the polls, there are tons of new voters signing up today and they're all young. No one who is young (and most everyone else I know) has a land line. The pollsters are calling old farts who watch Fux News

      1. Jerri

        Thanks! I think "criminal chud" is the absolute best way to describe that guy.

        I hope you're right about the landline thing, because it just makes no sense otherwise. I can believe that old people with landlines who are home and willing to talk to pollsters would be for Walker. I cannot believe the vast majority of people here are, especially after being at those protests with so many different people there from all over the state, and after getting nearly a million signatures to recall. The D candidate could have been a fucking potted plant with a necktie on its branch and I'd still vote for it over Walker!

  19. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If Walker wins this thing I am extending the Mason-Dixon line northwards to include Wisconsin as part of the south.

      1. Steverino247


        The Iron Brigade, proportionately, suffered the most casualties of any brigade in the Civil War. For example, 61% (1,153 out of 1,885) were casualties at Gettysburg. Similarly, the 2nd Wisconsin, which suffered 77% casualties at Gettysburg, suffered the most throughout the war; it was second only to the 24th Michigan (also an Iron Brigade regiment) in total casualties at Gettysburg. The latter regiment lost 397 out of 496 soldiers, an 80% casualty rate.

        They fought to preserve the UNION (hint, hint) against tyranny.

        1. weejee

          And as a lad on a school field trip to Madison, about 6 years give or take after the Civil War ended, I learned about the 8th Wisconsin and their bald eagle Abe who used to fly over the battlefield and poop on the Confederates.

    1. tessiee

      "I'm beginning to wish that the South would rise again… and crush the North"
      — "The Giant Spider Invasion", an MST3K movie where Mike and the bots spend pretty much the entire movie making fun of Wisconsin. In fact, I think I might watch it this weekend no matter how the election goes.

  20. Mumbletypeg

    Send us stories/pix

    Can we learn who takes credit for the photo currently shown, Jim? The "Hated Walker before it was Cool" sign is full of Win.

  21. SorosBot

    Thank you, Supreme Court, for your Citizens United decision allowing the Kochs and other pro-Walker dicks to flood the state with ads supporting the cretin.

  22. el_donaldo

    Hopefully Bill Clinton will be allowed to vote a million times for the super super super sexiness of it.

  23. scvirginia

    Yeah- maybe some of the poorz who were told the recall is next week will join the crowd just to see what's going on & find out they were lied to. And then they'll tell a friend, and they'll tell a friend…

  24. DonnyKerabotsos

    "The reason he still trails overall is that Republicans are more excited about voting, said Dean Debnam, PPP’s president."

    Greetings from New Jersey, where we elected an Abominable Doughman as our governor because the democratic incumbent was just fucking awful and too many dems stayed home.

    Get mad. Get excited. Get going. Don't fuck it up, Wisconsin, you've been so good up to now.

    1. Steverino247

      I've pestered the only voter I know up there already. He voted to recall the Republican senator and that vote got the job done, so I'm hopeful the same is true here.

      1. DonnyKerabotsos

        Thanks for the thumbs up, but 'fisting?'

        Couldn't you just rap my knuckles with a brass ruler or something?

        1. Mumbletypeg

          My dear DonnyK, I have segued to laughing at mySELF for taking your bemusement at the word 'fisting' seriously, from laughing the past 1/2 hour or so while delving into the earliest-ever wonkette exploits using intensedebate. My browsing was initially for when wonketteers first began exaggerating the thumbs-up/down feature as 'fisting'; among the revisited classics was this from Ttommy re: Sarah Palin following herself on "the twatter." Thanks for inducing my trip [sic] down memory lane!

          1. DonnyKerabotsos

            I remember that too. There was once a legion of Brietbart zombie trolls who would come through here and just kill the buzz., the fucking fucks.

            Well in that case, I'm totally cool with it. Fist away, Mumbletypeg!!

          2. Mumbletypeg

            Indeed I will!
            And I'll save the brass ruler for my knuckles, as I inadvertently linked to my *own* comment of olde upstairs there, not ttommy's. Hopefully if you followed it you scrolled down to his + 10 replies, including MrBlifil's, that about pushed me over the edge cramped with laughter.

  25. actor212

    Otherwise, the candidate requesting the recount would have to pay for it. The amount would depend on the number of votes cast and the difference between the total votes cast between candidates.

    Srsly? The fee is dependent on how badly his ass gets kicked?

    1. George Skullfry

      Actually, I'd see that as an effort to prevent frivolous recount requests. Even allowing for Kathy Nicklaus, most recounts don't shift the results more than a percent.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but I'm on board with "hawt girls from screen actors guild."

      1. Limeylizzie

        Do I count? I am a pre-menopausal, still fairly hawt woman Screen Actors Guild member?

        1. Chichikovovich

          That would rock, no joke. But some of us can't afford to spend the whole afternoon staring dreamily at a computer screen. Work to do!

  26. didgen

    Please, please, pretty please with rainbow sprinkles on top. Let Scott Walker eat shit and die.

    1. MittBorg

      If he's gonna have to eat shit, I want him to live long enough to suffer through the foul taste of it. Otherwise, I'm cool wit dat.

  27. Callyson

    Reached over e-mail, Walker spokesperson Ciara Matthews didn’t question the existence of the calls, but accused Barrett’s campaign of falsely blaming her candidate: “Any accusation that our campaign is making those calls is categorically false and unfounded. Once again Mayor Barrett and his campaign are trying to falsely attack Governor Walker with absolutely no evidence. This is a desperate move by Mayor Barrett to avoid addressing his lack of a plan to create jobs in Wisconsin.”

    So it's Barrett's fault, even though he's not the one who contacted Salon with the story. It's his fault, even though he did not actually accuse Walker of doing this: he said “If true, this shows the desperation of Walker and his right wing allies in the final hours of the campaign…"

    Oh, and way to forget to condemn these dirty attacks, also, too.


    1. tessiee

      Also too:

      "falsely blaming her candidate: “Any accusation that our campaign is making those calls is categorically false and unfounded."

      Yeah, [finger quotes] "falsely" blamed.
      You almost have admire these people, in a horrible way. They get caught balls-deep in some wrongdoing, claim it was a false accusation/set-up/taken out of context, and then blame whoever caught them… or whoever didn't catch them, that they just have some grudge against. They really are like the Shakespeare of asshat.

  28. MadBrahms

    God, I hope they don't call recall bullshit – it would destroy the democrats in Wisconsin forever. I want Walker to go down, but if he doesn't, we need to live to fight again another day.

  29. Dildeaux

    Walker wins.
    Walker is indicted.
    Walker supporters could care less.
    Its about hating libruls. Period.

  30. Sassomatic

    Those fine patriots obstructing democracy are just trying to protect America, by obstructing democracy.

  31. Callyson

    Speaking of elections, California voters…US Senate. Open primary. Orly Taitz on the ballot. You know what to do!

    1. MissTaken

      I went all in for Orly on my absentee ballot! She's the only candidate I *know* is wetter, tighter, and hornier.

    1. tessiee

      It was disturbing, the more so because even if they get what they're asking for in the "ransom note", they'll still kill the hostage.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I have no idea what that man has against Public Internet Access Points. Maybe they're socialist.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      Thank you. So glad I decided to read the comments. Now I don't have to ask. Now that I know, I think Ralph is a meany pants.

    3. tessiee

      "Pig in a Pantsuit", i.e., any woman who isn't chained to the kitchen sink for Jeebus.

  32. actor212



    Um, Ralph, that word…I do not think it means what you think it means

    1. Butch_Wagstaff


      Translation: I'M GOING TO BE TALKING TO MYSELF ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Tundra Grifter

      There was "Beau James," Gentleman Jimmy Walker, Mayor of New York City.

      If you want to see Bob Hope in probably the best acting job of his career – I mean he is really, really good in a semi-dramatic role – check it out. That guy could act!

  33. Doktor StrangeZoom

    What the gently caress is an "online/windshield ministry"?

    Also, the windshield in my 1973 Chevy, "Vlad the Impala," actually does have its radio antenna sandwiched into the safety glass, so I suppose if anyone's windshield actually can get online, mine might. Just need the right wifi connection…

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Thanks. 8 mpg is a big price to pay for the sake of a rolling pun, but my mom bought it new when I was 10 years old, and I plan to drive it forever. I like the damn thing.

        I think it needs headers and Flowmasters now.

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          8 mpg – so she got the 454 option, or do you need a tuneup and a carb rebuild?

          1. Doktor StrangeZoom

            350 and an Edelbrock 4-barrel; all MPG estimates pulled wholly outta my ass because the speedo cable has only worked intermittently since around 1993.

      2. BarackMyWorld

        "Vlad the Impala"….win.

        The cleverest name I ever came up with for a car was calling my Civic Hybrid the Mach 0.5. Does every hybrid have such miniscule horsepower? I'd think a traditional Civic with that same hp would get the exact same mileage, that's how low it is.

        1. actor212

          I name mine after Egyptian dieties, so I'm not even that cool.

          It sorta loses its luster after Isis and Osiris. I managed to come up with Bastet for this one, but its a frikkin' Toyota, so the name is cooler than the vehicle.

      3. tessiee

        This is almost as awesome as (or slightly more awesome than, I'm not sure) the lady who drove a series of Plymouth Valiants, all of whom were named Prince.

  34. x111e7thst

    PIAPS is some sort of disgusting skin disease right? Like Spondulicks or Reince Priebus?

  35. actor212

    Dammit, Ginger! You nearly gave me a heart attack, leapfrogging this post!

    I thought I crossed streams in the mens' room!

  36. noodlesalad

    Turnout is crazy, as in there's a lot of people, or that the voters are literally insane? Guessing the latter.

  37. CommieLibunatic

    Don't fuck up, Wisconsin. If you can't recall such a cartoonishly inept and evil person, I'll probably say or do something that isn't nice.

    1. tessiee

      I'm composing a strongly-worded, yet erudite, post as we speak, and will have it at the ready.

  38. anniegetyerfun

    If there is one thing jihadists love, it's swine. Stick that piglet in a pantsuit, and they just about die and go to 72 Virgin Heaven.

  39. anniegetyerfun

    Incidentally, this election is making me ralph for America on about an hourly basis.

      1. prommie

        I got a half-gallon of Gordon's gin and a bottle of fucking French vermouth, Noilly. If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come have a seat with me.

    1. Callyson

      I'm pacing myself in the hope that the Taitz upset second place finish will counteract the Scotty "phew, that recall happened just before the dirt really started to hit the papers" result…

  40. James Michael Curley

    All I can say is Abu Yahya al-Libi!
    I'm not sure what it means, it just sounds like something that should be shouted at a drunken brawl.

  41. MadBrahms

    Turnout is crazy in Dane County, i.e. Madison, where registering with the Dems is compulsory when you apply for your co-op membership (which is also compulsory if you want to live in Madison, commie).

    Meanwhile, from the Milwaukee area, good news! Oh, and also, bad news!

    1. weejee

      Is it possible to get the Waukesha County ballots preemptively tossed since their County Clerk had all those counting problems last time?

  42. freakishlywrong

    Paycheck fairness act just goy fillybustered. Fucking fuck Rethugs are fucking the whole country. Media, get yer heads outta their fucking ases. For fucks sake.

  43. CrunchyKnee

    Barry doesn't want Walker to lose. That would mean he'd have to go against his corporate handlers best interests. Nah, who am I kidding, that'd never happen.

    1. Diabeetis

      Barry and the national Dems *heart* teh charter skoolz. Could be why they didn't do jack squat to help with the recall (it's not like they were strapped for cash).

  44. MissTaken

    I want to start my own online/windshield ministry. I should ask RALPH4AMERICA to mentor me.

    1. actor212

      Honey, for only four easy payments of $49.99, I can sell you the Holy Squeegee of Weehawken, left by a mysterious godly creature on his death bed to the First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship on Routes 1&9 in Newark.

      But act now! Quantities are limited.

    2. SorosBot

      Unfortunately getting as crazy as RALPH4AMERICA would be hard work; you'd probably need some acid and PCP.

  45. AngryBlakGuy

    …considering that there really isn't anything better to do in Wisconsin other than masturbate to videos of Brett Favre in Wrangler commercials or go cow tipping; I forecast a heavy turn out!!!

    1. tihond

      Masturbating to Brett Favre commercials, or as I like to call it: My Saturdays. (P.S. We've moved on to jerking it to Aaron Rodgers. Post-Vikings, Favre is a hate fuck).

  46. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    While we are talking Wisconsin, I got the following in an email:

    With polls open in Wisconsin and a razor thin margin expected, we are calling on Tea Party members to help us in 2 ways:


    No matter where you live in the U.S., we need you to make calls to Wisconsin voters on behalf of Gov. Walker, Lt. Gov. Kleefisch, and the Republican Senators being Recalled.


    Log on to

    1). Fill out the form to receive a username and password

    2). Log into the site and click on "Begin Calling."

    3). At the prompt, click on "Self/Dial," enter your phone number, and click on "OK."

    4). Click on "Begin Call" and follow the instructions to complete your call.

    5). When finished calling, click on "End Call Session" and log out.

    There will be a call script once you log-in.

    I know they say there is a script, but don't you think the best stuff is off script?

    1. MissTaken

      My work computer said that website is an 'untrusted connection'. For once IT is totally correct.

    2. Mittens Howell, III

      The best stuff is off script and recited while wearing a bicycle helmet.

    3. Callyson

      the best stuff is off script

      Here's *my* script:

      For fuck's sake, get off that couch, get your ass to the polls, and throw that ass Scotty out now!

      Yeah, that's probably why campaigns like to get people to stick to *their* script…

      1. tessiee

        Ha, now I'm picturing it:
        *phone rings*
        Random person: Hello?
        Memaw: Hello, this here is Memaw a-speakin' at ya.
        Random person: Um… OK. What can I do for you, Ma'am?
        Memaw: Now listen up, Sunny Jim. I want you to git out there and vote for that there fella.
        RP: Could you be a little bit more specific?
        Memaw: Are yew sassin' me? Yew *best* not be sassin' me!
        RP: Oh, um… no, Ma'am, I wouldn't do that.
        Memaw: I mean that there nice young feller, the one that the teevee said. He looks like a nice God-fearin feller, but he do look sumpin' a bit strange around the eyes.
        RP: Well, I don't really…
        Memaw: Dang it, I done had my nephew Leroy Billy Joe-Bob fix up this here computer machine cause the teevee done told me to do it! So you best do what I say, hear?
        RP: I'll be sure to do that, Ma'am. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to hang up and get to the Patriot Depot before it closes.
        Memaw: Aw, ain't that nice. The Lord loves you, he surely do. You have a blessed day, now!
        *both hang up*

  47. elviouslyqueer


    And behold, the name of my new Demi Lovato tribute band.

      1. sullivanst

        Sounds like someone is having sexytime with a roadie. Or maybe just planning to?

  48. sullivanst


    Americaphile is an Orangeman, eh?

    Well, that explains a lot, including his raging misogyny.

    1. el_donaldo

      The more things about Ralph4America are explained, the deeper other mysteries appear.

      Verily, he is an enigma.

      1. sullivanst

        To me the biggest mystery is how he managed to work out how to turn on a computer.

  49. vodkamuppet

    Ok, the teevee character thing is the most pathetic attempt at humor I've ever seen. Not sure how anyone could think that was funny. Sad.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Dammit, I've stayed away from the sports websites all fucking day. We're toast.

  50. Mittens Howell, III

    Obama is standing by Tom Barrett. Well, not technically 'standing'.

    He's hiding in a blanket-fort in a 'I'm for Tom Barrett' kind of way.

  51. BaldarTFlagass

    Wow, Ralph4America—I didn't realize they let the inmates have computers and internet access at the Bridgewater State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

  52. MissTaken


    I got $10,000 that someday soon Ralph's website will be used as evidence in a zombie trial.

  53. Tundra Grifter

    Packs of women roving from bar to bar – nothing like Wisconsin on a Saturday night.

    But, today is Tuesday, and my heart is with our sisters and brothers in the Badger State.

    The weather appears to be fine, which can only help turnout. The unions ought to be able to put together a solid ground game.

    Sheer InSannity is crowing about a win already. He was scared to death to pick a candidate in the Republican presidential primary because it was a toss-up and he didn't want to back a loser.

    I just wish "Dick" Morris had predicted a Walker landslide. Then I'd feel much better about things today…

    1. tessiee

      "I just wish "Dick" Morris had predicted a Walker landslide. Then I'd feel much better about things today… "

      Or Bill Kristol.

  54. Steverino247

    This just in from WI:

    I voted about an hour ago. A 65% voter turnout was predicted. At the precinct (local Chamber of Commerce) there seemed to have been a lot of people in already. The person in front of me and the person behind me had just registered. Lots of signs for both sides up, two houses in Oshkosh had opposing signs – one in the pro-Walker yard said "Recall Santa I didn't get what I wanted" but I didn't see any worse than that. Overall I think I saw as many pro-Walker as anti-Walker or Pro-Barrett signs. Same as TV ads – which makes me wonder what the Republicans did with that 7 to 1 money advantage they had. Those big "I stand with Governor Walker" signs must be really expensive.

    1. sullivanst

      The difference is probably that the Barrett camp just had to pay for the printing, but the Walker camp also had to pay people to display them.

  55. randcoolcatdaddy


    With electrolytes, not water, like from the toilet?

  56. SorosBot

    "And, while it may be time to stop all of your weeping and swallow your pride, the mayor of Tombstone, Arizona was recalled."

    The sun is not yellow, it's chicken.

  57. valthemus

    Fake robocalls? Again with the fake fucking robocalls?!? Didn't Maryland just send someone to prison for that? Do these fucktards never learn?

    Right, that does it. I'm going to spend the rest of the day in the library reading about algebraic topology. At least *that* makes sense to me.

    1. sullivanst

      Republicans have a name for the fake robocalls: "standard operating procedure".

      They also have a name for the couple of nights you spend in prison on the very, very, very rare occasions you get caught: "the cost of doing business".

      PS. don't bother reading about algebraic topology, just make a friend in Minsk who has a friend in Pinsk whose friend in Omsk has friend in Tomsk with friend in Akmolinsk. Only be sure always to call it, please, "research".

  58. SudsMcKenzie

    I just voted and will be heading to the "belly of the beast" – Capital Square, to monitor results from a bar. My neighborhood was canvassed three time last weekend, saw high school kids holding up pro-Barret signs on my way to work, the Ed show was broadcasting outside my office yesterday. Dane will of course go heavy Barret – in the peoples republic of Madison people seem confident – I'm afraid they underestimate the power of the Wingnut Brigade outside of the city.

    p.s.remember we just need to pick up 1 of the 4 Senate seats to put a monkey wrench in this wretched fucks plans.

        1. Mittens Howell, III


          Laudanum (or heroin). check
          PIAPS (Hi Hils!). check

          Anyone else?

          Orange whip? Orange whip?

          1. Pithaughn

            Tin foil, for the transit . The transit will cause the sun to radiate more plutonium from it's turbo encabulator.

    1. tessiee

      The country we would have had if Bush hadn't been appointed Preznit in 2000, please.

  59. actor212

    All seemingly true, and yet he got the color-coding wrong. Can we trust him now?

    Plus, he put the Repubs on the left of the sign! Also.


    1. tessiee

      Left out "atheists" and "don't support the troops".
      No comical misspellings/grammatical errors/unintentional irony.
      However, his printing is nice and legible.
      C+ for content/B- for execution

  60. JackDempsey1

    (UPDATE: The lady who runs Wonkette has decided to turn this into a un-timestamped-but-still-livebloggy mcdongle type thing.”)

    I simply must demand that the editrix allow Jim up for air and/or sandwich.

  61. Sassomatic

    Mr. Sign forgot a couple of things for the blue side: namely:

    Closeted gay preachers
    Poor spelling

  62. undeadgoat

    As far as turnout goes, in my district nearly 200 people had voted before me (around 1 pm), which considering that (1) I live in a district full of college students and other disaffected youth who just don't fucking vote and (2) lots of people are gone for the summer is not that terrible. Friends of mine who live in districts with average ages above 30 are reporting huge numbers, lines around the block, etc. though!

    I plan to go hang out at the protests later and try and get in front of a national news camera; I went to the bank this morning and Fox and CNN all had official buses!

    As far as "enthusiasm gap" goes, fuck you Mr. President.

  63. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Mark 16:18:

    They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

    So, what is he telling us? Well, clearly, by taking up snakes, he means the Koch brothers (Snake = phallus = penis = cock = Koch). Which clearly means Walker, since he has "taken up the snake" by taking in all that Koch money.

    And under Walker, the only health care available to the poor will be the laying of hands, since all other social programs will be scrapped in order to allow Koch Industries to expand and prosper.

    But what is the deadly thing that Gov. Walker has drunk, that will not harm him? Did it come from a Koch? Why won't RALPH4AMERICA tell us? When will the prophecy be fulfilled?

  64. Beowoof

    I have to say I love the fact I live in New York. Fight on Wisconsin or those pricks will be attacking here next.

  65. Tundra Grifter


    Didn't he used to play second base for the Mets? Nifty glove but he hit about a buck fifty?

    1. neiltheblaze

      Initiating the infamous McDongle line. And Mario Mendoza cries tears of gratitude.

      1. Sharkey

        It is a parody, you realize. I think he's funny, that's all. Whenever somebody calls themselves an "expert", I think of him.

  66. Mittens Howell, III


    Obama's tweet in support of Tom Barrett got re-tweeted!


  67. Mittens Howell, III

    Ronald Reagan died on June 5 2004. Pityfuck please?



  68. el_donaldo

    Poor Jason Linkins. Huff Po is such a massive pool of mediocre link-bait if not outr!ght stupidity.

    And yet I check it nearly every day.

    1. weejee

      Trust me on this el_donaldo staying away from HuffPoo will feel even better than to stop banging yourself over the head with a ball peen waffle-headed framing hammer.

  69. Terry

    Wow, that guy with the big poster comparing Republicans and Democrats really opened my eyes. I had no idea that I'm a "homo". My significant other is going to be a bit surprised.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I call bullshit on this guy. I mean, he's WEARING SANDALS!!!!
      Obviously he's some sort of Commie Fag plant.

  70. rocktonsam

    someone is sending robo calls telling people they don't need to vote if they signed the petition


  71. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I wish the Tank Riot lads were doing a liveblog. They'd find a way to make a connection to Star Trek TOS (The Original Series)

  72. Callyson

    So Ralph4America wants to quote the bible?

    Mark 16:18
    New International Version (©1984)
    they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.

    Sounds like Obamacare to me…

    1. Goonemeritus

      I went to his blog, best I can tell he is a snake handling Loyalist with a deep seated hatred of the Irish. I think PIAPS refers to Clinton who he hates because of the Irish peace accord. I hold out hope he isn’t a citizen of the USA, I don’t like thinking he is in our gene pool.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Damn, Reagan and Dee Dee Ramone. How many other people did Obama kill that day?

  73. CivicHoliday

    I voted today! Granted, I live in St. Louis county and it was on a local sewage taxation and infrastructure project…but still…

  74. Wile E. Quixote

    Anyone who is stupid enough to fall for that should be permanently disenfranchised. Seriously, if you have that little understanding of how the electoral process works then you deserved to be fucked over by the Koch brothers and the Republicans.

    1. Butch_Wagstaff

      I have to agree.
      Has civics education gotten so bad in this country that people will actually believe such bullshit?
      No snark. I'm asking that question seriously.

  75. flamingpdog

    My boss just left for the day. I may have to start drinking before I go home tonight. I'll be the one changing three lanes at once without turning the steering wheel tonite on I-25.

  76. Chet Kincaid

    "The Great Patriot Red/Blue Shift", reversing the longstanding identification of Socialist Lefties as "Reds", is as much of a mystery as The "Great Shawty Shift", when "shorties" stopped being junior gangmembers and became cute girls at da club.

      1. Barrelhse

        Thanks for the link- Guardian was showing a similar pic from the Mauna Kea telescopes but the NASA site crashed. This is a nice view.
        Also, raining here, too. It's always cloudy for auroras, eclipses, meteor showers, and transits of Venus.

  77. flamingpdog

    Bobby Kennedy was shot on June 5, 1968, but held onto life until June 6. Probably so he wouldn't have to end up on the same "Who died on June 5 list" with the Rontard.

    If Oily Titz wins the primary tonight, will she be willing to take a bullet for America?

  78. anniegetyerfun

    Oh, please, it's not a choice between marriage and perversion. You can totally have both.

    Now if you'll excuse me, there are four alpaca in my backyard that need some lovin'.

  79. Barrelhse

    3.53pm: To rub salt into America's wounds, Wonkette is also live-blogging the Wisconsin recall election:

    That from the Guardian.

    1. chascates

      Rubbing Salt Into America's Wounds would be a great name for a band but will do as a slogan for Wonkette.

  80. Antispandex

    Even if Walker lost, there is still no way to shame the Teapublicans…I needs a beers.

  81. Beowoof

    Why the WTDY lady works for right wing radio, who would have thought she would be out tweeting that bullshit.

  82. ttommyunger

    I knew Scott Walker was a douche when I saw him duck-walking his Harley in a local parade. John fucking Kerry dropped a few points in my estimation when he rode one onto the set of Leno during his ill-fated campaign. I guess the mouth-breathers eat that shit up, 'cause they keep doing it.

  83. medhat

    Proving tonight (so far) that Wisconsin is not Florida. Not a hanging chad in sight! Unless there's a recount… one can only hope, for a while after Dancing with the Stars it was getting a bit boring around here.

  84. Designer_Radio

    The thuggish, power-hungry Prohibition-era New Jersey politician is torn. A recall is a double-edged sword: He could lose his job the same way, but he also favors ousting political opponents by any means necessary. Votes for Barrett.

    Enoch “Nucky” Thompson is a hard-line Republican, you boobs at JSOnline.

  85. Monsieur_Grumpe

    CNN projects a Walker win. I have some relatives in Wisconsin that are going to be bummed out tonight. I think I'll break out a bottle of raspberry mead to ease the pain myself. Sigh.

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