VOTE FOR THE ONE WITH THE PANTS  5:20 pm June 5, 2012

Your Constantly Updated Wisconsin Recall Liveblog! (Send Us Pix/Stories!)

by Jim Newell

So meanOnly a few more hours until cherished Wisconsin krusher of collective action Scott Walker fends off some old liberal and destroys progressive politics forever! Or the old liberal pulls off the comeback upset of the decade and fends off Scott Walker and allows progressive politics to gradually stroll to its own destruction instead! Either way, the winner is clearly progressive politics. Huh? Here are some things that are happening in Wisconsin on this day, the day of St. Ronaldus Magnus Jr.’s recall election. (UPDATE: The lady who runs Wonkette has decided to turn this into a un-timestamped-but-still-livebloggy mcdongle type thing, so just keep refreshing for all of the important updates about “cheese state politics.”)

READER: ARE YOU IN WISCONSIN? Send us stories/pix/video — the good things in life — about what it’s like “on the ground” today from your state. Tips@wonkette.com.

Today in Wisconsin:

  • There is an election in Wisconsin today.
  • The Real Clear Politics poll of polls of polls shows Walker with an average 6.7-point leader over Tom Barrett, the Milwaukee mayor and constant loser of statewide elections. One poll shows a 12-point lead, another shows a 3-point lead. Others show a 5-point lead and a 3-point lead. So, yeah, 6.7, sure.
  • Sorry, Nate Silver will not hold your trembling liberal hand and tell you everything’s going to be okay:

    Two polls released over the weekend suggest that Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin, a Republican, remains the clear favorite to win Tuesday’s recall election.

    Although the contest is fairly close, polls of gubernatorial races are ordinarily quite reliable in the late stages of a race. We have not officially released a forecast for the race, but Mr. Walker’s lead of about six points would translate into almost a 95 percent chance of victory if we used the same formula we did to evaluate gubernatorial races in 2010, which derives its estimates from the historical accuracy of gubernatorial polls over the past 15 years.

  • How can Barrett win? It will involve Democrats giving a shit, the experts conclude:

    The reason he still trails overall is that Republicans are more excited about voting, said Dean Debnam, PPP’s president. “What’s going to determine Tuesday’s outcome is pretty simple. If Democrats turn out in the same numbers that they did in 2008 Tom Barrett will win a surprise victory. And if they don’t Scott Walker will survive.”

    So if you are a Wisconsin Democrat you should probably vote, to help your candidate win the election.

  • If Democrats don’t give enough of a shit — this has happened before — don’t worry! The party has 440 lawyers on the ground ready to litigate this forever. It could cost a ton of money, though, and Democrats have been having certain money problems in this election, since rich Democrats hate their fellow coalition members in organized labor. But that’s another problem. Ha ha, a really big one…

    Under Wisconsin law, only a candidate can request a recount of election results. If the difference in votes is less than 0.5 percent of the total votes cast, a recount would be free to the candidate requesting it. Otherwise, the candidate requesting the recount would have to pay for it. The amount would depend on the number of votes cast and the difference between the total votes cast between candidates.

  • Shockingly, there may be some misleading robocalls throughout the state.
  • Members of the local Wisconsin foot-ball squadron, Green Bay’s Packers, are all Union Thugs and therefore support the recall. “I’m proud to be a union worker. Support Wisconsin workers & Get Out the Vote on Tues. #wiunion” tweets Green Bay Packer player Jermichael Finley. “Rah rah unions blech stop Walker” (COMPOSITE TWEET) tweet some other Green Bay Packers players who hate America and its low wages and poor benefits.
  • Union Thugs/ACORNs are stealing the election like whoa, according to “rumors… circulating on the Internet” that someone is monitoring, although he doesn’t think they’re much more than rumors. When have internet rumors every been false though? Union thugs like George Soros will steal everything.
  • “Wisconsin exit polls show this thing is coming down to turnout,” says No Shit Clichebot 5000 from its ice cave on Mike Allen’s forehead.
  • “ralph4america” sends us a link to his website and boy howdy, ralph4america just sorta fucking “gets it.”

    RALPH’s latest post, illustrated with a painting of George Washington tebowing:

    THIS MINISTRY IS JOINING PRAYER WARRIORS ACROSS AMERICA, AS WE INTERCEDE FOR WISCONSIN, IN TONGUES, THAT THE VOTERS THERE WILL HEED WISE COUNCIL TODAY AND AVOID DISASTER!!!!!!

    Fuck this liveblog, just read RALPH4AMERICA all day.

  • We didn’t expect President Barry Obama to do much of anything to help this very important recall effort, and he didn’t, until yesterday when he… tweeted something banal. GAME-CHANGER, etc, ugh.

  • Turnout is crazy! It’s all about turnout, they say, a lot. And the turnout is crazy! Why don’t people just stay at home and play video games and eat sandwiches instead; it’s more fun.

    “It ranges from 28 to 42 percent already; it is a huge turnout. We could hit 80 to 88 percent,” Peters said of Dane County’s turnout. At midday, she was fielding calls wrapping up a status report from local clerks.

  • You know an article’s going to be funny when there’s a disclaimer, in bold, saying “The above, of course, is an attempt at humor.” Derpa derp how would the teevee character vote, derp?

    Homer Simpson of “The Simpsons”

    Since he received a free sub sandwich when he voted for Mitt Romney during the Wisconsin primary, he is hoping to get another by voting for Scott Walker.

    Kenny Powers of “Eastbound and Down”

    Because the egocentric baseball pitcher thrives on chaos, he is in favor of more rallies, marches and demonstrations in Madison. Votes for Walker.

    Enoch “Nucky” Thompson of “Boardwalk Empire”

    The thuggish, power-hungry Prohibition-era New Jersey politician is torn. A recall is a double-edged sword: He could lose his job the same way, but he also favors ousting political opponents by any means necessary. Votes for Barrett.

    What a terrible society we’ve committed to.

  • ralph4america has emailed us for the third time today, with this latest scoop:

    BARRETT → CLINTOON → PIAPS!!!!!!!!!

    DON’T DO IT, WISCONSIN!!!!!

    HEED WISE COUNSEL AND MAKE THE CONNECTIONS!!!!!

    MARK 16:18!!!!

  • Did you know there are a whole 17 recall elections today and 103 over the first half of the year, because everyone in the country hates the people who represent them politically? Most of them are more important than this Wisconsin nonsense, too:

    Among other nuggets are that the mayors of both Troy, Montana and Troy, Michigan are facing recalls (the mayor from Montana lost). And, while it may be time to stop all of your weeping and swallow your pride, the mayor of Tombstone, Arizona was recalled. And yes, he was replaced by the owner of Johnny Ringo’s bar, who will now be your huckleberry.

  • Here are a bunch of hippies singing in the park:

  • Have you, the Sconnie, not been paying attention to the issues that will be decided in this recall? Via Kos, here’s a helpful fellow explaining today’s choice:

    All seemingly true, and yet he got the color-coding wrong. Can we trust him now?

  • Richard Adams at The Guardian is also liveblogging the recall, by which we mean “jacking off to his beloved Queen’s Jubilee all day.”
  • Aside from the now four five emails we’ve received from ralph4america, here is the shittiest email we received today: “Scott Walker ahead of Barrett on social media scorecard; Expert Available.” Golly fellas, maybe we should call Expert.
  • Scott Walker: Ronald Reagan died eight years ago. Uhh… vote for me?

  • Fap-claps all around for same day voter registration:

  • OKAY that is the end of this liveblog. Editor Rebecca, who runs Wonkette, will be liveblogging results tonight. In the meantime, enjoy Huff Post Sideboob, a website ironically devoted to vagina shots of Jason Linkins.

HELLO. There is a new live-bloog now, HERE.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 385 comments }

nounverb911 June 5, 2012 at 1:32 pm

"There is an election in Wisconsin today. "
So why are all the GOP operatives telling the poors it's next week?

bumfug June 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

And telling people who signed the recall petition that their signature means they've already voted.

Fairtackle June 5, 2012 at 1:45 pm

ummm, for freedom?

Isyaignert June 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Cheating, lying and stealing are the only way the 'cons "win" elections. If everyone's vote was honestly counted and there was no such thing as Fux News, there'd never be another Republicon elected to 'effin' anything.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

They're poors. They're rêtarded anyway

Giveusabob June 5, 2012 at 3:13 pm

What you mean next week? My dead cat and expired gerbil voted last week!

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Gerbil voter fraud!

flamingpdog June 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

That's just the kind of thing old Joe Gerbils would have done!

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm

If only you had renewed your gerbil, it could be voting again today!

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And either way, Walker is likely to go under indictment soon – that will be fun to see.

tihond June 5, 2012 at 1:35 pm

The idea of Governor Kleefisch, not so much.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"Gee, we just OKayed this guy to stay in office and WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

fuflans June 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

do you really think so? i just skimmed some of that story but it seemed too good to be true.

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Oh, goody, I'm not the only one who did/thought that.

fitley June 5, 2012 at 8:42 pm

There would be added excitement to see Scottie perp walked out of the Governors Mansion but I'll settle for him taking a quiet ride with the cops to prison.

102415 June 5, 2012 at 10:31 pm

All it took was some kitchen cabinets to send Gov. Rowland to jail in CT.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 5, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Sadly, as history has often proven, a Koch with a lot of money will often carry the day.

nounverb911 June 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

"Speak softly and carry a big Koch?"

OneDollarJuana June 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Usually it's speak big and carry a soft Koch.

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 6:57 pm

Speak softly and carry a briefcase full of Benjamins.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Boy, just ask my friends down at Scores about that!

nounverb911 June 5, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Will the Wisconsinners be voting for a new license plate motto too, also?

"Eat Cheese or Die" is still my favorite.

scvirginia June 5, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Shouldn't it be 'Eat Cheese AND Die'? Or does eating cheese make you immortal?

el_donaldo June 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

My doctor and I disagree strongly on that question.

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

"Cheese and Kool – Aid: Together At Last!"

SayItWithWookies June 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Wisconsin Democrats and independents, please give a shit and get your ass out and vote. Or I will not feel the least bit bad for you forever.

AngryBlakGuy June 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

…isnt it ironic that the republican "base" consist of overweight, beer swigging, moon shining rednecks, but somehow they find a way to out mobilize the arugula eating, Pilates practicing, interpretative dance watching liberals?!?!?

SayItWithWookies June 5, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I guess they're easier to motivate — apparently the demographic that believes Two and a Half Men is funny will believe just about anything.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Ironic, maybe. Infuriating, definitely.

starfanglednut June 5, 2012 at 8:01 pm

ABG! Have not seen you for ages. How are ya?

Wile E. Quixote June 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm

No shit, if the Wisconsin Democrats don't bother to turn out today then fuck them, they'll deserve every bit of shit that the Koch brothers shove down their throats and I for one won't shed a goddamned tear for them.

Boojum June 5, 2012 at 6:30 pm

I'm with you. Frankly, I'm in the 1% and have to keep reminding myself that the fact that the stoopid wants to cut my taxes is not sufficient reason for me to ignore my own (and the country's) long term interest. But Wisconsin Democrats might make me change my fucking mind (not really).

Lascauxcaveman June 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

A jerb creator? What're you hanging out here with the hoi polloi for?

Anyway, you seem pretty nice for a 1%er.

Boojum June 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm

A small business owner and everything. Actually, an employment discrimination lawyer, but it pays well if you know what you're doing. And I just created a job this week.

And I hate stoopid.

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Well, look at the bright side, we made billionaires spend about .01 per cent of their ill-gotten gains to spoof morons into voting next week instead of today.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The problem is that they will make that back on child labor alone.

FakaktaSouth June 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

I don't understand this "Republicans are more excited to vote" thing. I mean, like I don't get what that MEANS, this is not a game. This whole deal is a very important way to keep from having your state continue to be run thru a sham office by Corporate Overlords, no shit. And these fucking idiots just wanna WIN – they don't even understand what they are losing. Just. Damn.

Crank_Tango June 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

It means that they are old and don't get out much, so they are excited to get shuttled down to the local polling place and maybe shoot a new blah panther?

prommie June 5, 2012 at 2:10 pm

And they don't like the look of those teenagers down the street, either, and it might rain.

tihond June 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Republicans have only had to be fired up for the last month. Dems have had to stay fired up for a year and a half. We are fired up, but it's tough.

prommie June 5, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Well the fucking fuckers are fucking filled with that terrible intensity of the worst, you know? They hate us, really really fucking hate us, resent us, while we merely detest them, and they are so much more sure than we can ever be, because we think on more than one level and understand complexity and nuance and the dangers of shallow facile reasoning and common sense. So they do care more, in a way, because they are such extreme single-minded fuckwads. capisce?

FakaktaSouth June 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Yeah, no. I get "kick em in the head mad" and the folks I talk at sometimes on accident almost ALWAYS say, while backing away as I am climbing on a chair, "well, You know more detail than I do, I mean, I don't really know, I just don't like BLAH BLAH BLAH" and it's a knee jerk bunch of reactionary bullshit, out of the face of a simpleton. See? kick 'em in the head mad. If you are that stupid you should not vote. I am now a god damned electoral college snob. Beat that.

prommie June 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Neck-stomping, that was my favorite of your descriptions, we could go neck-stomping and throat-punching together. I get scairt sometimes that I will provoke some big gorillas into hurting me, I scream out the window whenever I see tea partiers by the road. The other day I saw a battle flag and had to run away before I got myself killed.

Boojum June 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Call me. We could have a fun party.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

(Backs away slowly) Nuh-uh. I ain't arguing with no "kick 'em in the head mad" crazy lady.

starfanglednut June 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

She's gonna kick 'em in the head WITH VOTES, silly Z.

CommieLibunatic June 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Sounds about right. Look what happened with Health Care Reform: you have all us LIEbruls who can think for ourselves, mumbling our different opinions into a million microphones. Then you have the Republicans, who are all screaming DEATH PANELZ in unison at the top of their lungs.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

and they are so much more sure than we can ever be

"The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." — the ever-quotable Bertrand Russell

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm

The best lack conviction
Given some time to think
And the worst are full of passion without mercy

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Sad, but undoubtedly true.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:09 pm

It means the voting booths in Republican districts will have sticky floors since they get to vote against History's Greatest Monster, the union.

prommie June 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

All the riled ones are voting against history's greatest monster, the NEAR.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Even though they've only ever seen one on that there teevee.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Treating politics like its a sporting event with no terrible, real-world implications is the new American Idol.

neiltheblaze June 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Though, to be fair, Chris Matthews has been doing this for years.

Isyaignert June 5, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Damn. I am so sick of the fidiots fukking it up for everyone else. Thankfully, the slow learners who think the RepubliCONs of today are like Eisenhower Republicans are dying off every day.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Not fast enough.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

(Pins a gold star on Fakakta) That's a praiseworthy rant, girl.

Tundra Grifter June 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Go Scott Walker!

Get the fuck out!

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 1:38 pm

You could put a fork in this election the minute Chuck Norris spoke up.

JackDempsey1 June 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I am not "on the ground," in WI, but my sister is, though I am unsure whether we are speaking. She is still upset with the Favre jersey I sent for Xmas, which was available for a quite reasonable price. Jeez, Cheezheads and their prolonged grudges. This is good news for somebody.

nounverb911 June 5, 2012 at 1:43 pm

If you really want to annoy her, just remind her of the Packers losing to the Giants at home.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Or do what I did to the Packers fan in the office here, the day after the game: run up to her door/window, yell "Hey Rogers!!" and do the puttin'-on-my-belt thing.

LionHeartSoyDog June 5, 2012 at 4:06 pm

I learned something new today, from a comment on a Wisconsin thread:

"The (Green Bay) Packers are the only non-profit, community-owned major league professional sports team in the United States." – Wiki
I stopped caring about Corporate Sports decades ago, but will now pay attention to Packers' games.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Yes, this is well-known and often-remarked-upon. The NFL, and probably all the major sports leagues, have designed their rules so that this type of ownership can never happen again. Of course, they are perfectly happy to go begging to Congress for anti-trust exemption.

starfanglednut June 5, 2012 at 8:07 pm

That is so cool. I would totally root for them, if I had the slightest interest in sports.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

And remind her Jersey's run by a Republican.

Estproph June 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

The good news is, the turnout is supposed to be huge. That bodes well for Barrett.

Goonemeritus June 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Wisconsin my hopes and prayers are with you, I know many in the your State have worked really hard for a really long time.

fuflans June 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

some of us in socializms thug land down in the chicago swamps did too.

last weekend (we did another canvassing effort) my bff got roundly cursed out (once) and i got the door slammed in my face (twice). mr fuflans – as a charming southerner – actually made a difference.

this week we stuck to the phone.

Goonemeritus June 5, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Well tonight I hope you both get to toast the wonderful difference you both made by striking a blow against the forces of evil and poopy- headedness.

mavenmaven June 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"The Republicans are more excited to vote" in other words, the poor serfs are eager to serve their rich masters.

MadBrahms June 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

I honestly can't understand why democrats wouldn't be / aren't worked up. What does it take? Honestly, what does he need to do to get people outraged enough to get off of their asses? Hang teachers from crosses?

Generation[redacted] June 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Hanging teachers from crosses would only get the right wing more fired up.

OneDollarJuana June 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

The thing is that Dems usually follow the rules. That means waiting for elections, and it's hard to stay mad for a long time between elections. Now right-wingers, they go down to the gun store, stock up, and have regular Civil War reenactments and militia gatherings, and blow up the occasional church or abortion clinic. Helps to keep the fires burning, so to speak.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm

What's the over/under on Ed Schultz having a heart attack if Walker stays in office?

Schmannnity June 5, 2012 at 2:09 pm

5 to 2 on bi-carotid explosions.

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 6:29 pm

"What's the over/under on Ed Schultz having a heart attack if Walker stays in office?"

Or,

What's the over/under on Ed Schultz having a heart attack if Walker is ahead when the polls close?

Monsieur_Grumpe June 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Dear Cheese God,
I know that I've said some bad things about you in the past but I have a favor to ask…
MG

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm

It Gets Cheddar.

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

But it'll never be gouda.

Until we havarti party.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I'm just shootin' the bries here.

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

The Wisconsin election is frustrating, because it's so obvious that Ricotta be kicked out.

zedbot June 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Say 'so long' to Eddie Munster.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

This could have been avoided if the cheeseheads had stopped listening to Rush Limburger.

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 3:56 pm

This thread is whey too long.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm

What, you think the discussion would be more focused if you rennet?

flamingpdog June 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Where's the beef rennet?

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 7:15 pm

You make a good casein this case.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I camenbert the suspense!

rickmaci June 5, 2012 at 7:57 pm

I am still trying to figure out when Cheezelandia stopped being a reliable bleu state.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 5, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Oh Lord Cheese Whiz! Do not be offended by these horrible blasphemes puns. These Libtards know not what they do.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I still remain hopeful that Wisconsin does not want to end up like Mississippi or Louisiana. A good ground game could turn up a surprise, although I have to admit that FOX News was all but gloating about the election last night.

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Oh come on. Hasn't Louisiana been kicked in the nuts enough today? Besides, ending up like Louisiana isn't so bad. Our food is way better and we get two days off for Mardi Gras.

elviouslyqueer June 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

And Mississippi voted DOWN the bullshit Personhood Amendment. That almost makes up for the bazillionty times we've done or voted on or acquiesced to something remarkably, Neanderthalishly stupid. Almost.

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

That is pretty impressive. Are you sure that it wasn't voted down because some of the embryos recognized as persons would be African-American?

tihond June 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm

If you know anyone in Wisconsin, please call them and ask them to vote. Unless if they're a Walker fan… Then fork 'em with Tim Russell's pole.

edgydrifter June 5, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Never, ever underestimate the power of stupid and mean. Walker supporters will gleefully vote against their own interests because it's more important to them to feel like they're screwing over someone else.

Isyaignert June 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

I saw this quote on them thair Internets that I really like: If you vote RepubliCON, you're either rich or stupid. The rich keep the stupid stupid while the stupid keep the rich rich.

To that list, I would add: If you vote RepubliCON, you're most likely a sociopath in addition to being rich or stupid.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Hey! I like that too! Maybe I'll pass it around some.

Blueb4sunrise June 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm

So if you are a Wisconsin Democrat you should probably vote…

Elucshun TAMPRING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Just tug the string, it comes right out

Jerri June 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I went to my polling place as it was opening this morning and there was a huge line. Usually at 7 am there are a few people, but this was an actual crowd, with the line winding out of the building and everything. Hopefully that is a good thing?

Also: I can't believe that cross-eyed weasel-faced criminal chud is ahead. COME ON.

At least we live where the booze is cheap and plentiful if those polls turn out to be correct.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Well, what was the vibe in the crowd? Usually you can tell which way the folks in line are tending to vote.

Jerri June 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I live in a strongly Democratic-leaning part of town so I am confident that most people at my polling place were for Barrett.

Isyaignert June 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

"…cross-eyed weasel-faced criminal chud…." is the bestest description of Snott Walker I have ever heard! Bravo Miss Jerri, bravo!

BTW, don't worry about the polls, there are tons of new voters signing up today and they're all young. No one who is young (and most everyone else I know) has a land line. The pollsters are calling old farts who watch Fux News

Jerri June 5, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Thanks! I think "criminal chud" is the absolute best way to describe that guy.

I hope you're right about the landline thing, because it just makes no sense otherwise. I can believe that old people with landlines who are home and willing to talk to pollsters would be for Walker. I cannot believe the vast majority of people here are, especially after being at those protests with so many different people there from all over the state, and after getting nearly a million signatures to recall. The D candidate could have been a fucking potted plant with a necktie on its branch and I'd still vote for it over Walker!

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Here's wishing you and your fellow Wisconsinites the best!

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 5, 2012 at 1:49 pm

If Walker wins this thing I am extending the Mason-Dixon line northwards to include Wisconsin as part of the south.

tihond June 5, 2012 at 1:53 pm

IRON BRIGADE LIBEL!

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Indeed!

The Iron Brigade, proportionately, suffered the most casualties of any brigade in the Civil War. For example, 61% (1,153 out of 1,885) were casualties at Gettysburg. Similarly, the 2nd Wisconsin, which suffered 77% casualties at Gettysburg, suffered the most throughout the war; it was second only to the 24th Michigan (also an Iron Brigade regiment) in total casualties at Gettysburg. The latter regiment lost 397 out of 496 soldiers, an 80% casualty rate.

They fought to preserve the UNION (hint, hint) against tyranny.

weejee June 5, 2012 at 2:20 pm

And as a lad on a school field trip to Madison, about 6 years give or take after the Civil War ended, I learned about the 8th Wisconsin and their bald eagle Abe who used to fly over the battlefield and poop on the Confederates.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 2:07 pm

What does that make Chicago — Atlanta?!

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Well, it did burn in the 1800's, so…

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Well-played, Sir.

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Thanks for the set up!

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:12 pm

"I'm beginning to wish that the South would rise again… and crush the North"
– "The Giant Spider Invasion", an MST3K movie where Mike and the bots spend pretty much the entire movie making fun of Wisconsin. In fact, I think I might watch it this weekend no matter how the election goes.

Mumbletypeg June 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Send us stories/pix

Can we learn who takes credit for the photo currently shown, Jim? The "Hated Walker before it was Cool" sign is full of Win.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Thank you, Supreme Court, for your Citizens United decision allowing the Kochs and other pro-Walker dicks to flood the state with ads supporting the cretin.

el_donaldo June 5, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Hopefully Bill Clinton will be allowed to vote a million times for the super super super sexiness of it.

scvirginia June 5, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Yeah- maybe some of the poorz who were told the recall is next week will join the crowd just to see what's going on & find out they were lied to. And then they'll tell a friend, and they'll tell a friend…

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

???

Now I have the urge to shampoo and condition my hair, for some reason.

DonnyKerabotsos June 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

"The reason he still trails overall is that Republicans are more excited about voting, said Dean Debnam, PPP’s president."

Greetings from New Jersey, where we elected an Abominable Doughman as our governor because the democratic incumbent was just fucking awful and too many dems stayed home.

Get mad. Get excited. Get going. Don't fuck it up, Wisconsin, you've been so good up to now.

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm

I've pestered the only voter I know up there already. He voted to recall the Republican senator and that vote got the job done, so I'm hopeful the same is true here.

Mumbletypeg June 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Fisting for "Abominable Doughman." Thumbs up for the rest~

DonnyKerabotsos June 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Thanks for the thumbs up, but 'fisting?'

Couldn't you just rap my knuckles with a brass ruler or something?

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Is he related to the "Abdominal Doughman?"

Mumbletypeg June 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

My dear DonnyK, I have segued to laughing at mySELF for taking your bemusement at the word 'fisting' seriously, from laughing the past 1/2 hour or so while delving into the earliest-ever wonkette exploits using intensedebate. My browsing was initially for when wonketteers first began exaggerating the thumbs-up/down feature as 'fisting'; among the revisited classics was this from Ttommy re: Sarah Palin following herself on "the twatter." Thanks for inducing my trip [sic] down memory lane!

DonnyKerabotsos June 5, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I remember that too. There was once a legion of Brietbart zombie trolls who would come through here and just kill the buzz., the fucking fucks.

Well in that case, I'm totally cool with it. Fist away, Mumbletypeg!!

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Otherwise, the candidate requesting the recount would have to pay for it. The amount would depend on the number of votes cast and the difference between the total votes cast between candidates.

Srsly? The fee is dependent on how badly his ass gets kicked?

George Skullfry June 5, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Actually, I'd see that as an effort to prevent frivolous recount requests. Even allowing for Kathy Nicklaus, most recounts don't shift the results more than a percent.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:17 pm

But doesn't it reward a really successful fraudulent count?

owhatever June 5, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Needs pictures of union thugs like hawt girls from screen actors guild.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I'm not sure I understand what you mean, but I'm on board with "hawt girls from screen actors guild."

Limeylizzie June 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

Do I count? I am a pre-menopausal, still fairly hawt woman Screen Actors Guild member?

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

That would rock, no joke. But some of us can't afford to spend the whole afternoon staring dreamily at a computer screen. Work to do!

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I call pissin' away my time on Wonkette "research".

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Well, I'm premenopausal and SAG AND hawt, but not a grrl

didgen June 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Please, please, pretty please with rainbow sprinkles on top. Let Scott Walker eat shit and die.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm

If he's gonna have to eat shit, I want him to live long enough to suffer through the foul taste of it. Otherwise, I'm cool wit dat.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 2:08 pm

If Walker gets kicked out, Ed Schultz is going to crowd-surf. Let's just hope he keeps his clothes on.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Look, we need reasons to cheer this on, not to discourage it, K?

Not_So_Much June 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I thought Crush Videos were outlawed?

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Reached over e-mail, Walker spokesperson Ciara Matthews didn’t question the existence of the calls, but accused Barrett’s campaign of falsely blaming her candidate: “Any accusation that our campaign is making those calls is categorically false and unfounded. Once again Mayor Barrett and his campaign are trying to falsely attack Governor Walker with absolutely no evidence. This is a desperate move by Mayor Barrett to avoid addressing his lack of a plan to create jobs in Wisconsin.”

So it's Barrett's fault, even though he's not the one who contacted Salon with the story. It's his fault, even though he did not actually accuse Walker of doing this: he said “If true, this shows the desperation of Walker and his right wing allies in the final hours of the campaign…"

Oh, and way to forget to condemn these dirty attacks, also, too.

Bitch.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Also too:

"falsely blaming her candidate: “Any accusation that our campaign is making those calls is categorically false and unfounded."

Yeah, [finger quotes] "falsely" blamed.
You almost have admire these people, in a horrible way. They get caught balls-deep in some wrongdoing, claim it was a false accusation/set-up/taken out of context, and then blame whoever caught them… or whoever didn't catch them, that they just have some grudge against. They really are like the Shakespeare of asshat.

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

If Walker wins, Wisconsin will be renamed (rebranded?) Kochlandia.

Generation[redacted] June 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm

We have always been at war with Kochlandia.

flamingpdog June 5, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Kochistan.

MadBrahms June 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

God, I hope they don't call recall bullshit – it would destroy the democrats in Wisconsin forever. I want Walker to go down, but if he doesn't, we need to live to fight again another day.

Dildeaux June 5, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Walker wins.
Walker is indicted.
Walker supporters could care less.
Its about hating libruls. Period.

Estproph June 5, 2012 at 2:18 pm

This.

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Those fine patriots obstructing democracy are just trying to protect America, by obstructing democracy.

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 2:19 pm

Speaking of elections, California voters…US Senate. Open primary. Orly Taitz on the ballot. You know what to do!

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I voted for Putney Swope!

Don't rock the boat, sink it!

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Taitz/Swope 2012!

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I went all in for Orly on my absentee ballot! She's the only candidate I *know* is wetter, tighter, and hornier.

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Gotta support someone with the same attributes as yourself, you know.

Isyaignert June 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I heard someone call her "Oily Taint."

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I thought her name was Oily Titz?

valthemus June 5, 2012 at 2:20 pm

ALERT: Republicans want to win elections. (I suppose I already knew this, but I find this audio exceptionally disturbing.)

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

I hate these people so fucking much, some days.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:20 pm

It was disturbing, the more so because even if they get what they're asking for in the "ransom note", they'll still kill the hostage.

Mumbletypeg June 5, 2012 at 2:24 pm

This is possibly the most nervous I've every been as a non-Wisconsinite.

Crank_Tango June 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

OK WTF is a PIAPS, and can someone tell me why I love it/them/her?

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Pig in a pantsuit

(eg Hillary)

Crank_Tango June 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Ohhh — I can see why we demlibs are so hateful then.Sent from my iPhone

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Pig in a pantsuit

(eg Marcus Bachmann)

Limeylizzie June 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I was wondering that as well, sounds dirty.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I have no idea what that man has against Public Internet Access Points. Maybe they're socialist.

MittBorg June 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

They're PUBLIC, aren't they?

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Thank you. So glad I decided to read the comments. Now I don't have to ask. Now that I know, I think Ralph is a meany pants.

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm

But I'm sure he's a svelte & handsome feller, though.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:21 pm

"Pig in a Pantsuit", i.e., any woman who isn't chained to the kitchen sink for Jeebus.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

THIS MINISTRY IS JOINING PRAYER WARRIORS ACROSS AMERICA, AS WE INTERCEDE FOR WISCONSIN

"Ministry"?

Um, Ralph, that word…I do not think it means what you think it means

prommie June 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

"Ministry" is jeebustard for "grift" or "con."

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 6:49 pm

THIS MINISTRY IS JOINING PRAYER WARRIORS ACROSS AMERICA, AS WE INTERCEDE FOR WISCONSIN

Translation: I'M GOING TO BE TALKING TO MYSELF ALL DAY!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Ministry? Sure. Just let me ding a ling lang my dang a long ding dong.

weejee June 5, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Besides Scott, any other governors named Walker get indicted?

Tundra Grifter June 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

There was "Beau James," Gentleman Jimmy Walker, Mayor of New York City.

If you want to see Bob Hope in probably the best acting job of his career – I mean he is really, really good in a semi-dramatic role – check it out. That guy could act!

bureaucrap June 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Ralph — you may be 4 America, but the feeling is NOT mutual.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I often Ralph4America, particularly when some asshole like Jonah "Fudgie-the-Whale" Goldberg posts a column.

shirleyplz June 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

'No Shit Clichebot 5000,Mike Allen'
hahaha thank you for that

niblick77 June 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That's not even Ralph enough for one……..

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

What the gently caress is an "online/windshield ministry"?

Also, the windshield in my 1973 Chevy, "Vlad the Impala," actually does have its radio antenna sandwiched into the safety glass, so I suppose if anyone's windshield actually can get online, mine might. Just need the right wifi connection…

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

"Vlad the Impala"

Wow. I mean, I tip my hat to this.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Thanks. 8 mpg is a big price to pay for the sake of a rolling pun, but my mom bought it new when I was 10 years old, and I plan to drive it forever. I like the damn thing.

I think it needs headers and Flowmasters now.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

8 mpg – so she got the 454 option, or do you need a tuneup and a carb rebuild?

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm

350 and an Edelbrock 4-barrel; all MPG estimates pulled wholly outta my ass because the speedo cable has only worked intermittently since around 1993.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 3:08 pm

"Vlad the Impala"….win.

The cleverest name I ever came up with for a car was calling my Civic Hybrid the Mach 0.5. Does every hybrid have such miniscule horsepower? I'd think a traditional Civic with that same hp would get the exact same mileage, that's how low it is.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I name mine after Egyptian dieties, so I'm not even that cool.

It sorta loses its luster after Isis and Osiris. I managed to come up with Bastet for this one, but its a frikkin' Toyota, so the name is cooler than the vehicle.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Yes, and yes.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm

This is almost as awesome as (or slightly more awesome than, I'm not sure) the lady who drove a series of Plymouth Valiants, all of whom were named Prince.

x111e7thst June 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

PIAPS is some sort of disgusting skin disease right? Like Spondulicks or Reince Priebus?

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

More like Morgellons

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Pig In A Pantsuit. So definitely a Reince Preibus.

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Scrofula isn't unpleasant enough to be RNC head.

Chill_Bill June 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Yes, you should get a PIAPS Smear done just in case.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Also have a Pabst Beer, just in case.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Dammit, Ginger! You nearly gave me a heart attack, leapfrogging this post!

I thought I crossed streams in the mens' room!

noodlesalad June 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Turnout is crazy, as in there's a lot of people, or that the voters are literally insane? Guessing the latter.

CommieLibunatic June 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Don't fuck up, Wisconsin. If you can't recall such a cartoonishly inept and evil person, I'll probably say or do something that isn't nice.

Blueb4sunrise June 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Certainly, there will be a strongly-worded letter in the Times tomorrow!

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

And Wonkette will snark in your general direction.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:26 pm

I'm composing a strongly-worded, yet erudite, post as we speak, and will have it at the ready.

Estproph June 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

I am convinced that one of the Palins is writing Americaphile.

FlyOverGirl June 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Dictating, perhaps. Writing, nope.

anniegetyerfun June 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

If there is one thing jihadists love, it's swine. Stick that piglet in a pantsuit, and they just about die and go to 72 Virgin Heaven.

anniegetyerfun June 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Incidentally, this election is making me ralph for America on about an hourly basis.

An_Outhouse June 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I promise to drink enough today to ralph for America. Who's with me?

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Only if you're sharing your winebox.

prommie June 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

I got a half-gallon of Gordon's gin and a bottle of fucking French vermouth, Noilly. If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come have a seat with me.

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm

I'm pacing myself in the hope that the Taitz upset second place finish will counteract the Scotty "phew, that recall happened just before the dirt really started to hit the papers" result…

James Michael Curley June 5, 2012 at 2:56 pm

All I can say is Abu Yahya al-Libi!
I'm not sure what it means, it just sounds like something that should be shouted at a drunken brawl.

MadBrahms June 5, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Turnout is crazy in Dane County, i.e. Madison, where registering with the Dems is compulsory when you apply for your co-op membership (which is also compulsory if you want to live in Madison, commie).

Meanwhile, from the Milwaukee area, good news! Oh, and also, bad news!

weejee June 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Is it possible to get the Waukesha County ballots preemptively tossed since their County Clerk had all those counting problems last time?

freakishlywrong June 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Paycheck fairness act just goy fillybustered. Fucking fuck Rethugs are fucking the whole country. Media, get yer heads outta their fucking ases. For fucks sake.

CrunchyKnee June 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Barry doesn't want Walker to lose. That would mean he'd have to go against his corporate handlers best interests. Nah, who am I kidding, that'd never happen.

Diabeetis June 5, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Barry and the national Dems *heart* teh charter skoolz. Could be why they didn't do jack squat to help with the recall (it's not like they were strapped for cash).

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I want to start my own online/windshield ministry. I should ask RALPH4AMERICA to mentor me.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Honey, for only four easy payments of $49.99, I can sell you the Holy Squeegee of Weehawken, left by a mysterious godly creature on his death bed to the First Church of the Gooey Death and Discount House of Worship on Routes 1&9 in Newark.

But act now! Quantities are limited.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Unfortunately getting as crazy as RALPH4AMERICA would be hard work; you'd probably need some acid and PCP.

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Stop using up all the exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:28 pm

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

When the turnout is crazy, the crazy turn out!

Swampgas_Man June 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Tune in, turn on, turn out!

keinsignal June 5, 2012 at 3:16 pm

ralph[on]america

AngryBlakGuy June 5, 2012 at 3:17 pm

…considering that there really isn't anything better to do in Wisconsin other than masturbate to videos of Brett Favre in Wrangler commercials or go cow tipping; I forecast a heavy turn out!!!

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Hey welcome back!

tihond June 5, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Masturbating to Brett Favre commercials, or as I like to call it: My Saturdays. (P.S. We've moved on to jerking it to Aaron Rodgers. Post-Vikings, Favre is a hate fuck).

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Derpa derp how would the teevee character vote, derp?

Well, I know how JJ would vote! DY-NO-MITE!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 5, 2012 at 3:21 pm

While we are talking Wisconsin, I got the following in an email:

With polls open in Wisconsin and a razor thin margin expected, we are calling on Tea Party members to help us in 2 ways:

1. MAKE CALLS

No matter where you live in the U.S., we need you to make calls to Wisconsin voters on behalf of Gov. Walker, Lt. Gov. Kleefisch, and the Republican Senators being Recalled.

Instructions

Log on to
https://www.volunteer-connect.com/STPX/RequestCre

1). Fill out the form to receive a username and password

2). Log into the site and click on "Begin Calling."

3). At the prompt, click on "Self/Dial," enter your phone number, and click on "OK."

4). Click on "Begin Call" and follow the instructions to complete your call.

.
5). When finished calling, click on "End Call Session" and log out.

There will be a call script once you log-in.

I know they say there is a script, but don't you think the best stuff is off script?

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 3:25 pm

My work computer said that website is an 'untrusted connection'. For once IT is totally correct.

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

The best stuff is off script and recited while wearing a bicycle helmet.

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 5:49 pm

the best stuff is off script

Here's *my* script:

For fuck's sake, get off that couch, get your ass to the polls, and throw that ass Scotty out now!

Yeah, that's probably why campaigns like to get people to stick to *their* script…

anniegetyerfun June 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Yes. Mema has proved this to us once and for all.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:41 pm

Ha, now I'm picturing it:
*phone rings*
Random person: Hello?
Memaw: Hello, this here is Memaw a-speakin' at ya.
Random person: Um… OK. What can I do for you, Ma'am?
Memaw: Now listen up, Sunny Jim. I want you to git out there and vote for that there fella.
RP: Could you be a little bit more specific?
Memaw: Are yew sassin' me? Yew *best* not be sassin' me!
RP: Oh, um… no, Ma'am, I wouldn't do that.
Memaw: I mean that there nice young feller, the one that the teevee said. He looks like a nice God-fearin feller, but he do look sumpin' a bit strange around the eyes.
RP: Well, I don't really…
Memaw: Dang it, I done had my nephew Leroy Billy Joe-Bob fix up this here computer machine cause the teevee done told me to do it! So you best do what I say, hear?
RP: I'll be sure to do that, Ma'am. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to hang up and get to the Patriot Depot before it closes.
Memaw: Aw, ain't that nice. The Lord loves you, he surely do. You have a blessed day, now!
*both hang up*

elviouslyqueer June 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

INTERCEDE FOR WISCONSIN, IN TONGUES,

And behold, the name of my new Demi Lovato tribute band.

prommie June 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

My new band's name is Fucking Logistics. See, it works in two ways!

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Sounds like someone is having sexytime with a roadie. Or maybe just planning to?

prommie June 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Fuck, that name is old already, I am on to "Transit of Venus!"

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh

Americaphile is an Orangeman, eh?

Well, that explains a lot, including his raging misogyny.

el_donaldo June 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

The more things about Ralph4America are explained, the deeper other mysteries appear.

Verily, he is an enigma.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Wrapped in a conundrum

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

An enema wrapped in a condom.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:59 pm

…hidden within a colostomy bag.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:36 pm

To me the biggest mystery is how he managed to work out how to turn on a computer.

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

He's like Ron Swanson, only not awesome.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I wonder what the back of his pickup truck looks like.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

The comments section at Fox Nation, most likely.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm

The dreaded camper of last summer.

vodkamuppet June 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Ok, the teevee character thing is the most pathetic attempt at humor I've ever seen. Not sure how anyone could think that was funny. Sad.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Does Kenny Powers know that Kenny Powers is being libeled by Kenny Powers?

johnnyzhivago June 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

We are all cheeseheads tpday!

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Fuck, it's tpday already? This week is just flying by!

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm

TP day? But high school football season is still months away!

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

MARK 16:18!!!!

Kings 4:0

Turning to basketball, the Thunder beat San Antonio 108:103

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Dammit, I've stayed away from the sports websites all fucking day. We're toast.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I had the brew, she had the Chronic, the Lakers beat the Supersonics.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Mark what 16:18? And shouldn't that be simplified to 8:9?

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Or 2^3:3^2?

TootsStansbury June 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

OK, which one of you guys is Ralph?

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I'm Ralph!!

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

I'm Ralph!!

MoeDeLawn June 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I'm Ralph!!

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I'm Ralph, and so is my wife!!!

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Obama is standing by Tom Barrett. Well, not technically 'standing'.

He's hiding in a blanket-fort in a 'I'm for Tom Barrett' kind of way.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Wow, Ralph4America—I didn't realize they let the inmates have computers and internet access at the Bridgewater State Hospital for the Criminally Insane.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Johnny Ringo once "shot" a man in Reno, because he wanted to give him a buyback.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:44 pm

Then he went on to write some of the worst books in existence.

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

BARRETT → CLINTOON → PIAPS!!!!!!!!!

I got $10,000 that someday soon Ralph's website will be used as evidence in a zombie trial.

Beowoof June 5, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I think he is concerned everyone will notice his wife is a piaps.

Tundra Grifter June 5, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Packs of women roving from bar to bar – nothing like Wisconsin on a Saturday night.

But, today is Tuesday, and my heart is with our sisters and brothers in the Badger State.

The weather appears to be fine, which can only help turnout. The unions ought to be able to put together a solid ground game.

Sheer InSannity is crowing about a win already. He was scared to death to pick a candidate in the Republican presidential primary because it was a toss-up and he didn't want to back a loser.

I just wish "Dick" Morris had predicted a Walker landslide. Then I'd feel much better about things today…

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:45 pm

"I just wish "Dick" Morris had predicted a Walker landslide. Then I'd feel much better about things today… "

Or Bill Kristol.

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm

This just in from WI:

I voted about an hour ago. A 65% voter turnout was predicted. At the precinct (local Chamber of Commerce) there seemed to have been a lot of people in already. The person in front of me and the person behind me had just registered. Lots of signs for both sides up, two houses in Oshkosh had opposing signs – one in the pro-Walker yard said "Recall Santa I didn't get what I wanted" but I didn't see any worse than that. Overall I think I saw as many pro-Walker as anti-Walker or Pro-Barrett signs. Same as TV ads – which makes me wonder what the Republicans did with that 7 to 1 money advantage they had. Those big "I stand with Governor Walker" signs must be really expensive.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

The difference is probably that the Barrett camp just had to pay for the printing, but the Walker camp also had to pay people to display them.

tihond June 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Lots and lots of blow and rentboys.

kakotechnia June 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Heh, Detroit union buses are the new FEMA camp apparently. Check out this fever-dream that Fox Nation thinks is news: http://nation.foxnews.com/wisconsin-recall-electi

Also, to the patriot that tweeted *ring ring* Hello? Hi. It's just the game, man #WireCall
You are just the best.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Looks like Phil Hendrie is still in business.

elviouslyqueer June 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Shorter Fox Nation transcript:

Plink, Plante, Punk'd.

randcoolcatdaddy June 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

"THIS MINISTRY IS JOINING PRAYER WARRIORS ACROSS AMERICA, AS WE INTERCEDE FOR WISCONSIN, IN TONGUES, THAT THE VOTERS THERE WILL HEED WISE COUNCIL TODAY AND AVOID DISASTER!!!!!!"

With electrolytes, not water, like from the toilet?

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm

My Intense Debate account is my Ministry! Please tithe your 10% to me today!!

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Here is my 2cents worth.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Your Deluxe Prayer Snark is in the mail!

Limeylizzie June 5, 2012 at 5:33 pm

You got my 10% and then some, baby.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

"And, while it may be time to stop all of your weeping and swallow your pride, the mayor of Tombstone, Arizona was recalled."

The sun is not yellow, it's chicken.

Steverino247 June 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

With his boots on?

neiltheblaze June 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

The tears on my cheeks are from laughter.

fuflans June 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm

on wisconsin.

valthemus June 5, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Fake robocalls? Again with the fake fucking robocalls?!? Didn't Maryland just send someone to prison for that? Do these fucktards never learn?

Right, that does it. I'm going to spend the rest of the day in the library reading about algebraic topology. At least *that* makes sense to me.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Republicans have a name for the fake robocalls: "standard operating procedure".

They also have a name for the couple of nights you spend in prison on the very, very, very rare occasions you get caught: "the cost of doing business".

PS. don't bother reading about algebraic topology, just make a friend in Minsk who has a friend in Pinsk whose friend in Omsk has friend in Tomsk with friend in Akmolinsk. Only be sure always to call it, please, "research".

SudsMcKenzie June 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I just voted and will be heading to the "belly of the beast" – Capital Square, to monitor results from a bar. My neighborhood was canvassed three time last weekend, saw high school kids holding up pro-Barret signs on my way to work, the Ed show was broadcasting outside my office yesterday. Dane will of course go heavy Barret – in the peoples republic of Madison people seem confident – I'm afraid they underestimate the power of the Wingnut Brigade outside of the city.

p.s.remember we just need to pick up 1 of the 4 Senate seats to put a monkey wrench in this wretched fucks plans.

zedbot June 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Keep us abreast….you know we love to be fondled.

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I'm off for popcorn and a coke–anybody want something?

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Pick me up some laudanum if they have any. Heroin if not.

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 4:40 pm

I'm low on PIAPS.

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm

OK

Laudanum (or heroin). check
PIAPS (Hi Hils!). check

Anyone else?

Orange whip? Orange whip?

Pithaughn June 5, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Tin foil, for the transit . The transit will cause the sun to radiate more plutonium from it's turbo encabulator.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:47 pm

The country we would have had if Bush hadn't been appointed Preznit in 2000, please.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 4:13 pm

So, when does the voter fraud begin?

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 4:16 pm

The fraud against voters started days ago.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

All seemingly true, and yet he got the color-coding wrong. Can we trust him now?

Plus, he put the Repubs on the left of the sign! Also.

Too.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Left out "atheists" and "don't support the troops".
No comical misspellings/grammatical errors/unintentional irony.
However, his printing is nice and legible.
C+ for content/B- for execution

JackDempsey1 June 5, 2012 at 4:22 pm

(UPDATE: The lady who runs Wonkette has decided to turn this into a un-timestamped-but-still-livebloggy mcdongle type thing.”)

I simply must demand that the editrix allow Jim up for air and/or sandwich.

keinsignal June 5, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I'm voting for homo perversion.

anniegetyerfun June 5, 2012 at 6:42 pm

He made the choice so clear!

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Mr. Sign forgot a couple of things for the blue side: namely:

War
Racism
Anti-education
Closeted gay preachers
Poor spelling

undeadgoat June 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

As far as turnout goes, in my district nearly 200 people had voted before me (around 1 pm), which considering that (1) I live in a district full of college students and other disaffected youth who just don't fucking vote and (2) lots of people are gone for the summer is not that terrible. Friends of mine who live in districts with average ages above 30 are reporting huge numbers, lines around the block, etc. though!

I plan to go hang out at the protests later and try and get in front of a national news camera; I went to the bank this morning and Fox and CNN all had official buses!

As far as "enthusiasm gap" goes, fuck you Mr. President.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Mark 16:18:

They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.

So, what is he telling us? Well, clearly, by taking up snakes, he means the Koch brothers (Snake = phallus = penis = cock = Koch). Which clearly means Walker, since he has "taken up the snake" by taking in all that Koch money.

And under Walker, the only health care available to the poor will be the laying of hands, since all other social programs will be scrapped in order to allow Koch Industries to expand and prosper.

But what is the deadly thing that Gov. Walker has drunk, that will not harm him? Did it come from a Koch? Why won't RALPH4AMERICA tell us? When will the prophecy be fulfilled?

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Yeah, that snake handling thing works so well.

Beowoof June 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm

I have to say I love the fact I live in New York. Fight on Wisconsin or those pricks will be attacking here next.

Tundra Grifter June 5, 2012 at 4:55 pm

McDongle?

Didn't he used to play second base for the Mets? Nifty glove but he hit about a buck fifty?

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Silly me, I thought he split closing duties with Jesse Orosco in '86.

neiltheblaze June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Initiating the infamous McDongle line. And Mario Mendoza cries tears of gratitude.

Tundra Grifter June 5, 2012 at 6:17 pm

ntb:

WIN!

Sharkey June 5, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Expert Available

This expert?

weejee June 5, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Learn moar & moar about less & less until you know everything about nothing.

Sharkey June 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

It is a parody, you realize. I think he's funny, that's all. Whenever somebody calls themselves an "expert", I think of him.

Abernathy June 5, 2012 at 5:06 pm

If we give Walker the heave-ho, it'll be like Raygun dying all over again.

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 5:09 pm

BREAKING!!!

Obama's tweet in support of Tom Barrett got re-tweeted!

#bullypulpitwin

Mittens Howell, III June 5, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Ronald Reagan died on June 5 2004. Pityfuck please?

kthanksbye,

Scott.

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Is Reagan still dead?

Why, yes. Yes, he is.

neiltheblaze June 5, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I'll let him blow me, will that do?

keinsignal June 5, 2012 at 5:26 pm

So wait, as an added bonus we get to kill Reagan again? On Fuckin' Wisconsin!

el_donaldo June 5, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Poor Jason Linkins. Huff Po is such a massive pool of mediocre link-bait if not outr!ght stupidity.

And yet I check it nearly every day.

weejee June 5, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Trust me on this el_donaldo staying away from HuffPoo will feel even better than to stop banging yourself over the head with a ball peen waffle-headed framing hammer.

DerrickWildcat June 5, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Here's why Walker will win:
"People Aren't Smart Enough for Democracy to Flourish" http://news.yahoo.com/people-arent-smart-enough-d

metamarcisf June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Side boob better than no boob.

Terry June 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Wow, that guy with the big poster comparing Republicans and Democrats really opened my eyes. I had no idea that I'm a "homo". My significant other is going to be a bit surprised.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 5:47 pm
Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm

No Homo…sapiens.

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I call bullshit on this guy. I mean, he's WEARING SANDALS!!!!
Obviously he's some sort of Commie Fag plant.

rocktonsam June 5, 2012 at 5:48 pm

someone is sending robo calls telling people they don't need to vote if they signed the petition

cripes

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 5:50 pm

I wish the Tank Riot lads were doing a liveblog. They'd find a way to make a connection to Star Trek TOS (The Original Series)

Callyson June 5, 2012 at 5:52 pm

So Ralph4America wants to quote the bible?

Mark 16:18
New International Version (©1984)
they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.

Sounds like Obamacare to me…

Goonemeritus June 5, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I went to his blog, best I can tell he is a snake handling Loyalist with a deep seated hatred of the Irish. I think PIAPS refers to Clinton who he hates because of the Irish peace accord. I hold out hope he isn’t a citizen of the USA, I don’t like thinking he is in our gene pool.

Barrelhse June 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 7:31 pm

New International Version? Blasphemy!

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

You know who else died on June 5th? Dee Dee Ramone, who wrote the song Glad to See You Go.

Wile E. Quixote June 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Damn, Reagan and Dee Dee Ramone. How many other people did Obama kill that day?

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 6:24 pm

According to Wikipedia, O. Henry and Mel Tormé. Damn that Obama!

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Annnnd there went the last of my hope for a Mel Torme/Ramones tour.

Indiepalin June 5, 2012 at 6:56 pm

I had to go dig out my 12 inch single of "Bonzo Goes to Bitburg"

CivicHoliday June 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm

I voted today! Granted, I live in St. Louis county and it was on a local sewage taxation and infrastructure project…but still…

Wile E. Quixote June 5, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Anyone who is stupid enough to fall for that should be permanently disenfranchised. Seriously, if you have that little understanding of how the electoral process works then you deserved to be fucked over by the Koch brothers and the Republicans.

Butch_Wagstaff June 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

I have to agree.
Has civics education gotten so bad in this country that people will actually believe such bullshit?
No snark. I'm asking that question seriously.

flamingpdog June 5, 2012 at 6:04 pm

My boss just left for the day. I may have to start drinking before I go home tonight. I'll be the one changing three lanes at once without turning the steering wheel tonite on I-25.

DaRooster June 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm

FUCK YOU SCOTT WALKER AND ALL THE OTHER CRONIES LIKE YOU!!

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 6:06 pm

"The Great Patriot Red/Blue Shift", reversing the longstanding identification of Socialist Lefties as "Reds", is as much of a mystery as The "Great Shawty Shift", when "shorties" stopped being junior gangmembers and became cute girls at da club.

Barrelhse June 5, 2012 at 6:08 pm
SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I'm watching here:
http://venustransit.nasa.gov/webcasts/nasaedge/

And thank CERN for the World Wide Web, because it's all cloudy here now so I couldn't watch even if I had the right equipment.

Barrelhse June 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Thanks for the link- Guardian was showing a similar pic from the Mauna Kea telescopes but the NASA site crashed. This is a nice view.
Also, raining here, too. It's always cloudy for auroras, eclipses, meteor showers, and transits of Venus.

FlyOverGirl June 5, 2012 at 6:25 pm

2nd Lady Jill Biden was born on June 5th. So suck it, Reagan.

Sharkey June 5, 2012 at 7:54 pm

I like to think she personally killed him, as a B-day present to herself.

flamingpdog June 5, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Bobby Kennedy was shot on June 5, 1968, but held onto life until June 6. Probably so he wouldn't have to end up on the same "Who died on June 5 list" with the Rontard.

If Oily Titz wins the primary tonight, will she be willing to take a bullet for America?

anniegetyerfun June 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Oh, please, it's not a choice between marriage and perversion. You can totally have both.

Now if you'll excuse me, there are four alpaca in my backyard that need some lovin'.

Barrelhse June 5, 2012 at 6:48 pm

3.53pm: To rub salt into America's wounds, Wonkette is also live-blogging the Wisconsin recall election:

That from the Guardian.

chascates June 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Rubbing Salt Into America's Wounds would be a great name for a band but will do as a slogan for Wonkette.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 5, 2012 at 8:13 pm

And they used Jim's awesome Cliche Bot 5000 line. Superb.

Antispandex June 5, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Even if Walker lost, there is still no way to shame the Teapublicans…I needs a beers.

Beowoof June 5, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Why the WTDY lady works for right wing radio, who would have thought she would be out tweeting that bullshit.

ttommyunger June 5, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I knew Scott Walker was a douche when I saw him duck-walking his Harley in a local parade. John fucking Kerry dropped a few points in my estimation when he rode one onto the set of Leno during his ill-fated campaign. I guess the mouth-breathers eat that shit up, 'cause they keep doing it.

chascates June 5, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Hey, there's no vagina shots of Linkins on that site! Got any Pareene porn?

Maman June 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

When did side boob overtake nip slip?

Sharkey June 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Well, when did Miley Cyrus start to mean more than Janet Jackson?

INEQUALITY DAMMIT!

fartknocker June 5, 2012 at 7:32 pm

The drinking lamp has been illuminated in my house. We'll be settling in for an evening of MSNBC. Cheers fellow Wonketters.

And surprise, surprise, the GOP voted against the Equal Pay for Women bill.
http://www.chron.com/news/article/Senate-GOP-bloc

medhat June 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Proving tonight (so far) that Wisconsin is not Florida. Not a hanging chad in sight! Unless there's a recount… one can only hope, for a while after Dancing with the Stars it was getting a bit boring around here.

Designer_Radio June 5, 2012 at 8:45 pm

The thuggish, power-hungry Prohibition-era New Jersey politician is torn. A recall is a double-edged sword: He could lose his job the same way, but he also favors ousting political opponents by any means necessary. Votes for Barrett.

Enoch “Nucky” Thompson is a hard-line Republican, you boobs at JSOnline.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 5, 2012 at 10:16 pm

CNN projects a Walker win. I have some relatives in Wisconsin that are going to be bummed out tonight. I think I'll break out a bottle of raspberry mead to ease the pain myself. Sigh.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Edam well ought to be, for being a mo Leicester of union rights!

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Why haven't a comfortable majority of Wisconsinites seen that they've been feta diet of lies?

Golfing_OJ June 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Numbers don't lie! Walker mozzarella give up!

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:55 pm

All Wisconsonites with chat software should go on their camembert witness to the fact that things are not o-Queso everyone will get out and vote.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

There's stiltons of people who need to get to the polls!

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I've got to stop thinking about it or I'll have emmental breakdown.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Your puns are all very Stilton. You need to loosen up. Take a lesson from the Curds, and Bougon down once in a while. Cantal get along here? I mean, it's all Coolea and all that, I'm sure, but I'm worried you'll get angry with each other and then there'll be this big Freisian Wonkette. And I would hate to see that.

Chichikovovich June 5, 2012 at 3:03 pm

You're right about that. What should I keep banging my head on a roquefort?

I'm just going to step away and take a relaxing drive in my Chèvre olet.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I think we all knew this was on the whey.

EDIT: Chèvre olet? Or a 1969 Goat?

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I camembert it any more, either.

fuflans June 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

i will be so bleu

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I thought there was a banon that?

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I'm Rafe.

George Skullfry June 5, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Vaughn Williams?

Mumbletypeg June 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Indeed I will!
And I'll save the brass ruler for my knuckles, as I inadvertently linked to my *own* comment of olde upstairs there, not ttommy's. Hopefully if you followed it you scrolled down to his + 10 replies, including MrBlifil's, that about pushed me over the edge cramped with laughter.

MittBorg June 6, 2012 at 3:14 am

I don't give a shit, hun. I ain't gettin' nowhere near her till she puts her "kick 'em in the head mad" boots down.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: