battleaxe of the republic

One Million Moms Defeats Battalion Of Gay Green Lantern Comix Nerds, Hides

sexy witchesPoor One Million Moms. So many campaigns in which to declare victory before frantically fleeing in disarray, so little time! So whom did OMM defeat this time? Bloodthirsty lesbian Ellen Degeneres is yesterday’s news. Nope, now it is the Gay Green Lantern, and his legion of fanboys. OMM, having obviously crushed this un-superhero’s un-super agenda, has now deleted its Facebook page entirely, because of Bible Camp.

The New Civil Rights Movement reports that moments after issuing a “warning” Friday about DC’s official announcement (see below), the page’s administrator began deleting positive comments before apparently giving up and removing the post entirely. Shortly afterward, the One Million Moms page disappeared from Facebook, certainly the initiative’s most valuable social media platform. The abrupt exodus was followed by a tweet announcing, unconvincingly, to Facebook users that, “OMM will be offline most of next week for Vacation Bible School!”

What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM’s Facebook page?

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

[Robot6/NewCivilRights]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • tihond

    Their livejournal page remains… ever vigilant. Last posted to four years ago.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    OMM-nom-nom. Halloween candy delivered by sexy anime witches.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Where is Sailor Moon?

    • sullivanst

      Aww, I was hoping the witches were the treat.

    • Guppy
  • Baconzgood

    How many MILFS are members?

    • edgydrifter

      Speaking just for myself and without ever having seen any of them, ZERO.

    • ProgressiveInga

      NONE of 'em, Katie……

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      Crazy ones sometimes are real red hot mommas.

    • Swampgas_Man

      Mothers I'd Label Fucked-up?

      • MadBrahms

        Mothers with Incredible Lesbonic Fantasies?

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    OMM's last FB status update:
    "Going back to the kitchen to make sammiches for one million dads!"

  • Sassomatic

    OMM NOM. One million moms. Not One MILF.

    • sullivanst

      "One million figure may not be accurate. Taxes and fees may apply."

      • HogeyeGrex

        "Half a dozen batshit-crazy, repressed scolds" didn't have the same ring to it.

    • MadBrahms

      I think being a member of NOM disqualifies one from being a MILF by default.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    This Green Lantern gay thing is a surprise? Hell, I figured it out back in the 70s when he shared a comic book with the Green Arrow.

    • HateMachine

      I think the only real surprise is that Batman wasn't the one DC decided to bring out of the closet. I mean, come on. Fabulously wealthy, perpetual bachelor, has a 'ward', has a cave full of leather outfits he likes to wear at night?

    • SorosBot

      Wrong Green Lantern though; that was Hal Jordan, the Silver Age GL, who probably along with Jon Stewart is the most well-known of the Green Lanterns; this is Alan Scott, the original Golden Age GL.

      • SayItWithWookies

        Soros, let me be the first to say that's sooooo brave of you to come out as a Green Lantern nerd. And I will love you just as much as before, no matter what.

        • SorosBot

          Nah, I've always been more of a Marvel fan. Still know the basics on DC though of course.

      • SexySmurf

        Which one of the Green Lanterns banged Scarlett Johansson?

        • Jus_Wonderin

          I bet that had to be a stunt double.

        • BarackMyWorld

          Hal Jordan.

  • Baconzgood

    "Vacation Bible School!”

    That sounds about as much fun as going on vacation to work at a Pizza Hut. Who the hell would want to do that?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Being raised in an atheist household, I was never forced to participate in this kind of shit, and I always felt great sympathy for my friends that were. Compassion, see, just like the Bible teaches.

      • proudgrampa

        Oh, Baldar. You missed out on so much. Vacation Bible School was the epitome of the "religious experience."

        It sucked. Big Time.

        • Baconzgood

          Yeah it did. Imagine being in church….non-stop…..FOR A WHOLE WEEK!

        • Jus_Wonderin

          We did get Lorna Doon's and Kool-aid. Yeah, I was raised Baptist.

          • proudgrampa

            Oh. A fellow recovering Baptist. Southern or American?

            It's a wonder we survived that.

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Southern. The worst kind, right? Yeah, I am a backslider from as far back at 1973.

          • proudgrampa

            Like I said. It's a wonder that we have survived that experience with our psyches intact.

          • anniegetyerfun

            We're glad to have you here! Wonkette only takes the worst kind of anything.

        • cheetojeebus

          Oh yeah, when the highlight of the day is a fucking snocone and story time includes a crazy "missionary" screaming that you will all burn in hell. Staying at home and watching endless daytime tv would be nirvana.

          • proudgrampa

            Yup. In my early teens. I finally got tired of those assholes screaming at me that I was going to burn in hell.

            There has got to be something better than guilt to help you find a purpose in life.

    • OkieDokieDog

      I spent many a summer at the Baptist vacation bible school pasting cotton balls on lambs (not real ones, which probably would have been way more fun). Then we'd sing Onward Christian Soldiers The highlight of the day was cookies & Koolaid.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Koolaid, huh?

      • elviouslyqueer

        You should've come to the Presbyterian VBS. We had brownies!

        • sullivanst

          Brownies?!! What sort of Presbyterians allow such sinful pleasures of the flesh as dessert?

          • elviouslyqueer

            Oh please, this was Louisiana, where every blessing started with "Praise the Lord and pass the etouffee."

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        "We can get the kids to believe all of this shit with cookies and Kool-Aid!!"

    • Lizzietish81

      Weird, cause I remember Bible School happening in the actual summer when school stopped.

      Course I was in Liberal Hippy Methodist Bible School, and they didn't want to interfere with our public education.

      • Baconzgood

        All good Christians are home schooled

    • prommie

      Wasn't the movie called Jesus Camp?

    • Beowoof

      I remember VBS, or as I like to think of it, Vacation Bible Torture. And we used to get out of school and go to religious education conducted by the church every week. That sucked too.

    • Ramon X

      It's been a very long time ago… But the only thing I remember about VBS was that there were girls. Maybe I didn't do it right?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Trust me, nobody. Between that and Bible Camp, where you spend morning and evening on religious claptrap with humiliations in the woods in the afternoon, summer is pretty much fundie-fucked.

    • Jimmyone

      I lost my virginity to the Pastor's 16 year old daughter at VBS. I didn't know what a blow job was at the time……. I couldn't concentrate on the Bible part for the rest of the week. I spent the rest of my life in the pursuit of THE Blow Job. Is that covered in the Bible?

  • Sassomatic

    Where is this million-mom camp? Sodexho would very much like to get its hands on that food service contract.

    • scvirginia

      Even with multiple personality disorder, there's only so much that one mom can eat…

  • PuckStopsHere

    They are busy watching the Stanley Cup playoffs. Wait…not plausible. Nobody is watching the Stanley Cup playoffs.

    • fartknocker

      Watch it Puck. You're entering into Barb's area of interest. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (which I learned in Vacation Bible School).

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        If anything happens to ESPN's One And Only Hockey Commentator Barry Melrose, I'm sure Barb can step in!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "If at first you don't succeed, shut down your webpage and run away."

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

      Sarah Palin must be their FB Page Admin.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Anyone search for a Facebook page called "Lou Mom?"

    • George Skullfry

      And declare victory.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Then you just lie and say how you "won".

  • Fairtackle

    One Million

    This is what counting looks like when educated in the LA school system.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Or Vacation Bible School.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    To fap or not to fap?
    HAHAHHAHAHA!! Just kidding.

  • Not_So_Much

    OMM clearly doesn't understand 'winning' or 'math'. 47 cranky religionbots ≠ one million.

  • Chichikovovich

    What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM’s Facebook page?

    They've all been raptured?

    (Please, please, pleeeeeeese, let it be that.)

  • veritass

    OMM will be offline most of next week while we attend a math class to learn what the number "one million" means!

    • Generation[redacted]

      They must have learned math in one of those for-profit private religious schools in Louisiana.

      • FNMA

        One-hundred-and-twenty percent of Fox News viewers agree with that. Forty percent were undecided.

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Jesus Saves You U?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What is this country coming to when a hate group can't even have a facebook page? When will the anti-anti-gay bullying finally stop?

    • SorosBot

      By calling them bullies, you're guilty of reverse bullying!

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        So I'm guilty of anti-anti-anti-gay bullying? I'm soooo confused.

        • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

          Since so many of the anti-gay bullies are bullies, you're guilty of anti-anti-anti-gay bully bullying. I think.

          • George Skullfry

            Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.

  • edgydrifter

    Life must be pretty sweet when the thing that keeps you awake at night is anxiety about where a second-tier comic book character parks his fictional tackle.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Isn't it canon that there are at least a billion Green Lanterns at any one time? How does the presence of a single gay one destroy the lives of families everywhere?

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        The answer's is easy. It's Science! Or something…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    One Million Moms with firearms would be trouble…

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Not if they shoot like Sarah Palin.

  • ProgressiveInga

    Can't wait for Robin to come out and gay-marry Green Lantern and they have a gayby. Then Heather will have Two Super-Daddies.

  • SorosBot

    No one tell them that Marvel has had many openly gay characters for quite some time, generally without making a big deal over it, and had the first male-male kiss in mainstream comics between Shatterstar and Rictor in X-Factor quite a few years ago.

    • BarackMyWorld

      I was going to mention Apollo and the Midnighter have been gay since the 1990s, but DC only acquired them when they bought Wildstorm a few years ago.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Let's tell them about Love & Rockets and watch their heads explode.

      Viva Latina Lesbians!

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      I must say my life is, on the whole, far more serene not knowing my Shatterstar from my elbow.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      They're not One Million Comic Nerds.

  • Rotundo_

    Jesus yawned. And then scratched his balls, got a beer and sat down to watch the game and fall asleep-again.

    • prommie

      Maybe there is no devil, maybe its just God when he's drunk. Tom Waits

    • An_Outhouse

      BUILD THE DAMN FENCE!!!

      Oh, wait. You meant Gee-zus not Hey-Zeuss.

  • SayItWithWookies

    OMM is actually preparing for their big relaunch with a new name — Fifty Creepy Men and Their Beards.

  • Generation[redacted]

    …Facebook, certainly the initiative’s most valuable social media platform.

    Oooooo… Burn!

    • sewollef

      Yeah…. not sure I'd call them an "initiative" either.

  • Goonemeritus

    The real storey is not the Green Lantern is gay in an Alternate Universe, the real storey is North Star is getting gay married 6/20/12 in our Universe. Sure all you can rejoice at this acceptance of an alternative life styles if you want but the day I accept a French Canadian Hero is the day I die.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "French-Canadian Hero"

      Well, he is a mutant, right?

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      SNIKT!!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “OMM will be offline most of next week for Vacation Bible School!”

    Just kidding. They're all waiting down at the newsstand to pick up the new issue of Green Lantern when it comes out (as it were).

  • Billmatic

    Is it just me or is there is a lot more cheesecake on this site lately?

    • Beowoof

      You ask like it's a bad thing?

  • proudgrampa

    Hmmmm. Those "sexy witches" are HAWT.

    What was this about, again?

    • prommie

      Faptastic anime witches!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    One million moms is not so much a description of their members as it is their total weight as a group. There's really like 147 members.

  • UnholyMoses

    You forgot "Running Away Like A Bunch Of Pissy Middle School Girls Because Everyone Thinks We're Rucking Fetarded" as an option.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's really too bad DC didn't out the Green Lantern a year ago, maybe the movie would have done better at the box office, at least among the gay population… You know, Brokeback Lantern.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I, for one, only see movies that have sheep in them. And I will pay more for sheep.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        What, so you can "glue cotton" to them?

  • StealthMuslin

    In the 1940s the Superman radio show did a Wikileaks number on the secrets of the Ku Klux Klan. http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/39296 This week Gay Green Lantern shut down the One Million (40K tops) Moms. In terms of doing good in the real world this puts superheroes two up on God.

  • CapnRadio

    Eatin' muff? Will their big gathering be The One Million Mom Munch?

    • Generation[redacted]

      More like Pancake Breakfast.

    • prommie

      That I would pay to see!

  • UnholyMoses

    What, you mean most groups don't entirely delete their pages when taking a break, choosing instead to leave them up until they return?

    UNPOSSIBLE!

  • ShreditorsDesk

    "We are all single and pregnant, so we won't be posting for 9 months."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I propose we start our own organization. One Million Skullf*ckers. (OMSF for short) Our version of "camp" will be way more exciting than their's.

    • UnholyMoses

      Hell, the Nazi's version of "summer camp" was probably more exciting than theirs will be.

      (What? Is it still too soon … ?)

    • sewollef

      Just point me to your sign up page.

  • UnholyMoses

    You know who else had a summer camp?

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Bill Murray?

    • SorosBot

      Tommy?

    • chascates

      Jason Voorhees?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Allan Sherman?

    • Generation[redacted]

      William T. Sherman?

    • MosesInvests

      Alyson Hannigan?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    When do we get to learn the results of these surveys? Or are they collecting data to do a study on the opinions of sexual deviants?

  • sewollef

    Has anyone ever counted them?

    I mean, are there actually one million mothers who are crazy as fucking hell? Wow.

    • SorosBot

      I think it's really "A dozen or so moms", but like the old "moral majority" they assume the majority of other moms are as backwards and hate-filled as them and silently agree. And they are wrong.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    They took down their Facebook page because they're moving to the more relevant social media platform, MySpace. They'll probably keep their AOL email addresses, though.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Well, duh. They have a thousand free hours on CD-ROM.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      AOLibel!!!!!

  • BarackMyWorld

    But purists and fans note: This Green Lantern is not the emerald galactic space cop Hal Jordan who was, and is, part of the Justice League and has had a history rich in triumph and tragedy. Instead, he's a parallel earth Green Lantern. James Robinson, who writes the new series, said Alan Scott is the retooled version of the classic Lantern whose first appearance came in the pages of "All-American Comics" No. 16 in July 1940…..DC comics has other gay characters, too, including Kate Kane, the current Batwoman, The Question, and married characters Apollo and the Midnighter. http://news.yahoo.com/green-lantern-relaunched-br

    Yeah, come on, folks, it's just Alan Scott.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Also Rob Halford.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "came in the pages of "All-American Comics"

      Hence their being all stuck together.

      And dude, 1940? He's gotta be all old and wrinkly, right?

      • BarackMyWorld

        The whole DC timeline got rebooted, so…no.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          OK. I guess since I stopped reading comics for the most part at about the same time I got my first car and girlfriend, around 35 years ago, I'll stop trying to pretend I'm up to date.

    • BarackMyWorld

      DC's got a bajillion Green Lanterns. If Hal Jordan came out of the closet, people might have a reason to care.

      • Naked_Bunny

        Arisia was a teenage alien, but at least she wasn't a guy!

        • George Skullfry

          "Arisia"?

          Doc Smith LIBEL!!!

    • SorosBot

      Having Apollo and Midnighter in the main DC universe after the reboot is strange, because they're obvious analogues to Superman and Batman, except they're a couple and are willing to kill. As part of the Wildstorm universe they worked well; but now they're in the same world as the real Clark and Bruce and that's somewhat odd.

      • BarackMyWorld

        If your point is that DC is stupid, you can rest your case.

        • SorosBot

          The reboot, especially, is stupid. Let's embrace the worst excesses of the 90s and make everything super grim, gritty and ultra-violent!

          • BarackMyWorld

            And with costumes designed by 90s icon Jim Lee!
            Body armor and v-shaped collars for everyone!

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Mr. Scott is lookin' hot for a guy in his 70s.

  • mavenmaven

    Does anyone else have an issue with the fact that they made Green Lantern's lover a short Asian man, which sort of perpetuates a different unpleasant stereotype?
    and here's today's relevant hetero challenge (you know you will send this link to all your friends): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCMxEkbPaPY

    • Estproph

      Well, he is vulnerable to the color yellow…

    • BarackMyWorld

      For the 100th time…not THAT Green Lantern…

  • metamarcisf

    In the brightest day, in the blackest night, no mother shall escape my sight

  • Exhausted66

    They just pinned running (away) shoes to their Pinterest page.

  • SorosBot

    Here's a bunch of classic covers that show all the Wonder Woman bondage:
    http://superdickery.com/index.php?option=com_cont

    And it was all intentional; WW's creator was really, really into bondage. He also was married and him and his wife had a girlfriend they engaged in regular threesomes with.

    • Generation[redacted]

      So I wasn't the only one fantasizing about being the ground crew for her invisible jet? (a little to the right, now forward, there right there)

    • Stevola

      Page 8:"Goblin Head Rock"?

  • Callyson

    What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM's Facebook page?

    Moose hunting camp

    Women's Christian Temperance Union meeting

    The rapture

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      Zombie apocalypse.

  • chascates

    One million moms and they ALL are gone off to vaca bible skool?

    • Naked_Bunny

      Well, they only have the one computer.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, Green Lantern is gay. Your move, Fredric Wertham.

    • http://www.toastcat.com Fred_Wertham_Jr

      They're just lucky Dad is dead.

  • prommie

    I send Prommie Junior to a church camp. Its a Quaker camp, I call it, variously, Hippiecampus, or Camp Bongwaters. At drop-off and pick-up, every vehicle is a Volvo, and there are Birkenstocks everywhere. Peasant dresses and unshaved legs! I am surrounded by every liberal college professor stereotype in existence. They have turned him into a pacifist agnostic. Its great! I think the kids are all sexing each other, he's 12 now, jeebus, what the fuck, he should get to 13 at least, before delving into all that shit, shouldn't he? Fucking kids make you old.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "pacifist agnostic"

      How does that compare with an atlantic agnostic?

      • mavenmaven

        That's the one that used to have a gay republican sarah palin birth conspiracy columnist, no?

  • neiltheblaze

    They are the "Brave, Brave, Sir Robin" of conservative nut orgs.

  • BarackMyWorld
  • owhatever

    Dear Diary:
    Day One — So happy to be at Bible Camp. Everyone is so friendly. Pastor Bill plays the most beautiful guitar to accompany the hymns.
    Day Two — A million moms and ten portapotties.Thank you Jesus for building this majestic forest.
    Day Three — Okay, which one of you bitches stole my eye-liner?
    Day Four — Enough of the religion crap all day long. Caroline may a whore, but she brews some mean meth.
    Day Five — Snuck into the counselor's tent last night and got drunk with Pastor Bill, after Jennifer said he was really hung. She was right.
    Day Six — Skinny dip and orgy following evening services, and we all swear on bible not to tell.
    Day Seven — Home to the hubby and my four darling children in time for church. Bill tweets during hymn 148 that he may have crabs.

  • Steverino247

    Well, I'll see your Survey and raise you mine: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/STBCXPW

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    OMMILF

    deit: Editrix, where do we go to see our vote results in these delicious polls?

  • keinsignal

    Oh good, the poll allows multiple answers. I picked the last three, I think they make a rather compelling story put together…

  • Dashboard Buddha

    How does one see the results of the poll?

  • anniegetyerfun

    I am beginning to suspect that One Million Moms is actually a brilliant piece of guerilla marketing by an agency hired to promote the liberal agenda. Literally anything these broads bitch about is immediately a cpmplete success.

  • ChessieNefercat

    "1. What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM's Facebook page?"

    I looked for OMM with "feminine itch", but didn't see it.

  • ttommyunger

    "What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM's Facebook page?" Probably not the oral sex, I'm guessing.