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One Million Moms Defeats Battalion Of Gay Green Lantern Comix Nerds, Hides

sexy witchesPoor One Million Moms. So many campaigns in which to declare victory before frantically fleeing in disarray, so little time! So whom did OMM defeat this time? Bloodthirsty lesbian Ellen Degeneres is yesterday’s news. Nope, now it is the Gay Green Lantern, and his legion of fanboys. OMM, having obviously crushed this un-superhero’s un-super agenda, has now deleted its Facebook page entirely, because of Bible Camp.

The New Civil Rights Movement reports that moments after issuing a “warning” Friday about DC’s official announcement (see below), the page’s administrator began deleting positive comments before apparently giving up and removing the post entirely. Shortly afterward, the One Million Moms page disappeared from Facebook, certainly the initiative’s most valuable social media platform. The abrupt exodus was followed by a tweet announcing, unconvincingly, to Facebook users that, “OMM will be offline most of next week for Vacation Bible School!”

What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM’s Facebook page?

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      1. HogeyeGrex

        "Half a dozen batshit-crazy, repressed scolds" didn't have the same ring to it.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    This Green Lantern gay thing is a surprise? Hell, I figured it out back in the 70s when he shared a comic book with the Green Arrow.

    1. HateMachine

      I think the only real surprise is that Batman wasn't the one DC decided to bring out of the closet. I mean, come on. Fabulously wealthy, perpetual bachelor, has a 'ward', has a cave full of leather outfits he likes to wear at night?

      1. elviouslyqueer

        And don't forget that the Joker declared his love for him in The Dark Knight Returns. FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.

    2. SorosBot

      Wrong Green Lantern though; that was Hal Jordan, the Silver Age GL, who probably along with Jon Stewart is the most well-known of the Green Lanterns; this is Alan Scott, the original Golden Age GL.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Soros, let me be the first to say that's sooooo brave of you to come out as a Green Lantern nerd. And I will love you just as much as before, no matter what.

        1. SorosBot

          Nah, I've always been more of a Marvel fan. Still know the basics on DC though of course.

  2. Baconzgood

    "Vacation Bible School!”

    That sounds about as much fun as going on vacation to work at a Pizza Hut. Who the hell would want to do that?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Being raised in an atheist household, I was never forced to participate in this kind of shit, and I always felt great sympathy for my friends that were. Compassion, see, just like the Bible teaches.

      1. proudgrampa

        Oh, Baldar. You missed out on so much. Vacation Bible School was the epitome of the "religious experience."

        It sucked. Big Time.

          1. proudgrampa

            Oh. A fellow recovering Baptist. Southern or American?

            It's a wonder we survived that.

          2. Jus_Wonderin

            Southern. The worst kind, right? Yeah, I am a backslider from as far back at 1973.

          3. proudgrampa

            Like I said. It's a wonder that we have survived that experience with our psyches intact.

          4. anniegetyerfun

            We're glad to have you here! Wonkette only takes the worst kind of anything.

        1. cheetojeebus

          Oh yeah, when the highlight of the day is a fucking snocone and story time includes a crazy "missionary" screaming that you will all burn in hell. Staying at home and watching endless daytime tv would be nirvana.

          1. proudgrampa

            Yup. In my early teens. I finally got tired of those assholes screaming at me that I was going to burn in hell.

            There has got to be something better than guilt to help you find a purpose in life.

    2. OkieDokieDog

      I spent many a summer at the Baptist vacation bible school pasting cotton balls on lambs (not real ones, which probably would have been way more fun). Then we'd sing Onward Christian Soldiers The highlight of the day was cookies & Koolaid.

        1. sullivanst

          Brownies?!! What sort of Presbyterians allow such sinful pleasures of the flesh as dessert?

          1. elviouslyqueer

            Oh please, this was Louisiana, where every blessing started with "Praise the Lord and pass the etouffee."

    3. Lizzietish81

      Weird, cause I remember Bible School happening in the actual summer when school stopped.

      Course I was in Liberal Hippy Methodist Bible School, and they didn't want to interfere with our public education.

    4. Beowoof

      I remember VBS, or as I like to think of it, Vacation Bible Torture. And we used to get out of school and go to religious education conducted by the church every week. That sucked too.

    5. Ramon X

      It's been a very long time ago… But the only thing I remember about VBS was that there were girls. Maybe I didn't do it right?

    6. Chet Kincaid

      Trust me, nobody. Between that and Bible Camp, where you spend morning and evening on religious claptrap with humiliations in the woods in the afternoon, summer is pretty much fundie-fucked.

    7. Jimmyone

      I lost my virginity to the Pastor's 16 year old daughter at VBS. I didn't know what a blow job was at the time……. I couldn't concentrate on the Bible part for the rest of the week. I spent the rest of my life in the pursuit of THE Blow Job. Is that covered in the Bible?

  3. Sassomatic

    Where is this million-mom camp? Sodexho would very much like to get its hands on that food service contract.

    1. scvirginia

      Even with multiple personality disorder, there's only so much that one mom can eat…

  4. PuckStopsHere

    They are busy watching the Stanley Cup playoffs. Wait…not plausible. Nobody is watching the Stanley Cup playoffs.

    1. fartknocker

      Watch it Puck. You're entering into Barb's area of interest. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (which I learned in Vacation Bible School).

  5. Fairtackle

    One Million

    This is what counting looks like when educated in the LA school system.

  6. Not_So_Much

    OMM clearly doesn't understand 'winning' or 'math'. 47 cranky religionbots ≠ one million.

  7. Chichikovovich

    What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM’s Facebook page?

    They've all been raptured?

    (Please, please, pleeeeeeese, let it be that.)

  8. veritass

    OMM will be offline most of next week while we attend a math class to learn what the number "one million" means!

    1. Generation[redacted]

      They must have learned math in one of those for-profit private religious schools in Louisiana.

      1. FNMA

        One-hundred-and-twenty percent of Fox News viewers agree with that. Forty percent were undecided.

  9. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    What is this country coming to when a hate group can't even have a facebook page? When will the anti-anti-gay bullying finally stop?

  10. edgydrifter

    Life must be pretty sweet when the thing that keeps you awake at night is anxiety about where a second-tier comic book character parks his fictional tackle.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Isn't it canon that there are at least a billion Green Lanterns at any one time? How does the presence of a single gay one destroy the lives of families everywhere?

  11. ProgressiveInga

    Can't wait for Robin to come out and gay-marry Green Lantern and they have a gayby. Then Heather will have Two Super-Daddies.

  12. SorosBot

    No one tell them that Marvel has had many openly gay characters for quite some time, generally without making a big deal over it, and had the first male-male kiss in mainstream comics between Shatterstar and Rictor in X-Factor quite a few years ago.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      I was going to mention Apollo and the Midnighter have been gay since the 1990s, but DC only acquired them when they bought Wildstorm a few years ago.

  13. Rotundo_

    Jesus yawned. And then scratched his balls, got a beer and sat down to watch the game and fall asleep-again.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    OMM is actually preparing for their big relaunch with a new name — Fifty Creepy Men and Their Beards.

  15. Generation[redacted]

    …Facebook, certainly the initiative’s most valuable social media platform.

    Oooooo… Burn!

  16. Goonemeritus

    The real storey is not the Green Lantern is gay in an Alternate Universe, the real storey is North Star is getting gay married 6/20/12 in our Universe. Sure all you can rejoice at this acceptance of an alternative life styles if you want but the day I accept a French Canadian Hero is the day I die.

  17. BaldarTFlagass

    “OMM will be offline most of next week for Vacation Bible School!”

    Just kidding. They're all waiting down at the newsstand to pick up the new issue of Green Lantern when it comes out (as it were).

  18. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    One million moms is not so much a description of their members as it is their total weight as a group. There's really like 147 members.

  19. UnholyMoses

    You forgot "Running Away Like A Bunch Of Pissy Middle School Girls Because Everyone Thinks We're Rucking Fetarded" as an option.

  20. BaldarTFlagass

    It's really too bad DC didn't out the Green Lantern a year ago, maybe the movie would have done better at the box office, at least among the gay population… You know, Brokeback Lantern.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I, for one, only see movies that have sheep in them. And I will pay more for sheep.

  21. UnholyMoses

    What, you mean most groups don't entirely delete their pages when taking a break, choosing instead to leave them up until they return?


  22. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I propose we start our own organization. One Million Skullf*ckers. (OMSF for short) Our version of "camp" will be way more exciting than their's.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Hell, the Nazi's version of "summer camp" was probably more exciting than theirs will be.

      (What? Is it still too soon … ?)

  23. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    When do we get to learn the results of these surveys? Or are they collecting data to do a study on the opinions of sexual deviants?

  24. sewollef

    Has anyone ever counted them?

    I mean, are there actually one million mothers who are crazy as fucking hell? Wow.

    1. SorosBot

      I think it's really "A dozen or so moms", but like the old "moral majority" they assume the majority of other moms are as backwards and hate-filled as them and silently agree. And they are wrong.

  25. BaldarTFlagass

    They took down their Facebook page because they're moving to the more relevant social media platform, MySpace. They'll probably keep their AOL email addresses, though.

  26. BarackMyWorld

    But purists and fans note: This Green Lantern is not the emerald galactic space cop Hal Jordan who was, and is, part of the Justice League and has had a history rich in triumph and tragedy. Instead, he's a parallel earth Green Lantern. James Robinson, who writes the new series, said Alan Scott is the retooled version of the classic Lantern whose first appearance came in the pages of "All-American Comics" No. 16 in July 1940…..DC comics has other gay characters, too, including Kate Kane, the current Batwoman, The Question, and married characters Apollo and the Midnighter.

    Yeah, come on, folks, it's just Alan Scott.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "came in the pages of "All-American Comics"

      Hence their being all stuck together.

      And dude, 1940? He's gotta be all old and wrinkly, right?

        1. BaldarTFlagass

          OK. I guess since I stopped reading comics for the most part at about the same time I got my first car and girlfriend, around 35 years ago, I'll stop trying to pretend I'm up to date.

    2. BarackMyWorld

      DC's got a bajillion Green Lanterns. If Hal Jordan came out of the closet, people might have a reason to care.

    3. SorosBot

      Having Apollo and Midnighter in the main DC universe after the reboot is strange, because they're obvious analogues to Superman and Batman, except they're a couple and are willing to kill. As part of the Wildstorm universe they worked well; but now they're in the same world as the real Clark and Bruce and that's somewhat odd.

        1. SorosBot

          The reboot, especially, is stupid. Let's embrace the worst excesses of the 90s and make everything super grim, gritty and ultra-violent!

          1. BarackMyWorld

            And with costumes designed by 90s icon Jim Lee!
            Body armor and v-shaped collars for everyone!

  27. mavenmaven

    Does anyone else have an issue with the fact that they made Green Lantern's lover a short Asian man, which sort of perpetuates a different unpleasant stereotype?
    and here's today's relevant hetero challenge (you know you will send this link to all your friends):

    1. Generation[redacted]

      So I wasn't the only one fantasizing about being the ground crew for her invisible jet? (a little to the right, now forward, there right there)

  28. Callyson

    What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM's Facebook page?

    Moose hunting camp

    Women's Christian Temperance Union meeting

    The rapture

  29. prommie

    I send Prommie Junior to a church camp. Its a Quaker camp, I call it, variously, Hippiecampus, or Camp Bongwaters. At drop-off and pick-up, every vehicle is a Volvo, and there are Birkenstocks everywhere. Peasant dresses and unshaved legs! I am surrounded by every liberal college professor stereotype in existence. They have turned him into a pacifist agnostic. Its great! I think the kids are all sexing each other, he's 12 now, jeebus, what the fuck, he should get to 13 at least, before delving into all that shit, shouldn't he? Fucking kids make you old.

      1. mavenmaven

        That's the one that used to have a gay republican sarah palin birth conspiracy columnist, no?

  30. owhatever

    Dear Diary:
    Day One — So happy to be at Bible Camp. Everyone is so friendly. Pastor Bill plays the most beautiful guitar to accompany the hymns.
    Day Two — A million moms and ten portapotties.Thank you Jesus for building this majestic forest.
    Day Three — Okay, which one of you bitches stole my eye-liner?
    Day Four — Enough of the religion crap all day long. Caroline may a whore, but she brews some mean meth.
    Day Five — Snuck into the counselor's tent last night and got drunk with Pastor Bill, after Jennifer said he was really hung. She was right.
    Day Six — Skinny dip and orgy following evening services, and we all swear on bible not to tell.
    Day Seven — Home to the hubby and my four darling children in time for church. Bill tweets during hymn 148 that he may have crabs.

  31. Chick-Fil-Atheist™


    deit: Editrix, where do we go to see our vote results in these delicious polls?

  32. keinsignal

    Oh good, the poll allows multiple answers. I picked the last three, I think they make a rather compelling story put together…

  33. anniegetyerfun

    I am beginning to suspect that One Million Moms is actually a brilliant piece of guerilla marketing by an agency hired to promote the liberal agenda. Literally anything these broads bitch about is immediately a cpmplete success.

  34. ChessieNefercat

    "1. What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM's Facebook page?"

    I looked for OMM with "feminine itch", but didn't see it.

  35. ttommyunger

    "What would have been a better excuse for tearing down OMM's Facebook page?" Probably not the oral sex, I'm guessing.

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