METH IS A HELL OF A DRUG  10:47 am June 5, 2012

What Should Bristol Palin Name Her New Dog?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

mehIt looks as if St. Bristol Palin, Virgin Queen of Wasilla, might have finally fired her ghost-blogger, as all her new blog posts are one sentence long and stupid. For instance, this thing above!

Put on your thinking caps, Wonkers, there is work to be done! What should Bristol Palin name her new dog?

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{ 302 comments }

Barb June 5, 2012 at 10:48 am

If she has another baby she should name him, "Target" Everyone had a shot at it.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:07 am

All You Can Eat

Lascauxcaveman June 5, 2012 at 11:27 am

It would be weird to name your dog same as your vay-jay.

Beowoof June 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

The lucky shot was shooting blanks.

PuckStopsHere June 5, 2012 at 12:55 pm

They were SURVEYORS MARKS, Barb. Surveyors marks. OT–Did you get the prom pic I sent?

LionHeartSoyDog June 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Surveyor's marks?
Is that what the kid's are calling a "landing strip" these days?

proudgrampa June 5, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Is that with the French pronunciation?

thatsitfortheother1 June 6, 2012 at 3:21 am

Jiffy. Spreads so easy.

veritass June 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

Unlucky

memzilla June 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

I vote for the puppy name "Mooch" (the Pooch).

Barb June 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

He's big and black and probably not going to come when called repeatedly. Name him Glenn Rice.

Chill_Bill June 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

Damn it, Barb. You beat me to it (again).

Rotundo_ June 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

Comment of the day candidate here. She's going to love life with an animal that poops bigger than she does (or so I think? then again maybe not…) that *she* has to pick up after. The urine stains should be of biblical proportions as well.

Lascauxcaveman June 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

Yeah, Newfies are great dogs if you live on 100 acres and never let the thing come inside the house. Or if you don't mind giving a 150-lb fur-beast a good bath twice a week.

NorthStarSpanx June 5, 2012 at 11:41 am

Well that's the beauty of their huge family network. Sarah's sibs get to take care of their whims – be it children, pets or people of questionable standing shooting for political office or appointments.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Oh! THOSE guys! The ones that look like all-black Saint Bernards with glossy fur. They're beautiful!
…but they are huge, though.

Barb June 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Thanks, Rotundo_.

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

I like Methpipe, but I think only one-syllable names are used in Alaska. Perhaps just Meth?

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

But when she starts calling out for Meth, all the other Alaskans will rush to her.

Beowoof June 5, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Methpipe was my vote. But only because it would confuse Brisdull to name the dog shit head, who are you talking to the dog, my mom or me.

Goonemeritus June 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Innocent victim

Infrogmation June 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

"Collateral Damage"

JustPixelz June 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

Which one is the dog in the pic?

Naked_Bunny June 5, 2012 at 11:05 am

All of them, Katie.

noodlesalad June 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

MacGrifter, like the crime dog, but instead of criminals he chases spotlights and playgirl models.

Infrogmation June 5, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Good. I'd been thinking of "Li'l Grifty".

Though "Three Degrees of Irrelevancy" would work too. ("3rd Degree" for short.)

WunkRocker June 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

Blah Dog.

__kth__ June 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Spent my money, took my car
Started tellin all her friends she gon be a star

I don't know but I've been told
Big-legged woman ain't got no soul

tbogg June 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

Personally I would have liked to been there when she called her mom and said she had a new addition to the family AND HE'S BLACK! Hilarious hijinks and cleaning up of lady poop to follow.

Estproph June 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

Additional 15 Minutes Of Fame

mavenmaven June 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

With this type of syntax and subject matter, is she looking for a career at Time Magazine?

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Since Time Magazine is basically limited to:
1. "Back to the Kitchen, Bitch: The Scientific Reasons why Gender Stereotypes are Necessary and Good"
2. "Why did Jesus have to die? It was the Jews, Timmy"
and
3. "Something something world war 2"
Brisdull may actually meet their standards.

Barb June 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

Weego! Name him Weego. Please, train that dog to fetch wine coolers and condoms. Here Weego!

Generation[redacted] June 5, 2012 at 1:05 pm

How can she train a dog to fetch condoms when she can't even do it herself?

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Someone's watched too many Bud Lite commercials

prommie June 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

Jiggerboo. In honor of the blah of it.

Goonemeritus June 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

Probably just a “Trial Puppy” anyway why name it yet.

NorthStarSpanx June 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

Dinty Moore, that's all any of them eat in the Palin households anyway.

Moose Casserole is only for the Today Show.

LionHeartSoyDog June 5, 2012 at 7:08 pm

Yet? Short for Yeti Palin?

MosesInvests June 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

She should name the dog "Methlab", obviously.

fartknocker June 5, 2012 at 10:53 am

FIDO, a.k.a, Fucking Idiot Dog Owner.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 11:18 am

Almost makes me want to listen to The Hives

Trannysurprise June 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

She should name him "Shut My Gaping Hole." Just as a daily moral reminder.

chicken_thief June 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

Gaping hole = va-jay-jay or mouth? Butt? All of them, Katie?!

prommie June 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

I assume that the last choice is pronounced "Shuh-teed?"

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:14 am

Life-saver.

bagofmice June 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

Bartle and/or James?

prommie June 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

Age is showing!

LocalGirlMakesGoo June 5, 2012 at 2:03 pm

ZIMA LIBEL!!!!

AddHomonym June 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

Walnuts, obvs.

metamarcisf June 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

I vote for Alprazolam

Aridzona June 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Obama of course.

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Shuck n' Jibe.

JustPixelz June 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Mitt named his dog "Cargo". What's wrong with that?

Most of the names in your wonkette survey are already Palin family nicknames. Won't that be confusing at Thanksgiving? "I wasn't talking to you Shithead, I was talking to my husband."

That guy in the picture. There's something about him. Is his name Marcus?

DemmeFatale June 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

They're saving "Cargo" for the next baby.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

seven or eight months from now

Jerri June 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

"Secret Fantasy," obviously.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

Poor dog; won't be too long before she quits taking care of him.

Joshua Norton June 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

Big black Newfoundland? Funny, in that picture he looks blond and white.

Wait…

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

What does she call that fucking hairdo?

MosesInvests June 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

The "Pebbles".

JustPixelz June 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

Yes, that is what she calls it.

elviouslyqueer June 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

The Cumover.

Dildeaux June 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

Winner^^^

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

And like that giant fake new chin of hers, she probably doesn't realize it looks hideous.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

It's not for looks, it's for comfort. The concrete under the football stadium isn't soft, you know!

FlownOver June 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

It gets her more appearances on The Tonight Show.

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 11:14 am

Maybe I haven't had enough coffee this morning but I think she looks kinda cute in that picture. Almost like a casual, normal 22ish? year old.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 11:24 am

It's the new chin and nose that make her look weird; before the plastic surgery she looked normal, but now she looks like she's trying to look like a Cardassian.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

KHLOE LIBE–

Oh, wait.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:20 pm

What th–??
Her nose is fake, too?
She PAID for that nose?
Please tell me that she didn't pay for that nose.

LionHeartSoyDog June 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm

The kids look okay in the foto.
But if they asked me to buy them beer outside the 7-11, i'd have to politely decline.

KarenJ503 June 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Sister Willow, who sported a similar 'do in February, probably did Bristol's new look:
http://tinyurl.com/d8vs89d

Willow is said to be attending "hair school" to learn how to sculpt coiffures like that.

Only in Wasilla, Alaska…

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Now now, in fairness, when you're humping on the back of a moving snowmobile, you don't want your hair getting tangled in the halftrack

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

Pentecostal. You can take the baby out of the Jesus, but you can't take the Jesus out of the baby. Or something.

Native_of_SL_UT June 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

Oh, That's a hairdo? I thought that was the dog they were talking about.
OK, I see the dog on their lap now.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I noticed that too! Seriously what the hell was she think–… Oh, right.
*snicker*
[to self] "Thinking"! I kill me!

scvirginia June 5, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I thought all Palin females had PHD's (pentecostal hair-do's)… am I wrong?

CrunchyKnee June 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

Name it – "I'll be dead within 6 months" and be done with it.

Lascauxcaveman June 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

You never know, they may find a No-Kill animal shelter to dump it on. But it'll be more like 4 months; those Newfies grow pretty fast.

NorthStarSpanx June 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

Yeah, come to think of it, where did their opportunity dogs ACES and AGIA go since those two landmark pieces of superficial Palin legislation got McCain's attention?

Beetagger June 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

For fuck's sake, why doesn't she just start a new reality show where the goal is to name the dog. Christ, she's got a lot to learn. Also, Mittens.

dijetlo June 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

" Fucking Dog"
The first time he craps on her carpet, that's what she's going to call him and when training animals, it's all about consistency.

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

Bristol is an idiot. Everyone know you can't have a methlab in a gray plastic tub. It will melt everywhere and then you'll never get your trailer rental deposit back.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

It's a black dog? Name should rhyme with Tigger.

Sassomatic June 5, 2012 at 11:34 am

Digger?

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Don't you think it would be awfully confusing if she named it Tr1gger?

FlownOver June 5, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Hey! No F'in fair! Whenever I type that word (the one just before the question mark) I get commenter-excommunicated instantaneously!

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm

*as inspector Clouseau*
Upon closer in-spec-zi-one, you weel notice zat ze name, she eez spell weeth a nombair "one", not a lettair "I".

Halloween Jack June 11, 2012 at 11:37 am

Wigger!

Mumbletypeg June 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

Bristol posted this, FYI, after her boo-friend reminded her that "I'll Have Another" was already taken sort of used up.

ManchuCandidate June 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

Broken Condom

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:10 am

Ah, a First Nations name. Good choice.

FlownOver June 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Monitor + coffee spew! You owe me, Actor!

M. Szyslak June 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

Alcohol Fueled Date Rape is too long I suppose.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I thought that was her kid.

EatsBabyDingos June 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

Otto. Only one true way to know if a woman loves you…If she'll have your dog.

commiegirl June 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Guess how many pairs of shoes I got? Guess how many ties? Shit, I don't know myself.

johnnyzhivago June 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

When she's sick of it, she can call it Dinner!

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

What's the point of taking those surveys if we can't see the results?

Joey_Blau June 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

yeah! storm the castle! kill them all! we want results!

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

We'll get the results around the same time we get to see those Romney app pics from last week. :(

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 4:06 am

You know what happens when you publish pics with survey marks on them.

Barb June 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

Name him "W.C. Fields" He won't work with animals or children and if it weren't for animals and children, Bristol would be working at The Waffle House and not getting her own *cough* reality TV show.

el_donaldo June 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

Sambo.

When I was young my parents had a black cockerpoo named Sambo. I die a little inside when I remember it.

scvirginia June 5, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Cockerpoo? I should think so!

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 3:43 pm

In the days when I was too young to think about such things, I had a copy of that storybook, and I just loved it, because: a) Sambo had a red jacket, blue trousers, and purple shoes. PURPLE SHOES! b) pancakes for breakfast.

Studebaker Hawk June 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

Bristol Jr.

Poindexter718 June 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

If she has any sense of familial irony, something plain like "Jim," or "Bill," or "Mike."

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

The Palins think irony is like goldy and bronzey.

hippie13 June 6, 2012 at 9:11 am

Sarah…you don't get more butch than that

Billmatic June 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

Is her boyfriend in a Backstreet Boys cover band or what the shit

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

Nah, you know who that is? That's that post-adolescent actor that's always the first killed in every slasher flic you've ever seen. You know, he's a douche, but he's a dopey fun-loving douche and every girl gets upset he's dead because he makes them feel good about themselves when they reject his clumsy flirts.

hippie13 June 6, 2012 at 9:11 am

He seems a bit hetero challenged…are they going to bring in the bachmann clan and butch him up?

mookwrthwilson June 5, 2012 at 11:02 am

Which one's the dog?

HempDogbane June 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

Shep

DaSandman June 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

Strange Taste

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

Maybe she could call it "STFU Faggot." Though I don't know how you'd verbalize "STFU." Stafoo? Sutfuh?

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:15 am

I always thought it was "stuff u"

Lascauxcaveman June 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

I believe the correct pronunciation is "shut the fuck up." I'm having trouble locating it in my OED, however.

hippie13 June 6, 2012 at 9:09 am

Steve-O

Joshua Norton June 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

"Hey You, Shithead, Stop That" has a nice ring to it. And probably what it will be called more than any name it's given.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

"The Thing We're TOTALLY Into This Week"?

"Shelter-Bound"?

"Passing Fancy"?

"Cute Now, But We'll Eventually Get Bored Of It. Hey, Do We Still Have That Kid, Now That You Mention It?"

Or maybe the name I originally gave to my first betta fish: "Disposable Pet" (later changed it to "Flushy," and then the silly thing lived nearly two years)

hippie13 June 6, 2012 at 9:08 am

The power of Irony.

SexySmurf June 5, 2012 at 11:05 am

If the dog was female I'd name it Sarah.

bflrtsplk June 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

Beat me to it.

Boojum June 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

Roofie. It will explain her next child.

George Skullfry June 5, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Damn you.

It also allows "Roofie the Newfie".

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:07 am

I was really hoping "Hopey Changey" would be a choice

GuyClinch June 5, 2012 at 11:08 am

"Professor", since the drooling beast is an intellectual superior

James Michael Curley June 5, 2012 at 11:08 am

Never, never wear plaid with camo!
Brig. Gen James Michael Curley, Ret.

MoeDeLawn June 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

thanks for your service.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

I wonder why that guy's collar isn't popped.

niblick77 June 5, 2012 at 11:10 am

Levi?

elviouslyqueer June 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

I'm thinking "Shelter Bound." Poor thing, it really doesn't stand a chance with this cunty famewhore.

Oh, and is Brisket aware that her boyfriend is gayer than Elton John's boyfriend's cock ring? Is all I'm asking.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

I think I saw him in a Tom of Finland film. "Third Fluffer in the Turkish Bath" was the credit, I believe.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

Hell, HE probably doesn't even know he's gay.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

Client of Marcus?

MissTaken June 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

The plaid flannel with camo cargo shorts does scream "I'm trying really, really hard to be straight! Really hard!".

James Michael Curley June 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

Sir Elton and Prince Philip have both been hospitalized this last week.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm

And when they pumped their stomachs in the Emergency Room…
Oh, no, wait. That was Rod Stewart.

Crank_Tango June 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

Since he apparently hasn't gotten her pregnant yet, probably.

SorosBot June 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

But Michele Bachmann told her he's great husband material!

Chill_Bill June 5, 2012 at 11:27 am

He certainly fits the gay stereotype by hanging out with a fat chick.

chicken_thief June 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

He does seem to be enjoying the dry humping that Fido is giving him. Or he's giving Fido. Whatevs.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Do you like…
gladiator movies…
Gino?

Tyroanee June 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

“Pimp Daddy”… after all Tripp was named after, it’s only fitting.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

Tri–

no, that's already been used.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:42 am

They could pronounce it "Tri-zhair"

owhatever June 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

And here I was thinking that being owned by Mitt Romney was the worst thing that could happen to a dog. Name — something super manly: Nailin'

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 5, 2012 at 11:14 am

Where the fuck are his legs?!

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

Excuse me while I go hug my big red pound rescue and apologize for everything her previous redneck owners did to her.

UnholyMoses June 5, 2012 at 11:53 am

Our recently acquired Pembroke Corgi (our third dog, named Kei, who had about a thousand flea bites due to previous neglect) will be getting some extra belly rubs tonight.

Well, okay — so will the other two. (Turns out that dogs can, in fact, be jealous.)

DemmeFatale June 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Yeah, I have three.
Everyone, (including Mr. Fatale), thinks I'm a crazy dog-lady, but those rescuers (bless them), are truly hard-core.

UnholyMoses June 5, 2012 at 12:28 pm

We considered fostering, but would get too attached to all of 'em and … well, that's a lot of poop to scoop.

Gmac94 June 5, 2012 at 11:16 am

Updo.

Chet Kincaid June 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

Seagrams Golden Wine Palin.

smitallica June 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

Whogivesafuck?

Eve8Apples June 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

She better not let it run around the yard or her mom may shoot it from a helicopter.

I'd name it "16 Minutes" because her 15 Minutes are over.

Jeri 2.0 June 5, 2012 at 11:21 am

Calculus? No, I'm sure she's never heard that word. Spore Trail? No, too elite. Fuck it, just let me say I think their living room is FABULOUS! A little sparse, but as soon as they get a few more storage totes and some more art work (I bet that's the 2nd amendment written out in script there behind Brisket) it will be dreamy.

DemmeFatale June 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Yes, who knew a basement could be so chic?

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"Calculus? No, I'm sure she's never heard that word."

Hell, I don't think she can count to 28, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"as soon as they get a few more storage totes and some more art work"

I know where they can pick up a really cheesy painting of a Nordic knight.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

She should call that dog Enovid.

TootsStansbury June 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

Who the fuck cares? The country is going to shit; roaming starving hordes are going to end up eating it anyway.

Geminisunmars June 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

I always come to the Wonkettes for my morning pep talk. Thanks.

FlyOverGirl June 5, 2012 at 11:23 am

Burrito.

She does know that guy is gay, right?

Exhausted66 June 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

I was thinking the exact same thing. This may be a looonng trial marriage.

FlyOverGirl June 5, 2012 at 1:55 pm

He'll enjoy his guest spot on Glee.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That's one way of remaining technically abstinent.

Billmatic June 5, 2012 at 11:24 am

Glen Rice.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 11:25 am

I named my labrador Paxil because the lovable doofus was the most effective antidepressant I'd ever met. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but perhaps they should call this pup Adderall?

Not_So_Much June 5, 2012 at 11:26 am

Chin implant, Chinplant? Too chinese-y?

Cankle Biter?

Guppy June 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

Black and Canadian? And welcome in her home?

Also, to repeat what others have said: gayface.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:31 am

"St. Bristol Palin, Virgin Queen of Wasilla, might have finally fired her ghost-blogger"

Fired? Nah, the paychecks probably just kept bouncing.

bflrtsplk June 5, 2012 at 11:31 am

Aren`t they just the cutest couple? The boyfriend and the dog I mean.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:34 am

As an aside, I really love what she's done with the apartment.

Halloween Jack June 11, 2012 at 11:38 am

Didn't she buy a house in Arizona two years ago or something?

GeneralLerong June 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

I refuse to read this foolishness.

Oh, wait. Fuck.

neiltheblaze June 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

"Ratbag"

CountryClubJihadi June 5, 2012 at 11:39 am

MacMeth, Abstinence or The Trash Whisperer.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

Call him Heartworm or Intestinal Parasites, because that's what he'll no doubt have soon.

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"The Palin Hookworm Conjecture" is a good dog name. Or band name.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Yes, but enough about the boyfriend.
*drumroll*

Gunner Asch June 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

Trepan

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

She could name him "My-mommy-cost-her-mommy-the-VicePresidency-because-everyone-wondered-how-family-values-came-into-play-if-she's-a-pregnant-slut"

Or, you know, Fido. That works

hagajim June 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

Either poor bastard or Fi DOH!

A_D June 5, 2012 at 11:46 am

What is it with Palin women and gigantic hair?

M. Szyslak June 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

.357 or .223 or suppin' ammo related.

Dildeaux June 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

Call him "LB" cause he's headed to the Pound in about a week.

Pragmatist2 June 5, 2012 at 11:48 am

Sweetheart?

Pragmatist2 June 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

Hold it! He IS Black AND a foreigner – so "Barack".

An_Outhouse June 5, 2012 at 11:50 am

The dude in that picture doesn't look black.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:35 pm

One of them does.

UnholyMoses June 5, 2012 at 11:51 am

That guy looks like he should be in a Kids in the Hall sketch.

The dog's name: LaClifford, the Big Blah Dog.

UnholyMoses June 5, 2012 at 11:56 am

Screw the dog's name. What they really need is an interior decorator.

sullivanst June 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm

What they really need is to get off mah fuckin' computer screen.

iburl June 5, 2012 at 11:59 am

Most people name their kids things like "Heather" and "Jason" and their pets "Spot" and "Whiskers".

The Palins name their kids "Tripp" and "Bristol" so it logically follows that the pets should be named things like "Xgllhgyert" and "Skroputyheheh".

gurukalehuru June 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I literally literally Elled O L at Skroputyheheh.

MosesInvests June 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I'm crying laughing at that-thanks!

GorzoTheMighty June 5, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Distemper? Must look to the future.

SayItWithWookies June 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I hope it follows her everywhere and she loves it. With that in mind, she ought to call it Tramp Stamp.

Maman June 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm

The Palin's seem to name their children with names more appropriate for pets, so I guess I would suggest Jimmy.

Jerri June 5, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Trippp.

vtxmcrider June 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

He's a big black Newfoundland? I am not convinced. The dude looks plenty white to me. And how do we know where he is from without the birf certificate?

VespulaMaculata June 5, 2012 at 12:04 pm

I forget already about the new boyfriend…? She's shackin' up with him but not fuckin' him, or fuckin' him but not shackin' up with him?

DemmeFatale June 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I'll bet he's REALLY comfy with a "no shagging" (girls) policy.

Joey_Blau June 5, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Big Blackie!

Mr. Black!

Goofy

"something that when she calls out the dog's name makes you think she is having sex with a black man"

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Mandingo?

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

"Goofy"

Nah. Then when someone quite correctly observes that everyone in that family is fuckin' goofy, it would sound like cruelty to animals.

MosesInvests June 5, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Oh Sweet Mystery of Life at Last I Found Thee?

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Hmm…
It should probably be something that fits in with the rest of that family, but "Welfare Recipient" is really more of a *cat* name, don't'cha think?

HobbesEvilTwin June 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

/snark off She should do the poor thing a favor and just call the Humane Society so they can come take the dog away now, before it has to suffer any more.

PubOption June 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Well if she's got a kid called Trip, she should call the dog Fall. She might then get a job doing ads for a shyster law firm.

Jus_Wonderin June 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Where is that fucker's birf certificate?

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Hey, we could at least figure out who the dog's father is.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm

So, is the dog going to pull the sled, or does Sarah need a new coat?

Doktor StrangeZoom June 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Publicity Hound?

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I think we have a winner.

vtxmcrider June 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm

She will name him Pecker. She got him because her boyfriend has a tiny p-ness.

Millennial Malaise June 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Sarah actually bought the dog a few months ago, but when she had to make a few last minute campaign stops, Bristol adopted it.

BarackMyWorld June 5, 2012 at 12:13 pm

SINCE WHEN DOES A PALIN NEED HELPING NAMING SOMETHING?

(Besides the newspapers she eads, of course.)

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:15 pm

If she named it You, everybody could just call it by saying, "Hey, You!".

mavenmaven June 5, 2012 at 12:15 pm

If it was genetically defective they could call it Dogg and campaign with it.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:46 pm

And if it turns out to be too much trouble to keep, they can make a trip with many, many unscheduled stops in the middle of nowhere, in the hopes of just sort of "accidentally" losing it.

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Scrofula

chicken_thief June 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I'd go for "Tre" since this is the third young'un she will be raising.

mormos June 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

how about, "most competent member of the household?"

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Given the size that those things grow to, I hope she puts more effort into raising it than her [snicker!] parents put into raising their kids — or that she put into preventing her little oops, for that matter — but I know which way I'd bet.

Blueb4sunrise June 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I got nuth…….uh….
Blew?

Eve8Apples June 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I just hope they all get neutered and spayed as soon as possible. We don't need any more Palin pregnancies.

BaldarTFlagass June 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

OK, time for a new post. I mean, I'm at work, shouldn't the Wonkette staff be at work also?

Eve8Apples June 5, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Maybe they're at the liquor store stocking up on office supplies to blog the Wisconsin election results later tonight.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 5, 2012 at 12:26 pm

What is it with these white celebrities adopting foreign black babies?

John Birf Society June 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I thought Amy Winehouse was dead. She is apparently in Hell.

OneDollarJuana June 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

"Doggy-Style"

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Not for nothing, Editrix, but she's settled on three choices. Obviously, she was told about our snarking and wanted to head it off at the pass
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/bristolpalin/2012/06

"Patheos"…heh heh

elviouslyqueer June 5, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Honestly, that twatwaffle's blog is like an unflushable turd in the toilet bowl of life.

Rotundo_ June 5, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Sorta like the feather in "Forrest Gump" only floating away in the bowl after flush 17….

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I love how she makes a point of saying, "No, we *aren't* living together", in the article; just as if she hadn't already had at least one and possibly two bastard babbys and her chastity were still an issue. Barn door, meet horse.

AlaskaGrrl June 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm

How about "Shameless"? Pretty much sums up the whole Palin clan.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

"I was in the kitchen; Shameless (that's the dog) was outside…"

One of my favorite Pink Floyd songs EVAR!:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DX7I92SJeM

PS. The actual dog in the actual song is named Seamus.

Generation[redacted] June 5, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Widely regarded as the second worst Pink Floyd song ever, just after "Take Up Thy Stethascope and Walk."

Oh, and Seamus sang on the studio album, but not the live version. Probably Roger fired him.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Meh [shrug] I like old blues. "Seamus" sounds like an old blues song. Therefore, I like "Seamus".

"Seamus sang on the studio album, but not the live version. Probably Roger fired him."
And then claimed that *he* was a dog and the song was actually written about him.

CommieLibunatic June 5, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Because she apparently has good taste in dogs (broken clocks being right twice a day and such) and I don't want to slight a poor creature who is already unfortunate enough to live with a Palin, I non-sarcastically recommend Nanuk or Aklark, Canadian Inuit for "polar bear" and "brown bear" respectively.

Here's to hoping the poor thing doesn't get shot.

anniegetyerfun June 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Moose Chili.

Fairtackle June 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

The Decorator

johnnyzhivago June 5, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Bristol needs a kitten: http://www.kittenkam.com

Generation[redacted] June 5, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I think she'd have more fun with Orville the Catcopter

Hedley_Lamarr June 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Bark Obama

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

WIN!!

Except that it reminds me of that awful "joke".

m3diajun4 June 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Preferably, a name Bristol can pronounce.

I suggest, "Moo".

magpie June 5, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Lewis & Clark had a Newfoundland ad I believe it's name applies well here: "Seaman"

BTWBFDIMHO June 5, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Grifter?

chascates June 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I find "SHUT THE FUCK UP" is a pretty good name for most dogs.

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

How about Fuck Off? That's probably the only way the poor thing will ever be addressed anyway.

rickmaci June 5, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Just give him the family name.

Grifter.

Terry June 5, 2012 at 1:14 pm

She needs two puppies, one named Bartles and the other named James.

Do they still make Bartles and James or am I dating myself? How about Canai wine?

CessnaDriver June 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Is "poor dog you're fucked" an option?

poorgradstudent June 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Too bad the dog isn't a lab. Then the name would be obvious: Methlab.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I wanted a black lab, but I couldn't afford one. Then I wanted a yellow lab, but I couldn't afford one. So I got a meth lab. Now I can afford any dog I want. — old joke

elburritodeluxe June 5, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Bristol and her live-in boyfriend have a nice place for a pair of uneducated high school grads starting out on their own. They are a couple of high achievers! Why can't all young people learn from their example?

gurukalehuru June 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Trogg. Trogg the dog.

crybabyboehner June 5, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Since he's black, she'll probably go with "Barack."

stncmchnc June 5, 2012 at 2:22 pm

This vettening needs moar O'Queefing. James, swab your poopdeck, grab your roofies and dildos, and fire up your sex boat. Oh shit, nevermind, this isn't Ghost of Breitbart. Bristol, who cares that you're trying to look like K Kar, but actually on the fast track to Joan Riverstown. It doesn't matter! Good luck with your show, and your abstinence works speeches, and Gawdspeed.

MadBrahms June 5, 2012 at 2:23 pm

"Big Black Newfoundland" was one of the CBC's less successful sitcom attempts, in spite of the "Little Mosque on the Prairie" lead-in.

divecomputer June 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

You can name him "sit" so that when you say
Come here sit…sounds ridiculous :D

CoatHanger June 5, 2012 at 2:38 pm

She should totally name it Chastity. You know, like, ironically.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Cher already tried that. It didn't go well.

TribecaMike June 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Where's the marriage certificate?

Karma_Suture June 5, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Trigger?

(on so many levels)

FlownOver June 5, 2012 at 3:28 pm

This guy(?)'s name is Gino? Please tell me his surname is "Vanilla."

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

"he revolutionized the conservative voice as brave, combative and ready to discuss."

Pfft.
Please.
If those asstards can even *spell* the word "discuss", they probably think it's a frisbee.

LiberalMantra June 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Blahssie.

tessiee June 5, 2012 at 3:51 pm

So, are we just sort of assuming that "Trailer Trash Hosebeast" is a little TOO on-the-nose?

bolognawallet June 5, 2012 at 3:58 pm

cuntface

TribecaMike June 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Five Finger Discount?

zedbot June 5, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Grifter.

KennyCB June 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm

SCHTUPPY

extreme_left June 5, 2012 at 5:23 pm

rpg

rocktonsam June 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Neglected or

Dead

in six moths

ChessieNefercat June 5, 2012 at 5:52 pm

She's done so well parenting human kidlets, why shouldn't she try another species? Where are you, ASPCA?

ttommyunger June 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm

BIG RED…..Heh, heh……think about it.

LakeLucilleLoon June 5, 2012 at 8:02 pm

"Lipstick"

ttommyunger June 5, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Eggzacle!

Isyaignert June 5, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Who's the dude?

TribecaMike June 5, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Either the boyfriend or the beard.

extreme_left June 5, 2012 at 7:24 pm

cunt muscle.. hail Ari

LionHeartSoyDog June 5, 2012 at 7:28 pm

"Tripp, Trygg, Tank" ?
How about Taint?

Patrick June 5, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I think she should call him Kunta.

No wait! Toby!

freddymcmurray June 5, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Hockey mom?

LibertyLover June 5, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Barf

TribecaMike June 5, 2012 at 8:59 pm

My suggestion of "Five Finger Discount" has been "awaiting moderation" at Bristol's Blog for over 5 hours. I don't think she likes me.

Stevola June 6, 2012 at 1:20 am

Mom. Oh wait, it's male.
Aw, fuck it. Mom.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 4:04 am

"Target" would be perfect on so many levels, but I think "Glock" would probably appeal to Bristle.

DahBoner June 6, 2012 at 6:26 am

Downboy.

tweeksmom June 6, 2012 at 8:17 am

Name him "Baby Daddy"….

hippie13 June 6, 2012 at 9:08 am

Apparently bristol is confused by three letter words…BIG means large or full grown, she has a puppy which is SMALL. Do be fair she did get DOG correct.

Barb June 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

Thanks!

actor212 June 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Define "paid" please.

Generation[redacted] June 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm

If it makes you feel any better, her mom's political donors paid for it.

thatsitfortheother1 June 6, 2012 at 3:32 am

Too soon.

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