meth is a hell of a drug

What Should Bristol Palin Name Her New Dog?

mehIt looks as if St. Bristol Palin, Virgin Queen of Wasilla, might have finally fired her ghost-blogger, as all her new blog posts are one sentence long and stupid. For instance, this thing above!

Put on your thinking caps, Wonkers, there is work to be done! What should Bristol Palin name her new dog?

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

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  • Barb

    If she has another baby she should name him, "Target" Everyone had a shot at it.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      All You Can Eat

    • Lascauxcaveman

      It would be weird to name your dog same as your vay-jay.

    • Beowoof

      The lucky shot was shooting blanks.

    • PuckStopsHere

      They were SURVEYORS MARKS, Barb. Surveyors marks. OT–Did you get the prom pic I sent?

      • LionHeartSoyDog

        Surveyor's marks?
        Is that what the kid's are calling a "landing strip" these days?

    • proudgrampa

      Is that with the French pronunciation?

    • thatsitfortheother1

      Jiffy. Spreads so easy.

  • veritass

    Unlucky

  • memzilla

    I vote for the puppy name "Mooch" (the Pooch).

  • Barb

    He's big and black and probably not going to come when called repeatedly. Name him Glenn Rice.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

      Damn it, Barb. You beat me to it (again).

    • Rotundo_

      Comment of the day candidate here. She's going to love life with an animal that poops bigger than she does (or so I think? then again maybe not…) that *she* has to pick up after. The urine stains should be of biblical proportions as well.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        Yeah, Newfies are great dogs if you live on 100 acres and never let the thing come inside the house. Or if you don't mind giving a 150-lb fur-beast a good bath twice a week.

        • NorthStarSpanx

          Well that's the beauty of their huge family network. Sarah's sibs get to take care of their whims – be it children, pets or people of questionable standing shooting for political office or appointments.

        • tessiee

          Oh! THOSE guys! The ones that look like all-black Saint Bernards with glossy fur. They're beautiful!
          …but they are huge, though.

      • Barb

        Thanks, Rotundo_.

  • MissTaken

    I like Methpipe, but I think only one-syllable names are used in Alaska. Perhaps just Meth?

    • SorosBot

      But when she starts calling out for Meth, all the other Alaskans will rush to her.

    • Beowoof

      Methpipe was my vote. But only because it would confuse Brisdull to name the dog shit head, who are you talking to the dog, my mom or me.

  • Goonemeritus

    Innocent victim

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      "Collateral Damage"

  • JustPixelz

    Which one is the dog in the pic?

    • Naked_Bunny

      All of them, Katie.

  • noodlesalad

    MacGrifter, like the crime dog, but instead of criminals he chases spotlights and playgirl models.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      Good. I'd been thinking of "Li'l Grifty".

      Though "Three Degrees of Irrelevancy" would work too. ("3rd Degree" for short.)

  • WunkRocker

    Blah Dog.

    • __kth__

      Spent my money, took my car
      Started tellin all her friends she gon be a star

      I don't know but I've been told
      Big-legged woman ain't got no soul

  • tbogg

    Personally I would have liked to been there when she called her mom and said she had a new addition to the family AND HE'S BLACK! Hilarious hijinks and cleaning up of lady poop to follow.

  • Estproph

    Additional 15 Minutes Of Fame

  • mavenmaven

    With this type of syntax and subject matter, is she looking for a career at Time Magazine?

    • tessiee

      Since Time Magazine is basically limited to:
      1. "Back to the Kitchen, Bitch: The Scientific Reasons why Gender Stereotypes are Necessary and Good"
      2. "Why did Jesus have to die? It was the Jews, Timmy"
      and
      3. "Something something world war 2"
      Brisdull may actually meet their standards.

  • Barb

    Weego! Name him Weego. Please, train that dog to fetch wine coolers and condoms. Here Weego!

    • Generation[redacted]

      How can she train a dog to fetch condoms when she can't even do it herself?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Someone's watched too many Bud Lite commercials

  • prommie

    Jiggerboo. In honor of the blah of it.

  • Goonemeritus

    Probably just a “Trial Puppy” anyway why name it yet.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Dinty Moore, that's all any of them eat in the Palin households anyway.

      Moose Casserole is only for the Today Show.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      Yet? Short for Yeti Palin?

  • MosesInvests

    She should name the dog "Methlab", obviously.

  • fartknocker

    FIDO, a.k.a, Fucking Idiot Dog Owner.

    • sullivanst

      Almost makes me want to listen to The Hives

  • Trannysurprise

    She should name him "Shut My Gaping Hole." Just as a daily moral reminder.

    • chicken_thief

      Gaping hole = va-jay-jay or mouth? Butt? All of them, Katie?!

  • prommie

    I assume that the last choice is pronounced "Shuh-teed?"

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Life-saver.

  • bagofmice

    Bartle and/or James?

    • prommie

      Age is showing!

    • LocalGirlMakesGoo

      ZIMA LIBEL!!!!

  • AddHomonym

    Walnuts, obvs.

  • metamarcisf

    I vote for Alprazolam

  • Aridzona

    Obama of course.

  • Sassomatic

    Shuck n' Jibe.

  • JustPixelz

    Mitt named his dog "Cargo". What's wrong with that?

    Most of the names in your wonkette survey are already Palin family nicknames. Won't that be confusing at Thanksgiving? "I wasn't talking to you Shithead, I was talking to my husband."

    That guy in the picture. There's something about him. Is his name Marcus?

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      They're saving "Cargo" for the next baby.

      • tessiee

        seven or eight months from now

  • Jerri

    "Secret Fantasy," obviously.

  • SorosBot

    Poor dog; won't be too long before she quits taking care of him.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Big black Newfoundland? Funny, in that picture he looks blond and white.

    Wait…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What does she call that fucking hairdo?

    • MosesInvests

      The "Pebbles".

    • JustPixelz

      Yes, that is what she calls it.

    • elviouslyqueer

      The Cumover.

      • Dildeaux

        Winner^^^

    • SorosBot

      And like that giant fake new chin of hers, she probably doesn't realize it looks hideous.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        It's not for looks, it's for comfort. The concrete under the football stadium isn't soft, you know!

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        It gets her more appearances on The Tonight Show.

      • MissTaken

        Maybe I haven't had enough coffee this morning but I think she looks kinda cute in that picture. Almost like a casual, normal 22ish? year old.

        • SorosBot

          It's the new chin and nose that make her look weird; before the plastic surgery she looked normal, but now she looks like she's trying to look like a Cardassian.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            KHLOE LIBE–

            Oh, wait.

          • tessiee

            What th–??
            Her nose is fake, too?
            She PAID for that nose?
            Please tell me that she didn't pay for that nose.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Define "paid" please.

          • Generation[redacted]

            If it makes you feel any better, her mom's political donors paid for it.

        • LionHeartSoyDog

          The kids look okay in the foto.
          But if they asked me to buy them beer outside the 7-11, i'd have to politely decline.

      • KarenJ503

        Sister Willow, who sported a similar 'do in February, probably did Bristol's new look:
        http://tinyurl.com/d8vs89d

        Willow is said to be attending "hair school" to learn how to sculpt coiffures like that.

        Only in Wasilla, Alaska…

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Now now, in fairness, when you're humping on the back of a moving snowmobile, you don't want your hair getting tangled in the halftrack

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      Pentecostal. You can take the baby out of the Jesus, but you can't take the Jesus out of the baby. Or something.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Oh, That's a hairdo? I thought that was the dog they were talking about.
      OK, I see the dog on their lap now.

    • tessiee

      I noticed that too! Seriously what the hell was she think–… Oh, right.
      *snicker*
      [to self] "Thinking"! I kill me!

    • scvirginia

      I thought all Palin females had PHD's (pentecostal hair-do's)… am I wrong?

  • CrunchyKnee

    Name it – "I'll be dead within 6 months" and be done with it.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      You never know, they may find a No-Kill animal shelter to dump it on. But it'll be more like 4 months; those Newfies grow pretty fast.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Yeah, come to think of it, where did their opportunity dogs ACES and AGIA go since those two landmark pieces of superficial Palin legislation got McCain's attention?

  • Beetagger

    For fuck's sake, why doesn't she just start a new reality show where the goal is to name the dog. Christ, she's got a lot to learn. Also, Mittens.

  • dijetlo

    " Fucking Dog"
    The first time he craps on her carpet, that's what she's going to call him and when training animals, it's all about consistency.

  • MissTaken

    Bristol is an idiot. Everyone know you can't have a methlab in a gray plastic tub. It will melt everywhere and then you'll never get your trailer rental deposit back.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's a black dog? Name should rhyme with Tigger.

    • Sassomatic

      Digger?

    • tessiee

      Don't you think it would be awfully confusing if she named it Tr1gger?

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Hey! No F'in fair! Whenever I type that word (the one just before the question mark) I get commenter-excommunicated instantaneously!

        • tessiee

          *as inspector Clouseau*
          Upon closer in-spec-zi-one, you weel notice zat ze name, she eez spell weeth a nombair "one", not a lettair "I".

    • Halloween Jack

      Wigger!

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Bristol posted this, FYI, after her boo-friend reminded her that "I'll Have Another" was already taken sort of used up.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Broken Condom

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Ah, a First Nations name. Good choice.

      • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

        Monitor + coffee spew! You owe me, Actor!

    • M. Szyslak

      Alcohol Fueled Date Rape is too long I suppose.

    • tessiee

      I thought that was her kid.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Otto. Only one true way to know if a woman loves you…If she'll have your dog.

    • commiegirl

      Guess how many pairs of shoes I got? Guess how many ties? Shit, I don't know myself.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    When she's sick of it, she can call it Dinner!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    What's the point of taking those surveys if we can't see the results?

    • Joey_Blau

      yeah! storm the castle! kill them all! we want results!

    • BarackMyWorld

      We'll get the results around the same time we get to see those Romney app pics from last week. :(

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      You know what happens when you publish pics with survey marks on them.

  • Barb

    Name him "W.C. Fields" He won't work with animals or children and if it weren't for animals and children, Bristol would be working at The Waffle House and not getting her own *cough* reality TV show.

  • el_donaldo

    Sambo.

    When I was young my parents had a black cockerpoo named Sambo. I die a little inside when I remember it.

    • scvirginia

      Cockerpoo? I should think so!

    • tessiee

      In the days when I was too young to think about such things, I had a copy of that storybook, and I just loved it, because: a) Sambo had a red jacket, blue trousers, and purple shoes. PURPLE SHOES! b) pancakes for breakfast.

  • Studebaker Hawk

    Bristol Jr.

  • Poindexter718

    If she has any sense of familial irony, something plain like "Jim," or "Bill," or "Mike."

    • sullivanst

      The Palins think irony is like goldy and bronzey.

    • hippie13

      Sarah…you don't get more butch than that

  • Billmatic

    Is her boyfriend in a Backstreet Boys cover band or what the shit

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Nah, you know who that is? That's that post-adolescent actor that's always the first killed in every slasher flic you've ever seen. You know, he's a douche, but he's a dopey fun-loving douche and every girl gets upset he's dead because he makes them feel good about themselves when they reject his clumsy flirts.

    • hippie13

      He seems a bit hetero challenged…are they going to bring in the bachmann clan and butch him up?

  • mookwrthwilson

    Which one's the dog?

  • HempDogbane

    Shep

  • DaSandman

    Strange Taste

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Maybe she could call it "STFU Faggot." Though I don't know how you'd verbalize "STFU." Stafoo? Sutfuh?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I always thought it was "stuff u"

      • Lascauxcaveman

        I believe the correct pronunciation is "shut the fuck up." I'm having trouble locating it in my OED, however.

    • hippie13

      Steve-O

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    "Hey You, Shithead, Stop That" has a nice ring to it. And probably what it will be called more than any name it's given.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    "The Thing We're TOTALLY Into This Week"?

    "Shelter-Bound"?

    "Passing Fancy"?

    "Cute Now, But We'll Eventually Get Bored Of It. Hey, Do We Still Have That Kid, Now That You Mention It?"

    Or maybe the name I originally gave to my first betta fish: "Disposable Pet" (later changed it to "Flushy," and then the silly thing lived nearly two years)

    • hippie13

      The power of Irony.

  • SexySmurf

    If the dog was female I'd name it Sarah.

    • bflrtsplk

      Beat me to it.

  • Boojum

    Roofie. It will explain her next child.

    • George Skullfry

      Damn you.

      It also allows "Roofie the Newfie".

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    I was really hoping "Hopey Changey" would be a choice

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    "Professor", since the drooling beast is an intellectual superior

  • James Michael Curley

    Never, never wear plaid with camo!
    Brig. Gen James Michael Curley, Ret.

    • MoeDeLawn

      thanks for your service.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder why that guy's collar isn't popped.

  • niblick77

    Levi?

  • elviouslyqueer

    I'm thinking "Shelter Bound." Poor thing, it really doesn't stand a chance with this cunty famewhore.

    Oh, and is Brisket aware that her boyfriend is gayer than Elton John's boyfriend's cock ring? Is all I'm asking.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I think I saw him in a Tom of Finland film. "Third Fluffer in the Turkish Bath" was the credit, I believe.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hell, HE probably doesn't even know he's gay.

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Client of Marcus?

    • MissTaken

      The plaid flannel with camo cargo shorts does scream "I'm trying really, really hard to be straight! Really hard!".

    • James Michael Curley

      Sir Elton and Prince Philip have both been hospitalized this last week.

      • tessiee

        And when they pumped their stomachs in the Emergency Room…
        Oh, no, wait. That was Rod Stewart.

    • Crank_Tango

      Since he apparently hasn't gotten her pregnant yet, probably.

    • SorosBot

      But Michele Bachmann told her he's great husband material!

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

      He certainly fits the gay stereotype by hanging out with a fat chick.

    • chicken_thief

      He does seem to be enjoying the dry humping that Fido is giving him. Or he's giving Fido. Whatevs.

    • tessiee

      Do you like…
      gladiator movies…
      Gino?

  • Tyroanee

    “Pimp Daddy”… after all Tripp was named after, it’s only fitting.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Tri–

    no, that's already been used.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      They could pronounce it "Tri-zhair"

  • owhatever

    And here I was thinking that being owned by Mitt Romney was the worst thing that could happen to a dog. Name — something super manly: Nailin'

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Where the fuck are his legs?!

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Excuse me while I go hug my big red pound rescue and apologize for everything her previous redneck owners did to her.

    • UnholyMoses

      Our recently acquired Pembroke Corgi (our third dog, named Kei, who had about a thousand flea bites due to previous neglect) will be getting some extra belly rubs tonight.

      Well, okay — so will the other two. (Turns out that dogs can, in fact, be jealous.)

      • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

        Yeah, I have three.
        Everyone, (including Mr. Fatale), thinks I'm a crazy dog-lady, but those rescuers (bless them), are truly hard-core.

        • UnholyMoses

          We considered fostering, but would get too attached to all of 'em and … well, that's a lot of poop to scoop.

  • Gmac94

    Updo.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Seagrams Golden Wine Palin.

  • smitallica

    Whogivesafuck?

  • Eve8Apples

    She better not let it run around the yard or her mom may shoot it from a helicopter.

    I'd name it "16 Minutes" because her 15 Minutes are over.

  • http://thesecondcomingofjeri.blogspot.com Jeri 2.0

    Calculus? No, I'm sure she's never heard that word. Spore Trail? No, too elite. Fuck it, just let me say I think their living room is FABULOUS! A little sparse, but as soon as they get a few more storage totes and some more art work (I bet that's the 2nd amendment written out in script there behind Brisket) it will be dreamy.

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      Yes, who knew a basement could be so chic?

    • tessiee

      "Calculus? No, I'm sure she's never heard that word."

      Hell, I don't think she can count to 28, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

    • tessiee

      "as soon as they get a few more storage totes and some more art work"

      I know where they can pick up a really cheesy painting of a Nordic knight.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She should call that dog Enovid.

  • TootsStansbury

    Who the fuck cares? The country is going to shit; roaming starving hordes are going to end up eating it anyway.

    • Geminisunmars

      I always come to the Wonkettes for my morning pep talk. Thanks.

  • FlyOverGirl

    Burrito.

    She does know that guy is gay, right?

    • Exhausted66

      I was thinking the exact same thing. This may be a looonng trial marriage.

      • FlyOverGirl

        He'll enjoy his guest spot on Glee.

    • tessiee

      That's one way of remaining technically abstinent.

  • Billmatic

    Glen Rice.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    I named my labrador Paxil because the lovable doofus was the most effective antidepressant I'd ever met. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but perhaps they should call this pup Adderall?

  • Not_So_Much

    Chin implant, Chinplant? Too chinese-y?

    Cankle Biter?

  • Guppy

    Black and Canadian? And welcome in her home?

    Also, to repeat what others have said: gayface.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "St. Bristol Palin, Virgin Queen of Wasilla, might have finally fired her ghost-blogger"

    Fired? Nah, the paychecks probably just kept bouncing.

  • bflrtsplk

    Aren`t they just the cutest couple? The boyfriend and the dog I mean.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    As an aside, I really love what she's done with the apartment.

    • Halloween Jack

      Didn't she buy a house in Arizona two years ago or something?

  • GeneralLerong

    I refuse to read this foolishness.

    Oh, wait. Fuck.

  • neiltheblaze

    "Ratbag"

  • CountryClubJihadi

    MacMeth, Abstinence or The Trash Whisperer.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Call him Heartworm or Intestinal Parasites, because that's what he'll no doubt have soon.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      "The Palin Hookworm Conjecture" is a good dog name. Or band name.

    • tessiee

      Yes, but enough about the boyfriend.
      *drumroll*

  • http://www.wonkette.com Gunner Asch

    Trepan

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    She could name him "My-mommy-cost-her-mommy-the-VicePresidency-because-everyone-wondered-how-family-values-came-into-play-if-she's-a-pregnant-slut"

    Or, you know, Fido. That works

  • hagajim

    Either poor bastard or Fi DOH!

  • A_D

    What is it with Palin women and gigantic hair?

  • M. Szyslak

    .357 or .223 or suppin' ammo related.

  • Dildeaux

    Call him "LB" cause he's headed to the Pound in about a week.

  • Pragmatist2

    Sweetheart?

  • Pragmatist2

    Hold it! He IS Black AND a foreigner – so "Barack".

  • An_Outhouse

    The dude in that picture doesn't look black.

    • tessiee

      One of them does.

  • UnholyMoses

    That guy looks like he should be in a Kids in the Hall sketch.

    The dog's name: LaClifford, the Big Blah Dog.

  • UnholyMoses

    Screw the dog's name. What they really need is an interior decorator.

    • sullivanst

      What they really need is to get off mah fuckin' computer screen.

  • http://twitter.com/iburl iburl

    Most people name their kids things like "Heather" and "Jason" and their pets "Spot" and "Whiskers".

    The Palins name their kids "Tripp" and "Bristol" so it logically follows that the pets should be named things like "Xgllhgyert" and "Skroputyheheh".

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      I literally literally Elled O L at Skroputyheheh.

    • MosesInvests

      I'm crying laughing at that-thanks!

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Distemper? Must look to the future.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I hope it follows her everywhere and she loves it. With that in mind, she ought to call it Tramp Stamp.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    The Palin's seem to name their children with names more appropriate for pets, so I guess I would suggest Jimmy.

  • Jerri

    Trippp.

  • vtxmcrider

    He's a big black Newfoundland? I am not convinced. The dude looks plenty white to me. And how do we know where he is from without the birf certificate?

  • VespulaMaculata

    I forget already about the new boyfriend…? She's shackin' up with him but not fuckin' him, or fuckin' him but not shackin' up with him?

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I'll bet he's REALLY comfy with a "no shagging" (girls) policy.

  • Joey_Blau

    Big Blackie!

    Mr. Black!

    Goofy

    "something that when she calls out the dog's name makes you think she is having sex with a black man"

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Mandingo?

    • tessiee

      "Goofy"

      Nah. Then when someone quite correctly observes that everyone in that family is fuckin' goofy, it would sound like cruelty to animals.

    • MosesInvests

      Oh Sweet Mystery of Life at Last I Found Thee?

  • tessiee

    Hmm…
    It should probably be something that fits in with the rest of that family, but "Welfare Recipient" is really more of a *cat* name, don't'cha think?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    /snark off She should do the poor thing a favor and just call the Humane Society so they can come take the dog away now, before it has to suffer any more.

  • PubOption

    Well if she's got a kid called Trip, she should call the dog Fall. She might then get a job doing ads for a shyster law firm.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Where is that fucker's birf certificate?

    • tessiee

      Hey, we could at least figure out who the dog's father is.

  • tessiee

    So, is the dog going to pull the sled, or does Sarah need a new coat?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Publicity Hound?

    • BarackMyWorld

      I think we have a winner.

  • vtxmcrider

    She will name him Pecker. She got him because her boyfriend has a tiny p-ness.

  • Millennial Malaise

    Sarah actually bought the dog a few months ago, but when she had to make a few last minute campaign stops, Bristol adopted it.

  • BarackMyWorld

    SINCE WHEN DOES A PALIN NEED HELPING NAMING SOMETHING?

    (Besides the newspapers she eads, of course.)

  • tessiee

    If she named it You, everybody could just call it by saying, "Hey, You!".

  • mavenmaven

    If it was genetically defective they could call it Dogg and campaign with it.

    • tessiee

      And if it turns out to be too much trouble to keep, they can make a trip with many, many unscheduled stops in the middle of nowhere, in the hopes of just sort of "accidentally" losing it.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Scrofula

  • chicken_thief

    I'd go for "Tre" since this is the third young'un she will be raising.

  • mormos

    how about, "most competent member of the household?"

  • tessiee

    Given the size that those things grow to, I hope she puts more effort into raising it than her [snicker!] parents put into raising their kids — or that she put into preventing her little oops, for that matter — but I know which way I'd bet.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I got nuth…….uh….
    Blew?

  • Eve8Apples

    I just hope they all get neutered and spayed as soon as possible. We don't need any more Palin pregnancies.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    OK, time for a new post. I mean, I'm at work, shouldn't the Wonkette staff be at work also?

    • Eve8Apples

      Maybe they're at the liquor store stocking up on office supplies to blog the Wisconsin election results later tonight.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    What is it with these white celebrities adopting foreign black babies?

  • http://www.wonkette.com John Birf Society

    I thought Amy Winehouse was dead. She is apparently in Hell.

  • OneDollarJuana

    "Doggy-Style"

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Not for nothing, Editrix, but she's settled on three choices. Obviously, she was told about our snarking and wanted to head it off at the pass
    http://www.patheos.com/blogs/bristolpalin/2012/06

    "Patheos"…heh heh

    • elviouslyqueer

      Honestly, that twatwaffle's blog is like an unflushable turd in the toilet bowl of life.

      • Rotundo_

        Sorta like the feather in "Forrest Gump" only floating away in the bowl after flush 17….

    • tessiee

      I love how she makes a point of saying, "No, we *aren't* living together", in the article; just as if she hadn't already had at least one and possibly two bastard babbys and her chastity were still an issue. Barn door, meet horse.

  • AlaskaGrrl

    How about "Shameless"? Pretty much sums up the whole Palin clan.

    • tessiee

      "I was in the kitchen; Shameless (that's the dog) was outside…"

      One of my favorite Pink Floyd songs EVAR!:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DX7I92SJeM

      PS. The actual dog in the actual song is named Seamus.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Widely regarded as the second worst Pink Floyd song ever, just after "Take Up Thy Stethascope and Walk."

        Oh, and Seamus sang on the studio album, but not the live version. Probably Roger fired him.

        • tessiee

          Meh [shrug] I like old blues. "Seamus" sounds like an old blues song. Therefore, I like "Seamus".

          "Seamus sang on the studio album, but not the live version. Probably Roger fired him."
          And then claimed that *he* was a dog and the song was actually written about him.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Because she apparently has good taste in dogs (broken clocks being right twice a day and such) and I don't want to slight a poor creature who is already unfortunate enough to live with a Palin, I non-sarcastically recommend Nanuk or Aklark, Canadian Inuit for "polar bear" and "brown bear" respectively.

    Here's to hoping the poor thing doesn't get shot.

  • anniegetyerfun

    Moose Chili.

  • Fairtackle

    The Decorator

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Bristol needs a kitten: http://www.kittenkam.com

  • Hedley_Lamarr

    Bark Obama

    • tessiee

      WIN!!

      Except that it reminds me of that awful "joke".

  • m3diajun4

    Preferably, a name Bristol can pronounce.

    I suggest, "Moo".

  • magpie

    Lewis & Clark had a Newfoundland ad I believe it's name applies well here: "Seaman"

  • BTWBFDIMHO

    Grifter?

  • chascates

    I find "SHUT THE FUCK UP" is a pretty good name for most dogs.

  • ChessieNefercat

    How about Fuck Off? That's probably the only way the poor thing will ever be addressed anyway.

  • rickmaci

    Just give him the family name.

    Grifter.

  • Terry

    She needs two puppies, one named Bartles and the other named James.

    Do they still make Bartles and James or am I dating myself? How about Canai wine?

  • CessnaDriver

    Is "poor dog you're fucked" an option?

  • poorgradstudent

    Too bad the dog isn't a lab. Then the name would be obvious: Methlab.

    • tessiee

      I wanted a black lab, but I couldn't afford one. Then I wanted a yellow lab, but I couldn't afford one. So I got a meth lab. Now I can afford any dog I want. — old joke

  • elburritodeluxe

    Bristol and her live-in boyfriend have a nice place for a pair of uneducated high school grads starting out on their own. They are a couple of high achievers! Why can't all young people learn from their example?

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    Trogg. Trogg the dog.

  • crybabyboehner

    Since he's black, she'll probably go with "Barack."

  • stncmchnc

    This vettening needs moar O'Queefing. James, swab your poopdeck, grab your roofies and dildos, and fire up your sex boat. Oh shit, nevermind, this isn't Ghost of Breitbart. Bristol, who cares that you're trying to look like K Kar, but actually on the fast track to Joan Riverstown. It doesn't matter! Good luck with your show, and your abstinence works speeches, and Gawdspeed.

  • MadBrahms

    "Big Black Newfoundland" was one of the CBC's less successful sitcom attempts, in spite of the "Little Mosque on the Prairie" lead-in.

  • divecomputer

    You can name him "sit" so that when you say
    Come here sit…sounds ridiculous :D

  • CoatHanger

    She should totally name it Chastity. You know, like, ironically.

    • tessiee

      Cher already tried that. It didn't go well.

  • TribecaMike

    Where's the marriage certificate?

  • Karma_Suture

    Trigger?

    (on so many levels)

  • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

    This guy(?)'s name is Gino? Please tell me his surname is "Vanilla."

  • tessiee

    "he revolutionized the conservative voice as brave, combative and ready to discuss."

    Pfft.
    Please.
    If those asstards can even *spell* the word "discuss", they probably think it's a frisbee.

  • LiberalMantra

    Blahssie.

  • tessiee

    So, are we just sort of assuming that "Trailer Trash Hosebeast" is a little TOO on-the-nose?

  • bolognawallet

    cuntface

  • TribecaMike

    Five Finger Discount?

  • zedbot

    Grifter.

  • KennyCB

    SCHTUPPY

  • extreme_left

    rpg

  • rocktonsam

    Neglected or

    Dead

    in six moths

  • ChessieNefercat

    She's done so well parenting human kidlets, why shouldn't she try another species? Where are you, ASPCA?

  • ttommyunger

    BIG RED…..Heh, heh……think about it.

    • LakeLucilleLoon

      "Lipstick"

      • ttommyunger

        Eggzacle!

  • Isyaignert

    Who's the dude?

    • TribecaMike

      Either the boyfriend or the beard.

  • extreme_left

    cunt muscle.. hail Ari

  • LionHeartSoyDog

    "Tripp, Trygg, Tank" ?
    How about Taint?

  • Patrick

    I think she should call him Kunta.

    No wait! Toby!

  • freddymcmurray

    Hockey mom?

  • LibertyLover

    Barf

  • TribecaMike

    My suggestion of "Five Finger Discount" has been "awaiting moderation" at Bristol's Blog for over 5 hours. I don't think she likes me.

  • Stevola

    Mom. Oh wait, it's male.
    Aw, fuck it. Mom.

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    "Target" would be perfect on so many levels, but I think "Glock" would probably appeal to Bristle.

  • DahBoner

    Downboy.

  • tweeksmom

    Name him "Baby Daddy"….

  • hippie13

    Apparently bristol is confused by three letter words…BIG means large or full grown, she has a puppy which is SMALL. Do be fair she did get DOG correct.

  • Barb

    Thanks!

  • thatsitfortheother1

    Too soon.