See, cow poop gets in the waterSome folks out in Real America who probably have no problem with President Obama’s unchecked expansion of the drone war to kill children in 500 countries or its use of drones to survey the Mexican border or its use of domestic drones everywhere else because this is something we’ve allowed to happen have finally come up with a tangentially related complaint line that fits their fancy: Obama’s liberal EPA is using drones to spy on hard-workin’ ranchers, in Nebraska. “A Nebraska cattlemen’s group is pushing the Environmental Protection Agency to stop pollution-control flights over ranches, claiming it amounts to spying on citizens,” MSNBC reports. “EPA, meanwhile, says the flights are an effective way to quickly spot — and stop — pollution from manure lagoons and other waste at large livestock operations.” Wow, it almost seems like this Nebraska cattlemen’s group is cynically using contentious “privacy” grounds to stop the EPA from monitoring all of their violations of the Clean Water Act, doesn’t it? But let’s just say that liberals hate the Heartland instead.

Nebraskan lawmakers are determined not to let the liberal environmentalists in the government spy on ranchers while they’re in the dump closet:

EPA has been operating these flights across the country for nearly 10 years.

“These operations are in many cases near homes, and landowners deserve legitimate justification given the sensitivity of the information gathered by the flyovers,” Rep. Adrian Smith, R-Neb., said in a statement. “Nebraskans are rightfully skeptical of an agency which continues to unilaterally insert itself into the affairs of Rural America.”

The issue was brought to the lawmakers’ attention by Nebraska Cattlemen, which represents the state’s beef producers.

Ooh here’s a solution: eliminate the EPA? See, we can work for the Nebraska cow people.


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  • nounverb911

    Is this the recon for Oklahoma's impending attack on Texas?

    • I'm pretty sure they'd be spying from schooners not drones.

      • Pragmatist2

        That would be "prairie schooners." There is not enough water in Oklahoma for a real schooner

        • Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't tell them that! This is fun to watch!

        • Negropolis

          Lake Hefner and all of eastern OK libel!

  • edgydrifter

    Drones? Duh. This is flyover country. What the hell do they expect?

    • Baconzgood

      DAMMMMNNNNN YOU edgy!!!!!!

  • Come here a minute

    It is a slippery slope from here to getting arrested for taking the dog to poop in the asshole neighbor's yard.

  • philpjfry

    Maybe the drones should drop manure on the ranchers. Nebraska is just a pile of shit anyway

    • Matthew Sweet Libel!

  • Baconzgood

    "FLY OVER COUNTRY" Ass hats.

  • nounverb911

    Can Sarah Palin see the manure lagoons from her house?

    • edgydrifter

      Yes, and she's jealous because she thinks the ranchers' swimming pools are bigger than hers.

    • Yeah, it's her hot tub.

    • gullywompr

      Every time she looks in the mirror…

    • See, this is why we shouldn't monitor these things: lagoons always deliver some ghastly proto-human creature that then eats up all the good God-fearin' people living near the lagoon

      One can only imagine the kind of monster a manure lagoon would spontaneously create.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Dick Cheney terrorized the townsfolk for 8 years.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        A GOP vice presidential candidate?

        • Hm. Hadn't considered that.

          o/~ A bomb bomb bomb, bomb Omaha….

          • BigSkullF*ckingDog

            Although technically I think Wasilla is considered a cesspool, not a lagoon.

      • YasserArraFeck

        Like the Shit Demon in Dogma?

      • Boojum

        Obviously, Nebraska Cow People.

    • Nostrildamus

      Leave Bristol Alone !!!!

  • Callyson

    The issue was brought to the lawmakers' attention by Nebraska Cattlemen, which represents the state's beef producers.
    "The same ends could be accomplished by picking up a phone, sending an email, talking to a producer in person," Kristen Hassebrook, the group's environmental affairs director, told "There is no need to spy on citizens."

    Hey there, are you guys polluting? No? OK, I trust you…

    "Another frustration," she added, is that "EPA does not alert livestock producers that the flight will occur or has occurred."

    Hey, no fair! You're supposed to warn the criminals first!

    • mrpuma2u

      It's really that those heaps of cow shite are potential weapons of mass destruction, or could be put in bags and set on the steps of key gubmint officials and set on fire etc…. it's a slippery slope, and it gets even slippery-er coated with steer turds.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        There is no bag of shit big enough for the Capitol Building's steps.

  • Maybe Nebraskans just don't wanna be caught having sexy time with their cattle. Just sayin'…

    • YasserArraFeck

      better than seeing them doing the nasty with their wives – them ConserviTard ladies is homely!

  • Tundra Grifter

    I heard about this on Off-the-Mark Levin's radio show. He said the drones were watching cattle poop. Where does the EPA get off trying to enforce the law?

    Or he just wants to keep "drones" as the name for his followers.

    • wow, i'm paid to write about this shit and I can't even handle a minute of mark levin's show

      • lizunyan

        I listen to conservative talk shows whenever I'm driving and Mark Levin is the one that's always playing when I leave work and it it by far one of the most annoying things to exist ever. I seriously think he has some severe form of aspergers or something – and i mean no disrespect to people with aspergers – but he just gets in these tantrums where he's just yelling threats to nobody for 20 minutes. "LET ME TELLYA MISTUR PRODURCER!!!" It brings back flashbacks of "chris-chan" from encyclopedia dramatica fame.
        I listen to these dudes all day and even though levin is tantrummy i can handle him but for the record I cannot listen to hannity at all. AT. ALL.

    • HempDogbane

      I heard a local ad on Yankton, SD's WNAX (Your Big Friend) today for an outfit that will get your cattle facility up to EPA code. They did a nice job of balancing a description of their excellent services in solving these problems and blaming the damn EPA for spying on the hard working rancher. The ad ran during a show where a guy was explaining how worldwide economic collapse is going to go down, I think his name was Glen-something.

    • Hoisted_Peatard

      Wow..that's either masochism, bravery or both (it's both). I once tried to listen to Michael Savage but the hateful idiocy was too strong….this was 2005. Then I tried watching "Hannity and Colmes" for a while but I couldn't keep suppressing the urge to punchisize Hannitys smug melon so I quit that in 2006. I also was sort of forced by riding in a truck with Limbaugh on it and that was 2002 (and in Utah, big shock right?). That pretty well amounts to all of my conservatard media exposure with the exception of the gag book "Arguing with Idiots" by Beckastan-stan that a relative gave me for my birthday which was really humorous, uintentionally so at that. In other words I don't know how you do it…must drink copious amounts of alcohol while listening, amiright?

  • fartknocker

    We sure don't want any drones flying over the Rio Grande. Nebraska ranchers need inexpensive Mexican labor.

  • Callyson

    EPA plans to respond to lawmakers' questions by June 10. Spokesman Ben Washburn emphasized that the flights help "minimize costs and reduce the number of on-site inspections across the country."

    So, will the Nebraska cattlemen support increased funding for the EPA, in order to enable them to do their job without engaging in these objectionable flights?

    (Ah, I needed that good LMFAO…)

  • GeorgiaBurning

    These farmers would shit themselves if they knew about Google Earth.

  • Baconzgood

    Bombing Nebraska….Now that's somthing I can get behind.

    • M. Szyslak

      Wasn't it already?

  • SayItWithWookies

    In our new austerity government everybody's expected to do more with less. Except anybody who enforces regulations, who are supposed to do less with less. And the military, who's expected to do less with more.

  • bumfug

    First they came for the shit-spewing farmers…

  • SexySmurf

    Not only that, but the drones are making it harder for the black U.N. helicopters to do whatever it is they supposedly do.

    • Negropolis

      I know, right? They are totally clogging their airspace and such as.

      Turf War, y'all!

  • Pragmatist2

    It's Ok to have a drone-based rocket blow up a citizen who happens to be outside the US, but not OK for a drone to watch a Nebraska rancher getting close with one of his sheep?
    Would it be alright if he was an illegal immigrant rancher?

  • calliecallie

    Can't the EPA just use Google Earth to spot the pools of poo? Waste of gubmint resources when the private sector can do it cheaper and sneakier. No need for pesky drones when you've got satellites in space that can read the license plate on your car.

  • OneYieldRegular

    I usually try to keep up with the news, but I somehow missed hearing about our invasion of Nebraskastan.

    • If we don't fight them there, we'll have to fight them here.

      • HistoriBarb

        Take off and nuke the whole thing from orbit – it's the only way to be sure.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    While they're at it could the airspace over my laptop be declared a 'no-fly-zone'.

    I'm sick of drones enforcing their stupid No-Fap laws!

  • gullywompr

    What? Rural America™ isn't under the jurisdiction of the United States?

  • Fairtackle

    He says "unilaterally insert itself into the affairs of Rural America.” like it is a bad thing.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Get big government out of cow farts now!!!

  • I want to formally apologize to the EPA and all those cattle ranchers.

    I had a burrito that day.

  • If the drones blow up any ranchers it'll be OK – the ranchers are presumed to be cattle, absent conclusive post-mortem proof to the contrary.

  • Sassomatic

    Get out of our cow pastures and back into the ladies' va-jay-jays where you belong.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Drone-Bot: Currently circling MASSIVE manure lagoon. Request permission to destroy.

    Ground Control: That's Omaha you dumb machine.

    Drone-Bot: And your point is …?

    • Very nicely played, sir!

      *polite golf clap*


      • Mittens Howell, III

        Why thank you, all this manure lagoon talk sure makes a man thirsty.

      • Naked_Bunny

        Great, now I'm imagining the "water" hazards on Nebraska golf courses.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Shit happens.

  • Danngit, damn Nobama keep yer filthy communist hands off my social security and my manure lagoon!!!!!!!!!!

  • decay500

    Drone-overs… Problem here is that these drones aren't stupid. They see the bullshit and report it.

    • HogeyeGrex

      If only we could say as much for our media.

      Oh, wait. They see the bullshit and report it too. They just don't report it as bullshit.

      • decay500

        True dat …

  • Where is Prince Brietbart to the rescue? I would think sky demi-gods could swat drones as they flew by in their flying chariots.

  • Is this why there's a drone circling over the House of Representatives today?

    • YasserArraFeck

      It's calibrating its "Steaming Pile of Bullshit" detection software

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    So, a big huge pool of shit is a privacy issue, but women's medical choices are not.

    Good to know. Thanks GOP.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Only 'cos they haven't figured out how to get a Predator drone up there – just a matter of time before the EPA (Embryo Protection Agency) is on the case.

  • Naked_Bunny

    I always knew that Mother Nature would kill us all, but I didn't expect her to go through legal channels to do it.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    From Last Months Security Briefing to Obama:

    Nebraska Determined to Shit In U.S.

  • Hmmm, E Coli and cow shit in the drinking water or privacy for cattle barons.

  • We laugh about manure lagoons, but….

  • Naked_Bunny

    You know who I feel sorry for? The guy whose job it is to fly a drone around Nebraska looking for manure ponds. Do they have monthly quotas? What if they fall asleep and crash a drone into a cow? How do you spin that job on your resume at

    • Remote Cameraman — Good with close ups.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Air Cav. they traded in their horses for quadrocopters and went tear-assing around 'Nam 'Ska looking for the shit.

  • Generation[redacted]
  • M. Szyslak

    Hey Cornholer Huskertards; even Arizona has environmental laws. I feel better 'bout my fucked up fascistic nightmare of a state already.

  • Exhausted66

    "EPA has been operating these flights across the country for nearly 10 years."

    Hard to believe Obama's been president for 10 years.

  • DalePues

    Try to understand how the locals might see this government intrusion:

    Warning: put on your wading boots!

    • Generation[redacted]

      The producers also worry that a greater EPA presence in the state will lead to more costly manure-control modifications on their farms, dairies and feedlots, said Chuck Folken, owner of a 7,500-head cattle feed yard near Leigh and former president of the Nebraska Cattlemen.

      He's just straight up saying that they're all in violation of environmental regulations and the clean water act.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Why should I care what they do in Nebraski-baski-baski-stan-stan?

  • Rotundo_

    So is the EPA zipping off a couple of Hellfire missiles at the farmhouses near the shit lagoons or what? Sounds like rancher Bubba has his tighty whities in a knot since he can't dump half a lagoon worth every time it rains instead of properly dealing with the poop his "little family farm with 50,000 head of beef cattle on concrete"

    • Generation[redacted]

      The drone programming is quite simple:

      If it's yellow, fly real mellow.
      If it's brown, shoot it down.
      If it's black, rocket attack!

  • spinozasgod

    stop eating beef…problem solved

  • Hoisted_Peatard

    Yes, god help us all if the illegal drone spying gets used on something productive like watching beef farms illegally create overfilled shit lagoons which literally explode once they reach critical mass (this is actually fairly common with pig factory farms,google it…literal shit geysers over 100 feet high) as a way to maybe I dunno…make sure our basic needs like water are a bit less putrid. The usual conservatardish logic rules the day: it's okay to spy on peace groups covertly because as everyone knows peaceniks are all violent extremists but the government better never, ever, ever do anything to prevent corporations from slowly poisoning us all in their never ending quest to make as much money as possible while paying as little as possible to do it. No sir, not ever…unAmerican…now lets go spy on the REAL danger: an old ladies bridge club, I hear theys don't like the big banks…

  • LionHeartSoyDog

    So Corporate "ranchers" want to literally shit all over God's country???
    So Drone the "sheep" and the "cattle" and let the wolves and coyotes clean up the mess.

    That's not me talking, it's somebody else.
    To advocate violence would be wrong.

  • BerkeleyBear

    They can thank all the conservatives who, in the "war on drugs" pushed for ever laxer views of privacy.

    Drones are fixed wing aircraft (check) flying in regular airspace (check) over areas they have a legitimate reason to monitor (check) and any coverage of homes is incidental to law enforcement purposes (check) – constitution satisfied. Got a problem with it – go bitch about it with the pot farmers and outdoor nudity enthusiasts of generations past who lost their cases.

  • CivicHoliday

    I personally LOVE to drink water contaminated with cow shit and associated ammonia and pathogens, so I'm not sure why EPA thinks this kind of monitoring is necessary.

  • pinkocommi

    You know, there is a saying about not shitting where you sleep. It should go double where you drink ground water.

  • ttommyunger

    Relax, Jethro; nobody gives a fuck what goes on in Nebraska.

  • owhatever

    You protest, we arm the drones with missiles and shoot your fuckin' cows. Howzat?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Yes, no concerns when the military CIA, NSA, FBI, police, or private companies use drones to gather info about private citizens without their consent. It's when it's the EPA that you really need to freak the fuck out.

  • Negropolis

    But, these folks are totally against the Keystone XL pipeline being driven through the Ogallala Aquifer 'cause…pollution, right? Okay; got it.

  • Negropolis

    The Oracle of Omaha is growing too big for his britches, eh? And, that place called Oz up in the Northwest is plotting something, I'm sure of it. They know and own too much…

  • Boojum

    I read every single comment, and NO ONE answered the most important question, which is whether the Nebraska Cow People are at war with the Minnesota Lizard People.

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