Where were you on 6/4/12? This is the day that America got its groove back, after the world’s worst people — reporters — in the world’s worst institution — the House of Representatives — saw a urinal explode and soak them in pee and chewing tobacco pouches and mostly 100% water, more likely, but also perhaps that morning turd that some schlub keeps poppin’ in the urinal. They say you learn a lot about yourself after losing your first fight. Well, you learn a lot more after having that first urinal explode and hurl acid all over you. America’s back, baby. Exploding Urinal/Santelli ’16?
Tell us how it went down, National Journal?
A big splash occurred on Monday morning at the House Press Gallery in the U.S. Capitol.
No, this wasn’t one of those unexpected guest appearances for celebrities to talk to reporters about some favorite cause.
Oh god ENOUGH WITH YOUR CUTESY LEDES; what’s up with the exploding piss box?
This splash came from an exploding urinal. More specifically, something suddenly broke in the piping of the third-floor urinal, and water began spewing from beneath the men’s room door.
As the water flowed, it first surrounded the Associated Press’s working area, then spread toward both ends of the gallery, which was occupied by fewer than usual reporters and staffers, because the House is out of session until Tuesday.
Capitol Police officers, gallery staff, and other U.S. Capitol personnel moved to contain the flow. In doing so, they found a use, finally, for the gallery’s stacks of unread newspapers, magazines, and other periodicals, as makeshift sponges and sandbags.
Employees from the Architect of the Capitol and other Capitol staffers managed to eventually stop the geyser. In came vacuums to suck up the water, and a section of the gallery carpeting was taken up – leaving behind a sticky floor.
REPORTERS/HILL STAFFERS: Can you tell us more? Which House reporter got covered in the most “water”? “Water” in scare quotes because maybe the “water” was “brown”? Email jim@wonkette.com with your hot urinal massacre stories/pix/sealed evidence please, thank you.
{ 106 comments }
It was plugged up with Santorum.
MEMO
TO: Rick Santorum
FROM: Actor212
It's "chicken". You're supposed to keep fucking that chicken!
Who flushed the Cherry bomb down the toilet?
Rick Perry?
The Runaways?
Hello Dad! Hello Mom!
I'm your Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch
CHERRY BOMB!
I have such a crush on Jackie Fox…
Can't stay at home
can't stay at school..
Those crazy guys from the Delta House?
Larry Craig.
Joe Lieberman and Lindsey Graham.
Last seen running down the hall giggling "that'll show those APeers who's a pansy."
Shirley Temple.
What can I say? I'm a fan of the classics.
How many times do they have to tell Chuck Todd not to put his used tampons in the damn urinals? Geesh.
That's what happens when the shit is waist deep in Congress. Maybe the legislative Gods were trying to flush the assholes out of the Capitol.
That would take a flood of Noah proportions.
"gallery’s stacks of unread newspapers, "
People still read newspapers?
All of 'em, Katie!
(finally, an appropriate question for that answer)
"gallery’s stacks of unread newspapers, "
People still read newspapers?
No, they unread them, obvs.
Now we know why the Washington Times has any subscribers, at all, anywhere.
Couldn't have happened to a nicer group of stenographers.
YELLOW JOURNALISM!
Murdoch must be recruiting.
Kudos to the muckrakers who battled this cesspool of corruption.
This is worthy of its own entry, Stude!
Off topic – your handle brought a tear to my eye. My first two cars were Studebaker Larks. They were out of production by then but those cars could take a beating.
A lot of comments make me laugh but it's the great ones like this that make me go "Fuck! I wish I'd thought of that!"
i think you get comment of the day.
Pfft, everybody knows those AP guys put that cherry bomb there themselves, just so they would have something to report on while the House was out of session. It's only fitting that their own words were used to mop it up.
They still do muckraking, clearly.
Remember, remember, the Fourth of Junetember…
And…wait for it…what can Brown do for you?
Was it the Democratic or whites-only bathroom?
I expect the House GOP to come out firmly against Big Government spending to replace the infrastrcuture of this urinal. stay true, shitstains.
As much fun as the idea of everyone there getting soaked in pee-pee and poop is, if the fluid in the pipe that burst was under pressure as indicated, then it's in the flushing (supply) side rather than the drain side and therefore not yet contaminated with yucky bits. Make what snark you will about the supply side thing…
Trickle Down Economics finally worked!
Close down this mommyblog. We cannot possibly top this.
Assuming there wasn't a cherry bomb or M-80 flushed, you mean. That could have built a pressure wave that backwashed.
See? Print journalism is good for something. Try soaking up all that water with the internet.
Dammit!
*tearing up patent application for iSponge*
President's daily briefing yesterday "Terrorists determined to strike in Mens Room."
And just try to soak up old Congressional urine with a blog or a tweet–long live print!
Trickle down, bitches!!11
I blame Satan. And super absorbant Depends. Satan keeps flushing the Depends.
I blame all those liquor bottles Denny Rehberg-R, MT, has been stowing in the supply tank. Let's hope voters send him home–or to a home.
I blame Obama. Apparently, you can never go wrong with blaming the blah president. Jews get a break just this once.
Which Member of Congress pisses chewing tobacco?
All…
I would have guessed Boehner myself, the guy smokes and drinks to the point where he probably excretes something like pureed chaw when he takes a leak.
Boehner.
What? But its months till my birthday!
In doing so, they found a use, finally, for the gallery’s stacks of unread newspapers, magazines, and other periodicals, as makeshift sponges and sandbags.
Including, oddly, every piece of legislation proposed by progressives over the past five years…
But was the flood really "Sponge worthy"?
Depends
Well done, Sir. Impeccable timing!
(I have to quit eating and snarking at the same time. Please excuse me while I clean up some errant bits of triscuit spewed mid LOL … )
A giant spreading puddle of urine in our nation’s capital isn’t just symbolism it’s conclusive proof of an angry and somewhat juvenile deity.
Who said God can't have a good sense of humor? Anyone? Class? Buehler?
Sounds like the work of Joe the Plumber.
He certainly knows how to fix Washington.
or Nixon's plumbers and their dirty tricks.
I just want to know whose offices are on the second floor, and who's going to smell like the ditch in a Kentucky backwoods shooting gallery for the next few weeks.
Patrick McHenry (R-NC), natch, but that's not news.
The President was reading "My Incontinent Pet Goat" to a group of school children when this happened.
The House of Representatives has a bathroom? I thought members of Congress just pissed directly onto the American people.
this iz win.
This literally happened and is in no way a metaphor for how Congress treats the rest of us.
Not a thing should be read into this highly ironic and poetic event, no sir!
"[T]he third-floor urinal." They only need one, because usually Congress just goes around cold pissing on everybody.
Finally the Washington Press Corps get pissed off about something appropriate.
Don't laugh — this is the biggest splash John Boehner's made since he became speaker.
Champagne showers for everyone!
Suddenly, all those flushed fetuses gestating in the drains have had enough of Obamacare.
And to think the GOP Congressmen usually have to pay for their golden showers.
An investigation revealed the cause to be the gigantic pissing contest that is the US Congress.
"There's another old saying, Senator: Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining. "
No problem, simply roll a non-soggy newspaper and use the Senator's coat pocket, like fans do standing in the queue at a NFL games.
Let them eat urinal cake.
Tee-Hee
"Poop"
Really Jim, it it news that the House reporters are a little pissy? It a bit like saying the Mariners play baseball. Well perhaps I should change that metaphor, but you get how this runs.
"Runs" and "Mariners" do not belong in the same paragraph.
It was another War on Men attack. Stock up on some bidet-busters, guys!
"…a section of the gallery carpeting was taken up – leaving behind a sticky floor."
I don't even want to know.
Larry Craig Libel!!
I liked the tale of the malfunctioning toilet at GSA better. It helped me finally understand the meaning of the word "assploded."
And now we know why David Vitter wears diapers.
"Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the varsity swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode."
"You're talking about Congress, sir."
"Of course I'm talking about Congress, you TWERP!"
COINCIDENTALLY BILL AYERS WAS JUST SPOTTED HURRYING TO CATCH A FLIGHT AT DULLES!!!!111!!!!!
Meh. Shrapnel wounds or GTFO.
"…because the House is out of session until Tuesday."
They should have been at fucking work… loafers.
Urinal cakes? I will not be fooled by that name again.
Trickle down journalism
Odds on when they start selling "I HAD A BLAST AT THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES' URINAL!" t-shirts?
OH, SERIOUSLY?!?
Exploding urinals couldn't have waited until the House was back in session? REALLY? Damn randomness of it all.
Do the urinals look like this by any chance?
http://www.japanprobe.com/2012/03/21/chinese-hote…
I'm so glad for the writings of Jim Newell, esp when I need a good laugh.
Not to mention his random comedic alt-text stylings–the cherry on top. Alt Text on All Pics!! Your readers (or this reader) demand(s) it!
And the Senate smirks. Dry and piss-free. Dirty, dirty, dirty little congresspeople.
Water is not "Sticky".
Things that are sticky:
Cum
Syrup
Syzurp
ground up rent boys
jarred fetii
Finally! Some good news!
if rahm and ari collaborated on donnie darko project.
The work of avenging Ghost Breitbart ??
I sometimes text pics of my more remarkable deuces to friends. Maybe I should add jim@wonkette to my send list?
Move along folks, there's nothing metaphorical to see here.
It's urinal news from the National Urinal !
Urinals? Must be for show; I know all those twats squat to pee.
So, in addition to Bob Dylan, R. Kelly was in DC?
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