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Boring Old Louisiana GOP Convention Livened By Rioting Paultards

Paultards: putting the 'blood' back in political bloodsport.

Hello and welcome to the latest episode of Extreme Delegate Apportionment brought to you by America’s disgruntled old Paultard contingent. These political bloodsport fanatics spent the weekend screaming and flinging themselves about at the Louisiana GOP’s state convention after party leaders sought to thwart the Paultards’ hostile convention takeover and RNC delegate pilfering scheme. (This is their thing now, at many state conventions.) There were arrests! And dislocated hips! Watch the chaos, after the jump.

Here is the short version of what happened: Ron Paul supporters showed up in force to try to claim most of the contestable delegates at the convention despite their candidate’s fourth place finish in the state’s primary, the Louisiana GOP chairman told them to grow up, and they responded by seceding from the convention, turning their chairs around and starting their own club. Then this ReLOVEutionary got his fingers broke, or something, as he was being arrested:

But wait, it’s still raining angry Paultards! Here is Round Two, starring some other guy screaming about his hip being dislocated as he too was arrested. This is his own personal Battle of Thermopylae:

And now we will take a moment to appreciate how Ron Paul, alleged human incarnation of the Constitution, has lately abandoned the tyranny of democracy in favor of sending marauding bands of feverish supporters to steal delegates rightfully earned by candidates who managed to win actual elections, just as the Founding Fathers intended, The End. [Raw Story]

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      1. bflrtsplk

        If they only turned their chair to face backwards it`s not a full revolution, only a half an orbit.

      1. MittBorg

        Yes, they do that "I don't see you, therefore I can't hear you, and I am pointing my ears backwards to show that I'm ignoring you" routine.

  1. BaldarTFlagass

    I hope this is a portent of things to come, for Tampa. It's gonna make the 1968 Chicago convention look like a kindergarten recess!!!

    1. MittBorg

      'Cause, you know, they're bringin' their guns, oh yesss sirree! And Gov. Rick "Felonious" Scott won't supercede the city's weapons statutes to permit gun control, oh, no, ho, ho!

      Anybody work in the ER in Tampa? Bet you could sell photos.

      1. sullivanst

        And Gov. Rick "Felonious" Scott won't supercede the city's weapons statutes to permit gun control, oh, no, ho, ho!

        I thought Tampa was quite desirous of putting in place some commonsense gun control for the duration of the convention, it was more that Florida state law comprehensively preempts localities from doing so and neither Felonious nor the state leg is able to get their heads out their asses long enough to address the bloodbath possibilities.

        1. MittBorg

          You're correct, Florida state laws do not permit gun control, and the City of Tampa had begged Rick Scott to intervene and permit them to ensure that only police could carry guns at the convention because they can see what's coming down the road if every attendee might well be carrying a gun. Someone with a replacement hip who didn't want to be tossed or have their fingers broken might start a bloodbath. It's gonna be te most exciting election ever.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      It's a pity the weather in Tampa will be too hot for the Paultards to wear their special "Ron Paul 2012" hoodies.

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if the broke-fingers dude or the replaced-dislocated hip dude have Medicare. For the irony.

    1. MittBorg

      If they don't, they'll sure as hell wish they did. Replacing a damaged hip prosthesis is expensive, painful, and time-consuming. A second replacement means a lower likelihood of success, as well.

  3. JustPixelz

    " Louisiana GOP chairman told them to grow up"

    "And move out of your parent's basements" he added with a Shatner tone in his voice.

  4. kingofmeh

    y'all thought that revolution stuff was just a metaphor, huh? they regret they have but two hips to give for their nation.

    1. MittBorg

      They'll be giving a lot more before this battle is over — teeth, bones, hair. We're talking Republicans here. The Paultards should be grateful they weren't in the mood for a little brunchtime face-nomming.

    1. cheetojeebus

      I tried to watch this over the weekend-don't ask How I came across it! oh the shaking, I'm still felling queasy.

  5. SayItWithWookies

    Stealing elections from the people who steal elections — well, I know who I'm rooting for — the spineless Democrats who will refuse to notice this discord out of politeness.

    1. MittBorg

      There are times when I wish I could line up all the politicians in the Democratic Party and kick some spine right up their asses.

      Nancy Pelosi, Pat Leahy, Henry Waxman, Barbara Lee, Pete Stark, and a few others excepted, since they already have spine.

  6. Barb

    Looks like Tardi Gras season in Louisiana.

    Flashes breasties: hey mister, throw me some beads!

      1. Barb

        Thanks! He arrived right before noon. I already ordered him a Georgia Tech jersey and I am looking for a Boston college jersey to honor his dad's colleges.

        1. nounverb911

          Wait, he's an hour and nineteen minutes and already on the internet? Should live-blogged the birth.

          (PS. Get him a shirt from the Varsity)

    1. JustPixelz

      I see a new avatar! As a non-stalker, I can only assume that is your grandchild. A girl I also assume. Let's call her Barb-E. Her avatar can be a bottle so she'll fit in around here.


    2. TootsStansbury

      Awww! Cute new babby! Is this your first Grand-baby? They're so sweet like candy nom noms.

      1. Barb

        Thanks! I'm already a grandmother. My other daughter is about to have her baby too, lol. I will have one pink one and one blue one after Cricket has her daughter.

    3. George Skullfry

      Congratulations, gramma (I'll never say that again).

      I hope everything is still well regarding the Longest Delivery in History.

  7. memzilla

    For some reason, I look at these videos and can't get the Monty Python theme out of my head.

    No One Expects the Ron Paul ReLOVEution!

      1. fartknocker

        You are correct. What a collective bunch of shit for brains. Which reminds me, the editorix needs to bring the shit for brains graphic back into play.

        I hope all is well for you.

    1. Naked_Bunny

      Just how soft is the soil in Florida? I'm only thinking of the geological implication of so many Ron Paul devotees turning their chairs around at once, for science.

    1. actor212

      Not a problem: Louisianans will lie end to end and create the world's largest bounce castle. Bombs come down, bombs bounce up, you can't explain that.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ But if you go carrying pictures of Congressman Paul
    You ain't going to make it with anyone at all
    Don't you know it's gonna be all white ♪

  9. randcoolcatdaddy

    This reminds me of how fun politics used to be in the 19th century.

    In fact, much of what the Republicans are doing reminds me of the 19th century…

      1. MittBorg

        Me likey, Yasser. Better check the prevailing winds that day. We don't want any to escape.

        Although, come to think of it, once you get really old, you're kind of a walking collection of bad smells, so, would they even notice. (I can say this – I R an Official Oldz.)

  10. LastGasp

    It won't be a real GOP convention dispute until someone is gunned down and the gunshot victim is called a Communist.

  11. Goonemeritus

    Doctor Ron Paul has clearly wrapped this nomination up and only GOP shenanigans prevent the world from crowning him dear leader for life of the known Universe. His followers need to step it up might I suggest holding their breath until the GOP finally gives in.

    1. actor212

      Watch the second one with Closed Captioning on. It's a hoot! "Cambodian catechism catholics cannot"

      *wipes tear of abject hysteria*

      1. TootsStansbury

        That is some funny shit. "Here's the pot." among much other hilarity in there.

  12. savethispatient

    GOP Delegate: I am your delegate.
    Paulite: Well, I didn't vote for you.
    GOP: But more people voted for me than your guy.
    Paulite: Well, how'd you become delegate, then?
    GOP: The Lady of the Super PAC, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft wads of cash from the bosom of the Kochs, signifying by divine providence that I was to be a delegate for Romney. That is why I am your delegate. Also, completely independent of that, Romney got more votes.
    Paulite: Listen. Strange PACs lying with Kochs, distributing wads of cash is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
    GOP: Be quiet! I got more votes! I have a mandate!
    Paulite: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some Koch tart threw cash at you!
    GOP: Shut up! Will you shut up?! I got more votes!
    Paulite: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
    GOP: [shakes Paulite] Shut up!
    Paulite: Oh! Sheeple! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!
    GOP: Bloody Peasant!

    … and scene

  13. Naked_Bunny

    This is how libertarians are expected to behave when the rules don't work in their favor. It's called the Free Market, commie.

  14. Boojum

    My favorite is the guy yelling, "I have a handicap! I have a handicap!"

    True, but the Wonkette Rules of Commenting forbid us from discussing it.

  15. Baconzgood

    I call bull shit on that hip whiner. Fuckin douche bag Sid Bream slid into home to knock the Bucs out of the Series in '92 with a fake hip, this tit head didn't knock it outta wack yelling about Ron Paul.

    1. MittBorg

      Oh, Baconz, Baconz, Baconz. Sid Bream was an athlete with a pretty solid foundation of muscle that probably kept him from injuring himself when he slid inta home that way. When you're a doughy fatass like this guy, and you have a fake body part, your muscles do not believe they should have to cooperate with your bones in keeping you pain-free. Trust me on this. That lardbag is fatter and more out of shape than I am, but I still sympathize. (Also, interesting aside: AFTER you've injured yourself, it's very difficult to exercise due to pain. The less you exercise, the more muscle tone you lose, especially if you're over 45. Can't win for losing.)

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      I'll call bullshit on the hip-whiner too. The first time I did the Seattle to Portland ride I did it with an artificial leg and a broken wrist. Fucking libertarian douchebag weaklings.

    3. Hoisted_Peatard

      That's an impressive command of memory there….I didn't know Sid Bream had a fake hip when that happened….in fact, I'd forgotten all about it. Not to salt wounds or anything…but that's like the last time the Buccos made the playoffs, right? I mean…they haven't had more than one or two winning seasons since. So I can totally understand why you'd keep that as such a prized memory…Yankees fans probably have individual games where their team got knocked out…but then again they go to the playoffs almost every year so they'd just forget about it the following year when they go back. Haha, I'm just ribbing you, I've been forced to adopt the Mariners as my team (that is until Magic bought the Dodgers making them not owned by RWN douchebags of mass destruction) and well, we suck. But I mean…Pirates fans at least can still pick on Royals fans for being worse…and Cub fans too since they have Ricketts as an owner….so, not so bad…

  16. niblick77

    Our founding fathers did not ask to be release from England with polite words why should Ron Paul? Oh, yeah, civilization. Never mind!

  17. sullivanst

    Paultard videographers appear to be remarkably adept at recording zero evidence of wrongdoing by police and/or anyone else who isn't a Paultard. Anyone else notice how the camera is pointing at the exact moment the first guy screams out? A previous video allegedly capturing an assault at a GOP convention in another state also mysteriously managed to be pointing the wrong way at the critical moment.

    Apparently Shreveport police are vastly more tolerant of being filmed than most American police forces, and probably more patient than average in dealing with removing uncooperative individuals (c.f., for example, "don't tase me bro")

    1. HogeyeGrex

      I suspect they'd be a bit less tolerant and patient if this had been an Occupy rally.

      It is kind of a shame that these turds didn't get to experience the full spectrum of police state-iness they so desire to lay upon the rest of us.

  18. Blueb4sunrise

    The second video has Closed Captioning .

    including: " Rebeca punitive damages and button"

  19. Fare la Volpe

    The GOP eating their own — and here I thought we were done with cannibalism stories for the week.

    1. MittBorg

      You need a Jezus, Bacon, and you want DOCTOR Ron Paul to save you! (Although that does raise the question of "from whom or what? Jezus?")

  20. valthemus

    I wanted more GOP scuffles, I got more GOP scuffles. What should I ask for next?

    HEY! GOP! Disband immediately and front no more candidates!

    (Let's see how this goes. We know they read this.)

    1. actor212

      Also, take all the green pieces of paper out of your overlords' wallets and put them in an envelope addressed to Actor212, Third Water Pipe, Behind Men's Washroom, Grand Central Station, NY

      And make sure you put all the stamps you have on the envelope! We don't want it going to the government. They don't know what to do with all that paper.

  21. MittBorg

    Yay, Kirsten! DO it to me, baby! Do it to me with your "amoral jewelry-debt piglets" of additions to the Wonkettictionary!

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Silly Paultards. The proper way to steal an election is to gain control of the process, and they get rid of any person that might vote against you because their name is "foreign" sounding.

    You must learn from Karl Rove before you defeat him.

  23. GeorgiaBurning

    Save it for Tampa, paultards. We'll have network coverage there. You-tube just doesn't do it.

  24. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Guys, haven't we learned our lesson by now? It's not nice to make fun of the mentally challenged. That could be any one of us up there four years from now after a stroke, psychotic break or some kind of massive head trauma.

  25. OneYieldRegular

    I must say, Ron Paul is doing a spectacular job of demonstrating his sterling leadership skills.

    1. Negropolis

      Comment of the Week.


      And, Rand Paul is the salvia/K2 of American politics.

      1. Sassomatic

        I'm putting that shit on my resume. Not my real resume–my bartender resume. Which I only give to jackasses that want a resume for low-rent bartending gigs in New Orleans.

  26. GhostBuggy

    I'll cry for these assholes when they start getting tear gas canisters shot into their skulls. You know, the kindness typically reserved for war vets.

    1. Hoisted_Peatard

      Yeah no shit…these are the same kind of people who wore those purple heart bandaids in 2004 and thought they were SO FUNNY to mock a war vets injuries while supporting an AWOL drunk. They also laughed at videos of Occupiers being maced and tear gassed and the kid who took a canister to the melon who happened to be a returned vet (or as Limpballs the draft dodger calls them: "phoney soldiers", not real ones like Nuge). They merely get stopped from launching a coup because their loser candidate can't get inbred idiots to vote for him and treat it like they were suffering the worst oppression ever…fuck you, Paultards. I'm glad that teabaggers took umbrage at being compared to Occupiers because after all, teabaggers are a corporate brand who's activism amounted to the revolutionary version of a politicized "Coke v. Pepsi" competition (both in the genuine expression of activism and level of spontenaity) while Occupiers put their bodies and freedom on the line to express their political view point. SO, in closing fuck you, Paultards and double fuck you, Teabaggers…oh and triple fuck you, Romney-bot 900000000 just for good measure.

  27. poorgradstudent

    To be fair, they were provoked when someone started burning a bunch of Terry Brooks novels.

  28. NYNYNYjr

    Kirsten, you beautiful wonk, please stop using the offensive term "Paultard." When my daughter was born she was diagnosed with developmental disabilities and by age 4 she was already showing signs of supporting the ideas of Ron Paul. I gave her to a nice family in Texas and told them never to let her contact me. That term always brings back memories of that painful time.

    1. ttommyunger

      Booze always worked for me; and much easier than trying to stifle a woman, also, too…

  29. ttommyunger

    Who in the world would actually support Ron or his mouth-breathing offspring? Oh, right; Texans, Kentuckians and Bayou Butt-Fuckers.

  30. Hoisted_Peatard

    You know, it really doesn't surprise me that the Paultard legions are rioting…I mean, their idiot is SO MUCH different than a garden variety rightwing douchebag GOP goober…oh, you mean other than not being a neocon he's exactly the same? No WAYYYYY! He's the lord of Paultardia! WAAAAHHHHHHHH! (turns chair around).

    I love the radical turning around of the chairs…that'll learn 'em! If you can't have a convention without a bunch of rotten-cheese smelling flabby, profusely sweating Paultards then what's the point of having a convention at all? By the way…it's good they didn't cancel the convention as many Paultards had to wait 2-3 hours before mom or dad would swing by to pick them up. The old saying "idle Paultards are the devils buffet" is true in all situations…

  31. TribecaMike

    Did Luis Bunuel shoot that first video? 3/4 of it is shoes. Basic cinematography classes should be mandatory from grades K-12.

  32. lulzmonger

    Lo, a great tide of WATB butthurt riseth upon the heartland …

    Upside for teh RNC: odds are this FUBAR will only cost them 1-2%.
    Downside: 2% is a brutal blow in a close election.

    Paultard Chair-Turners, unite!
    You have nothing to lose but a good view of the stage!

  33. Negropolis

    You forgot to add "Home Edition" on to "Extreme Delegate Apportionment."

    Short chairman: Fuck it! We'll do it live!

  34. Negropolis

    Yo, LA GOP covention, Imma let you finish, but the Taiwanese Legislative Yuan has the best fights ever.

  35. Dildeaux

    More evidence of Obama's goon squads hauling away innocent patriots!!1!

    If Obama werent such a tyrant, then the litards would'nt have to be so like cranky and beligerent. The yoke of freedomz weighs heavy on the backs of the true patriots.

    Also, too: SHEEPLE!!1!

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