Paultards: putting the 'blood' back in political bloodsport.

Hello and welcome to the latest episode of Extreme Delegate Apportionment brought to you by America’s disgruntled old Paultard contingent. These political bloodsport fanatics spent the weekend screaming and flinging themselves about at the Louisiana GOP’s state convention after party leaders sought to thwart the Paultards’ hostile convention takeover and RNC delegate pilfering scheme. (This is their thing now, at many state conventions.) There were arrests! And dislocated hips! Watch the chaos, after the jump.

Here is the short version of what happened: Ron Paul supporters showed up in force to try to claim most of the contestable delegates at the convention despite their candidate’s fourth place finish in the state’s primary, the Louisiana GOP chairman told them to grow up, and they responded by seceding from the convention, turning their chairs around and starting their own club. Then this ReLOVEutionary got his fingers broke, or something, as he was being arrested:

But wait, it’s still raining angry Paultards! Here is Round Two, starring some other guy screaming about his hip being dislocated as he too was arrested. This is his own personal Battle of Thermopylae:

And now we will take a moment to appreciate how Ron Paul, alleged human incarnation of the Constitution, has lately abandoned the tyranny of democracy in favor of sending marauding bands of feverish supporters to steal delegates rightfully earned by candidates who managed to win actual elections, just as the Founding Fathers intended, The End. [Raw Story]

Donate with CCDonate with CC
  • Oooh, they turned their chairs around!

    How revolutionary!

    • Naked_Bunny


      • bflrtsplk

        If they only turned their chair to face backwards it`s not a full revolution, only a half an orbit.

        • Naked_Bunny

          Now is the autumn of their discontent.

    • sullivanst

      What you did? I see it.

      • I was trying to work the 'tard angle, but as first commenter I felt an obligation to get it out there quickly.

    • Callyson

      To the considerable relief of the panelists on that stage, I'm sure…

      • I'm thinking that might have been mutually beneficial.

    • 12X34X

      Like disgruntled house cats who want you to know that they are ignoring you.

      • Yes, they do that "I don't see you, therefore I can't hear you, and I am pointing my ears backwards to show that I'm ignoring you" routine.

    • coolhandnuke

      And Atlas shrugged.

    • Terry

      Little did they realize that they were rotating rather than engaging in revolution.

    • neiltheblaze

      I'll bet they did it counterclockwise too. Just to be edgy.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I hope this is a portent of things to come, for Tampa. It's gonna make the 1968 Chicago convention look like a kindergarten recess!!!

    • Exhausted66

      With guns!

      • And not just the cops!

      • OkieDokieDog

        Stand your ground, Paultards!

    • nounverb911

      Paging Mayor Daley! Paging Mayor Daley!

      • Oh, your brother's bound and gagged
        And they've chained him to a chair
        Won't you please come to Tampa
        Just to see …

      • I think this gang could preserve disorder on their own without any help from the police!

      • Negropolis

        Generalissimo Daley is still dead.

    • qwerty42

      Needz moar blimp. That will assure victory.

      • HogeyeGrex

        Chris Christie is his running mate?

    • DonnyKerabotsos

      The whole world's not watching!! The whole world's not watching!!

      • I hate to be such a fucking downer, but the whole world is too busy laughing its fucking ass off to DO anything.

    • 'Cause, you know, they're bringin' their guns, oh yesss sirree! And Gov. Rick "Felonious" Scott won't supercede the city's weapons statutes to permit gun control, oh, no, ho, ho!

      Anybody work in the ER in Tampa? Bet you could sell photos.

      • sullivanst

        And Gov. Rick "Felonious" Scott won't supercede the city's weapons statutes to permit gun control, oh, no, ho, ho!

        I thought Tampa was quite desirous of putting in place some commonsense gun control for the duration of the convention, it was more that Florida state law comprehensively preempts localities from doing so and neither Felonious nor the state leg is able to get their heads out their asses long enough to address the bloodbath possibilities.

        • You're correct, Florida state laws do not permit gun control, and the City of Tampa had begged Rick Scott to intervene and permit them to ensure that only police could carry guns at the convention because they can see what's coming down the road if every attendee might well be carrying a gun. Someone with a replacement hip who didn't want to be tossed or have their fingers broken might start a bloodbath. It's gonna be te most exciting election ever.

      • Doesn't Felonious own a few ER's in Tampa?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      It's a pity the weather in Tampa will be too hot for the Paultards to wear their special "Ron Paul 2012" hoodies.

    • Terry

      I'm hoping to see cow catchers on the front of a few Rascal scooters.

  • nounverb911

    Wasn't this the plot to "Two Minute Warning"?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if the broke-fingers dude or the replaced-dislocated hip dude have Medicare. For the irony.

    • If they don't, they'll sure as hell wish they did. Replacing a damaged hip prosthesis is expensive, painful, and time-consuming. A second replacement means a lower likelihood of success, as well.

  • JustPixelz

    " Louisiana GOP chairman told them to grow up"

    "And move out of your parent's basements" he added with a Shatner tone in his voice.

  • kingofmeh

    y'all thought that revolution stuff was just a metaphor, huh? they regret they have but two hips to give for their nation.

    • They'll be giving a lot more before this battle is over — teeth, bones, hair. We're talking Republicans here. The Paultards should be grateful they weren't in the mood for a little brunchtime face-nomming.

  • nounverb911

    Was someone fapping in the first video?

    • The cameraman, if the quality is any indication

    • MissTaken

      Who WASN'T fapping in the first video?

    • cheetojeebus

      I tried to watch this over the weekend-don't ask How I came across it! oh the shaking, I'm still felling queasy.

  • OkieDokieDog


    Especially for the injured.

  • hagajim

    Occupy Assholeville.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Stealing elections from the people who steal elections — well, I know who I'm rooting for — the spineless Democrats who will refuse to notice this discord out of politeness.

    • There are times when I wish I could line up all the politicians in the Democratic Party and kick some spine right up their asses.

      Nancy Pelosi, Pat Leahy, Henry Waxman, Barbara Lee, Pete Stark, and a few others excepted, since they already have spine.

      • MissNancyPriss

        Nancy has a spine.

  • Barb

    Looks like Tardi Gras season in Louisiana.

    Flashes breasties: hey mister, throw me some beads!

    • nounverb911

      Mazel Tov Grannie! When did the baby come? I took the weekend off.

      • Barb

        Thanks! He arrived right before noon. I already ordered him a Georgia Tech jersey and I am looking for a Boston college jersey to honor his dad's colleges.

        • nounverb911

          Wait, he's an hour and nineteen minutes and already on the internet? Should live-blogged the birth.

          (PS. Get him a shirt from the Varsity)

          • Barb

            "What'll ya have, what'll ya have?" I love the Varsity.

          • nounverb911

            The last time I was at the Varsity, I got heartburn.

        • ThundercatHo

          He is beautiful. Blessings to you and yours.

          • Barb

            Thank you Thunder, love to you and yours.

    • MissTaken


      • Kinda….limp and wrinkly….

    • JustPixelz

      I see a new avatar! As a non-stalker, I can only assume that is your grandchild. A girl I also assume. Let's call her Barb-E. Her avatar can be a bottle so she'll fit in around here.


      • Barb

        That is my Grandson, Mitchell Anderson.
        Thanks for the well wishes.

    • It's mostly moobs so beads are banned.

    • TootsStansbury

      Awww! Cute new babby! Is this your first Grand-baby? They're so sweet like candy nom noms.

      • Barb

        Thanks! I'm already a grandmother. My other daughter is about to have her baby too, lol. I will have one pink one and one blue one after Cricket has her daughter.

        • OldWhiteLies

          Cheers, here's to jammeez with feeteez.

          • Barb

            Thanks OWL. I need to finish my knitting projects and get to Fed Ex.

        • PubOption

          Don't mention Cricket to Jason Alexander.

    • I see your little grandson is here. Congratulations!

      • Barb


    • George Skullfry

      Congratulations, gramma (I'll never say that again).

      I hope everything is still well regarding the Longest Delivery in History.

      • Barb

        Thanks, George!

  • This is his own personal Battle of Thermopylae

    This! Is! SPORK-A!

  • memzilla

    For some reason, I look at these videos and can't get the Monty Python theme out of my head.

    No One Expects the Ron Paul ReLOVEution!

    • noodlesalad

      Bring out……the backwards chair!!!!

      • sullivanst

        "Have you got all the Robert's Rules of Order up one end?"

    • Estproph

      And here I was going with Yakkity Sax…

  • fartknocker

    Huey P. Long would be so proud.

    • nounverb911

      So would Willie Stark.

    • Sassomatic

      Huey P Long would force these idiots to eat their own testicles.

    • Negropolis

      He'd then have them all hanged on the capitol steps for treason.

      • fartknocker

        You are correct. What a collective bunch of shit for brains. Which reminds me, the editorix needs to bring the shit for brains graphic back into play.

        I hope all is well for you.

  • JustPixelz

    Can't wait for Tampa. There will be so many chairs to turn around.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Just how soft is the soil in Florida? I'm only thinking of the geological implication of so many Ron Paul devotees turning their chairs around at once, for science.

  • Come here a minute

    Next phase is carpetbombing with blimps. Watch out Louisiana.

    • Not a problem: Louisianans will lie end to end and create the world's largest bounce castle. Bombs come down, bombs bounce up, you can't explain that.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ But if you go carrying pictures of Congressman Paul
    You ain't going to make it with anyone at all
    Don't you know it's gonna be all white ♪

    • (Carefully pins Gold Star on Baldar)

  • Pfft. Medicare recipients fighting over who gets to destroy teh governments first.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    This reminds me of how fun politics used to be in the 19th century.

    In fact, much of what the Republicans are doing reminds me of the 19th century…

  • TootsStansbury

    But was anyone hit with pepper spray?

    • nounverb911

      They use Tabasco in Louisiana.

      • OK, so we'll have to up the ante: mustard gas.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Looks like those constipated old farts could do with some extra vegetable products – sort of like a more exciting form of Metamucil

      • Me likey, Yasser. Better check the prevailing winds that day. We don't want any to escape.

        Although, come to think of it, once you get really old, you're kind of a walking collection of bad smells, so, would they even notice. (I can say this – I R an Official Oldz.)

    • Baconzgood

      They wern't brown or liberal kids.

  • LastGasp

    It won't be a real GOP convention dispute until someone is gunned down and the gunshot victim is called a Communist.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Only people with guns are allowed to stand their ground.

    • Well, in that case, I fervently hope the victim is James O'Keefe.

      Wut? He would be PERFECT to be slandered as a Commie.

  • Goonemeritus

    Doctor Ron Paul has clearly wrapped this nomination up and only GOP shenanigans prevent the world from crowning him dear leader for life of the known Universe. His followers need to step it up might I suggest holding their breath until the GOP finally gives in.

  • Baconzgood

    Jermey lost the moose? What the fuck does that mean?

    • Watch the second one with Closed Captioning on. It's a hoot! "Cambodian catechism catholics cannot"

      *wipes tear of abject hysteria*

      • TootsStansbury

        That is some funny shit. "Here's the pot." among much other hilarity in there.

    • TootsStansbury

      I was thinking Cherry Blossom Float but yours makes more sense.

    • Jeremy spoke in class today, apparently, and he goes to school in Alaska

  • Crank_Tango

    Needs moar concealed carry.

    • Boojum

      Neds moar open container.

  • Baconzgood

    That's the weirdest Seinfeld episode I've ever seen.

  • savethispatient

    GOP Delegate: I am your delegate.
    Paulite: Well, I didn't vote for you.
    GOP: But more people voted for me than your guy.
    Paulite: Well, how'd you become delegate, then?
    GOP: The Lady of the Super PAC, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft wads of cash from the bosom of the Kochs, signifying by divine providence that I was to be a delegate for Romney. That is why I am your delegate. Also, completely independent of that, Romney got more votes.
    Paulite: Listen. Strange PACs lying with Kochs, distributing wads of cash is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
    GOP: Be quiet! I got more votes! I have a mandate!
    Paulite: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some Koch tart threw cash at you!
    GOP: Shut up! Will you shut up?! I got more votes!
    Paulite: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system!
    GOP: [shakes Paulite] Shut up!
    Paulite: Oh! Sheeple! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I'm being repressed!
    GOP: Bloody Peasant!

    … and scene

    • Baconzgood

      There's some lovely filth down her Dennis.

    • Dennis the Peasant.

    • ttommyunger

      I remember it being a watery tart and a slimy Koch.

  • It's the Paultard Putsch!

  • Estproph

    The revolution will not be forced to grow up.

  • decay500

    Children of the Paul…

    • HogeyeGrex

      Children of a Lesser Paul, by the look of them.

    • Nostrildamus

      … are a-Pauling.

  • Naked_Bunny

    This is how libertarians are expected to behave when the rules don't work in their favor. It's called the Free Market, commie.

  • Boojum

    My favorite is the guy yelling, "I have a handicap! I have a handicap!"

    True, but the Wonkette Rules of Commenting forbid us from discussing it.

  • Baconzgood

    I call bull shit on that hip whiner. Fuckin douche bag Sid Bream slid into home to knock the Bucs out of the Series in '92 with a fake hip, this tit head didn't knock it outta wack yelling about Ron Paul.

    • Oh, Baconz, Baconz, Baconz. Sid Bream was an athlete with a pretty solid foundation of muscle that probably kept him from injuring himself when he slid inta home that way. When you're a doughy fatass like this guy, and you have a fake body part, your muscles do not believe they should have to cooperate with your bones in keeping you pain-free. Trust me on this. That lardbag is fatter and more out of shape than I am, but I still sympathize. (Also, interesting aside: AFTER you've injured yourself, it's very difficult to exercise due to pain. The less you exercise, the more muscle tone you lose, especially if you're over 45. Can't win for losing.)

      • Baconzgood

        I stand by my Sid Bream is a douche bag comment.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I'll call bullshit on the hip-whiner too. The first time I did the Seattle to Portland ride I did it with an artificial leg and a broken wrist. Fucking libertarian douchebag weaklings.

    • Hoisted_Peatard

      That's an impressive command of memory there….I didn't know Sid Bream had a fake hip when that happened….in fact, I'd forgotten all about it. Not to salt wounds or anything…but that's like the last time the Buccos made the playoffs, right? I mean…they haven't had more than one or two winning seasons since. So I can totally understand why you'd keep that as such a prized memory…Yankees fans probably have individual games where their team got knocked out…but then again they go to the playoffs almost every year so they'd just forget about it the following year when they go back. Haha, I'm just ribbing you, I've been forced to adopt the Mariners as my team (that is until Magic bought the Dodgers making them not owned by RWN douchebags of mass destruction) and well, we suck. But I mean…Pirates fans at least can still pick on Royals fans for being worse…and Cub fans too since they have Ricketts as an owner….so, not so bad…

  • niblick77

    Our founding fathers did not ask to be release from England with polite words why should Ron Paul? Oh, yeah, civilization. Never mind!

  • sullivanst

    Paultard videographers appear to be remarkably adept at recording zero evidence of wrongdoing by police and/or anyone else who isn't a Paultard. Anyone else notice how the camera is pointing at the exact moment the first guy screams out? A previous video allegedly capturing an assault at a GOP convention in another state also mysteriously managed to be pointing the wrong way at the critical moment.

    Apparently Shreveport police are vastly more tolerant of being filmed than most American police forces, and probably more patient than average in dealing with removing uncooperative individuals (c.f., for example, "don't tase me bro")

    • HogeyeGrex

      I suspect they'd be a bit less tolerant and patient if this had been an Occupy rally.

      It is kind of a shame that these turds didn't get to experience the full spectrum of police state-iness they so desire to lay upon the rest of us.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    The second video has Closed Captioning .

    including: " Rebeca punitive damages and button"

  • Fare la Volpe

    The GOP eating their own — and here I thought we were done with cannibalism stories for the week.

    • nounverb911

      Needs more ketchup.

  • Baconzgood

    "I need a DR. Jesus Ron Paul save me!!"

    • You need a Jezus, Bacon, and you want DOCTOR Ron Paul to save you! (Although that does raise the question of "from whom or what? Jezus?")

  • I wanted more GOP scuffles, I got more GOP scuffles. What should I ask for next?

    HEY! GOP! Disband immediately and front no more candidates!

    (Let's see how this goes. We know they read this.)

    • Also, take all the green pieces of paper out of your overlords' wallets and put them in an envelope addressed to Actor212, Third Water Pipe, Behind Men's Washroom, Grand Central Station, NY

      And make sure you put all the stamps you have on the envelope! We don't want it going to the government. They don't know what to do with all that paper.

    • Wow. And I thought *I* had power.

  • cheetojeebus

    I'm assuming they'll nail the chairs down in Tampa.

  • Yay, Kirsten! DO it to me, baby! Do it to me with your "amoral jewelry-debt piglets" of additions to the Wonkettictionary!

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Silly Paultards. The proper way to steal an election is to gain control of the process, and they get rid of any person that might vote against you because their name is "foreign" sounding.

    You must learn from Karl Rove before you defeat him.

  • Wadisay


  • Callyson

    So, is it official that "Paultarded" can replace the banned R – word?

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Save it for Tampa, paultards. We'll have network coverage there. You-tube just doesn't do it.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Guys, haven't we learned our lesson by now? It's not nice to make fun of the mentally challenged. That could be any one of us up there four years from now after a stroke, psychotic break or some kind of massive head trauma.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Why can't they just buy off some judges like normal republicans?

  • OneYieldRegular

    I must say, Ron Paul is doing a spectacular job of demonstrating his sterling leadership skills.

  • Sassomatic

    Ron Paul is the bath salts of American politics, apparently.

    • Negropolis

      Comment of the Week.


      And, Rand Paul is the salvia/K2 of American politics.

      • Sassomatic

        I'm putting that shit on my resume. Not my real resume–my bartender resume. Which I only give to jackasses that want a resume for low-rent bartending gigs in New Orleans.

  • Guppy

    Looking forward to the December '12 Paultard Riots when the electors meet.

  • GhostBuggy

    I'll cry for these assholes when they start getting tear gas canisters shot into their skulls. You know, the kindness typically reserved for war vets.

    • Hoisted_Peatard

      Yeah no shit…these are the same kind of people who wore those purple heart bandaids in 2004 and thought they were SO FUNNY to mock a war vets injuries while supporting an AWOL drunk. They also laughed at videos of Occupiers being maced and tear gassed and the kid who took a canister to the melon who happened to be a returned vet (or as Limpballs the draft dodger calls them: "phoney soldiers", not real ones like Nuge). They merely get stopped from launching a coup because their loser candidate can't get inbred idiots to vote for him and treat it like they were suffering the worst oppression ever…fuck you, Paultards. I'm glad that teabaggers took umbrage at being compared to Occupiers because after all, teabaggers are a corporate brand who's activism amounted to the revolutionary version of a politicized "Coke v. Pepsi" competition (both in the genuine expression of activism and level of spontenaity) while Occupiers put their bodies and freedom on the line to express their political view point. SO, in closing fuck you, Paultards and double fuck you, Teabaggers…oh and triple fuck you, Romney-bot 900000000 just for good measure.

    • His wittle fingers gowt hurt.. boo hooo..

  • poorgradstudent

    To be fair, they were provoked when someone started burning a bunch of Terry Brooks novels.

  • ChrisM2011

    "We do not sow!"

  • NYNYNYjr

    Kirsten, you beautiful wonk, please stop using the offensive term "Paultard." When my daughter was born she was diagnosed with developmental disabilities and by age 4 she was already showing signs of supporting the ideas of Ron Paul. I gave her to a nice family in Texas and told them never to let her contact me. That term always brings back memories of that painful time.

    • ttommyunger

      Booze always worked for me; and much easier than trying to stifle a woman, also, too…

  • ttommyunger

    Who in the world would actually support Ron or his mouth-breathing offspring? Oh, right; Texans, Kentuckians and Bayou Butt-Fuckers.

  • Hoisted_Peatard

    You know, it really doesn't surprise me that the Paultard legions are rioting…I mean, their idiot is SO MUCH different than a garden variety rightwing douchebag GOP goober…oh, you mean other than not being a neocon he's exactly the same? No WAYYYYY! He's the lord of Paultardia! WAAAAHHHHHHHH! (turns chair around).

    I love the radical turning around of the chairs…that'll learn 'em! If you can't have a convention without a bunch of rotten-cheese smelling flabby, profusely sweating Paultards then what's the point of having a convention at all? By the way…it's good they didn't cancel the convention as many Paultards had to wait 2-3 hours before mom or dad would swing by to pick them up. The old saying "idle Paultards are the devils buffet" is true in all situations…

  • owhatever

    First they came for the Paultards and I said "High damn time."

  • neiltheblaze

    Well, if you leave your hoverround at home, you can throw a hip. Just sayin'.

  • TribecaMike

    Did Luis Bunuel shoot that first video? 3/4 of it is shoes. Basic cinematography classes should be mandatory from grades K-12.

  • What happens when you mix Olds with 100+ degree heat, bath salts and Ron Paul Love.

  • lulzmonger

    Lo, a great tide of WATB butthurt riseth upon the heartland …

    Upside for teh RNC: odds are this FUBAR will only cost them 1-2%.
    Downside: 2% is a brutal blow in a close election.

    Paultard Chair-Turners, unite!
    You have nothing to lose but a good view of the stage!

  • Negropolis

    You forgot to add "Home Edition" on to "Extreme Delegate Apportionment."

    Short chairman: Fuck it! We'll do it live!

  • Negropolis

    Yo, LA GOP covention, Imma let you finish, but the Taiwanese Legislative Yuan has the best fights ever.

  • Negropolis

    Hell, must we choose?

  • Dildeaux

    More evidence of Obama's goon squads hauling away innocent patriots!!1!

    If Obama werent such a tyrant, then the litards would'nt have to be so like cranky and beligerent. The yoke of freedomz weighs heavy on the backs of the true patriots.

    Also, too: SHEEPLE!!1!

Previous articleHouse Urinal Explodes: All House Reporters Soaked In Piss, Hopefully
Next articleEPA Drones Terrorizing Ranchers Because the EPA Hates the Heartland