This morning, let’s learn about how food is turning robotic, Facebook is turning us into addicts, and the economy is turning us European. I’m pretty sure exactly none of those things would make sense a hundred years ago.- There’s a bunch of new ways that food is becoming bigger and better using robots and labs and special farms. What I want to know is when will they get food to look as good as it does in the commercials? [Slate]
- Here is a survey to detect whether or not you are addicted to Facebook. Post it on Facebook for the highest amount of likes and comments to validate yourself as a person! [The Atlantic]
- According to this article, Americans are becoming more European as we get less and less optimistic about our future. This explains so much when it comes to the difference between the American and British versions of The Office. [The Daily Beast]
- Your word selection matters when it comes to how the brain takes information in. Obviously, that’s why we pay J.K. Rowling the big bucks! Time to pre-order her next book! [Salon]
- And finally, Wonkette wants you to ask us questions on Tumblr! Do it. Do it now or forever hold your peace.
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The MittBott 3000 can cook?
Well… no, but it has a built in replicator. Almost the same thing; if you don't mind the slight taste of ozone.
Tea, Earl Grey, hot.
It can hire people to cook. And then fire them.
And then make jokes about it.
Robots, labs and special farms?
Do we still get to keep the Messicans to pick the crops?
What did you have in mind for them?
Yes, yes you do.
And Europeans [the Brit variety] can still keep their Bangladeshis to pick the crops and run newsagents shops. They're an ambitious people.
I think we should train Teatards to pick the crops. Two Ameros an hour and all the Cheetos™ they can eat. I know, I know, their hands are as soft as a baby's ass and their bellies so large they could never see the strawberries or whatever. Maybe rig-up some heavy-duty scooter boards like mechanics use to go under cars but with off-the-road tires? Then we can train the Messicans to be physicists and heart surgeons, they're smarter and harder working than the Teatards anyhoo.
Your word selection matters when it comes to how the brain takes information in.
I think my word is, Fuck.
As in 'Fuck Facebook…. and the horse it rode in on.' Does this make me a bad person, that doesn't get 'Liked'?
I select "fuck" early and often. It is my go-too word to select. Fuck yeah! Fucking-A, motherfuckers.
Sluggo! I hope you had a nice weekend!
Wonkette wants you to ask us questions on Tumblr!
What's your cup size?
Why do people smoke after sex?
Friction, of course. I recommend a lubricant, only just nothing that can catch fire.
I think the latest version of the MIttbot has a self-oiling system.
Except he's not anatomically correct
See the picture at top? What's that, A or AA?
Y'know, it's hard to say. They could be….restrained….
MMmmmmmm….be in my bunk!
wants you to ask us questions on Tumblr!
Dear Wonkette — Can you help me establish the diff between "Armageddon"* and "Apocalypse," I think LaHaye's Left Behind series has conflated my sense of a militaristic showdown and the befabled "End of Days" from that biblical Book of Relevation. Oh while you're at it, help me remember when to say "relevate" and when to use "revelate"? Maybe you could offer me a sentence to use it in, for practice.
* I keep referring to last spring's "Wonkmageddon" when I really mean "Wonkapacolypse." Or don't I?..
I remain a Scrabble® addict when it concerns the actual board game with carbon humans, but confess to FB "Words with Friends" Fatigue.
Or rather — Angry
BirdsWords-w/-Friends-Partners'-Needling-Updates("It's your turn!")-Burnout.Why do I go to Wonkette to see pictures of toothless Chris Christie with a caption that says "Pigs deserve to turn around." Is he getting a new toilet for his bus sized Towncar?
Americans are becoming more European as we get less and less optimistic about our future.
Well, Nihilist Existentialism *was* a French thing…
According to this article, Americans are becoming more European
Today we are all taking long vacations and not bathing.
Mostly because we're unemployed and they shut off our water.
Whats a fucking Tumblr?
It's another facebookian waste of time?
Fucking Facebook without all those fucking friends.
Not to be a size queen and all, but I have a huge one! I drink iced tea out of it in the summertimez.
Its for all the wallflowers of Facebook who never got a second look.
What I drink my scotch out of?
The bottle?
Oh, what YOU drink it out of….?
Yes, me and my fancy, high faluting ways.
A good place to see boobies.
Do pigs REALLY deserve to turn around?
Sometimes Chris Christie likes to see who he's stepped on.
Real ones do. The humans we consider pigs e.g. Christie usually have people to hold mirrors so they can see behind them (and for checking to make sure the aides properly clean the various nooks and crannies around the ay! hole).
I told her to keep facing forward so I could keep my fantasy going
I'd ask you questions on Tumblr if I had any clue what the fuck a Tumblr is.
Yet another blogger site that never really caught on. It was initially adopted by hipsters/artsy types but quickly got taken over stupid internet memes(like this one) and porn.
AHHHH! That's that fucking dweeb that the lil' lady sais I look like. I hate him.
Are you kidding? It is THE place to go for pics of Kim Jong Il looking at things (Dear Leader may be looking at eternity now, but there's still an archive of things he looked at in this world).
Outside of the DPRK press, I mean.
I think it's like a Facebook but with more pictures and less 'e's.
Is it filled with people rambling on about their babies under the delusion that the rest of us care about their stupid babies too?
The only thing I've ever seen on Tumblr is porn. Er, uh… I mean, I've heard that there is porn on Tumblr.
Wait….porn?
Europeans get ten weeks off a year. When they start a mothafuckin' jawb. Yes please! (I'm much more optimistic about the future now).
I had that same argument with my boss, that my salary has stagnated for a decade and that maybe if there was some alternate form of compensation, I'd spend less time on teh Wonkette and more time getting my work done faster, better, stronger, then mentioned, "Y'know, my British counterpart gets eight weeks' vacation and his healthcare is fully covered…"
Answer: "Well, move to soshalist Britain then".
I can't get to Tumblr at work. Why can't I ask Wonkette questions here at Wonkette?
Did you there, see I did.
according to wiki, Tumblers are flat-bottomed drinking glasses.
Another reason to be happy that no more Breitbart websites will be coming: Big Food.
He tried, but he ate it
Hey I get it. He ate it and was so full he had to go take a nap.
In the dirt!
This is your brain on Europe. Any questions?
I can haz health care now?
I don't like face book. It cuts into my porn time.
"Do it now or forever hold your
peacepiece."Breaking: Daily Beast Denies Existence Of Atlantic Ocean, Fails Geography
I wish we could become more European in the sense that we have national health care and live longer and are generally happier.
And speak better English.
Maybe when the diabeetus takes away all the fatties, we'll be able to accomplish all that?
Dammit, I asked for my brain on drugs to be scrambled, not fried.
My brain gets fried, but my mind is honey-roasted.
I always get an extra side of bacon with my brain.
My brain is more of a tofu scramble with kale.
Mmmm…Red Star Nutritional Yeast…
You have about as much chance of getting me to signup for Tumblr as you would trying to get me to belt sand my nipples off.
You make that sound like a bad thing.
Yeah, I'm old school, too. I like to sand them by hand.
You’re a person of ‘True Grit.’
Coarse, not medium or fine.
European-like nonchalance regarding extramarital sexing will be coming when? Coupled please with a Holland-like, Amsterdam-y view as to the harmlessness of hash?
This afternoon between cinq à sept, mais oui!
Damn – that's just when game three of the Cup playoffs is on over here on the LeftCoast.
Hmm. What to do, what to do.
Wait – there has to be another showing of the Nonchalance & Hash pilot – right? Ooooh, I just realised I can download it from Amz for $2.99 plus tax! No worries then.
We don't have to watch that faggy soccer shit, though, do we?
It's better with dope.
Rill Amurkins get bored by NASCAR and baseball.
Ou est la partie?
and the economy is turning us European?
I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so
Tumblr sounds like a circus act with people who can't spell or who are allergic to vowels. Is it really the web site of the Republican party?
What if the j-o-b requires me to utilize Facebook 24/7? It's not so much addiction as it is the desire to get paid.
My teenage daughter wants your job.
your job sounds like hell.
That Slate article — Jesus fucking Christ. After seeing the heading "Lab Burgers" I was tempted to grab an axe, my cats and my cast-iron skillet and just head for the fuckin' hills. Can't say I won't yet, either.
Do NOT eat the cats.
The cats are safe — it's the feral tofu, and enough trees to build a crude shelter, that need to worry.
Oooh, another social media phenomenon that will take relatively small portions of the population by storm!
Do it now or forever hold your
peacepees…I'm always holding my piece.
Do it. Do it now
Speaking only for myself and I mean this is in the nicest possible way but I really believe strongly that you should go eat a bag of lightly salted wooly rat dicks and then find some attractive person to paddle your ass with a hairbrush for ten or fifteen minutes (no safe word) and, oh, by the way, Do it. Do it now
Bless your heart….
Tumblr?
I went. I looked. I saw.
Won't need to do it again.
Facebook, twitter, tumblr….
Gah!
Am I the only person on the planet that likes Facebook?
No, there is some 1% guy named Zuckerberg that's right there with you. You should meet him, I know he knows all about you.
Complete and total win.
I like Facebook. I just don't like the people on Facebook.
I don't like people who don't really understand what it is or how to use it, and then complain that it has all the information they willingly gave it.
Agreed.
I liked Facebook well enough to sign up up one night (while drinking) and send out a zillion friend requests. Since then I haven't been able to log on, despite several attempts at password recovery.
So at least I can say that I'm not wasting all my time on Facebook.
My wonkette on Tumblr– I thought Tumblr was just another great porn delivery site. Can't wait until the reblogging to fuckyeahhotlesbians starts.
According to this article, Americans are becoming more European as we get less and less optimistic about our future.
So I have four weeks of paid vacation time now?
delicious cheese and wine, also too.
"Pigs" is in turnaround.
I don't want to be European. Their bars suck.
"Do it now or forever hold your peace"
Did you mean "Do it now or forever hold your penis"?
Cuz I would totally do that, if I had a penis.
I'd hammer in the morning,
I'd hammer in the evening,
All over this land.
The only peas I know are Wasabi…
Heh, heh, you said urapee'n, heh, heh….
Americans are becoming more European as we get less and less optimistic about our future…
obama's fault obv.
actor, you are right! I think I corn-fused Tumblr and Flicker, or whatever it is.
Ok, then, so wtf is Tumblr?!
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