HELL  12:32 pm June 3, 2012

Here Is A Painting Of Ghost Andrew Breitbart As A Nordic Knight

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

BEHAAAAAVE YOURSELVES!

Patriot Depot, supplies for the conservative revolution, has what you crave, and that is seven different versions of this amazing portrait of Ghost Andrew Breitbart titled Fight. You could buy it in a pack of post cards; you could buy a giclee print; you could buy a $49.95 version, or a $3,999.95 version, because $4000 would just be a silly price to pay for this, but $3,999.95 is a steal!

In a previous life, your Editrix spent 12 years as an actual art critic, the kind who never didn’t have a shiv in her pencase and a sneer upon her face. But she always had room in her heart for art atrocities of the naif tradition — Slate pitches taking the form of art reviews, if you will — and this work by David Bugnon is the kind of masterpiece of Outsider art, a veritable holocaust-tsunami of bad taste, for which she would have #warred all those other stupid art critics who were too busy fawning over Richard Diebenkorn or some other AbEx total crap (and 50 years too late) to understand the beauty of a work like Fight. Look at the loving attention paid to the contours of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s fat face! Look at the fanboy comic-geek detail on that super-bitchen sword and armor! Look at the improperly foreshortened arm, which would have left Ghost Andrew Breitbart with little 18-inch-long stub arms that couldn’t have even reached his pockets! Look at those steely dreamy sexboat eyes, undressing you out of your altarboy cassock! The only problem with Fight that we can possibly see is that David Bugnon got Hell’s lighting wrong.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 701 comments }

Barb June 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Patriot Depot? It's like Home Depot, but for patriots.

Sarah Palin can buy this and hang it next to her velvet painting of the Virgin Mary, holding the baby Elvis.

Jus_Wonderin June 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm

She'd probably want a discount because, of course, she is….Sarah Palin.

Biff June 4, 2012 at 9:46 am

Or just send in Pillow or Wiper to shoplift it.

Rotundo_ June 3, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Endless rows of pallet racking (in bright red instead of orange-natch) filled with boxes of reich wing chotchkes and pallets upon pallets of regnery and other publishing house remainders that couldn't move in the dollar stores. Lots of portraits of Ronald Reagan in similar motif. Pictures of Al Gore and Streisand in the urinals for the conservatards entertainment. Workshops for homosexuality conversion in the back, Sarah Palin's gently used frocks in the front. Rush Limbaugh guide to Dominican rental children in the travel section. Nugent's Archery supplies, Wayne LaPierre gunsmithing section, you could go on, and probably make a shitload of money with it if you put one together.

Barb June 3, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Rotundo, that answer was stellar! Thanks and have a terrific day!

Barb June 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Oh my God, Bitches! Victoria Grace is having her baby!

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Heyyy, that is AWESOME!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:41 pm

OMG. Congratulations to mother and baby. Let us know when the tyke is here!

Chichikovovich June 3, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Congratulations! Have a good trip, and we'll all be radiating good wishes.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 7:09 pm

I'm sending you an imaginary prairie teddy bear to hold onto until you get there.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

I have it on good Authority that all will be well. Congrats!

Extemporanus June 4, 2012 at 1:16 am

Congratulations, Barb!

(I didn't have time to get you a proper gift, so I'm hoping that snarky sneak peek will suffice. It was made with love…and whiskey. Lots and lots of whiskey.)

I'm on a rusty tomato iCan with a very frayed WiFi string right now, so I'm just gonna say that I gots no beef with ya, B, and wish you and your babies nothin' but the best. We can deal with any lingering stinkiness later — until then, consider our shit meconium.

Here's to a happy, healthy double header. Hang in there, and take care…

Boojum June 3, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Is this Scott Walker's illegitimate child?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Hmm?

Crank_Tango June 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

And instead of immigrant day laborers standing around in the parking lot waiting for work, it's crowded with skinny rentboys slinging teeners.

actor212 June 4, 2012 at 9:07 am

As a bona fide Viking Horde (just me, that's more Horde than most can handle), I'll be raising the issue of a full-scale attack on Atlanta (Patriot Depot's home city) at our summer convention in Sjoberg this year.

If you live near the Chattahoochee, you can cheer on our longboats. I'll be in the front boat, blasting "The Immigrant Song" on my iPod. I may even declare myself kuningaz and start enslaving the rednecks.

steamynachos June 3, 2012 at 12:38 pm

There's a Ghostbusters joke in here somewhere…

Dr. Nick Riviera June 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Beat me to it!

BarackMyWorld June 3, 2012 at 12:53 pm
Mittens Howell, III June 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Ghostblusters?

Fare la Volpe June 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Aortabusters.

wondering where i am June 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Too soon?

TheMightyHaltor June 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

He slimed me!

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

There's a Janet Leigh joke in there as well.

Callyson June 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I ain't afraid of no ghost…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9We2XsVZfc

Dr. Nick Riviera June 3, 2012 at 12:39 pm

"On a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a throne of blood. What was will be, what is will be no more. Now is the season of evil! Find me a child that I might live again!"
–Breitbart the Carpathian

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Is this a quote from the Ghostbusters 3 flick?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

In this case, "Crapathian".

HogeyeGrex June 4, 2012 at 5:13 am

Onan the Breitbarian?

C_R_Eature June 4, 2012 at 5:31 am

Gonad the Vulgarian?

actor212 June 4, 2012 at 9:10 am

Games of Hoes reference?

EloquentScience June 3, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Worst Marvel movie ever!

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Indeed, even worse than the 1990 "Captain America," and that's really saying something.

Angry_Marmot June 3, 2012 at 7:38 pm

Worse than the Roger Corman Fantastic Four? Come to think of it, there are some things even Corman won't show in public.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

That was a particularly bad one, but most flicks that have the stamp of the House of Corman get a free pass from me. Roger's honorary lifetime achievement Oscar is way past due. Am Irish pal of mine worked on a few of his flicks during the 1990's when he was based in Dublin, and I got to hang with Corman a few times, and he was a most charming and intelligent guy. And best of all, he paid the pub tabs every time. Now that's a gent.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Gent, hell … in Ireland, that makes him royalty.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 11:22 pm

In Hollywood, that makes him a mutant. Seriously, the guy practically invented indie movies and deserves one of them nekkid golden statuettes.

johnnyzhivago June 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm

That's just fucking stupid!

fartknocker June 4, 2012 at 12:46 am

Agreed. Whomever the fucktard artist is who created this Etsy work should be crafting CGI graphics for the National Geographic channel in its Tuna Wars series.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 3, 2012 at 12:45 pm

By the looks of it, Breitbart died when his armor and neck waddle conspired to strangle him.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

That's "wattle," dear, and can you blame it? I understand his heart finally attacked him when it had had enough.

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 6:50 pm

What heart?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Good point.

Dr. Nick Riviera June 3, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Dude, it was the crack of noon on a weekend when I typed that. Give a gal a break. Obama and 57 states. Here it is used in a sentence correctly:

The wattle wobbles as the wascally warthole waddles.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Indeedy. I didn't mean any harm by it.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

wattle = Breitbart
waddle = Christie

Barb June 3, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Do you get the feeling that his arms are so stubby because his mom used to tie them to his sides when he was growing up. Seems Andy really liked to play with his winkie. Didn't matter though because even with his stubby nubbins' he could play with other peoples winkies instead.

Angry_Marmot June 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

This was our chance to answer the mystery of Tyrannosaurus Rex– hunter or scavenger?

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

*announcer voice*
Tyrannosaurus Rex — prehistoric jerk-off!

Angry_Marmot June 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm

T. Rex can't jerk off– that's what makes him so mean!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm

The arms are stubby because it's Peter Dinkladge in his Tyrion Lannister getup, with Breitbart's head (copied from this photo) glommed on.

In other words, crap art cobbled up from a lame mashup.

Wile E. Quixote June 4, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Fortunately he met Matt Drudge and Jonah Goldberg, both of whom had the same problem, and they could hump each other's legs, sometimes all at once.

Mittens Howell, III June 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm

That armor didn't help when he was attacked by legions of triple-bacon cheeseburgers.

Isyaignert June 4, 2012 at 2:06 am

Thumbs up but mostly for your awesome avatar and name. Luv it!!

Dr. Nick Riviera June 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Notice how he has the remains of his vanquished foes (his belts) as trophies on his right arm. Hardcore.

Buckminster June 3, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Handy while shooting up the China White.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Can you even GET China White any more? If anybody could I guess Andy could. With his adoptive father's money.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 9:29 pm

I'm livin on Chinese rock.
All my best things are in hock.
I'm livin on Chinese rock.
Everything is in the pawn shop!

Dashboard_Jesus June 4, 2012 at 2:38 am

y'all are so freakin' awesome, this frequent Wonkette lurker/ infrequent commentater applauds your awesomeness *golf clap*

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

And he seem to have 2 belts around his waist as well. What's up with that?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

One belt wasn't enough to hold in his gut.

George Skullfry June 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Andy "Two Belts" Breitbart?

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 11:24 pm

I imagine most nights at the bar it was more than two belts.

HogeyeGrex June 4, 2012 at 5:16 am

One for each wetsuit?

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Pfft. The goddess Kali is more badass than St. Andrew would ever hope to be.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Srsly. I used to have a painting of her with her bloody red tongue lolling down to the garland of human skulls around her neck, in a skirt made of severed arms. Dancing.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Hawt!

Err, I guess. Sort of.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Very. In a crazy, creepy, "I'm'a cut your heart out and EAT it, motherfucker" kinda way that always brings the adrenalin rush. Kinda looked like this, but more *grotesque,* if you know what I mean.

Dashboard_Jesus June 4, 2012 at 2:42 am

awesome one of my favorite Hindu gawds http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Kali_lithograph

real_dc_native June 3, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I hate to bring this up but I can't help myself. You know who else was in a portrait as a knight?

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm
chascates June 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Sarah Palin?

the_problem_child June 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Sarah Palin? Wait, not a knight, a merkined idiot. http://steampunkpalin.com/wp-content/uploads/2011

drrty_martini June 3, 2012 at 1:13 pm

WHAT IS COMING OUT OF HER LADY-PARTS? Holy. Jesus. Fuck.

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 1:50 pm

That would be Spooge o' Todd aka "the best part you ran down the crack of your mother's ass".

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I think Todd's busy spooging his spoo in different ladyparts, these days. More likely what we see in that painting is the aftermath of a yeast infection.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:09 pm

"WHAT IS COMING OUT OF HER LADY-PARTS?"

Some sort of babby/unwed daughter's babby/anti-choice campaign prop?

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 4:57 pm

A snowmobile?

superdave June 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm

OH DEAR LORD!

chascates June 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Needs moar Americian flags!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Coming out of her lady-parts!

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Marvin the Martian?

Mumbletypeg June 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Perfect. He, like Breity, was "so…. very…. ANGry..!"

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2012 at 1:37 pm
MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Esq nailed him GOOD.

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I love Charles P. Pierce more than Romney loves his sister-wives.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

That is some mighty, burning love, there, Butch. Does Hubby know?

This week's man-crush at Ye Olde HomeSteade is Donny Yen, current heartthrob of HongKong chopsocky movies. The Hubster just responds with, "Oh, so no more Takeshi Kaneshiro, then?"

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Pogo?

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm
MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Been a LONG time since I dropped by David E's blog. Thank you. That was … simply fascinating.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:00 pm

I tried to read it, but I got lost. Very, very lost.

DustinDeWynde June 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Damn you, Pseudonymously_Joe, damn you to, wait, no that wouldn't be cool to have you spend Eternity with Angry Andy, but still you beat me to posting that.

I *was* going to post "The Manifesto of Anders Behring Breivik" to highlight the similarities between that psycho and Breitbart and his moranic minions, but, no, that wouldn't be cool either.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

Aw, man, c'mon, why not?

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 7:45 pm

John Cleese?

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 12:49 pm

You know who else had a painting of him as a knight?

Dr. Nick Riviera June 3, 2012 at 12:54 pm

At least Hitler's artist was apparently vaguely familiar with what the human form looks like. This artist has apparently never seen a human not squished into a hoverround.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

In his defense, at least he didn't try to slim NotSoBrightBart down to human proportions.

BarackMyWorld June 3, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Relatives of the former coach of the Indiana Hoosiers in their family portrait?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Yes, Dammit!

First thing I thought of when I saw it. Breittards have no sense of history.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Linky's broken, CRE. Pls 2 fixy?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 6:53 pm

I'll give it a shot: It's supposed to point to a reply to blueb4sunrise's comment in the Jonah Goldberg post.

Not sure that will work, but I was just grumping about posting the same painting off-topic on an earlier post…

Dashboard_Jesus June 4, 2012 at 2:43 am

I was wonderin' how long before I saw this, Buddha fer da WIN!

Dashboard_Jesus June 4, 2012 at 2:54 am

…and here's an excellent chance to combine Breitfart with that lovely Hitler fella, if'n only I knowd how to use photoshop! http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2012/06/02/ye-olde-b

Hedley_Lamarr June 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

I'm sure Ze Germans have a six syllable word for how big a douche he was, and that should be the title of this thing.

MnemonicTheory June 3, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Nibelungenliar?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Well, here's a Phrase:
der Abschaum der menschlichen Gesellschaft. – The Scum of the Earth
There's: der Dreckskerl – Dirty Bastard
And: der Mistkerl – Bastard, or Dirty Swine
Also: der Schwanzlutscher – Cocksucker

Take your pick

freddymcmurray June 4, 2012 at 2:16 am

or maybe Arschloch der Welt – asshole of the world

(Arsch der Welt is normally reserved for describing a location: "ass of the world" like our "armpit of the world" in English)

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Krapperdammerung?

Chichikovovich June 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Wagner's worst opera.

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Yeah…it was pretty shitty.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Krapperdammerung?

Hengh?!?

Vecchiojohn June 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

"Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens" – Schiller
Too many syllables, but still . . .

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:28 pm

I don't speak German — does that translate to "Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain"?

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:24 pm

***Pretends to know.

Why yes, yes it does.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:06 pm

I'm basing it on what little Yiddish I know, lemme tellya, it ain't much.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 6:05 pm

*Ding* You get a Gold Star!

Made popular by Asimov in the series/book The Gods Themselves.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Yay, I got me one of CRE_ature's very own Patented Honest to Goodness Real Gold Stars!

And here's my gift to you in return. Enjoy!

Hedley_Lamarr June 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

All outstanding answers, you scholars of German. Now go invade Poland or something.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Nein.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

"Nein, nein, nein." – Herb Cain.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Or was it Herman Caen?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Oy, gevalt, oy vey is mir. From this you get we should invade Poland?

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Nein on the Rhine?

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I'm sure Ze Germans have a six syllable word for how big a douche he was, and that should be the title of this thing.

"Lebensunwertes Leben"?

Mittens Howell, III June 3, 2012 at 12:50 pm

The bottom of the painting is cut off, it actually shows him rising from a KFC bucket.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:35 pm

It's a LIE! NotSoBrightBart would NEVER rise from a KFC bucket. Unless, of course, he had personally emptied it.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Even then, he's be down there licking up the last of the grease.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Hey, pretty lady! Hope this day finds you well and happy.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

It does, indeed. And you, handsome Z?

Negropolis June 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm

WIN

WABishop June 3, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Nothing could bring more life to his words ("stop raping people!") than Crusader armor.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I miss the days when this could not possibly be anything other than a National Lampoon cover.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 1:55 pm

They really had some wonderful artists, didn't they? I have a coffee table book of the art of Mara McAfee that still makes me smile whenever I look through it.

sullivanst June 3, 2012 at 2:13 pm
MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Thank you. That is truly shocking and horrifying. Poor laydeez.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:03 pm

WTF?

sullivanst June 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Possibly wasn't the most representative diary from that series to pick, but it was the most recent of the Google results and I was feeling lazy :P It does have a link to the first which is more the flavor I was thinking of, there were three or four in the middle too.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Oh, I just meant that I couldn't really follow it. I don't speak legalise.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I guess it's too late now to photoshop Brightfart into this National Lampoon classic cover.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

It's NEVER too late to exercise your photoshop skills.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm

'cept putting Britefart's head in that picture would assure poor sales on the news stand.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:40 pm

I was a teenager, and not allowed to read that magazine when it first came out. The picture stayed with me all the past five decades, believe me.

sullivanst June 4, 2012 at 8:31 am

Unless you also 'shop the text to "If you do buy this magazine"…

CountryClubJihadi June 3, 2012 at 12:54 pm

The mullet is particularly delightful.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm

It's how he would have wanted to look, if he had hair.

Negropolis June 3, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Conservative business in the front…even more conservative party in the back.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:33 pm

Oh, come ON, N. You know it's a conservative party with box turtles and man on dog in the back.

CrunchyKnee June 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Needs moar Raygun, then it would be a non-stop fap-fest in Wingnut land.

Rotundo_ June 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Ronaldus Maximus making him a knight of the morbidly obese table!

SexySmurf June 3, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Judging from the armor and the soul patch, I'm guessing the painting is called Dungeons and Douchebags.

OkieDokieDog June 3, 2012 at 1:23 pm

How can he have a soul patch when he didn't have a soul?

actor212 June 4, 2012 at 9:36 am

You've heard of shutting the barn door after the horse has got out, haven't you?

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Win

memzilla June 3, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Hmmm… same artist as the one who did GW Shrub's portrait?

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:43 pm

His specialty is painting drunks.

sbj1964 June 3, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Andrew Breibart,and the Lord of the Rings? Bartbots,he is more like Lord of the Fly's.A big conservative turd.

CrunchyKnee June 3, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Wow, ghost Breitbart could probably even kick Killstien's ass,

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

He's too much of a pussy to try, though.

Mittens Howell, III June 3, 2012 at 12:59 pm

"It's just a flesh wound!"

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Fearless Fosdick? Or the Black Knight?

Either one works for me.

BarackMyWorld June 3, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Wait…right-wingers actually looked up to this guy?

Never mind that his professional reputation should have been completely destroyed after the Shirley Sherrod fiasco, what about the fact that he helped create the Huffington Post, or that his only actual agenda was mudslinging?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Yes, and? I mean, srsly. These people look up to Bush, fer Crisake. Lower than a worm's arsehole, is what they are. Why does it surprise you that they look UP to morally repellent swine like NotSoBrightBart?

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2012 at 4:04 pm

James O'Keefe is still getting gigs. Hell, Rupert Murdoch heads one of the largest criminal enterprises in the whole corporate world, and yet he's allowed to continue doing exactly what he's been doing for decades.

And the entire conservative movement reveres a former president who sold arms to what we now consider the largest terrorist exporter in the world, and used that to finance an illegal war against an elected government in Nicaragua. So it's not like willful blindness has been a longstanding necessity of their ethos or anything.

Mittens Howell, III June 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Yeah, yeah. And Michelle Malkin is Xena, the Freakin' Warrior Princess.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I doubt Gabrielle would do Malkin even with Iolaus's dick.

Angry_Marmot June 3, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Dude, harsh buzzkill.

chascates June 3, 2012 at 1:04 pm

If that picture comes printed on toilet paper put me down for a four-pack.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Hell, if it comes on terlet paper, I can get ALL my Xmas gifts early!

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

If I didn't want him touching my ass when he was alive, why would I want him touching my ass when he's dead?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Riley? Is that YOU?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Pdog, could you just be, like, truly unselfish for once and think of all the POOR PEOPLE who are never getting their ass touched by ANYONE? Just knowing that NotSoBrightBart is nose-deep in their most odoriferous orifice will bring the *happiness,* dood. It's not too much to ask.

HistoriBarb June 3, 2012 at 8:23 pm

I use toilet paper to clean my ass … putting Breitbart close to it would most likely have the opposite effect.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Truly. He was the kind of guy who could make shit feel dirty.

BarackMyWorld June 3, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Is the blue ribbon on his belt for Pabst Blue Ribbon?

Mittens Howell, III June 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Breitbart was judged 'Best Hickory Smoked Ham' by the National Country Ham Association.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I was *gonna* say he probly got it by accident at the State Fair Cow Judging Competition, but I like yours better.

unclejeems June 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Breitbart staggered drunk out of a bar, during the last week of his life, and fell into the gutter, dead drunk. Two ladies happened to walk past and, curious about what kilted warriors like this hero actually wore under their kilts, lifted his garment. Not liking what they saw, but not wanting to shame the poor fat drunk man, they removed the blue ribbons from their hair, and tied them around the poor little appendage, lending it an air of respectability it could not have achieved on its own. Then they rose and walked on.

In the morning, Breitbart woke from his stupor and happened to look down. "Well, laddie" he said to his wee little johnson. "I don't know where you've been. But it appears you've won first prize."

zoolanoid June 3, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Question: He's wearing a blue ribbon on his belt. Any idea what the Ghostbart might have won?

Buckminster June 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Bowling in the special olympics?

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 3:19 pm

A deathtime's supply of Pabst Blue Ribbon?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Mighty hot where he ended up, I guess he'll need it.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm

"Look at the improperly foreshortened arm, which would have left Ghost Andrew Breitbart with little 18-inch-long stub arms that couldn’t have even reached his pockets!"

You know who else had teensy little short arms?

Buckminster June 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Tyranosaurus Rex?

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Yes! And a brain in his butt that was only the size of a walnut.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Yeah, well, you shoulda seen the one in his skull. About the size of a Lindor truffle, methinks.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 3:25 pm

Stegosaurus LIBEL!!!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Picky, picky, picky.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I so love this.

Fare la Volpe June 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

The fourth sister on The Lawrence Welk Show?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

ZOMG, I think you just gave me an idea.

HoytClagwell June 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm
MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

YES!

chascates June 3, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Flipper?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:07 pm

They called him Flipper, Flipper
The thalidomide baby
No one you see
Is stubbier than he

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Me? No, I can reach the vape on the bedside table, so not me, sorry.

Tundra Grifter June 3, 2012 at 5:24 pm

All those "Wizard of Oz" extras?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm
MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Oh! I know! I'll announce a Short-Arms inspection at the next company picnic!

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Outstanding!!

Use This Picture!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Ah, yes. I see your opinion of my popularity at work matches mine — and my colleagues'.

__kth__ June 3, 2012 at 1:08 pm

What would be more realistic: Breitbart perched in a window on the fifth floor of a warehouse, adjusting the sight on a cheap bolt-action rifle.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

With a fifth of vodka at his elbow.

MissNancyPriss June 3, 2012 at 7:01 pm

8-Ball

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:12 pm

It would be even more realistic if he was putting someone else up to doing it since after all, he was a pretty notorious coward.

plinthic June 4, 2012 at 10:09 am

Right, from the window of the Texas Cheesecake Depository

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Aw, no fair. He'd be too busy eating his way out to get off a shot.

Chill_Bill June 3, 2012 at 1:08 pm

As we speak, Thomas Kinkade is painting a kinky portrait of Breitbart holding Satan's "sword."

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I console myself with the thought that Andrew NotSoBrightBart will spend eternity being sword-porked by Satan.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Also, immediately after buggering Breitbart, Satan will force Mann Coulter to blow him.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Blow HIM or blow NotSoBrightBart? Inquiring minds NEED to know.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 7:51 pm

We won't be allowing them that much fun.

I have William F. Buckley editing Brightfart's work for accuracy, and sending it back for re-write. I figure that should pretty much take an eternity.

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I especially enjoy the tiny clouds, as though Breitbart was doing his 900-foot Jesus impersonation. The only thing I could think to add to further illuminate his character would be a squadron of little biplanes circling and firing at him.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:08 pm

It looked to me like he was farting up a storm, but I'm unutterably vulgar.

bagofmice June 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

You said it.

Wonkette, Refudiated June 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

How about a dozen apes, piloting biplanes, throwing feces at him?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I'm not gonna complain.

WIDTAP June 3, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Peter Dinkladge does a much better Lord Tyrian, and is better looking too. Plus, you never see fart clouds surrounding Dinkladge.

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Breitbart as the Imp is a little less Dinklage and a little more Dickage.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm

You pick: Is it "Great minds think alike" or "Small minds seldom differ"?

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I feel like I'm missing out on so much by having ignored this person throughout his earthly life. The painting is called "Fight"? So this guy, with the pale, soft, doughy face, was a professional wrestler or boxer, or some kind of action movie star or something? Because the mullet and the soul patch make him look like some 40 year old loser who hangs around the shitty bar trying to pick up high school girls.

Buckminster June 3, 2012 at 1:19 pm

Or the fat 40-year-old chicken-hawk who hangs around the gay bar looking for underage boys.

Chill_Bill June 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

For a minute there, I thought it was Lars Ulrich.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"Seriously, Baby, I was the roadie for Night Ranger."
"Who? Oh, yeah; my Dad has their albums."
"D'oh!"

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 7:55 pm

He looks like a cosplaying dweeb who's temporarily left momma's basement to skulk around at the ComicCon convention.

UW8316154 June 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

http://patriotdepot.com/

Truly a website worth a few minutes of your lazy Sunday afternoon.

Oh, and what's going on with Breitbart-the-Ghost's fingers?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

You mean why are they disproportional to the rest of his body? Like his stubby little arms? Or his enormous meaty biceps (no muscle, mostly fat. And sweat glands.)

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Hey, YEAH!
Maybe he has no hands and his gloves are filled with Jello?
I mean, because normal hands have bones in them, and the fingers don't bend that way unless you pound them into pulp with a hammer…
*smiles*

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I like you, tessiee. You're *really* cruel.

didgen June 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I wondered if was just me, it isn't just that his arms are foreshortened, he apparently is missing everything from the elbows down. The artist tried to hide this by stuffing empty gloves into his sleeves.

DaSandman June 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Think of all the right wing fapping going on today over this. Yet in reality he is still fat, dead and probably isn't smelling very good either.

LetUsBray June 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I doubt he smelled very good when he was alive, either. So there's that.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:09 pm

All kinds of grunge in those fat folds.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

That's what the mayonnaise is for, dear.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

*Retch

Monsieur_Grumpe June 3, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Only thing missing is a pile of empty cans of shitty beer, pointy ears and a Hitler mustache.

SayItWithWookies June 3, 2012 at 1:19 pm

I also like how he's squinting into the sunlight — as it streams from behind him.

scvirginia June 3, 2012 at 7:53 pm

IS he squinting? Or did he just have beady little eyes?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Or are his eyes buried in "boozer's bloat," the swelling of the tissues surrounding the eyeball itself, often induced by consuming too much alcohol of nights.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 9:45 pm

I believe the technical term is trompe-l'oily.

Wonkette, Refudiated June 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

Bugnon also did one of Michelle Bachman beheading Nancy Pelosi. On Mars. Wait .. no, it couldn't be anywhere in this solar system. It's somwhere else.
http://a1.twimg.com/profile_images/1082512949/Bac

sullivanst June 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Definitely not Mars, apparently it's a moon of a gas giant.

Or more likely, Bugnon has absolutely no comprehension whatsoever of the concepts of scale and perspective.

Fare la Volpe June 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Conservatives: Bringing Classy Back

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

There's something very strange about that painting. I don't think Lay-Deez' bodies bend like that at the crotch.

BlueStateLibel June 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

But, but … the wingnuts aren't violent, it's just that all of their favorite imagery has to do with weapons and chopping people's heads off. But they're not fixated on violence, no, not at all.

bagofmice June 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

That lens flare is positively Unreal. As if it were some video game from the 90's.

HistoriBarb June 3, 2012 at 8:31 pm

No wonder Thomas Kinkade kicked the bucket – there's a new Greatest American Artist in town.

Isyaignert June 3, 2012 at 10:53 pm

That dude's muffed up in the head (and heart).

SpeedoFart June 3, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Ah ha ha ha ha ha, what?

SheriffRoscoe June 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Looks like I'll have to go elsewhere for my Sunday morning fap.

Fare la Volpe June 3, 2012 at 1:24 pm

You make the Jesus cry.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:42 pm

You finding this post difficult to masturbate to, Sheriff?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Can't see it too well, through the tears in my eyes. So, yeah.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:46 pm

I'm betting they're tears of laughter. Or joy.

Wonkette, Refudiated June 3, 2012 at 1:22 pm

This needs to be part of every Blingee created from now on.

HeadsIWin June 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm

have these fundies announced when they're coming to kill us all in are sleep already?

cheetojeebus June 3, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Years and years ago when I was an exchange student in Italy, At the University that i attended, on the wall of the stairs was the very effective slogan in 2' high letters " We will come in the night and shoot you in the mouth" I've always thought that was a very clear way of putting it.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:16 pm

That's pretty fucking intimidating. When the HELL was this?

cheetojeebus June 3, 2012 at 8:39 pm

1980, There was a lot of shit going on at the time. One time I saw a fight in the cafeteria, these two loud mouths were having a political argument that degenerated into fighting, one a communist the other a guy in a suit that was a right wing Christian Democrat, were really going at it, the marxist grabbed a bread roll and started clobbering the other guy. Italian bread rolls can be really hard btw. It was so poetic!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Sweet Lawdy Jebus! And I thought the world had become a more peaceful place.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 8:37 pm

have these fundies announced when they're coming to kill us all in are sleep already?

The last three and a half years of teabagger gun rampages were too subtle?

ManchuCandidate June 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Dead Knight on white satin, The parody never ends,
Burgers uneaten, no more tastes to blend.
Farce I'd always seen with these eyes before.
Just a legacy of stupid, I just laugh some more.

'Cos I mock you, yes I mock you, oh how I mock you.

Glaring at people, awkward Riley on hand,
Laughter I'm going through they can't understand.
Some try to tell me, thoughts they cannot defend,
Only see what you want to be, you'll be mocked in the end.

And I mock you, yes I mock you,
Oh how I mock you, oh how I mock you.

Me_K_Cong June 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

That was better than usual.

proudgrampa June 3, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Heck, that was excellent!

Love me some gratuitous Moody Blues in the morning!

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Better than the original.

__kth__ June 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Breathe deep the fetid fumes
That Breitbart oozes, as in life, from his tomb
Scooter-bound followers look back and lament
A lifetime's useless energy spent

Kind-hearted goddess that rules the night
And removed this raging ape from our sight
No Kinkaide travesty on canvas of white
Stopped you from putting a wrong to right
Ne'er mind their illusions.

Rotundo_ June 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm

Imagine what this guy could do for Jonah Goldberg; I'm thinking something in a barbarian motif with his arms around Kathryn Lopez, her ample bosom heaving. Sort of like one of those cheesy romance novel paperback covers. Maybe this is just what conservative Americans need: Bodice rippers featuring Rush and Jonah and all the others (Okay, George Will might be crossing a line, but Shawn Hannity in Armour having his way with Michelle Malkin would sell like gangbusters to them).

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:25 pm

"Imagine what this guy could do for Jonah Goldberg; I'm thinking something in a barbarian motif with his arms around Kathryn Lopez, her ample bosom heaving."

With apologies to Groucho Marx… Jonah Goldberg's cleavage is much more ample than Kathryn Lopez's.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Hairier, also. But that's expected.

bagofmice June 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

That is a unique definition of "crossing the line".

Rotundo_ June 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Crossing the line between bad taste, horrific illustration and that hellish world that would encompass George Will in any state of undress or passion.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 11:54 pm

I don't even want to picture George Will with his bow tie askew.

randcoolcatdaddy June 3, 2012 at 1:39 pm

The year is half gone … how did I miss this piece of misogynist Republican wanking fantasy material for all my calendar needs?
http://patriotdepot.com/this-chick-is-packin-2012

johnnyzhivago June 3, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Nice – tasteful and classy!!! Probably get you a lot of dates if you had it up in your office!

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Or airbrushed into the side panel of your windowless van.

UW8316154 June 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Comment from "Sherry Rogers" – 16 weeks ago

This Chick is Packin' 2012 Calender is AWESOME! What a GREAT SURPRISE when I received it in the mail from a friend . I just received my Concealed Weapon License this past year, so the Calender was PERFECT!!!!! I am a Hairstylist in KY. So I appreciate all the tasteful pictures. It's a GREAT CONVERSATION PIECE at work and GOOD publicity for Firearms. I would like to order a Calender for all my friends that took The Concealed Weapon Class with me.

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

A "…Hairstylist in KY."?
And "I just received my Concealed Weapon License this past year…"?
What do they do, put a gun up to the heads of their clients and say: "You're going to like this hairstyle…or else!"?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Bitch, I'm giving you Beach Blonde #277, and you are LOVING it, you HEAR ME?

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 11:59 pm

Maybe that's why they all have mullets?
"Yep, Ah know it done went outta style twenty year ago, but let me tell yew sumthin', bawh… When Miss Velma wants ta give yew a mullet, she's dang well *goan* give yew a mullet — and yew ain't goan argue none, neither!"

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

You must need a password to see their large selection of Pony Girl merchandise.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm

They're rated VERY highly on Fetlife.

Buckminster June 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm

I don't think that chick in the pink has ever fired that cannon in her life!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 3:59 pm

According to their own site, "This is for the women who know that we don't all look like half-starved cityslicker models – and that's ok! "

So if you really like to look at moocows packing heat — and after having seen a couple of those heifers tarted up in what THEY call "classy" and "tasteful" gear, they're the moocowiest of moocows — then this is your wank material. Personally, I suspect PeopleofWalMart has more "tasteful, classy" heifers to wank to.

Sassomatic June 3, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Do people actually use the term cityslicker?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:52 pm

First time in my life I ever heard it from anyone under, like, 90 years old, but hey. You ever hear it in your life?

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 7:35 pm

"This is for the women who know that we don't all look like half-starved cityslicker models – and that's ok! "
Meaning: "We don't look like a bunch of healthy, under-300 pounds fags!"

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I like my men skinny and my women with some meat on their bones. And lemme tell ya these ladies passed "meat on the bones" round about fifty cheeseburgers and a hundred pounds ago.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

"Ever wish you had a tasteful, classy calendar showing REAL women with their guns"

They've outsnarked themselves.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:01 pm

I like how they point out that THEIR calendarful of heat-packin' heifers "won't make the wife mad." Apparently, this calendar is supposed to replace those titty pitchers Bubba likes to hang up and haw-haw with his buddies over.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Anybody who would marry one of those fuckers is probably so high on a mixture of oxy and meth that she won't notice the stupid calendar.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:35 pm

And don't fergit, it also shows "major US Holidays (that's right, Ramadan doesn't belong!)"

sexism, guns, and xenophobia too!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:05 pm

You don't understand the lingo. "Major US Holidays" is code for "No MLK day."

Designer_Radio June 3, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I can't beat this, from their site:

Ever wish you had a tasteful, classy calendar showing REAL women with their guns – one you could show off to anyone?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm

MSRP $16.95, yours for $0.99

Even in teabaggistan, they can't sell this crap.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Exactly. It would appear that they have overestimated the size of their potential market by a fair bit.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 11:55 pm

Thanks for the link, as I have the feeling that a Google search for "this chick is packing" would yield a drastically different result.

mercianomad June 3, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Where did his Nordic jowls go? Oh yes, Leonardoshopped.

usuhname June 3, 2012 at 2:08 pm

thats pretty generous. artcollagedropoutshopped

iburl June 4, 2012 at 1:47 am

Where did his Nordic jowls go?
The Halls of Val-jowlla

weejee June 3, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Marla Olmstead could do better. If we want Sunday pictures of skull fucking how about Georgia O'Keefe?

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Gotta love the equation of publicity + sales = art. Ah, capitalism — can't live with it, can't hit it over the head enough times with a shovel.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Well … theoretically, you could. I mean, once it's dead, what's the point in hitting it any more, eh?

cheetojeebus June 3, 2012 at 1:56 pm

No doubt all of the trendiest pedophiles will have this painted on the side of their custom vans.

bumfug June 3, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Thomas Kinkade has already done a better one than that using a glowing lake of fire as background.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

That would definitely be more realistic, since we all KNOW NotSoBrightBart wasn't headed for any but the warm place.

Indiepalin June 3, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I just ordered the $4,000 item plus $100 for next day delivery. But they said my credit card number is invalid.

Boojum June 3, 2012 at 2:19 pm

They must be commies.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm

That's funny; I tried it, and they took your credit card number right away, with no problem.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Oooooops!

idrobny June 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

he looks like a putz with a suit of armor. maybe should have been in "the avengers" before he left us?

BlueStateLibel June 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

You know what they say, the shorter the arms…

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

the bigger the dick? No, not HIS dick, HIM.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

The shorter the trebuchet?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

… the lower the IQ.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

"Look at the loving attention paid to the contours of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s fat face!"

But I wouldn't really call him "fat", or not exactly. That's not solid fat, the kind you get from eating food; it's whiskey bloat. Even in this fawning portait, he looks dreadfully unhealthy. Look at the edema in his face, particularly around the eyes and jawline. He looks puffy and bloated, like from drinking so much that your liver and kidneys are starting to quit on you. He looks like a down comforter or a puffball mushroom. If you poked him, your finger would sink in to at least the first knuckle. His color is rotten, too, so I'm guessing he was a heavy smoker as well as a drinker.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm

True. He hasn't shown that much jawline since he was twelve.

Wile E. Quixote June 4, 2012 at 2:53 pm

He should have tried the publc chin technique popularized by Ross Douthat. It works wonders for concealing a total lack of jawline.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I read that as "pubic chin," and you know what? It works just fine for NotSoBrightBart or Douchehat.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 4, 2012 at 2:44 am

Fukui-san libel!

Oh, wait.

Never mind.

LetUsBray June 3, 2012 at 2:21 pm

I like how, even in this idealized painting, he still looks like he just woke up face-down in a puddle of his own puke.

TanzbodenKoenig June 3, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Nordic Knight? I thought it was a painting of him as a mendacious, race-hustling yellow journalist.

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I'm pretty sure you can't say "race-hustling". That's their word.

(For black people.)

ttommyunger June 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

But he's still dead, right?

frostbitefalls June 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Like Tupac, he lives on.

Oh god, I'm now imagining the holograph!

ttommyunger June 3, 2012 at 4:15 pm

In his case, an assholograph, my friend.

George Skullfry June 3, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Request permission to use that.

ttommyunger June 4, 2012 at 6:48 am

Not only granted, but encouraged!

iburl June 4, 2012 at 2:02 am

$10,000 for the Holograph. It shrieks "Stop Raping People" at Noon and Midnight!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:45 pm

Fire the artist! He got rid of the bloated jowly unshaven filthy-beardy look that made NotSoBrightBart immediately recognizable.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Vince Vaughan always has that, too.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Ew, he looks like he fell asleep in the rain and sprouted a face fungus.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

This so cracks me up. Kinda thing used to happen in my drinking days.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

You fell asleep in the rain and sprouted face-fungus?

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 2:48 pm

In the immortal words of Hedley Lamarr, "You Teutonic twat!"

paulabflat June 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

looks an awful lot like lord farquaad from shrek.

the artist doesn't understand perspective.

however.

best. unintentional. parody. ever!

BaldarTFlagass June 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

None shall pass.

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

…but some shall pass gas.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Or explode in the attempt.

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

What is, something a Journalism professor might say to the editors of BigLie, Alex?

stncmchnc June 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I am the knight who screams stop raping people. Now behave yourself and go find me a nice shrubbery.

weejee June 3, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Breitbart's passing is starting to feel like the passing of a kidney stone 'bout the size of a golf ball.

omzig60 June 3, 2012 at 2:59 pm

The left arm is the one that is totally messed up. The left hand seems to be missing, probably lost in ye olde harde battayle. I think the right arm is long enough to get to his pants pockets if he drops his shoulder.

I like the lighting scheme. It makes as much sense as the celestial light of a Kincaid LLC (PBUH) piece. But this pic is missing the miraculous Kincaid water, sadly. The artist should have worked in a lake mysteriously not flowing uphill.

swordfis June 3, 2012 at 3:00 pm

1. It's nice to see that in America even a Jew can be an Aryan knight.
2. I love Richard Diebenkorn. So there.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Is Andrew Jewish? I know his adoptive PARENTS were, but I thought he was just some Aryan spawn who fell through the RAHOWA cracks.

swordfis June 3, 2012 at 5:26 pm

You're right, thank goodness. However, my research did lead me to Zishe Breitbart, the world's strongest Jew: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zishe_Breitbart.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Oy! I wonder if Zische was any relation to Der Dumkopf's father?

swordfis June 3, 2012 at 6:57 pm

There needs to be a movie about Zische meeting his great nephew and squashing him like a bug.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 8:43 pm

He's shitting shiva for eternity.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Oy, gevalt! SITTING shiva, I hope. That trident could get a little uncomfortable upon egress.

M. Szyslak June 3, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Really captures the fatty goo build up in his left ventricle. A FUCKING MASTERPIECE.

sharethegrief June 3, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Bugnon didn't get Hell's lighting wrong. It's just that the devil has standards.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm

The $4000 dollar one is 12 square feet! How will I put that on my wall, and still have room for the velvet painting of a blonde, blue eyed Jesus and the Reagan commemorative plates?

HistoriBarb June 3, 2012 at 8:44 pm

You probably have some nice ceiling space which could accommodate that painting …

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Oy! My mind spends MOST of its time in the gutter, so, like, your sex life is gonna be SO fucking dismal with Andrew Breitbart gloating over your shoulder, or your partner's, while you pursue your increasingly elusive orgasm.

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Also, those of you making Game of Thrones references because of how stubby this portrait made him are completely missing the point: Tyrion Lannister was clever.

TanzbodenKoenig June 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Plus the Hound is prettier and Joffrey has better self-control

BigSkullF*ckingDog June 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

I'm pretty sure that now we are supposed to put him in a boat and light him on fire.

paulabflat June 4, 2012 at 8:51 am

i laughed right out loud!

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 3:32 pm

His fingers look oddly flattened, as if someone ran over his hands with a truck, and squeezed all the lipids out.

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm

The gloves look like props left over from Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I noticed that! Also, too small for the porky hambeast arms.

el_donaldo June 3, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Nordic kitsch – now where have we seen that before? Oh, wait, right. Yikes.

I have a feeling this Ghost Breitbart thing isn't going to turn out so well.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

"Nordic kitsch – now where have we seen that before?"

the first half-dozen or so Led Zeppelin albums?

SudsMcKenzie June 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

As an avid gamer I recognize that gear;

Sword of Douche
Gauntlets of Bile
Armor of the FOX

I wanted to say it was his "Avatard", but I dont want any trouble.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Slightly OT: Last week, The Viking and I encountered a salesperson who… did not have a good grasp of customer relations. We had a perfectly serious discussion afterwards about whether said salesperson was a Fucktard [his term] or an Asshat [mine]. And this is only one of the reasons why I love him.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Aww, that's so wonderful when a Wonketteer finds a Soul Mate! Congrats, and may every happiness be yours. I've been with my version of a Viking (not Vikingish at all) for 14 years now, and it's great to be *understood.*

bagofmice June 3, 2012 at 5:35 pm

But is he a TechnoViking?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Techno_Viking

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Boy, do you Know Your Memes or what?

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 12:09 am

Well, he works in a tech field, and he actually looks like the guy in the picture, except with long blond hair instead of a shaved head, so, um… maybe a little.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:23 am

Awww! (Hugs the tessiee)

FlyOverGirl June 3, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Truly, the Dork Knight.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Ding! Ding! Ding!
We have a winner!

SheriffRoscoe June 3, 2012 at 4:04 pm

David Bugnon, do you like gladiator movies?

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Wanker is coming.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 4:12 pm

"Yonder lies da castle of my fadder da king. Hic!"

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm

He never said that!

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 5:20 pm

True that, and I humbly apologize to Da Bronx's own late and illustrious Bernard Schwartz. Here's a nice paraphrase (though comically neither author, besides James, has any idea of which part of NYC Tony Curtis grew up in; one says the west side, the other the east side. Not being from Manhattan, Tony was from neither) of an essay on Tony Curtis by Clive James in which he delved a bit into "da castle" myth, among other things. (Sorry, couldn't find the original essay on-line, though it is in James' terrific book, "Cultural Amnesia")… http://www.jewishjournal.com/hollywoodjew/item/to

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:15 pm

It's a sweet little article. Bernie Schwartz had a good life.

Thanks.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 6:23 pm

You're welcome, and I highly recommend Clive James' "Cultural Amnesia."

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:16 pm

In his (somewhat self-serving, it's true) biopic, Curtis refudiates that and reproduces the actual line, which differed somewhat from the reported line. However, more to the point, the actress who made the remark famous, according to Curtis, was simply indulging in a popular sport of the time, known as jewbaiting. Or Poorzbaiting, also, possibly. Admittedly, that's only his side of the story, but it does have the heft of truth to it.

valthemus June 3, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Even Breitbart's dearest friends, closest family and others who truly loved him during his life have to be pissing their pants right now laughing at this. Or getting lawyers on the phone.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Lawyers won't help … once you're dead, your image is fair game for satirists (and schlock artists.)

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:30 pm

Thank you for that information, Biely.

MAN THE BARRICADES! A LA LANTERNE!

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Needz moar Jon McNaughton.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

That's what I thought! Maybe some other characters you could mouse over, and read about their role in an evil liberal plot to cause the downfall of civilization.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:09 pm

He is too busy being giving interviews about how President Obama was born in Kenya right now.

HarryButtle June 3, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I just can't believe how fucking bad that painting is. On. Every. Level.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm

You should see his others.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Srsly.

tessiee June 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Can we somehow put this painting next to the painting of Duhbya, and shake them up together, and make them fight?

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

That's my drink! No, it's mine! Gimme that! Why you….

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:11 pm

I can totally see doing a riff on this, but with Dumbya in his flight suit/codpiece costume. Size them to fit a double-wide, sell 'em as a set ($50 extra for the velvet version), and you'll make a fortune.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

My brain hurts, and not because I have a bullet in my head.

Thank you President Bush!

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Oy vey, what bunch of schmendricks.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

I just want to point out to you that it's discounted by 80% – from ~$25 to $5. Something tells me they didn't turn out to be the bestseller the company had forecast, i.e., they'll be filing a Chapter 7 any day now.

That's a comforting thought. Also, for the pain in your head: Enjoy.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I don't suppose you're familiar with the adventures of Axe Cop?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Hey, wow, no, that's FASCINATING! Thanks!

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Oh for fucks sake.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Well, I started my day with no bullet in my head… Thanks.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:52 pm

You be sure you end it the same way. I'm not losing my friend to anything till I'm good and ready.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Oh, I'm sure to do that. Just a play on words

and thanks for that

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Has anybody noticed that "Patriot Depot" has room for comments on their products — in a forum provided by Intense Debate?

Imma gonna put my p-ness at risk there…

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:54 pm

Give us a heads-up so we can swarm over to admire the effects.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Oh, and there's this.

Poe's Law is in overdrive with this site … you almost have to wonder who's really behind it!

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:14 am

They just make up any old shit they feel like, don't they?

EloquentScience June 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

It's funny to see what is on the close-out rack from this place: http://patriotdepot.com/categories/Close-Out/

Hannity/Palin bumperstickers
Herman Cain bumperstickers
Newt's book

Bailout bumperstickers a 5-pack for $25, not at a discount price of $1. Looks like they need a bailout!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

snicker

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:29 pm

The Cain bumper stickers are "Non Residue Free".

(And I thought it was Palin we can't seem to get clean of.)

el_donaldo June 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Eww. But the upside is, through the sheer repetition of it, I finally got the "Cain is Able" joke. It's a Bible thing, see.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm

From the Patriot Depot website….

Our staff enjoys all the things that make America great, including: baseball, Nascar, beer, wings and target practice.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 5:02 pm

This old social democrat partakes with relish of most of the things on that list, excepting I'd replace NASCAR (dullsville) with demolition derby (anarchy!). And the "thrill" of target practice is something you get over by the 8th grade, unless you're a yuppie noob who thinks there's something innately cool or macho about penetrating a sheet of paper with a small projectile while wearing earmuffs.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:32 pm

They didn't say what they were using for targets. (Speed limit signs on county roads? Small mammals?)

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Well, Bubba the webmaster does. He don't know about his dawg, who helps him out at the "store."

el_donaldo June 3, 2012 at 10:09 pm

And when you show up on the website, they offer you "100 loyalty points." And I haven't even offered to take the oath yet!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Yeah, what was *that* about?

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:16 am

I encourage them to drink lots and lots of beer, and then have target practice.
[tents fingertips]
Heh heh heh…

Monsieur_Grumpe June 4, 2012 at 1:23 am
CivicHoliday June 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

But where is the crying eagle?!

weejee June 3, 2012 at 4:57 pm

43 ea GeeKlay printz × $4K "signed" = $172K — Conservtarded math at its very best.

These folks are such fucking dolts they also sign-on enthusiastically for moar, much moar, massive reduction in public spending, which beloved Commie Noble Laureate Paul Krugman said just this morn will work oh so well.

/ I'd walk up to the parapet wall again, but being an olde my legs are getting tired from too many past leaps. Well maybe just once more since ski season starts again in only six months.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Don't leap, weejee! We NEED you here to keep the sanity spreading.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 3, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Glad he's now in Valhella.

Callyson June 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

This masterpiece belongs here:

The Museum Of Bad Art (MOBA) is the world's only museum dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all its forms.

http://www.museumofbadart.org/

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Perfect.

Do they have a Giclee-on-Velvet section?

Neoyorquino June 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Also known as Breitbart the Cruel, Breitbart the Torturer, Breitbart the Despised, and Breitbart the Unholy (as well as Breitbart the Butch).

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Darling, you MUST be more careful with your vowels, really. That is an "i," not a "u," in that last word.

YasserArraFeck June 4, 2012 at 2:04 pm

"Sir Knight – have you just descended from your steed, or is your stance always that wide?"

Neoyorquino June 4, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I was hoping someone might pick up on the Ghostbusters reference, but then again I am rapidly becoming an Old.

Manhattan123 June 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Peter Dinklage could kick his ass even before he became Ghost Bretibart,

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 9:42 pm

He seemed a bit wimpy as Caspian … but that Tire Iron character does seem pretty tough.

PrincessLou June 3, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Andy's nose should be bright red, as it always was whenever he as in front of a camera.
I guess that's 'artistic license.'

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 3, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Everyone remember the famous HOPE poster, made iconic by Shepard Fairey — and originally snapped by Mannie Garcia? It would be delicious if this David Bugnon hack gets sued to fuck by the guy who took this shot.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Dear god, you're right! Here's hoping.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 3, 2012 at 5:23 pm

One last observation before I jump back into a bottle of Willamette Valley Pinot Noir (Jesus, it's good): The type of art people are paying four large for is called "giclée", which means, well… enjoy the Wikipedia article on your own.

Squirt, spurt or spray.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

You're talking Republicans, here. The biggest closeted queens on the planet. Of COURSE they pay more for squirt, spurt, or spray. That's how it's always been.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

And I thought ink-jet inks were overpriced before they got spurted!

Charging four grand for an inkjet printout is what transforms it into "art." I wonder how much I could make peddling "art" print(out)s of crying eagles to these rubes?

MadBrahms June 3, 2012 at 5:25 pm

David Bugnon, Painter of White

Tundra Grifter June 3, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Why isn't he holding a burning copy of the Constitution?

badgitator June 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!1

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 5:44 pm

They wish.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 3, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Look, everybody! The Patriot Depot sells free stuff, too! Let's download it a lot.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 7:57 pm

They've got some great deals on bumper stickers at 96 percent off. Great for wallpapering your vomitorium.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I wonder if Dr. Gary North (or his copyright attorney) would like a word with these guys?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:37 pm

Would be nice to find out, wouldn't it?

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Too few chins, not enough of a drug/alcohol/impotent rage look of stupor. Also, Breitbart was a Republican, so the outfit should be more appropriate for that. Like a Nazi uniform with assless chaps.

1/10 go back to drawing the turtle in Reader's Digest ads.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Also, John McCain Tyrannosaurus arm libel!. Also.

Sharkey June 3, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

FUS ROH DAH!

SudsMcKenzie June 3, 2012 at 9:33 pm

He used to be an asshat pundit, then he took an infarction to his heart.

StealthMuslin June 3, 2012 at 6:08 pm

I'm tho Thor I can hardly pith!

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Congratulations on three months sobriety, Andy. Glad to see you finally succeeded at something.

proudgrampa June 3, 2012 at 8:45 pm

Well, gotta hand it to Andrew. Haven't had that much sobriety in YEARS.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Can't say as I'll be buying a copy of Breitbart's posthumous tome "Rufies: Why Don't Clits Like Me?" (with a forward by Michelle "Rope Tricks" Malkin), but the pervs at the Heritage Foundation have pre-ordered 30,000 copies. In fact, Pat Robertson is building a mansion just to house his personal copy.

Beowoof June 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

A real portrait would show him Tony Montana style with his face in a mountain of coke. And don't forget the copy of Mein Kampf close by.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Is that sword his "little friend"?

ElPinche June 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Tyrion Lannister has chunks of dorks like Lord Jowls in his poop.

johnnyzhivago June 3, 2012 at 6:33 pm

OT – the KittenKam is back: http://kittenkam.blogspot.com —- Enjoy!!!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Thenkyew!

ElPinche June 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm

You think that's dumb? Here's another cringeworthy photochop of O'Keefe's hooker from Jon McNaughton's right nut:
http://flaggman.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/hanna

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Looks like some folks have way too much time on their hands, as well as absolutely no talent. I've seen much better work on UFO sites.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Hallmark Cards would reject this sort of dreck.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I wonder if Bishop Romney or one of his fellows have baptized Breitbart's fetid corpse yet? Someone should ask him.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:16 pm

Even Mormons have standards. Besides, how would he ever stock his planet with BrideBarts?

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 10:26 pm

They "baptized" Hitler.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:25 pm

Sounds like the title of a bad horror movie.

carlgt1 June 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

ah yes, because it's so Valkyrie-worthy to whine "stop raping people" at hippies, and then drop dead on the sidewalk outside a pub in your middle age…..

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 6:56 pm

Frankly, I find it to be in extremely bad taste that anyone would make fun of the way Breitbart died, especially since I would have preferred that he met his maker choking in his own vomit while a crowd of progressives gleefully took turns kicking him in the groin.

So, let's show a little decorum, please.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:25 am

I wish I could upfist this elebenty times, is all.

Generation[redacted] June 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm

"You know they can't prove whose vomit it was…"

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:21 am

Although, if you die at a certain age, it can't properly be called middle age, can it?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

The Ballad of Brave Sir Breitbart

Bravely bold Sir Breitbart rode forth from Elllaaayyy.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Breitbart!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Breitbart!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp,
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken;
To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away;
And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Breitbart!

His head smashed in and his heart cut out
And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off
And his penis…

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:17 pm

No, don't hold back, CRE, let it ALL out.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Brave Sir Breitbart ran away.
Bravely ran away, away!
When danger reared its ugly head,
He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Breitbart turned about
And gallantly he chickened out.
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Breitbart!

He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and pissing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge

And there was Great Rejoicing.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I love Python, I really do.

Butch_Wagstaff June 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm

I still think that Graham Chapman got the best eulogy ever.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

I knew it!

The Python Constellation occupies a central pillar in my Cosmology.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Big Morbid Obesity?
Big Drug and Alcohol Induced Heart Failure?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Was he really morbidly obese? I thought he was overweight, but not very. Perhaps 20% over his target weight, maybe a bit more. His face looked very bloated and debauched, though. And tessiee opined as how he looked as if his kidneys and liver were beginning a slow decline into malfunction, which often shows in bloating around the eyes. I don't have any *personal* knowledge of his drug and alcohol habits, but it is not unrealistic to assume that ragey personality and the public exhibitions thereof and the unhealthy bloat might have a good deal to do with substance abuse.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Good point about the morbid obesity. But in my defense, it is hard to tell since he was always doing that autistic child/drug withdrawl swaying while hunched over like he was trying to scream at his penis.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:40 pm

ZOMG. I laughed so hard, I fell over. He probably DID scream at his penis, in private. Who knows, maybe in public, too.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 9:16 pm

He probably DID scream at his penis, in private. Who knows, maybe in public, too.

BEHAVE YOURSELF! QUIT RAPING PEOPLE!

Given the Republican tendency of projection, I am just going to leave that there for folks to draw their own obvious conclusion.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 7:14 pm

The Ballad of Andy Brietbart

Come and listen to a story about a yutz named Andy
Who spent a lot of time on schoolyards
Handing out hard candy
Then one day he was feeling mighty rude
And he found out that on the internet
He could get awfully crude

Makin' money that is
White folks, Texas ta-ta's

Come back now, ya hear?
Oh wait, he's dead. Never mind.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Wow. A breathtaking marriage of ever-so-popular and cruel. Kudos! And upfisties, too.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 8:35 pm

As far as I know, Earl Scruggs was a liberal cat. But Lester Flatt, well who really knew anything about Lester, which was part of his mystery and charm. But brother, could that boy pick that gitbox!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I love bluegrass music. Actually, I like "folk" and "country" music of all cultures. Feel free to recommend any artist you think I should listen to. Western music is still relatively new to me, and I always enjoy hearing about new and interesting music. Even old and interesting music.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 9:55 pm

I like the late Levon Helm's catch-all term, "country music." (Jesus, why are so many of the good folks "late" lately?) First off, I'd recommend the Carter family and Jimmie Rodgers, and blues greats like Son House and Blind Willie McTell, followed by Merle Travis, Merle Haggard, Loretta Lynn, Buck Owens, "Pretty Miss" Kitty Wells, and my main men Doug Sahm and Flaco Jimenez from Texas, and more recent musicians like Lucinda Williams and J.T. Van Zandt, as well as a gentleman and genius who passed away just the other day, Doc Watson, who I had the great pleasure of spending some time with in the 70's. I can think of hundreds of talented folks, few of whom got much radio airplay, but some of whom once ruled the radio, like the Carter family who were gigantic in the 20's and 30's. And there's Johnny Cash, who was a radio and TV god, but for a while couldn't get a record contract. Anybody you've gotten into lately?

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 12:22 am

"who really knew anything about Lester"

He was married to Esther, and went to school for a semester.

owhatever June 3, 2012 at 7:16 pm

Buy a cheap one, frame it with a stained toilet seat, wrap it up with a bow and donate it to your local Republican Party.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Hey! There you are! I was beginning to worry about you.

ETA: What an excellent idea.

smokefilledroommate June 3, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Patriot Depot? I thought that was very clever until I found out it was real.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I wonder if Home Depot would consider suing them for using "Depot" in the name?

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:23 am

I had a friend who hated the Landover Baptist Church until he found out it wasn't real.

UW8316154 June 3, 2012 at 7:24 pm

Look! There's even a newsletter you can subscribe to!
http://patriotdepot.com/help-faq/

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Hahhahaha, there's also a number you can call.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I wonder how we can Use This For Evil.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I see zero content on their Intense Debate-powered comment pages. We could probably bomb them with snark, and get away with it until they got pissed enough to shut down the comments section.

Or, if we want to take a bit more trouble, we could bombard them with "conservative" comments that are so absurd that they can't quite figure out what do to about them. Like the hilarious bogus pages people have snuck into Conservapedia, they'll be protected by Poe's Law.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:23 pm

Oh, delightfullest of Bielys! Let us put this idea into operation forthwith.

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 12:24 am

"Look! There's even a newsletter you can subscribe to! "

Your ideas intri…
Oh, DAMN it!

Designer_Radio June 3, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I'm not seeing a good selection of "OBAMA/BIDEN 2012" bumper stickers at Patriot Depot.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 8:01 pm

Have to go to Commie Depot for those, silly.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm

No kidding.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

"'Tis but a Scratch Myocardial infarction!"

Dashboard Buddha June 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm
TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 8:14 pm

That's a bingo!

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Save yourself some eye bleach and check out this Nordic warrior instead.

proudgrampa June 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

"Shadowness???" Is that a word?

Nice casabas, though.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:27 pm

Dude … why are that woman's thumbs pointing OUTward?

Nice gazongas. I'm putting you down as a tit man.

Pseudonymously_Joe June 3, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The claim in the comments are that there's a dude flexing behind her, but in that case… where are her arms?

Honestly if you hadn't said anything I wouldn't have noticed.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm

It's still a physically impossible position for the angle and the light falling on the arms. I was busy admiring her boobies myself, but something kept nagging away at the corner of my vision and suddenly, voila, came the realization that this piece belongs in the Museum Of Bad Art (MOBA).

She could be reaching down behind and beneath her, but if those arms belong to a guy behind her who's holding that sword, he would have to be standing back-to-back with her, and then you'd see his head. The human body doesn't look like that woman's. Nice tits, though.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 10:31 pm

There's also a weird ridge on the right arm just below the elbow. I think the whole thing is a composite on a number of different body elements, digitally manipulated, but not very adeptly. And actually, I'm not a tits man, but they are kind of nice. I suspect Andy's were kind of droopy.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Apparently, she's giving him a behind-the-back reach-around.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 8:20 pm

For what it's worth, I called up this work of art in a Google image search, and hit "similar" — and among the more interesting hits was this, er, related image.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Best crappy Scientology movie not starring Tom Cruise ever!

Designer_Radio June 4, 2012 at 8:27 am

Haha! I bet he has that poster framed in his office to remind him what roles NOT to take.

BathroomGoblin June 3, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Barack Obama, in the drawing room, with hydrocephaly.

arihaya June 3, 2012 at 8:26 pm

why did wingnuts potrayed a Jew with white nordic Aryan imagery ?

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 8:29 pm

The same reason churches were busing people in to give Mel Gibson $8 a head to watch a film with a Jew getting the crap kicked out of him.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Maybe because they think Robert Wagner composed the Ring Cycle because they kinda recognized him in the Austin Powers movies, though they weren't really sure from where, but the only part they thought was funny was the gross obese Scotsman in the second sequel?

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Also, I am pretty sure Hell does not look like that. Also.

M. Bouffant June 3, 2012 at 8:51 pm
C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Well, I'm hanging up my Photoshop from here on in. There's no way that can be topped.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Best comment ever re wingnuts: "[Even] iMax projectors are jealous of these people."

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Biely: I hope I didn't offend you with my remark about Tony Curtis. I sometimes forget that nobody likes a know-it-all.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 9:06 pm

POP SURVEY:

If you walked into a home and you saw this Breitbart painting hanging in the foyer would you :

a) Stand rooted to the spot in horror
b) Back away slowly
c) Run
d) Shriek and Run
e) Scream and Leap
f) Chuckle under your breath and scan the room for weapons
g) Snap a cellphone photo of the painting and its owner
h) Take off your clothes and dance
i) Vomit
j) Masturbate
k) Ask for directions because you're clearly in the wrong house
l) All of them, Katie
m) None of them, Katie
n) Demand Pie.
o) Other:_______________________________________

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 9:12 pm

And that's just the first 5 minutes of the Romney administration.

el_donaldo June 3, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Ask my brother-in-law to remove it for as long as I'm having dinner.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:14 pm

Urgh. At least have the decency to hang a sheet.

UW8316154 June 3, 2012 at 10:17 pm

a
f
g

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:29 pm

a) through o), inclusive.

Although perhaps if you were vomiting AND masturbating, you wouldn't need to ask for directions, as your hosts would immediately treat you to a hotfoot through the house and into the waiting ambulance. Yes?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I think if you were engaged in a) through o), then the hosts would most likely be bolting themselves in their Safe Room and frantically punching the 9-1-1 speed dial button.

All in all, a busy afternoon.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 10:38 pm

o) wish I'd actually obtained that concealed carry permit I had been thinking about

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Forgot one:

p) Explode in gales of uncontrollable hysterical laughter until you're forcibly removed.

fishskicanoe June 3, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Thats the one.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:08 pm

It's never to late to put in your application.

zedbot June 3, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Give a noogie to my inlaws. *sigh*

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 9:40 pm

They also have "proud to be a right wing nut bag" t-shirts, for scrotal patriots.

dandalion June 3, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I am so glad you said something about his short arms because I just couldn't get over that! Its like those bad tattoos you see …

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 9:47 pm

It gets better:

This conservative field guide will help you understand and defend conservative positions on:

How to Reduce Poverty & Homelessness without Taxes!
How to Improve Education & Cut Costs!
How to Improve Healthcare & Save Money!
How to End Racism & Give Everyone A Chance to Achieve the American Dream
Ending War For Good
Debunking The Fallacy of Corporate Greed
Gun Ownership
Abortion and Other Hot-Button Social Issues
Freedom of Religion, Not Freedom From Religion
How to Harvest Natural Resources & Protect the Environment
Plus, the "Right-Wing Handbook" includes a bonus section that openly addresses the oft-repeated assertion that "Jesus was a liberal."

Paperback, 70 pages

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm

Any "solutions" that are not "reduce taxes"?
(I assume Jeebus said something, somewhere, that they construe as "blessed are the tax-cutters.")

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 3, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Graggggghhhhh.

That's "Reason" magazine.

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:31 am

Beyond a certain point, it just gets frustrating, and not in a fun, snark-provoking way. Somebody posted a link on facebook "President Obama signs bill increasing benefits for veterans", and I swear one of the first three comments was, "What has Obama ever done for veterans except take away their benefits?". It's like in the Python sketch where the guy says, "This isn't an argument, it's just a series of contradictions".

Generation[redacted] June 4, 2012 at 12:07 pm

No it isn't!

glamourdammerung June 4, 2012 at 1:34 am

And the best part is all the times they scream about how "liberals do not think for themselves" while learning to regurgitate the same tired talking points.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

And to disprove their tired talking point, one or all thereof, all you have to do is ask them a simple, germane question about such point. The hummina-hummina that passes for an answer tells you all you need to know. It requires at least some small measure of intellectual rigour to think an issue through thoroughly enough to answer questions thereupon.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 9:57 pm

Where's the link to the Tentacle Porn version?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:03 pm

You got a thing for them cephalopods, huh? Or just plain ol' hentai?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:07 pm

I find both fascinating, but I'm trying to propagate a recurring meme.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Hentai, for Hitler, and Germany?

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Whippings for Europe and France?

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:48 pm

"Demon Beast Invasion – The Breitbart Chronicles" coming soon to a seedy theatre behind the bus station near you.

Negropolis June 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm

I have to scroll down the page, because every time I scroll back up to the picture, I burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

I don't understand the love of Breitbart; I guess I never will, and really, that's all right by me. If this guy was the king of the Right Blogosphere, I pity them and their ridiculous belief that he was some kind of intellectual heavyweight. I really, really do.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

These are the people who think Dumbya was the bestest preznident evah. Like zombies, they're very stupid — and as with zombies, it's horrifying when you realize how many of them there are.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Painter of Whites

fify

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:10 pm

This painting needs a Theme Song.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I was thinking more along the lines of this.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Ah! That's the one! Gold Star!!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:16 pm

NO! NONONONONO!!! That is simply … oh, my gawd, all this stuff is HORRIBLE!!

Here. Have some REAL music.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 11:39 pm

Genuinely Lovely and much appreciated. But, far too lovely for this application.

Bad Art requires Bad Music!

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 11:46 pm

A Japanese song in a movie with French subtitles? Why do you hate America?

TribecaMike June 4, 2012 at 12:33 am

Carnsarned blind swordsmen and their carnsarned songs…

smokefilledroommate June 3, 2012 at 10:24 pm

You know they pronounce it all American-like– "Pay-tree-it Dee-Pott". There ain't no 'poe' in 'pot' if you speak American.

imissopus June 3, 2012 at 10:28 pm

Five hundred comments! Is there a troll lurking or was everyone just exceptionally bored today?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:23 pm

It's Sunday, dude.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 11:47 pm

13 fewer blog posts today than on the weekdays – time for peoplez to hang out and stretch the snark to the limit.

UW8316154 June 4, 2012 at 12:02 am

It's been a pleasant opportunity to focus on a single post, rather than the normal blizzard that our Editrix normally subjects us to.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 1:02 am

Srsly. Someone should tell the girl she can take those "other jobs" she's talkin' about to make the bux, and we'll mind te store over here and have a good time chawin' and yarnin'.

smokefilledroommate June 3, 2012 at 10:32 pm

I was thinking more this song or on a more solemn note, this may be more apropos.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 10:39 pm

Ha! That Rick Derringer song was probably playing on a loop in Breitbart's head every day and is a great choice.That would be a good one to overlay on the video of his STOP RAPING PEOPLE rant at CPAC.

I got to the 4th note of Ashcroft's song and stopped it. Just couldn't face it again.

Blueb4sunrise June 3, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Hey, this is deja vu…………but with more comments………

smokefilledroommate June 4, 2012 at 5:13 am

Nobody needs to listen to that! Have some more for you.. this has to be the quintessential Breitbart song!! and then sadly, one of my all-time favorites speaks of tiny fame in this case. Or the hourly blog cycle.

C_R_Eature June 4, 2012 at 5:36 am

BIG TIME!! Yeah, that's it, really.

Thanks, I forgot all about that video. I herd an interview with Peter Gabriel years ago about filming this. It took days, as I remember, because it's all Stop-Motion photography. The fish circling the platter next to his head really started to stink, under those stage lights.

Love that Billy Ward tune! The Government was actually hip enough to ban it back then? Someone must have tipped them off.

DustBowlBlues June 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Patriots my ass. These assholes are patsies for the corporate cocksuckers (the old man came up with that one) who have taken over the world.

The leftist intellectuals and hippies who have been waiting for the "real" revolution since the 1960s may finally get their wish. America is crazy. Crazy, and scary.

Isyaignert June 3, 2012 at 10:51 pm

Holeeeeee crapola!! I clicked on the article and it's true! OMFG why would someone make Breitbart look like Joan of Arc? Lay off the cheap drugs Patriot Depot (WTF?); you guys are are having a bad trip.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 11:05 pm

Of course you do. One never forgets their first goatse.

Negropolis June 3, 2012 at 11:11 pm

Totally OT, but the Michigan Supreme Court ruled the other day that they wouldn't be taking Detroit's marijuana legalization (one ounce of possession and use) referendum off the ballot, which pretty much means that the thing will pass. The city had been trying to block this for years; the city's election commission illegally kept it off the ballot in 2010, and it worked its way up to this verdict a few days ago. Anything that stops the prosecution of the War on Drugs is a good thing. Perhaps, now, the city willhave to find a better way to tackle issues of substance abuse when or before it happens without jailing every poor schmuck for getting caught with some smack on him or her.

ElPinche June 3, 2012 at 11:32 pm

Ah ! I love good news!

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 11:51 pm

With more and more states and municipalities discarding their non-violent reefer laws, no wonder the prison industry is so intent on busting as many "illegals" as they can. And considering that there are fewer "wetbacks" in the US than there have been in decades, expect the prison industry to demand that we bail them out.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 1:05 am

Good to hear that. This War on Drugs shit has done more harm to Teh Browns than good. Shit, it's screwed the whole country over.

Negropolis June 4, 2012 at 1:31 am

I know why DPD was so against this: They don't get to steal people's weed, anymore, and smoke it and/or sell it themselves. Fuck 'em.

BTW, this guy has been trying to get this on the ballot in the city since 2002, and was thwarted at every turn. Quite frankly, I'm surprised our Supreme Court followed the law. I only wish that this was being voted on in November instead of August when the boost from turnout is more needed. Still, there is a state push to get legalization on the ballot, but I doubt that one makes it. Anyway, I'll take any good social news where I can.

zedbot June 3, 2012 at 11:15 pm

Worst fake painting ever. Step it up Chinese painting factories!

BarackMyWorld June 3, 2012 at 11:38 pm

OT, but, seriously…Mad Men…what the fuck? I mean…what the fucking fuck?

Yes, like most American TV viewers, I assumed he'd give up after he couldn't get his car to start, as per TV/movie cliche usual, but…fuck.

(And I thought the scene with Sally in the restroom would be the most graphic thing we'd see in the whole series…WRONG, not even the most graphic thing in THIS episode.)

ElPinche June 3, 2012 at 11:41 pm

If only we could find out who would lay down $4K for one of these anatomically, historically, ethnically (jew as an nordic aryan??) inaccurate feces spread on canvas.

BTW Where are the jowls, the cocaine sweat, the size 55 cheeseburger stained Dockers, that perpetual pulsing vein of rage on his neck (that probably exploded that day), and that flushed face caused by 2 or 3 bottles of jack a day? If anything, this is an insult . The "artist" is clearly perfuming a turd.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Some of my best friends are anatomically correct. But not the Irish!

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 11:57 pm

And now for a moment of silence in memory of the political career of Thadpole W. McCotter.

TribecaMike June 4, 2012 at 12:03 am

"Last Tuesday, McCotter said he would run as a write-in candidate, but today he said 'one can’t clean up a mess multitasking.'” Uh, that makes a whole heap of sense. So long, dinosaur, and enjoy multitasking as a lobbyist!

Nevertheless, I'll light a candle for that hack in the Richard Dawkins Chapel of the Cathedral of the Holy Styrofoam Whippet.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 1:00 am

Is THIS the guy the Repuglycan'ts thought should run for POTUS? THAT Thad McCotter?

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:34 am

"RIght, Thad? We outta here."

ElPinche June 4, 2012 at 1:46 am

*Pours Arizona Iced Tea on ground* For Tadpole.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 4, 2012 at 12:27 am

“To those who (are) unhappy at this news, I’m sorry; to those happy at this news, you’re welcome,” McCotter concluded.

How about people who just think "oh, that fucking cunt with the guitar? meh."

Negropolis June 4, 2012 at 1:26 am

I am so, so, so very disappointed that he's not going to wage his scorched earth campaign. A lot of Republicans would, but he's sane enough to realize that he or someone on his staff could very possibly end up in jail when this investigation is through so it's best to lay low.

glamourdammerung June 4, 2012 at 6:42 am

I would not be surprised if dropping out was a condition for the state not throwing him in jail actually.

Negropolis June 4, 2012 at 10:47 pm

There has been talk of that, and I wouldn't doubt it.

TribecaMike June 4, 2012 at 12:38 am

Shades of the old country-western tune, "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"

Beat it, Ghost of Breitbart. It's not like more than a few dozen internet trolls even knew who you were when you were alive (if you can call that living).

Avada Cadabra!

alteredimages June 4, 2012 at 12:40 am

For the love of god please someone figuire out where the the mobile ipad scam popus are coming from and ban the poisoned ad! The name on the scammer changed but it is still coming through!

jtgillick June 4, 2012 at 1:50 am

hitler picture! just like hitler nordic knight pictures!
find one! post them together!
say nothing
the consies' ravings will say it all for you

Biel_ze_Bubba June 4, 2012 at 2:45 am

It's been done. (Props to Dashboard Buddah)
Just needs to be spread around on the TeaTard websites.

iburl June 4, 2012 at 1:51 am

We come from the land of the dense and slow,
From the Fox-o-sphere where the bullshit flows.
The Blather of the Cons will drive our hype to new highs,
To fight the poor, screeching and lying: Val Jowlla, I am coming!

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 4, 2012 at 2:47 am

In Ailesland did the Breitbart
A fill'ed money-dome decree :
Where Cash, the sacred river, ran
Through accounts measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.

C_R_Eature June 4, 2012 at 6:07 am

Nice Coleridge adaptation!

C_R_Eature June 4, 2012 at 6:00 am

Perfect meter. We need Axel Rose to sing this.

freddymcmurray June 4, 2012 at 2:18 am

at least they got the douchebag mullet right.

DahBoner June 4, 2012 at 7:21 am

That picture would look nice–on a male girdle….

thatsitfortheother1 June 4, 2012 at 9:01 am

Needz moar orange.

niblick77 June 4, 2012 at 8:34 am

Upon seeing the portrait I spewed jizz all over my monitor…………

thatsitfortheother1 June 4, 2012 at 9:13 am

Latent Republican formation?

DaRooster June 4, 2012 at 8:56 am

With such a sword… who needs arms?

thatsitfortheother1 June 4, 2012 at 9:00 am

Yet some people accuse the American right wing of being over the top.

Estproph June 4, 2012 at 9:27 am

You know what the Vikings were known for? RAPING PEOPLE!

Generation[redacted] June 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm

They certainly didn't BEHAAAAAVE THEMSELVES!

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ June 4, 2012 at 9:32 am

I don't mean to beat this theme to death, but four thousand goddamn dollars for something that came off an inkjet printer…

I am going to start a church; this job is too fucking easy, and all you have to do is learn some bible, and deny science.

subsum June 4, 2012 at 9:44 am

Made up white heroes for stupid white trash. Very appropriate. Now, do they know Breitbart was Jewish? I'm not sure they would be down with that.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Not sure of Breitbart's ethnicity or religion. His adoptive *parents* were Jewish, I know.

BornInATrailer June 4, 2012 at 9:55 am

Wow, I'm really late to this party.

I'm hoping somewhere in here someone did a "Release the Kokaine!" Clash of the Titans joke.

Generation[redacted] June 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I still prefer the stop-motion animated Breitbart.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Usually, I'm the latest one to show.

Estproph June 4, 2012 at 10:37 am

BTW it's not that his arms are short, it's the huge chips on his shoulders…

comrad_darkness June 4, 2012 at 11:27 am

Andrew is the new T-Rex can't reach anything meme!

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I await the palsied flailing of his tiny paws in indignation.

Generation[redacted] June 4, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Ok, sorry I was drinking by the pool all weekend and missed this. You can order a pack of postcards!

neiltheblaze June 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Oh please, he'd be too drunk and out of shape to lift the sword, for crissakes. He was a paunchy, drunken nobody.

And he's dead. We all die. Big whoop.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I don't understand the twittering frenzy with which this culture treats death. Although it's not just THIS culture, I suppose. My mother comes from a very different culture, and was once whining to me (from her well-appointed quarters in the Old Farts' Home) about how she was going to die. I said, "Ma — NO ONE gets out alive." That shut her up for all of ten minutes.

Srsly. All that is born, dies. We;re ALL going to die. Some of us sooner, most of us, later, but eventually, death comes to all. Even Methusaleh counted out the last of his days.

GortRay June 4, 2012 at 2:00 pm

So, this is a real, actual thing? My,my… So where's the mighty bottle of Absolut pouring down his filthy gullet?

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Ran out of paint.

Edith_Prickly June 4, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Wait, wait, wait – this is a real thing?? GET OUT OF HERE!! I thought one of you had just photoshopped Ghost Breitbart's head onto a still of Peter Dinklage from Game of Thrones.

Gotta say though, I'm loving the detail on his frost-tipped Viking-mullet hairdo.

Wile E. Quixote June 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Neez moar Thomas Kinkade!

Wile E. Quixote June 4, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Wow, with this poster David Bugnon has managed to demonstrate that he has even less of an idea of what the human body looks like and even less of a command of perspective than Rob Liefeld.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

That is SO vomitously bad that I might not have time for Wonketz today.

ttommyunger June 4, 2012 at 3:19 pm

I've got one of those. I call it a "Clit-Tickler". In Breitfart's case, it would be called a "Scrotum-Scraper", except he's dead now, right? Right…

lulzmonger June 4, 2012 at 6:02 pm

Jenkem is one hell of a drug.

Needs more rubby-stubble.

Also too: 701st!!!!!!!!

Nostrildamus June 4, 2012 at 6:52 pm

… 36″ x 48″ giclee on canvas, stretched and glazed …

I'll always picture AB stretched and glazed.

PNW_Kurt June 4, 2012 at 9:49 pm

As a commenter at Mock Paper Scissors pointed out, it looks as though most of the armor in the Breitbart image is literally a duplicate of portions of this artwork for the Assassin's Creed game. http://www.ign.com/images/games/assassins-creed-b

Original comment here: http://www.mockpaperscissors.com/2012/06/03/this-

Biel_ze_Bubba June 6, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Great find … we had the Breitbart photo already, so this completes the "lame mashup" verdict on this piece of trash-art.
I'm sort of hoping lots of GOPtards cough up the four grand, leaving them with less dough to contribute here in the real world.

outragedcitizen June 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

You know who else had a painting of himself as a heroic knight?
http://www.ushmm.org/propaganda/archive/painting-

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 4:57 pm

I know. I'm a *mean* fucker.

Barb June 3, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Thanks Star! I am pretty excited.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Essentially, the writer is pointing out that we are reverting to a standard used some years ago which permitted someone other than the patient and her attending physician to decide on a procedure that should be nobody's business but the patient's. And her attending physician's.

Young women today will have fewer rights over their reproductive systems and their health than most women have taken for granted since the 1960s.

Fare la Volpe June 3, 2012 at 5:57 pm

All manner of fungi can infect an unclean beak.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Nah, fell asleep in a puddle of vodka, and sprouted a brain fungus.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 6:02 pm

That's what I suspected. I guess I just didn't want to believe it.

Barb June 3, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Thanks Chich, you rock!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:36 pm

It's fire abatement season, and I have reinjured my shoulder from weeding extensively. BUT! There are tomatoes sprouting on my plants. (It's a miracle, I tellsya.) So I'm happy, mostly. (Hugs the little feathered one)

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Hard to believe, darls.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:00 pm

I read something very interesting recently, that you probably have already read — I forget the name of the author, but the title was Oh, What A Blow That Phantom Gave Me!. A delightful examination of cultural symbols and how they evolve and what they evoke. It sounds as if Clive James' book will be a tasty little feast of a similar sort. Thanks for the recommendation.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm

He's a good guy, that Clive is. And thanks for the info, which is new to me. I'll check it out.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Yeah, just like Bambi and … waitaminnit.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Hey, man, it's what I do, it's what I do. Just tryin' to edumacate all the lit majors here who always post literary references that make me scratch my head.

Barb June 3, 2012 at 7:41 pm

That's so sweet, thanks!

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 7:44 pm

It is really one of the most exciting things that happens ever, a new beautiful soul arriving in the world.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Oy.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 7:50 pm

I had tomatoes on my balcony, but the squirrels ate 'em. Go rest your little shoulder. (Hugs teh Z back)

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:02 pm

I've done that a few times.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Think how I feel! A furr'nurr who misses half the pop culture references! And spells "neighbour" wrong too, at least by your book. (Puts thumb to nose, wiggles fingers at pdog)

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:30 pm

Oh no, not at all. I just think that would make a marvelous invitation card.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:31 pm

Squirrels got ours last year. We double-wrapped in chicken wire/cages this year. FOUR! Yum!

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Oh, you earned that one, friend.

And thank you so much! That was perfect. What a voice – and he could go on like that for hours! He's no longer with us, I think?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:36 pm

It would. But you know what? I wouldn't even have to sign it, and they'd still know whom it came from. From whence it came. It's game on, wenches. Damn, I'm passing out from working too many hours in the hot sun yesterday. I was told brown people were immune.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm

S'no biggie, just give yer brain a little scrapin', and yer good to go out drinking the next night (or morning, whatevs)

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:38 pm

This one?

Absolutely.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

I know it sounds odd, but I take consolation in the fact that somewhere in an n-folded reality, the Ruler of Hell is posting plans on its equivalent of Wonkette as to the fates awaiting particularly unpleasant folks.

glamourdammerung June 3, 2012 at 8:42 pm

You don't understand the lingo. "Major US Holidays" is code for "No MLK day."

Usually they just throw in some "Confederate Memorial Day" nonsense on that date for extra stupidity.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 8:50 pm

(Slaps forehead) Of course! I should have understood that, I took at least two courses in CorpSpeak.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 8:53 pm

It is difficult being a Known Prankster at work as it's well-nigh impossible to get away with anything. I am routinely blamed for all kinds of outrageous and unseemly pranks. The fact that I am responsible for most of them is beside the point.

There's tricks to working outside in heat. You're got to remember that you've got a lower Albedo than those pallid Nordic types and it can work against you. The trick to it is to keep as much sun off you as possible – wear a big hat – loose light colored clothing (long sleeve fishing shirts are my fave) and keep a wet cloth on your neck (transfers hear from the neck artery fast). Drink a lot of water & lay off the diuretics and sports drinks. All that sun adds up and will sandbag you at the end of the day. I've been there.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Yes, I too am often accused of Committing Improprieties in Public. Simply shocking, I tell you, the kinds of accusations one must live with as a Known Troublemaker.

Those are words of wisdom, dude. I wish I'd abided by them yesterday, when I slid down the hill into a patch of nettles. It's tough being a (recent) gimp — I'm used to doing everything by myself, and for myself, and it still hasn't penetrated my skull that 60-degree slopes are kinda inherently unsafe in a hilly garden. But wet cloth. I will. I used to know this shit and do it right. And I've got fire inspection coming up.

Barb June 3, 2012 at 9:31 pm

That means a lot to be Biel, thanks!

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I was introduced to them as soon as I got away from my insane mother and started living a life of my own. It was all downhill from there. I credit them with my frivolous yet ancient attitude towards sanity.

starfanglednut June 3, 2012 at 9:34 pm

You caught 4 squirrels in cages? How did you cook them?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Oh god. I remember drinking and dancing ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG and in the morning we'd rush home, shower, change into something that didn't smell too disgustingly of cigarettes and booze, and rush to the office, put in a full day's work, and then go out carousing again that night. Just thinking about that makes me tired these days.

C_R_Eature June 3, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Or was it Dalek Caan?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 9:37 pm

No, he is not. But man, he could sing. I'm still looking for a replacement for that incredible voice and fusion technique. A four-octave range, classical Hindustani raga/jazz/mideastern melodies and vocal techniques. There are a lot of qawwali musicians, but there is only one Nusrat.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Yes, Levon Helm is greatly favoured in these heah pahts. I might have Carter Family on my Pod, but if not, I'll give it a listen.

I love Johnny Cash from the bottom of my heart and my wife's bottom also, as the bishop said to the actress.

Lately? I'm revisiting the Incredible String Band, I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed their music. Discovering that Mumbai HAD a jazz scene in the 50s. Mourning two other late greats — Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, and Cesaria Evora. I've been listening to Abida Parveen, who is a very talented exponent of Qawali music, but, really, there's no replacing the Fat Man. As for Cesaria Evora, is there anyone who could ever replace her? Oh, yes, and I'm looking for jongara bushi music, so if you come across any, be sure to pass it on.

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm

You have excellent taste. Ms. Evora is a household name in our household, and worshiped as the god she was. I was once in a string band that covered the Incredible String Band's "Amoeba Song," not the easiest tune to play on the washtub bass.

Oh, Lila Downs is a name I shoulda mentioned. She's a terrific singer and bandleader from Oaxaca, Mexico. And then there's Lydia Mendoza (1916- 2007) and "Papa" Lalo Guerrero (1916-2005), both giants of American Chicano music, and both sweet people with talent to burn and tons of fascinating stories to tell.

During my dad's memorial service a few years ago, one of his friends told a very funny story about hanging out in Tucson in 1956 with Johnny Cash and my dad one night and getting stinking drunk and tearing up the town and somehow talking themselves out of being thrown into the county jail. My old man never mentioned that story to me, which kinda pissed me off that he hadn't told me that story himself.

George Skullfry June 3, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Best wishes for a good trip and a better outcome, Barb.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Girl! We don't DO those fur-tailed rats for food in this house!

Biel_ze_Bubba June 3, 2012 at 11:18 pm

"Awaiting"?

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Must you keep putting the image of NotSoBrightBart's floppy, saggy, hairy, droopy tits in my brain?

Showed it to partner, who went, "Hmph. No bicep." and carried on working. He's right. The musculature is all wrong for a human body. That's one dude who shouldn't teach photoshop, ever.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Kalifornication doesn't sound very tempting.

flamingpdog June 3, 2012 at 11:30 pm

*sniff, tear rolling down cheek* fur-tailed rats ….

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:33 pm

OK. I have written down those names and will seek them out.

The Internetz is humanity's greatest invention so far. Thanks to UToobz, I can listen to music from a thousand different countries. Thank you for your contrinbution to my small fund of knowledge.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:34 pm

ISB's music sounds so sweet and simple, until you try to reproduce it. Although Mike Heron's voice has nothing like the range and power of, say, Diamanda Galas, singing some of his more esoteric work is quite the exercise for the voice!

TribecaMike June 3, 2012 at 11:38 pm

And thank you, MittBorg, for both your musical suggestions and most welcome wit.

Slay 'em with satire is my motto, and joke 'em if they can't take a fuck.

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Aw, pdog, you KNOW the crazy ones are the hottest in bed.

I remember reading a description of Kali performing her toilette, adorning herself with the remains of corpses, etc. (that could smell a bit), and thinking how much it sounds like a modern woman's routine (just different substances, is all).

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:02 am

Aw, now, pdog, it's OK (Hugs the pdog). We would never think of YOU as food.

TribecaMike June 4, 2012 at 12:13 am

As a rinky-dink singer meself, that's a secret I'd love to decipher: making the unnatural seem natural, and vice versa.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:13 am

Ah, right. Damn it, the devil is always in the … oh, ha ha, look, you're still here. Excuse me. Have to see a man about a dog, you understand.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:19 am

I'm not arguing with no crazy old bitch holding something sharp near my face.

I wonder if that's what Mitt Romney's victim thought about as he screamed for help and wept — that this fucker and his friends had something sharp near his face, and he could lose his sight, and/or his looks, such as they were.

Barb June 4, 2012 at 12:32 am

Thanks George! The baby is not yet born and I am climbing the walls right now. I gave birth to Victoria Grace in 42 minutes, from start to finish. The waiting is the hardest part.

Barb June 4, 2012 at 12:42 am

My son-in-law, Ian said that Victoria is about to be given something to help her to sleep.

Today is Rebecca's son's birthday. I was hoping they would be born on the same day. It is tomorrow where Victoria lives, Florida.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:45 am

The singer has an incredibly expressive voice.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:46 am

I know, isn't that a total fucking hoot? My French is far better than my Japanese (which ain't saying much), and I don't think I understood this song before, because Criterion (or maybe it's Kino?) didn't subtitle the song.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:51 am

Zatoichi! Or, as he's called in this house, "Ichi-san!" None of Shintaro Katsu's films had the incredible production values of a Kurosawa, but Katsu did his bit to popularize the face of a certain class in Japan. Not the lives of the aristocrats, or their soldiers the samurai, but the poor and marginalized people living on the fringes of the law.

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 12:54 am

My teacher (who could pick out a false note in a crowd of 100 singers and skewer the offender publicly and mercilessly) said the secret was relaxation. And he certainly seemed to have mastered it because god knows the old bastard smoked like a chimney and drank like a fish and could still perform the most amazing vocal acrobatics well into his 70s.

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:09 am

If I'm remembering my misspent yute, we *never* slept. The hoodlumy kids that went to my church used to party till the bars closed on Saturday night, then go to a diner for coffee, then go to the 5:30 am Mass on Sunday.

tessiee June 4, 2012 at 1:11 am

Right back atcha! [hugs the Artist Currently Known as MittBorg]

MittBorg June 4, 2012 at 1:16 am

Oh, we were *so* tuff, rolling up our teeshirt sleeves and sticking a pack of fags in there (really, it was because your jeans were so tight, everytime you farted it looked like a mouse was crawling down your leg). Drinking ourselves cross-eyed, and groping each other in bars full of deaf, screaming yutes being hammered by blasting loud music. What a life.

TribecaMike June 4, 2012 at 1:29 am

That's fantastic. I once heard Tony Bennett in a documentary say that Bing Crosby "arrived at being relaxed." A very astute and useful observation, though one of my favorite singers, Shane MacGowan, can barely arrive at standing up. I've literally seen him pushed on stage by roadies to the mic on roller skates, drunk as the proverbial skunk, and then proceed to sing like an angel for hours. Talent wins out, I suppose.

TribecaMike June 4, 2012 at 1:59 am

I love those movies.

C_R_Eature June 4, 2012 at 5:46 am

Ichi-san? What about Scratchy-san?

Barb June 4, 2012 at 2:02 am

Fuck you, you just made me cry. I've had it in me all afternoon and I just couldn't release it.

Please, tell me that you know that "lightening-fingered" comment wasn't directed at you at all, I swear that on Mitchelle Anderson's unborn life. It had nothing to do with you. Look back at the comments and you will see the proof and the link that shows my innocence. Just GO BACK AND LOOK, please.

I don't post snotty comments to you in secret or really, out in the open. I consider you the absolute wittiest person here. Your "Otis shrugged" is the best comment ever posted that I've ever seen here.

God, I hate being sober. I want to take that baby call and not say to my son-in-law, "I love you Ian!" "You made something of yourself!" LOL

I am willing to never again mention your false accusation if you just read the proof that you were mistaken and nod to yourself and realize that you made a little boo-boo. If you continue to make a false accusation against me after reading the proof, I am going to have to marry you and assure that the rest of your life will be a living hell.

We can only live on the wedding gifts for so long and then we are stuck dealing with each other. The choice is yours. Any Macy's gift cards are mine.

Barb June 4, 2012 at 2:10 am

Just remember, as shittified as things seem, Extemporanus as least we don't have Celine Dion, singing in the background of our lives. *shiver*

C_R_Eature June 4, 2012 at 5:37 am

Really. Much too fine for the likes of Breitbart.

starfanglednut June 4, 2012 at 8:37 am

How is everybody doing today?

GemlikeFlame June 4, 2012 at 12:49 pm

The poster version wold make a great dart board (hell, even replace my well shredded Bill Gates target), but the full bleed $4K version practically demands an indoor archery/gun range to go with it. I think it's a small enough price to pay, I'll just convert this bomb shelter I've had around since the early 60s.

I do think it's ironic that even when tarted up by a very sympathetic artist's brush, the figure still screams dimwit flaming jackass. Now, could somebody do me a Roger Ailes?

starfanglednut June 4, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Thanks, dbj. And you haz teh awesome too!

Barb June 4, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Things are good, Star. Thanks for asking.

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