detroit rock city and etc.

Important Wonkette Party Announcement: It Is Your Turn, Detroit

Look at these fucking yuppiesHello Detroit! (And Chicago? Windsor? Old Milwaukee? Kirsten’s family in Madison? Cleveland? Erie, Pennsylvania? Gary, Indiana? Toledo? Hell, HELLO ENTIRE MIDWEST!) Are you ready for your Wonkette Drinky Thing and Meetup? OF COURSE YOU ARE, DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! Your Wonkette will be hosting you for — as is our deal — the first 10 pitchers plus some platters of fried things!

We are doing this next Saturday, June 9, specifically so you have all the time in the world to drive in from hell and back, and we shall call the time, mmmm, 7 p.m.! We will meet up at The Bronx Bar, 4476 2nd Ave., Detroit 48201. We will see you there unless we see you first! (That is how it works, in mean jokes about hating people.)

Please be sure to pack an extra liver.

Rebecca Schoenkopf,
Editrix

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About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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304 comments

      1. DrunkIrishman

        This is how serial killers lure innocent victims to their death via Craigslist.

          1. MittBorg

            (Kisses DrunkIrishman on both cheeks – UPPER, ya slags, git yer minds out of the gutter!)

            I haven't heard a come-on *that* sinister since Ted Bundy, darls. And I'm sure you'll understand if I decline the invite. (Checks locks on doors, alarm system, loads guns)

      1. hippie13

        Yes we pick them up off the ground after tourists badmouth our town and then tell us when and where they are going to be!

    1. TribecaMike

      Actually, those are the original members of MC5. And that's Alice Cooper in the middle.

        1. ThundercatHo

          When I was a teenager I had a picture of him and his snake taped to my bedroom ceiling. Yesterday, I read that he's a republican. WTF?

    2. hippie13

      No we are much prettier than that..and we sure as shit don't drink non bubbling champagne that wouldn't be served at a mormon wedding.

    3. zeebanaybuh

      You're right, they don't live in Detroit. They're your typical rich, white, young people from Oakland County who drive downtown to party. The D is packed with them damn near every night of the week.

      1. Beowoof

        June is the best time of year to be here. Enjoy some wings and Genny Cream. Maybe even a Bocce's Pizza.

        1. Crank_Tango

          Was planning on pizza from Nino's (I worked there as a kid), some beef on weck from Schwabels for the GF, and possibly a sub or two. I can make wings at home or score them out here, but a good sub on the left coast is like a unicorn.

          And I have NEVER had genny cream! We used to get beer ball's of regular genny, but never the cream ale. Oh I suppose I must have had it once or twice. But what I am wondering, is what delights does the duty free have in store for me, since we will be visiting canada city too?

          1. glasspusher

            True that sub comment- I've found one decent sub place here in Oakland but have to drive 45 minutes to Sunnyvale for a goo NY pizza (the guy is from Brooklyn)

        2. mercianomad

          +1 for the Bocce's (or Milano's – kind of the same thing), but I'd bet the official Buffalo beer has long been some variety of Labatt's or Molson.

  1. Barb

    Be sure to use the flash before you take and then post the photos of this par-tay! Especially on any pictures of your incredibly perfect breasts.

    1. Crank_Tango

      No kidding. Who does a bay area have to blow to get a meetup around here? All of'em, katie?

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        I can't see the reply! The commenting system seems a little busted in that particular comment thread.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          I know; this sucks; the reply is buried in other replies to a comment of Wookies', the one we exchanged about "LOL", which should come to the top of the queue after clicking on "Last Activity."
          Or email Becca, for I've contacted her. FWIW this is not a stalking endeavor! reply to me there once you've located it. Basically I've been writing back & forth w/ Radio; his last letter wanted to know if you & another wonketteer might pass along mailing info that he could write you too. He is doing well. I'm going to check email now to see if Becca is willing to have you forward addy to her for exchange. Also I think he'll understand if you'd rather not — there are privacy issues lately and folks are virtual friends but literal strangers here! It's different w/ me & Rad b/c he & I actually met so we have that trust. Let me know if you have more questions, I'll be up for a bit.

          1. MittBorg

            Please give my regards to Radio and tell him there's a hug or two waiting for him when he gets back, Mumblety. I have no idea why he's gone or where, I think it happened while I was out of the country. My email address is my blog name at g mail, and I'm pretty sure I gave it to him, but it never hurts to do it again. Many thanks.

          2. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Found and understood.

            Hum. I've emailed our pulchritudinous editrix with a contact email address for me, which hopefully she'll pass on.

            A bit of a pain for our editrix, but let's see what happens. I'm happy to pass out contact detail to some people here but you understand that I don't want to just post it straight out.

          3. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Done and dusted. Our new Editrix was amazing as usual (if anyone had any doubts … forget 'em. She's ace) and job done.

    2. BarackMyWorld

      Didn't you just have one?

      Sorry, but all us midwesterners think Los Angeles and San Francisco are 5 minutes away from each other.

    3. Steverino247

      Uh, I'll be up there sometime in late July, early August. That's the best I can do.

    4. glasspusher

      If you all are game, me and Ms glasspusher would join a bay area get together- who else is open for next Sat? East bay? SF?

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Woo! East Bay Represent! I'm in Walnut Creek, but can do the city as well.

          1. glasspusher

            I like it. 7 pm on Sat? 8? Are you paying attention, Bay area Wonketeros? We don't need no steenkin badges!

          2. glasspusher

            If anyone's interested in Jupiter (or Saturn, I have an 18.5" (telescope, amongst other things))

          3. glasspusher

            …but I'm also thinking of Serika in Orinda, also easily accessible by the bartness

  2. bumfug

    Damn, that's just what it looked like at the LA party – the champagne, nobody but smiling white folks all dressed in the latest fashions…

    1. BearNoLike

      And that chick on the left looking like she's about to gnaw off some model-face for breakfast. Noms!

  3. flamingpdog

    Well, it's not quite the happy post I begged for in the last post, but still good news, editrix! I just hope you'all are celebrating Scott Walker's defeat and subsequent arrest. Or even win and subsequent arrest!

  4. Chichikovovich

    Barring any last-minute conflicts, I'll be there. I don't drink, so I can also drive people from the area about an hour west of Detroit and back if they need to hop a ride.

    Edit: Ah, June 9 and not June 8. Hmmm. There may be a conflict after all, but I should be able to make the last hour or so at least, when everyone else is getting "tired and emotional". I'll be able to break up the fights and persuade the police not to haul anyone in.

    1. commiegirl

      Don't you dare speak of last-minute conflicts! YOU ARE THE GREAT CHICHIKOVICH! YOU WILL BE THERE!

      1. flamingpdog

        He's embarrassed to tell you, Editrix, but Saturday's the night he washes his hair.

    2. Barb

      Look away everyone, I need to say something to Chich, lol

      Chrissy sent part 2 of the email.
      Hey, we saw Dr. [redacted] for our last appointment. The plan is for Mina to be sent to [redacted, another hospital] right after delivery by ambulance. She will be started on pros to keep her heart from closing the PFO that would naturally happen after birth. She will be evaluated to see if she'll need open heart surgery or just monitoring. Dr. [redacted] said she could be at [redacted] from a couple days to maybe 3 weeks depending on what happens. He said this heart issue is so rare, there is no standards to it. We toured the NICU and the area where kids recover from surgeries. I can stay with her after I'm discharged 2 days later from [redacted], as long as there are open rooms.

      So that's as much as we got. Dr. [redacted] thinks she'll come early due to already being 50% effaced. She's measuring 6 lbs right now. So she will be tiny like Ains.
      —————————————————–

      I have the GREATEST faith that things are going to be awesome! I'm going to be a Granny! [my feelings on that stupid name-redacted]

      1. chascates

        Jeebus, now I'm terrified! As an atheist I don't pray but I will sacrifice several PBRs in support!

        1. Barb

          That's very sweet, thanks! I had a crying jag earlier and now I am back to having great hope.

          It's so strange having two daughters due to have babies on the same day. People ask where I will go first. Where do you go? You just take the phone with you to the bathroom and wait to see what is going to happen next.

          1. chascates

            I know a lady who was named Minnie but in her twenties insisted on being called 'Me-Nay'.

          2. Barb

            That is an awesome name, Chas. I tried to talk Chrissy into naming the baby Amelia and calling her Mia. Then I tried to bribe her into naming the baby Barbara.

            Mina is "mee-nah" I bet she gets called Mina=Mine-ahh her whole life, lol.

      2. Chichikovovich

        How exciting! I'll be wishing you all the best. There are nervous moments with a premature child, but neonatal care today can do astonishing things. I promise I won't call you granny more than two or three times by accident.

        I recommend getting one of those intricate rocking chairs that kind of slide back and forth – they have them in maternity stores. I loved rocking the kids in it so much that it's still my favorite chair. So comfy.

        Edit: Oh, by the way: Are you hopping on the flight tomorrow?

        Edit II: Or, if you toured the NICU, perhaps you're already there?

        1. Barb

          I live in New Mexico and Chrissy lives in Delaware and Victoria is in Florida. I am torn between daughters and refreshing the Travelocity page every 3 minutes. I've always wondered what that "shit or go blind" thing means and now I know!

          1. valgal2342

            Wow, that's a lot going on! Wishing you and your daughters the best Barb! Safe travels and here's to beautiful babies and everyone coming out healthy, happy and high spirited. Cheers!

        2. BerkeleyBear

          To pile on (with positive vibes) NICUs are amazingly advanced and get some incredible results these days, and generally are staffed by some pretty awesome nurses. Six pounds is actually on the border of full term "good weights" (6 and a half) and a lot bigger than the smaller ones I've seen (they get preemies under 3 pounds up to speed on a regular basis these days). The heart is obviously the wildcard, but sounds like she's got a good team on it.

          1. Barb

            Thanks BB. The thing that breaks my heart is that Christine's baby will be taken away to another location. I'm thinking about making a great sacrifice and going to the hospital and offering to get Christine's IV of painkillers and resting in her bed for 2 days while she goes to take care of business. The recovery is very important. I know, I am a selfless hero.

          2. Barb

            Thanks Fare! I was a good mommy who never spoiled my daughters with an allowance. If they brought me a wine cooler I would tip them very generously.

          3. Geminisunmars

            Barb, I've thought from the details of your life that I've gleaned that you live a soap opera life, and now this – 2 daughters concurrently preggers and due same day, and with all the attendant complications – wow. Can I interview you and write up a script for a new tv show, or maybe just go to reality show – you're much more interesting than all those vapid Cartrashycan shows.

            What I'd really like to say, though, is that I'm praying to the Hot Goddess of Incredibile Women to give you and your daughters the strength and stamina to get through it all to the joy side. Welcome to Grammy-hood.

          4. Barb

            Do I get to pick which actress gets to play me in this show that no one will ever watch? Will I have a best friend who is a rich housewife who hoards coupons that she found in an abandoned storage shed near where she hunts for crocodile?

            Thanks for the well wishes.

          5. Geminisunmars

            You can pick amongst these three: Roseanne Barr, Whoopee Goldberg, or Betty White.I like your idea for a side-kick. I wonder if Kristin Wiig is available.

          6. Barb

            I have episode one:

            Some person called me last night past 11 P.M. and hung up on me. Now they are driving around and butt-dialing me every 10 minutes. I want to call them and ask them to cut it out. They seem to have children in the car. What if she knows me and named me the guardian of these kids and she crashes her minivan when she reaches for the phone to take my angry call?

            These kids sound like a gaggle of butt-plugs and I don't want to raise them.

          7. Geminisunmars

            Episode 2: The police track these people to you via the butt-dialing phone, and you are forced to attend the funeral for the entire family, still not knowing who they are. When the brakes are discovered to have been tampered with you become “the person of interest.” Hilarity ensues.

      3. BelleSC

        "I have the GREATEST faith that things are going to be awesome! I'm going to be a Granny! [my feelings on that stupid name-redacted] "

        My niece called my mother "Mimi" for reasons I won't bore you with now. Now my G-kids call me that. Carrying on the legacy, don't cha know. (I refuse to let anyone call me granny.) ;-)

        Sending strong, positive thoughts to you and yours.

        1. Barb

          Belle, Victoria's son is going to call me "Mimi" I spent my life taking care of everyone else and now it's all about "me me"

      4. MittBorg

        Oh, my. Here's wishing only good things to the baby and her mamma, her big sister, and her daddy. And also to the other daughter waiting in the wings with her almost-baked-and-ready baby.

          1. Fare la Volpe

            Far left has Bachmann eyes.

            She's scoping for a closet case of her own to knock her up.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      That's why you need a stunt liver. For special occasions, such as liveblogged debates and so on.

  5. chascates

    Please, PLEASE come to Austin!!!! I have pull in the bartending community (possible small bar open only for us) and can probably provide vittles snacks.

      1. flamingpdog

        I had some awesome Barb-eque in Austin back in 1989 at some shack off the beaten path. Wish I could remember where.

        1. chascates

          In Austin: Iron Works, House Park, Ruby's, Green Mesquite, Stubbs, Franklins, Sams (closed).
          In Lockhart: Kreutz, Blacks, Smittys,
          Out of Austin/Suburb: Salt Lick, County Line
          My present locale of Taylor: Mueller's, Rudy Mikeska (closed)

          1. ElPinche

            Don't forget Bastrop. Elmer Dinkleys Widdlerhouse
            Actually I heard Paul Rudd showed up in some bar in Bastrop , of all places, this week.

          2. chascates

            I left out Coopers in Llano as well. I live close to Snow's in Lexington but haven't made it yet.
            And we haven't even started in on Tex-Mex.

          3. ElPinche

            Salt Lick in Driftwood …that's just a nice little drive down 1826 to me. If I black out and I could just crawl my way back to the casa.

      2. chascates

        It will be much more enjoyable in the fall. We have 90 degree days in November and December but hey.

        1. flamingpdog

          I was there in October. It was loverly. A little humid for my western tastes, but not knock-down, drag-out, mid-summer humidity.

        1. Designer_Radio

          Watching the 30yr old rerun of Roy Orbison's "Austin City Limits" makes me want to pack up my family and move from the breadbasket to your neck of the woods. That guy was magic, and your town seems to attract the musicians.

          1. chascates

            Austin used to be a cheap place to have fun and was tolerate towards hippies/beats/whatever. There are shitloads of support services/business for musicians as well. I consider Roy Orbison one of the Gods of Music and he was an incredible human being from what I've heard. AND there are over 800 ACL shows available online: http://austincitylimits.com/acl-tv

            KOOP.org is our great community radio station and we have a super classical music and experimental music scene, my personal fave.

            REBECCA, I think you really, really need to set up a party in Austin. Probably October.

    1. Redgyal

      I concur. Austin is a good idea. And Salt Lick is my vote for location. Although I am hearing from Austinites that the warehouse district is nice these days so maybe something there. As a Houstonian, I wouldn't know. I just repeat what they say.

    2. horsedreamer_1

      SouthXSouthWONK 2013. Wonkette showcase at SXSW. Rebecca can bring the Vandals, Newell can kidnap some go-go artists & put them on a Greyhound to Texas… There could be Wonkette fave Rachel Maddow to host, with fellow NBC employees the Roots to jam between sets.

  6. C_R_Eature

    Well Hell, I'm not going to be in that Geographic Area until the middle of June, so I'll have to beg off of this one. I will send you out Good Thoughts and a Drinking Song.

      1. C_R_Eature

        This makes me happy and, hopefully, ameliorates somewhat the egregious "Central Scrutinizer" posting earlier, Which We Will Not Speak Of Again.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Oh, I thought the party train was already in New Jersey — isn't it the electric golf cart train that takes the tourists up and down the boardwalk in Cape May?

  7. CountryClubJihadi

    Although my dearly departed 'S.O." is buried in Detroit, I would like to host the Silicon Valley party and the drunken walking tour of Steve Jobs' and Mark Z's houses at a later date.

  8. chascates

    The few times Layne had those things in DC the pictures were mainly of smashed beer cups and vomit-covered floors. Please use something other than a phone to take pictures. Or invite that lovely yoginni tall-drink-of-water that used to do the videos in DC.

  9. Barb

    When the party comes to Albuquerque, I insist that Rebecca and her son stay with us and that we have the party at our house. I will pet and spoil and pamper her like she is a newborn kitten.

      1. Barb

        Love the new avatar! Did you know that you are the first person who ever followed me on Wonkette and you are my forever secret crush?

        I hate having to spell "Albuquerque." I spend so much time at Fed Ex, shipping things to my daughters and it just takes me forever to fill out those forms.

          1. Barb

            Where is "up here?"

            Lol @ Alba. The actress, Jessica Alba made a snotty remark to the press about her long months in Albuquerque, while making a movie and how bored she was. She was in Alamogordo. Duh!

          2. flamingpdog

            REMEMBER THE ALAMOGORDO!!!1!

            Up here in the Square State, right above you there in the Square State With a Little Dingy on the Bottom.

          1. Barb

            Trampn! Did you know that there is a "Truth or Consequences" in New Mexico? They entered a contest to see who was testicle-ballsy enough to change the name of their town and they won AND they lost.

        1. Spurning Beer

          I have a silver belt buckle that was a childhood gift from a family friend who was from Albuquerque.

          We called him "Uncle Tex." I can't explain.

          I love you too, Barb. I take a lot of credit for having recognized your greatness early on.

          1. Barb

            Take all of the credit. I'm just here for the swag bags. I need some freckle cream and some almond M&Ms and I am happy.

          2. starfanglednut

            Mmmm, almond M&M's are the best!

            Holy crap, I just tried to type "teh", and misspelled it as "the". WTF?

            Oh, and I hope all goes well for you and your family. I'm around if you need anything.

        2. BTWBFDIMHO

          Al-buker-ke, when? We'd drive from Santa Fe or Fort Worth, as long as you find a bar that allows mini-poodles in.

          1. Barb

            Do you have any photos of these mini-poodles? I would love to see them and so would my monkeys.

    1. ttommyunger

      Jeez, Barb, you are a brave woman. You realize there is a fine line between bravery and insanity, right?

  10. fuflans

    you know, i would have considered chi to detroit but we are going to be in a wedding next weekend.

    this is sad.

    however, please when you swing back to the midwest (after the oligatory atlantic tour), please stop in chi (and we'll make sure fucking barry isn't DESTROYING TRAFFIC AGAIN).

    d.c. i don't know how you do it.

    1. Chichikovovich

      There's still hope. Since gay marriage is destroying the institution altogether, maybe the wedding will be cancelled, because of the one last weekend.

      1. fuflans

        HA! well this one is in chicago and it's hetero and all these people know each other and are Very Liberal. so i'm not sure an equivalency curse will apply.

        BUT!! the bride has been married before (for 18 years in fact and has a six year old) so clearly it's not…pure

        or american.

    2. payton

      what I've found, having moved from Chicago to the doorstep of Barry's indoor b'ball court, is that no one here loses their shit every time some VIP needs to circle the block. leaders of the free world (and tax-squandering Republicans, too) come and go, they get their little motorcades that everyone waits around a few minutes for, but nobody shuts down freeways for hours or scrambles in extra fighter jets on their behalf.

  11. Callyson

    Have fun, those of you who are going–I went to the Los Angeles party and it was fun.

    Yo, Wonkette, there will be an encore, right? ;-)

  12. chascates

    And remember to click on the ads so Rebecca won't have to hitchhike. AGAIN!

    Her Nightmare Is Only Beginning
    Oh, shit, isn't everyone's? Does Ken get a discount if he advertises his book here? Hey, you can probably trade ad space to fast food chains for trade-outs! Your son would love you for it. Just don't get stuck with Jack-in-the-Box.

          1. MittBorg

            You KNEW I'd click on that, din'tchu? I'm going to an early grave, and I'm leaving a statement blaming you and Flamingpdog. It'll be in all the papers.

            Not that anybody READS papers anymore, but, you know, whatever.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Well la-dee-da, Mr. Skinandbones. You don't have to go flaunting your hot bod in our faces like that.

        (scarfs a few more pizzas)

          1. Fare la Volpe

            …I deny nothing.

            Also, there's a reason "pizza night" is Marcus' favorite night of all.

    1. MittBorg

      Only with more drugs, booze, wrinkles, gray hair, and DRUGS. (Yeah, I know I said that twice, you wanna make somefing of it?)

  13. C_R_Eature

    I'm imagining that the Detroit Wonkette Drinky thing will turn out to be a lot like This.

    Probably not, but you can say it was, anyway…

      1. Designer_Radio

        That makes me want to watch the "Kill Bill" movies. Or any Tarrantino, really.

        edit: And if that's how the Wonkette party is gonna go down, I'm curious as to if taking that obvious cocktail of LSD, PCP, bath salts, martinis, and Date Rape Drugs is not only fun, but memorable?

  14. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "all the time in the world to drive in from hell and back"

    Much appreciated, Rebecca.

  15. SayItWithWookies

    I was in Detroit once. In January, in a house randomly cast about with beagle poop. I was getting rabies vaccinations because I had been bitten by a bat a few days earlier and spent a day helping my friend set up an art exhibit — at Cranbrook. And I swear all of that is true.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        I ended up in much better shape than the bat, which turned out not to have rabies. And actually the visit was in the spring, not January — it just seemed like January since there was still snow everywhere.

    1. Chow Yun Flat

      Anyone who has spent much time in Detroit–or just southeast Michigan–would find helping set up an arts exhibit at Cranbrook while getting bitten by a non-rabid bat and dodging beagle poop isn't at all unusual.

  16. TribecaMike

    Alas, I won't be able to make it to your soiree, but I look forward to a future confab on Kolob, if the Mormons can ever decide if it's a planet or a star. I'm not a fashionista, but it would be important to know such things before choosing what to wear.

    As for Detroit, it's a rocking town with a fun art and music scene. I like to think of it as the next best thing to Kansas City, MO, another great underappreciated city. Here's to the underappreciated cities!

    1. BarackMyWorld

      Seems like you can't throw a rock anymore around K.C. anymore without hitting a Mormon temple.

      1. TribecaMike

        It helps in aiming those rocks that many of them are lit up like the sun all night.

  17. BTWBFDIMHO

    Dear Editrix, re: pictures, can you make the site more pix-friendly, plis, plis? I mean, pics and gifs in comments, what about that? Hey, let's blog as if it was 1999!

  18. Barb

    My clan served hors d'oeuvre on the Mayflower and the Titanic. Hell, I am pretty sure my kin slept after texting pictures of their naughty bits and caused the Titanic to slam into the iceberg. It's all good.

      1. Barb

        Trampn, I swear to God, may I be struck dead of I am lying. My phone just rang (11:06, my time.) My heart was in my throat when I answered. It must have been a wrong number. Yeah, I need this stress.

  19. Barb

    Miss Beccka–Becki-Stan?
    Will we be seeing the Mitt photos that Josh solicited 2 days ago, with the Mitt Romney apps that we were asked to submit and the Bush White House portrait photo submissions?

  20. Lynne

    Juneau, Alaska has the best microbrewery ever! You should plan a party here. We'd welcome you warmly.

      1. flamingpdog

        No need for a guided tour – she could just go out and leave surveyors marks along the compound's fence. Juneau what I mean?

      2. Lynne

        Wasilla (fortunately) is over 560 miles away from Juneau. Not far enough actually. It also involves an 80 mile ferry ride, a drive through part of Canada (if you're not a felon), and then we could all place the surveyors marks together…a bonding experience.

  21. SaintRond

    I wish Wonkette would throw one of these parties in Mexico City. I so know I'd get laid.

  22. Tsunami Ali

    Wish I could go to Detroit but it is too far – Can y'all do one in Florida? I know there are some fellow sonshine staters here on the Wonkett.

    Have fun!

    1. Spurning Beer

      I live in the part of Florida that is not known for face-eating. (We're known for clinic bombings.) In the time it would take me to drive to Gainesville or Tampa, I could drive to Nashville or Houston. I could probably get to Chicago or Detroit quicker than Miami.

      All of which brings up the question, why don't I just drive someplace the hell away from Florida?

  23. ProgressiveInga

    Whatever you do, do NOT come to Atlanta. People are crazy here. Real "letter to the editor" from the Saturday AJC:
    "Obama pales when compared to Romney. It is impossible for Mitt Romney to reciprocate President Barack Obama’s recent attacks regarding his business experience. Why? The president has absolutely none. He went from scholarship student to community activist to politician. Romney grew up in a hardworking household and spent time in austere conditions learning a foreign language and culture, and interacting with everyday folks. He has had vast experience in both the public and private sectors. Obama is rhetoric and theory without substance. So who is better qualified to tackle this country’s dire economic problems?"

    The wormhole to the Alternate Universe has been breached. Stay away. Yikes!

    1. JustPixelz

      "Obama pales…"

      Whiter Obama will do better with Repubicans.

      Reagan went from studio employee to union boss to corporate spokesman to politician. Plus a divorce. The Repubicans must HATE HATE HATE him.

    2. MittBorg

      I went to Atlanta once. Not a single white person would look me in the face. It was a very unnerving experience, and I will never go there again.

      1. Butch_Wagstaff

        I have only been once and it was during friggin' August. Felt like I was melting every time I left a air conditioned space.
        It was a Upward Bound trip and where did they decide where we should go?
        Six Flags Over Georgia. I still hate roller coasters.
        Stone Mountain. That great monument to the Klan and the Konfederacy that's carved on the side of what is nothing but just a really, really big rock. We went to see their cheesy laser light show (do they still even do that?). Thankfully, a big thunderstorm came through so they had to end the show prematurely.
        The only good thing I recall about that trip was that there were a lot of hot boys around.

        1. MittBorg

          Sounds like the trip wasn't *totally* wasted, darlz. At least I hope you scored.

          It was the weirdest fucking experience being surrounded by white people who would not make eye contact. The first person who actually looked at me during the entire time I was there was a very suave and distinguished-looking (read HOT) Frenchman dressed to the eyeballs in a cream silk shirt and a beautifully-styled raw silk jacket. Tres-tres, if you get my drift. In fact, I was so grateful when he smiled at me, I almost did him right there on the airport lounge seats.

    3. Dr_pangloss

      Uhgg.. wow the brain damamge this quote inflicts might cause me to lose the last remaining cells holding my eyeballs focused. Thanks Mister!

    4. horsedreamer_1

      A paid-for mission house in Paris is harder scrabble than a canitorium in Indonesia?

    5. BarackMyWorld

      That's one of the saner arguments I've read, though.

      Sadly, businessman worship is still pretty mainstream, and there's no mention of communism, birth certificates, or Muslims.

  24. ttommyunger

    Like this pix will have the slightest resemblance to the Par-Tay. You should be sued for false advertisement. I would suggest future promotions use a shot from the bar scene in Star Wars to avoid legal action. FIXED!

  25. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Don't forget Mineeapolis. You can stay at my house as long as you don't mess with the cat and flush the toilet.

          1. Monsieur_Grumpe

            For you Mr Borg…. always friendly. It's an expression of frustration with myself. That is all.

  26. Fare la Volpe

    Who all is going to be there? Because I will, but unless I know some motherfuckers at a party I get super nervous and flustered and then I start blushing and then the only way to make it stop is to drink tons and have sex with something.

    And I've said too much.

    Please come see me, bitches. Rebecca's gravitas intimidates me (I can only assume she'll be dressed as Eartha Kitt up there in the new logo).

    1. ThundercatHo

      I will be there and so will my adorable husband. We can't wait to meet you and all the other Wonks. I feel kind of intimidated too because everyone here is so smart and well informed.

    2. Designer_Radio

      It's Wonketeers! You'll get hugs and gooses and prods and touches (lovingly, not priest-ily, unless by request). Then you'll all form a drum circle and sing your favorite labor movement songs. That's just a warm-up for the sweat lodge (you can leave any time you want) where you'll imbibe religious-quality peyote buttons and become one with the Democratic party. Not a dry Depends in the house.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        (lovingly, not priest-ily, unless by request)

        So you're saying I shouldn't come dressed in my sexy altar boy outift? Interesting…

        1. MittBorg

          No, no, no, no, no! Who said that?

          Come any way you want. (Note to fellow-Wonketteers who WILL be attending: Video. Lots of video.)

      2. Mumbletypeg

        WIN. D_R, Radiotherapy sends his greetings. I had another letter from him today — we are "pen pals" while he completes his rehab. He is 'abstaining' from wonkette but craves letters and mentioned you in this latest, as he learned you had changed your handle for support, which he found moving, but also describes you as a "convergent evolution type" to him [? his words] based on earlier comaraderie. I am in the awkward position of soliciting mailing addy info from a handful of commenterati he requested by name. If you are inclined to push pen across paper in his direction or crank out thoughtful memos to him on the typey machine, reply to me somewheres and we'll figure it out. (I have email notification alerting me to replies — hopefully you do too?)

        1. Designer_Radio

          That sounds good. I hope things are going well for Radio. How should I get you my email?

          Not sure exactly what he means by "convergent evolution", but it could be my obsession with RoboCop and strongly held belief that humans are going to continue to become less biological and more hybridized with technological advances and machinery over time that he's picked up on (I'm a huge nerd). Something like this: http://goo.gl/HAxkd or this: http://goo.gl/AzBxa or this: http://goo.gl/qPuYv .

          1. Mumbletypeg

            Not sure exactly what he means by "convergent evolution"

            I think it refers to things like both of y'all's appreciation for bands named "DIM" or "Rim" you two had conversed about one early-ish post?

            btw, love your website! left a message~

          2. Designer_Radio

            Thanks! I got your message. I sent one to your email late last night, and you can use my email to correspond. The band is "Hum". I remember that conversation with Radio, good times.

    3. vodkamuppet

      I should be there, as long as I don't get blasted on grain alcohol while watching the Tigers game before hand and pass out by 7. Oh fine, I'll stick to vodka.

  27. Terry

    Deeeetroit City!*

    * – I have kin in Detroit and when I check in at the airport I pronounce it as Deeeeetroit City. In all my trips up there, not a single airline agent has gotten the reference. Heathens, the lot of them.

  28. ThundercatHo

    If that's how you guys really look I'll be in a booth, in the corner, in the back, in the dark.

      1. ThundercatHo

        That was actually a Flip Wilson/Geraldine reference from a skit done with Joe Namath but you were just an ova then.

  29. a_pink_poodle

    I'm still waiting for a Seattle Wonkette party! And don't half ass it and put it in Portland! Those hippies can bicycle up to where the real Pacific Northwest hub is for all I care!

  30. FlownOver

    Kansas, unfortunately, is a bit farther from Detroit than is hell (otherwise it's hard to tell the diff.)

    I'll see you when you have the gumption to invade Brownbackistan, or KC at least.

    1. hippie13

      Hell, Michigan only about an hour outside the city and the best place in the world to postmark your xmas cards from.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      I'm not worried. The Republicans tell me the doctors will sew me up in exchange for 3 chickens. So let's party!

      1. MittBorg

        Well, yeah, but if Rebecca mistakenly takes your ACTUAL CURRENT WORKING liver, it's not gonna be any good sewing you up, then, is it? You mark my words, Young Doctor Nick. It's all guns and roses out there. Or something.

  31. HedonismBot

    Is Wonkatwoman (Wonkette's sexy new logo vixen) going to be at the party? I'll go if she does.

  32. MilwaukeeKent

    Damn. Wisconsin Dem convention on 8/9th in Appleton WI (either greatest hoot or worst bummer). Leave at Noon the 9th, drive past my house, hell-bent for leather, and could just make Detroit — about closing time, actually before if nothing goes wrong. Drive past my house again on the 10th for a TPM meet-up in Madison that night, stop at home to let the dogs out (for Mitt), then drive to Toronto with my 87 yo old mother on the 11th/12th (with an overnight in Ann Arbor) on a mission from God to find my long-lost brother wandering the streets somerwhere in Toronto…
    I COULD make this work with a six-hour adjustment somehow, but damn it, no. I want my flying car/jet pack!

    1. hippie13

      They would pick a bar named after another city though…it is a decent place though.

    2. ThundercatHo

      No, no, come on. Most of us are probably shy and nervous about meeting new people but at least we already know each other and there is free beer and fried food. What could be better? Besides, we can't let those sissy L.A. people show us up, they can't even drive in the snow.

    3. vodkamuppet

      I really hope Charlene isnt bartending, that woman is the most racist person on the planet. She shouldnt be though.

  33. Tundra Grifter

    What? Detroit hasn't suffered enough?

    Psych! I'm just jealous – next stop San Francisco?

    Please?

    1. MittBorg

      Well, let's face it, if the Wonketz party were being held in AZ, any dusky-hued ravisher who attended would risk being stopped and possibly jailed under that law.

  34. Dr_pangloss

    When you come to Philadelphia, both birth and afterbirth of our great nation or at least reasonably close to this hellhole that I call home. Then and only then will I forthwith like the Turgid Benjamin Franklin pile apon teh Wonkette like so many Sarah Palin fans after a long night of drinking and snorting whore diamons (and Meth).

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