WONKETTE INVESTIGATES  4:00 pm June 1, 2012

A Brief Guide To the Evil 2012 Bilderberg Conference, In Virginia

by Jim Newell

It’s that time of year again, when the Global Illuminati Powerful Rich Folk gather in secret, to hide their secrets and drink dragon blood and eat gold cookies at the Bilderberg Conference. It is a very closed affair and no one in the mainstream media covers it, because everyone in the media is a pussy. Your Wonkette doesn’t cover it either — although we were thinking about getting drunk and vomiting in the Bilderberg driveway this year, should we ever bother to get up from our vomit pool of a couch — but we do acknowledge its existence and make wild claims about it for shits and giggles. Did you know that this year, Bilderberger Elite want to enslave the human race even more than usual? It is Topic Number One on the Agenda. It is true.

Where is Bilderberg held this year?

At the swankiest palace known to mankind, “a Virginia hotel near Dulles International Airport.”

What will they discuss?

Global domination and enslavement of the masses. FWIW, here is the Bilderberg Group’s official history of itself. It is all lies, maybe:

Bilderberg takes its name from the hotel in Holland, where the first meeting took place in May 1954. That pioneering meeting grew out of the concern expressed by leading citizens on both sides of the Atlantic that Western Europe and North America were not working together as closely as they should on common problems of critical importance. It was felt that regular, off-the-record discussions would help create a better understanding of the complex forces and major trends affecting Western nations in the difficult post-war period.

The Cold War has now ended. But in practically all respects there are more, not fewer, common problems – from trade to jobs, from monetary policy to investment, from ecological challenges to the task of promoting international security. It is hard to think of any major issue in either Europe or North America whose unilateral solution would not have repercussions for the other.

Thus the concept of a European-American forum has not been overtaken by time. The dialogue between these two regions is still – even increasingly – critical.

Who will be there?

Let’s just copy-paste the whole goddamn list, eh? There is one name that stands out, which we have emphasized for you.

Final List of Participants

FRA Castries, Henri de Chairman and CEO, AXA Group
DEU Ackermann, Josef Chairman of the Management Board and the Group Executive Committee, Deutsche Bank AG
GBR Agius, Marcus Chairman, Barclays plc
USA Ajami, Fouad Senior Fellow, The Hoover Institution, Stanford University
USA Alexander, Keith B. Commander, US Cyber Command; Director, National Security Agency
INT Almunia, Joaquín Vice-President – Commissioner for Competition, European Commission
USA Altman, Roger C. Chairman, Evercore Partners
PRT Amado, Luís Chairman, Banco Internacional do Funchal (BANIF)
NOR Andresen, Johan H. Owner and CEO, FERD
FIN Apunen, Matti Director, Finnish Business and Policy Forum EVA
TUR Babacan, Ali Deputy Prime Minister for Economic and Financial Affairs
PRT Balsemão, Francisco Pinto President and CEO, Impresa; Former Prime Minister
FRA Baverez, Nicolas Partner, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher LLP
FRA Béchu, Christophe Senator, and Chairman, General Council of Maine-et-Loire
BEL Belgium, H.R.H. Prince Philippe of
TUR Berberoğlu, Enis Editor-in-Chief, Hürriyet Newspaper
ITA Bernabè, Franco Chairman and CEO, Telecom Italia
GBR Boles, Nick Member of Parliament
SWE Bonnier, Jonas President and CEO, Bonnier AB
NOR Brandtzæg, Svein Richard President and CEO, Norsk Hydro ASA
AUT Bronner, Oscar Publisher, Der Standard Medienwelt
SWE Carlsson, Gunilla Minister for International Development Cooperation
CAN Carney, Mark J. Governor, Bank of Canada
ESP Cebrián, Juan Luis CEO, PRISA; Chairman, El País
AUT Cernko, Willibald CEO, UniCredit Bank Austria AG
FRA Chalendar, Pierre André de Chairman and CEO, Saint-Gobain
DNK Christiansen, Jeppe CEO, Maj Invest
RUS Chubais, Anatoly B. CEO, OJSC RUSNANO
CAN Clark, W. Edmund Group President and CEO, TD Bank Group
GBR Clarke, Kenneth Member of Parliament, Lord Chancellor and Secretary of Justice
USA Collins, Timothy C. CEO and Senior Managing Director, Ripplewood Holdings, LLC
ITA Conti, Fulvio CEO and General Manager, Enel S.p.A.
USA Daniels, Jr., Mitchell E. Governor of Indiana
USA DeMuth, Christopher Distinguished Fellow, Hudson Institute
USA Donilon, Thomas E. National Security Advisor, The White House
GBR Dudley, Robert Group Chief Executive, BP plc
ITA Elkann, John Chairman, Fiat S.p.A.
DEU Enders, Thomas CEO, Airbus
USA Evans, J. Michael Vice Chairman, Global Head of Growth Markets, Goldman Sachs & Co.
AUT Faymann, Werner Federal Chancellor
DNK Federspiel, Ulrik Executive Vice President, Haldor Topsøe A/S
USA Ferguson, Niall Laurence A. Tisch Professor of History, Harvard University
GBR Flint, Douglas J. Group Chairman, HSBC Holdings plc
CHN Fu, Ying Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs
IRL Gallagher, Paul Former Attorney General; Senior Counsel
USA Gephardt, Richard A. President and CEO, Gephardt Group
GRC Giannitsis, Anastasios Former Minister of Interior; Professor of Development and International Economics, University of Athens
USA Goolsbee, Austan D. Professor of Economics, University of Chicago Booth School of Business
USA Graham, Donald E. Chairman and CEO, The Washington Post Company
ITA Gruber, Lilli Journalist – Anchorwoman, La 7 TV
INT Gucht, Karel de Commissioner for Trade, European Commission
NLD Halberstadt, Victor Professor of Economics, Leiden University; Former Honorary Secretary General of Bilderberg Meetings
USA Harris, Britt CIO, Teacher Retirement System of Texas
USA Hoffman, Reid Co-founder and Executive Chairman, LinkedIn
CHN Huang, Yiping Professor of Economics, China Center for Economic Research, Peking University
USA Huntsman, Jr., Jon M. Chairman, Huntsman Cancer Foundation
DEU Ischinger, Wolfgang Chairman, Munich Security Conference; Global Head Government Relations, Allianz SE
RUS Ivanov, Igor S. Associate member, Russian Academy of Science; President, Russian International Affairs Council
FRA Izraelewicz, Erik CEO, Le Monde
USA Jacobs, Kenneth M. Chairman and CEO, Lazard
USA Johnson, James A. Vice Chairman, Perseus, LLC
USA Jordan, Jr., Vernon E. Senior Managing Director, Lazard
USA Karp, Alexander CEO, Palantir Technologies
USA Karsner, Alexander Executive Chairman, Manifest Energy, Inc
FRA Karvar, Anousheh Inspector, Inter-ministerial Audit and Evaluation Office for Social, Health, Employment and Labor Policies
RUS Kasparov, Garry Chairman, United Civil Front (of Russia)
GBR Kerr, John Independent Member, House of Lords
USA Kerry, John Senator for Massachusetts
TUR Keyman, E. Fuat Director, Istanbul Policy Center and Professor of International Relations, Sabanci University
USA Kissinger, Henry A. Chairman, Kissinger Associates, Inc.
USA Kleinfeld, Klaus Chairman and CEO, Alcoa
TUR Koç, Mustafa Chairman, Koç Holding A.Ş.
DEU Koch, Roland CEO, Bilfinger Berger SE
INT Kodmani, Bassma Member of the Executive Bureau and Head of Foreign Affairs, Syrian National Council
USA Kravis, Henry R. Co-Chairman and Co-CEO, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co.
USA Kravis, Marie-Josée Senior Fellow, Hudson Institute
INT Kroes, Neelie Vice President, European Commission; Commissioner for Digital Agenda
USA Krupp, Fred President, Environmental Defense Fund
INT Lamy, Pascal Director-General, World Trade Organization
ITA Letta, Enrico Deputy Leader, Democratic Party (PD)
ISR Levite, Ariel E. Nonresident Senior Associate, Carnegie Endowment for International Peace
USA Li, Cheng Director of Research and Senior Fellow, John L. Thornton China Center, Brookings Institution
USA Lipsky, John Distinguished Visiting Scholar, Johns Hopkins University
USA Liveris, Andrew N. President, Chairman and CEO, The Dow Chemical Company
DEU Löscher, Peter President and CEO, Siemens AG
USA Lynn, William J. Chairman and CEO, DRS Technologies, Inc.
GBR Mandelson, Peter Member, House of Lords; Chairman, Global Counsel
USA Mathews, Jessica T. President, Carnegie Endowment for International Peace
DEN Mchangama, Jacob Director of Legal Affairs, Center for Political Studies (CEPOS)
CAN McKenna, Frank Deputy Chair, TD Bank Group
USA Mehlman, Kenneth B. Partner, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co.
GBR Micklethwait, John Editor-in-Chief, The Economist
FRA Montbrial, Thierry de President, French Institute for International Relations
PRT Moreira da Silva, Jorge First Vice-President, Partido Social Democrata (PSD)
USA Mundie, Craig J. Chief Research and Strategy Officer, Microsoft Corporation
DEU Nass, Matthias Chief International Correspondent, Die Zeit
NLD Netherlands, H.M. the Queen of the
ESP Nin Génova, Juan María Deputy Chairman and CEO, Caixabank
IRL Noonan, Michael Minister for Finance
USA Noonan, Peggy Author, Columnist, The Wall Street Journal
FIN Ollila, Jorma Chairman, Royal Dutch Shell, plc
USA Orszag, Peter R. Vice Chairman, Citigroup
GRC Papalexopoulos, Dimitri Managing Director, Titan Cement Co.
NLD Pechtold, Alexander Parliamentary Leader, Democrats ’66 (D66)
USA Perle, Richard N. Resident Fellow, American Enterprise Institute
NLD Polman, Paul CEO, Unilever PLC
CAN Prichard, J. Robert S. Chair, Torys LLP
ISR Rabinovich, Itamar Global Distinguished Professor, New York University
GBR Rachman, Gideon Chief Foreign Affairs Commentator, The Financial Times
USA Rattner, Steven Chairman, Willett Advisors LLC
CAN Redford, Alison M. Premier of Alberta
CAN Reisman, Heather M. CEO, Indigo Books & Music Inc.
DEU Reitzle, Wolfgang CEO & President, Linde AG
USA Rogoff, Kenneth S. Professor of Economics, Harvard University
USA Rose, Charlie Executive Editor and Anchor, Charlie Rose
USA Ross, Dennis B. Counselor, Washington Institute for Near East Policy
POL Rostowski, Jacek Minister of Finance
USA Rubin, Robert E. Co-Chair, Council on Foreign Relations; Former Secretary of the Treasury
NLD Rutte, Mark Prime Minister
ESP Sáenz de Santamaría Antón, Soraya Vice President and Minister for the Presidency
NLD Scheffer, Paul Professor of European Studies, Tilburg University
USA Schmidt, Eric E. Executive Chairman, Google Inc.
AUT Scholten, Rudolf Member of the Board of Executive Directors, Oesterreichische Kontrollbank AG
FRA Senard, Jean-Dominique CEO, Michelin Group
USA Shambaugh, David Director, China Policy Program, George Washington University
INT Sheeran, Josette Vice Chairman, World Economic Forum
FIN Siilasmaa, Risto Chairman of the Board of Directors, Nokia Corporation
USA Speyer, Jerry I. Chairman and Co-CEO, Tishman Speyer
CHE Supino, Pietro Chairman and Publisher, Tamedia AG
IRL Sutherland, Peter D. Chairman, Goldman Sachs International
USA Thiel, Peter A. President, Clarium Capital / Thiel Capital
TUR Timuray, Serpil CEO, Vodafone Turkey
DEU Trittin, Jürgen Parliamentary Leader, Alliance 90/The Greens
GRC Tsoukalis, Loukas President, Hellenic Foundation for European and Foreign Policy
FIN Urpilainen, Jutta Minister of Finance
CHE Vasella, Daniel L. Chairman, Novartis AG
INT Vimont, Pierre Executive Secretary General, European External Action Service
GBR Voser, Peter CEO, Royal Dutch Shell plc
SWE Wallenberg, Jacob Chairman, Investor AB
USA Warsh, Kevin Distinguished Visiting Fellow, The Hoover Institution, Stanford University
GBR Wolf, Martin H. Chief Economics Commentator, The Financial Times
USA Wolfensohn, James D. Chairman and CEO, Wolfensohn and Company
CAN Wright, Nigel S. Chief of Staff, Office of the Prime Minister
USA Yergin, Daniel Chairman, IHS Cambridge Energy Research Associates
INT Zoellick, Robert B. President, The World Bank Group

What is Peggy Noonan plotting?

Global domination and enslavement of the masses.

Who should we root for in this video of a Daily Caller jerk harassing insane annual protestor Alex Jones — the Daily Caller jerk or Alex Jones?

Alex Jones, we guess? Let’s go with “Alex Jones,” ugh.


How hilariously anti-Semitic are some of the Bilderberg conspiracy nuts?

Pretty hilariously anti-Semitic.

Where else can I read up about Bilderberg 2012?

This HuffPo thing is pretty good.

Should we be scared?

Always, about everything. They want to kill you and harvest your face for Ameros.

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 184 comments }

Barb June 1, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Virginia is For Lovers (of evil)

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Again! How are you always first? I have a bad feeling that twitter is somehow involved in this.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:11 pm

I think Barb has two monitors and one refreshes every 5 seconds. Barb? <g>

Barb June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Yes, it is the Twitter.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Ah yes, Barb and her amazing Twat.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

And Barb always manages to be funny with those quick comments too, as if they just come to her.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Thanks Soros! I love how it's been explained that I get the stories first and someone called me "lightening fingered." (finger deep in nose) Girls can't possibly think fast, lol. Well, we can think fast if we don't need our thoughts to make any sense.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm

I'm sure some fingering has been going on, you bet.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 8:47 pm

Okay, let's clear something up, please. It was JIM NEWELL who called me "lightening fingered" It was the night that we were live blogging something and I came back from the restaurant where they hung pictures of George Bush with the lovely Hispanic chefs. I posted a picture from the El Pinto, Jim grabbed the photo, started a new thread in the live blog and posted that. I will go find it in a sec.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Here it is: http://wonkette.com/466019/super-tuesday-liveblog

It's in his write up.

10:38 — Lightning-fingered commenter “Barb” shares this photo from some restaurant. It’s a powerful reminder of what real leaders look like. George W. Bush is in the photo, too.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 8:52 pm

No, you come back here and you admit that you were wrong, dammit. It wasn't you I was speaking of in the above post, it was NEWELL! I would like you to clarify that this has nothing to do with you and your rant was uncalled for!

Barb June 1, 2012 at 8:56 pm

What the fuck? I wasn't talking about you at ALL! I wasn't a (mis) quote. I've shown you the proof and the link. It had nothing to do with you. You just assumed and jump on me like that and tell me I am wrong?

Barb June 1, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Oh, and when you come back in a week to read and admit to me that you were wrong, I would appreciate it if you came and found me to tell me that I wasn't busting on you and I wasn't even referring to you. I don't look at posts from a week ago and I won't be able to find this.

Did you read the post where I told everyone here that I MISS EXTEMPORANUS?

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

That's the part I *really* resent. I always think of the perfect comment, but it's usually two hours after everyone else is done.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm

You need to move to a new time zone. See, problem solved. Ex: If you lived downunder you'd get the Wonkett before ALL of us.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Same here. So that's why I tend to just bounce off someone else's comment.

MrFizzy June 1, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Yeah, have mercy on us poor slobs who work and can check wonkette only 125 times every hour.

MrFizzy June 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Also, as the putative queen of the wonkers you may be able to tell me what the hell does a boy have to do to get the pee score to go up? I have been stuck on this goddamn 110 for months. Up or down, I don't care, I'm just bloody bored with 110.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I gave you a p-point. I hope it helps.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Well, it involves a gimp suit and ballgag…

Like you, I was a lowly 100er, stuck and morassed in the 100s forever, but then I discovered the secret, which I reveal in my new book "How To Have A Large P-ness"

Only $99.95 from Regnery Books but if you act now, I'll toss in Ann Coulter's last three books to help you balance that table that wobbles.

Rotundo_ June 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I think I've Pee-ked at 108, at least the Breitbart dirtbags can't hammer us into the ground. Maybe Intense Debate has just said piss on pee points let's just let them coast.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I got pee'd up once this week already. I think there's a quota because, you know, soshalism

MrFizzy June 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm

So thanks for robbing me of a chance to break into the rarefied 111 atmosphere. I probably wouldn't have handled it well anyway.

Boojum June 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

You have to play with your p-ness.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm

I read that as "Vagina is For Lovers" and couldn't understand WHY you thought that was evil.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 4:42 pm

No, real evil is the "twat" and the "fingering" reference to me above.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

There are times I miss the downfist.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:45 pm

I'd have negative pee.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I hear you on that Barb. In a previous post to Miss Taken, I hope my comment was not Missunderstood. I respect the lot…here.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm

I'm gonna shake it off, guys-thanks!
Got me some bisketti and some meat bulbs simmering and it's Friday and I'm in love!

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 8:37 pm

Barb, since I used the twat reference, no offence toward you was meant. Just normal juvenile Wonkette humor, along with my hatred of Twitter.

Anyway, as you know, I'm sure you are just a sentient program on the internet. I have yet to see any proof otherwise, and find comfort in that belief.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Love ya Lionel. I have a new conflict above, lol.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Will this be anything like Wannsee Conference?

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Depends.

What did you Wannsee?

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Except this time the Jews are planning on enslaving the world. And, really, shouldn't they be given a chance finally?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Only if Kenneth Branagh shows up.

Geminisunmars June 2, 2012 at 12:05 pm

There will be a lot of the same attendees.

Schmannnity June 1, 2012 at 4:05 pm

If Mitch Daniels is there, it couldn't be all that.

SmutBoffin June 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Blink tag = real journalism. The end.

weejee June 1, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Peggy Noonerton got caught picking her Bilderboogers? Well I hope she was being dainty and just using her pinkie, and not her Johnny Cash finger.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:56 pm

I'm'a start calling that my Johnny Cash finger from now on.

FlownOver June 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I'm holding out for "Daily Caller jerk harassing Dame Peggington Nooningshire," so I can root for (gotta see this one coming a mile away) "None of them, Katie!"

FlownOver June 1, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Also, by highlighting Her Nooningness you almost made me miss Austan "Commie Socialist" Goolsbee and Henry "Cambodian War Criminal" Kissinger.

Given the location, what are the odds they'll take the Enola Gay out for a spin? Good times!

elburritodeluxe June 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

This is like TED with think tank assholes instead of rich assholes.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Has Noonan always been that twitchy?

Fare la Volpe June 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Since Prohibition ended.

Monsieur_Grumpe June 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

I guess i would prefer the Robots as the new masters of the human race and I don't mean the Mittbot.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:07 pm

"Always, about everything. They want to kill you and harvest your face for Ameros".

I will show them. Just this second I am beginning my decade long scrunch face of doom.

Designer_Radio June 1, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Jokes on you. Bilderbergers LOVE scrunch face, and pay high Amero for it.

FNMA June 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Noonan? We're going to need more vodka. And gin. And Xanax.

anniegetyerfun June 2, 2012 at 10:18 am

I would seriously love to hang out with that lady for a couple of hazy days.

ManchuCandidate June 1, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Blofeld :"Number 11"
Number 11 : "Collapse of Euro– $6,300,000,000 collected by number 9 and myself"
Blofeld : "$6,300,000,000? Our expectations were considerably higher, number 11"
Number 11 : "Competition from the fucksticks of JP Morgan. Everyone's betting down"
Blofeld : "I anticipated that factor. Are you quite sure all monies have been accounted for by yourself and number 9?"
Number 11 : "To the penny number 1"
Blofeld : "On the contrary, I have satisfied myself, that one of you is clearly guilty of embezzlement. Bilderberg is a dedicated fraternity, whose strength lies in the absolute integrity of its members dedicated to fucking everyone else over not it's members. The culprit is known to me. I have decided on the appropriate action"
(electrocutes number 9)

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Number Nine … Number Nine … Number Nine … Number Nine …

Fare la Volpe June 1, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I AM NOT A NUMBER. I AM A FREE MAN.

Dashboard_Jesus June 2, 2012 at 4:33 am

excellent but where did you get that?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb June 2, 2012 at 4:57 am

It's Thunderball.

(sorry, massive 007 fan)

alternate link with better audio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=fvw

MissTaken June 1, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I stayed at the Bilderberg Hotel while working in Amsterdam. I still have the pen from my room. That and a strap-on will get me inside this meeting.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

How big is the pen?

MissTaken June 1, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I cannot answer that. You can only ask "Is it bigger than a breadbox?".

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Oh, pleez say we are not discussing the pen anymore. :)

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I dunno, but if her box is bigger than a loaf of bread, 'Bot's gonna need some help

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Just to be on teh safe side, bring whips, chains, furry handcuffs and other restraints …

anniegetyerfun June 2, 2012 at 10:19 am

Don't forget your golden mask!

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Obama is a secret Mooslem who hates the Jews and especially Israel and wants Iran to destroy them. Also, he is a secret plant of the Jew controlled Bildebergs who he will be secretly meeting at the conference to design the final end of Europe and the next step, taking over the US.

Obama is arragont and stupid, but he is also subtle and clever.

WABishop June 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm

How else, but through a conspiracy of breathtaking scope and cunning, can he overcome his complete inability to achieve by legitimate means?

George Skullfry June 2, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Sounds like religion, don't it?

coolhandnuke June 1, 2012 at 4:12 pm

In a related story, the Hindenburg Group is meeting in Lakehurst, NJ this weekend. The town is bracing itself for an influx of Paultards, potheads, and cluelessness.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Is Newt the keynote speaker?

coolhandnuke June 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

He is shaped liked a dirigible, full of hot air, highly combustible, his speeches sound better in German and his undies reek of saurkraut.
But no, he will not be delivering an oration…Callista is getting her beak trimmed and her talons extended that weekend.

anniegetyerfun June 2, 2012 at 10:20 am

But you repeat yourself.

MrFizzy June 1, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I went to a Build a Bear conference recently. Not as much stuffing.

Ayn Rand Paul Tard June 1, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I hope they're planning some crazy 'for the good of all mankind' type of thing. We could use something like that instead of being taken advantage of while we're down.

edgydrifter June 1, 2012 at 4:14 pm

The Bilderbergs seemed a lot more Bond villain-ish before I knew the CEO of Vodafone Turkey and Charlie Rose were in the club.

chascates June 1, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I bet the Bilderberg Group could kick the Trilateral Commission's ass.

FlownOver June 1, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Not without help from the Illuminati.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:25 pm

Puleez.

They do that every year at the Bohemian Grove, which despite its name is not a quaint little beer garden in Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Generation[redacted] June 1, 2012 at 4:29 pm

You've been following the intramurals. Don't count out the Tri-Lambdas just yet.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Yea, wait til the music competition.

TribecaMike June 2, 2012 at 1:26 am

Hopefully, it'll be more entertaining than this year's Eurovision Song Contest, and with many less Swedes.

Fare la Volpe June 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm

The Trilat's were the inter-church dodgeball champs three years running. That's some tough competition.

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm

That's because if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. True dat.

Callyson June 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Jesus, first that crackpot in PA and now this. Am positively ashamed of being "European American" now (and who the fuck calls themselves that, besides racist idiots? Who gives a fuck about being "European," as opposed to being Irish or Italian or whatever…)

Can I become an honorary Latino or Black person now? Pretty please?

CindynEncinitas June 1, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Get your DNA done. Then you can be R1b. We rule.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

In Europe, maybe.

WABishop June 1, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Default American.

DonnyKerabotsos June 1, 2012 at 4:16 pm

What is Peggy Noonan plotting, you ask?

Well, as near as I can tell from having carefully not looked at the list at all, Dame Peggy is the only woman in attendance.

Perhaps the inaugural running of the Noonington 500?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm

It's not a true conspiracy of the rich if Andrea Mitchell isn't involved.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

I'm sure it's much more innocent than all that; these titans of industry probably just get drunk, dance to old disco tunes, and hunt humans for sport.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:33 pm

You have given me a great idea. I have 90 wooded acres, which would be perfect to lease to these people for hunting. Then I'll trick my neighbors into thinking there's a bear in the woods, (shitting, presumably–beat ya' to it) and all the macho freaks will go after it, giving the Globalists some fine targets.

Bang! Dead Republithug okies littering the roadside. You're welcome.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:03 pm

I like the way you think, DBB.

WABishop June 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm
johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

You can't go without an invitation, but they have an awesome webstore for souvenirs – the mugs and tote bags are especially nice.

pdiddycornchips June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

The hooker budget alone must be enormous

DaRooster June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Not a single Sanchez or Ramirez… how many Blah folks will be in attendance?

WhatTheHeck June 1, 2012 at 4:17 pm

They let women and non-whites attend?
WTF. This is not your grandfather’s Bilderburg.

Dashboard Buddha June 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Bilderberg? Sounds Jewish.

SayItWithWookies June 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Well that huge roster is something of a relief — no group that large could run the world in any kind of orderly way, so — oh holy crap — it's true!

Goonemeritus June 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Really a Westfield’s Marriott is the best they could do, are all the hollowed out volcanoes booked?

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 1, 2012 at 6:30 pm

A winner, we have a winner…

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 4:18 pm

You realize that if their first meeting had been in a Holiday Inn, it would be the Holiday Group – not nearly as one-world governmenty and actually kind of fun!

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:34 pm

And they would all wear colorful, pointy hats.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do, we do!
Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do, we do!
Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do, we do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? We do, we do, we do!'

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm

"Who rigs every Oscar night? "

So that's how the boat movie beat LA Confidential.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Which? "The Pirates Who Don't Do Much"?

No, it was a better film

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm

It's clear that this is about nothing but maintaining strict adherence to Austerity on both sides of the pond (I can be elitist, just like these dicks) so Nobama will lose the election. Thanks, Globalists. (Using screaming dickwads' term).

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:20 pm

USA Kerry, John Senator for Massachusetts

GASP!

Mumbletypeg June 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Check the HuffPo link, that head shot.
He should have honorary eligibility for Rushmore portrayal rights even if he never does nab the actual presnit prize.

BarackMyWorld June 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Did he recently get a skin transplant from Edward James Olmos?

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Please tell me he's a mole and not there actually representing Heinz corp.

Fairtackle June 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Hmm, with the proper combination of gin and valium, Noonan's name appears to stop blinking. Interestinnnnnnnnnnnn

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 4:21 pm

The big event is the annual multilingual history of world domination bee with the Trilateral Commission.

Tommmcattt June 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Are there drugs? I'm not going unless they have drugs.

Can I ride my bike over or does it have to be a limosine?

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm

No bike parking. THEN what will you do?

Tommmcattt June 1, 2012 at 4:57 pm

What I always do! Hichhike and hope for the best! Think they House of Lords guy has extra space in his Hansom?

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

I'm thinkin' you wouldn't ride with him if he *weren't* Hansom.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Bikes are elitist.

valthemus June 1, 2012 at 4:23 pm

"Banded together from remote galaxies are 145 of the most sinister villains of all time… THE LEGION OF DOOM! Dedicated to a single objective… THE CONQUEST OF THE UNIVERSE! Only one group dares challenge this intergalactic threat… THE SUPER FRIENDS!"

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Who will be there?

People than can buy and sell everyone in your family 50 times.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Funny. My mother used to say that. But she meant brains, not money.

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Maybe we're related.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Ohgawd, don't even *think* that thought. I was just all liking you so much lately, and stuff, too.

weejee June 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

How hilariously anti-Semitic are some of the Bilderberg conspiracy nuts?

Since they're holding this thing at a Marriott I has a confused. When did sporting magic undies become part of keeping kosher?

WIDTAP June 1, 2012 at 4:26 pm

"USA Goolsbee, Austan D. Professor of Economics, University of Chicago Booth School of Business"

GoooooolsBEE!

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm

He's there making the argument against austerity, I hope?

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:28 pm

USA Mathews, Jessica T. President, Carnegie Endowment

She seems well-endowed.

MissTaken June 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm

GRC Tsoukalis, Loukas President, Hellenic Foundation for European and Foreign Polic

I initially read that as "Tsoukalous, Georgio" from Ancient Aliens and was not the least bit surprised.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Wow. It's like a Rorscach name. I read it as Tsatsiki and got hungry for falafel.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm

RUS Kasparov, Garry Chairman, United Civil Front (of Russia)

Wait.

Wasn't he used to be chess championship?

Chichikovovich June 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Yep. USARogoff, Kenneth S.Professor of Economics, Harvard University
is a chess grandmaster too. Came second in the US championship in the 70s.

I guess they want to be ready for all the 11-dimensional chess that might get sprung.

MissTaken June 1, 2012 at 4:35 pm

USA Huntsman, Jr., Jon M. Chairman, Huntsman Cancer Foundation

This name sounds familiar.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Who?

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:43 pm

I think he whored out his daughters for no diamonds.

Crank_Tango June 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Which is exactly how many diamonds I have in my whore budget…

Also, chem trails.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

World domination is much more interesting if it starts in a beer hall in Munich, or a convention center in Tampa.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm

I was thinking that there was discrimination when I saw that Romney was not attending, but then I saw that nothing created by IBM was attending.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:37 pm

USA Mehlman, Kenneth B. Partner, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts & Co.

Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old bathhouse tonight!

qwerty42 June 1, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Whatever will Lady Noonington say?

chascates June 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

That she misses Ronald Reagan. She knew him.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:42 pm

FIN Urpilainen, Jutta Minister of Finance

I say this as a Finn, so I know whereof I speak:

That is one fucking WEIRD name…

Chichikovovich June 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

That's for sure. Where are all the double k's and n's and l's all the umlauts? Obviously a Swedish mole.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:44 pm

He is single-minded, too and keeps his plans close to his chest

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm

But also obvious

GhostBuggy June 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm

"Bilderberg takes its name from the hotel in Holland, where the first meeting took place in May 1954. That pioneering meeting grew out of the concern expressed by leading citizens on both sides of the Atlantic that Western Europe and North America were not working together as closely as they should on common problems of critical importance."

Real fucking bang-up job they're doing of it, too. Everything's been so smooth since '54.

BornInATrailer June 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

USA Taitz, Orly, President and CEO, Taitz Legal, Dental and Real Estate Services, Ltd.

Oh God!

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 10:02 pm

And licensed Taekwondo instructor! She'll kick the Chinese back into the Ming Dynasty, one shin at a time.

Woodshedding June 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Yeah, Murdoch bought WSJ some time ago. Amazing that people with any IQ at all continue to read it. Such denial.

Chet Kincaid June 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Its the Bildungsromans and the Brobdingnagians we should be worried about. Very worried.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

For a secret cabal that doesn't want anyone to know what they're up to, we sure know a lot about them.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

That's what I never understood about the alleged government conspiracy to cover up the existence of UFOs/ETs. It can't be a very good cover up if so many seem to know about it.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I used to naively discount the theory that Stanley Kubrick faked the moon landings until I found out he also faked all of the youtube videos alleging he faked the moon landings. And everyone thinks "The Shining" is weird!

Arken June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

What I love about people who concoct massive conspiracy theories about the evil New World Order having these super secret meetings like Bilderberg or Bohemian Grove that aren't really secret in any way is that it's 2012 and we have things like cell phones and skype for secret meetings.

__kth__ June 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Also Charlie Rose, lest you thought that Noonan was the only doddering old fool with half her brain eaten away by wine spritzers in attendance.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Oh great, that means nobody will be able to finish their sentences. He's gotta be a mole.

randcoolcatdaddy June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

So … which one's going to get strapped down to a table with a laser pointed at his crotch?

arcadesproject June 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm

I don't know what you think but I think there isn't even a town called Blibberberg anywhere in Virginia. Duh.

yrbmegr June 1, 2012 at 6:22 pm

Hello?

Fouad Ajami?

Must be a spy.

pdiddycornchips June 1, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I didn't have time to read the entire list. Is Bristol going?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 7:52 pm

Of course, she's the veep.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 8:23 pm

No. But she'll probably get on her twitphone to twit about how she wasn't invited.
Then Sarah will get on her twitphone to twit about how SHE wasn't invited.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 8:36 pm

"And now over to Lilli Gruber, reporting from the LA 7 New World Order Black Chopper 1. What's the traffic situation like, Lilli? Lilli? Hello?"

rsynnott June 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm

You know, it never before occurred to me that Michael Noonan, our terrifying (http://admin.newstalk.ie/wp-content/files/2011/09/Michael-Noonan1.jpg) Minister for Finance, had the same name as Dame Peggy.

I wish it hadn't occurred to me now.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Good catch. Noonan's response to that… http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/

fuflans June 1, 2012 at 11:44 pm

i actually know one of the people on that list.

i find that terrifying.

finallyhappy June 2, 2012 at 7:54 am

I don't- well, I met Charlie Rose once when he was still just doing local TV-I wanted to fix him up with a friend of mine. It didn't work

EloquentScience June 2, 2012 at 2:33 am

I heard that each attendee gets a free book: To Serve Man.

StealthMuslin June 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

Have these people never heard of Skype?

OKthennext June 3, 2012 at 10:46 am

Gag. Richard Perle, American Enterprise Institute.

And how the hell is Henry Kissinger still alive?

And where are all the women?

Dildeaux June 4, 2012 at 7:56 am

Bilderberger: the threat equivalent of sea bass with frickin flashlights on their heads.

Oblios_Cap June 6, 2012 at 3:36 pm

A Chicago School economist and Peggy Noonantonshire. If that's what counts for deep thinkers, we're in deep shit.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Keep your fingers to yourself! Smack! Smack!

Barb June 3, 2012 at 2:19 am

Actor, you are so correct. Some "fingering" just went on and it was my middle finger to YOU.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Finger lickin' gooooood

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm

It doesn't work that way! I was always staying up late to see the Wonketz of the day, and then the next day I was all tired and logging in after everyone had gone home! And then falling asleep after two or three smart-assed exchanges with CREature.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm

I wish you wouldn't deliberately try to antagonize Barb. It's not the first time it's happened, and it comes on the heels of a bunch of unpleasant stuff, and it almost seems deliberate. I've known you for years, from Sadly, No!, and don't remember you ever being this hostile to anyone.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

It'll be Our Little Secret, sweetie. We'll say the wittiest things to each other after the other partiers have gone home.

Boojum June 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

See, this is why you are uniformly hated, with surveyors marks and votes, I mean.

Er,….

(You do know these are JOKES, funny ones, like saying that Halfrican Muslin is planting a watermelon patch, right?)

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Meat … bulbs? WTF are meat BULBS?????

Barb June 1, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Boojum, now I am craving watermelon.

Fare la Volpe June 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

I got a fat melon in the fridge with my father's name on it. He won't notice if I take just a little bit…

Also my phone tried to auto correct my post to "I got a fat merlin in the fudge." Interpret as you will.

Barb June 1, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Fare, I want to be that gal who has the ballz to start returning watermelons that suck.

As you know, the the south you can pull out a knife and pull a plug out and test the melon. I bring home watermelons and they turn out to be nasty and unripe.

Geminisunmars June 2, 2012 at 11:56 am

Hey, I thought I was your after-party party. (kisses the missed tpc)

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

This is a VERY inclusive party, sweetie. (Hugs and kisses the very, very missed Gem of my heart.)

Barb June 3, 2012 at 12:27 am

It's what my daughter called "meatballs"

MittBorg June 3, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Thank you. I was walking around all of yesterday wondering what the fuck these meat BULBS were. My partner's family does horrible things to food. One of the more memorable ones was what they called a "weenie roast." A beautiful hunk of beef roasted to a dismal grayness, and stuck throughout with little Vienna cocktail sausages. Not just horrifying to LOOK at, but even MORE horrifying to EAT.

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