What are politicians promising prospective constituents in campaign ads these days, “fiscal responsibility” or some such perhaps? LAME, and also a terrible lie. Fuck that. Oklahoma Democratic candidate for Congress Rob Wallace promises not to let Texas steal any of Oklahoma’s shit, that’s what. Time somebody did that. Here, he’ll shoot at a water jug with a picture of Texas on it to prove he is serious. Video after the jump!
It’s all “Medicaid and Social Security, hell yeah” and then something something Texas is trying to steal all of Oklahoma’s water something something KABLAM. WEE-HAW!
We still can rate this ad only perhaps a six on a scale of one to Dale Peterson, because we can recognize the words in this ad as being from the English language and there is no mention of the critical scourge of yard sign stealing. But we stand behind you, Rob Wallace, because who isn’t usually feeling annoyed by Texas? [YouTube via Wonkette operative "Craig P."]
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Great, I'll bring the popcorn.
Can I borrow a lawn chair outta your garage?
You beat Barb! Where is she, anyway?
Popcorn, hell…I'll bring the bullets.
Caramel syrup shares are sky high today.
Water for Encephalists
Is that a disease that only effects republicans?
Don't pretend like Texas wouldn't love to go to war with Oklahoma.
Hell, yeah! (Fifth generation Texan, here)
Bring it, fuckers. There are more crazy Texans than crazy Okies.
This worries me.
Fortunately most residents never leave their respective state for very long. And tourists to these areas are pretty safe if they stick close to their hotels after dusk.
Just don't bring South Carolina into this. That's your sleeping dragon of crazy, right there.
And plus also, they'll fire the first shots before the ref blows the whistle.
Grand Dragon of crazy, even.
Okies are able to convert texies to their preferred perversions.
Um, sure. Seems win-win to me.
Really, and we don't even have to root for either side.
We'll be waiting for you at The Alamo, bitches.
Doesn't Hertz have better cars?
I vomiting a little diet coke after reading that, from laughter.
I've got no comeback for this one. Well done, sir.
Didn't you used to be ChilLysol?
Yes. Didn't you use to be…I can't even remember anymore.
Everyone, Katie.
"I am not MittBorg. I am you."
You do realize the Texans lost at the Alamo, don't you?
Yes, and that's exactly why I said it. Thanks for getting the reference.
Apparently a lot of people never really knew exactly what it was they were supposed to Remember.
I drove past it once, I thought it was a big Taco Bell.
Taco Bell is more authentic and less commercialized.
Frankly, letting them take each other out is a best-case scenario anyway.
Dear Oklahoma:
There are more of us than you. And are guns are bigger.
Have a nice day,
Texas
Dear Texas…
We are crazier, and as a Democrat in Oklahoma, we are probably more willing to do crazier thing.
Oklahoma
PS: Thank you so, so much for W. And Perry.
Anytime, Oklahoma, and America.
What is this obsession with guns? There are other ways to be murderous, you know.
IED's, anthrax, ricin, and McDonald's pink slime transfat burgers come to mind.
Just don't say/type subway.
Uh oh, now you've done it!
Face eatin'?
Nevermind, I see you already mentioned McDonald's pink slime.
Throwing a knife would look too Middle-eastern, a karate chop too Asian and a hand grenade too European – but a flame thrower might have been even more effective.
i grow deadly nightshade in my backyard for this very reason.
well, that and i don't know fuck all about gardening and hate it to boot.
still! deadly nightshade!!
That is so cool.
Oklahoma does have some experience with large scale urban explosions, but it might be impolitic to mention that.
none so happy as a firearm!
as the Beatles sang.. "Happiness is a Warm Gun!"
I am waiting for Obama's term to end and then I can buy lots of guns at cheap prices at pawn shops.
Hell, the Okies have to figure out how to get through our traffic hell in Dallas, first.
They'll never make it as far as Waxahachie.
You just know they're going to end up in Phoenix.
if Thelma and Louise couldn't figure it out, nobody can.
Bad shot. He hit Lubbock and it shoulda been Dallas.
edit. sorry Jus_Wonderin
It's okay. I will be in the cellar anyway.
Arlen Spector will now prove he took out both with a single bullet.
Rob Wallace will "survey" the shit out of Texas.
Texas, you just been messed with.
There's a big ass state of Texas, that I am going to fight,
We Okies [sic] really hate it, not just only me
They bitched so when I fought'em all my verbal shots hit,
And if I ever beat them, we won't ever take their shit.
For some reason, I can't figure out the tune.
Yellow Rose of Tejas
Hum a few bars and I'll fake it. You sing.
This was bound to happen "Sooner" or later.
OKie, glad you got that out of your system.
Too Soon!!!
Too Sooner!!!!
They are a bunch of baby "Boomers" after all
Okie Dokie, amigo.
This is what it's like to live in Bumfu-k. People so poor they're fighting over water, but they have plenty of money for guns.
Bullets, also.
Don't forget the meth.
Is Oklahoma's slogan still "OKlahoma is OK!"?
I mean, sure it is astoundingly clever, but it lacks ambition.
You can't spell Oklahoma without HOMO?
I can. But I have certain powers.
the plates used to say "is ok", they now say "native america".
Doesn't that make less sense?
Go ask the Cherokee.
Don't forget the Chocktaw Chickasaw Creek and Seminole.
Oy. This is a slogan? Stating the obvious?
Maybe. But it's still the best state song of any of the other 49. Seriously–do you want to sing Oklahoma or The Eyes of Texas?
shooting pictures attached to water containers is an important aspect of effective legislation.
also, Arizona feels left out.
Oh, I'm sure they'll simply attach a migrant worker to a water container and shoot him/her to make a point. No one will know what the point IS, but they'll make it.
FUCKEN-A BUBBA! Show that polar water who's it's daddy!
I like the fact that there are Democrats who shoot and stand on God and the Bible and put Social Security and Medicare right up there with guns and the Bible.
Of course, I still think they are ignant lubbers of Zombie Jeebus, but that's neither here nor there; they are MY ignant lubbers of Zombie Jeebus.
Yup. Bubbas are just fine, so long as they are at the core decent folks: I don't care if you chew tobacco and are handy with thity-ought-six come deer season, or consider bass fishing equivalent to worship. You can do that and be just fine, and a decent, kind parent. It's when they start going nuts I get fearful of them.
"It's when they start going nuts I get fearful of them."
Or when they vote.
Is it okay to get a stiffie when a Democrat shoots somethin'?
I'm a-loadin' up, Chick.
Nice, so the only way to get elected as a Democrat these days is to pretend to be even more batshit crazyee than your Republican opponent?
In Oklahoma? Yeah, I'd say so.
This is Oklahoma. Who's pretending?
Yeah, good point.
Oh man put this on pay per view on cable and you will make a fortune. I know I'll be watching.
Worst episode of Top Shot ever.
If you think that guy is crazy read the comments under this World Nut Daily story: http://www.wnd.com/2012/05/marxism-american-style…
"they boiled the frog for a long time"?!?!
My favorite:
for all you obots just to see if you answer please tell me why berry had so many names a fake ssn and why when his stpe sis lea soetoro who suddenly passed like so many in berry back trail she said she,ll know this is barry once she sees the scars and the limp he got from falling from the mango tree ( berry has no limp ) aint that strange she never made it here to see if this was really the barry that they told her was her step bro
I'm not going over there to check. But, seriously, that's a real comment?
My god, I will NEVER be able to perfect my RW gibberish/misspellings. Those people are the true masters of it. I can't possibly compete with that.
This comment said it was edited by a moderator. This is AFTER the editing:
In some countrys you can't even get an aspirin without a prescription.
In the uk you can't have a tv antenna without paying a government tax or fee. They search peoples homes for hidden. Antennas.
The only thing 99% about it is they are to young and brainwashed to know what the cold war was all about.
They defile, spit in the face of their psrents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and everone that faught and gave their lives for the freedom they have today.
They want to throw all of that away because they cannot comprehend in the slightest what opression and tyrany is.
I might drink the water in Texas, and I might drink the water in Oklahoma. But will somebody pelase tell me where this guy lives, because I want to make a specific point of NOT drinking the water wherever that is.
Worst fan boy porn ever?
I don't understand the origin of the Obama=SPY concept they all appear to have downloaded and are playing on repeat.
A little help here?
I have no clue. You can't outguess a lunatic.
He's blah, therefore he cannot possibly be a real Amurrkin.
Actually, it's worse than that. He's blah, and *educated*. If he were like one of those blah guys getting arrested on the 6:00 news, they'd probably like him better, because he'd confirm beliefs that they already hold.
Ech. That site makes me feel like I need to blast myself clean with a flamethrower.
Seems some folks been sittin' out in the sun way too long.
A word of advice:
DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS AT WORLD NUT DAILY.
I wish you'd said that BEFORE I got there and broke my brain, sullivanst.
One commenter called Obama "obumochev". I kinda liked that. But otherwise, regular old stupid Wing Nut Daily.
If there's a war between Texas and Oklahoma, I certainly hope both sides will lose.
If there's a war between Texas and Oklahoma, I certainly hope both sides will lose.
I would hardly be surprised if they managed it.
But then who will attack Mississippi?
We can leave that to North Carolina.
Q: If Texas and Oklahoma go to war, who wins?
A: Everybody else.
The shooting would have been a lot more entertaining if Texas had been stealing Oklahoma's watermelons.
Rush Springs will be ready for them. Watermelon is our state vegetable, you know, and Rush Springs grows the best of the bunch.
Garden Grove libel!
I hope he plans to fight Texas over there, so he won't have to fight them over here. Oklahoma would be fine, too, I guess. But isn't that just one of the larger counties in TX, anyway?
Hey! Some of us might get our feelings hurt, you know.
Sooner/Okie Libel!
Calling all Okies Sooners is like calling Magic Johnson a Wolverine.
Please mess with Texas; they suck.
Yep, we're all hat , no cattle.
Texas, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous.
Has Romney found his VEEP?
There are some things that are non-negotiable, like allowing mooslims to build their terror mosques in our state.
Can we work some sort of Mutually Assured Destruction angle into this?
Boo. Bad idea for some of us.
I'm going to run for Congress – it's settled – and I'm making ads using a flame thrower, like "when I get to congress I'm going to use my flamethrower to incinerate taxes" – and then oblitherate a pile of tax regulations. "Environmental regulations – they'll be turned to cinders on day one", etc…
I do have to say the "I'm. Rob Wallace….BLAUW!!! And I appoved this message." Was pretty much a slice kick ass.
Now all they need are the lawyers… http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a…
Typical campaign ad shoot:
Hi, I'm a quirky dumbass … blah blah … shake up Washington … blah blah … shoot gun … blah blah .. walk off camera, French-kiss cousin.
Hi-fives all around!
Is the candidate's Speedo camouflage pattern, or stars and stripes?
ok, that okie guy's pretty damn cute.
"If Oklahoma can't have this water, no one can!"
Joe Manchin opened the door, Rob Wallace charged right through.
He came to this revelation about precious fluids during the physical act of love.
His previous fluids were also quite revelatory.
So…he's really declaring War against Fluoridated water?
It's about time.
Oklahoma vs. Texas: No matter who wins, we all lose.
No matter who loses, we all win?
Regardless, they're still both gonna be states. :(
Yeah but if they're nukular wastelands they'll lose a bunch of Representatives come 2020.
Rick Perry Libel!!! Texas is its own country, dagnabit!
This could be the next Iran-Iraq war. I'm calling my broker and buying shares in automatic weapons and nerve gas.
We can trade arms for Austin!
I was just thinking we need a new war, but I'm still undecided on who I will support.
Oklahoma and Texas, I gladly accept bribes.
Should I pull up my shirt?
Do you take payment in chickens?
The Gripes Of Wrath, whatever. Hate to see what crawls out now that he's broke Texas' water.
I have a feeling Halliburton is behind this.
They're an OK company, you know.
Halliburton thrives on carnage, Tiger. It consumes, infests, destroys, lives off the death and destruction of other species.
Let the water wars begin!
Another step towards Idiocracy. Soon all campaign ads will simply be the candidate firing a truck-mounted machine gun shouting yee-haw as it tears through the countryside.
Biggest TruckNutz takes the delegates.
Hmmmm. Anyone got a tank with a big gun on top? (Okay, so I'm not good with whatever various weapons are named). I'm thinking about running against Inhofe (R-Oil). No talking, just shootin'. A campaign okies can relate to.
Want to be my campaign manager? Then get me that tank.
You can shoot it at a water tower with a muslin painted on it.
So Texas apparently is stealing other peoples' water now; who do they think they are, Southern California?
Begun, the Clown Wars have.
I wanna be there when he discovers that the Red River is bulletproof.
On second thought, Oklahoma: maybe War with Texas is just not a good idea.
You know how those people get.
He's a Dem, so I guess that surveyor Marx we're looking at there.
F* it. A Dem with a high powered rifle. I approve his message.
Can we get South Carolina to invade Florida next?
And this is the Democrat? And doesn't Texas already own Oklahoma?
Speaking of which, an Oklahoman pal of mine moved to Dallas in the fifties, made a bundle in oil, and retired back home in Tulsa. He may be a carpetbagger, but at least he ain't a teabagger.
Meh. It's not like he's eating off Texas's face or anything.
Yes, yes, I know everyone is holding their respective breaths, just waiting to see what yours truly thinks of this. Here goes:
1) Fuck Texas
2) FUCK TEXAS!!!!!!!!! (For any 'baggers reading this)
3) Fuckers have been after our water for years. Fuck Texas. Stay dry, you dip shits. This is the Dust Bowl, and water is precious. The Chickasaw Nation and Choctaw Nation claim the water, based on treaty rights. But who ever paid attention to the Indians?
HIstorical note: Oklahoma and Texas are the only two states to have declared war on each other. Their respective National Guards were lined up at the Red River bridge that both states wanted to charge tolls to cross. They had their guns ready, until FDR yelled "nationalize the fuckers" and took the authority from TX Guv and ours, Gov. Alfalfa Bill Murray.
If I were in this guy's district, I would happily and proudly vote for him.
Time to finish the business that Alfalfa Bill began. Boomer Sooner!
And in your area there's the Ogallala Aquifer, or what's left of it. I remember as a kid in the Texas panhandle how incredibly cold the water was coming up out of a well in someone's field. Now the water level is much lower. At least neither of us live in California's Central Valley where water is stolen from several states!
The water wars are coming. Time to pay the bill for this greedy, expensive lifestyle.
"Alfalfa Bill Murray"
Strangest mental picture of the day, or possibly the week.
Well, Michigan and Ohio went to war over Toledo (thank god we didn't win), but it was never formally declared, and no one was injured. To this day, we can't stand the Buckeyes, and the Buckeyes can't stand us, and that's the way it should be.
Wolverines!
Being an OSU grad I'm with you up till the Boomer Sooner, other than that keep their Texas asses south of the Red.
This is one southerner named Wallace that I can get behind…well, he's probably a blue dog so only to a point…um, so to speak…
Why can’t New York take a page out of this book? I would love to see a Governor Cuomo ad the bragged about being balls deep in New Jersey’s girlfriend.
Remember when Staten Island was threatening to move to NJ? Like Jersey could afford to pay for the Molinari family's accustomed lifestyle.
Two idiots enter, one moran leaves. THE REDNECKDOME!
Sumbitch got MY vote. Fuck Texas. Right inda corn chute.
This is just about as liberal as OK politicians gets. It's a shame because I went to OU and can tell you that Oklahoma actually does have a little hippie in it. There's a small but non-negligible part of the population that is pretty liberal. They all congregate during various music festivals, but you can find them just about everywhere. They're just do dispersed that they never have any elected representation. There's no "Oklahoma Austin".
Oh for fuck's sake.
Can't we just settle this with basketball, instead of bringing firearms into it?! Western Conference Finals for all the water!
The Red River Rivalry, commonly known as the Texas-OU Game or OU-Texas Game, is an American college football rivalry game played annually by the Oklahoma Sooners football team of the University of Oklahoma and the Texas Longhorns football team of the University of Texas.
Winner gets to go to war with Arizona.
Loser fights Kansas.
I think we need to have one of those brackett things, for playoffs-etc.
"Um, *sure*, you can have our water. yeah, that's the ticket. Go on, go ahead and drink it [tents fingers] muhahaha."
Ha ha!
NOBODY wants to steal water from New Jersey!
Oh, wait.
Awww.
[giggling in the background]
Texas [muffled]: Shut up, it's ringing!
Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?
Texas: This is Rob Wallace, and I just shot Texas.
And this is what they call a Democrat down in Oklahoma, fuck my life. I give up. We're in a fullblown idiocracy, now. So, the only way you can be for Medicare, down there, is if you're also for shooting random shit in a video…because why, again?
If someone had actually put that ad out, up here, we'd have laughed his ass into one of the lakes.
If you can't prove to the Bitterz that you're not going to seize their guns, they'll keep pushing for more "Stand Your Ground" laws.
Can we get Alabama and MIssissippi to go to war with each other? We need to figure out ways to get all of the dumb, white southern conservatives in America to auto-darwinate.
Frankly, in this case I say let loose the dogs of war, but for gods sake don't let them interbreed! This country is cretinous enough as it is.
YEE-HAW!!!
. . . and, to quote another famous Texan, "BRING IT ON!!!"
And we all know how well THAT ended.
I got my first shotgun at 12, my first rifle at 13, my first handgun at 15. My first job required that I be armed and just about every job since l959 has had the same requirement. Even today I go armed 24/7. I've actually shot and killed people with a gun. I don't think I've ever posed for a picture with a gun in my hand-in my fucking life. I'm calling this shit the "Lee Harvey Oswald Syndrome". I think the act of posing for an ad or pix with a gun is prima facia evidence of serious character deficiencies. This article mostly proves the point that bat-shit crazy crosses all Party Lines and that this Doofus cannot be trusted with any responsible position in or out of government.
At last, some good news!
Now that's scary!
Isn't this how Cambodia ended up getting invaded by Vietnam back in the later 1970s? Picking a fight with a much larger and more heavily armed neighbor.
I think other countries are highly impressed by the fact our politicians use footage of themselves shooting stuff in their commercials.
Um, wrong Republi-femmetard, but I get the idea.
Wait a minute. I'M NOT YOU!!! I'm MittBorg (for now, anyway).
So THAT's how stupid you have to be to pay any attention to Fox News.
I stopped a Cherokee since I thought they were the most well known. lol I'm actually part Chickasaw and Choctaw.
BTW, that section of OK is some of the most beautiful in the nation, if you ask me. The entire eastside of the state, in fact, is really something.
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