ABOUT TIME  4:45 pm June 1, 2012

Oklahoma Congressional Candidate Vows War on Texas if Elected

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

What are politicians promising prospective constituents in campaign ads these days, “fiscal responsibility” or some such perhaps? LAME, and also a terrible lie. Fuck that. Oklahoma Democratic candidate for Congress Rob Wallace promises not to let Texas steal any of Oklahoma’s shit, that’s what. Time somebody did that. Here, he’ll shoot at a water jug with a picture of Texas on it to prove he is serious. Video after the jump!

It’s all “Medicaid and Social Security, hell yeah” and then something something Texas is trying to steal all of Oklahoma’s water something something KABLAM. WEE-HAW!

We still can rate this ad only perhaps a six on a scale of one to Dale Peterson, because we can recognize the words in this ad as being from the English language and there is no mention of the critical scourge of yard sign stealing. But we stand behind you, Rob Wallace, because who isn’t usually feeling annoyed by Texas? [YouTube via Wonkette operative "Craig P."]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 199 comments }

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Great, I'll bring the popcorn.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Can I borrow a lawn chair outta your garage?

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

You beat Barb! Where is she, anyway?

Callyson June 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Popcorn, hell…I'll bring the bullets.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Caramel syrup shares are sky high today.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Water for Encephalists

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Is that a disease that only effects republicans?

evan7257 June 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Don't pretend like Texas wouldn't love to go to war with Oklahoma.

NellCote71 June 1, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Hell, yeah! (Fifth generation Texan, here)

chascates June 1, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Bring it, fuckers. There are more crazy Texans than crazy Okies.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

This worries me.

chascates June 1, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Fortunately most residents never leave their respective state for very long. And tourists to these areas are pretty safe if they stick close to their hotels after dusk.

Mittens Howell, III June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Just don't bring South Carolina into this. That's your sleeping dragon of crazy, right there.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:03 pm

And plus also, they'll fire the first shots before the ref blows the whistle.

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 10:22 pm

Grand Dragon of crazy, even.

Joey_Blau June 4, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Okies are able to convert texies to their preferred perversions.

BornInATrailer June 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Um, sure. Seems win-win to me.

actor212 June 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Really, and we don't even have to root for either side.

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 4:51 pm

We'll be waiting for you at The Alamo, bitches.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Doesn't Hertz have better cars?

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 4:59 pm

I vomiting a little diet coke after reading that, from laughter.

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

I've got no comeback for this one. Well done, sir.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Didn't you used to be ChilLysol?

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Yes. Didn't you use to be…I can't even remember anymore.

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Everyone, Katie.

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:35 pm

"I am not MittBorg. I am you."

Pop_Socket June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

You do realize the Texans lost at the Alamo, don't you?

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Yes, and that's exactly why I said it. Thanks for getting the reference.

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Apparently a lot of people never really knew exactly what it was they were supposed to Remember.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

I drove past it once, I thought it was a big Taco Bell.

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Taco Bell is more authentic and less commercialized.

WhatTheHolyHeck June 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Frankly, letting them take each other out is a best-case scenario anyway.

fartknocker June 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Dear Oklahoma:
There are more of us than you. And are guns are bigger.

Have a nice day,
Texas

imobannon June 1, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Dear Texas…
We are crazier, and as a Democrat in Oklahoma, we are probably more willing to do crazier thing.

Oklahoma

PS: Thank you so, so much for W. And Perry.

NellCote71 June 1, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Anytime, Oklahoma, and America.

Tommmcattt June 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

What is this obsession with guns? There are other ways to be murderous, you know.

Boojum June 1, 2012 at 5:00 pm

IED's, anthrax, ricin, and McDonald's pink slime transfat burgers come to mind.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Just don't say/type subway.

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Uh oh, now you've done it!

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Face eatin'?
Nevermind, I see you already mentioned McDonald's pink slime.

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Throwing a knife would look too Middle-eastern, a karate chop too Asian and a hand grenade too European – but a flame thrower might have been even more effective.

fuflans June 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm

i grow deadly nightshade in my backyard for this very reason.

well, that and i don't know fuck all about gardening and hate it to boot.

still! deadly nightshade!!

NellCote71 June 1, 2012 at 10:10 pm

That is so cool.

HogeyeGrex June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Oklahoma does have some experience with large scale urban explosions, but it might be impolitic to mention that.

Joey_Blau June 4, 2012 at 2:27 pm

none so happy as a firearm!

as the Beatles sang.. "Happiness is a Warm Gun!"

I am waiting for Obama's term to end and then I can buy lots of guns at cheap prices at pawn shops.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Hell, the Okies have to figure out how to get through our traffic hell in Dallas, first.

BaldarTFlagass June 1, 2012 at 6:48 pm

They'll never make it as far as Waxahachie.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm

You just know they're going to end up in Phoenix.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:07 pm

if Thelma and Louise couldn't figure it out, nobody can.

weejee June 1, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Bad shot. He hit Lubbock and it shoulda been Dallas.

edit. sorry Jus_Wonderin

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

It's okay. I will be in the cellar anyway.

Infrogmation June 2, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Arlen Spector will now prove he took out both with a single bullet.

edgydrifter June 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Rob Wallace will "survey" the shit out of Texas.

Canmon June 1, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Texas, you just been messed with.

ManchuCandidate June 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

There's a big ass state of Texas, that I am going to fight,
We Okies [sic] really hate it, not just only me
They bitched so when I fought'em all my verbal shots hit,
And if I ever beat them, we won't ever take their shit.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

For some reason, I can't figure out the tune.

ManchuCandidate June 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Yellow Rose of Tejas

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Hum a few bars and I'll fake it. You sing.

coolhandnuke June 1, 2012 at 4:56 pm

This was bound to happen "Sooner" or later.

Boojum June 1, 2012 at 5:01 pm

OKie, glad you got that out of your system.

Crank_Tango June 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Too Soon!!!

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Too Sooner!!!!

aklibtard June 1, 2012 at 7:37 pm

They are a bunch of baby "Boomers" after all

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Okie Dokie, amigo.

i_AM_ready June 1, 2012 at 4:56 pm

This is what it's like to live in Bumfu-k. People so poor they're fighting over water, but they have plenty of money for guns.

Crank_Tango June 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Bullets, also.

NellCote71 June 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm

Don't forget the meth.

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Is Oklahoma's slogan still "OKlahoma is OK!"?

I mean, sure it is astoundingly clever, but it lacks ambition.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

You can't spell Oklahoma without HOMO?

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I can. But I have certain powers.

eaglewon June 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

the plates used to say "is ok", they now say "native america".

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Doesn't that make less sense?

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Go ask the Cherokee.

trampndirtdown June 1, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Don't forget the Chocktaw Chickasaw Creek and Seminole.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Oy. This is a slogan? Stating the obvious?

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Maybe. But it's still the best state song of any of the other 49. Seriously–do you want to sing Oklahoma or The Eyes of Texas?

Gratuitous World June 1, 2012 at 4:57 pm

shooting pictures attached to water containers is an important aspect of effective legislation.

also, Arizona feels left out.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Oh, I'm sure they'll simply attach a migrant worker to a water container and shoot him/her to make a point. No one will know what the point IS, but they'll make it.

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

FUCKEN-A BUBBA! Show that polar water who's it's daddy!

Boojum June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I like the fact that there are Democrats who shoot and stand on God and the Bible and put Social Security and Medicare right up there with guns and the Bible.

Of course, I still think they are ignant lubbers of Zombie Jeebus, but that's neither here nor there; they are MY ignant lubbers of Zombie Jeebus.

Rotundo_ June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Yup. Bubbas are just fine, so long as they are at the core decent folks: I don't care if you chew tobacco and are handy with thity-ought-six come deer season, or consider bass fishing equivalent to worship. You can do that and be just fine, and a decent, kind parent. It's when they start going nuts I get fearful of them.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm

"It's when they start going nuts I get fearful of them."

Or when they vote.

Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢ June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Is it okay to get a stiffie when a Democrat shoots somethin'?

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I'm a-loadin' up, Chick.

Serolf_Divad June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Nice, so the only way to get elected as a Democrat these days is to pretend to be even more batshit crazyee than your Republican opponent?

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

In Oklahoma? Yeah, I'd say so.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:17 pm

This is Oklahoma. Who's pretending?

Serolf_Divad June 2, 2012 at 12:11 am

Yeah, good point.

Beowoof June 1, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Oh man put this on pay per view on cable and you will make a fortune. I know I'll be watching.

tihond June 1, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Worst episode of Top Shot ever.

chascates June 1, 2012 at 5:01 pm

If you think that guy is crazy read the comments under this World Nut Daily story: http://www.wnd.com/2012/05/marxism-american-style

metamarcisf June 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

"they boiled the frog for a long time"?!?!

chascates June 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm

My favorite:
for all you obots just to see if you answer please tell me why berry had so many names a fake ssn and why when his stpe sis lea soetoro who suddenly passed like so many in berry back trail she said she,ll know this is barry once she sees the scars and the limp he got from falling from the mango tree ( berry has no limp ) aint that strange she never made it here to see if this was really the barry that they told her was her step bro

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

I'm not going over there to check. But, seriously, that's a real comment?

My god, I will NEVER be able to perfect my RW gibberish/misspellings. Those people are the true masters of it. I can't possibly compete with that.

chascates June 1, 2012 at 7:10 pm

This comment said it was edited by a moderator. This is AFTER the editing:

In some countrys you can't even get an aspirin without a prescription.
In the uk you can't have a tv antenna without paying a government tax or fee. They search peoples homes for hidden. Antennas.
The only thing 99% about it is they are to young and brainwashed to know what the cold war was all about.
They defile, spit in the face of their psrents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and everone that faught and gave their lives for the freedom they have today.
They want to throw all of that away because they cannot comprehend in the slightest what opression and tyrany is.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I might drink the water in Texas, and I might drink the water in Oklahoma. But will somebody pelase tell me where this guy lives, because I want to make a specific point of NOT drinking the water wherever that is.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Worst fan boy porn ever?

WhatTheHolyHeck June 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I don't understand the origin of the Obama=SPY concept they all appear to have downloaded and are playing on repeat.

A little help here?

chascates June 1, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I have no clue. You can't outguess a lunatic.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:16 pm

He's blah, therefore he cannot possibly be a real Amurrkin.
Actually, it's worse than that. He's blah, and *educated*. If he were like one of those blah guys getting arrested on the 6:00 news, they'd probably like him better, because he'd confirm beliefs that they already hold.

MittBorg June 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Ech. That site makes me feel like I need to blast myself clean with a flamethrower.

weejee June 1, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Seems some folks been sittin' out in the sun way too long.

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 5:24 pm

A word of advice:

DO NOT READ THE COMMENTS AT WORLD NUT DAILY.

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 1:04 pm

I wish you'd said that BEFORE I got there and broke my brain, sullivanst.

Designer_Radio June 1, 2012 at 8:30 pm

One commenter called Obama "obumochev". I kinda liked that. But otherwise, regular old stupid Wing Nut Daily.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

If there's a war between Texas and Oklahoma, I certainly hope both sides will lose.

glamourdammerung June 1, 2012 at 5:27 pm

If there's a war between Texas and Oklahoma, I certainly hope both sides will lose.

I would hardly be surprised if they managed it.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

But then who will attack Mississippi?

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 5:38 pm

We can leave that to North Carolina.

Serolf_Divad June 2, 2012 at 12:13 am

Q: If Texas and Oklahoma go to war, who wins?
A: Everybody else.

Schmannnity June 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

The shooting would have been a lot more entertaining if Texas had been stealing Oklahoma's watermelons.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Rush Springs will be ready for them. Watermelon is our state vegetable, you know, and Rush Springs grows the best of the bunch.

trampndirtdown June 2, 2012 at 12:03 am

Garden Grove libel!

Lascauxcaveman June 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

I hope he plans to fight Texas over there, so he won't have to fight them over here. Oklahoma would be fine, too, I guess. But isn't that just one of the larger counties in TX, anyway?

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Hey! Some of us might get our feelings hurt, you know.

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 10:56 pm

Sooner/Okie Libel!

trampndirtdown June 2, 2012 at 12:05 am

Calling all Okies Sooners is like calling Magic Johnson a Wolverine.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Please mess with Texas; they suck.

ElPinche June 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Yep, we're all hat , no cattle.

sharethegrief June 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Texas, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous.

metamarcisf June 1, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Has Romney found his VEEP?

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 5:05 pm

There are some things that are non-negotiable, like allowing mooslims to build their terror mosques in our state.

Not_So_Much June 1, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Can we work some sort of Mutually Assured Destruction angle into this?

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Boo. Bad idea for some of us.

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 5:09 pm

I'm going to run for Congress – it's settled – and I'm making ads using a flame thrower, like "when I get to congress I'm going to use my flamethrower to incinerate taxes" – and then oblitherate a pile of tax regulations. "Environmental regulations – they'll be turned to cinders on day one", etc…

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 5:11 pm

I do have to say the "I'm. Rob Wallace….BLAUW!!! And I appoved this message." Was pretty much a slice kick ass.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Now all they need are the lawyers… http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a

Mittens Howell, III June 1, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Typical campaign ad shoot:

Hi, I'm a quirky dumbass … blah blah … shake up Washington … blah blah … shoot gun … blah blah .. walk off camera, French-kiss cousin.

Hi-fives all around!

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Is the candidate's Speedo camouflage pattern, or stars and stripes?

fuflans June 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

ok, that okie guy's pretty damn cute.

CapnRadio June 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

"If Oklahoma can't have this water, no one can!"

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Joe Manchin opened the door, Rob Wallace charged right through.

Pop_Socket June 1, 2012 at 5:19 pm

He came to this revelation about precious fluids during the physical act of love.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 5:44 pm

His previous fluids were also quite revelatory.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 5:45 pm

So…he's really declaring War against Fluoridated water?

It's about time.

BarackMyWorld June 1, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Oklahoma vs. Texas: No matter who wins, we all lose.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 5:32 pm

No matter who loses, we all win?

BarackMyWorld June 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Regardless, they're still both gonna be states. :(

sullivanst June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Yeah but if they're nukular wastelands they'll lose a bunch of Representatives come 2020.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Rick Perry Libel!!! Texas is its own country, dagnabit!

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 5:26 pm

This could be the next Iran-Iraq war. I'm calling my broker and buying shares in automatic weapons and nerve gas.

Generation[redacted] June 1, 2012 at 6:48 pm

We can trade arms for Austin!

MissTaken June 1, 2012 at 5:29 pm

I was just thinking we need a new war, but I'm still undecided on who I will support.

Oklahoma and Texas, I gladly accept bribes.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Should I pull up my shirt?

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Do you take payment in chickens?

LiberalMantra June 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm

The Gripes Of Wrath, whatever. Hate to see what crawls out now that he's broke Texas' water.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 5:32 pm

I have a feeling Halliburton is behind this.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

They're an OK company, you know.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Halliburton thrives on carnage, Tiger. It consumes, infests, destroys, lives off the death and destruction of other species.

Maman June 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Let the water wars begin!

Generation[redacted] June 1, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Another step towards Idiocracy. Soon all campaign ads will simply be the candidate firing a truck-mounted machine gun shouting yee-haw as it tears through the countryside.

Biggest TruckNutz takes the delegates.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Hmmmm. Anyone got a tank with a big gun on top? (Okay, so I'm not good with whatever various weapons are named). I'm thinking about running against Inhofe (R-Oil). No talking, just shootin'. A campaign okies can relate to.

Want to be my campaign manager? Then get me that tank.

Designer_Radio June 1, 2012 at 8:40 pm

You can shoot it at a water tower with a muslin painted on it.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 5:34 pm

So Texas apparently is stealing other peoples' water now; who do they think they are, Southern California?

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Begun, the Clown Wars have.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 5:39 pm

I wanna be there when he discovers that the Red River is bulletproof.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 5:42 pm

On second thought, Oklahoma: maybe War with Texas is just not a good idea.
You know how those people get.

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 5:47 pm

He's a Dem, so I guess that surveyor Marx we're looking at there.

rickmaci June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

F* it. A Dem with a high powered rifle. I approve his message.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Can we get South Carolina to invade Florida next?

docterry6973 June 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

And this is the Democrat? And doesn't Texas already own Oklahoma?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Speaking of which, an Oklahoman pal of mine moved to Dallas in the fifties, made a bundle in oil, and retired back home in Tulsa. He may be a carpetbagger, but at least he ain't a teabagger.

randcoolcatdaddy June 1, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Meh. It's not like he's eating off Texas's face or anything.

DustBowlBlues June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Yes, yes, I know everyone is holding their respective breaths, just waiting to see what yours truly thinks of this. Here goes:

1) Fuck Texas
2) FUCK TEXAS!!!!!!!!! (For any 'baggers reading this)

3) Fuckers have been after our water for years. Fuck Texas. Stay dry, you dip shits. This is the Dust Bowl, and water is precious. The Chickasaw Nation and Choctaw Nation claim the water, based on treaty rights. But who ever paid attention to the Indians?

HIstorical note: Oklahoma and Texas are the only two states to have declared war on each other. Their respective National Guards were lined up at the Red River bridge that both states wanted to charge tolls to cross. They had their guns ready, until FDR yelled "nationalize the fuckers" and took the authority from TX Guv and ours, Gov. Alfalfa Bill Murray.

If I were in this guy's district, I would happily and proudly vote for him.
Time to finish the business that Alfalfa Bill began. Boomer Sooner!

chascates June 1, 2012 at 7:57 pm

And in your area there's the Ogallala Aquifer, or what's left of it. I remember as a kid in the Texas panhandle how incredibly cold the water was coming up out of a well in someone's field. Now the water level is much lower. At least neither of us live in California's Central Valley where water is stolen from several states!

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 1:10 pm

The water wars are coming. Time to pay the bill for this greedy, expensive lifestyle.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:23 pm

"Alfalfa Bill Murray"

Strangest mental picture of the day, or possibly the week.

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Well, Michigan and Ohio went to war over Toledo (thank god we didn't win), but it was never formally declared, and no one was injured. To this day, we can't stand the Buckeyes, and the Buckeyes can't stand us, and that's the way it should be.

Wolverines!

trampndirtdown June 2, 2012 at 12:10 am

Being an OSU grad I'm with you up till the Boomer Sooner, other than that keep their Texas asses south of the Red.

Callyson June 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

This is one southerner named Wallace that I can get behind…well, he's probably a blue dog so only to a point…um, so to speak…

Goonemeritus June 1, 2012 at 6:12 pm

Why can’t New York take a page out of this book? I would love to see a Governor Cuomo ad the bragged about being balls deep in New Jersey’s girlfriend.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Remember when Staten Island was threatening to move to NJ? Like Jersey could afford to pay for the Molinari family's accustomed lifestyle.

TanzbodenKoenig June 1, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Two idiots enter, one moran leaves. THE REDNECKDOME!

M. Szyslak June 1, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Sumbitch got MY vote. Fuck Texas. Right inda corn chute.

aklibtard June 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm

This is just about as liberal as OK politicians gets. It's a shame because I went to OU and can tell you that Oklahoma actually does have a little hippie in it. There's a small but non-negligible part of the population that is pretty liberal. They all congregate during various music festivals, but you can find them just about everywhere. They're just do dispersed that they never have any elected representation. There's no "Oklahoma Austin".

Chet Kincaid June 1, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

Chet Kincaid June 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Can't we just settle this with basketball, instead of bringing firearms into it?! Western Conference Finals for all the water!

chascates June 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm

The Red River Rivalry, commonly known as the Texas-OU Game or OU-Texas Game, is an American college football rivalry game played annually by the Oklahoma Sooners football team of the University of Oklahoma and the Texas Longhorns football team of the University of Texas.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Winner gets to go to war with Arizona.

chascates June 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Loser fights Kansas.

heathenette June 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I think we need to have one of those brackett things, for playoffs-etc.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:06 pm

"Um, *sure*, you can have our water. yeah, that's the ticket. Go on, go ahead and drink it [tents fingers] muhahaha."

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Ha ha!
NOBODY wants to steal water from New Jersey!
Oh, wait.
Awww.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 9:00 pm

[giggling in the background]
Texas [muffled]: Shut up, it's ringing!
Dispatcher: 911, what is your emergency?
Texas: This is Rob Wallace, and I just shot Texas.

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 9:22 pm

And this is what they call a Democrat down in Oklahoma, fuck my life. I give up. We're in a fullblown idiocracy, now. So, the only way you can be for Medicare, down there, is if you're also for shooting random shit in a video…because why, again?

If someone had actually put that ad out, up here, we'd have laughed his ass into one of the lakes.

Guppy June 2, 2012 at 12:07 am

If you can't prove to the Bitterz that you're not going to seize their guns, they'll keep pushing for more "Stand Your Ground" laws.

Wile E. Quixote June 1, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Can we get Alabama and MIssissippi to go to war with each other? We need to figure out ways to get all of the dumb, white southern conservatives in America to auto-darwinate.

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 10:17 pm

Frankly, in this case I say let loose the dogs of war, but for gods sake don't let them interbreed! This country is cretinous enough as it is.

Texpunk June 1, 2012 at 11:23 pm

YEE-HAW!!!

. . . and, to quote another famous Texan, "BRING IT ON!!!"

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 1:14 pm

And we all know how well THAT ended.

ttommyunger June 2, 2012 at 8:07 am

I got my first shotgun at 12, my first rifle at 13, my first handgun at 15. My first job required that I be armed and just about every job since l959 has had the same requirement. Even today I go armed 24/7. I've actually shot and killed people with a gun. I don't think I've ever posed for a picture with a gun in my hand-in my fucking life. I'm calling this shit the "Lee Harvey Oswald Syndrome". I think the act of posing for an ad or pix with a gun is prima facia evidence of serious character deficiencies. This article mostly proves the point that bat-shit crazy crosses all Party Lines and that this Doofus cannot be trusted with any responsible position in or out of government.

heathenette June 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

At last, some good news!

ttommyunger June 3, 2012 at 6:05 am

Now that's scary!

tcaalaw June 3, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Isn't this how Cambodia ended up getting invaded by Vietnam back in the later 1970s? Picking a fight with a much larger and more heavily armed neighbor.

Allmighty_Manos June 4, 2012 at 9:11 am

I think other countries are highly impressed by the fact our politicians use footage of themselves shooting stuff in their commercials.

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 5:40 pm

Um, wrong Republi-femmetard, but I get the idea.

MittBorg June 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Wait a minute. I'M NOT YOU!!! I'm MittBorg (for now, anyway).

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:17 pm

So THAT's how stupid you have to be to pay any attention to Fox News.

Negropolis June 2, 2012 at 11:11 pm

I stopped a Cherokee since I thought they were the most well known. lol I'm actually part Chickasaw and Choctaw.

BTW, that section of OK is some of the most beautiful in the nation, if you ask me. The entire eastside of the state, in fact, is really something.

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