#HEBLOWSALOT  5:45 pm June 1, 2012

Kansas Gov. Brownback Turns Attention To Non-Problem of Sharia Law

by Kris E. Benson

WooooooooHaving all but eliminated legal access to abortion in the state of Kansas and also made it harder for women to access affordable birth control, Governor “#heblowsalot” Sam Brownback can now turn his attention to creating problems for Muslim women in particular, rather than for all women in general. He is cleverly doing this through taking on the very pressing, very important non-problem of judges applying foreign law in American courtrooms.

Fox News (of COURSE) is “reporting” that the law would go into effect on July 1:

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state’s courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes, and a national Muslim group’s spokesman said Friday that a court challenge is likely.

The new law, taking effect July 1, doesn’t specifically mention Shariah law, which broadly refers to codes within the Islamic legal system. Instead, it says courts, administrative agencies or state tribunals can’t base rulings on any foreign law or legal system that would not grant the parties the same rights guaranteed by state and U.S. constitutions.

There is no known case in which a Kansas judge has implemented Shar’iah law in his or her courtroom, by the way, so clearly this is a problem deserving of immediate and sustained attention — and OF COURSE, Governor Brownback thinks its wrong to mix religion and politics and SURELY he is doing this out of concern for women’s rights, duh.

(Incidentally, a lack of specificity means that it might accidentally outlaw Orthodox Jewish practices, but everyone knows that you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs!) Also! Does this legislation really go far enough? Why stop at the law? Why not demand an end to all Arab OR Islamic influences, period! Where can we expect the tyranny of Arabic numerals and  algebra and alcohol to end? It’s IN OUR SCHOOLS, won’t someone think of the CHILDREN?? Governor #heblowsalot is our only hope in ending this madness! Besides, everyone is doing it.

Both the Washington-based council and the National Conference of State Legislatures say such proposals have been considered in 20 states, including Kansas. [L]aws similar to Kansas’ new statute have been enacted in Arizona, Louisiana and Tennessee.

Ah yes. Arizona, Louisiana, and Tennessee. That’s a ringing endorsement — unless Florida gets on board, then it will REALLY be time to move on this issue. [HuffPo]

 
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{ 135 comments }

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Kansas needs to go to war with Texas too.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

"Kansas has always been at war with Texas."

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Notice that Texas hasn't endorsed such laws (at least not yet). Kansas: this means war!

johnnymeatworth June 1, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Can we wait until Perry's not governor anymore?

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Let me know when they ban the Ten Commandments.

weejee June 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Let me know when they find an advance copy of the new Green Lantern comic in Brownback's private office.

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

They need to put these people in a safe place (for their own protection, of course) – at least until a final solution can be arrived at.

new_pic_for_NEWTer June 1, 2012 at 6:09 pm

…Those hoods are there for your protection…

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Yes, we do need a solution for Republican legislators. Something involving and electric fence and food drops and such as.

Jus_Wonderin June 1, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Finally, someone will do something about activist judges that legislate from the burka.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Now is going to fund the task force to protect us all from the boogieman?

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm

I asked a co-worker, after a FEMA camp rant, if he looks in his closet every night to make sure Jimmy Carter isn't in there to get him. He looked at me as if he actually did look in his closet, but would look foolish if he said he did.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:37 pm

You should have asked him if he checked under his bed each night to make sure Bill Clinton wasn't under it, too.

kingofmeh June 1, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Allah them, Katie.

HobbesEvilTwin June 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

yay for state legislatures, where you must be one of the three "R's" to serve:
Rich, Retired, or that word that gets your comments deleted on teh Wonkets.

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Reagan?

BarackMyWorld June 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Rednecks?

Chill_Bill June 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Romney?

weejee June 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Rumpelstiltskin?

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

RealTurds?

Callyson June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

Republican?

MissTaken June 1, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Wriggling in Excrement?

Nope, that's a W. I'm all out of ideas.

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Rolling in Excrement!

Mumbletypeg June 1, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Yes, but it was a classic!

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:50 pm

That would explain the brown on the back that is Brownback.

coolhandnuke June 1, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Rump Rangers?

FlownOver June 1, 2012 at 6:09 pm

RubbingOneOut?

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 6:17 pm

[REDACTED]?

Mumbletypeg June 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm

Really bad pirate jokes that exploit anything starting with the letter "arrrrrr"?

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm

Reactionary?

I know it can't be "reasonable".

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Rescue Rangers?

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Reliable?

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:32 pm

Redundant?

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Relatable?

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Regurgitation?

I'll stop now, I promise.

anniegetyerfun June 1, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Rascally?

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Okay, one more from me:

Reagan-tastic?

nounverb911 June 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

Needs more tornadoes.

randcoolcatdaddy June 1, 2012 at 5:51 pm

It was a misunderstanding – it's actually about _Siri_ Law. The governor's not a fan of Apple products.

edgydrifter June 1, 2012 at 5:52 pm

Brownback's the kind of implacable ass who nails his own door shut because "it ain't closed enough."

BarackMyWorld June 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Nothing to worry about, Christians. Jesus is American.

weejee June 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

And heading to number one in Brownbackastan, this hot number from the hottest band ever ever, the Minarets sing ♪♫ Sharia, Sharia baby ♫♪

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:35 pm

Didda-budda-domp-bomp, My Sharia…

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 9:23 pm

♪♫ Drop yer bombs between the Minarets (bomp, bomp bompbomp)
Make the Moooslems Payyeeee! ♫♪

♪♫ Brownbaaack don't like it (bomp, bomp bompbomp)
Rock the Courthouse, Rock the Courthouse! ♫♪

vtxmcrider June 1, 2012 at 9:32 pm

They are also releasing a remake (and re-title) of the 1969 Stevie Wonder hit:

My Sharia Amour

OneYieldRegular June 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Based on Kansas' stellar record of disregarding evidence-based science, restricting women's reproductive rights, and basing legislative decisions on their concordance with religious doctrine, I'd just assumed they were working under Sharia Law already.

anniegetyerfun June 1, 2012 at 7:46 pm

Actually, when it comes to things like teaching science in schools, you might be better off under shariah law than under current Kansas law.

Mittens Howell, III June 1, 2012 at 5:53 pm

If Obama was sentenced to stoning under Shariah law, Brownback would be flinging stones faster than you can say '"Allahh!!…ayayayayayayay…."

SayItWithWookies June 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

It's what Jesus would've wanted — "Let he who is without anything but self-interest cast the first stone."

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 5:54 pm

If most Kansas men actually read Islamic Law (with respect to women) they would probably vote to impose it immediately.

yrbmegr June 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

So, perhaps Kansas already has Sharia Law and doesn't know it.

CountryClubJihadi June 1, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Hee-Hawria Law.

MissNancyPriss June 2, 2012 at 2:22 am

Just spit my diet ginger ale outta my nose.

coolhandnuke June 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm

I wonder what Gov. Brownback's position is on the Rev. Fred Phelps and his Topeka cult of lawyers interpretations and demonstrations of Biblical laws?

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 6:02 pm

I suspect the governor is (very, very closely) behind Fred Phelps, probably on top.

coolhandnuke June 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm

AKA the Brownback Mountin'

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Well, bottom, of course.

yrbmegr June 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Well, it's good to know that any contract not formed under any law in the United States is UNENFORCEABLE in Kansas. Suggests a certain legal strategy.

CleverSobriquet June 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

They can ban the tyranny of Arabic influence when they pry the hashish from my cold stoned fingers

Joshua Norton June 1, 2012 at 5:57 pm

♪ Everything's up to date in Kansas City…♫

barto June 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Does he handle snakes, too, by any chance?

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 6:11 pm

You mean like this former moran?
http://rising-hegemon.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-gues

A "serpent-handling" West Virginia pastor died after his rattlesnake bit him during a church ritual, just as the man had apparently watched a snake kill his father years before.

Rotundo_ June 1, 2012 at 6:29 pm

Just called to Juhhh Heeeeeeezzzzzzzzusssssssss! a little early by a diamondback rattler. I suppose he was bellerin' in tongues and no one noticed the snake bite on the jugular vein until he keeled over. Brother Doofus is with Juhhhhhh Heeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzusssss! now.

emmelemm June 1, 2012 at 6:47 pm

'S God's plan, oh yes.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Some people never learn. But, then again, "having faith" often means not havin' to learn nuthin'.

BelleSC June 1, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I thought I was going to pee in my pants when I read that. What a maroon.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 2, 2012 at 1:54 am

If you're referring to Kansas state legislators, yes.

yrbmegr June 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Kansas becomes the divorce capital of the world as estranged couples from foreign countries flock to Kansas to have their marriages nullified.

Cool.

Goonemeritus June 1, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Thank God one State has the common sense to protect our union from the pernicious influence of foreign legal traditions. I for one have just about had enough of those damn fog breathers and their Magna Carta. And only 200 years after the war of 1812.

emmelemm June 1, 2012 at 6:08 pm

"Fog breathers"?

That's a new one on me.

SorosBot June 1, 2012 at 6:14 pm

And what's with using those foreign concepts like English common law and Roman trial by jury?

WIDTAP June 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

Personally, I blame the Greeks and their furin' notion of democracy.

LiberalMantra June 1, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Last I heard, after his sermon from Brownback Mountain, he was hollering "let my people go" and making the burka a male-only garment.

Chichikovovich June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

It's a good start, but I think Kansas shouldn't rest until they've banned the practice of all religions that originate in the Middle East.

Rotundo_ June 1, 2012 at 6:36 pm

That might run afoul of the seperation of church and state: It would in effect only allow Pastafarianism (as FSM first laid his noodly appendages on his disciples in Kansas). Okay, it might allow Mormonism because Joseph Smith pulled it out (oops!) was visited by the Archangel Moroni here in these here United States here.

Chichikovovich June 1, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Goddess Shakti would like a word with you. After Shiva's finished.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Trimurti are coming and boy are they pissed.

UW8316154 June 2, 2012 at 9:21 am

But Smith was from New York, and that's a right fancy place to be from, if you're in Kansas. Joseph Smith ==> eleeet.

Lionel[redacted]Esq June 1, 2012 at 6:04 pm

This just doesn't seem kosher.

flamingpdog June 1, 2012 at 6:15 pm

From Fox News: Rep. Scott Schwab, an Olathe Republican, acknowledged that the measure merely "made some people happy" and that a vote against it could be cast politically as a vote in favor of Shariah law.

"Am I really concerned that Shariah law is going to take over the Kansas courts? No," he said. "I'm more concerned about getting jobs to Kansas."

That's a switch – usually Fux News is calling a Republican a Democrat!! Wait, huh?

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 6:20 pm

NEEDZ MOAR NIGHT OF BROKEN GLASS!!!!!!

(sorry. Baconz is on his mobile and can't look up how to spell in in German)

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 6:31 pm

Kristallnacht.

And, sweet Jesus I hope not.

TanzbodenKoenig June 1, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Let's see:

White male minority fearful of losing their undeserved political power? Check
Economic malaise because of idiotic wars? Check
Political deadlock? Check
Scapegoating socialists and religious minorities? Check
Mouthbreathing useful idiots in uniform on the streets supporting the fascist agenda? Check

Welcome to Weimar America, Baconz, if the Capitol Building happens to burn down you can find me on the first plane outta here

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 8:08 pm

*sigh* I don't even want to think about that too much. I mean, I hated having to wear patches on even my Cub Scout uniform.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm

They keep on promising us that they all will be Raptured up to Heaven, leaving the world alone to progress in peace. Yet they never do.

I'm getting tired of waiting.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:45 pm

No shit. I've had my eyes on some nice real estate here in town for the past few years. And it would come fully furnished, too.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Cars, boats and RV's too. I wish there was something else we could do to hurry the whole process up. I'm sinning as fast as I can.

imissopus June 1, 2012 at 6:23 pm

Please, like there are any Orthodox Jews in Kansas.

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Where do you think Kansans get good deals on nice diamonds????

Chichikovovich June 1, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I thought the state motto was "Kansas: Where People Pay Retail"

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Sometimes they fly over

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 9:15 pm

Suburban Kansas City libel!

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 6:25 pm

OT, but speaking of Sharia Law – when are the TWO contests going to be settled here. I submitted a ton of those "I'm with Mitt" things and I'm waiting for my eternal glory!

Schmannnity June 1, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Fuck that ENGLISH common law.

rickmaci June 1, 2012 at 6:32 pm

No long robes and masked head coverings UNLESS they are white, the head piece is cone shaped, it's night time and you are standing next to a flaming cross.

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm

This is why when I stay in KC I always get a hotel in KCMO and not KCK.

FYI KCMO has a better music scene. Seasons To Risk came from there.

Puffperney June 2, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Very true! BB's Lawnside BBQ & Blues is not to be missed in KCMO.

Exhausted66 June 1, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Last week he exempted every business owner from any taxes.
Time to start a Sharia Law Firm in Kansas for all of the tax bennies.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 6:37 pm

"Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback has signed a law aimed at keeping the state’s courts or government agencies from basing decisions on Islamic or other foreign legal codes…"

Hey…Isn't the "Ten Commandments" a Foreign Legal Code?

Protect us from that Alien Religious Law!

Generation[redacted] June 1, 2012 at 6:38 pm

This law makes gay marriage legal.

Chichikovovich June 1, 2012 at 6:49 pm

OK, comment of the week right there. All that talk about how marriage laws are based on "2000 year old traditions" looks pretty suspicious right about now.

Baconzgood June 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Now wrap your fucking head around this….brace your selves and take a shot of booze…Kansas has alotta war heads that can vaporize many people.

Native_of_SL_UT June 1, 2012 at 6:39 pm

We have some sort of Sharia law here in Utah I think. It's why car dealerships can't sell cars on Sunday.
Wait, What? That was the Mormons?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 6:40 pm

You ever get the feeling that this anti-Sharia stuff isn't just about demonizing Muslims, but also about anti-semites finding a backdoor way of banning kosher laws? Same result.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Has anyone told Brownback about Halal yet?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I doubt it. They don't call him "Porky" for nothing.

poorgradstudent June 1, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Why can't libs counter with laws against evangelical law? Unlike this it wouldn't be a meaningless gesture.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Wait until Kansas figures out they've banned a host of Laws people use every day. Laws from Babylon, Greece and (gasp) Persia.

Algebra.

Time to burn those Math textbooks, Brownback. You know you want to.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 8:05 pm

You mean Kansas hasn't already burned their Math textbooks? I thought they did that after they burned all the Biology textbooks.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 8:27 pm

You're probably right and that sounds like the exact order they'd Burn them in. Social Studies and Civics texts first, BTW.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 9:23 pm

All they need is one textbook. It's the Jesus one.
Chapter titles?
Chapter One: Jesus Makes The World.
Chapter Two: Jesus Teaches Cavemen To Ride Dinosaurs And How To Turn Them Into A Nice Bar-B-Que.
Chapter Three: Incest.
Chapter Four: The World Gets A Little Soggy.
Chapter Five: Incest.
Chapter Six: Moses Mad!
(A few boring chapters)
Chapter Eleven: Guess What Happens to Mary?
Chapter Twelve: Jesus, Where You At?
Chapter Thirteen: Jesus Has An Unfortunate Experience With A Mob, A Piece Of Wood, And Nails.
Chapter Fourteen: John of Patmos Does Acid.
Chapter Fifteen: Jesus Founds America By Writing The Constitution.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 9:30 pm

This is great. As concise a summary of modern American Fundamentalist myth making that I've seen.

Reminds me of Jesus: The Missing Years. Enjoy.

chascates June 1, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Catholic women wearing scarves to mass had better be prepared to be profiled as Muslims. I can't imagine any Sikhs that live in Kansas but if they do at least the men carry a big-ass knife to defend themselves against the Kansas Purity Police. Soon Afghan dogs will be in danger. And we thought 'Bloody Kansas' was gone 150 years ago.

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 8:00 pm

I'll never forget the story of the Sikh guy who was shot & killed right after 9/11 because some dumbass thought he was Muslim because he was wearing a turban.

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Nuns are in real trouble, what with their bad habits and all.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 7:26 pm

Who could imagine that they would Freak Out Somewhere in Kansas?

It can't happen here!

Butch_Wagstaff June 1, 2012 at 7:56 pm

On a Zappa kick, huh?
I approve.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Often. And thanks!

Naked_Bunny June 1, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Islamic or other foreign legal codes

At least they won't be trying to put the Ten Commandments in public buildings anymore.

johnnyzhivago June 1, 2012 at 7:32 pm

I'm proposing a law: you wear a burqua with croqs – you go to jail – directly to jail.

anniegetyerfun June 1, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Those are actually niqaab and sandals, but it's still a rather unflattering get-up.

tessiee June 1, 2012 at 8:41 pm

How about just, if you're wearing crocs (and don't need to wear them for your job), you go directly to jail?

anniegetyerfun June 1, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I am 100% comfortable with outlawing religious laws and legal codes in America courthouses. As long as it applies to every religion.

SayItWithWookies June 1, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Kansas' resident clergy just doesn't want the competition — there are only so many underage boys to go around, after all.

Negropolis June 1, 2012 at 9:07 pm

There is no known case in which a Kansas judge has implemented Shar’iah law in his or her courtroom…

There is also no known case of a Muslim living openly in Kansas.

Ryy June 1, 2012 at 9:10 pm

Someone should write a book about what is wrong with Kansas. Hmmm…. snappy title!

valthemus June 1, 2012 at 9:23 pm

Part of me thinks letting Sammy and his little friends deal with these non-issues is preferable to letting them get involved with actual grown up stuff. There are good reasons for why we let children play with plush toys instead of particle accelerators.

Dudleydidwrong June 1, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Which one of those two people in the picture is Brownback? One of them has to be Brownback, since the story is about him. Is he the short one in the cute little blue shoes?

TribecaMike June 1, 2012 at 11:12 pm

The etymology of "Brownback" needs to be investigated, though any first grader could figure it out right away.

Wile E. Quixote June 2, 2012 at 12:27 am

When is that fucking bastard God going to get off of his lazy ass and Rapture™ these fucks? Seriously, I'll take the anti-Christ any day of the week over these fucking Christians any day of the week.

ttommyunger June 2, 2012 at 8:17 am

People like Brownback gives white morons a bad name.

Biel_ze_Bubba June 2, 2012 at 10:04 am

I wonder what this means for all the Jeebus-based anti-abortion laws in Kansas.

Pithaughn June 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Huh, if I didn't know better I'd say these R lawmakers are trying to distract voters from how crappy the economy and job prospects are while they are in office, to create jobs from thin air, aka tax breaks for people ( corporations) that hire workers out side of the US.
Ha, of course I know better. Pith was born in the afternoon but not yesterday afternoon. Yesterday afternoon Pith was picking Bing cherries. Now that is a real job, pretty hard to hire a 14 year old Chinese girl to pick the cherries in the yard.

owhatever June 2, 2012 at 12:07 pm

No law in Kansas but that handed down by the Four Fathers, the Book of Mormon, and Archie and Jughead. Betty and Veronica (pictured above) do not get to vote on this because they are only women.

WIDTAP June 3, 2012 at 9:57 am

So much for Rabbinical court divorces and Catholic annulments!

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