photo tours

George W. Bush Is President of Paintings

Take it to the pawn shopAnd this is a painting of George W. Bush, as unveiled at a White House ceremony that just wrapped up. Look at ‘im. He’s like, “Boy howdy don’t I look good, hummina hummina.” And no, it wasn’t “awkward,” this ceremony. Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail. As if Bush gives a crap? No, they just told jokes and everyone had a laugh, ha ha ha, like that.

Laura Bush got a painting too! Her facial expression says, “I love abortion and gays and cigarettes and pills and am a Democrat, but being a Republican first lady is also fun.” Your Wonkette would kill to be a Republican first lady. Think of all the money and shit you’d get afterwards, right?

But man oh man, if Obama weren’t such a SELLOUT, he would’ve arrested the whole room! Karl Rove was there, Alberto Gonzalez was there. George W. Bush was there. And there’s Tom Ridge and Dana Perino! Arrest Dana Perino first, for laughs.

Again, the face of the Greatest American Hero Ever:

Sadly, it’s time to go back to Texas now. Bye George W. Bush! (Seriously, just leave now.)

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Comments

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  • StarsUponThars

    All hat, no cattle.

    • CthuNHu

      All asshat, no cattle.

      Fixed.

    • memzilla

      This should dispel the myth of the UN's black helicopters forever… because if they had them, surely they would have airlifted in a SWAT team and renditioned the entire guest list right off to The Hague for prosecution.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        You keep thinking that good is rewarded in this world and evil punished! It's SO charmingly naive!

        Also, teh logic: Do you think the asshats who think the UN has black helicopters are persuaded by anything LIKE logic?

    • edgydrifter

      All jock, no cock.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    What is that little dribble of pearlescent stuff coming out of the corner of his mouth?

    • Barb

      Cheney shot him in the face too?

    • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

      A chocolate-covered pretzel, prolly.

    • chascates

      Satan's cum.

    • Estproph

      Liquid smirk.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Any official portrait of W should be painted on black velvet.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Fat W or early W?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Elvis Presley libel.

    • nounverb911

      In a codpiece?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Should be painted in shit. That's the only medium sufficient to express the world's sentiments about that worthless failure.

      • Fare la Volpe

        Blood and viscera work pretty well.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          One million Iraqis' worth.

      • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

        I was just going to say "the blood of innocents".

    • Respitetini

      Joe Biden already called dibs on that.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    I like the touch of rosacea on the cheeks and chin. Liquor or "clearing the back 40" induced?

    • http://www.thesuniverse.blogspot.com thesuniverse

      Liquor. Absolutely. You can smell it wafting off the painting.

    • Tundra Grifter

      I'm going with "bar tan."

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    They did a nice job fancying up the basement janitor's closet.

  • Barb

    If you look closely at the images of George and Laura, you can see that it was created with glue and blown chads.

    If you look over his shoulder you can see a jar on top shelf. Must be a family portrait.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Ah, done in that late 19th, early 20th century technique Nopointellism.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Sir, I am struck dumb with found. That was brilliant.

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Seurat libel!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Lucky Chad

  • FNMA

    That's the expression of a man who has Dick Cheney's hand up his ass.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Should have said on the bottom
    Wanted: For War Crimes
    Dead or Alive

    • HogeyeGrex

      Perhaps, "The lone and level sands stretch far away."

  • Mittens Howell, III

    What, no "Still Life With Pretzel"?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Damn you! I thought of that. Funny.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I think the plate in the background use to hold the pretzels.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Too bad it's not "Still Dead With Pretzel"

      Not that I, you know, wish that on our former President, Mr Secret Service agent. Please feel some Relief.

      Altho, in fairness, even W had to be wry today:

      "Thanks so much for inviting our rowdy friends to my hanging,” he said to laughter. Mr. Bush then praised his wife, Laura, his mother, Barbara, and above all his father, former President George Bush, who attended the ceremony in a wheelchair.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Not still enough.

  • An_Outhouse

    They captured the chronic alcoholic look quite nicely.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Hey, this is Wonkette. We don't gather here to discus W's better points.

  • IncenseDebate

    He doesn't look like a war criminal. Just goes to show you can't judge a murderous traitor by his official White House portrait.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Don't let the Lincoln Memorial hit you in the ass on the way out.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Is it a Kincade?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Think of the bar tab for that session.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      Does it show a sadistic light in his eyes?

    • OkieDokieDog

      I prefer the Bob Ross version.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Bob Ross Libel! He had standards.

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Yes! He painted squirrels, not nuts!

    • JustPixelz

      Obviously not. Kinkade didn't paint humans, just isolated cottages lit from within. It's all metaphysical because Jesus is a shelter where you go to get away from other humans. Also a place to go if you want to get drunk, laid by your mistress.

    • CthuNHu

      Only the brush of a Jon McNaughton could capture the true essence of this man.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      No kin o' mine, and that's all I care about.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    In that painting, I like the painting of the Pony Express rider behind him, but that's about it.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Currently working on my own 'vomit by numbers' portrait of W.

    • Fairtackle

      Great flash mob idea.

  • e_z

    His head looks like a 3D flic when you take the glasses off…

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I hear he did better on the SAT's than over half of the creatures living in my pond.

    • JustPixelz

      You don't have to defend him anymore.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Wow, I didn't even know pond scum was allowed to take the SATs.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    The cluelessness, the vapidity, the stupid, brutal, willful ignorance, it's all right there. Captured it perfectly.

    The portraitist is a genius. Should be given a medal or something.

  • Schmannnity

    What me worry?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Alfred E. Neuman libel.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    needz fewer urns, more fetus jars

  • Barb

    For Barbara Bush's portrait, they just took an old one of George Washington and added lots and lots of wrinkles.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You are making me snortle. Monitor, right is bespeckled.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I thought that was the Quaker Oats guy's portrait, touched up?

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What? No flight suit?

    • Chichikovovich

      Truly. They should have at least hung a "Mission Accomplished" banner above the fireplace.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      Flight suit? no. cod piece? yes.

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Was Dubbya going around giving noogies and wedgies to the assembled?

    • http://tonguepunch.insanejournal.com/ Andrew Drinker

      And backrubs.

    • MosesInvests

      "Pull mah finger."

  • http://www.wonkette.com Chill_Bill

    Thomas Kinkade must be rolling in his grave.

    (Yes! I always wanted to say that!)

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      You think Tommy the Shill has seen the light?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He would be, but Satan is keeping him busy repainting his rec room.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Satan wouldn't torture himself like that.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Nah, Satan has him painting Breitbart's room.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

            That sounds *much* more like the Biely I've come to know and love.

  • BloviateMe

    Putin looked deep into the painting's eyes, and knew in his heart it was a good painting.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    They look like illustrations from a shitty Fifties' children's book.

    'My Drunk Dad Goes To Washington' or something.

    • OkieDokieDog

      See George. See George run. See George run the economy into the crapper.

    • HogeyeGrex

      The paintings are awful too.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Now let's see a painting of his birf certificat

  • noodlesalad

    needz moar pretzels and yappy dogs

    • OkieDokieDog

      BARNEY BUSH LIBEL!

      Hey, I liked Barney. He and Millie were the best o'the Bushes.

  • Ruhe

    Staring off into space after something that even he doesn't find particularly interesting. The look of a man who finds very little in the world to be particularly interesting. The banality of evil.

    • http://www.wonkette.com/ FlownOver

      Or, in this case, the evil of banality.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I assume the picture behind shrub is of bin Laden riding away from Tora Bora?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Why does he have an expression like a guy with a tight rectum and a pudgy white hand up it?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    It takes special paint and techniques to capture stupid like that.

  • JustPixelz

    Where's the burning Constitution?

    • horatiusbridges

      In all fairness, all Presidents burn constitutions. Why, it's literally a job requirement. (Just expressing my disappointment about the Obama drone policies)

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I really thought they do something that more closely reflected the mood of our country after his tenure. Like, just fucking Xerox Edvard Munch's The Scream.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or Goya's Saturn Devouring His Children. Actually, I think The Nation did that.

  • Baconzgood

    He looks smarmy even in paintings.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      He *is* smarmy. Ineffably smarmy. And how I'd like to eff him.

      • MosesInvests

        Ewww-thought you had higher standards than that.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail.

    How dumb are people, really?

    Bush and Obama (along with Clinton and Bush Elder) are like the four closest men on the planet. Bush and Obama hae even shot rounds of golf together. Not even Mitt can make that claim.

  • AutomaticPilot

    It should depict him holding a copy of "The Pet Goat" in one hand and a Big Gulp in the other.

  • Goonemeritus

    I have noticed over time my views of past POTUS have softened and I look back with an eye to their better qualities rather than their failings. After four years the best I can come up for W is I enjoy the extra weeks of daylight savings time.

    • Generation[redacted]

      That was their most brilliant energy conservation policy, wasn't it?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I don't think I ever actually *hated* a political figure until Bush/Cheney. Sure, I thought Nixon was a crook, and Reagan a senile fool, but both of them had actual accomplishments while in office. They did things that made the world a bit safer, or better or improved lives in some way. GeeDubz is the only political figure whose life has directly affected mine that I can honestly say has done nothing at all in all the time that he was in charge to make anybody's life the slightest bit better.

  • Schmannnity

    The satisfied gaze of a man who just found the hidden weapons of mass destruction in the "corner" of the Oval Office.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Say, who's the tall Jacobin monk making both Rove and Perino laugh?

  • elburritodeluxe

    I calls him 'pursie' – cuz of the way he purses his lips!

  • MMathS

    Is this a McNaughten?

  • SenileAgitation

    The painting behind George in his painting, is that Paul Revere riding to warn the British, or some Frederick Remington pony express bushwah?

  • Schmannnity

    Dana Perino and Callista Gingrich separated at birth? Discuss amongst yourselves.

  • Chichikovovich

    Are the books behind him leather-bound copies of "My Pet Goat"?

    • Barb

      Made from goat leather?

      • Chichikovovich

        In fact, they are. Bush insisted that the binders use leather from the goats killed in the PETA click-on ads he enjoys so much.

    • MadBrahms

      "Brush-clearing for dummies"

      • Ms_Anthrope

        "Presidentin' for Dummies"

    • Nostrildamus

      Nah, just a leather-bound Condi.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Is Dana Perino looking a little "refreshed"? She is beginning to look like a blonde Michele Bachmann

    • ElPinche

      Neocon semen has its beauty secrets.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    That has to be the most erection killing collection of people ever.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The definition of unfappable.

    • tihond

      It made Jeff Gannon hard.

  • smashedinhat

    I guess fresh babies weren't on the buffet so no Darth Cheney?

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    That looks like a paint by number. Let me guess, they couldn't find an actual artist willing to paint this doucheface.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I'm surprised he's not portrayed in a flight suit with codpiece and bullhorn, and the World Trade Center burning in the background.

    • George Skullfry

      I'd like to see him in a flight suit with a burning codpiece and the bullhorn stuffed up his World Trade Center.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Were Jenna and Not-Jenna there, or were they out back in Bristol's tent with the wine coolers and Levi?

  • Callyson

    W sure looks stoned to me…

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    The artist did a good job of capturing his rosy cheeks/gin blossom.

  • chascates

    Reminds me of a dry drunk with daddy issues.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Well, paint me pink and call me a Cadillac! Would you believe …

    • MosesInvests

      "Dry" drunk?

      • chascates

        An alcoholic who has stopped drinking but hasn't gotten any psychological help or support on the reasons he had a drinking problem. When Bush was governor of Texas he stopped the substance abuse programs in the state's prison system. The previous governor, recovered alcoholic Ann Richards instituted them to help prisoners quit their addictions but Bush just quit with Jesus' help. Ergo, all you need is Jesus, not 12-step programs or fancy 'talk therapy'.

        • MosesInvests

          Oh, I know what the term *means*. I'm just questioning whether the adjective "dry" applies to Shrub. Did you see the pictures from the 2008 Olympics? Especially the one where he's holding the flag upside down, and his daughter (Jenna?) is giving him the "Dad, WTF?" look?

          • chascates

            My bad. Sorry, I just started drinking (today) myself and disregarded your quotes around dry. That video from the Olympics certainly looked like an out-of-control non-sober person. And given the treatment by his wife and children it probably wasn't an isolated experience.
            The claim that Bush read practically a book a day in a schedule filled with exercise, prayer, and bedtime at 9 pm plus a little Presidentin' would seem to leave out time for drinking. Former Presidents–FDR, Nixon, and LBJ notably–were much better drinkers than Dubya.
            He may be making up for lost time. Maybe that's why Laura stays in Dallas and he likes the Crawford ranch.

  • CrunchyKnee

    "Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail."

    Shit, Bush Jr. and Bush Jr. Jr. is more like it.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Now, he’ll be clearing the brush strokes.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Oh NY Times, why do you torture us so?

    The headline on the article about the portrait:
    A Gracious and Civil Prelude to a Hanging

  • elburritodeluxe

    This image of the mature "W" is so realistic that the International Criminal Court could probably use it for wanted posters.

  • ElPinche

    Where's Jesus handing Bush the Constitution in which he will wipe his ass with ??

  • RedneckMuslin

    Oh! And fuck him!

  • Beowoof

    My compliments to the artist, he captured that dipshit look that W so often has.

  • http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    I think they forgot to paint in all the blood on his hands

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Damn. Just when I thought I'd forgotten about that petty little twit of a man.

    Begone you mumbling bumbling idiot! Begone!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Srsly. I LOLd, but srsly.

  • ElPinche

    Why fuck's name would you want a permanent painting of that idiot? Wasn't eight years of looking that douchenozzle enough?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      This reminds me of the furore that started when that miserable motherfucker's face appeared on billboards somewhere with the caption "Miss Me Yet?"

      MAN! Everybody was like, "I'm still throwing!" That motherfucker needs to keep his face hidden FAR away for another 50-100 years so that everyone who can still taste the spooge he rained down on us is dead and buried and has forgotten the taste. Jive-ass no-good shiftless footdragging cocksucking grannyfucker has his fucking nerve.

  • DaniloTifoso

    If you look closely at the row of books behind him, they're marked WPE

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    If you look really closely you can see the devil on his right shoulder has just shot the angel on his left shoulder in the face with a shotgun.

    • Generation[redacted]

      With Saddam's shotgun.

  • chascates

    But we all know the real Dubya: http://0.tqn.com/d/politicalhumor/1/7/J/o/1/bush_

  • iburl

    Where's the painting of Breitbart? Typical Kenyan tribal snub.

  • widestanceromance

    How many points do I get if my shoe hits the epicenter of the painting?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Pin the Shoe on the Asshole.

      • widestanceromance

        No pins needed, as I first made sure to step in something very solidly sticky (and it doesn't smell very good, either).

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You get to stick it up on a giant billboard with the caption "Miss Me Yet?" and the spraypainted footer "Not Any More."

  • Estproph

    Bush looks like he was painted by that guy who did those investment bank animated commercials.

  • MissNancyPriss

    That's a really, really good painting.

  • Fare la Volpe

    What a great reproduction: you can't even see all the blood on his hands!

  • PuckStopsHere

    Can't believe they couldn't work "ruggie" into teh pic.

  • Nostrildamus

    Man, good job! He really captured that alcohol flush.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    I can't wait to get the commemorative plate from Franklin Mint. I bet the ads will be in this Sunday's Parade supplement!

  • Jerri

    I hope the artist got paid a shit-ton for having to look at George's smarmy, AdultBro face in such detail while he worked on the damn thing.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Nice portrait — it looks like he was there at a garden party, found his way indoors and is still looking for the bathroom.

  • barto

    The artiste certainly captured that annoying little smirk…

    • Tundra Grifter

      Actually, I think he missed the smirk.

      I don't.

    • George Skullfry

      It seems to me that the artist worked really, really hard to suppress the chimpysmirk. It wants to be there, but the artist wrestled it down flat.

  • OneDollarJuana

    George Bush looks increasingly like my old, drunk, grandmother.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Who painted that? Goya? It's like an unintentionally politically subversive rebus.

    Actually, it's worth having a look at the painter's other work – he did Jimmy Hoffa's portrait too!: http://www.johnhowardsanden.com/gallery.asp

  • Tundra Grifter

    I like the cowboy in the painting getting out of Dodge.

    The artist's way of saying "And the horse you rode out on."

  • ttommyunger

    Still smirking. Daddy must be proud; I know I'm not.

  • fuflans

    i think portraits are just weird. unless it's like anne boleyn or something.

    • George Skullfry

      What, headless porn?