PHOTO TOURS  3:30 pm May 31, 2012

George W. Bush Is President of Paintings

by Jim Newell

Take it to the pawn shopAnd this is a painting of George W. Bush, as unveiled at a White House ceremony that just wrapped up. Look at ‘im. He’s like, “Boy howdy don’t I look good, hummina hummina.” And no, it wasn’t “awkward,” this ceremony. Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail. As if Bush gives a crap? No, they just told jokes and everyone had a laugh, ha ha ha, like that.

Laura Bush got a painting too! Her facial expression says, “I love abortion and gays and cigarettes and pills and am a Democrat, but being a Republican first lady is also fun.” Your Wonkette would kill to be a Republican first lady. Think of all the money and shit you’d get afterwards, right?

But man oh man, if Obama weren’t such a SELLOUT, he would’ve arrested the whole room! Karl Rove was there, Alberto Gonzalez was there. George W. Bush was there. And there’s Tom Ridge and Dana Perino! Arrest Dana Perino first, for laughs.

Again, the face of the Greatest American Hero Ever:

Sadly, it’s time to go back to Texas now. Bye George W. Bush! (Seriously, just leave now.)

 
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Hola wonkerados.

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{ 167 comments }

StarsUponThars May 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

All hat, no cattle.

CthuNHu May 31, 2012 at 3:45 pm

All asshat, no cattle.

Fixed.

memzilla May 31, 2012 at 3:58 pm

This should dispel the myth of the UN's black helicopters forever… because if they had them, surely they would have airlifted in a SWAT team and renditioned the entire guest list right off to The Hague for prosecution.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:15 pm

You keep thinking that good is rewarded in this world and evil punished! It's SO charmingly naive!

Also, teh logic: Do you think the asshats who think the UN has black helicopters are persuaded by anything LIKE logic?

edgydrifter May 31, 2012 at 5:16 pm

All jock, no cock.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

What is that little dribble of pearlescent stuff coming out of the corner of his mouth?

Barb May 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Cheney shot him in the face too?

Chill_Bill May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

A chocolate-covered pretzel, prolly.

chascates May 31, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Satan's cum.

Estproph May 31, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Liquid smirk.

ManchuCandidate May 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Any official portrait of W should be painted on black velvet.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Fat W or early W?

WhatTheHeck May 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Elvis Presley libel.

nounverb911 May 31, 2012 at 3:45 pm

In a codpiece?

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Should be painted in shit. That's the only medium sufficient to express the world's sentiments about that worthless failure.

Fare la Volpe May 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Blood and viscera work pretty well.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:34 pm

One million Iraqis' worth.

Infrogmation May 31, 2012 at 6:57 pm

I was just going to say "the blood of innocents".

Respitetini May 31, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Joe Biden already called dibs on that.

Maman May 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

I like the touch of rosacea on the cheeks and chin. Liquor or "clearing the back 40" induced?

thesuniverse May 31, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Liquor. Absolutely. You can smell it wafting off the painting.

Tundra Grifter May 31, 2012 at 5:28 pm

I'm going with "bar tan."

johnnyzhivago May 31, 2012 at 3:32 pm

They did a nice job fancying up the basement janitor's closet.

Barb May 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

If you look closely at the images of George and Laura, you can see that it was created with glue and blown chads.

If you look over his shoulder you can see a jar on top shelf. Must be a family portrait.

Jus_Wonderin May 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Ah, done in that late 19th, early 20th century technique Nopointellism.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Sir, I am struck dumb with found. That was brilliant.

starfanglednut May 31, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Seurat libel!

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

Lucky Chad

FNMA May 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

That's the expression of a man who has Dick Cheney's hand up his ass.

RedneckMuslin May 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Should have said on the bottom
Wanted: For War Crimes
Dead or Alive

HogeyeGrex May 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Perhaps, "The lone and level sands stretch far away."

Mittens Howell, III May 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

What, no "Still Life With Pretzel"?

Jus_Wonderin May 31, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Damn you! I thought of that. Funny.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I think the plate in the background use to hold the pretzels.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Too bad it's not "Still Dead With Pretzel"

Not that I, you know, wish that on our former President, Mr Secret Service agent. Please feel some Relief.

Altho, in fairness, even W had to be wry today:

"Thanks so much for inviting our rowdy friends to my hanging,” he said to laughter. Mr. Bush then praised his wife, Laura, his mother, Barbara, and above all his father, former President George Bush, who attended the ceremony in a wheelchair.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Not still enough.

An_Outhouse May 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

They captured the chronic alcoholic look quite nicely.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Hey, this is Wonkette. We don't gather here to discus W's better points.

IncenseDebate May 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

He doesn't look like a war criminal. Just goes to show you can't judge a murderous traitor by his official White House portrait.

RedneckMuslin May 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Don't let the Lincoln Memorial hit you in the ass on the way out.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Is it a Kincade?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Think of the bar tab for that session.

Maman May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Does it show a sadistic light in his eyes?

OkieDokieDog May 31, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I prefer the Bob Ross version.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Bob Ross Libel! He had standards.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Yes! He painted squirrels, not nuts!

JustPixelz May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Obviously not. Kinkade didn't paint humans, just isolated cottages lit from within. It's all metaphysical because Jesus is a shelter where you go to get away from other humans. Also a place to go if you want to get drunk, laid by your mistress.

CthuNHu May 31, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Only the brush of a Jon McNaughton could capture the true essence of this man.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:18 pm

No kin o' mine, and that's all I care about.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2012 at 3:35 pm

In that painting, I like the painting of the Pony Express rider behind him, but that's about it.

Mittens Howell, III May 31, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Currently working on my own 'vomit by numbers' portrait of W.

Fairtackle May 31, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Great flash mob idea.

e_z May 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

His head looks like a 3D flic when you take the glasses off…

johnnyzhivago May 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

I hear he did better on the SAT's than over half of the creatures living in my pond.

JustPixelz May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

You don't have to defend him anymore.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Wow, I didn't even know pond scum was allowed to take the SATs.

Lascauxcaveman May 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

The cluelessness, the vapidity, the stupid, brutal, willful ignorance, it's all right there. Captured it perfectly.

The portraitist is a genius. Should be given a medal or something.

Schmannnity May 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

What me worry?

weejee May 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Alfred E. Neuman libel.

Gratuitous World May 31, 2012 at 3:37 pm

needz fewer urns, more fetus jars

Barb May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

For Barbara Bush's portrait, they just took an old one of George Washington and added lots and lots of wrinkles.

Jus_Wonderin May 31, 2012 at 3:49 pm

You are making me snortle. Monitor, right is bespeckled.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

I thought that was the Quaker Oats guy's portrait, touched up?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

What? No flight suit?

Chichikovovich May 31, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Truly. They should have at least hung a "Mission Accomplished" banner above the fireplace.

1stNewtontheMoon May 31, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Flight suit? no. cod piece? yes.

weejee May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Was Dubbya going around giving noogies and wedgies to the assembled?

Andrew Drinker May 31, 2012 at 3:51 pm

And backrubs.

MosesInvests May 31, 2012 at 5:15 pm

"Pull mah finger."

Chill_Bill May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Thomas Kinkade must be rolling in his grave.

(Yes! I always wanted to say that!)

weejee May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

You think Tommy the Shill has seen the light?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

He would be, but Satan is keeping him busy repainting his rec room.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Satan wouldn't torture himself like that.

Generation[redacted] May 31, 2012 at 4:00 pm

Nah, Satan has him painting Breitbart's room.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

That sounds *much* more like the Biely I've come to know and love.

BloviateMe May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Putin looked deep into the painting's eyes, and knew in his heart it was a good painting.

Mittens Howell, III May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

They look like illustrations from a shitty Fifties' children's book.

'My Drunk Dad Goes To Washington' or something.

OkieDokieDog May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

See George. See George run. See George run the economy into the crapper.

HogeyeGrex May 31, 2012 at 4:29 pm

The paintings are awful too.

Generation[redacted] May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Now let's see a painting of his birf certificat

noodlesalad May 31, 2012 at 3:38 pm

needz moar pretzels and yappy dogs

OkieDokieDog May 31, 2012 at 3:45 pm

BARNEY BUSH LIBEL!

Hey, I liked Barney. He and Millie were the best o'the Bushes.

Ruhe May 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Staring off into space after something that even he doesn't find particularly interesting. The look of a man who finds very little in the world to be particularly interesting. The banality of evil.

FlownOver May 31, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Or, in this case, the evil of banality.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I assume the picture behind shrub is of bin Laden riding away from Tora Bora?

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Why does he have an expression like a guy with a tight rectum and a pudgy white hand up it?

johnnyzhivago May 31, 2012 at 3:39 pm

It takes special paint and techniques to capture stupid like that.

JustPixelz May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Where's the burning Constitution?

horatiusbridges June 1, 2012 at 12:00 am

In all fairness, all Presidents burn constitutions. Why, it's literally a job requirement. (Just expressing my disappointment about the Obama drone policies)

Jus_Wonderin May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I really thought they do something that more closely reflected the mood of our country after his tenure. Like, just fucking Xerox Edvard Munch's The Scream.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Or Goya's Saturn Devouring His Children. Actually, I think The Nation did that.

Baconzgood May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

He looks smarmy even in paintings.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:23 pm

He *is* smarmy. Ineffably smarmy. And how I'd like to eff him.

MosesInvests May 31, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Ewww-thought you had higher standards than that.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail.

How dumb are people, really?

Bush and Obama (along with Clinton and Bush Elder) are like the four closest men on the planet. Bush and Obama hae even shot rounds of golf together. Not even Mitt can make that claim.

AutomaticPilot May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

It should depict him holding a copy of "The Pet Goat" in one hand and a Big Gulp in the other.

Goonemeritus May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I have noticed over time my views of past POTUS have softened and I look back with an eye to their better qualities rather than their failings. After four years the best I can come up for W is I enjoy the extra weeks of daylight savings time.

Generation[redacted] May 31, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That was their most brilliant energy conservation policy, wasn't it?

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I don't think I ever actually *hated* a political figure until Bush/Cheney. Sure, I thought Nixon was a crook, and Reagan a senile fool, but both of them had actual accomplishments while in office. They did things that made the world a bit safer, or better or improved lives in some way. GeeDubz is the only political figure whose life has directly affected mine that I can honestly say has done nothing at all in all the time that he was in charge to make anybody's life the slightest bit better.

Schmannnity May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

The satisfied gaze of a man who just found the hidden weapons of mass destruction in the "corner" of the Oval Office.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Say, who's the tall Jacobin monk making both Rove and Perino laugh?

elburritodeluxe May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I calls him 'pursie' – cuz of the way he purses his lips!

MMathS May 31, 2012 at 3:41 pm

Is this a McNaughten?

SenileAgitation May 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

The painting behind George in his painting, is that Paul Revere riding to warn the British, or some Frederick Remington pony express bushwah?

Schmannnity May 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Dana Perino and Callista Gingrich separated at birth? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Chichikovovich May 31, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Are the books behind him leather-bound copies of "My Pet Goat"?

Barb May 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

Made from goat leather?

Chichikovovich May 31, 2012 at 3:54 pm

In fact, they are. Bush insisted that the binders use leather from the goats killed in the PETA click-on ads he enjoys so much.

MadBrahms May 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

"Brush-clearing for dummies"

Ms_Anthrope May 31, 2012 at 8:44 pm

"Presidentin' for Dummies"

Nostrildamus May 31, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Nah, just a leather-bound Condi.

Maman May 31, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Is Dana Perino looking a little "refreshed"? She is beginning to look like a blonde Michele Bachmann

ElPinche May 31, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Neocon semen has its beauty secrets.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

That has to be the most erection killing collection of people ever.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

The definition of unfappable.

tihond May 31, 2012 at 3:52 pm

It made Jeff Gannon hard.

smashedinhat May 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I guess fresh babies weren't on the buffet so no Darth Cheney?

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 31, 2012 at 3:46 pm

That looks like a paint by number. Let me guess, they couldn't find an actual artist willing to paint this doucheface.

BaldarTFlagass May 31, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I'm surprised he's not portrayed in a flight suit with codpiece and bullhorn, and the World Trade Center burning in the background.

George Skullfry June 1, 2012 at 2:21 am

I'd like to see him in a flight suit with a burning codpiece and the bullhorn stuffed up his World Trade Center.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

Were Jenna and Not-Jenna there, or were they out back in Bristol's tent with the wine coolers and Levi?

Callyson May 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

W sure looks stoned to me…

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

The artist did a good job of capturing his rosy cheeks/gin blossom.

chascates May 31, 2012 at 3:49 pm

Reminds me of a dry drunk with daddy issues.

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Well, paint me pink and call me a Cadillac! Would you believe …

MosesInvests May 31, 2012 at 5:22 pm

"Dry" drunk?

chascates May 31, 2012 at 5:34 pm

An alcoholic who has stopped drinking but hasn't gotten any psychological help or support on the reasons he had a drinking problem. When Bush was governor of Texas he stopped the substance abuse programs in the state's prison system. The previous governor, recovered alcoholic Ann Richards instituted them to help prisoners quit their addictions but Bush just quit with Jesus' help. Ergo, all you need is Jesus, not 12-step programs or fancy 'talk therapy'.

MosesInvests May 31, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Oh, I know what the term *means*. I'm just questioning whether the adjective "dry" applies to Shrub. Did you see the pictures from the 2008 Olympics? Especially the one where he's holding the flag upside down, and his daughter (Jenna?) is giving him the "Dad, WTF?" look?

chascates May 31, 2012 at 6:49 pm

My bad. Sorry, I just started drinking (today) myself and disregarded your quotes around dry. That video from the Olympics certainly looked like an out-of-control non-sober person. And given the treatment by his wife and children it probably wasn't an isolated experience.
The claim that Bush read practically a book a day in a schedule filled with exercise, prayer, and bedtime at 9 pm plus a little Presidentin' would seem to leave out time for drinking. Former Presidents–FDR, Nixon, and LBJ notably–were much better drinkers than Dubya.
He may be making up for lost time. Maybe that's why Laura stays in Dallas and he likes the Crawford ranch.

CrunchyKnee May 31, 2012 at 3:49 pm

"Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail."

Shit, Bush Jr. and Bush Jr. Jr. is more like it.

WhatTheHeck May 31, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Now, he’ll be clearing the brush strokes.

actor212 May 31, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Oh NY Times, why do you torture us so?

The headline on the article about the portrait:
A Gracious and Civil Prelude to a Hanging

elburritodeluxe May 31, 2012 at 3:51 pm

This image of the mature "W" is so realistic that the International Criminal Court could probably use it for wanted posters.

ElPinche May 31, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Where's Jesus handing Bush the Constitution in which he will wipe his ass with ??

RedneckMuslin May 31, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Oh! And fuck him!

Beowoof May 31, 2012 at 3:55 pm

My compliments to the artist, he captured that dipshit look that W so often has.

TanzbodenKoenig May 31, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I think they forgot to paint in all the blood on his hands

randcoolcatdaddy May 31, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Damn. Just when I thought I'd forgotten about that petty little twit of a man.

Begone you mumbling bumbling idiot! Begone!

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Srsly. I LOLd, but srsly.

ElPinche May 31, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Why fuck's name would you want a permanent painting of that idiot? Wasn't eight years of looking that douchenozzle enough?

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:31 pm

This reminds me of the furore that started when that miserable motherfucker's face appeared on billboards somewhere with the caption "Miss Me Yet?"

MAN! Everybody was like, "I'm still throwing!" That motherfucker needs to keep his face hidden FAR away for another 50-100 years so that everyone who can still taste the spooge he rained down on us is dead and buried and has forgotten the taste. Jive-ass no-good shiftless footdragging cocksucking grannyfucker has his fucking nerve.

DaniloTifoso May 31, 2012 at 3:58 pm

If you look closely at the row of books behind him, they're marked WPE

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 31, 2012 at 3:59 pm

If you look really closely you can see the devil on his right shoulder has just shot the angel on his left shoulder in the face with a shotgun.

Generation[redacted] May 31, 2012 at 4:31 pm

With Saddam's shotgun.

chascates May 31, 2012 at 4:02 pm

But we all know the real Dubya: http://0.tqn.com/d/politicalhumor/1/7/J/o/1/bush_

iburl May 31, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Where's the painting of Breitbart? Typical Kenyan tribal snub.

widestanceromance May 31, 2012 at 4:12 pm

How many points do I get if my shoe hits the epicenter of the painting?

Fare la Volpe May 31, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Pin the Shoe on the Asshole.

widestanceromance May 31, 2012 at 4:28 pm

No pins needed, as I first made sure to step in something very solidly sticky (and it doesn't smell very good, either).

MittBorg May 31, 2012 at 4:33 pm

You get to stick it up on a giant billboard with the caption "Miss Me Yet?" and the spraypainted footer "Not Any More."

Estproph May 31, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Bush looks like he was painted by that guy who did those investment bank animated commercials.

MissNancyPriss May 31, 2012 at 4:14 pm

That's a really, really good painting.

Fare la Volpe May 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

What a great reproduction: you can't even see all the blood on his hands!

PuckStopsHere May 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Can't believe they couldn't work "ruggie" into teh pic.

Nostrildamus May 31, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Man, good job! He really captured that alcohol flush.

Dashboard Buddha May 31, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I can't wait to get the commemorative plate from Franklin Mint. I bet the ads will be in this Sunday's Parade supplement!

Jerri May 31, 2012 at 4:29 pm

I hope the artist got paid a shit-ton for having to look at George's smarmy, AdultBro face in such detail while he worked on the damn thing.

SayItWithWookies May 31, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Nice portrait — it looks like he was there at a garden party, found his way indoors and is still looking for the bathroom.

barto May 31, 2012 at 4:35 pm

The artiste certainly captured that annoying little smirk…

Tundra Grifter May 31, 2012 at 5:31 pm

Actually, I think he missed the smirk.

I don't.

George Skullfry May 31, 2012 at 7:33 pm

It seems to me that the artist worked really, really hard to suppress the chimpysmirk. It wants to be there, but the artist wrestled it down flat.

OneDollarJuana May 31, 2012 at 4:36 pm

George Bush looks increasingly like my old, drunk, grandmother.

OneYieldRegular May 31, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Who painted that? Goya? It's like an unintentionally politically subversive rebus.

Actually, it's worth having a look at the painter's other work – he did Jimmy Hoffa's portrait too!: http://www.johnhowardsanden.com/gallery.asp

Tundra Grifter May 31, 2012 at 5:31 pm

I like the cowboy in the painting getting out of Dodge.

The artist's way of saying "And the horse you rode out on."

ttommyunger May 31, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Still smirking. Daddy must be proud; I know I'm not.

fuflans May 31, 2012 at 10:47 pm

i think portraits are just weird. unless it's like anne boleyn or something.

George Skullfry June 1, 2012 at 2:21 am

What, headless porn?

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