america's greatest wingnut mayors

Comical California Mayor Gives This Chinese Autograph Seeker a Piece of His Mind

I do bar mitzvahs, thoughSantee, California Mayor Randy Voepel, according to the local Patch, recently received an email from a Chinese fellow who collects autographs asking for a contribution from Voepel. The email sort of resemnbles “spam email,” but we’re only saying that because we’re racist. But instead of deleting the email or not responding or, well, sending him the autograph he requested, Voepel decided to write back to the commie calling him a dirty commie, and more generally instructing him to fuck off.

Here is the nice autograph request from Mao Zedong, or whatever his name is.

Dear Mayor:

As a great city/county of the United States, your city/county must be playing an important role to make the U.S. a prosperous county.

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Your city/county has charitable conventions compared to other states, which I have seen in many TV programs. You city/county is attractive economically and democratically, these can’t not be achieved without your governance, which I am very interested in.

I’d like to have a signed photo of yours and the seal of your city/county, so I can keep them as souvenirs, can you help me?

Wish you the best

Sincerely yours

Deng zhi yong

Annnnnnnnnd the response from Voepel, who, for what it’s worth, left the Republican party a couple of years ago because it was too liberal for him.

Dear Mr. Yong,

I respectfully decline to cooperate in any way with what I consider to be an enemy of the United States. The People’s Republic of China is a repressive and evil communist regime that runs a Police State. I fought in Vietnam to stop communism and will fight communism until the day I die. Please accept me as a very determined enemy, as I assume you to be to me.

Best Capitalist regards,

Randy Voepel

Mayor, The freedom and human rights City of Santee

The spammer probably has his credit card information now.

WORTH IT.

[Patch]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

Hola wonkerados.

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166 comments

  1. Barb

    This is better than when he told General Tso to suck his testicle balls.

    Yeah, it made no sense to me either. I just wanted to say "testicle balls"

        1. actor212

          Y'know, most tin-plated dictator mayors of a shitheel little town at the ass-end of San Diego, one that makes El Cajon seem useful, would STFU, sign the damned picture and thank the fella for thinking of him.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      General Tso's testicle balls are covered in sesame seeds and a savory sauce.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      He took his Voepel Dick in hand
      Longtime the Marxist foe he sought–
      So texted he by the Dumdum tree,
      And hit "reply" without thought

    2. HateMachine

      One, two! One, two! And through and through
      The Voepel blade went snicker-snack!
      He left it dead, and with its head
      He went galumphing back.

    3. JerkCade

      "And hast thou shamed the commie slope?
      Get back to work, you Cali prick!
      O fatuous day! You need a lay!"
      These assholes make me sick.

  2. Joshua Norton

    I respectfully decline to cooperate in any way with what I consider to be an enemy of the United States.

    Somebody hasn't checked the shelves of their local Walmart lately.

    1. sullivanst

      Somebody also hasn't looked up the definition of "respectfully" in a while, either ;)

  3. Callyson

    Talk about an uncreative wingnut…all this jagoff had to do is send a signed photo with that "Best capitalist regards" greeting.

    Idiot.

  4. johnnymeatworth

    Then he went through the Panda Express drive-thru on the way home and yelled "FUCK YOU!" when they asked him what he wanted.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      To which they replied, "NOT ON THE MENU, ASSHOLE! GO SUPERSIZE YOURSELF."

    2. mayor_quimby

      Oooooh, your Panda Express has a drivethu? What gilded private enclave do you l I've in, one-percenter?
      We have to get out and wait in line for our fluorescent sweet/sour meat substance!

    3. Tundra Grifter

      He probably stopped going to Panda Express when he learned they don't really cook pandas.

  5. SorosBot

    How will he keep fighting communism until the day he dies when it hasn't existed for twenty years?

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Somebody should tell the mayor, the good news about his fight again' commonism: he won! Now go retire to a golf course or something.

    1. HarryButtle

      Domo arigato, Mr Roboto…

      I know, I know, that's JAPANESE not CHINESE. But in the spirit of Randy Voepel, they all look (sound) the same to him.

  6. niblick77

    Wow, I thought Medicare Part B was supposed to help people like this afford their much needed medicine!

  7. Joshua Norton

    Best Capitalist regards

    He uses that word, but he obviously doesn't know what it means. Since he's working for his money and not living off his "capital", he's not any kind of "Capitalist".

    Typical wingnut.

  8. mormos

    Hey, sometimes you're having a bad day and you just need to tell the chinese to go fuck themselves. We've all been there, right? right?… guys?

  9. Dashboard Buddha

    Words fail. Wait, no they don't. This dude is a douchebag of the first water.

    1. noodlesalad

      Probably not, his name is in pinyin, which is the romanization system they use on the mainland. Still, we can hope for some cosmic justice.

    2. TribecaMike

      He would probably just say, "That wouldn't change the slant of my original reply."

    3. Guppy

      If you believe there's more than one China, the State Department has a reeducation program for you!

  10. freakishlywrong

    Don't read the comments on that Patch article. One can see how this asswipe got elected. Santee is off the list now as well. (The fuck is Santee?)

    1. archikvetch

      Those of us in the blue parts of San Diego refer to Santee as "Santucky" due to number of sad trailer parks, meth labs and dumbass mayors. But there is alot of that going around in San Diego County.

  11. coolhandnuke

    Mayor Voepel steadfastly refuses to ever watch one episode of Happy Days–because Arnold was a Yellow Commie Burger Flipping Terrorist–and any Karate Kid movie.
    But he has fapped to every Chuck Norris movie 5,673 times.

  12. sullivanst

    That is exactly how to win the battle of hearts and minds.

    Just like that!

    Amercia, Fuck Yeah!

  13. An_Outhouse

    What do you have to get an autographed naked picture of a mayor to fap to these days? Jeesh … over react much?

  14. Lascauxcaveman

    Lol, Mayor Randy is probably still pissed at Nixon for going touristing in Beijing, instead of nuking it. He's probably a fun guy to talks politics with.

  15. Nostrildamus

    He took his Voepel sword in hand
    Long time the manxome foe he sought
    Till rested he by the Trucknutz tree
    And stood a while in thought.

    Update: Doktor StrangeZoom's version (in reply to 2nd comment) is way better. Send him some love p-ness.

  16. edgydrifter

    He should have just sent a close-up photo of his junk, since he's clearly a colossal prick.

  17. An_Outhouse

    I assume Randy Voepel doesn't shop at the Walmart located at 245 Town Center Pkwy
    Santee, CA

  18. NorthStarSpanx

    Holy Fucking Fuck What the Fuck!? I don't even get that mad at the Nigerian scammers!

    1. Larry McAwful

      Me, neither. And it pays! I got a good deal on yellowcake from them a couple weeks ago. I just sent them my bank's routing number—again—so hopefully they'll make with the delivery, pronto.

  19. MissTaken

    Please accept me as a very determined enemy, as I assume you to be to me.

    You know Mr Mayor, if you just politely ask for no MSG they'll usually grant your request.

  20. MissTaken

    The People’s Republic of China is a repressive and evil communist regime that runs a Police State

    …In Bed!

  21. biblioteq_tress

    So, this Chinese guy has the nerve to compliment Voepel's governance and to admire the presumabl ycapitalist "attractive" economics of Santee. Dirty commie! No souvenirs for you, pinko! You'll probably just set them on fire during your May Day parade!

    1. Chichikovovich

      I think what set Voepel off was the "Your city/county has charitable conventions". There's going to be no supporting mooching parasites on Randy Voepel's watch, nossir.

  22. Dashboard Buddha

    How much do you want to bet his kid plays WoW with money he bought from a Chinese gold farmer?

  23. Goonemeritus

    The Irony is when I sent the same sort of letter as a child to a Chinese leader Mao Zedong promptly sent not only a signed photo but a jacket and little red book as well.

    1. Larry McAwful

      When I was a kid, I wanted to write to Yuri Andropov. My dad told me not to, because he was in the Air Force, and was afraid this might reflect poorly on him if someone found out. He might have had a point; I don't know. It would've been cool to get some neat Soviet stuff, though.

  24. Wonderthing

    I totally agree with what he did. See, I'm an actor and once I got a letter in the mail from some dweeb in the midwest who had seen me in an episode of "Murder, She Wrote" and had the NERVE to request an autograph because, as he put it, "I am collecting autographs of minor actors in small roles." So, I wrote back to him and told him in no uncertain terms what a schmuck he was and what a loser. Oh. Wait. No. I sent him an autograph and a thank you for thinking of me. Whew. Close call on that one.

    1. actor212

      I did precisely the same thing to a reporter who wanted to interview me for the local rag The Times. Told her, "Tits or GTFO, hippie liberal!"

      I mean, I dropped the phone and had an orgasm, then thanked her and offered her a cigarette.

    2. Chichikovovich

      That was you in that episode? You were terrific! Like they say, no small parts, only small actors….

    3. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I remember that one time 3 days ago when I sent a story tip to the editrix of a political blog, and she replied back and said that if I wanted to, I could try writing up a blog post about it myself and maybe she'd publish it on the blog. So I promptly wrote back and told her that it's an editor's job to fucking EDIT the work that she PAYS people for, not to try to get free content, ya goddamn commie.

      Oh…actually, no, that's not what I did, either.

    4. comrad_darkness

      Oh god, I lived with a roommate who was addicted to that show.

      I took the opportunity to drink heavily whenever it was on so I don't remember the plot of a single one of them.

      Nothing personal.

    5. imissopus

      My parents were huge fans of that show. Used to drive me nuts. They would get worked up if it was delayed because of a football game, or because I was watching a game on another channel. I would get back at them by referring to it as "Hip, She Shattered" or "Geritol, She Chugged."

        1. Guppy

          It is the only logical conclusion. How come nobody else has noticed the long, long trail of bodies left wherever she happens to go?

      1. stanpan

        When my son was a toddler, he loved the theme song. If we changed the channel during the open, he'd throw a fit.

    6. Larry McAwful

      I'm currently writing a "Murder, She Wrote" fanfic! It's a crossover with "Law and Order SVU" and it has a talking rat in it. It's set in New York, of course, but later on the talking rat is going to leave New York and meet the cast of "Gilmore Girls", and later on, "Doctor Who". It's going to be epic.

        1. Larry McAwful

          Yeah, there's slash. The "Murder" part of the show's title kind of encourages it. Go Hudson U!

  25. Chichikovovich

    If only every American had refused to send autographed pictures to Chinese collectors, Chiang Kai-Shek would never have been driven to Taiwan. And now it's too late. All because we wouldn't listen to Randy Voepel.

  26. Estproph

    I had to google Santee CA to find out just where it is. Turns out, it's the last point east out of San Diego before you smack into a mountain headfirst. I think mayor Voepel didn't stop in time.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I've been in that neighborhood, and the mountains are the place to be. Apart from those devastating wildfires burning you out every other year, and the annual "June gloom" (persistent fog) its cooler and less muggy up there in the hills.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I have a bit of talent but no amount of Photoshop can remove the stain of dickhead on this dickhead.

  27. Beowoof

    He is just showing his chops to get the ambassadorship to China. He'll put those commie pinko scum in their place.

    1. Larry McAwful

      You know why we still have diplomatic relations with Red China? Because the president of the United States is a socialist. (He's also not white, either.)

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Gives me an idea though. I'd like Romney's autograph. And, then, I'd just need his checkbook (only for a day).

  28. MadBrahms

    "Please accept me as a determined enemy"? Aww, he must be so lonely down in his volcano lair.

  29. Exhausted66

    Somewhere, in China there's a restaurant without an autographed picture of Randy Voepel on the wall.

  30. comrad_darkness

    What about the autograph hound's right to pursue happiness? Huh? Huh? Yeah, the little guy asking for weird collector's items is about a responsible for the communist party of China's policies as Randy here is of being responsible for the u.s. torture of prisoners in Iraq. It's just a pathetic excuse to be a total and utter asshole.

  31. Jus_Wonderin

    It seems Randy doesn't care to garner the coveted Chinese autograph collector vote.

  32. Groupshrug

    In his defense, Randy Voepel is still upset about an incident early in his life when a Chinese man peed in his Coke.

  33. barto

    Dear Mayor of Freedoms and Humane Rights,

    Please remove all articles of clothing and any electronic devices you may be using and send them back to our country.

    Love,
    Your Commicapitalistic Pals

  34. Wilcoxyz

    Voepel let down America in Vietnam. If only he had tried harder, we might have won.

  35. coolhandnuke

    …Mayor Randy Voepel recently switched parties and became an independent in the direction of the Tea Party..

    Does the Mayor know where most of the teas comes from?

    1. Larry McAwful

      As a matter of fact, the first draft of his letter read, "I wouldn't send you a picture for all the tea in…" Then it stops and he sorta felt he had to start over.

  36. HippieEsq

    He should have outsourced drafting of tihs email to Skoal Rebel. It's way too polite and well-punctutaed to be a valid specimen of American xenophobic digital chit-chat.

  37. Larry McAwful

    Remember when the Soviets used to send requests for glossy photos to Ronald Reagan? When he became president, he turned around and started selling wheat to them, every year. And if memory serves, President Reagan never emptied our nuclear arsenal turning the Soviet Union into a sheet of radioactive glass, which is why he's a pinko commie traitor, unlike the patriotic Mayor Voepel.

  38. DonnyKerabotsos

    That's not such a big deal. Chris Christie talks that way to his constituents, except that he calls us morons instead of communists.

    1. Larry McAwful

      Well, if he really believes he was elected by a majority, then he's over 50% right.

  39. ElPinche

    Is the mayor Santee the Gary Busey character in Black Sheep?
    He should have ended it with "I could go to your mama's and start a small fire in her panties, chink!! "

  40. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    I remember Bill Hicks and patriotism-squarely-on-sleeves:

    "Hey, my father died for that flag."
    Really? I bought mine.
    "My father died in Korea for that flag."
    Small world! Mine was made in Korea.

    1. RandPaulsToupee

      For reals. I grew up in East San Diego County. It's just gotten dumber, if that's possible.

  41. Generation[redacted]

    Dear Commie Pinko Scum:

    I received your letter, and it was all like ching chong ling long ding dong.

    Best Teatard Regards,

    Mayor of Crazytown

  42. MittBorg

    He took his Voepel sword in hand
    Long time the manxome foe he sought
    So rested he by the Tumtum tree
    And stood awhile in … thought?

  43. pinkocommi

    Let's hope the Chinese don't take this "Randy Voepel incident" out on the rest of us when they are our overlords.

  44. 12X34X

    Ummm…somebody go tell this Teahadist that China has most favored trade nation status.

  45. aguacatero

    It is well known that "signed photo" is communist slang for "precious bodily fluids."

  46. Tundra Grifter

    I'll bet he would have sent an autographed photo to the Yellow Shirt Girl.

    With his phone number.

  47. Tundra Grifter

    I took another look at Mayor Randy's photo and I'm very surprised he didn't write back "Deng, do you like gladiator movies? Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

  48. Antispandex

    That response wouldn't have even been appropriate if the guy began his spam by writing, "Dear Imperialist Pig". I was in the service during Viet Nam too, but I can still enjoy a tastey bowl of Pho now and then. The wars is over Mr. Mayor, you can get new parts for your head.

  49. ttommyunger

    It is 2012. Anybody that believes that 'Nam had anything to do with Communism is too fucking clueless to hold any position of responsibility.

    1. George Skullfry

      Also, this particular dingdong appears to have managed to miss noticing that NVN was a client of the USSR, not the PRC. A detail, but hey.

  50. a_pink_poodle

    The disturbing part of his reply was when I realized it wasn't a comically exaggerated hypothetical response by Wonkette.

  51. Negropolis

    Okay, so it's exceedingly clear that this Voepel fella is a total dick, but this Deng zhi yong dude sounds like a dick, too, if even an unintentional one. If you're going to request something, do the general research you need before asking for shit. "City/county" my ass.

  52. oinonio

    One, two! One, two! and through and through
    Voepel's tongue went snicker-snack!
    He left the matter dead, but to his dread,
    Couldn't take his idiot comments back.

    …I also suspect the autograph hound's family name is Deng.

Comments are closed.