god blersh amercia

Send Us Your Dumb Romney-App Instagram Pix, If You Want To Be Cool

Hoagie the cat for President!OK, yes, ha ha, we’ve all had a good laugh about the fact that version 1.0 of Mitt Romney’s world-beating With Mitt iPhone app proclaimed that he would proudly lead his real home nation of “Amercia,” but I think we’re missing the important point here: the only thing this app does is overlay a series of dumb Mitt-themed graphics over whatever you want to take a picture of, and you can take a picture of literally anything, and then upload it to the Internet or whatever, which opens the door to eleven kinds of hilarity! Remember in the Wonkette days of yore, when everyone got so excited because the Bush re-election campaign let you put text on a campaign sign, and you could add stuff about buttsex and the like? With With Mitt: The App, you could actually take a picture of buttsex and make it into a fake Mitt campaign ad! Well, technically the user agreement says that you agree “that any images you use, upload, or display do not contain material inappropriate for children … [or] that is offensive or in bad taste,” so, anal is kind of a grey area, but surely no one could object to this adorable picture of your Comics Curmudgeon’s cat, could they? The image denotes what President Romney will be doing on Day One Job One, which is to say: cowering under his desk. But wait, can you do better?

Probably! That’s why Wonkette is having an Official Wonkette With Mitt Contest, in which you download the app (if you have an elitist iPhone — doesn’t Mitt know that Real Americans use Androids, or landlines?), take a picture of something absurd with the app, overlay one of the Mitt-themed frames, and then send it to us, and we put it up if we think it’s funny. You win … eternal glory? Let’s say that, since we don’t really have anything else to hand out. ETERNAL GLORY! You can even use the “Obama Isn’t Working” frame to Go Negative, like in the following picture:

Look at this lazy fuck

Here, a sleeping cat all mellowed out on catnip (kitty weed) represents what Obama does every day instead of fixing the economy (i.e., get high and take naps).

Anyway, send your hott pix (no actual pictures of buttsex, though, we beg of you) to tips@wonkette.com, with the subject line “MITT ROMNEY’S CAMERAS WATCH YOU SLEEP”. Do it, or else you’re a square! [iTunes]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger
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  • DaSandman

    LOL here comes the dick pixs!

    I'm IN Mitt!

    • nounverb911

      Cheney or Nixon?

    • CthuNHu

      Some clever person must be in possession of a smartphone, an oven mitt, and a penchant for exhibitionism…

  • sbj1964

    Mitt holds a for sale sign with a picture of America on it,and a SOLD stripe across it .

  • OldWhiteLies

    ETERNAL GLORY

    Wait – do you mean a lifetime supply of … ?

  • Barb

    Give me an hour to lure my husband home to help. This is going to be fun!

    • Negropolis

      Poor Jeff. He doesn't even know what you're getting him into. lol

      • Barb

        Oh, he knew! Nobody knows me like Jeff.

  • SexySmurf

    I'm the last person in Amercia to not own a phone with a camera on it, so can someone overlay "Day One Job One" on the picture of Mitt Wit shooting himself.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Uh, no, that would be me. What do I do now?

      • redarmyzombie

        Well, FUCK!!! That makes three of us…

        • sbj1964

          Mitt is looking for an apprentice job from the Donald.

        • cheetojeebus

          4

        • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

          5

          • smashaduck

            6

          • LionHeartSoyDog

            7
            and infinity…

      • billy_reuben

        Er, make that… um… eleventy-seven of us. I was thinking of just photoshopping Mitt's monochrome crapola onto a picture of 'tubgirl' or 'goatse', and calling it good.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

          Yay, the Luddite Contingent's all here~!

    • glamourdammerung

      Wow…I really should get a smartphone, but have managed to put it off for several years now and people basically call me a Luddite over that.

      But even if I did, I am not going to install iTunes just to make fun of Bishop Romney.

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      Camera on a phone?!? What next, little computers you can carry around and connect with the interwebs?

      • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

        Pocket telegram services!

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Radio

      Like 90% of Americans, I am a hobo. How do I take pictures with the two bean cans and twine I have in my bindle? Is there an app for that?

    • Antispandex

      Actually, I have one of those fancy phones, and I can take the pictures, but I have no idea how to send them…to the right person. I was a Luddite before it was cool.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      I had a cell phone for a year (2007), and got one phone call. I couldn't figure out how to answer it in time.

      (I don't answer the phone at work, but wait to listen to the message.)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I feel SO much less lonely now!

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Given the restrictions I suppose that "I am in Mitt's butt" isn't appropriate.

    • trondant

      "The call is coming from inside Mitt's butt."

  • sbj1964

    Mitt ASk's, Who would you rather have a beer with? Damn I'm a Mormon! How about a cup of coffee with me? Damn I'm a Mormon! I know Mittens under a tree with a tall cool glass of Tea? Damn I'm a Mormon !!! Mitt have a coke ,and a smile! Damn He's a Mormon!!

    • sbj1964

      No alcohol,No Caffeine,and No gambling for Mormons.Just ask Mitt, he will bet you $10,000?

  • BarackMyWorld

    AMERCIA….FUCK YEAH!

    (So lick my nuts and suck on my balls…)

    • Not_So_Much

      This is Mittens, so I think the change also replaces 'FUCK YEAH' with 'Heavens to Betsey!'

      • ElPinche

        "Heavens to Betsey, look at my bank account balance and douse yourself in coffee"

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Well I for one am all in favor of Mitt becoming President of the United States of Amercia in November. Where is Amercia by the way, and do they speak English there?

  • Mahousu

    OT, mais pourquoi est-ce que les pubs sont en français?

    • VicariousMe

      Vous avez sans doute visité des sites commerciaux en français. Leurs pubs vous suivent sur wonkette.

  • Schmannnity

    My 17 Mormon wives are going to be so proud.

  • decay500

    Will Zuckerberg buy InstaMitt?

    • Generation[redacted]

      His stock would tank!

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Awwwww, Hoagie! Who's a good kitty?

    • TootsStansbury

      Wow too busy at work to Wonk today! Hoagie looks a lot like my little kitteh (you have to read this in cute kitteh/good doggie voice).

      Mitt Romney is a stupid douche.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    (no actual pictures of buttsex, though, we beg of you)

    Aw, not even of good old coon-on-dog hawtness?
    Josh, you've been away too long.

    • fuflans

      i so second that.

      plus!! awesome cats!

    • glasspusher

      So, animated buttsechs gifs then?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Ooooh…new logo…

    I for one welcome our new whip-wielding, feline overlord.

  • Not_So_Much

    This is going to have more cock pictures than chatroulette (which I totally only know about because of, um, rumors and news articles).

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Read it in a book.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Dear Not_So_Much,

      Please send my office more information on this "chatroulette" with estimates of how many cock pictures there are and the following information

      cut v. uncut
      length and girth
      color
      piercings or tattoos

      if you could collate this information and also estimate the number of these cocks that would qualify as veiny, purple-headed, sphincter splitting fucksticks and provide links to these pictures it would greatly aid in a bi-partisan investigation being conducted by myself and Senators Marco Rubio, Mitch McConnell, Joe Lieberman and Dianne Feinstein into cocks on the internet, which we are conducting for the children.

      Sincerely Yours,

      Senator Lindsey Graham
      3rd Stall From the Left
      Larry Craig Memorial Men's Room
      Russell Senate Office Building
      Washington, DC 20510

      e-mail: curious_hambiscuit69@senate.gov

  • BarackMyWorld

    i haz android…someone use the iPhone app to put "Obama isn't working" on a pic of Osama bin Laden for me? Thx.

  • NorthStarSpanx

    So what's today's outrage, that Jon Stewart seems to take as much vacation as Barry? Sununu had to scream at Soledad on CNN? Insurgent GOP candidate is forcing a run-off in Texas for the US Senate?

    What a world Obama had to inherit, what a world Mitt is trying to 'take back.'

  • glamourdammerung

    I wonder how many variations of "goatse" they are going to end up with.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      You sure know how to put a smile on my face!

  • nounverb911

    Okay, I'm off to the local Chinese market to photograph some pig heads.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      How about a pig pizzle? Those are quite something, available at your local Chinese butcher's. You could photoshop it going into Rmoney's ear, or something.

      "What? I can't hear you!"
      "I said, You have a dick in your ear!"

  • MissTaken

    Does the kitty come free with the app?

    • glamourdammerung

      Yes, just go down to the local Humane Society and redeem your coupon.*

      *Color and size may vary.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Oh no … I really don't want to actually see what Magic Mormon underwear actually looks like …

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Don't know about the Mittster App., but along with the new logo, a voluptuous young lady named Vicki wants to meet me, so there's that.

    • Guppy

      She's in your area and wants to talk to you about the benefits of going vegan!

      And possibly the fuel savings of driving everywhere in reverse…

  • sbj1964

    Mittens on Dancing with the STARS doing the "Robot".

  • coolhandnuke

    Day One Job One is all bass ackwards.
    One Day One Job–is the number of new jobs Pres. Romney will create.

    • Sheesko

      And not even that many, if you get that he's really only switching out the one.

  • Callyson

    Damn, my instagram skillz are not up to the task. But let's see, I can still use my imagination…who is with Mitt?

    James O'Keefe, while deceptively editing one of his clips

    Jamie Dimon, telling his "risk management" team that Chase is too big to fail

    Meg Whitman, right after announcing the layoff of 27,000 HP employees who are not too big to be failed out

    Bob McDonnell, while in the process of giving a woman a transvaginal probe (oh, OK, so she can have a sheet over the interesting parts if you insist)

    Michael Steele, while attending a lesbian leather club

    Hey, this is fun! Go for it, Wonketteers!

    • ChapterUndVerse

      Lloyd Blankfein, doing God's work despite his failure to own magic underwear.

  • elfgoldsackring

    I'm with Mitt. Now I'm on a horse. Look at him. Now back to me. I know, what were you even thinking?!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Well someone already used a cat photo so I got nothing.

    • elfgoldsackring

      What about a dog shitting itself in terror? That's what the phrase "President Romney" conjures up for me.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

        That's known as "Romneying." That poor dog Romneyed.

  • CountryClubJihadi

    I can't believe I just downloaded that shit. I actually creeped myself out with my first submission. If you're stumped finding a good photo, just go to the 'Everything Ghetto" page photo archive on Facebook and have a good time.

  • owhatever

    Tits for Mitts.

  • Nostrildamus
  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Radio

    Josh, can you take pics of a black background so us iPhone-less losers can shop out the background and have fun overlaying the graphics on buttholes and turds?

  • Antispandex

    So, just so I'm clear, if Mitt wins, I have to drown my daughter's cat?

  • calliecallie

    "Here, a sleeping cat all mellowed out on catnip (kitty weed) represents what Obama does every day instead of fixing the economy (i.e., get high and take naps)."

    I think that was W, actually.

  • johnnymeatworth

    I am so glad I saved that picture of Osama Bin Laden with Bert from Sesame Street….

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    How did Our Wonkett miss this?

    (Also, does anyone have hints how to make one of these Romney App photos with a PC instead of Apple? Also how long do we have to submit?)

  • TootsStansbury

    "Obama ISN'T Working" because you know he is a lazy, shiftless blah person; you know how THEY are.

    Romney is such a douuuuuuuuche!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      That's exactly what they're implying. That shiftless lazy nigger is in the WHITE House layin' around doing drugs and listening to rap.

    • Dr. Nick Riviera

      lol, my in law is a member of a british white supremacist group. He actually posted "GOVERNMENT JUST SAID WONT GIVE ME CHECK HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEED MY KIDS" and then went on an anti-government tirade which turned into a tirade about how white people are the minority in britain and oppressed, blah blah blah. It was enough hypocrisy I have expected my computer to collapse in on itself.

  • TootsStansbury

    Oh and I am so excited to see all y'all's work. It"s like Festivus morning!

  • Barb

    I sent mine!

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Only one? Totally lame.

      • Barb

        I sent five. : ) Crap, or was it six. Who knows?

  • BTWBFDIMHO
    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      Very nice, dood/ine.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Cool. Could you put Mitt with the rubber glove on the left side?

      • BTWBFDIMHO

        Oops, let me try…

  • mormos

    i'm going to take a picture of me assaulting a gay teenager with scissors!

  • Guppy

    Oh, just overlay it with a picture of Cheney and call it a day.

  • rocktonsam

    I lost my Mitt when I was 11 years old.

    still haz a sad about that

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com MittBorg

      I wish you'd lost THIS one, then we wouldn't have to worry about him being the Presi-duhnt.

  • smashaduck

    I'd take a picture of my half-smoked bowl but I'm poor and bought a droid.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      One would think at least 90% of these Romlingees include kind bud… like pissing in the wind… but even us non-Apple techies can still have good ideas!

  • Negropolis

    Everybody knows about the ancient, English kingdom of Mercia, right?

    He was saying "boo urns."

    • fuflans

      this really really pleases me.

    • Negropolis

      Damn, you replied before I could correct it to Anglo-Saxon kingdom of Mercia.

      • biblioteq_tress

        It was implied, sir.

        • Negropolis

          I know, I know, but I wanted my snark as sharp as possible.

          Anyway, I say Mitt runs with this and runs as the president or lord protector of Mercia. I want to see him take his joke of a campaign to the English Midlands…to get him the hell out of America.

  • ChapterUndVerse

    I'm a bit worried on account of Mitts coming in pairs. Where's the other one?

  • Negropolis

    "Obama isn't working" because he's a lazy black person, right? Double entendre: how the fuck does it work?

    Stay kkklassy, Mitt.

  • fuflans

    i want to own josh's cats.

    that is all.

  • Negropolis

    Bad kitty; very bad kitty, sleeping in the litterbox.

  • angelfoot

    There's a few purdy funny ones on this here tumblr:
    http://amerciaiswithmitt.tumblr.com

    • Negropolis

      The Ralph Wiggum one is perfect.

  • Sheesko

    Josh has a Persian rug, meaning he is a turrist and needs to be droned immediately.

  • angelfoot

    A snapshot of some "idiot mittens" might be appropriate.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    So now that we have "Instamitt" what can we expect next from the Romney campaign's crack team of web developers? "Mittspace"?, "Mittroulette"? I can hardly wait!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      I Can Haz Mittburger?

    • vtxmcrider

      Mittroulette makes Russian Roulette look like innocent fun.

  • toschek

    http://i.imgur.com/xJ6gD.jpg — and don't expect Mitt to put the seat down for you bitches.

  • sullivanst

    which opens the door to eleven kinds of hilarity!

    I think you'll find it's actually eleventy kinds.

  • beezie687

    Nice to see Wonkette getting back to its buttsex roots. Amercia for buttsex!

  • vtxmcrider

    Amercia is the moon of the planet Kolob.

  • An_Outhouse

    Can someone upload the picture of the giant turd in the toilet that we've been forced to occasionally endure?

  • Eve8Apples

    I was going to take a picture of my dog tied to the roof of my car, but I just didn't have the heart to do that to her.

  • SenileAgitation

    Where are all the funny, funny pictures Josh? The new banner with sexy doll is Ok for masturbating, but I want to laugh clown laugh!

  • ttommyunger

    Who thinks this shit up? Do they get paid for it? Why am I asking you?

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Winners, please???