What is the best part of being in town at national political conventions? Seeing the speeches in person? Meeting an array of interesting activists? No, those are the worst parts — the best part is getting wasted and flopping around and pissing in the middle of the street while political activity is occurring in nearby arenas. But because North Carolina’s state-owned liquor stores are closed on Sundays and the Labor Day Monday preceding the Democratic National Convention, it’s going to be hard to procure the tools of intoxication necessary to survive several days of pathetic grandstanding and megabank marketing. Help, help, sympathetic Republican boozebag!
The problem, as identified — aside from the fact that people can’t buy jugs of moonshine for TWO STRAIGHT DAYS before a political convention — is that with ABC stores closed on Sunday and Monday, bars and restaurants will face inventory shortages heading into a week in which liver-destruction demand is expected to spike to historic highs. At least this one Republican understands that Democrats are pathetic, self-loathing alcoholics who hate the world, and he empathizes:
“The restaurants are going to be selling an awful lot of liquor on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with the Democrats coming into town,” said Rep. Bill Brawley, R-Mecklenburg.
Brawley is a cosponsor of H 1121, a bill that would allow ABC stores in Mecklenburg County remain open on Labor Day. The bill would only change the law for 2012 and wouldn’t apply elsewhere in the state.
Get it the motherfuck done, Brawley.