First Cory Booker goes “off-message” by saying he’s a whore on the television show, and then some other people do that, and now what, Barack Obama commits a “historic Beltway gaffe” by calling Mitt Romney to congratulate him for clinching the Republican nomination. What an idiot. You’re not supposed to exchange pleasantries with any Republicans, ever, or all elections are totally lost. Get in line, Obama. Obey yourself.
Here’s the official word from Obama Propaganda HQ (the Hooters on 7th Street):
At approximately 11:30 AM ET this morning, the President called Governor Romney to congratulate him on securing the Republican nomination. President Obama said that he looked forward to an important and healthy debate about America’s future, and wished Governor Romney and his family well throughout the upcoming campaign.
Whatever; it went more like:
OBAMA: Mitt? Hello Mitt.
ROMNEY: Hello Mr. President.
OBAMA: So… congratulations on winning the nomination.
ROMNEY: Yes.
OBAMA: Uhh…
ROMNEY: Uhh…
OBAMA:
ROMNEY: Have you seen the Avengers?
OBAMA: Huh?
ROMNEY: Movieeeee.
ROMNEY:
[End of Call]
Indeed, let’s all look forward to a healthy debate, derp derp.
[TPM]
{ 91 comments }
Never calls me, and I fuck shit up all the time.
Romney's favorite character from the Avengers? CAPTAIN AMERCIA!
Thank you. Didn't know the new spelling fuck-up.
My favorite part was where Mrs. Peel transforms into the Hulk.
HULK RUN BAIN CAPITAL!!!! HULK CONTROL COMPANY LINKED TO MEDICARE FRAUD!!!!
I thought it was already "AmerCIA". Since late '63, anyway.
"Obama Propaganda HQ (the Hooters on 7th Street)"
I'll have a dozen right wings, hot sauce, no celery, hold the assholes. What do you mean you can't separate the assholes?
Shouldn't we just be able to run a highlight reel of Rmoneyisms and (g-d willing) cinch this? Combine it with making the Etch-A-Sketch a symbol of the Rethuglicans' bet that Americans have a pathetically short attention span and will forget everything that is YouTubed forever?
Pssst. Americans do have a pathetically short attention span.
I'm being distracted by something shiny as we speak, and I have a triple digit IQ.
The writers for the debates should have a tablet device with clips queued and searchable so that the pervaciarations can be displayed in real time
I'd like to see a Watson-like computer hooked up to C-SPAN to do the exact same thing.
That would be grossly unfair to Mitt — he wouldn't be able to say anything, without the media showing a clip of him saying the opposite.
And any military-age men near Romney are subject to collateral congratulations.
"Is your refrigerator running?"
"Yes"
"Then buy the refrigerator company and fire everyone!!!!!"
Did you have Prince Albert canned?
"Do you have Prince Albert in the can"?
"No, that's Rick Perry's job."
"Can I speak to Mrs. Fire? You know, Amanda."
"Is there Amanda Fire in here. I need Amanda Fire."
"Start packing". *Hate-laugh*.
My favourite character from The Avengers: Mrs. Peel.
Was that who Scarlett Johansson wuz supposed to be? I thought the skin-tight black outfit looked familiar…
Black Widow.
If that was Black Widow, why the hell didn't she use her Widow's Sting or have a Russian accent???
M. Appeal….mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
When the crappy movie based on that obscure TV show came out, it made sense how a lot of people made jokes like, "It's weird that the Avengers movie only seems to star the Black Widow and Jarvis", since there was a movie based on same ancient, forgotten show that shared it's name with a really well-known comic book; but making the same joke now doesn't really work because the movie is based on the well-know book with the name rather than the obscure show.
I remember Hawkeye making "Mrs. Peel" jokes in the comics a few times.
Isn't this a bit like congratulating someone who was just diagnosed with cancer? That's some cold stuff, O.
Romney refused to take the president's call, because his phone doesn't have a servant's entrance.
Romney's no stranger to clenching.
I'm looking forward to the debates. Other than Herman Cain, this is the closest Romney will ever be to a black man.
Oh yea! Who wipes his ass?
That's the magic of Magic Underwear.
Self cleaning? I'm gittin' me some o dat.
Wait… Herman Cain is a Blah People?
I thought he was from Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.
They speak Cuban there.
That explains much.
What about the attendant in his car elevator?
Oh please – I'm sure he's fired TONS of black men.
Yes, but to be fair he baptized their dead relatives afterwards.
Can we PLEASE see video of the room full of people behind Obama all laughing their asses off?
And Obama trying really hard to keep a straight face?
Now THAT'S Presidential!
I think the call went something like this:
OBAMA: Hello
MITT: Who is this?
OBAMA: Hello, Mitt. It's Barry. Congrats on securing the GOP nomination.
MITT: Uh… thanks.
OBAMA: And oh, that sure is a nice family you've got there.
MITT: Uh… thanks?
OBAMA: I mean really, a nice..nice family. Would be a shame if something happened to them.
MITT: Uh…
OBAMA: By the way, have you heard about that drone hit list I've got?
MITT: Uh…
OBAMA: It's pretty awesome. I just push a button an…. BOOM!
MITT: [silence]
OBAMA: Anyway, send my love to your wife and kids. And give them a big hug. Always hug them like it's the last day you ever see 'em.That's what I say. Never go away angry or upset. 'cause you know… it could be. You just never know.
MITT: Uh… OK.
OBAMA: Well, good luck.
Chicago politics, baby! CHICAGO POLITICS!!!
Don't you mean KENYAN POLITICS??? Henngggh?
President Obama said that he looked forward to an important and healthy debate about America’s future, and wished Governor Romney and his family well throughout the upcoming campaign.
In other words, Obama told Mittens to kiss his black ass and then said Romney's mother is so fat she sat on a rainbow and Skittles came out.
Older news but related; San Antonio Spurs coach Greg Popovich called Oklahoma City Thunder coach Scott Brooks last week and congratulated his team for defeating the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA Western Conference Semi-Finals and wished him luck in his upcoming matchup in the Conference Finals.
wished Governor Romney and his family well throughout the upcoming campaign.
OMG! He politicized Ann!
NEWS FLASH: The bitch still ain't got a job.
And failed to appropriately acknowledge her MS and horses in the correct context.
Obama: Hi Mitt, this is Donald. Congratulations on winning the nomination, and thanks for the amazing blow job at the fundraiser.
Romney: "You're Welcome, Mr Trump. I have to say it was a marvelous experience for me, and I appreciate your support in restoring Amercia to her former glory.
Obama: Sike!!
Obama: Congratulations on your victory, Mitt.
Romney: You're not the correct height for a president.
Obama: Um, OK. I look forward to debating with you this summer.
Romney: You're a corporation. Corporations are people, my friend. I like being able to fire people.
Obama: Sounds like you need to get some sleep.
Romney: I don't need sleep. I just strap my dog to the roof of my car and hit the road.
Obama: Well, you have a good night.
Romney: Donald says "Where's the birth certificate?"
Shoulda let Biden do it.
Or Rahm – "Congratulations you fucking rich louse"
"Congratulations, you fucking [word that cannot be uttered on teh Wonkett but is just one letter different from 'petard']"
Obama: I watched that primary…thanks for the lulz…oh, and it's on, bitch!
Mittens: (puzzled silence…)
OBAMA: Is your refrigerator running?
MITT: Which one? I got like 50 in this place.
Which house?
We need more Bob Newhart.
Leave to Obama to politicize winning the Republican nomination.
At least I had the courtesy of scrolling all the way through the postings to see if someone else was as clever as I, and I say that you, Mahousu, are. Although I was going to say: Just like Obama to politicize the political process.
Did President Obama also say that he looks forward to stomping Romney's gaffe-y ass in the debates? Because I can't wait to see that.
You may have to plan on being in SF during the debates because watching Obama hand Mittens his ass is going to be hotter than porn.
Although that may make it hard to pay attention throughout the debate…
Fux News: "Obama ignores imminent Iran nuke war for campaign stunt"
HuffPo: "SHOCKER: Romney answers telephone himself instead of outsourcing to China [NSFW]"
CNN: "Bi-partisanship wins: Obama places call, Romney answers"
Chris Matthews: "Was it smart for Obama to make that call? I mean, Romney is already carpet bombing the swing states in a Dresden campaign to destroy Obama personally and politically. The wing nuts figure he was using a teleprompter in Mecca. He never got any credit for reaching across the aisle, instead his base saw him as weak. So why did he do it? Jack Kennedy: Elusive Hero. Your thoughts."
"Jane, you ignorant slut!"
HA!!!!
"[NSFW]" –Ha!!
New York Times: Obama ignores Manhattan and outer boroughs to place phone call to Mitt.
New York Times: Obscure African nations suffer while politicians party
New York Times: Uh, 9/11
"In case I royally fuck things up and lose to you, will you keep a wife in each bedroom?"
"Oh, sorry Mitt. I butt dialed you. Laterz."
Why does Obama insist on politicizing the 2012 Presidential campaign?
Mitt: 010110111011
Obama: Oh for fucks sake, turn on the 'Act Like a Human Program'
Mitt: 01011010101110000
Obama: Seriously, you stupid robot, hit the fucking button that says HUMANTIME
Mitt:01010011111….oh wait, that's it
Mitt: Hello?
Obama: Hi Mitt, just wanted to say congratulations
Mitt: Hello? Am I now speaking Human?
Obama: Good fucking God, Mitt, It's Barry, the PRESIDENT
Mitt: Oh, hi Barry. What's up?
Obama: I said I wanted to say congratulations
Mitt: Congratulations? I am programmed to know that human people do that
Mitt: What is this 'congratulations' for?
Obama: For releasing your birth certificate proving that your dad was born in Mexico.
Mitt:01010100111111
Obama: Fucking hell, Mitt, your stupid fucking robot!
Mitt: Error, Error0101011110011011
Daaaiiizeeee, Daaaiiizeeee….
Illogical! Illogical! Norman, correlate!
Yes, George Romney was born in Mexico and briefly ran for the Republican nomination for president. I guess he forgot or didn't know that only a natural-born citizen of the USA can run for that office.
What is it about these people???????????
I think there was a misunderstanding here – Obama was simply congratulating himself on his good fortune….
I simply can not trust any mahfucker who has never even had a cup of java.
I can trust a badazz who snorted coke and smoked weed. Sounds like my betsest friends and close fambily.
Barry: Mitt, you ever played roulette?
Mitt: On occasion.
Barry: Well, let me give you a word of advice. Always bet on black!
Oh man Obama is even politicizing being a decent human. What a motherfucker.
"Mittbot, I hear your Dad was a Messican and your Granddad had multiple wives. Just calling to say Ima fuck you up real good, bitch. Toodles."
And yet Bristol still sits by the phone, awaiting her phone call. . .
I'm sure Levi will be calling soon, to ask if he can borrow some money.
Yeah, but that's a typical Wednesday night for Bristol.
"Epic Washington Gaffe"? More like an epic mindfuck! "You're a rich white man, but I'm still the president. SUCK IT, BITCH!"
He's politicizing his gaffes! Kenyan socialist!
BHO: "Mitt, there's is only one thing I like about you: you're not a Jesus freak, HoHoHo!"
BARRY: Tell me true, Mittster. Did your boys at Bain do that Facebook thing? You know I'll find out sooner or later.
MITT: You mean did we get the bankers to drive up the price way beyond what the stupid company is worth, sell short when all the little guys jumped in thinking it was the next Google, then we sold short, knowing the price would collapse, because the banks were now telling us in advance that it wasn't worth the IPO price. We screwed the 100-share buyers, and pocketed millions?
BARRY: Yeah, like that.
MITT: Of course we did.
Barry and Mitt on the phone…hmm…Oh! Hell Yeah! Bring back "Get Your War On"!
President Obama: Are you sure this is the right phone number for Mitt Romney?
Aide: Why do you ask sir?
President Obama: Every time try calling it it sounds like I've dialed into a fax machine or a modem.
Aide: That's definitely the right number Mr. President.
I love the new Breitbartica font for post titles.
Barry: "Here's something I have memorized Ezekiel 25:17 ..The path of the righteous …"
Touche! It's chivalrous to confront the oncoming
adversarylunch.
Actually, I think the call was shorter and went more like this.
Obama: Game on, motherfucker. **click**
Romney: Hello?
"…anyway, good luck Mitt, gotta go, it's 'fuck the hot black bitch' time here at the White House; two things you'll never experience, my friend."
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