kids say the darnedest things

Let Us All Give A Standing Ovation To This Darling Four-Year-Old Wishing Homos To Hell

Here is beautiful Billy LucasThere are many wonderful gospel and blues songs from and about Indiana, like this one, which you could be singing for the rest of the day! Or you could watch this tiny tyke sing about homos going to H-E-L-L. (Of course the child does not say “hell,” because that would be indecent.) So, great job in raising a child decently, for Jesus, bizarrely tall and beefy and clean-cut fellows at the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle in Greensburg, Indiana, who jump up to applaud! (Anybody else get the feeling all those dudes are either former Secret Service or future Tim McVeighs? Sup? Is Indiana the new Montana/Idaho/other awesome militia spot? Maybe the ATF could check into that when they’ve got a minute?) From Joe.My.God.


Children singing in Church to enthusiastic… by f100001838231867

Coincidentally, Dan Savage notes that Greenburg was the town where Billy Lucas killed himself after being hounded for being gay, two years ago — which in fact led Savage to start It Gets Better. We are very glad that the Apostolic Truthers learned a lesson about humanity from Lucas’s sad death.

Here, let’s wash your ears.

You’re welcome. [Joe.My.God]

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165 comments

    1. LettucePrey

      Indeed. The memories are washing over me like razor blades in a sand storm. Praise Jebus.

    1. WunkRocker

      Worst state's drivers I've ever encountered. And leaving the bible belt south to drive through Indianapolis 3 times in 4 day I'd have to say those are some pretty Jesus-y folks up there.

    2. supernoun

      Truth! It was only this year that the grand dragon or wizard or whatever he's called resigned. And he lives 20 minutes from my house in the industrialized (post-industrial, rly) part of northern Indiana! THIS STATE IS SO GREAT OMG

    1. weejee

      With his picture on the Post Office wall. Although there is a strong likelihood Post Offices will be extinct by then.

  1. Not_So_Much

    Kids seems young to already be in a closeted, self-loathing shame spiral. I'm sure his parents are fun to party with though.

  2. Oblios_Cap

    ♫Yes, Jesus loves me
    Yes, Jesus love me.
    Yes Jesus loves me.
    Unless I'm homo.♪♫

  3. mrpuma2u

    Ugh. Haters gonna hate. What's the next new low for Xtians, ringing church bells as a signal to slaughter Hugonauts? Oh wait, did that already. Systematic hiding and shuffling around of pedophiles? Nope already did that….
    Thank jeebus that while they indoctrinate this young person with hate, they are teaching him not to swear.

  4. MissTaken

    If Obama wasn't such a politicizer he would've given Indiana the Medal of Freedom for this.

  5. Goonemeritus

    My first girl friend psychically cheated on me with Bobby Sherman, thanks for opening an old wound.

          1. Baconzgood

            You guys pick some chicks that listen to real shitty music. I don't like that KD Lang dude's music.

    1. ttommyunger

      Judging from the way he wiggles around, I'm guessing he's a bum lay. Looks like he's got pinworms.

    1. mrpuma2u

      Thank you, you hippy socialist bum zombie saviour you, that is freekin' (wouldn't want to swear) win!

  6. Ruhe

    Oh, there still just butt-hurt from when that queer dude in the straw hat conned them into buying all them tubas and uniforms. So now all gays must pay.

    1. FraAnima

      Friends, either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by a homo in your community.

          1. Wile E. Quixote

            I'll have you know that there are thousands of straight men who love musical theatre, thousands of us! Many of us also like the Pet Shop Boys too and have "Welcome to the Sodom and Gomorrah Show" T-shirts from their 2006 concert tour. So there.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        I'm talking about Penis, just wriggling around. With a capital P, and that rhymes with T and stands for Teabagging.

  7. Trannysurprise

    It was a little pitchy dawg. At this level if you want to win you really have to bring the racism and hate in tune.

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    I just noticed that the new shouty headlines on our Wonkette are italicized on the main page but are the more traditional straight up and down on the individual pages. I wonder why that is. Is this some kind of dog whistle that I don't hear?

    1. WhatTheHeck

      Its the new computer worm/virus looking for any information on our hard drives to see if we are homo. What it does is it takes our Italic type and makes it straight.

  9. Baconzgood

    And last week, that dude who cheered so enthusiastically raped a cub scout in the back room of that very church.

  10. FraAnima

    I'm just wondering if a lever action 30-30 plus a sidearm is sufficient defense against these fucktards, or if I need to reinstate my search for the "best" semi-automatic battle rifle. I thought that a band saw was a better investment, but now I'm not so sure.

  11. chascates

    America is not America unless we have some minority group to victimize. Unfortunately for these people it's going to be white, right-wing evangelicals in about 40 years.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      According to those people, they've already been the victims for the last half-century.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      Well that gives me something to look forward to when I'm in my mid eighties.

  12. boobookitteh

    Jesus disagrees.

    Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him.
    1 John 3:15

    1. Beowoof

      Well there you go with stuff actually in the Buybull again. Like any of these folks have read it.

      1. boobookitteh

        Reading is for socialists and queers.

        I wish Jesus was real and would come back and bitch slap these assholes like he did with the moneychangers in the Temple.

      1. boobookitteh

        Why would they? He was a brown skinned socialist. Probably born in Kenya. I need to see a long form Bethlehem birth certificate.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Don't forget "Mr. Revelation" John the Divine. (Not, I hasten to add, the same as John the Apostle or John the author of the gospel.)

  13. Barb

    Nothing is cuter than when you dress your little prosti-tot up and get him to sing about sex in a church. He's a wheelchair and a mermaid suit away from being Bette Midler.

  14. YasserArraFeck

    From the "Apostolic Truth Tabernacle" web site:
    "Welcome to Apostolic Truth Tabernacle – where our doors are open to you regardless of your background or where you are on your spiritual journey"
    As long as you ain't no ass-bandit, of course.

    1. Tommmcattt

      With any luck he'll find himself as ground zero at a boykakke fest in about 17 years, while his parents think he's off on a bible retreat.

      Poetic justice.

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    During my occasional work visits to Indy/Kokomo, I've noticed that the bootprint of Jesus lies heavily upon the land. Half the billboards are about hating on abortion, and even the fucking optional license plates that say "In God We Trust" seem to be on the majority of the vehicles. I thought things were bad here in Texas, but I feel like I gain three centuries as soon as we're wheels up out of IND.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      The In God We Trust plates were made the free default at first, before the ICLU sued the state for 1st Amendment violations, so a shitload of people got them without ever asking or caring about it. So while the state is full of frothing pro-Jeebus loonies, the plates aren't evidence of volume as much as disinterest.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Too bad you can't get them customized, I'd go for something like "In Larry We Trust."

  16. SheriffRoscoe

    Heaven will be an eternity spent with these people enjoying their sweet music and cheesy faux-greco-roman architecture. So sad I'm going to miss out.

  17. LettucePrey

    Poor kid is going to be fucked up for decades, if he ever gets over it.
    Just wait until he hits puberty. I guarantee he’ll one parent-hating gay atheist.

    1. Guppy

      Wonkette Long-Term Betting Pool–His freshman year at Liberty University will be highlighted by:Alcohol poisoningA pregnancyBoth

  18. sharethegrief

    I look at the sweet face of Billy Lucas and it makes me so sad that I'm having trouble snarking to this.

  19. Baconzgood

    New Rule: If you're going to bash gays you have to understand what homosexuality is.

  20. freakishlywrong

    Thank Jebus I drove across the country when I graduated. There are just huge swaths of this place I simply can't go to anymore. Can you imagine your car breaking down in that town?

  21. Baconzgood

    I've seen some shitty low-fi camcorder videos on Wonkette. That douch bag kid singing on Mt. Rushmore, the Sara Palin people, etc. etc. But this is the worst thing I've ever seen posted.

    1. Buckminster

      I picked the right day to resume drinking Martinis on occasion. Like Dorothy Parker, bless her soul

  22. Poindexter718

    The cute tyke in the sweater will be belting out showtunes, sipping mineral water and urging his parents to get dimmers by the time he's 11.

  23. SorosBot

    Since I figure we should reference Dylan in each post in honor of his Medal of Freedom, that poor kid is probably doomed; he's only a pawn in their game.

  24. Nick

    I'm from Greensburg. It has a tree growing out of the courthouse tower, and that used to be the quirk that everyone noticed. I have a tattoo of that tower and tree to remind me that I'll always be from that little town. There are two little coffeehouses, the first in town; I was back home briefly last year, and was the first person ever to order tea at the one on the square.

    I mean, it's not, you know, like this. I made a comment to my maternal grandmother once that sounded to her like I was saying people weren't born gay, and she immediately laid into me. I wasn't, I was talking about some pre-natal science I'd heard about, but it sounded to her like something she'd heard from friends and family about her son, my uncle, over and over, and she was not going to let that get by without being addressed. I had a hell of a time explaining myself–her Donnie was a *gift* to her, and no one was going to tell her otherwise, least of all her grandson. It's not all like this, at least.

    For once, I don't have to tell people where Greensburg is when they ask where I'm from.

  25. SenileAgitation

    Did I hear that lyric correctly, "Bible's right, somebody's wrong"? Then something about "See, but this amp goes to Eleven, bad dogs and homos don't go to Heaven"? Sorry, kid, your song sucks.

    1. gingerland62

      She's probably normal and smart enough to figure out what an effed up future she has in store, with the likes of these freaks in Indy.

  26. Beowoof

    Well there is the evidence of why meth use is and will continue to be big in the Midwest.

  27. smashaduck

    True story. Drove thru Indian one time. Stopped at a Steak n Shake. Took one look at the sea of aryans, and since my mom looks a little Jewey…cause of the Jewish…and I looked a lot dykey…cause of the Indigo Girls, we decided it would be best to speak German. That way maybe they'd think headquarters sent us.

    1. Chichikovovich

      What a coincidence. I was driving through Indiana with several players in my son's soccer team, back when they were about 10 -11 years old. We stopped at a Steak n Shake, ordered some heated substances for takeout, and while we were standing at the counter waiting, a Jewish kid on the team quietly sidled up to me, and whispered "that guy has a swastika on his arm". And, in fact, a guy who had just came in (who looked like a psycho-killer out of central casting) had an enormous swastika tattoo on his bicep. The couple of minutes before our food came passed very slowly.

  28. MarionNYNY

    Did they get the audience from the same Republican debate at which the crowd went wild at Texas for having the most executions? Or was it the one where they applauded for letting someone choose to die on the street without insurance? Or maybe it was the one where they enthusiastically booed the gay veteran? Or maybe they got them here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkCNBYDovx8?

    1. Makinglifehell

      In Gburg? Well, um, I think there's one or two, but they don't come out much during the day, due to the contrast and all. Nothing like being a fleck of pepper on a giant white rug.

  29. Chet Kincaid

    Ideating on the death of public figures yesterday, check; mocking kids, check; you guys were never serious about them New Rules, were you? Something something hobgoblins little minds…

  30. Dildeaux

    Is it wrong for me to wish thats childs parents to die in a fire? One wonders…

    Indiana license plates display this: "I God We Trust". Yes, on a fuggin plate.

  31. rickmaci

    You've got to be taught
    To hate and fear,
    You've got to be taught
    From year to year,
    It's got to be drummed
    In your dear little ear
    You've got to be carefully taught.

    You've got to be taught to be afraid
    Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
    And people whose skin is a different shade,
    You've got to be carefully taught.

    You've got to be taught before it's too late,
    Before you are six or seven or eight,
    To hate all the people your relatives hate,
    You've got to be carefully taught!

    Rodgers and Hammerstein
    "You've Got to Be Carefully Taught", South Pacific

  32. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Pentecostals are notorious for ardently and loudly yelling for Jesus. Their outstretched hands are synonymous with charismatic sects.

    When I left these horrible people, it was knowing that Jesus may never come back to them, ever, out of sheer embarrassment.

  33. Franknflower

    If this kid represents the all that is good in the universe, I officially align myself with the forces of darkness.

  34. Makinglifehell

    Also, too, fun fact, towns in Indiana that have a color in their name are traditionally (and ironically) considered verboten to the Cullards, as they are still called in many parts 'round here. Ah Indiana, the backwater shithole slice of Dixie that somehow emerged above the 38th parallel.

  35. lochnessmonster

    What is really disturbing is the adults giving him a standing ovation in church…

  36. spinozasgod

    We keep having to expand our "crazy state" list. I'm begiining to fear that there are more of "them" than "us" and that the future for our children or, in my case, grandchildren is going to be very ugly.
    I live in Wisconsin, WISCONSIN for gods sake is going RED big time, Walker is way ahead now in the polls. What if we end up under republican rule….all out…house senate presidency….. what kind of place are we becoming?
    sorry, I forgot the snark

  37. Buckminster

    Who teaches a precious baby to say such evil things? I am beginning to give credence to the concept of Original Sin and believe it has to be beaten out of the crotchfruit by nuns.

  38. Negropolis

    Ummm…Indiana isn't the new anything. Indiana is the same old KKK-sheltering Indiana it's always been.

    Okay, so I'm going between anger and sadness that this amounts to child abuse as far as I'm concerned, and then intense laughter that the kid literally runs a rope-line of high-fives. lol I mean, it's like an SNL skit until you realize it's real life.

    Until these fuckers love Jesus more than they hate gays, they can't legitimately claim him. Period. You can't have both.

  39. ttommyunger

    I'd forgotten why I drove to Indiana so many weekends from Fort Campbell for the scorching hot 'tang always ready up there. This all sort of helps explain it, I'm thinking.

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