BUT HE LIKES IT  9:23 pm May 29, 2012

Mitt Romney Can’t Explain What He Learned from Firing People

by Kris E. Benson

The business of America is ... some stuff?I like to learn a fun fact every day, and today I learned TWO fun facts! One is that people still actually read Time, and two is that Romneybot 6000 doesn’t have a scripted response to questions about what he learned from Bain or how Bain in any way qualifies him to be the president of the Greatest Country on Earth. He does, however, know that he has two of the most important qualifications there are: he was born in the United States, and he knows exactly how many people you have to fire to make a businesses grow. From that commie liberal rag the New York Times:

“I’d like to have a provision in the Constitution,” he recalled [some guy] saying, “that in addition to the age of the president and the citizenship of the president and the birthplace of the president being set by the Constitution, I’d like it also to say that the president has to spend at least three years working in business before he could become president of the United States.”

Mr. Romney did not endorse the idea, but he seemed to like it.

He liked it because “working in business,” unlike, presumably, the kind of work that OTHER PEOPLE DO (*cough*Ann Romney*cough*) helps you understand exactly how you have to screw over workers in order to pursue an inflated bottom line for the suits at the top.

“You see, then he or she would understand that the policies they’re putting in place have to encourage small business, make it easier for business to grow.”

Also, he or she would know how to read a balance sheet, which is also essential to running the country. Via Time:

Mark Halperin: …what specific skills or policies did you learn at Bain that would help you create an environment where jobs would be created?

Romney: Well that’s a bit of a question like saying, what have you learned in life that would help you lead? … Twenty five years in business, including business with other nations, competing with companies across the world, has given me an understanding of what it is that makes America a good place to grow and add jobs, and why jobs leave America – why businesses decide to locate here, and why they decide to locate somewhere else. What outsourcing causes – what it’s caused by, rather. I understand, for instance, how to read a balance sheet….

See, Mitt  understands, for instance, how to read a balance sheet, which Obama could never understand primarily because balance sheets don’t come with their own teleprompters. The finely-tuned skill of balance-sheet-reading totally qualifies him to be president, particularly since he learned how to read a balance sheet after working in the private sector for 25 years. How many of you can say both things — that you know how to read a balance sheet and that you worked in the private sector for 25 years?

Halperin: …There are a lot of people in America who know how to do that. What would make you qualify to be President – again, specific things you’ve learned, things you know, policies that grow out of your experience at Bain Capital that would lead toward job creation.

Romney: … Let’s take energy, for instance. I understand that in some industries, the input cost of energy is a major factor in whether an industry is going to locate in the United States or go elsewhere. So, when at Bain Capital, we started a new steel company called Steel Dynamics in Indiana, the cost of energy was a very important factor to the success of that enterprise… My policy on energy is to take advantage of coal, oil, natural gas, as well as our renewables, and nuclear – make America the largest energy producer in the world. I think we can get there, in 10 or 15 years. That will bring back manufacturing of certain high energy intensive industries. It’ll bring back jobs. It’ll create a surprising economic revitalization of this country.

H-E-double-Hockey-Sticks, looks like Mitt and I finally agree on something! I will definitely be surprised in the event that he presides over an economic revitalization of this country, particularly if he’s using Steel Dynamics in Indiana to illustrate this point. Let the record show, however that Mitt welcomes, WELCOMES, scrutiny of his business record:

Halperin: But you welcome scrutiny of your business record, is that right?

Romney: Mark, what I can tell you is this… The President’s experience has been exclusively in politics and as a community organizer. Both of those are fine areas of endeavor, but right now we have an economy in trouble, and someone who spent their career in the economy is more suited to help fix the economy than someone who spent his life in politics and as a community organizer.

Obviously you’re only “in the economy” if you are presiding over layoffs and bankruptcies and reading balance sheets. The rest of us — community organizers in particular, really — are operating “outside the economy,” which only exists in the private sector. And the organization of communities that have been adversely affected by layoffs and bankruptcies and other private-sector activities can’t help you understand how to fix the economy; you can only understand THAT if you’re helping to destroy it and then reading balance sheets about how much money you made off it, and only THEN if you’ve done that for exactly three years. [NYT/Time]

 
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{ 221 comments }

Barb May 29, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Meh, this guy can't get control of Donald Trump. There's no way he could deal with Putin.
Epic fail.

And poor Ann Romney, it's probably harder to be a stay-at-home mom when you have so many homes. She haz a confused.

iburl May 29, 2012 at 9:41 pm

The only thing that keeps her sane is spending quality dressage time with her Austrian Warmblood (Arnold) and Missouri Fox Trotter (Rush).

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

But the look on President Willard's face when he's making his first visit to the Kremlin and is introduced by Putin to the Russian Minister of Energy Sarah Palin will be priceless.

Lascauxcaveman May 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

End of phone conversation between Mitt and Anne:

"Okay, honey. I guess I'll see you at home about sixish."

"I'm going to need more specific information than that, Mitt."

BearNoLike May 30, 2012 at 1:54 am

Hey Barb. Long time no talk.

I can read a balance sheet. LMK.

Barb May 30, 2012 at 7:27 am

Hey Bear!

Boojum May 30, 2012 at 8:40 am

The "real" Mitt Romney died in a car accident in France. From the Wikipedia:

"Trapped between the steering wheel and door, the unconscious and seriously injured Romney had to be pried from the car; a French police officer . . . wrote Il est mort in his passport."

The cyborg substitution was carried out immediately:

"Romney . . . had suffered broken ribs, a fractured arm, a concussion, and facial injuries, but recovered quickly without needing surgery. The French police say that they have no records of the incident . . ."

WHO IS THIS IMPOSTOR!!!!!

Harry_S_Truman May 29, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Halprin: Okay, now that I've appeared to ask you difficult questions, may I blow you.

M. Bouffant May 29, 2012 at 9:30 pm

That will bring back manufacturing of certain high energy intensive industries.

What the hell does that mean? Entire (certain) industries will be manufactured? How does one "manufacture an industry," exactly? And once the (certain) industry is manufactured, what happens? Do they ship the industry overseas?

I suppose it could stimulate the manufacture of anti-pollutant face-masks, when we're all breathing fracking fumes in the brave new energy world.

Buckminster May 29, 2012 at 10:34 pm

Seriously, these weasels think we breathe carbon dioxide and live on methane. Idiotic. We need a serious, voluntary genetics program in this country. Not that I don't know who else suggested that, but his solution involved poison gas and ovens, not self-control and smart people.

bagofmice May 30, 2012 at 12:07 am

Romney is an aspie. Aspergers syndrome through and through. People are stupid and unpredictable, but math works. The thing is that with the divorcation of self to people further down the graph, like 2 or 3 hops, ancillary impacts are irrelevant. Impacts like people being fired. Offshored to china, India, etc. the numbers work, the people don't.
Without making the cognitive leap that employees are customers, you make short term decisions that cripple everything.

ChapterUndVerse May 30, 2012 at 12:15 am

Well, we already manufacture consent, lie with statistics, and live in a post-fact society where anything can be true "enough." How much harder can manufacturing an industry be?

Generation[redacted] May 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

Enron manufactured entire industries. Bandwidth futures trading, for example.

notanncoulter May 30, 2012 at 12:30 pm

IMHO Methamphetamine Hydrochloride manufacturing fits the bill.

Arken May 29, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Of course people read Time. How else would we know whether or not Jesus was a real historical person every year?

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Ain't that the truth?

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 3:21 am

Time: Where false equivalency isn't just a science, but an art.

Chichikovovich May 29, 2012 at 9:32 pm

The "three years working in business" rule would have excluded Reagan, so it has its positive aspects.

[Would have excluded Eisenhower and for that matter any career military person too, so it has its anti-military aspects. Romney hates the troops!]

Wile E. Quixote May 30, 2012 at 2:07 am

So let's see. If the Rmoney rule had been in place which presidential and vice-presidential candidates would have been ineligible for the last 100 years? I'm not counting being a lawyer as working in business, if it were my rule I also wouldn't count working at a bucket shop like Bain as working in business either. Mitt Romney is not a Steve Jobs, a Jeff Bezos, a Bill Gates, a William T. Boeing, a Warren Buffett or even a Ross Perot. He's basically a highly paid fund manager.

2012 – Barack Obama and Joe Biden – (D)
2012 – Every Republican candidate save Ron Paul, Jon Huntsman, Donald Trump and Herman Cain and of course Mitt Rmoney. Rick Perry doesn't count because he was a Texas cotton farmer before he got into government. In any other state Texas cotton farmers are called "welfare queens".
2008 – John McCain and Sarah Palin – (R)
2008 – Barack Obama and Joe Biden – (D)
2004 – John Kerry and John Edwards – (D)
2000 – Al Gore and Joe Lieberman – (D)
1996 – Bob Dole and Jack Kemp – (R)
1996 – Bill Clinton and Al Gore – (D)
1992 – Bill Clinton and Al Gore (D)
1988 – Mike Dukakis and Lloyd Bentsen – (D)
1984 – Ronald Reagan (no, acting is not a business, plus Reagan was a union leader) – (R)
1980 – Ronald Reagan – (R)
1976 – Gerald Ford – (R)
1972 – George McGovern and Sargent Shriver – (D)
1972 – Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew – (R) – (Nixon's "private sector experience" was working as a lawyer during the 1960s. Sorry Dick but being a lawyer is not the same as running a business.
1968 – Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew – (R)
1968 – Hubert Humphrey and Edmund Muskie – (D)
1968 – George Wallace and Curtis LeMay – (KKK)
1964 – Lyndon Johnson and Hubert Humphrey – (D)
1960 – John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson – (D)
1960 – Richard Nixon – (R) (Nixon had even less private sector experience in 1960 than he did in 1968)
1956 – Dwight D. Eisenhower and Richard Nixon – (R)
1956 – Adlai Stevenson and Estes C. Kefauver – (D)
1952 – Dwight D. Eisenhower and Richard Nixon – (R)
1952 – Adlai Stevenson and John C. Sparkman – (D)
1948 – Thomas Dewey and Earl Warren – (R)
1948 – Strom Thurmond and Fielding L. Wright (KKK)
1944 – Franklin D. Roosevelt – (D) (Harry S. Truman had worked as a haberdasher in Kansas City in the 1920s)
1944 – Thomas Dewey and John W. Bricker – (R)
1940 – Frankin D. Roosevelt – (D) (Interestingly enough Roosevelt's VP in 1940, Henry Wallace, founded a successful agribusiness in the 1920s that later became Pioneer Hi-Bred)
1940 – Wendell Willkie and Charles L. McNary – (R)
1936 – Franklin D. Roosevelt and John Nance Garner – (D)
1932 – Franklin D. Roosevelt and John Nance Garner – (D)
1928 – Al Smith and Joseph T. Robinson – (D)
1924 – Calvin Coolidge – (R)
1924 – John W. Davis and Charles W. Bryan – (D)
1924 – Robert M. LaFollette Sr. and Burton K. Wheeler (Progressive)
1920 – Interestingly enough both Warren G. Harding and Frank Cox had extensive business experience, however their vice presidential candidates, Calvin Coolidge and Franklin D. Roosevelt didn't.
1916 – Woodrow Wilson and Thomas Marshall – (D)
1916 – Charles Evan Hughes and Charles W. Fairbanks – (R)
1912 – None of the candidates who ran in 1912 had any significant business experience.

OK, so in 30 minutes of research on Wikipedia I've basically determined that the Rmoney rule is incredibly fucking stupid because it wouldn't have prevented the disastrous presidency of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, the disastrously corrupt presidency of Warren G. Harding (The George W. Bush of 1920) and the failed presidency of Herbert Hoover. It wouldn't have prevented Truman from being president, but would have prevented Eisenhower from being president. Why is it then that I don't have a job in journalism? Oh yeah, it's because I would actually challenge Rmoney if he spewed bullshit like this, and you can't have that.

glamourdammerung May 30, 2012 at 2:25 am

I think it is more appropriate to refer to Reagan's union leadership position as "community organizing for unions".

Wile E. Quixote May 30, 2012 at 2:36 am

Does that mean that Reagan was, wait for it, wait for it, a union thug?

MittBorg May 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 4:09 am

Damn, you're more OCD than I am. Since you already checked, what was Poppy Bush's business experience?

glamourdammerung May 30, 2012 at 7:52 am

He worked in the oil industry and even if he got the job because of dad, he apparently was at least competent.

thatsitfortheother1 May 30, 2012 at 5:10 am

Nicely done.

ChuckieJesus May 30, 2012 at 7:58 am

1948 – Strom Thurmond and Fielding L. Wright (KKK)

I spat my coffee when my monocle popped out. Good show!

JustPixelz May 30, 2012 at 8:32 am

And look who the Romney business rule lets in: Dubya and Herbert Hoover.

MittBorg May 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Two of the worst "leaders" EVAH.

memzilla May 29, 2012 at 9:33 pm

Say, you know who else liked to brag about how his filling up "balance sheets" was saving the country … ?

C_R_Eature May 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Vlad Tepes?

nounverb911 May 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Bernie Madoff?

Pseudonymously_Joe May 29, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Nathaniel Bedford Forrest?

SorosBot May 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

The Crimson Permanent Assurance?

glamourdammerung May 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Fellow Mormon Adolf Hitler?

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

David Vitter, if "balance sheets" = diapers, and I think you know it does.

George Skullfry May 29, 2012 at 11:52 pm

The guy that invented the KKK teeter-totter?

littlebigdaddy May 30, 2012 at 12:17 am

What about turning tricks at the truck stop? That seems the be the main type of employment available where I live.

NellCote71 May 30, 2012 at 7:04 am

And constructing meth labs, although in my redneck of the woods, even that is being outsourced to Mexico.

glamourdammerung May 30, 2012 at 7:49 am

I am starting to think meth labs are the sole manufacturing left in a good chunk of the Rust Belt. Job creators!

NellCote71 May 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

Hell, yes. USA. USA!

Callyson May 30, 2012 at 2:03 am

Lloyd Blankfein?

Jamie Dimon?

Tony Hayward?

Oh hell, easiest to go with the ubiquitous AOTK…

alzronnie May 30, 2012 at 8:44 am

Pol Pot?

Dashboard Buddha May 29, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Do lemonade stands and paper routes count?

memzilla May 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

If you fire the kids and use cheap exploitable labor, then yes.

bagofmice May 30, 2012 at 12:11 am

In my day, you had to pay a quarter to play paperboy. http://www.bing.com/search?q=paperboy+game+online

Veritas78 May 29, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Neither careers are considered viable in Belmont, Lake Winnipesaukee, Park City, or La Jolla. Homes too far apart, limousine windows too rolled up.

Callyson May 30, 2012 at 2:04 am

Not if you only made $300K running them–that's not very much money.

Generation[redacted] May 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

It's better if you take over the neighbors' lemonade stand using a leveraged buyout, pile it with debt, and sell off the assets.

memzilla May 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Mitt Rmoney has a point about how a Preznit should have business expertise. GW Shrub had an MBA and business experience, and look how well that turned out!

George Skullfry May 29, 2012 at 11:54 pm

Fuck, Donald Trump has business experience. Mostly in filing bankruptcy, but hey, it's experience.

anniegetyerfun May 30, 2012 at 9:44 am

That may be exactly the kind of leadership that this country needs!

ProgressiveInga May 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

Mittens: "My policy on energy is to take advantage of coal, oil, natural gas, as well as our renewables, and nuclear".

I hope he gets served the Fukushima Tuna Sushimi tonight in Vegas.

George Skullfry May 29, 2012 at 11:55 pm

The next step up from fugu : fucku.

MittBorg May 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I hope the sushi chef who prepares the fugu never finished the course due to a default on his student loans …

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 9:35 pm

The five to ten seconds it takes to synch my iPod Classic is infinitely more interesting than anything this character has ever had to say, though "We should double Guantanamo" was pretty funny.

Chichikovovich May 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm

and why jobs leave America…

The people at Bain tried their heck-darndest to keep those jobs in the USA, but those rascal jobs just kept up and leaving by themselves.

glamourdammerung May 29, 2012 at 9:36 pm

This guy could not beat John McCain. Let that sink in, as this guy is literally less competent than George W. Bush.

The fact he gets pushed around by Limbaugh, Trump, etc. and is ashamed of the only government experience he has is just "bonus".

ProgressiveInga May 29, 2012 at 9:50 pm

And don't forget, 'this guy' comes to the election table with close to 200 electoral votes already in the bag. So, which is scarier, the face-eating man in Florida or the thought of President Willard Mitt Romney?

Good night.

NYNYNYjr May 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

But who's a crappier businessman?

glamourdammerung May 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm

But who's a crappier businessman?

When most of the businesses they both were involved in tended to crash and burn, it is really hard to tell. I would have to go with Romney there though, if only because he was deliberately trying to destroy the companies he was involved with.

Generation[redacted] May 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

Yeah but when Dubya's bidness crashed, he had to start over. When Mittens crashed a business, he still walked away with hefty management fees.

iburl May 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

I know a lot of people who "Work in business" that I would never vote for as dog catcher, so that does not compute. Time to do a clean-install of OS-Ecch, Mittbot.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 31, 2012 at 8:35 am

Seems to me the fuckups on Wall St. who blew up the economy all "worked in business". And knew how to read a balance sheet.

Veritas78 May 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm

At this point in his life, Mitt has spent twice as much time trying to land a gummint job (largely unsuccessfully) than he has spent actually working at any job whatsoever.

Timeclock Willard, he ain't.

elfgoldsackring May 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Hey, your p-ness is shrinking!

Veritas78 May 29, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Huh! You're right. (Grabs tape measure.)
I would be really upset about this, except now I get to bust a 100 all over again! Kinda like vaginoplasty, I guess.

Fare la Volpe May 29, 2012 at 11:51 pm

They let you rejuvenate that shit now (link SFW…sorta).

MittBorg May 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Well, we can't have p-nile shrinkage running rampant. I hereby fist you hard.

LastGasp May 29, 2012 at 9:39 pm

"I’d like to have a provision in the Constitution,” he recalled [some guy] saying, “that in addition to the age of the president and the citizenship of the president and the birthplace of the president being set by the Constitution… "

Still playing to the Birthers, eh? For shame.

SorosBot May 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm

And he's lying when he does so too; the Constitution says nothing about birthplace.

Pseudonymously_Joe May 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

If it did, he wouldn't have been trounced by McCain last time around (at the time of McCain's birth, the Canal Zone was not considered US soil for the purposes of citizenship, though a later law retroactively provided for this. It was, of course, completely moot, because McCain's parents were US Citizens, even though he was born quasi-overseas)

MosesInvests May 29, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Juan McCain was actually born in Panama proper, not in the Canal Zone where his father was stationed.

glamourdammerung May 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

The whole Canal treaty was a scam pulled off by a con artist. This is why Congress pass a law to give naturalized citizenship to the children born in the Canal Zone. The whole history of the construction of the Canal is hilarious.

Dr. Nick Riviera May 29, 2012 at 11:15 pm

What are you, a Constitutional Law Professor? That's not a real job.

elfgoldsackring May 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm

How did Mittens gain experience in running a small business? His Daddy bought him a big business and waited a year. Boom-tish!

boobookitteh May 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

What's the emoticon for "rueful chuckle"?

Fare la Volpe May 29, 2012 at 11:52 pm

8=====D~~

I think.

flamingpdog May 30, 2012 at 1:08 am

It's late and I'm old Fare – that took me a few seconds. But I'm saving it for future use.

SorosBot May 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Well I’d like it also to say that the president has to spend at most zero years working in business before he could become president of the United States, because a business background makes someone less qualified to work in politics, not more as this moron just asserts without evidence.

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 3:26 am

If anything, "being in business" qualifies you better for a job as a dictator than a democratically elected president, somaybe R-Money should be running for president of Syria or some shit.

nounverb911 May 29, 2012 at 9:41 pm

"Fired people aren't corporations any more."
–Mitt Romney

Chichikovovich May 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm

The President’s experience has been exclusively in politics and as a community organizer.

Um, Mitt – the President's experience in the last 3+ years has been in being President. Which is really good preparation for being President.

[Much better than spending 8 or so years doing nothing but running for President, for example.]

SorosBot May 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

And of course he's trotting out the dog-whistles too; while being a community organizer is something to be proud of, the right-wing bigots keep using the position derisively, because they're just using it as a substitute for the N-word.

Chichikovovich May 29, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Yes. "Community organizer and politics" is Obama's experience? That leaves out the 11 years working as an attorney at Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland, not to mention the many terms teaching at the University of Chicago law school.

SorosBot May 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

And they're both the private sector! But I guess they don't count as "business" in Romneyworld because Obama didn't fire anybody.

Pseudonymously_Joe May 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Honestly, if anything, it'd be nice if more of our presidents could spend a few years teaching before taking office. In particular, primary education, since dealing with Congress is a lot like trying to manage a gaggle of children.

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I'd suggest experience in special education, too, also, for handling the Rethuglican side of the aisle.

BerkeleyBear May 29, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Yeah, but he was a civil rights attorney and a Constitutional law teacher, which both have nothing to do with the economy in Romney's definition (corporate leveraging for short term profits – nothing else counts).

Bezoar May 29, 2012 at 9:43 pm

That photo should be filed under 'evil smirk'. Oh, it is? Nevermind.

elfgoldsackring May 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

'Slick and cock-suckery'

WhatTheHeck May 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I would like to alter the Constitution of the United States to say that from henceforth only corporations will be eligible to donate to presidential candidates and furthermore, only CEO’s of said corporations will be allowed to introduce new bills to Congress.

Oh wait. I was distracted momentarily and didn’t notice this was already in place. Carry on.

Chill_Bill May 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

No, Mittard, It doesn't work that way. Just because you made yourself and your buddies rich while working Bain, it doesn't mean that you are an expert in the Economy. It means that you found a way to make the Economy work for you at the expense of others. You are not more qualified to be President than a manager at a Chuch E Cheese; the difference is that you think you are entitled to it.

rocktonsam May 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm

"Mittard"

instant classic!

Generation[redacted] May 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

Hoisted by his own Mittard!

Fare la Volpe May 29, 2012 at 9:44 pm

What would the Mittbott 3000 know about energy?

Its batteries run on pure smug.

nounverb911 May 29, 2012 at 9:46 pm

"The President’s experience has been exclusively in politics and as a community organizer. "
And killing bin Laden. So suck it Mitt.

BerkeleyBear May 29, 2012 at 11:07 pm

And saving GM. So suck it two times Mitt.

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 11:43 pm

No, no, no, I saw on the intertubes where Mitt said he saved Detroit by recommending the big car companies be allowed to go bankrupt. And everybody knows, if you read it on the Mitternet, it must be true.

CthuNHu May 29, 2012 at 9:49 pm

I’d like it also to say that the president has to spend at least three years working in business before he could become president of the United States.

General Eisenhower would like a word with you, Governor Romney.

….

Oh, sorry, did I say "would like a word with"? I meant to say "has a large mud-encrusted boot with 'MITT' scratched into the toe for." My bad. Let me get you some Bactine…

BerkeleyBear May 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

According to Mitt's apparent definition of business, I don't think anyone but Harding and Coolidge would qualify. Even Hoover was mainly a government drone.

Grant might make it, but only if you include the years when he left the army pre-Civil War and bombed out as a dry goods merchant.

imissopus May 29, 2012 at 11:11 pm

And Truman, if you include his bombing out as a haberdasher.

BerkeleyBear May 29, 2012 at 11:13 pm

Do we get to include failed tailor's apprentice Andy Johnson too, or do we just ignore him like everyone else?

imissopus May 29, 2012 at 11:31 pm

Andy Johnson later botched Reconstruction so badly that he created many jobs in the garment manufacturing industry for white hoods and sheets. So he might indirectly qualify under this new Romney Rule.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 12:04 am

Peanut Farmer Jimmy had more contact with actual "business" than Financier Willard.

starfanglednut May 29, 2012 at 9:51 pm

"What outsourcing causes – what it’s caused by, rather."

Mittens, you fuckwit. That is EXACTLY the point. You can find all sorts of causes/justifications of outsourcing, but have NO IDEA, what it causes, and how it affects the little people.

Generation[redacted] May 30, 2012 at 11:55 am

Outsourcing causes profits!

HempDogbane May 29, 2012 at 9:52 pm

I have spent my entire career in the economy and I can fold my own sheets. I just haven't got a big head about it.

nounverb911 May 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

Sheets of 10s, 20s and 100s?

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I know the size of toilet paper rolls shrinks every year, but it is down to that?

nounverb911 May 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Mittbot 3000 needs more de-gaussing.

tbogg May 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Ann Romney is still eligible to be President Of Make Mitt A Sandwich.

starfanglednut May 29, 2012 at 9:53 pm

OT, but here, in pieces (per advice of Biels), is an email created for purpose of arranging wonkette meet ups, and any other purposes that may arise:

wonkettemeetups

C_R_Eature May 29, 2012 at 9:54 pm

"I’d like it also to say that the president has to spend at least three years working in business before he could become president of the United States.”

By Mitt's rationale, Sydney Biddle Barrows would be a perfect candidate for the Presidency. She ran a very successful business for more than 3 years, fired very few people and had a whole lot more satisfied customers than Mitt ever did.
Plus, the type of business background she had would make her an especially apt fundraiser.

pinkocommi May 30, 2012 at 1:01 am

Not to mention her extensive experience making sure people are fucked…. Sounds like the ideal Republitard politician.

C_R_Eature May 30, 2012 at 6:10 am

Barrows: "You're fucked, baby!" (in Pink Slip)

Mittens: "You're Fucked, baby!" (hands out Pink Slip)

It's all in the delivery.

starfanglednut May 29, 2012 at 9:56 pm

OT continued:

@gmail.com

If something goes sour, I can just delete it. Hope to hear from you! East coasters represent!

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

It's more than obvious that Romney has been running for president all these years only because he's hoping to be cast as Ernst Blofield in a future James Bond movie. Mitt, baby, hit the casting coach like everyone else! Besides, the whole super-rich meglomaniac attempting to corner the world's supply of [fill in the blank] plot has already been done a gazillion times.

Anyway, if you want the part that badly, Mitt, just buy MGM (if you haven't already). I'm sure they'd love to hear from you.

chascates May 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I'd like to be able to fire politicians. More than just the parliamentarian motion of no confidence to force a new administration. The ability for a majority of people in a congressional district to vote out their representative of either House or Senate. Of course constituents are easily misled, misinformed, and liable to make snap decisions. That's the beauty of it. The elected must stay close to the wishes of his/her electors or pay the price.

That and total and ONLY public financing of elections even if it takes an Constitutional amendment.

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I'd settle for just being able to give them a giant jolt of electricity every time they do something stoopid or corrupt.

BerkeleyBear May 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Yeah, but too many would like that.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 12:08 am

I'd like to be able to fire (votes) at politicians.

Dr. Nick Riviera May 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Mitt Romney: "I will be a superior president like George W. Bush instead of an inferior president like Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Ike, FDR, Kennedy and Washington."

Dr. Nick Riviera May 29, 2012 at 10:00 pm

So is being a teacher "community organizing" or "politics" now?

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 12:08 am

Union thug, silly.

snackypants May 30, 2012 at 1:44 am

AOTK.

glamourdammerung May 30, 2012 at 2:28 am

What does that mean? Search engines were no help.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 3:57 am

All of them, Katie.

e_z May 30, 2012 at 6:49 am

Army of the Kind and I doubt Mitt served in that Army either.

nounverb911 May 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Bain comes in, jobs go to China. Never a miscommunication. Who can explain it?

Chow Yun Flat May 29, 2012 at 10:04 pm

Screw him. I know how to read a Balance Sheet–plus an Income Statement, Shareholders Equity and Cash Flows–but I am not stupid enough to think that makes me a viable candidate for President. Romney is that stupid.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Rmoney / Corpse of Ken Lay 2012.

Veritas78 May 29, 2012 at 10:07 pm

He does seem supremely pleased with himself, doesn't he?

"I'm obviously overqualified for this job. Now if the pesky public would just realize that and we could get on with things… wait, why does the public have a say in this?"

The guy's not far from saying what he thinks.

glamourdammerung May 29, 2012 at 10:09 pm

I think he is going to out-tantrum McCain during any debates (if he bothers to do them).

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 10:12 pm

So the President must have business experience to do Presidenting. Should the President also have experience in the military, or speak another language (foreign relations yo), or experience interacting with drunky orange people, or have minted his own currency, or have personally drilled for oil, or run a national park?

Oh wait … that's what advisors are for. Business is different, of course, because nobody can understand The Economy Of The Homeland without having asset-stripped businesses. Gotcha, Willard. Makes sense.

Wile E. Quixote May 30, 2012 at 2:39 am

Mittens speaks a foreign language, he's fluent in French.

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Oh Mitt, oh Mitt. If you could only, for once, think outside the bucks.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 12:10 am

That deserves elevation to meme.

rocktonsam May 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

hopefully Mittenz saves the really stupid answers until after Labor Day.

Shame on you Texas, also.

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm

If Romney is saying the presidency is a nothing job, why is he bothering to run for it?

Retired rich people say and do the darndest things.

mrblifil May 29, 2012 at 10:24 pm

Still and all, it was very sporting of him to have invented the internet and whatnot.

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Mitt's work on the whatnot has never been fully appreciated by his fellow conservativeatrons, maybe because it was done with immigrant labor.

ttommyunger May 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Halperin:…"Not in the eyes, Mitt, not in the eyes…"

Buckminster May 29, 2012 at 10:42 pm

:Good Lord. I have worked in the blessed "Private Sector" for 35+ years, both as an employee and as a business owner. This guy knows less than my cat about the concerns of business….at least small business. He says things that just make business people cringe.

unclejeems May 30, 2012 at 2:10 am

I have two cats. Who'd have thought that there's twice as much business acumen running around the house and crapping in a litter box–than it takes to be a Republican presidential candidate. Food goes in one end, generates business acumen, crap goes out the other end. Who can explain it.

NYNYNYjr May 29, 2012 at 10:45 pm

'The President’s experience has been exclusively in politics and as a community organizer.'

He also edited Harvard Law Review (not actually a job true) and taught constitutional law at a not-as-nice-as-Liberty-University but pretty good school…and worked as a lawyer (like all politicians) and wrote books (like all politicians)

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Maybe your level of snark is over my head, but editing the Harvard Law Review isn't a "true" job? I was the assistant editor of a lowly land grant college newspaper, and not only thought of that as being a "real" gig, but learned a great deal from it, all the while having to keep up with my regular studies and work study. As for the president's books, they're much better written and thought through, especially his first one, "Dreams from My Father," than any others I've ever read by lawyers, politicians, and presidents, and I've read 'em all.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm

It's not "private sector" is what I think NYNYNYjr is getting at.

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 11:21 pm

We NYers know that after Columbia, Mr. Obama worked here in town. As a very long-time legal word processor, I've sometimes wondered if I worked with Mr. Obama during a closing at some temp gig.

Buckminster May 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

And, of course, in Montana we have such a stellar record of cleanup of mining waste, both from 100 + years ago in Butte and with the coal mining in the eastern part of the state. Oh, and the irresponsible oil-boom fracking, which is sure to be another nightmare waiting to happen. Idiots.

C_R_Eature May 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

Mitt Romney's Campaign Theme Song.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 11:00 pm

OT: Everyone's favourite Wisconsin weasel-impersonator has raised $31M, since he's not bound by election limits of donations, whilst his opponent is limited.

Republican Gov. Scott Walker has raised about $31 million since he took office 17 months ago, including a remarkable $5.9 million in the last five weeks reported to Wisconsin regulators Tuesday.

Barrett, who was bound to fundraising limits of no more than $10,000 from any one donor, reported an impressive $3.4 million over the past five weeks. He raised about $4.2 million since joining the race at the end of March and had $1.5 million cash on hand.

How does that work exactly? The incumbent union-busting shitheel, even in the midst of a recall election, gets to raise however much he wants but the challenger doesn't?

Free-est country in the world my hairy arse.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 12:26 am

Loophole in Sconnie election law that predates scottweasel. There are a lot of laws, everywhere, that contain surprises when they deal with events that aren't actually expected to happen.

Maybe this one came because the folks who wrote the law wanted to make recall hard to do (a sentiment I share as a current Californian), or maybe they just didn't envision a future filled with the fucking Koch brothers.

It's still down to turnout.

MilwaukeeKent May 30, 2012 at 1:59 am

I might be wrong, but I think limits applied for Walker once Barrett won the primary, but previous to that there were no limits. 31 million might not buy a vote, or damn few of them anyway. With 4% undecided might as well say that's 4% who will sit out the election, meanwhile the Dems have a huge GOTV effort going on in the poorest areas of Milwaukee, the lowest turn-out areas, the least likely to vote. They're getting people to the polls. There it's people who should vote but usually don't, because politics seem like the farthest thing from their day-to-day lives. The edge the GOP has had here is in the outer ring of Milwaukee suburbs, 7-14k votes. I think it's been amply countered. June 5th is the tell.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 2:13 am

I grew up in Shorewood, so Imma hope that the fine folks in Milwaukee and Mad City will haul their butts to the polls and terminate this weasel. I agree that this won't be decided by eleventy-million dollars of carpet-advertising, but by GOTV, mostly in Milwaukee. Your comment gives me hope.

Dashboard Buddha May 29, 2012 at 11:10 pm

Let's take this a step farther. You can't send young Americans into harm's way unless you have served in the military.

flamingpdog May 29, 2012 at 11:51 pm

In harm's way yourself, not at a desk stateside.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 11:54 pm

That would still exclude any women, since they can't be frontline troops.

flamingpdog May 30, 2012 at 1:17 am

They could still be in harm's way. Soldiers were/are in harm's way just walking down the street in Iraq and Afghanistan. Women can fly planes/helicopters now, and perform tasks near the front.

But, snark off, I don't think you have to have served in the military to appreciate the fact that you don't just send people out to be killed, mangled, and PTSDed on a megalomanical whim or to financially reimburse the company you nearly led to bankruptcy.

thatsitfortheother1 May 30, 2012 at 5:23 am

Just ground forces. Air Force has had female fighter/bomer pilots for years. Navy too, I think.

Wile E. Quixote May 30, 2012 at 2:23 am

Oh, the Heinlein rule. Off of the top of my head in the last 100 years we would have been spared the presidencies of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney (Cheney would not be eligible to be VP since he never served in the military). Bill Clinton, Ronald Reagan (serving in Hollywood doesn't count), Franklin D. Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, Calvin Coolidge, Warren G. Harding, Woodrow Wilson (one of the worst presidents of the 20th century, he was the prototype for today's racist, interventionist, neoconservatives) and William Howard Taft (Chris Christie is a lot like Taft, if Taft had been stupid and corrupt as well as being fat). Oh, and every single Republican candidate except Rick Perry and Ron Paul would have been ineligible in 2012.

Dashboard Buddha May 30, 2012 at 10:57 am

Exactly —

SexySmurf May 29, 2012 at 11:13 pm

My policy on energy is to…make America the largest energy producer in the world.

We already are and have been for decades. But I'm sure Mittens thought of it first.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 11:30 pm

He'll take credit for it, anyway.

I believe you're thinking about generation. When he talks about "energy producer", he probably means oil and gas drilling. It'll fly over the pointy heads of most of the electorate who will also think "generation for BUSINESS and JERBS" but it really means "rape the shit out of everything to get more oil and gas"

imissopus May 29, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Well, don't know why that was deleted, I was trying to post this link:
http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/05/blitzer-find

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 29, 2012 at 11:46 pm

Sad to say I actually watched that live today.

Wolf 'dipshit' Blitzer: You're starting to sound ridiculous

Trump: I know you are, but what am I?

There was another precious bit where Blitzer asked Trump to comment on George Will (a conservative) calling Trump a "bloviating ignoramus" to which Trump replied "I don't think George Will is very smart"

Between that and Trump attempting to browbeat Blitzer about CNN's viewing figures, it makes Trump look like what he is: a bloviating ignoramus.

imissopus May 30, 2012 at 12:19 am

I was going to give Blitzer credit for keeping a straight face through the whole thing, but then I remembered CNN should not be giving airtime to the bloviating ignoramus in the first place.

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 3:36 am

That's what I don't quite understand. I watched it, and my first thing was "why do they keep inviting him on the network to say something they know he won't say?" I mean, I know the answer, but I don't give Wolf any credit for his very soft reprimand. Even the reprimand was half-assed (i.e. "you're starting to sound.").

pinkocommi May 29, 2012 at 11:39 pm

I would like a constitutional amendment requiring presidential candidates to have had to raise a family on a minimum wage job with no health care benefits.

Buckminster May 30, 2012 at 12:07 am

That would restrict the field to real people, not imaginary stuffed animals. How can you be so unfair? *turns off the snark button*

TribecaMike May 29, 2012 at 11:45 pm

If you haven't been fired or "layed off" (pardon the redundancy) at least half a dozen times by the age of forty, you're not a true, nor average, American.

Buckminster May 30, 2012 at 12:09 am

The best thing to happen to a thinking human is to be fired and to either go to work for someone who fights with your old employer, work for yourself and take on your old employer, or, like some of us, just take their money and kick them in the azz every chance we can.

TribecaMike May 30, 2012 at 12:12 am

Indeed and agreed, Buckminster. As Mr. Dylan wrote and sang, "there's no success like failure, and failure's no success at all."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiMbTV0gd1g

Though I somewhat disagree with the second half of that. You learn a whole lot more from getting your arse whooped than from getting something handed to you on a silverplated platter (like I would know anything about the latter).

George Skullfry May 29, 2012 at 11:51 pm

Unless one extended the definition of "business" to include seasonal halibut-clubbing, it would also insulate us from the possibility of a Snowbilly Presidency. And, come to think of it, would have significantly shortened the Republican debate season this year.

I don't even want to think about how Washington or Jefferson (e.g.) would have responded to the notion that they should have spent some years "in business". Of course, we might have had President Franklin.

LetUsBray May 30, 2012 at 12:03 am

I'd like to have a provision in the constitution than anyone running for or holding public office is presumed to be under oath when making any sort of public statement.

That would disqualify the unholy fucking shit outta Willard, wouldn't it?

radio-of-owls May 30, 2012 at 12:11 am

Call me when the Age of Neo-Custerwolfism has ended.

imissopus May 30, 2012 at 12:17 am

Has someone been reading through the weekend's threads?

CapnRadio May 30, 2012 at 2:38 am

At least the original movement had the decency to burn brightly, annoy massively, and get banhammered mercilessly. I'm a-skeered that Neo-Custerwolfism is entrenched policy.

C_R_Eature May 30, 2012 at 6:27 am

And there were Breasts. Don't forget the Breasts.

not that Radio May 30, 2012 at 8:25 am

I'll see you in the cornfield.

Mumbletypeg May 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

Somehow I'm finding organizational detail from my g-mail account settings strangely applicable* for unwanted interference. For the time being, anyway.

*ETA: FFS, photobucket, cantcha let a gal include her captions with her tacky cropped art'shoppery? Sheesh.

not that Radio May 30, 2012 at 12:04 pm

Why didn't I think of that? It's elegant in its simplicity.

CapnRadio June 2, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Is there room for a sympathizer in yours and owls' backthread fomentations?

Mumbletypeg June 2, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Greetings Capn! FYI I just got another letter from Radiotherapy. It is my 3rd from him where he is spending time in rehab as you're aware (of the rehab, perhaps you weren't aware we'd been writing — I've met him & his bride-Radioette several times & consider them friends).
He has limited internet while thus immersed, and so wonkette is off his radar except when I brief him as with screenshots, printed of some comments I found "Winning" so he can stay entertained and appreciative of us. The screen shot I sent him of your Kenneth Burke rendition some weeks ago went to him in my last letter. His letter received today? The first enTIRE paragraph was the equivalent of what George Burns described (in Goodnight, Gracie his memoir) of buddy Jack Benny "pounding the floor." Radio carried on how brilliant it was and it so perfectly captured the wonkette mystique that it got him craving snark all over again, just when he thought he'd mastered withdrawal. (need to cut this short or intensedebate will flush it down before it even appears)~

not that Radio June 3, 2012 at 9:11 am

Absolutely — C'mon in. Owls will be off for a few days, but I can get messages to him in the meantime. Enable email notifications in your profile, if you have not done so already.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 12:34 am

Oh, and like probably 30% of the commenters here, I worked in "private business" for well over 25 years*; and like probably 80%, I can read a balance sheet (the least informative financial document, unless you're looking for fraud), so can we all haz President naow?

* I'm sure well over 30% have worked in "private business", but a lot of you are too fucking young to have done it for 25 years.

Guppy May 30, 2012 at 12:50 am

With the success rate of small businesses in the US being about the same as the success rate of heterosexual marriages, how does that qualify one to deregulate the fuck out of large businesses?

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 2:57 am

I might kvetch about your comment on small-biz success rate — that's why they call it "entrepreneurship". It's risky.

More to the point, Rmoney wasn't involved in a small business, or really in what I would call "business" at all. He was a fucking vulture capitalist (or, more politely, a "financier"). I've seen no indication that he knows fuck all about actually running an enterprise (except maybe for his private equity company, which is a "business" in the same way a law firm is).

I spent my life in middle management. I also know a few turnaround artists, who are the kind of people that something like Bain Capital would employ to actually manage the businesses they were saving and/or gutting. The ones I know are really good businesspeople. They can not only read a balance sheet, and many other accounting instruments, but they actually understand that their decisions sometimes affect some of the employees they've inherited in a bad way.

They can even feel bad about it. They generally justify their actions to themselves by noting that the shit was gonna inevitably hit the fan, and their decisions made it happen sooner, but less widespread. Often, I agree.

I think I'm digressing. My point is that these turnaround guys have something like a 40,000 foot view of the situation. They're not the ones actually giving the layoff notices (although they may do the plant closures), but they can see the effects, fed back through their subordinates.

By contrast, Rmoney and his ilk have a Low Earth Orbit view. They're totally detached from any contact with individual human beings who may be affected by their machinations. It's all just numbers on a balance sheet. To them, "running a business" is just twisting some dials on a business machine.

Aside: I'm also acquainted with a few Sand Hill Road type VCs, and I'd like to make the following distinction: It is true that for many of them, their only practical business-running experience was a single big tech hit, and for others it's just inherited money. However, the game they"re in is funding startups. Everybody in a startup knows that the deal is: we could get rich, or this can fall apart. It's better odds than the lottery. I tend to give a pass to startup investors.

Note: That wouldn't be Bain Capital.

EDIT: Shit, that ran on didn't it? Even I think it's tl.

Guppy May 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I might kvetch about your comment on small-biz success rate — that's why they call it "entrepreneurship". It's risky.

True, but nobody ever ran on a platform of "I have a long trail of failed business ventures behind me" and won. Even Trump had the good sense to GTFO.

rickmaci May 30, 2012 at 12:53 am

Appreciate the detailed dissection of the NYT piece, however, let's be honest with each other about this. Romoney's campaign pitch can be summed up in 3 words.

"Not the n*****."

That's all he offers. Which is why his campaign is so obviously morally bankrupt.

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 3:00 am

Actually, I don't think the Rmoney campaign has even gotten that cohesive. It's more like a bunch of pointers to other people who are willing to say "not the n******".

misanthrope May 30, 2012 at 1:03 am

This whole pseudemocracy is growing very boring, I say the next president should be chosen by way of a Big Brother/Survivor/Real World/Apprentice blowout live from the MGM in VEGA$ hosted by KE$HA!! Text your vote to AMERICA4U! In an ideal world Gordon Ramsey would be choosing the next White House chef in a Hell's Kitchen DC simulcast kinda scene.

LionHeartSoyDog May 30, 2012 at 1:04 am

I think it's obvious that the Repugs are nowhere in 2012, and they know it, and are just sucking up valuable oxygen.
The thing is, they are saboteurs, and the "opposition" is all to willing to let them have their way.

TribecaMike May 30, 2012 at 1:20 am

Did Mitt say "firing people" or "frying people"? From what we know of his background, he seems to prefer parboiling.

Generation[redacted] May 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

He's just grateful that voters are giving him the opportunity To Serve Man

SayItWithWookies May 30, 2012 at 1:32 am

Three years — that's all? It seems particularly liberal to decide that a person is qualified to run the country if he hasn't kicked some poor malingering community organizers out of the boat, or at least helped to make sure that only the best people ever get to play the game and the worst, darkest, less well-known people get shoved off into the outer darkness where there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Really, what's heaven if it doesn't have a view of hell?

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 3:16 am

Regarding your last sentence, ain't that the truth? One of the things that eventually put me off religion was realizing that far more than half the attractiveness of Heaven was being able to go "neener, neener" at the poor assholes in Hell.

The Afterlife as middle school pretty well did it for me.

ElPinche May 30, 2012 at 1:47 am

I can't figure out if Mittens is "Lord Snot" or Kendal Mintcake.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxA0a5G6ccg

heathenette May 30, 2012 at 1:53 am

Yeah everyone running for President should know how to run a business…into the ground, so they can do the same thing and run the COUNTRY into the ground. That’s just a splendid idea, Mitt.

Callyson May 30, 2012 at 2:08 am

Yeah, well, I'd like to add a provision to business law that says that business executives have to spend three years as a working stiff before assuming positions of responsibility over other human beings…

MilwaukeeKent May 30, 2012 at 2:31 am

There's that old wonderful "If only government functioned more like a business", which would mean maximizing revenue (taxes, etc.) if you drill down to it. Why, the business I worked for had to rebuild three Interstate bridges just last week, wind down a couple-three foreign wars and address four catastrophic natural disasters. Why can't government be more like that? These are the kinds of issues Linda and I talk about at the kitchen table, the hurricane in the herb garden, the effect of Pakistan in the basement workroom…

Wile E. Quixote May 30, 2012 at 2:41 am

I'd like a Constitutional amendment that says that the president can't have been a missionary in France or wear any kind of underwear except boxer shorts, panties and/or bras. This would disqualify Mittens of course, however allowing Presidential candidates to wear bras and panties would mean that Hillary Clinton, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio and Lindsey Graham would still be eligible.

thatsitfortheother1 May 30, 2012 at 5:32 am

Michele's husband, too.

George Skullfry June 1, 2012 at 1:25 am

Whighty tighty LIBEL!!!!!!111!!!!!!

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 2:46 am

This one time, a vulture capitalist camp…

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 2:49 am

He does, however, know that he has two of the most important qualifications there are.

Perhaps he has those two, but he only needs these two: he's white and he's a Republican. That gets you more than half-way most of the time.

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 3:14 am

That will bring back manufacturing of certain high energy intensive industries. It’ll bring back jobs. It’ll create a surprising economic revitalization of this country.

Okay, this is a damned lie. I live in a state with multiple urban areas, many of which are smaller than they once were or just started shrinking, and they've got cheap energy to spare up the wazoo, and companies still have to be enticed to locate here. If it was simply about cheap energy and existing manufacturing infrastructure, my state wouldn't be dotted with the ruins of factories.

Now, I know of a local company that said that they decided not to relocate because of our utility's cheap energy, but the truth is that this nation isn't hurting for energy production, and if anything, we shouldn't be building energy infrastructure for its own sake. If anything, we should be cutting capacity of dirty energy, which is actually kind of happening on its own.

BTW, notice how he never answers a question directly? Fuckin' slimeball "businessman."

George Skullfry May 30, 2012 at 3:53 am

It isn't only a damned lie, it's devoid of content. It's not even an honest lie.

"Certain high energy intensive industries". What the fuck does that mean? Well, let's think.

Semiconductors, biotech, IT?: these are notably NOT energy intensive.

Services (retail, boiler rooms, medical/dental, lawyers, fast food, slightly less fast food): not very energy intensive.

Financial services (e.g., Bain Capital): fucking haha.

Chemical or pharmeceutical processing: mostly catalyst driven, possibly some modest energy consumption

Transport: Undoubtedly energy-intensive, but it's not manufacturing, is it?

This pretty much leaves us with metals (mostly steel) manufacturing as the "certain high energy intensive industries". And here we have an inadvertent example of how Rmoney couldn't manage his way out of a fucking paper bag.

The reason the US steel industry collapsed was not the price of electricity. Partly, it was tariffs (which are political, sure, but not related to the price of energy), and partly it was the slowness of the US industry to adjust to the changing requirements of its global customers (a slowness not confined to the steel industry). But nobody ever considered the price of energy to be a major factor; hence, no change in the price of energy will change anything by itself.

If electricity was goddam FREE, it wouldn't resurrect the US steel industry, unless the industry changed its policies to be more agile and responsive to customer needs. And if they did that, they wouldn't fucking need free electricity.

Negropolis May 30, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Well, locally, there is a large server company, here, and they use a lot of energy.

George Skullfry June 1, 2012 at 1:20 am

I hadn't thought of that, although I doubt that's one of the "certain industries" on Mitt's mind. Good point, though. I suppose the vast majority of a server farm's expense line is depreciation and electricity. Thank you for that.

Semi-relatedly, I should clarify one of my above remarks. Semiconductor manufacturing (where I spent my career) uses a shitload of electricity, but I still consider it non-energy-intensive because the cost of the energy is trivial compared to the cost of the capital equipment.

PuglyDoRight May 30, 2012 at 6:17 am

What the Mittbot is trying to say is, without his destroying all those companies, organizers like Barack Obama wouldn't have jobs. See? Job creation!!!

But I guess Barack Obama's first job out of college, working for an economics publication, doesn't count. And writing books. And teaching.

C_R_Eature May 30, 2012 at 7:10 am

Goodby, Doc Watson.

George Skullfry June 1, 2012 at 1:22 am

Oh, fuck.

C_R_Eature June 1, 2012 at 8:14 am

I know. Sad.
I saw him at a Christmas concert in Baltimore years ago. He was old, blind, led onstage by his guitarist friend and just an absolutely awesome musician. Funny and relaxed. Told stories and jokes, too and everyone in the audience stood for the ovation.

Beowoof May 30, 2012 at 8:26 am

As with many of the folks I worked with in business, he learned to be a great big asshole. A role in life at which he excels.

sullivanst May 30, 2012 at 8:56 am

The President’s experience has been exclusively in politics and as a community organizer.

Of COURSE Mitt's lying again. Obama's resumé includes three years (yes, that number) as an associate at Davis, Miner, Barnhill and Galland and twelve years teaching at University of Chicago Law School (eight years as Senior Lecturer).

Mitt naturally has to lie away these things because they remind people that Obama's not stupid like the fuckwits on the right like to dream he is. Oh yes, and because Mitt's a compulsive liar.

BlueStateLibel May 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

Basically then we should have CPAs running the country – the most narrow-minded, uninformed, un-curious-about-how-the-world-works people I've ever met.

Pseudonymously_Joe May 29, 2012 at 11:20 pm

That hilarity is exactly why it's important to also note that that law gave retroactive citizenship to children born in the Zone, several prior to the law's passage, just to be extra-confusing.

George Skullfry May 29, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Especially because of the "no ex post facto law" thingy in the ol' Constitution.

MittBorg May 30, 2012 at 6:40 pm

We're in Number Two.

CapnRadio June 3, 2012 at 2:22 am

I am humbled. Truly. Please pass along my very best of wishes. Thank you for being a stalwart conduit, .mpeg.

CapnRadio June 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Done and done. I expect a communique from Jean Moulin any day now.

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