ElitistSpeaking of public education and third world countries, guess where YOUR tax dollars are going? A) to public universities, which will give all Americans access to an affordable college education for the enrichment of all, B) to private, for-profit colleges universities, so Poors, seduced by pictures of cute girls studying in pajama bottoms can pay twice what they would pay at a public university for the privilege of graduating at a rate of 22% and defaulting on their student loans or C) none of the above; you are part of the 49.5% of Americans who do not pay income tax because you prefer to suck on the government’s teat.

If you guessed B) (and possibly C), well then, winner winner chicken dinner! According to the commie-liberal government-handout-taking pinko “news” outlet PBS:

While state and local governments cut back funding to public higher education institutions, the volume of federal government subsidies to for-profit colleges and universities continues to increase, reports Floyd Norris in today’s The New York Times. And community colleges — which, as we reported two years ago in College Inc., were already struggling to keep up with the number of students who want to take classes — are facing some of the most severe cutbacks.

Of course, BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA is responding to this by stifling the free market in all of its glory through the imposition of red tape, regulations, and bureaucracy, as is his wont, requiring that for-profit schools meet at least one of three requirements to continue qualifying for federal aid:

  • At least 35 percent of former students must be repaying their loans, reducing the loan balance by at least one dollar.
  • A typical graduate’s estimated annual loan payment cannot exceed 30 percent of their income, or
  • A typical graduate’s estimated annual loan payment cannot exceed 12 percent of their earnings.

Predictably, the the Association of Private Sector Colleges and Universities, has sued to block the new rules, arguing that we are in a post-job economy arguing that the Department of Education “exceeded its statutory authority” with the gainful employment regulations.

The good news, dear readers, is that they can expect their students to make enough money to pay down their student loan balance by a whole dollar. [PBS]

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  • nounverb911

    Are they issuing vouchers to Cranbrook?

  • MrFizzy

    Fuck education – we have missions to accomplish.

    • nounverb911

      I'll take Mormon missions to Paris for $10,000 Alex.

      • Fuck Paris. A mission to Whore Island.

        • Dangerous place. I'd better go in first.

          No! Don't try to talk me out of it! I'm taking one for the team.

    • I thought the Bush Doctrine meant we now did that by hanging up a banner.

  • Socialize Public Education????


    That means tax payer funding!

  • Speaking of greedy cunts and shitty for-profit colleges, is Brisdull still trying to enroll into University of Phoenix?

  • Barb

    More money for books, weed, raisins and the great smell of Brut. Where is the Registrar's office?

    • Raisins?

      It's ramen noodles now.

      • Barb

        “I open the door that Barack keeps closed to his room and enter in a warm, private space pervaded by a mixture of smells that so strongly speak of his presence, his liveliness, his habits — running sweat, Brut spray deodorant, smoking, eating raisins, sleeping, breathing,”

        ex girlfriend

  • nounverb911

    Needs more $87 edjicashuns.

  • edgydrifter

    At first glance, I thought Obama was going to sodomize education. Now I feel let down.

    • CapnRadio

      Don't feel down; go down!

    • Mahousu

      Wonkette traditions – nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.

  • JudasPeckerwood

    Clearly public universities have failed in the cute-girls-studying-in-pajama-bottoms department. Can't government do ANYTHING right?

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, how dare government prevent the for-profit scam colleges from ripping off the naive who don't realize that a degree from the University of Phoenix isn't worth the paper it's printed on?

    • Dildeaux

      Lurve ya bot, but I work at a college in the midwest. I was shocked to learn of a program director who received her PhD from UoP. It took her 3 years. Meanwhile, other faculty who are getting their PhDs from this university still have years to go before completion, so it appears that UoP diplomas, at least round heah, are solid.

  • Well items two & three of the financial qualifiers will make it tough for right brainers. Well there's always bidness skool, sciences, engineering, computers and similar areas of geekdom to choose from.

  • Not_So_Much

    Today, we are all broke-ass Phoenixes.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Having studied and worked in the for profit "educational" sector as well as the non-profit educational sector, I simply cannot muster any snark when discussing the thieves who populate the ranks of the former.

    Along with Payday Loan agencies, the For Profit "Educational" sector is exhibit A in the way that the despicable, soulless 1% continually ass-rape the bottom 20% of our society.

    When the revolution comes (probably never, alas) I should like to see the owners of these criminal enterprises in stocks, so that their victims can throw shit at their faces until it's impossible to determine where the criminal ends then the shit begins.

    • lowaltflier

      Is that you Robert?

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Yup. I taught for a couple years at an institution that will remain unnamed (rhymes with Hi-Hee-Hee Heck), and was astonished to see so many marginally qualified students paying so much to take English 101 over and over again. And the credits don't even transfer!

    • OldWhiteLies

      And it isn't just as simple as for profit, once around.

      You "gradjiate" from said "institutions" to discover your "diploma" has the value of thrice used tp. So one perhaps returns to said "institution" to complain, and one is told "Well, if you just take these other courses …" which translates to even more muneez (NEEDZ MOAR LOANZ). Well you see where this is going. And I've only described one circular-indebtedness-increasing scenario.

    • Given how full of shit these fine upstanding pilla(ge)rs of society are, I thought that was already the case. At least, *I* have difficulty telling the difference between the criminal and the shit it spews most times.

  • Ruhe

    I've asked this before but I'll ask again…are the student loans being commodified yet? As with the housing bubble, what will drive this whole pissing match is not any real argument about the quality of these for-profit schools or their place in the "free" market but rather it will be the value of the paper…the loans… bundled, chopped and sold.

    • MissTaken

      Yes, they are called SLABS (student loan asset backed securities). Expect to hear about them collapsing in the not too distant future since they are not being paid back.

      This is why the above is being considered.

      • SorosBot

        Yeah, time for another bubble to burst and the economy to tank! Soon no one who wasn't born into wealth will have jobs. One might almost expect it was planned that way…

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        It'll be like World War I all over again–Tranche warfare in the Battle of the Sum.

        • I find this aMeuseing….

          • Doktor StrangeZoom

            Though perhaps the analogy is oVerdun…

      • Ruhe

        And obviously it is the real or implied government guarantee of those loans that makes the securities marketable, yes? So when the bubble pops the republican response will, as with the housing bubble, be to blame the people who took out the loans and the misguided liberal notion that everyone should have access to education/home ownership.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Eek, wait, hang on .. [does some research] … uh oh.

        These SLABs are most issued by Sallie Mae (not another one!).

        Let's say there were some kindly bankers trading these things. These friendly, smiling bankers have political clout and pay lots of money to Republicans in congress in an attempt to pass legislation for more private learning insitutions = more dumbass students taking loans from for-profit student loan companies (backstopped by the Fed) = more money for for-proft colleges.

        So when this entire house of cards turns into (as it certainly will) a howling death-maelstrom of financial fuckage, who gets left holding the bag?

        Oh, us? Surprising.

      • James Michael Curley

        And SLABS exist because W let Sallie Mae go private and the first thing they did is sack the poor performers and sell them back to the DOE.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I did some work on a massive civil case involving student loan servicing; all of the involved parties were concerned with a) gimme my money, and b) how to keep investors interested – people who had zero interest in the students whose loans they were trading like bubble gum cards and Countrywide mortgages.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Cute girls in pajamas? sucking on the governments teat? defaulting on student loans?

    Sign me up, educators!

    • See, right away, you'd flunk out: it's "edumacators"

      • Mittens Howell, III

        My pajama pants were too tight, can I take the test again?

  • MissTaken

    ♫ Western Career College
    YOU Can't Do It! ♫

  • BaldarTFlagass

    All this school talk has me reminiscing about my freewheeling carefree college days.

    • whiterabid

      I've seen that somewhere before. On a bagel?

    • Chichikovovich

      Damn, I knew I should have gone to Madras Tech. Even though the only major they offered was flood control engineering. You hydrologists know how to party.

      • More likely Mumbai than Chennai, dude. That is the immortal Mohammed Rafi featured with one of the leading bands of the Mumbai jazz scene of the '50s, I bleev.

        • Chichikovovich

          Thanks – some quality information there, and that's always welcome.

          I picked "Madras Tech" more for the "hydrologist" connection with Baldar rather than a conjecture about the singer. A couple of friends of mine who taught in a school in Andhra Pradesh said that many of their students went to the University of Madras in Chennai to study at (what I'm told is, or at least was) an exceptional flood control engineering program. I switched from "University of Madras" to "Madras Tech" (which I assume doesn't exist) because it fit better with the engineering motif. And "Madras" rather than "Chennai" because the clip is from back in time, plus University of Madras still keeps that name.

          As you can see, I often think too much composing throwaway Wonkette posts.

          • Oh, Chichikovovich, fount of much arcane wisdom! Never for one second would I have accused you of not knowing all the niceties of the Madras/Chennai connection with regard to the University! Your store of recondite information amazes even me, although the information in my trove tends to dismissible as trivia for the most part.

            No, I merely wanted to share what little I know about that particular clip with you. Mohammed Rafi was, in his time, one of the brightest stars of Bollywood. I'm not big on Bollywood music, but if that isn't the ass-shakingest dance on the planet, my name is not MittBorg (which it often isn't, but that's another story).

            But the fact that you put so much thought into a mere throwaway Wonketz post is part of your inimitable charm, my friend.

        • Chichikovovich

          By the way, what does "Jan Pehchan Ho" mean? Is the language Urdu or some more local dialect?

          • It's Hindi, although Bombay Hindi has a lot of Urdu words in it. Which is why the Shudh (pure) Hindi movement, which I think will go the way of the French and Indonesian attempts to keep foreign words out of their language.

            Roughly translated, Jan Pehechaan Ho means "Let's get acquainted," or let's get to know each other.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      That is a fucking fantastic clip!

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Sure brightens my day.

        • Chichikovovich

          Damn straight! I've just listened to it for the fourth time, and I'm forcing myself to stop because I don't want to get sick of it too fast. Save it for when I really need a kick-start. Thanks!

          • cheetojeebus

            I got turned on to this one by a bollywood addict friend, very very cool.
            Put this one in your rotation too!

          • Interesting. Thanks!

          • I listen to it a couple times a week. If there's ANYONE who can sit on their butt without moving through that song, take their pulse and call the medics. Chances are they're dead, and just haven't realized it.

    • Guppy

      Cocaine's a hell of a drug!

  • Goonemeritus

    Skip those three rules and make the for profit schools hold the loans themselves. One would think they would be delighted to bet on the future success of their graduates.

    • Ruhe

      Best idea ever.

  • BarackMyWorld

    …you are part of the 49.5% of Americans who do not pay income tax because you prefer to suck on the government’s teat.

    Random thought, but can you imagine what life would have been like if Fox News was around during the Great Society? **shivers**

    • Chichikovovich

      Or worse: during the debates over the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The Jesse Helms show, with Lester Maddox and Strom Thurmond as guests.

      • whiterabid

        That's part of American greatness, is discrimination. Yes, sir. Inequality, I think, breeds freedom and gives a man opportunity.

        Lester Maddox

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      We'd still be in Vietnam and President-For-Life Wallace would be preparing to hand over power to his handpicked successor?

  • SorosBot

    That ad with the girl in the pajamas (pronounced puh-jah-muhz, NOT puh-jam-uhz) is ridiculous; she says "I'm going to class in my pajamas, because I'm going to school online!" like it's a big deal, when if you go to any real college campus you'll know that students go to real classes in their pajamas all the time.

    She is cute, though.

    • MissTaken

      Wrong. It is pa-JAM-uhz. Like House Party 2 Pajama Jammy Jam!

      • It's puh-yah-mahs, both of you. Get it right.

        • Generation[redacted]

          Rhymes with bananas, or the song doesn't work.

      • SorosBot

        Well has the correct pronunciation first, and the incorrect West Coast pronunciation second, so there!

        Still you do look cute in your pajamas.

        • MissTaken

          Quit being cute!

          • SorosBot

            Hee. And I don't think you could quit being cute, you cutie-pie.

          • *BARF*

          • I swear, those two NEED to get a room, and if they keep up the smoochy-wooching, I'm'a take up a collection for them.

    • I'd love to insure she attends her classes, if you know what I mean, and I think you do

      • She's working on her bachelors, that's for sure.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          This reminds me of the times I used to bone up on test materials before the exam.

  • Boy, I tell you what. College sure has changed since I went. Why, that young lady in her pajama bottoms is overdressed for studying, in my experience.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Owing more than you earn is the Amercian way, Obummer!

    Deficits don't matter, commie!

  • PubOption

    Waste of time clicking on the link, the girl was wearing a top as well as the pajama bottoms.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Keep dealing the cards, her luck can't hold up forever.

  • mavenmaven

    The for-profits would need to recruit more Chinese, but none of them are stupid enough to sign up…

  • Baconzgood

    seduced by pictures of cute girls studying in pajama bottoms

    I find that link easy to masterbate too.

    • MissTaken

      "I love learning new things in my pajamas."

      • Wait til I show you what you can learn out of them.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        MT, there are sooo many responses to this. But, I will be a gentleman.

        • Since when?

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Now. No, now. Uh, I mean, now. Uhhhhhh, now. Riiiiiight, now.

            Oh, fuck it.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    University of Phoenix? We should change the name of this country to the United States of Scam-erica.

    • Generation[redacted]

      You downloaded the new Mitt Romney iPhone app, didn't you?

  • Baconzgood

    I glad me already went to got my edumacation at smart making place.

  • Is that suave, handsome fellow at the top of the page some model from Diversity Stock Photos, Inc. for the Columbia or Harvard Law catalog? Or the hot new biracial Resident on "Grey's"? He's completely unrealistic as a real student!!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think that's a pic from the young men's clothing section of the Fall 1984 Sears Catalog.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "On my recent trip to Kenya, I found that my polyblend overcoat with geniune cotton flanel lining was a true asset. The bright red lining was especially fortuitous as it helped me wave off a charging rhino."

    • MissTaken

      I'd like to suck on his government teat, ifyouknowwhatimean and ithinkyoudo.

  • the Department of Education “exceeded its statutory authority” with the gainful employment regulations.

    Not to mention that their graduates don't get hired mostly because their school name on a resume only provides comic relief for the HR person who is reviewing it and filler for the wastebasket it gets filed in.

  • niblick77

    That darn Socialist Commie Kenyan Devil Worshiper will try to get away with anything.

  • Fairtackle

    I am a little confused. If as everybody knows so well, the private sector is always better than the government then why are we subsidizing for profit schools?

    lalala government can't do anything right lalala

  • CrunchyKnee

    For profit "colleges" are people too, my friends!

  • Dr_Zoidberg

    Why is Wonkette shouting at me today?

    • Guppy

      Why are you still hungover?

    • Because if that doesn't work, it's THE WHIP!!!

  • Baconzgood


  • Dildeaux

    Damn thats one scary blah dude in that pic. <shivers>

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Whachoo talkin bout? He looks just like my old pot dealer!

  • crybabyboehner

    "you prefer to suck on the government's teat" … So what, now you're knocking my hobbies ?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Graduates with no hope celebrate school completion while country burns

  • This is all just laying the groundwork for Newt and Sarah's Center for Kids Who Can't Grift Good, and Want To Learn From Other Con-Artist's Too

  • chascates

    Next time: let the friggin' banks and finance companies fail and write-off all the student loans.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    We don't need no education.

    We don't need no thought control.

    But some free government money for hookers and blow would be nice.

  • Fine, if everybody ELSE is going to go OT and discuss music — does anyone know where I can get my hands on jongara bushi music?

  • Tundra Grifter

    "…seduced by pictures of cute girls studying in pajama bottoms…"

    I'd tuck that.

  • Diabeetis

    Wake me up when "socialist" Obama allows graduates to declare bankruptcy on their student loan debt.

  • LadyWisdom

    The fake-college greedheads are near the front of the line for the guillotine when I become queen. They take advantage of people who don't know anything about the educational system. Most of their students could get a better education for much less money at a junior college. I'm so glad the Obama administration is taking some action.

  • ttommyunger

    Great system: loaning people money they can't pay back for an education they won't get so that they can find jobs that don't exist. Makes me glad I'm fucking old.

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