And so can you!Only another month or so until the great Supreme Court case of our time, Wingnuts vs. Concept of Health Care, comes to its anticlimactic or completely terrifying conclusion! Now, since there is a not-insignificant possibility that Justices Scalia et al. will drop the full-overturning, “I don’t see any problems with conservative mid-18th century conceptions of society” bomb, a nation of cracked-skull diabetic zombies will then turn to the Republican party for those long-awaited “replacement” solutions they’ve been working on for zero hours over the last few years. Same deal for President Romney tries to repeal it during his first hour in office. Will they go with the ol’ Republican uselessness/added destruction trifecta of tort reform, selling insurance across state lines, and health savings accounts? Eventually. For now, though, some Republicans are considering keeping the most popular parts of the bill — more free money for olds, letting youngs stay on their parents’ plans, and, uhh, keeping the guarantee on coverage for people with pre-existing conditions… somehow. This admission that some parts of ObamaCare are good things, however, is causing a schism in the party. Not one single verb or preposition in that bill is worth keeping!

Yes, all it took was for a couple of members of the party to raise the possibility of keeping a couple provisions of ObamaCare after its Supreme Court nuclear obliteration or 2013 “repeal” for the Club for Growth et al. to call them RINO sell-out space pussies from Hell. Via TPM:

Amid signs that Republicans are warming to some provisions of President Obama’s health care law, influential conservative groups are warning the GOP not to waver on their promise to repeal the measure in its entirety.

Conservative advocates are displeased that Republicans are privately weighing a replacement plan that involves reinstating popular elements of the health care law — including its coverage guarantee regardless of pre-existing conditions, the ability to remain on a parent’s plan until age 26 and provisions that close the Medicare “doughnut hole.”

FreedomWorks and Club for Growth, two powerful conservative interest groups that are fresh off of purging the Senate’s longest-serving Republican for insufficient fealty to the right, are flexing their muscles.

“The Club for Growth supports complete repeal of Obamacare. And complete doesn’t mean partial. It means complete,” said Barney Keller, a spokesman for the group. “We urge the so-called ‘tea party’ Republicans to keep their promises to voters and continue to fight for complete repeal as well.”

What we don’t get is… well, you tell us which one of these three is different than the others:

  • Closing the Donut Hole For Old People Drugs.
  • Letting twentysomethings with no job prospects ever mooch health care from their parents for a few more years.
  • Guaranteeing coverage for those with pre-existing conditions.

It’s that third one, see, that requires a comprehensive overhaul of the health insurance system if you’re going to do it. The Democrats who wrote this bill would have simply wrote “guarantee coverage for those with pre-exisiting conditions” and left it at that if such an idea was economically viable on its own. But it wasn’t, and so they had to craft the Rube Goldberg apparatus of mandates, exchanges, and subsidies to make it work.

But anyway, this will be their problem! Have fun.


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  • freakishlywrong

    Willard will be taking credit for HCAA probably within the day. Just like he took credit for Detroit. Pernicious asshole.

    • Terry

      The United Auto Workers seem very grateful to him for his saving Detroit.

  • hagajim

    Can we destroy it all and start over with a socialized system?

    • Limeylizzie

      You mean the whole country? Because I would be in favour of that.

      • sewollef

        And as a fellow Brit in this godforsaken plutocracy…. I too would welcome that. With arms akimbo.

  • SorosBot

    The Club for "Growth" won't be happy until only the rich and upper middle class are able to afford health care, and the rest of us are left to die should we get sick.

    • iburl

      Invisible hand bitch slap.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Why won't they just stick to their core business of selling hair plugs to vain older gentlemen?

      oh, wait…

    • Generation[redacted]

      The poor should be allowed to put whatever money they have into the health care system, to buy whatever meager treatments they can afford. Provided, of course, that the hospitals make a profit from these people, profits which can then be used to invest in life saving equipment only the rich can afford. Then the rich can say they have the best health care system in the world!

    • JustPixelz

      "… left to die…"

      Left to die on a bench outside the hospital in the richest nation on earth.

  • “I don’t see any problems with conservative mid-18th century conceptions of society”.

    Hey, if it was good enough for slave owning plutocrats it is good enough for me.

    • Generation[redacted]

      "Democrats see slave owning plutocrats and say, 'Nobody should live like that.' I see slave owning plutocrats and say, 'Everybody should live like this.'" –Mittens Romneyfeller

  • FakaktaSouth

    How bout, no pre-existing conditions, except for people in the Club For Growth? Those assholes truly are too fucking stupid to be helped at this point anyway.

    • poorgradstudent

      Well to be fair to people like the Koch brothers I can't really blame them for taking advantage when the sheep are dumb enough to elect them the shepherds and the nightwatchmen.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I thought they were just going with the , "If You Are Sick Hurry Up And Die Act of 2013."

    • pdiddycornchips

      How about the Final Solution?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Schisms can be positive for growth! Your move, Protestant Reformation.

  • this plan can fit on the Herman Cain 3 page limit:

    Kill Olds.
    Fuck Youngs.
    Marry Pre-Existing Conditions.

  • Chichikovovich

    Of course you can't have the pre-existing conditions bit without the mandate bit. That's why Romney put a mandate in Romneycare to begin with.

  • unclejeems

    Should the Supreme Court make that decision, then let them enforce it.

  • Callyson

    Dean Clancy, who leads health care advocacy for FreedomWorks, said the group “would be very concerned about bills to resurrect parts of Obamacare.”
    He said Republicans should take no responsibility for the broken system that would result.
    “It would be the height of folly for Republicans to say, OK, this is our problem now,” he said. “It’s not the Republicans’ fault if 25-year-old slackers suddenly are dropped from mom and dad’s health insurance policy. It’s not the Republicans’ fault if various other provisions of Obamacare are no longer on the books. … The American people need to have a chance to reflect on the fact that the Democrats basically rammed an unconstitutional bill down their throat.”

    So, the 2012 campaign is going to boil down to "It's not our fault…and it's not our problem. Vote for us!"


    • SorosBot

      And the assholes call young college graduates who can't get a job because the financial industry destroyed the economy "slackers". Fuck them, blaming the victims yet again.

      • Generation[redacted]

        Pull yerselves up by yer bootstraps! If you need chemo, you can borrow money from your parents and start a sandwich shop.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      So, the 2012 campaign is going to boil down to "It's not our fault…and it's not our problem. Vote for us!"

      And how is this different than any other Republican campaign for the last 40 years?

      • Callyson

        True, though they did try to cover things up with pretty rhetoric like “kinder, gentler nation” and “uniter, not a divider.”Yeah, maybe I prefer the more honest approach after all…

  • BaldarTFlagass

    “The Club for Growth supports complete repeal of Obamacare. And complete doesn’t mean partial. It means complete,” said Barney Keller, a spokesman for the group.

    Suck my dick, Barney.

  • Schmannnity

    My Lai Healthcare: We have to destroy it to save it.

    • Generation[redacted]

      The beauty of the My Lai battle plan was in its simplicity.

  • Goonemeritus

    This is an easy one, since prime productivity for the working class is between 20 and 40 years of age. If we went back to the healthcare available to our founding fathers we would trim all those later unproductive years. Obviously this doesn’t apply to the job creating class because they are a precious national resource and need to be kept alive even if it means harvesting the occasional organ from the leach class.

  • Schmannnity

    "Will they go with the ol’ Republican uselessness/added destruction trifecta of tort reform, selling insurance across state lines, and health savings accounts?"

    You forgot organ sales across state lines.

    • Piano sales across state lines will continue to be forbidden.

  • SorosBot

    If the Court does overturn health care reform, it won't even be a return to an mid-18th century conception of society; it would be turning to the aberration of the late 19th and early 20th century Lochner era, when Supreme Court ignored its own precedents and the plain language of the Constitution to overturn any regulations of commerce, by basically pulling bullshit arguments out of the justices' own asses.

    Dumping Lochner was not the radical change some idiots paint it as, but a reversion to pre-1890s status quo, under which the Article 1, Section 8 power to regulate commerce was seen as giving the Congress power to regulate commerce.

  • sharethegrief

    Club For Growth of Tumors.

  • memzilla

    The Rethuglican health care plan is to provide easy access to ice floes to float us Oldz on out to sea, like Eskimos, and to subsidize slavering wolf packs to eat us if we're inland.

    After all, if G-d had meant us to have universal health care, She would have made us immortal.

  • Republicans are coming to the same conclusion Hitler did at the end – the people are weak and really don't deserved to be saved. The strong ones have already fallen.

    Better for them to destroy America entirely than let the Democrats do it.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      The Solution

      After the Supreme Court overturned Obamacare 5-4
      The Head of the Club for Growth
      Wrote an editorial in the Wall Street Journal
      Stating that the American people
      Had forfeited the confidence of the job creators
      And could win it back only
      By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
      In that case for the job creators
      To dissolve the American people
      And purchase another?

  • Josef Mengele was a RHINO in this group's mind. I know, I know, play the scheizekopf card & you've lost the debate, but that is fact not rhetorical argument.

    • Schmannnity

      Free health screenings at the gate.

    • mrpuma2u

      Keine healthcare macht frei!

  • SayItWithWookies

    The repeal-and-replace plan is going into full swing — at long last this socialist plot will be wiped from our law books and the wise old teabaggers will do something to guarantee exactly the same amount of affordable coverage for everyone, but using the free market. So the fuckin' crazies will sit around a table and yell slogans at each other until the new healthcare bill includes:
    — concealed carry in hospitals;
    — abortions only after a ten week waiting period, an ultrasound, and giving the fetus a name picked by an innocent child out of a baby name book;
    — tax cuts for former corrupt owners of hospital chains if they're named Rick Scott;
    — free pray-the-gay-away clinic treatments, with exorcisms by Bobby Jindal.

    • TootsStansbury

      I wish this was snark.

  • mmpd

    When push comes to shove, I think the Repubs may keep some aspects of the ACA as window-dressing until they get to their nirvana of no insurance for anyone but the rich, via health savings accounts and no medicare or medicaid.

    The Repubs can leave young people up to age 26 on their parents' healthcare for now because most of them are healthy even if unemployed. They don't cost insurance companies much.

    The Repubs can also say that those with pre-existing chronic conditions must be accepted by insurance companies, but notice they are NOT saying those people will get the same rates as healthy people. That way they can claim they are giving coverage to those with chronic conditions, but those people would have to be filthy rich to be able to afford the premiums.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    So, what's the little red arrow pointing at, in the picture? Looks like a standard-issue little kid to me, but sometimes I'm slow on the uptake.

  • Ducksworthy

    I know what's driving up health care costs. Sick people. Malingerers. Get out of you hospital beds and get to work or die like Gawd intended. Slacker scum. Also, isn't Willard a High Priest of some sort? Can't he just pray cancer away?

  • – Abortions only after a 10 week waiting period AFTER BIRTH
    – Concealed carry by mental patients

    • sewollef

      "- Concealed carry by mental patients"

      Well, to deny that segment of society would be a clear breach of their constitutional rights, says Allen West.

  • Pragmatist2

    I say that they should destroy 50%. The math is much easier with round numbers

  • Can we start by destroying Health Care benefits for members of Congress?

  • Baconzgood

    Unrelated to this post.

    Fuck Department Director Dale is in my office all day. What the L is his problem? It looks like Baconz has to return to the office shenanigans, because he's taken too much of an interest in my productivity as of late. Time to install some deli meat in his air duct.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      It would seem to me that if the boss is hanging out in your office all day, that would probably have a negative effect on your productivity.

      • Baconzgood

        Every time he leaves my office, I've been answering calls "Baconz (actually my real name) and Monkey Boy's office. Hold on he's throwing his feces at the moment."

    • Oblios_Cap

      These bastards, too, have been making me work way too much for a person of my excellent learning and semi-advanced age.

      It's almost like they just don't care that it's beach season.

    • ElPinche

      Try tuna. The smell seems to stay contained and lasts longer. It went from "does my office smell?" to "I'll be working from my home office" in two weeks.

      • Baconzgood

        The little part of shrimp that you don't eat work well. Actually this is Department Director Dale Part II (his real name is Steve). The first Department Director Dale was shit canned about 6 weeks ago. They wanted me to take over but too much work for less money, so they hired Department Director Dale Part II. He's now running about trying to institute new policies which doesen't boad well with my entrenched ways. This results in mystery smells and strange German porn links e-mailed to everyone from his terminal.

  • Eve8Apples

    Can we take away the government funded mobility devices (Hoverounds) for the racist old teabaggers? If we make them immobile, they won't be showing up at political rallies and voting places to fuck up our elections.

  • SaintRond

    Why is it that just thinking about Americans dying in the gutter in the tens of millions because of lack of health care gives me an erection? Maybe it's because I find it a big turn on when people are happy and content and have everything they want.

    Or maybe I'm just a mean son of a bitch. I dunno.

    Peace… God bless…

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "Why is it that just thinking about Americans dying in the gutter in the tens of millions because of lack of health care gives me an erection?"

      To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a Republican!"

      • SaintRond

        I think I'm sometimes fed up that normal, decent human beings are in the majority, but they refuse to take advantage of the fact and allow these motherfuckers who support the GOP to call the shots.

        I'm still fuming that the American people allowed those Tea Baggers to win a landslide in 2010. And it was all so unnecessary – all the motherfuckers had to do was get off their fat asses and vote!!! FUCK!!!

        So yeah, sometimes I get off on their self inflicted suffering.

  • MissTaken

    Can we mandate that individuals use logic when making decisions? Because the pre-existing condition of derp derp is making my blood pressure rise.

    • BigSkullF*ckingDog

      You're infringing on my right to be an unrepentant idiot. FREEDUMZ!

    • sewollef

      You can mandate all you want MissT… I'm thinking most of 'em can't spell 'mandate' and would therefore assume it was foreign and of course socialist.

      Wait, they've done that already, right?

  • BarackMyWorld

    Excellent writing, Newell. No snark.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I hate to break it to you guys but we won't be needing healthcare here shortly. Some guy in Florida just got shot trying to eat another guys face off which is exactly how every zombie apocalypse starts. By next week the smartest among us will be boarded up inside malls.

    I for one am excited to put my vast knowledge of zombie survival to good use.

    • ElPinche

      Me too. My machete NEVER runs out of bullets.

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I just really hope they're slow, shuffling zombies cause my cardio ain't what it used to be.

  • metamarcisf

    If the GOP/Teabagger collective goatfuck had any guts, they'd simply pass a bill outlawing any and all pre-existing conditions. But they won't because such a law might be unconstitutional.

  • mrpuma2u

    Conservative health care policy in a nutshell:

    "If they would rather die," said Scrooge " they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population

  • Oh, sure, the Club for Growth is taking a hard line now, but just wait until "stupid asshole" is declared a pre-existing condition, and watch them sing a different tune.

  • Not_So_Much

    I thought the GOP's healthcare plan for the Poorz was just Soylent Green and Brawndo?

  • owhatever

    Please donate to my campaign to be appointed to my local Republican-run Death Panel. If you don't, and I see your name, you ain't getting so much as an aspirin.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "GOP In Disarray Over Just How Much Of American Health Care System To Destroy"

    "Is there some way to just get rid of the parts that don't directly benefit me and my immediate family? Oh, and the parts that benefit poors and minorities."

  • Since RomneyCare with its mandate is constitutional, the answer is real simple. Pass a law making Medicaid money available only to states with a universal mandate. Easy peasy. Where do I pick up my award for saving health care?

  • proudgrampa

    If you won't stop the planet so I can get off, will you at least let me move to a country with decent health care for its residents? Sweden, Canada, I don't really care.

  • Beowoof

    Republican for insufficient fealty to the right;

    Republican for insufficient fellation to the right

    There fixed.

  • Beowoof

    I do believe the only plan the Club for Growth has for the poors is to shut up and die quickly. (With credit to Alan Grayson).

  • DaSandman

    The terrorists are replacing The Affordable Health Care Act with their new program Just Walk It Off, Bitch

  • mavenmaven

    The important part of the GOP program is to ensure profits for the insurance companies. The rest of their plan is, more or less, go f#$% off and die and take your kenyans with you.

  • It's a GOPer Catch-22. Suck up to the 1%er sleazebags or listen to their base.

    Couldn't happen to a bunch of more well deserving pricks.

  • Schmegeg

    "Club for Growth" Somebody should form a group to duke it out with these assholes. Something with "Soviet" in the name.

  • pinkocommi

    I wish all the Teatards who want to live in a world where you are completely on your own with no help from the government would realize that their idyll exists in many parts of the world like Sierra Leone and just move there and see how much they like it.

    • pdiddycornchips

      I for one am tired of paying for their Hoverounds. Shiftless layabouts.

  • fuflans


    we really can't have nice things can we?

  • Baconzgood

    I have lunch with the most drunkest person in the office.

  • a_pink_poodle

    The answer of course is ALL OF IT

  • pdiddycornchips

    Scalia, after signing the majority opinion that strikes down a substantial part of the ACA, was heard to have said, "Leave the death panels, take the canoli's".

  • Me_K_Cong

    “We urge the so-called ‘tea party’ Republicans … ”

    Gol dang TINOs.

  • glamourdammerung

    Geez, after all the fainting couch nonsense the Republicans pulled when Alan Grayson called them on this very topic, they are going to turn around and prove him correct.

  • ttommyunger

    Club for growth? I hope what they've got growing is Ass-Cancer.

    • HistoriBarb

      They've got Grover Norquist right? There you go – he's America's Ass-Cancer.

      • ttommyunger

        He is that.

  • glasspusher

    Pre-existing, another fine word brought to you by your Department of Redundancy Department.

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