Hi! Did you know there is a debate tonight between Scott Walker and that other dude, someone Barrett? (Hey, if the DNC doesn’t know Tom Barrett’s name, why should Your Wonkette?) It is so important it will be preempting Book Discussions on CSpan! (It will also be streaming live, here, for you Poors and you Youngs what ain’t got cable.) Go pee, and gather your beverages, and then we will gather here and go WHY IS IT NOT ON CSPAN and click around frantically, together!
So this is exciting, how they scheduled their debate for
7 8 p.m. Wisconsinese Time on Friday of Memorial Day Weekend, Scott Walker should give his debate negotiating team ALL THE KOCH MUNEEZ.
Also! Your Wonket will be going down for “server maintenance” (as if that is even a thing!) at 10 p.m. Eastern Time. (We can not do timechange math right now, but we presume it will be one hour after it starts.) You will still be able to read (and presumably comment), but Your Editrix will be evaporated in a puff of smoke. So once Your Editrix is raptured (hopefully in the middle of THE VERY BEST PART), please consider it an Open Thread. GOT IT? GOOD! We have been drinking pinot grigiot for two and a half hours already for reals, so let us let the dogs out! Who who, fellows! *Goes to pee.*
All times will be in Wisconsinese, maybe.
8:02 PM — Look at these awesome insurance dudes. They are so Wisconsin! Haha, they want an educated and civil debate. Much luck to them! (Also: sweet staches!)
8:04 PM — Scott Walker is talking, and DAMN are we not gonna be able to truth-squad this shit, Jesus. “The good news is our reforms are working, which is why we have lost more jobs than any other state!” Good intro!
8:06 PM — Oh, good, Tom Barrett will truth-squad it for us. Whew!
8:07 PM — So, Wisconsin Nice. Is that a thing? Because Tom Barrett is doing like the opposite, all “Scott Walker is a criminal billionaire sex doll, and also too INVESTIGATIONS!” He is being negative, is what we are saying, and we are sure Cory Booker does not approve!
8:10 PM — “Our numbers are based on unicorn farts and Barbie Math.”
8:13 PM — People hate Scott Walker for being too awesome (and also too beautiful). Other politicians are all talk! Not Scott Walker! He fixed problems, which is why a million people (maybe?) petitioned to recall him.
8:15 PM — Barrett shoutout to the unions, and the prison guards! Hiiii unions and prison guards! Hiiiii!
8:16 PM — Will Scott Walker be able to weasel out of this very clear and extremely true explanation of how Scott Walker tried to cook the unemployment numbers? PROBABLY! Math. What is it?
8:18 PM — Yup. “The facts are the facts.” Contra Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Scott Walker is entitled to his own facts!
8:20 PM — Okay, hang on. *TRANSCRIBING.* What’s up, Bob Dohr, journalism guy? “Most of the last budget debate was based on the spending side of the ledger, cutting spending to bring the budget in balance. We’d like to talk about the other side, the revenue side, taxes, tax increases, tax cuts, and specifically how you define a tax increase, if a tax credit or deduction gets removed is that a tax increase? Uh, what about previous, um, spending cuts, if they get restored is that a tax increase or things like licensing fees, um, increased paperwork filing fees, if those get increased is that considered a tax increase, so I’d like to know, first of all, your definition of a tax increase, and looking ahead to the next budget, if you plan any of those.” This seems like an EXCELLENT time to go check the roast chicken!
8:26 PM — IMPORTANT UPDATE: The roast chicken is gorgeous.
8:31 PM — Here, have a Twitter from radio commie @allisonkilkenny!
How this would go down in a sane world: “Governor, three of your four aides have been criminally charged…please leave the stage” #widebate
— allisonkilkenny (@allisonkilkenny) May 26, 2012
8:36 PM — Tom Barrett sometimes has “sharp exchanges” (i.e. frowns slightly, looks pained, when someone fucks the goat).
8:37 PM — Scott Walker met an imaginary person once. He is so great that even Democrats can’t help coming up to him and telling him that he has NOT assfucked the state of Wisconsin. (That person was the Loch Ness Monster.)
8:41 PM — Wisconsin doesn’t even have civil unions yet? Now we haz a Sad.
8:43 PM — Lilly Ledbetter in the HOUSE! What WHAT! Your editrix was shocked the other day when one of her son’s friends (who is black) was not going to be casting his first vote for Obama, because “he hasn’t done shit.” (!) But then, when the pressure was on, the ONLY THING SHE COULD THINK OF that Bamz had accomplished was the Lilly Ledbetter Act, and the rest of her mind was totally blank. You know who doesn’t care about Equal Pay and Lilly Ledbetter? 18-year-old boys! For sure. Editrix FAIL.
8:46 PM — Sorry, wasn’t paying attention to Scott Walker. Was he lying?
8:48 PM — So take off your “Hard Democrat” hats and put on, say, your Politico hats. How are the optics here? Is Scott Walker seeming mellow and laid back and Tom Barrett seeming too ANGRY (HONORARY BLACK MAN) UNION THUG? What do you think?
8:53 PM — And Callyson comes through with the fact-check on Walker repealing Equal Pay. All hail Callyson!
8:55 PM — We are about to be bodily lifted right out of our clothes and up to join Jesus in Heaven (because Rapture). You guys lock up when you leave, all right?