WHY NOT  2:00 pm May 25, 2012

We Nominate Fred Karger for President of Campaign Ads

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

We have a new top pick for Romney stock images.

Let’s see, who was the last Republican presidential primary contender to drop out of the campaign? Ron Paul? Yeah, he basically dropped out, in the important sense that he no longer cares to win any primaries. This just leaves Mitt Romney, says the conventional wisdom. Pish posh! Conventional thought, like Mitt Romney, is for weaklings. Why, that sounds like a good theme for a campaign ad? Add in a gratuitous image of Mitt Romney dressed as Pee-wee Herman and some gratuitous fapping to that other creepy television entertainer Ronald Reagan and you’ve got the new California Republican primary ad for marathon GOP presidential campaign holdout Fred “the openly gay one” Karger. It is positively fun. Watch it, after the jump!

Best line: “[Mitt Romney] recently caved to pressure from the far right and let an openly gay member of his campaign team go. He is weak and indecisive. How will Mitt Romney stand up to the leaders of Iran and North Korea if he won’t stand up to a bigoted bully like Bryan Fischer?” This is the best question that has ever been asked about Mitt Romney.

And here is a bonus ad from Fred Karger, featuring some kind of gratuitous softcore beachfront sexytime volleyball team orgy, because vote Fred Karger.

HOT. [YouTube]

 
Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 80 comments }

Barb May 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm

If you like Romney so much why don't you marry him?

I'm pretty sure he can do that, as a Mormon.

ProgressiveInga May 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I know you are, but what am I?

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Wow.

I mean, I might actually vote for him if Obama pisses me off enough

Arken May 25, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Mitt Romney thanks you for your support.

radio-of-owls May 25, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Kargergle bargrle.

SmutBoffin May 25, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Came for Mitt dressed in Funhouse casual , stayed for the hotties frolicking.

A+++ Wonkette post would read/view again.

ChernobylSoup May 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

He's going to ride that rainbow all the way to the convention.

noodlesalad May 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this closet door! Let's warm up this cold war!

widestanceromance May 25, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Karger/Boys of Summer 2012!

OneYieldRegular May 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"Bring your gear! For a summer every boy will remember…"

PuckStopsHere May 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I wonder if Fred there could kick Joe the Plumbers ass? In a slap-fight, perhaps.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

He probably has at least one boyfriend who could.

edgydrifter May 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

It takes a special kind of stupid courage to march into the bear's den every day yelling "I AGREE WITH YOU ON MANY ISSUES! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!!" Fred Karger has exactly that kind of stupid courage.

ProgressiveInga May 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

"Mr. Romney, tear down these chaps!"
~Fred Karger, Gay

Jus_Wonderin May 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

The second vid even has a jaunty porn soundtrack.

MissTaken May 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I don't know. If Mitt is Pee Wee than that makes Ann Miss Yvonne, when really her outfits are more of a just a Magic Screen.

ProgressiveInga May 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

So, who in Mitt's inner circle gets to say "Repeat after me, in Jambese, "Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hiney-ho"?

MissTaken May 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

A floating head in a box speaking jibberish? I'm pretty sure that's Tagg Romney.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

I thought they were more of a Magic Scream myself. Who the fuck spends a thousand fucking dollars on a hideous fucking tee shirt, fercrisake?

metamarcisf May 25, 2012 at 2:25 pm

Mitt Romney – Captain Carl 2012

lochnessmonster May 25, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I liked the beachy one the best…

ChernobylSoup May 25, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Okay kids, I'm out of here for a couple weeks. Taking the family to Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for a good old American commercialcation. Eat your paisley and go to bed on time and I'll bring you all some mouse ears when I get back.

Jus_Wonderin May 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Remember, I need XXL.

MissTaken May 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Good luck and godspeed.

BTW – I prefer my mouse ears to be spelled with both the M and the T capitalized, thanks!

Blueb4sunrise May 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Ah'm tellin PETA.

ProgressiveInga May 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Safe travels to you and your family, and give my regards to Rat Town!

Fare la Volpe May 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You jerk! I wanna go to Harry Potter and the Quest for More Money soooo bad.

ManchuCandidate May 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

If you harm Wally the Moose when you take the Wallyworld mascot hostage, I will cut you.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 25, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Have a wonderful time holidaying with the sproggen, and come back filled with hilarious yet cruel tales of vacation among the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Men, Chernobyl!

fartknocker May 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Enjoy hearing "are we there yet?" on your trip. Travel safe.

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm
SoBeach May 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Not to be buzzkill or anything, but you're aware it's as hot and miserable as a horse's asscrack down here right now, aren't you?

HistoriBarb May 25, 2012 at 9:25 pm

Super – we're going in a few weeks (because we are completely insane). I expect a full report with many helpful tips.

Have fun and stay sane!

Callyson May 25, 2012 at 2:11 pm

If you're not excited about Mitt Romney or the direction of the Republican Party, then here are some hotties on the beach for you to fap to…

I am *almost* tempted to vote Karger as a show of appreciation for the ad. Oh, and brb, also too…

SorosBot May 25, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Today the magic word is: millionaire! So whenever anyone says "millionaire", scream real loud!

Fare la Volpe May 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Can't. Repossessed my voice.

LiberalMantra May 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

"I know you're conservative but what am I?"

Tossup as to which ad was more disturbing — Romnee's Playhouse or Muscle Beach Caucus.

memzilla May 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

So it's Fred Karger's free-spinning Frisbee® vs. Mitt Romney's flip-flopping Slinky®?

widestanceromance May 25, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I cannot recall a political ad ever with yummy man-nips so deliciously filmed. I feel dirty for watching, but OK about the quick + dirty rub-off under my desk.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Romney wants to posthumously convert Reagan, and Karger wants to posthumously diddle him. Neither is an attractive prospect.

UnholyMoses May 25, 2012 at 2:13 pm

#failstounderstandtheGOPhatesgays

BornInATrailer May 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Why didn't you put Mitt's head on a picture of Conky?

elburritodeluxe May 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm

How may I give this man all my money?

Barb May 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Elect him! Oh, I thought you meant Mittens.

BornInATrailer May 25, 2012 at 2:17 pm

Today's secret word is… FUTILITY!

shortsandpants May 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

To be fair, the whole gay thing is sort of the unspoken platform of the Republican Party. It's nice that they are being a little more open about the secrets of their success though. It's just speculation, of course, but Romney's hair is far too perfect to be for the ladies alone. In other words— he may enjoy man-mean; gratuitous piles of it, in fact.

OneYieldRegular May 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

If every campaign ad were required to feature half-naked people frolicking on a beach, I might actually be able to make it through this election season.

Jus_Wonderin May 25, 2012 at 2:22 pm

You know that the conventional voice over would be some old couple discussing how this effects their medicare, loudly.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

And you know what? Nobody would remember hearing a word of it.

ManchuCandidate May 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Come on in, and get yourself up a elevator (like Elevatory!)
Let the fun begin, it's time to let down your taxes!
Mittens' SO excited,
'cause all his owner pals have been invited (that's you!)
To go wacky, at Mittens' Playhouse (with elevator!!)!

There's a crazy flip flopping, talkin' down to Jeebusland (what that?)
Karl Rove, Fat Cats, and the Koch Bros are controlling Puppet land (yeah!)
He'll say for what he wish (tax cuts for him!),
and dumb advisors who'll just miss –
Golly, it's 1%ers at Mittens' Playhouse!

WhatTheHeck May 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

The primary colors of Pee Wee’s playhouse look different through Romney’s rose-colored glasses.

Fare la Volpe May 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Can a video really go "viral" if you call it "viral video" in the title?

That's like giving yourself your own nickname.

Mumbletypeg May 25, 2012 at 2:39 pm

That's like giving yourself your own nickname.

Fisting this because, I know people like this. I just hadn't realized it til now.

CthuNHu May 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

My name's Willard, but everybody calls me Psycho. Anyone call me Willard, I'll fire you.

SheriffRoscoe May 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

What's up with the "Parental Advisory"? It's because those lesbians are doing their ab crunches in the scissor position, right?

MoeDeLawn May 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Well.
I skipped the video. I believe I will close the office door, scroll right back up, and play that puppy in BIG SCREEN FORMAT!! This will be a memorable day, a couple days early!

Jus_Wonderin May 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm

If anyone is interested, I can whip out the video editor and excise the Karger from the second vid. And, yes, I can put it all in slow motion.

Fare la Volpe May 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I got a fiver with your name on it if ya do. It's not mine, but I got it.

Jus_Wonderin May 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

FLV, for you it is free. So that's like getting 10, right?

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

"I wish they all could be California…" "I wish they all could be California…"
"I wish they all could be California… GAAAAYS!"

MissTaken May 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

I miss demon sheep.

SayItWithWookies May 25, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Ed Begley Jr. has everyone punked this time — you go, girl!

SoBeach May 25, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Hell, I'll vote gay republican if the girls in that commercial will, um, toss the frisbee with me.

trondant May 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Why is Bill Lumbergh running for President again?

gogogodzilla May 25, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Needz moar chix on trampolines.

johnnyzhivago May 25, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Proven Weak and Indecisive: He Passes the Test of American Presidential Leadership

johnnyzhivago May 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

I like my presidentz blustery and petulant.

johnnyzhivago May 25, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Hey, Romney MAY be weak and indecisive…. But this is president of the United States he's running for – not to be leader of some kind of superpower or something.

shortsandpants May 25, 2012 at 4:04 pm

They should have known those magic underpants were nothing but trouble.

pinkocommi May 25, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Karger's video needs moar snaps in Z formation.

pinkocommi May 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

I am not sure which I understand less Log Cabin Republicans or blah Republicans.

I mean, why join the club when the other members not only really, really do not like you but also actively work to undermine your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

PubOption May 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm

For all the Brits of a certain age
Habop ipop Mitt.

sbj1964 May 25, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Well with a gay Republican president at least we will know who is F@cking us in the @ss.Who thought you could get any gay'er than a Mormon?

horsedreamer_1 May 26, 2012 at 6:32 pm

It's like in that movie, Top Gun.

ttommyunger May 26, 2012 at 11:17 pm

You will definitely be hearing from (convicted sex offender) Paul Reuben's attorney regarding serious Defamation of Character Allegations.

Daniel Sieradski May 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

apparently karger's team isn't so up-to-speed on foreign affairs. he's got the deceased former ayatollah ruollah khomeini in there, rather than the current ayatollah ali khamenei.

MissTaken May 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

Hey now, Pee Wee's Playhouse is where I learned to make French Toast as well as having people sit on my face.

Fare la Volpe May 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

You should see the stage show (I think it's still running). The entire cast is doped up on a heaping helping of Self-Awareness, and just run with every single innuendo they can cram (hehe) into a two hour show.

They know their entire audience is gen Xers and gen Y's who are coming for nostalgia, and they stop just short of doing the entire show to a porn soundtrack. There's even a joke about why PeeWee went to prison (you know).

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

You can do both these things simultaneously? We gotta MEET!

Butch_Wagstaff May 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Jambi was one my early role models, that's why I now wear a jeweled turban and live in a box.
Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho!

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: