why not

We Nominate Fred Karger for President of Campaign Ads

We have a new top pick for Romney stock images.

Let’s see, who was the last Republican presidential primary contender to drop out of the campaign? Ron Paul? Yeah, he basically dropped out, in the important sense that he no longer cares to win any primaries. This just leaves Mitt Romney, says the conventional wisdom. Pish posh! Conventional thought, like Mitt Romney, is for weaklings. Why, that sounds like a good theme for a campaign ad? Add in a gratuitous image of Mitt Romney dressed as Pee-wee Herman and some gratuitous fapping to that other creepy television entertainer Ronald Reagan and you’ve got the new California Republican primary ad for marathon GOP presidential campaign holdout Fred “the openly gay one” Karger. It is positively fun. Watch it, after the jump!

Best line: “[Mitt Romney] recently caved to pressure from the far right and let an openly gay member of his campaign team go. He is weak and indecisive. How will Mitt Romney stand up to the leaders of Iran and North Korea if he won’t stand up to a bigoted bully like Bryan Fischer?” This is the best question that has ever been asked about Mitt Romney.

And here is a bonus ad from Fred Karger, featuring some kind of gratuitous softcore beachfront sexytime volleyball team orgy, because vote Fred Karger.

HOT. [YouTube]

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  1. Barb

    If you like Romney so much why don't you marry him?

    I'm pretty sure he can do that, as a Mormon.

  2. SmutBoffin

    Came for Mitt dressed in Funhouse casual , stayed for the hotties frolicking.

    A+++ Wonkette post would read/view again.

  3. PuckStopsHere

    I wonder if Fred there could kick Joe the Plumbers ass? In a slap-fight, perhaps.

  4. edgydrifter

    It takes a special kind of stupid courage to march into the bear's den every day yelling "I AGREE WITH YOU ON MANY ISSUES! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!!" Fred Karger has exactly that kind of stupid courage.

  5. MissTaken

    I don't know. If Mitt is Pee Wee than that makes Ann Miss Yvonne, when really her outfits are more of a just a Magic Screen.

    1. ProgressiveInga

      So, who in Mitt's inner circle gets to say "Repeat after me, in Jambese, "Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hiney-ho"?

      1. MissTaken

        A floating head in a box speaking jibberish? I'm pretty sure that's Tagg Romney.

  6. ChernobylSoup

    Okay kids, I'm out of here for a couple weeks. Taking the family to Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for a good old American commercialcation. Eat your paisley and go to bed on time and I'll bring you all some mouse ears when I get back.

    1. MissTaken

      Good luck and godspeed.

      BTW – I prefer my mouse ears to be spelled with both the M and the T capitalized, thanks!

    2. Fare la Volpe

      You jerk! I wanna go to Harry Potter and the Quest for More Money soooo bad.

    3. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Have a wonderful time holidaying with the sproggen, and come back filled with hilarious yet cruel tales of vacation among the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Men, Chernobyl!

    4. SoBeach

      Not to be buzzkill or anything, but you're aware it's as hot and miserable as a horse's asscrack down here right now, aren't you?

    5. HistoriBarb

      Super – we're going in a few weeks (because we are completely insane). I expect a full report with many helpful tips.

      Have fun and stay sane!

  7. Callyson

    If you're not excited about Mitt Romney or the direction of the Republican Party, then here are some hotties on the beach for you to fap to…

    I am *almost* tempted to vote Karger as a show of appreciation for the ad. Oh, and brb, also too…

  8. SorosBot

    Today the magic word is: millionaire! So whenever anyone says "millionaire", scream real loud!

  9. LiberalMantra

    "I know you're conservative but what am I?"

    Tossup as to which ad was more disturbing — Romnee's Playhouse or Muscle Beach Caucus.

  10. memzilla

    So it's Fred Karger's free-spinning Frisbee® vs. Mitt Romney's flip-flopping Slinky®?

  11. widestanceromance

    I cannot recall a political ad ever with yummy man-nips so deliciously filmed. I feel dirty for watching, but OK about the quick + dirty rub-off under my desk.

  12. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Romney wants to posthumously convert Reagan, and Karger wants to posthumously diddle him. Neither is an attractive prospect.

  13. shortsandpants

    To be fair, the whole gay thing is sort of the unspoken platform of the Republican Party. It's nice that they are being a little more open about the secrets of their success though. It's just speculation, of course, but Romney's hair is far too perfect to be for the ladies alone. In other words— he may enjoy man-mean; gratuitous piles of it, in fact.

  14. OneYieldRegular

    If every campaign ad were required to feature half-naked people frolicking on a beach, I might actually be able to make it through this election season.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      You know that the conventional voice over would be some old couple discussing how this effects their medicare, loudly.

  15. ManchuCandidate

    Come on in, and get yourself up a elevator (like Elevatory!)
    Let the fun begin, it's time to let down your taxes!
    Mittens' SO excited,
    'cause all his owner pals have been invited (that's you!)
    To go wacky, at Mittens' Playhouse (with elevator!!)!

    There's a crazy flip flopping, talkin' down to Jeebusland (what that?)
    Karl Rove, Fat Cats, and the Koch Bros are controlling Puppet land (yeah!)
    He'll say for what he wish (tax cuts for him!),
    and dumb advisors who'll just miss –
    Golly, it's 1%ers at Mittens' Playhouse!

  16. WhatTheHeck

    The primary colors of Pee Wee’s playhouse look different through Romney’s rose-colored glasses.

  17. Fare la Volpe

    Can a video really go "viral" if you call it "viral video" in the title?

    That's like giving yourself your own nickname.

    1. CthuNHu

      My name's Willard, but everybody calls me Psycho. Anyone call me Willard, I'll fire you.

  18. SheriffRoscoe

    What's up with the "Parental Advisory"? It's because those lesbians are doing their ab crunches in the scissor position, right?

    1. MoeDeLawn

      I skipped the video. I believe I will close the office door, scroll right back up, and play that puppy in BIG SCREEN FORMAT!! This will be a memorable day, a couple days early!

  19. Jus_Wonderin

    If anyone is interested, I can whip out the video editor and excise the Karger from the second vid. And, yes, I can put it all in slow motion.

  20. C_R_Eature

    "I wish they all could be California…" "I wish they all could be California…"
    "I wish they all could be California… GAAAAYS!"

  21. SoBeach

    Hell, I'll vote gay republican if the girls in that commercial will, um, toss the frisbee with me.

  22. johnnyzhivago

    Hey, Romney MAY be weak and indecisive…. But this is president of the United States he's running for – not to be leader of some kind of superpower or something.

  23. pinkocommi

    I am not sure which I understand less Log Cabin Republicans or blah Republicans.

    I mean, why join the club when the other members not only really, really do not like you but also actively work to undermine your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

  24. sbj1964

    Well with a gay Republican president at least we will know who is F@cking us in the @ss.Who thought you could get any gay'er than a Mormon?

  25. ttommyunger

    You will definitely be hearing from (convicted sex offender) Paul Reuben's attorney regarding serious Defamation of Character Allegations.

  26. Daniel Sieradski

    apparently karger's team isn't so up-to-speed on foreign affairs. he's got the deceased former ayatollah ruollah khomeini in there, rather than the current ayatollah ali khamenei.

  27. MissTaken

    Hey now, Pee Wee's Playhouse is where I learned to make French Toast as well as having people sit on my face.

  28. Fare la Volpe

    You should see the stage show (I think it's still running). The entire cast is doped up on a heaping helping of Self-Awareness, and just run with every single innuendo they can cram (hehe) into a two hour show.

    They know their entire audience is gen Xers and gen Y's who are coming for nostalgia, and they stop just short of doing the entire show to a porn soundtrack. There's even a joke about why PeeWee went to prison (you know).

  29. Butch_Wagstaff

    Jambi was one my early role models, that's why I now wear a jeweled turban and live in a box.
    Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho!

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