why not

We Nominate Fred Karger for President of Campaign Ads

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We have a new top pick for Romney stock images.

Let’s see, who was the last Republican presidential primary contender to drop out of the campaign? Ron Paul? Yeah, he basically dropped out, in the important sense that he no longer cares to win any primaries. This just leaves Mitt Romney, says the conventional wisdom. Pish posh! Conventional thought, like Mitt Romney, is for weaklings. Why, that sounds like a good theme for a campaign ad? Add in a gratuitous image of Mitt Romney dressed as Pee-wee Herman and some gratuitous fapping to that other creepy television entertainer Ronald Reagan and you’ve got the new California Republican primary ad for marathon GOP presidential campaign holdout Fred “the openly gay one” Karger. It is positively fun. Watch it, after the jump!

Best line: “[Mitt Romney] recently caved to pressure from the far right and let an openly gay member of his campaign team go. He is weak and indecisive. How will Mitt Romney stand up to the leaders of Iran and North Korea if he won’t stand up to a bigoted bully like Bryan Fischer?” This is the best question that has ever been asked about Mitt Romney.

And here is a bonus ad from Fred Karger, featuring some kind of gratuitous softcore beachfront sexytime volleyball team orgy, because vote Fred Karger.

HOT. [YouTube]

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Barb

    If you like Romney so much why don't you marry him?

    I'm pretty sure he can do that, as a Mormon.

    • ProgressiveInga

      I know you are, but what am I?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Wow.

    I mean, I might actually vote for him if Obama pisses me off enough

    • Arken

      Mitt Romney thanks you for your support.

  • radio-of-owls

    Kargergle bargrle.

  • SmutBoffin

    Came for Mitt dressed in Funhouse casual , stayed for the hotties frolicking.

    A+++ Wonkette post would read/view again.

  • ChernobylSoup

    He's going to ride that rainbow all the way to the convention.

  • noodlesalad

    Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this closet door! Let's warm up this cold war!

  • widestanceromance

    Karger/Boys of Summer 2012!

    • OneYieldRegular

      "Bring your gear! For a summer every boy will remember…"

  • PuckStopsHere

    I wonder if Fred there could kick Joe the Plumbers ass? In a slap-fight, perhaps.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      He probably has at least one boyfriend who could.

  • edgydrifter

    It takes a special kind of stupid courage to march into the bear's den every day yelling "I AGREE WITH YOU ON MANY ISSUES! STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!!" Fred Karger has exactly that kind of stupid courage.

  • ProgressiveInga

    "Mr. Romney, tear down these chaps!"
    ~Fred Karger, Gay

  • Jus_Wonderin

    The second vid even has a jaunty porn soundtrack.

  • MissTaken

    I don't know. If Mitt is Pee Wee than that makes Ann Miss Yvonne, when really her outfits are more of a just a Magic Screen.

    • ProgressiveInga

      So, who in Mitt's inner circle gets to say "Repeat after me, in Jambese, "Mekka-lekka-hi, mekka-hiney-ho"?

      • MissTaken

        A floating head in a box speaking jibberish? I'm pretty sure that's Tagg Romney.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      I thought they were more of a Magic Scream myself. Who the fuck spends a thousand fucking dollars on a hideous fucking tee shirt, fercrisake?

    • metamarcisf

      Mitt Romney – Captain Carl 2012

  • lochnessmonster

    I liked the beachy one the best…

  • ChernobylSoup

    Okay kids, I'm out of here for a couple weeks. Taking the family to Disney World and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for a good old American commercialcation. Eat your paisley and go to bed on time and I'll bring you all some mouse ears when I get back.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Remember, I need XXL.

    • MissTaken

      Good luck and godspeed.

      BTW – I prefer my mouse ears to be spelled with both the M and the T capitalized, thanks!

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Ah'm tellin PETA.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Safe travels to you and your family, and give my regards to Rat Town!

    • Fare la Volpe

      You jerk! I wanna go to Harry Potter and the Quest for More Money soooo bad.

    • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      If you harm Wally the Moose when you take the Wallyworld mascot hostage, I will cut you.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Have a wonderful time holidaying with the sproggen, and come back filled with hilarious yet cruel tales of vacation among the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Men, Chernobyl!

    • fartknocker

      Enjoy hearing "are we there yet?" on your trip. Travel safe.

    • C_R_Eature
    • SoBeach

      Not to be buzzkill or anything, but you're aware it's as hot and miserable as a horse's asscrack down here right now, aren't you?

    • HistoriBarb

      Super – we're going in a few weeks (because we are completely insane). I expect a full report with many helpful tips.

      Have fun and stay sane!

  • Callyson

    If you're not excited about Mitt Romney or the direction of the Republican Party, then here are some hotties on the beach for you to fap to…

    I am *almost* tempted to vote Karger as a show of appreciation for the ad. Oh, and brb, also too…

  • SorosBot

    Today the magic word is: millionaire! So whenever anyone says "millionaire", scream real loud!

    • Fare la Volpe

      Can't. Repossessed my voice.

  • LiberalMantra

    "I know you're conservative but what am I?"

    Tossup as to which ad was more disturbing — Romnee's Playhouse or Muscle Beach Caucus.

  • memzilla

    So it's Fred Karger's free-spinning Frisbee® vs. Mitt Romney's flip-flopping Slinky®?

  • widestanceromance

    I cannot recall a political ad ever with yummy man-nips so deliciously filmed. I feel dirty for watching, but OK about the quick + dirty rub-off under my desk.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Romney wants to posthumously convert Reagan, and Karger wants to posthumously diddle him. Neither is an attractive prospect.

  • UnholyMoses

    #failstounderstandtheGOPhatesgays

  • BornInATrailer

    Why didn't you put Mitt's head on a picture of Conky?

  • elburritodeluxe

    How may I give this man all my money?

    • Barb

      Elect him! Oh, I thought you meant Mittens.

  • BornInATrailer

    Today's secret word is… FUTILITY!

  • shortsandpants

    To be fair, the whole gay thing is sort of the unspoken platform of the Republican Party. It's nice that they are being a little more open about the secrets of their success though. It's just speculation, of course, but Romney's hair is far too perfect to be for the ladies alone. In other words— he may enjoy man-mean; gratuitous piles of it, in fact.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If every campaign ad were required to feature half-naked people frolicking on a beach, I might actually be able to make it through this election season.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      You know that the conventional voice over would be some old couple discussing how this effects their medicare, loudly.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        And you know what? Nobody would remember hearing a word of it.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Come on in, and get yourself up a elevator (like Elevatory!)
    Let the fun begin, it's time to let down your taxes!
    Mittens' SO excited,
    'cause all his owner pals have been invited (that's you!)
    To go wacky, at Mittens' Playhouse (with elevator!!)!

    There's a crazy flip flopping, talkin' down to Jeebusland (what that?)
    Karl Rove, Fat Cats, and the Koch Bros are controlling Puppet land (yeah!)
    He'll say for what he wish (tax cuts for him!),
    and dumb advisors who'll just miss –
    Golly, it's 1%ers at Mittens' Playhouse!

  • WhatTheHeck

    The primary colors of Pee Wee’s playhouse look different through Romney’s rose-colored glasses.

  • Fare la Volpe

    Can a video really go "viral" if you call it "viral video" in the title?

    That's like giving yourself your own nickname.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      That's like giving yourself your own nickname.

      Fisting this because, I know people like this. I just hadn't realized it til now.

    • CthuNHu

      My name's Willard, but everybody calls me Psycho. Anyone call me Willard, I'll fire you.

  • SheriffRoscoe

    What's up with the "Parental Advisory"? It's because those lesbians are doing their ab crunches in the scissor position, right?

    • MoeDeLawn

      Well.
      I skipped the video. I believe I will close the office door, scroll right back up, and play that puppy in BIG SCREEN FORMAT!! This will be a memorable day, a couple days early!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    If anyone is interested, I can whip out the video editor and excise the Karger from the second vid. And, yes, I can put it all in slow motion.

    • Fare la Volpe

      I got a fiver with your name on it if ya do. It's not mine, but I got it.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        FLV, for you it is free. So that's like getting 10, right?

  • C_R_Eature

    "I wish they all could be California…" "I wish they all could be California…"
    "I wish they all could be California… GAAAAYS!"

  • MissTaken

    I miss demon sheep.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Ed Begley Jr. has everyone punked this time — you go, girl!

  • SoBeach

    Hell, I'll vote gay republican if the girls in that commercial will, um, toss the frisbee with me.

  • trondant

    Why is Bill Lumbergh running for President again?

  • gogogodzilla

    Needz moar chix on trampolines.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Proven Weak and Indecisive: He Passes the Test of American Presidential Leadership

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    I like my presidentz blustery and petulant.

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Hey, Romney MAY be weak and indecisive…. But this is president of the United States he's running for – not to be leader of some kind of superpower or something.

  • shortsandpants

    They should have known those magic underpants were nothing but trouble.

  • pinkocommi

    Karger's video needs moar snaps in Z formation.

  • pinkocommi

    I am not sure which I understand less Log Cabin Republicans or blah Republicans.

    I mean, why join the club when the other members not only really, really do not like you but also actively work to undermine your pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

  • PubOption

    For all the Brits of a certain age
    Habop ipop Mitt.

  • sbj1964

    Well with a gay Republican president at least we will know who is F@cking us in the @ss.Who thought you could get any gay'er than a Mormon?

  • horsedreamer_1

    It's like in that movie, Top Gun.

  • ttommyunger

    You will definitely be hearing from (convicted sex offender) Paul Reuben's attorney regarding serious Defamation of Character Allegations.

  • http://danielsieradski.com Daniel Sieradski

    apparently karger's team isn't so up-to-speed on foreign affairs. he's got the deceased former ayatollah ruollah khomeini in there, rather than the current ayatollah ali khamenei.

  • MissTaken

    Hey now, Pee Wee's Playhouse is where I learned to make French Toast as well as having people sit on my face.

  • Fare la Volpe

    You should see the stage show (I think it's still running). The entire cast is doped up on a heaping helping of Self-Awareness, and just run with every single innuendo they can cram (hehe) into a two hour show.

    They know their entire audience is gen Xers and gen Y's who are coming for nostalgia, and they stop just short of doing the entire show to a porn soundtrack. There's even a joke about why PeeWee went to prison (you know).

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

    You can do both these things simultaneously? We gotta MEET!

  • Butch_Wagstaff

    Jambi was one my early role models, that's why I now wear a jeweled turban and live in a box.
    Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho!