BEEP BOOP BOOP PROBING  10:53 am May 25, 2012

Romney: I Love The Interchange With Individuals That Are Probing And Pushing

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hand me a Pall-MallMitt Romney gave an interview to Peggy Noonan, and it is great! She is the greatest interviewer, very important and insightful questions, we are sure! Do you wake up in a good mood, or do you have to work your way into it? “When was the last time you woke up unhappy?” “Do you love politics—the joy of it, the fight of it?” Those are all so good, and we cannot wait to hear the answers, which are like, “depends,” “can’t remember,” and “nah.”

Then there are Peggy’s own marvelous insights, like this:

The great story about Mr. Romney’s father, George, is that one word—”brainwashed”—did in his presidential candidacy in 1968. People have hypothesized that Mitt is careful with words and statements, that he edits his thoughts too severely, because of the power of that myth.

Really, Peggy? Have people hypothesized that Mitt is careful with words and statements? Because we really hadn’t realized that was a Thing, Ol’ Mittens being careful with words and statements. We were under the impression that he can’t open his mouth without telling everyone in the vicinity he could buy and sell them. Unless by “careful,” Peggy means “robotic and stilted”? That would make a lot more sense.

So DOES Mitt Romney love politics, the joy of it, the fight of it? “I love the interchange with individuals that are probing and pushing.” Yes, that seems “careful” indeed.

In other news, Mitt Romney thinks the loss in people’s 401k’s is Barack Obama’s fault, and not that of the job creators and professional 401k rapers on Wall Street, but that is so obvious we probably shouldn’t have even mentioned it. [WSJ]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 111 comments }

Barb May 25, 2012 at 10:54 am

Did Mitt talk about the one time in college that he yelled, "INTERCEPTED!" as he grabbed a cup and then took a big drink of his friend's coffee? Mormons don't drink coffee because it is the "devil's temperature"

prommie May 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

There is a saying amongst the gentiles out west, that you should never go hunting with just one Mormon, because if you do, he'll drink all your beer. Ya gotta bring two, neither one will drink in front of the other.

MasterDebater May 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

Oh yes, Utah. The only place on earth where a Jew is a gentile.

But, seriously, they're not all closet alkies. Lots of pr0n, sure, but not as much behind-closed-door binge drinking.

Also, I think Utah is the only state that has an official state holiday on the first day of the deer hunt? The logic being all the kids are going to skip school that day anyway, so might as well.

(Veterans Day, however, is not observed by the schools.)

FNMA May 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

Jews in Utah? What, all three of them?

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 11:21 am

Actually, there's a thriving Jewish community in Utah, mostly because they were kicked out of California during the 1849 Gold Rush for being, you know, JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZE

Plus, Jewish girls give the best head and you didn't have to worry about marrying them, they didn't want you unless you were a Jewish doctor or lawyer.

Terry May 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

Lots of states have defacto holidays on the first day of various hunting seasons.

True story. I used to live in a small city/big town in south Louisiana. The day of the election for city mayor happened to fall on the first day of hunting season (I think it was deer, but it could have been another species) AND the day that a highly anticipated craft show opened in town. The race was between a decent candidate and a crazy and corrupt former mayor. I voted before going to the craft show, but apparently most of my neighbors assumed that other folks would vote and went hunting or to the show instead. Incredibly low turn out. In fact, the only people voting were probably me and the extended family of the crazy crook. The crazy crook was reelected mayor and the whole city woke up the next day with basically the equivalent of a mass hangover and a whole lot of regret. Everyone spent the next few years trying to keep the crazy man under control and counting the days until the next election.

Lascauxcaveman May 25, 2012 at 12:48 pm

I don't RECALL anything like that happening in Wisconsin recently…

HateMachine May 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Same saying goes down here in the bible belt. You take a Baptist hunting, he'll drink all the beer. You take his pastor hunting, and he'll drink it all and ask for more. You take both hunting, and it's all yours.

gullywompr May 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

Mormons simply don't know about the benefits of drinking coffee. For one: it keeps you from being a Mormon.

Barb May 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

The best part of waking up is Romney in your cult.

FlownOver May 25, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Speaking of coffee, there's now a brown splatter pattern all over my monitor.

Barb May 25, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Sorry, my bad!

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 10:55 am

Noonan managed to get that mangled sentence out?

Was she sober or more drunk than the other 23 hours of the day?

memzilla May 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

It's her new Adderal & Gin Smoothie recipe. Twice the blathering, with half the sense-making!

prommie May 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

Hey, don't knock adderal and gin till you've tried it!

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 11:23 am

SLOW DOWN!

…d-e-r-a-l-l…and….g-i-n….

Go on?

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

“I love the interchange with individuals that are probing and pushing.”

Worst. Pr0n. Ever.

snackypants May 25, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Robot porn.

nounverb911 May 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

Needs more santorum.

not that Radio May 25, 2012 at 10:56 am

Aren't there any issues of significance you'd like to talk about?

nounverb911 May 25, 2012 at 11:00 am

I invented Romneycare before I hated Obamacare?

memzilla May 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

I created jerbs before I destroyed them?

Callyson May 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

NOTK.

radio-of-owls May 25, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Sure, but there's only a <.001 chance I'll ask them.

not that Radio May 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

What makes you so optimistic? Huh?

radio-of-owls May 25, 2012 at 6:33 pm

Optimistic?

If you like Pareto so much why don't you marry him.

not that Radio May 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Because I'm engaged to Frank Benford.

And besides, 20% of my rules of thumb account for 80% of my bad decisions.

nounverb911 May 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

“I love the interchange with individuals that are probing and pushing.”
So, Marcus for Veep then.

prommie May 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

Were there magic dolphins? Did she confer the blessing of Holy Saint Reagan on him, as only she, the High Priestess of Ronnie, can?

ifthethunderdontgetya May 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

Exactly!!!

Wonkette said "Nooners", and I said, where's my emm-effing magic dolphins???
~

memzilla May 25, 2012 at 11:10 am

You can still petition the Arizona Secretary of State to investigate whether or not Rmoney is a unicorn.

Baconzgood May 25, 2012 at 10:59 am

“I love the interchange with individuals that are probing and pushing.”

HAWT!

gullywompr May 25, 2012 at 11:11 am

So that's why he's always putting on that fudge glove…

Texan_Bulldog May 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Note to Peggy: although they have the same greasy hair color and style, Mittens is not Ronnie so you don't have to give him a literary blow job (or a literal one, either).

prommie May 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Do they put the professional 401(K) rapers on the Group W bench, with the mother rapers and father rapers?

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

Me and the shrink jumped up and down yelling, "Outsource! Outsource! Outsource!"

Goonemeritus May 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Like his father one word is likely to end Mitt’s presidential ambitions. For me that one word is Republican.

ChernobylSoup May 25, 2012 at 11:01 am

Peggy thought she saw a Mexican on Mitt's lawn, but it turned out to be a garden gnome. Then she had long night of percocet-induced dreams about garden gnomes lurching around NYC banging society women on the sidewalks of the upper east side. She woke up with a smile and called her escort service for an emergency visit.

noodlesalad May 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

To be brainwashed, one must possess a brain, no? I think "reformatted" is probably a better word for Mitt's circuitry.

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

Noonan: It won't affect the test. All right, I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Just relax and answer them as simply as you can. [ pause ] It's your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet.
Romney: I wouldn't accept it. Also, I'd report the person who gave it to me to the police.
Noonan: You've got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar.
Romney: I'd take him to the doctor.
Noonan: You're watching television. Suddenly you realize there's a wasp crawling on your arm.
Romney: I'd kill it.
Noonan: You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl.
Romney: Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a Gay, Ms. Noonan?
Noonan: Just answer the questions, please. [ pause ] You show it to your wife. She likes it so much she hangs it on your bedroom wall.
Noonan (background): …bush outside your window…
Romney: I wouldn't let her.
Noonan (background): …orange body, green legs…
Noonan: Why not?
Romney: I should be enough for her.
[ Audio fades out and in, time passes. ]
Noonan: One more question. You're watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog…
Romney: The dog should be on the roof.

noodlesalad May 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

Noonan: He doesn't know he's a Romlicant?
Tyrell: We thought he'd begin to suspect, but this one's pretty thick.

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

Noonan: Suspect? How can it not know what it is?

Tyrell: Commerce, is our goal here at Bain. More human than human is our motto. Romney is an experiment, nothing more.

noodlesalad May 25, 2012 at 11:14 am

Noonan: Romlicants are people, too, my friend.

Baconzgood May 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

"Memories. You're talking about memories."

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

Noonan: "Memories. You're talking about memories."

Meghan: "Mammaries?"

metamarcisf May 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

What's a tortoise?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

I've known adventures, seen places you people will never see, I've been to the Caymans and back… frontiers! I've stood on the back deck of a yacht bound for the Virgin Islands with sweat in my eyes watching the natives fight on the shoulder of Jamaica…I've felt wind in my hair, riding test boats off the black lands and seen a bought company burn like a match and disappear. I've seen it, felt it…!

All those moments will be lost in time, like jobs with the Bain.

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

Time to Die run for President.

Baconzgood May 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

Mitt dreams of electric sheep

swordfis May 25, 2012 at 11:12 am

Please explain this to me. It's wonderful but I can't understand a word of it, except for the last line.

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

Ah. This is an adaptation of the Voigt Kampff machine test questions from Philip K. Dick's novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" & made famous in the movie "Blade Runner"

A foolproof way of ascertaining whether an interviewee is Human or Android, which is why it's been banned from the Romney campaigns press pool.

widestanceromance May 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

Watch as she takes the pleasures from the serpent.

[one of my favorite and less famous BR lines]

widestanceromance May 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

"Lies, I only do lies."

C_R_Eature May 25, 2012 at 11:59 am

One Actual and Many Virtual Upfisties for you!

mrpuma2u May 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm

Tell me, Willard only the good things that come to mind when you think of your mother.

littlebigdaddy May 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

Well at least Mittens is now safe from angry blah people.

Dr. Nick Riviera May 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

No wonder he did so much "probing and pushing" at Bain!

SorosBot May 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

Mitt also loves all the other common activities which the human beings, of which he is one, he can assure us, like to partake in.

MasterDebater May 25, 2012 at 11:04 am

Why can't Mitt's Dad run for President, in 2012?

I know we still have 988 years to go until all our presidents are just heads floating in jars, but I think it would be neat to see Lord Mittington the First run against, say, Eugene V Debs.

The apotheosis of reality television, right there.

nounverb911 May 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

He's a Messican?

nounverb911 May 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

"Mitt, do you get your magic underwear from Fredericks of Hollywood?"

John Birf Society May 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

Willard dear, which brand of monocle do you find best fits your orbital area? Now be a good boy and freshen my drink.

Taj_Mahalo May 25, 2012 at 11:05 am

Did she ask him what kind of tree he'd be, if he were a tree?

nounverb911 May 25, 2012 at 11:07 am

One that was the right height, just before it was chopped down and shipped to China.

BerkeleyBear May 25, 2012 at 11:10 am

Why, a Michigan tree of course.

prommie May 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

An oak tree, with roots firmly bedded in church and community. . . .

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

…good strong roots in a town like Grosse Point, a solid Mormon trunk, and long, leafy branches to provide shade for handicapped kids on a hot summer day.

widestanceromance May 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

Umm, all of them?

Come here a minute May 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

Peggy Noonan interviewed a Mexican.

DahBoner May 25, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Ask a Mexican Mormon

niblick77 May 25, 2012 at 11:06 am

Mitt is just not comfortable in his human body………..

V572 Is this him? May 25, 2012 at 11:16 am

That's just a meat puppet. Mitt's consciousness was transferred to a massively-redundant set of processors and solid-state drives years ago, and is holographically projected from a satellite in geosynchronous orbit onto the animatronic simulacrum as required. This solution has certain limitations during cloudy weather ("Corporations are people too…" "I don't worry about the Poors") but has on the whole proven itself to be cost effective.

starfanglednut May 25, 2012 at 11:59 am

Although he does get quite buggy whenever someone uses a microwave in his vicinity. Makes for some interesting conversation in the kitchen.

ifthethunderdontgetya May 25, 2012 at 11:08 am

Martini Lady interviews tee-totaling magic underpantsman.

I hope she had a pitcher next to her while this was going on.
~

V572 Is this him? May 25, 2012 at 11:09 am

We drink Bloody Marys and mimosas until about 10:30, at which point it's okay to switch to beer. Lunch wants to be washed down with a fine rosé or Chablis. Then there's that long haul until cocktail time (5:30). Abstaining for that period proves you're not an alcoholic, again, which means you've earned your two Martinis while cooking dinner, and not more than half a nice bottle of 2008 Oregon Pinot Noir to accompany it.

A little 12-year-old single-malt for a nightcap, and then off to bed to prove once more that you can go six or seven hours without a drink and don't have a problem with it.

prommie May 25, 2012 at 11:13 am

My God, thats my day!

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 11:24 am

Rookies, trying to prove your quitters…

V572 Is this him? May 25, 2012 at 11:44 am

At least we know better than to go out drinking on New Year's Eve with all the amateurs.

actor212 May 25, 2012 at 11:58 am

Well, I'll grant you that, but the key question is, were you still drinking until the sun came up anyway?

prommie May 25, 2012 at 12:09 pm

How many martinis do you get from a full shaker? I count that as 2.

V572 Is this him? May 25, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Yes! Or maybe just one. One Martini = 1 shaker.

prommie May 25, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Well then, it is surely the soul of moderation, to have just one single cocktail of an evening?

V572 Is this him? May 25, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Some evenings three are required. I don’t want to have to do it, I don’t like doing it, but on occasion this regrettable necessity must happen.

prommie May 25, 2012 at 12:35 pm

For my pour-count I say 4 Our Fathers and a Hail mary, so I have already done my penance, as well.

MoeDeLawn May 25, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Too religious. I prefer to fall back on my military training. Invert bottle over large glass, wait 4 glugs, serve.

MLHencken May 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

A man after my own heart.

ibwilliamsi May 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

With a built in smile like that, how could you possibly wake up unhappy?

What's that? You say it's the billions that keep him and his family happy? Never mind…

EatsBabyDingos May 25, 2012 at 11:18 am

Peggy: "So you like babies and puppies."

Mitty: "Barbequed with ketchup, yes."

subsum May 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

I gots yer probin' right here, Mittens…

smitallica May 25, 2012 at 11:25 am

My GOD she's punchable.

OldWhiteLies May 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

"I Love The Interchange With Individuals That Are Probing And Pushing."

That's about the most human thing I've heard him say – I mean, who doesn't like porn after all.

Wait, did I miss something … ?

Callyson May 25, 2012 at 11:27 am

Have people hypothesized that Mitt is careful with words and statements? Because we really hadn’t realized that was a Thing, Ol’ Mittens being careful with words and statements.

"I like to fire people"

"I'm not concerned about the very poor"

$300K is "not much money"

Yeah, it's a Thing…depending on my mood, it's either a horror show or a barrel of laughs…

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 25, 2012 at 11:33 am

"Just borrow $20K from your parents and start a business"

DahBoner May 25, 2012 at 5:00 pm

"Corporations are people too"

Arken May 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

You shouldn't make faces like that, Peggy. It could freeze that way.

Oh?

Oh.

V572 Is this him? May 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

Re the alt-text: Peggs is a Chesterfield girl, almost certainly.

proudgrampa May 25, 2012 at 11:49 am

Fersure!

Callyson May 25, 2012 at 11:30 am

"I like competition, and I think the game is like a sport for old guys. I mean, you know, I can't compete in competitive sports very well, but I can compete in politics, and there's the—what was the old ABC 'Wide World of Sports' slogan? 'The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.' The only difference is victory is still a thrill, but I don't feel agony in loss."

Oh, good, so you'll pull a Gloria Gaynor and survive after the voters leave your sorry ass behind in November…

bureaucrap May 25, 2012 at 11:31 am

Lisa: "Mr. Burns, your campaign has the momentum of a freight train. To what do you attribute your incredible popularity?"

MissTaken May 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

Candidates on a campaign van look out the window and see America go by. They meet with people, talk. I asked Mr. Romney the difference between the America he saw in 2008 and the one he sees now.

♫ The pills of zanax go round and round ♫

rickmaci May 25, 2012 at 11:35 am

"I love the interchange with individuals that are probing and pushing."

Guess Mittenz takes after his great grandfather.

(This one is NooneyTunes' fault. It was an interview, she didn't have to put those words in the story. That she used them says more about her than him. What would Dr. Feud say?)

__kth__ May 25, 2012 at 11:39 am

Peggy Noonan may have her entire retirement 'invested' in Hummel figurines and Thomas Kinkade paintings, but the S&P 500 is at almost double the level it was at when Obama took office (obv. matters only if you have money left over after you've paid the light bill and bought a week's worth of hobo beans).

proudgrampa May 25, 2012 at 11:51 am

"Probing and Pushing"??!!??

Jesus H. Christ.

OneYieldRegular May 25, 2012 at 11:59 am

"Mitt is careful with words and statements…he edits his thoughts too severely."

This is one completely delusional thought that could use some severe editing.

elburritodeluxe May 25, 2012 at 12:29 pm

He means in his USB, you fucking perverts.

fuflans May 25, 2012 at 1:11 pm

whitest mash up ever.

smokefilledroommate May 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I like how the cartoon graphic included in the story has an option to 'enlarge image'. Who the hell would want to enlarge that?

DahBoner May 25, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Rich White People are robots too, my friends…

rocktonsam May 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm

I wonder if this schmuck could be a bigger asshole and he goes ahead and proves me wrong

wait until the lame stream media, I mean Fox News gets a hold of him.

ttommyunger May 26, 2012 at 11:33 pm

I googled "wealthy, white and totally out of touch" and got a link to this same fucking interview.

DahBoner May 25, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Unless they're short and fat, then they might "settle" for you…

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