Young Barry Obama Always Bogarted That Joint

  burn him

Look at this fucking drug addictBuzzfeed has THE SCOOP, because when doesn’t it? According to its “Users Guide to Smoking Pot With Barack Obama” (not afraid to be servicey!) Young Barry Obama was such a villainous smoker of drugs that he made all his Hawaiian Thug Life friends follow satanic rituals in order to partake, like the terrifying “penalties,” “roof hits,” “chooming” and “T.A.” Also? He would jump into the circle and shout INTERCEPTED! and grab the joint for an extra hit. According to Buzzfeed, “nobody seemed to mind.” Is that likely, Wonkers? (No. That is not likely.)

Apparently David Maraniss is done being excerpted about Young Barack’s ghostwritten love letters, and now is the time for crunchy stony excerpts. (A small note, though, Mr. Maraniss: According to our Hawaii-born mama, “pakalolo” doesn’t mean “numbing tobacco.” It means “stupid smoke.” We are going to trust her on this, not you, because why the fuck would weed be called “numbing tobacco,” that is just lame.)

[Buzzfeed]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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108 comments

  1. CivicHoliday

    Does make one wonder why he is so unwilling to discuss legalizing pot. Oh wait…more for him that way…

    1. TheGyrus

      We need to get Joe Biden to say something embarrassing about how everyone should have the freedom to smoke the weed, and then Barry will come out in favor of it the next week.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      I remember smoking dope in the late 70s, early 80s, which is the last time I did it with any regularity. Everyone had about four pounds of the stuff on hand precisely because it wasn't very good shit. Not like the crazy-strong stuff I keep hearing about today.

      We never bogarted, we'd roll everyone in the room their own joint, smoke 'em up and roll some more. Sometimes we even got a buzz on.

  2. metamarcisf

    Looking at this president smoking a doobie gives me an overwhelming desire to talk to him about Martians.

  3. DaSandman

    And while all this fun was happening, Mittens was going through peoples dorm rooms looking for change and whatever loot he could carry. He called it "Baining!"

    1. Terry

      I've never smoked pot or cigarettes because I was raised around people with serious lung disease (smokers, coal miners, coal miners who smoked). Didn't really encourage me to suck stuff down into my lungs. Beer and tequila are a different matter entirely.

      1. GemlikeFlame

        You inhale beer and tequila? I thought I was hardcore, but I take my hat off to you.

    2. Dashboard Buddha

      But what if someone doesn't like the smell or is perhaps made too paranoid and hungry by it? :'-(

    3. MissTaken

      Ah hell, even my grandpa who was born in the late teens smoked hash. I think he even smoked with my 15 yo dad when they spent a summer in Texas trolling around border bars banging hookers and drinking moonshine.

    4. Gunner Asch

      Date bullseye. I was born in '47, my sister in '44, and she and her friends were horrified by the evil, unamerican behavior of me and my friends in smoking that awful drug.

  4. BaldarTFlagass

    "He would jump into the circle and shout INTERCEPTED! and grab the joint for an extra hit."

    I know this guy! Fucker!

    1. Baconzgood

      Even worse he'd take the record off without asking and force you to listen to his shitty music.

  5. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Perhaps, at long last, THIS will be the silver bullet to bring down this monster's presidency and restore freedom to America!

  6. ingloriousbytch

    Barry's all for socialism until it comes to the weed, then Atlas starts shrugging like a mothafucker.

  7. Mittens Howell, III

    Sometimes Mitt Romney would guzzle up to two malted milks in a crazed dairy session while subjecting friends to "penalties" such as: 'Haircut!" "Fired!" and "You Be The Doggy, I'll Be The Driver"

  8. BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if he was one of those guys that would "shoot the run" on the joint with some of his saliva. Great, dude, now I have to smoke your spit? I think I'm done.

    1. UnholyMoses

      One wouldn't have to do such a thing if the person rolling the doobie had done so correctly.

      (insert smile emoticon here.)

      Of course, if you've done shrooms, you ate cow shit, so it's all relative.

        1. UnholyMoses

          But they are so very much worth it.

          'Specially at a Pink Floyd concert/Grateful Dead show.

          **reminisces**

  9. MasterDebater

    Funny to see these generational shifts. To some baby boomers, What Were YOU Doing During Vietnam and But Did You Inhale were important issues in our identity politics. You get to Barry's generation and no one cares.

    What's going to be really funny to watch is when Krystal Ball, Jon Favreau and every other girl/guy who's ever gone on spring break to Cabo with a smartphone hits that magical age when it's their turn to run for everything. There will be some hand-wringing when all those hundreds of pictures of you doing insanely dumb stuff (while naked/stoned) hit the airwaves. And then when Krystal's and Jon's nieces/nephews run for office, no one will care. In fact, if there isn't some grainy cellphone video of you blowing some guy in a changing room/bathroom stall on whatever takes over from YouTube, you won't be considered "hip" for office.

    What I'm saying, basically, is Meghan McCain 2028. You heard it here first!

  10. glamourdammerung

    Shame he was not out doing something useful to society at that age, mainly committing hate crimes like Willard.

  11. BarackMyWorld

    And months from now we'll learn Mitt snuck a sip of Pepsi once at a Bain company picnic in 1983.

  12. Goonemeritus

    Americans typically only vote for Presidents they can see themselves sharing a joint with.

    1. biblioteq_tress

      If only that were true. We have only elected presidents that we can see nose-hosing our coke and being an asshole to us an hour later, or locking up the good booze before the holiday party.

      Yeah, I'm looking at you, Bush boys, I'm looking at you.

  13. actor212

    Great! Just as the nation begins to take a tolerant attitude towards weed, the only weed I'm interested in is psyllium.

    Old age: kids, don't let this happen to you!

  14. proudgrampa

    Time for some Classic Cheech and Chong:

    "No stems, no seeds,
    That you don't need,
    Acapulco Gold is
    Bad Ass WEED."

    "Acapulco Gold Filters — Short in the Leaf, Long in the Can!"

    "It's some BAD WEED."

  15. UnholyMoses

    I bet the President gets the best weed.

    Probably the stuff the DOJ has seized from totally legal operations in California (right after saying the DOJ wouldn't do any such thing).

    Legalize it and I'll advertise it.

  16. Mumbletypeg

    So what I've gotten so far from this morning's wonknews bulletin is: Republicans endorse profanity via Tourette legislation; Meghan says what few Republicans are willing to admit nor hear admitted out loud; and acc. to the Buzzfeed thingy:

    In [Barry's] Choom Gang, all V's were created equal.

    This is the best morning-n'-america EVAR. Gimme some more of that!~

  17. ManchuCandidate

    I was gonna be a sleeper agent before I got high
    I coulda led a Mao Mao revolution but I got high
    I am now the centrist preznit of US America and I know why
    - cause I got high
    - cause I got high
    - cause I got hiiiiiiigh

  18. HistoriBarb

    “penalties,” “roof hits,” “chooming” and “T.A.” – Huh?

    God, I am so unhip.

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      Same here. If it wasn't for the Urban Dictionary and Google, I would never know what the hell was going on.

    1. An_Outhouse

      Decriminalization won't help – there will still be gangsters controlling the distribution. Legalize it already.

  19. UW8316154

    Sounds like Barry grew up in paradise!

    News flash for Buzzfeed: middle-class white kids in Cali were doing the exact same things, but without the panache. Fast Times At Ridgemont High could have been a documentary.

    1. Chichikovobarb

      True. In fact, the movie was based on a purportedly non-fiction book of the same name by Cameron Crowe, at the time a journalist for Rolling Stone who had spend a year "undercover" as a senior in high school.

    2. MosesInvests

      I knew a guy just like Spicoli in high school. It was a prep school with a dress code, so he'd wear aloha shirts with a tie. Had 1st period algebra with him-you always knew whether or not he'd be in class, by listening to the surf report on the radio in the morning. Good waves-Parrish wasn't gonna be there.

  20. SexySmurf

    I was going to pass meaningful financial reform until I got high
    I was going to close Gitmo until I got high
    I'll do it next term and I know why
    'cause I got high
    'cause I got high
    'cause I got high

  21. An_Outhouse

    As long as he didn't hold you down and cut off your hair while he was stealing your weed, you got nothin' to complain about.

  22. Chichikovobarb

    The article is just one devastating revelation after another. Witness:

    In another section of the [senior] yearbook, students were given a block of space to express thanks and define their high school experience.
    Nestled below [Obama's] photographs was one odd line of gratitude: "Thanks Tut, Gramps, Choom Gang, and Ray for all the good times." … A hippie drug-dealer made his acknowledgments; his own mother did not.

    A teenager doesn't talk about his mother, but rather his friends, on a page devoted to high school experiences. Obviously a future Hitler and Stalin combined.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      And he didn't even mention his birf certificat or the secret plan to make him president.

      That's one crafty totalitarian socialist.

  23. BornInATrailer

    This article is giving me a "then why the fuck is Barack going after dispensaries" contact high.

  24. Billmatic

    If Barry still blazed like this I'd be okay with him, though I'd want him to grow up and JUST SMOKE IT YO.

  25. Pithaughn

    Here's a tip for any partakers who are venturing to the 4 corners area. There are water pipes carved into some rock outcroppings near a park named after a dead animal. It is fun to toke straight from a giant cliff.

  26. ttommyunger

    Ass, Cash or Grass, man. Nobody rides for free, except Peggy "The Lush" Noonington and Willard, the "Bully Barber".

  27. LloydDrako

    Obviously a lie, or Obama would be dead. No circle of stoners would tolerate his practice of "interception." Enraged by his violation of protocol, and stripped of all moral restraint by the effects of the drug, they would have ripped his face off and stuffed it down his throat.

  28. mrpuma2u

    Dang I was too slow on the draw. Nicely played sir. I wonder if it was Maui Wowie, I mean he did live in HI.

  29. actor212

    Oh, I'm sure there were plenty times in the Clinton White House when he inhaled.

    I personally never bought that story, because he smoked cigars. Now, you don't inahle 'gars but second hand smoke hangs heavy in the air, and if he really had "asthma" and it stopped him from toking, the cigar would have sent him to the hospital

  30. Lascauxcaveman

    Oh, please. Everyone knows the cigars were just a smokescreen to mask the pervading odor of ganja. And pussy.

  31. OldWhiteLies

    Oh geeze. Pull over DB. I'll drive for a while. You go sit in back and wig until it smooths out.

    And yes – it's the NW – everybody has ski racks here – hell we even put them on pickup trucks.

  32. proudgrampa

    "…hell we even put them on pickup trucks. "

    I don't know why, but that is the funniest thing I have read today.

Comments are closed.