Look at this fucking drug addictBuzzfeed has THE SCOOP, because when doesn’t it? According to its “Users Guide to Smoking Pot With Barack Obama” (not afraid to be servicey!) Young Barry Obama was such a villainous smoker of drugs that he made all his Hawaiian Thug Life friends follow satanic rituals in order to partake, like the terrifying “penalties,” “roof hits,” “chooming” and “T.A.” Also? He would jump into the circle and shout INTERCEPTED! and grab the joint for an extra hit. According to Buzzfeed, “nobody seemed to mind.” Is that likely, Wonkers? (No. That is not likely.)

Apparently David Maraniss is done being excerpted about Young Barack’s ghostwritten love letters, and now is the time for crunchy stony excerpts. (A small note, though, Mr. Maraniss: According to our Hawaii-born mama, “pakalolo” doesn’t mean “numbing tobacco.” It means “stupid smoke.” We are going to trust her on this, not you, because why the fuck would weed be called “numbing tobacco,” that is just lame.)


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  • Yet another reason why Barry is the coolest motherfucker in politics.

    • The hat alone buys him points in my book

    • ElPinche

      Amen Chily …amen .

  • ChernobylSoup

    It's not illegal if the president does it.

  • StarsUponThars

    Puff Puff Pass Libel!

  • PubOption

    This use of the word 'choom' must cause confusion in Australia.

  • CivicHoliday

    Does make one wonder why he is so unwilling to discuss legalizing pot. Oh wait…more for him that way…

    • TheGyrus

      We need to get Joe Biden to say something embarrassing about how everyone should have the freedom to smoke the weed, and then Barry will come out in favor of it the next week.

  • Baconzgood

    (sound of bong gurgling)


    • CapeClod

      Nothing. Carry on.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I bet he always had the killer shit, too.

    • Schwag is for Paultards.

    • Hawaiian, man. Maui wowie. Primo stuff. I'd move to Hawaii and live on the lava flows just to be near a farm

      • proudgrampa

        It is some good shit.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I remember smoking dope in the late 70s, early 80s, which is the last time I did it with any regularity. Everyone had about four pounds of the stuff on hand precisely because it wasn't very good shit. Not like the crazy-strong stuff I keep hearing about today.

      We never bogarted, we'd roll everyone in the room their own joint, smoke 'em up and roll some more. Sometimes we even got a buzz on.

  • metamarcisf

    Looking at this president smoking a doobie gives me an overwhelming desire to talk to him about Martians.

    • C_R_Eature

      I'd like to ask him if there's really Life on Mars

  • DaSandman

    And while all this fun was happening, Mittens was going through peoples dorm rooms looking for change and whatever loot he could carry. He called it "Baining!"

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Chilled stoner beats uptight haircutter any day.

  • elburritodeluxe

    I think it's crazy smoke, lolo wahine.

  • SorosBot

    I wouldn't trust anyone born after 1945 or so who had never tried marijuana.

    • Terry

      I've never smoked pot or cigarettes because I was raised around people with serious lung disease (smokers, coal miners, coal miners who smoked). Didn't really encourage me to suck stuff down into my lungs. Beer and tequila are a different matter entirely.

      • Brownie buzzes aren't too bad, btw

      • GemlikeFlame

        You inhale beer and tequila? I thought I was hardcore, but I take my hat off to you.

    • Bro, you holding?

    • UW8316154

      That's a little *harsh* now, isn't it?

    • Especially children.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      But what if someone doesn't like the smell or is perhaps made too paranoid and hungry by it? :'-(

    • MissTaken

      Ah hell, even my grandpa who was born in the late teens smoked hash. I think he even smoked with my 15 yo dad when they spent a summer in Texas trolling around border bars banging hookers and drinking moonshine.

    • Date bullseye. I was born in '47, my sister in '44, and she and her friends were horrified by the evil, unamerican behavior of me and my friends in smoking that awful drug.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "He would jump into the circle and shout INTERCEPTED! and grab the joint for an extra hit."

    I know this guy! Fucker!

    • Baconzgood

      Even worse he'd take the record off without asking and force you to listen to his shitty music.

  • Baconzgood

    I bet if you're the POTUS you get some good cronic.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Secret Service can probably hook you up lickety-split.

      • They're stocked with coke now!

        • UW8316154

          Hookers and blow!

  • freakishlywrong

    This makes me only love him more..

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Perhaps, at long last, THIS will be the silver bullet to bring down this monster's presidency and restore freedom to America!

  • ingloriousbytch

    Barry's all for socialism until it comes to the weed, then Atlas starts shrugging like a mothafucker.


  • C_R_Eature

    Finish the fucking story! What about the glands?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Sometimes Mitt Romney would guzzle up to two malted milks in a crazed dairy session while subjecting friends to "penalties" such as: 'Haircut!" "Fired!" and "You Be The Doggy, I'll Be The Driver"

  • “pakalolo” doesn’t mean “numbing tobacco.” It means “stupid smoke.”

    Wacky tabacky, to be precise, 'Trixie

  • Beetagger

    Next thing you know, he'll be attacking the Free Mexican Air Force.

  • You better listen up! "If you're gonna smoke pot, be prepared to spend a lot of time laughing with your friends. Think about it."

    • montreal_bruin

      Jellyneck libel!!!!11!!

    • Wait….I'm supposed to be stoned when that happens?

      I'm doin it rong.

  • Stoners, you too can be president one day.

    • ProgressiveInga

      Doritos libel!

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I could have run for president /
      But I got high

  • niblick77

    …..and if you don't like it pass the blunt to the nigga on your left.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if he was one of those guys that would "shoot the run" on the joint with some of his saliva. Great, dude, now I have to smoke your spit? I think I'm done.

    • prommie

      Don't be such a tightass, jeeze.

    • Nesnora

      Ugh I HATE that. Worse than that is lipstick.

    • UnholyMoses

      One wouldn't have to do such a thing if the person rolling the doobie had done so correctly.

      (insert smile emoticon here.)

      Of course, if you've done shrooms, you ate cow shit, so it's all relative.

      • If you're lucky, they used cowshit. Mushrooms grow in any kind of shit.

        • UnholyMoses

          But they are so very much worth it.

          'Specially at a Pink Floyd concert/Grateful Dead show.


  • sharethegrief

    Barry walks really well for someone who's had polio.

  • MasterDebater

    Funny to see these generational shifts. To some baby boomers, What Were YOU Doing During Vietnam and But Did You Inhale were important issues in our identity politics. You get to Barry's generation and no one cares.

    What's going to be really funny to watch is when Krystal Ball, Jon Favreau and every other girl/guy who's ever gone on spring break to Cabo with a smartphone hits that magical age when it's their turn to run for everything. There will be some hand-wringing when all those hundreds of pictures of you doing insanely dumb stuff (while naked/stoned) hit the airwaves. And then when Krystal's and Jon's nieces/nephews run for office, no one will care. In fact, if there isn't some grainy cellphone video of you blowing some guy in a changing room/bathroom stall on whatever takes over from YouTube, you won't be considered "hip" for office.

    What I'm saying, basically, is Meghan McCain 2028. You heard it here first!

    • proudgrampa


      Oh, yeah.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Next they'll say he frequented a crack seed store!

  • glamourdammerung

    Shame he was not out doing something useful to society at that age, mainly committing hate crimes like Willard.

  • not that Radio

    Ganj you can believe in!

  • BarackMyWorld

    And months from now we'll learn Mitt snuck a sip of Pepsi once at a Bain company picnic in 1983.

    • Sparky McGruff

      I'm pretty sure it was caffeine free diet pepsi.

  • Goonemeritus

    Americans typically only vote for Presidents they can see themselves sharing a joint with.

    • biblioteq_tress

      If only that were true. We have only elected presidents that we can see nose-hosing our coke and being an asshole to us an hour later, or locking up the good booze before the holiday party.

      Yeah, I'm looking at you, Bush boys, I'm looking at you.

  • Great! Just as the nation begins to take a tolerant attitude towards weed, the only weed I'm interested in is psyllium.

    Old age: kids, don't let this happen to you!

  • proudgrampa

    Time for some Classic Cheech and Chong:

    "No stems, no seeds,
    That you don't need,
    Acapulco Gold is
    Bad Ass WEED."

    "Acapulco Gold Filters — Short in the Leaf, Long in the Can!"

    "It's some BAD WEED."

    • UnholyMoses

      I gotta basketball jones …

  • UnholyMoses

    I bet the President gets the best weed.

    Probably the stuff the DOJ has seized from totally legal operations in California (right after saying the DOJ wouldn't do any such thing).

    Legalize it and I'll advertise it.

    • Me_K_Cong

      Memories of tobacco advertising is THE reason why Americans won't legalize weed.

  • So what I've gotten so far from this morning's wonknews bulletin is: Republicans endorse profanity via Tourette legislation; Meghan says what few Republicans are willing to admit nor hear admitted out loud; and acc. to the Buzzfeed thingy:

    In [Barry's] Choom Gang, all V's were created equal.

    This is the best morning-n'-america EVAR. Gimme some more of that!~

  • I was gonna be a sleeper agent before I got high
    I coulda led a Mao Mao revolution but I got high
    I am now the centrist preznit of US America and I know why
    – cause I got high
    – cause I got high
    – cause I got hiiiiiiigh

  • C_R_Eature

    Sure, smoking Pot is all fun and games until somebody turns into a Lizard.

    • crybabyboehner

      or eats a whole bag of Cheetos.

      • C_R_Eature

        or eats a whole bag of Cheetos mealworms.

  • HistoriBarb

    “penalties,” “roof hits,” “chooming” and “T.A.” – Huh?

    God, I am so unhip.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Same here. If it wasn't for the Urban Dictionary and Google, I would never know what the hell was going on.

  • ElPinche

    Yo Bams, then decriminalize that shit.

    • An_Outhouse

      Decriminalization won't help – there will still be gangsters controlling the distribution. Legalize it already.

      • ElPinche

        I was thinking baby steps, but I like the cut of your jib.

  • Weed for me, but not for thee.

  • UW8316154

    Sounds like Barry grew up in paradise!

    News flash for Buzzfeed: middle-class white kids in Cali were doing the exact same things, but without the panache. Fast Times At Ridgemont High could have been a documentary.

    • Chichikovobarb

      True. In fact, the movie was based on a purportedly non-fiction book of the same name by Cameron Crowe, at the time a journalist for Rolling Stone who had spend a year "undercover" as a senior in high school.

    • MosesInvests

      I knew a guy just like Spicoli in high school. It was a prep school with a dress code, so he'd wear aloha shirts with a tie. Had 1st period algebra with him-you always knew whether or not he'd be in class, by listening to the surf report on the radio in the morning. Good waves-Parrish wasn't gonna be there.

  • bflrtsplk

    Anybody got any papers? The cat hid my water pipe again.

  • SexySmurf

    I was going to pass meaningful financial reform until I got high
    I was going to close Gitmo until I got high
    I'll do it next term and I know why
    'cause I got high
    'cause I got high
    'cause I got high

  • prommie

    Barack's not here, man.

  • An_Outhouse

    As long as he didn't hold you down and cut off your hair while he was stealing your weed, you got nothin' to complain about.

  • Chichikovobarb

    The article is just one devastating revelation after another. Witness:

    In another section of the [senior] yearbook, students were given a block of space to express thanks and define their high school experience.
    Nestled below [Obama's] photographs was one odd line of gratitude: "Thanks Tut, Gramps, Choom Gang, and Ray for all the good times." … A hippie drug-dealer made his acknowledgments; his own mother did not.

    A teenager doesn't talk about his mother, but rather his friends, on a page devoted to high school experiences. Obviously a future Hitler and Stalin combined.

    • Generation[redacted]

      And he didn't even mention his birf certificat or the secret plan to make him president.

      That's one crafty totalitarian socialist.

  • BornInATrailer

    This article is giving me a "then why the fuck is Barack going after dispensaries" contact high.

  • __kth__

    Something tells me Jack Cashill will find these latest tales more believable.

  • Billmatic

    If Barry still blazed like this I'd be okay with him, though I'd want him to grow up and JUST SMOKE IT YO.

  • Pithaughn

    Here's a tip for any partakers who are venturing to the 4 corners area. There are water pipes carved into some rock outcroppings near a park named after a dead animal. It is fun to toke straight from a giant cliff.

  • fuflans

    he's also wearing a fucking bracelet.

    • Dildeaux

      Its a QRay!!1!

  • crybabyboehner

    It's all fun and games until somebody eats a whole bag of Cheetos.

  • TribecaMike

    "Mitt's not here, man."

  • ttommyunger

    Ass, Cash or Grass, man. Nobody rides for free, except Peggy "The Lush" Noonington and Willard, the "Bully Barber".

  • LloydDrako

    Obviously a lie, or Obama would be dead. No circle of stoners would tolerate his practice of "interception." Enraged by his violation of protocol, and stripped of all moral restraint by the effects of the drug, they would have ripped his face off and stuffed it down his throat.

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