and chachi too

Who Would Win In A Barfight: Joe The Plumber Or Joe The Biden?

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Needs moar punchingHandsome Old Joe Biden explained the other day that being a Bain executive doesn’t make you any more special or ready to be president than would being a plumber. Maybe we are wrong (we are not wrong) but it sounds to us like Handsome Old Joe is standing up for the working man, the middle class workers or blue collar workers, and saying being a fat-cat corporate vulture doesn’t give you any more special expertise than those other Joes have! You’re not so special, Mr. Fancy Pants, we hear Joe yelling, all sexy like, in our perfect shell-shaped ear. “Joe” “the Plumber” took great offense to this, because he’s a fucking idiot. Here, watch Mr. the Plumber try to use words and sentences to pick a fight.

“It was insulting … for Joe Biden to sit there and say who can be president and who not, who’s qualified and who isn’t, is just asinine, especially with the track record they left behind them,” Wuzelbacher told Fox News. “If I was this administration or Joe Biden himself I wouldn’t want anyone looking at my record and sitting there talking about how great we are and you should be sitting down there.”

“The middle class workers or blue collar workers, we can do it, and, this election cycle we’re going to do it,” he said. “People are going to see it happen and it’s going to be great, so they’re going to be eating those words.”

Good sentences, “Joe”! You got Sarah Palin feeding you lines through your special George W. Bush Debate-Bulge 3000?

Will Joe the Biden respond to this bald-headed attempt to get attention? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE. Joe the Biden is way too Fonzie to even pay attention to such blithering. Nope, he’d let him tire his own self out, and then POW RIGHT TO THE KISSER.

[Politico]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • nounverb911

    Biden by a knockout in the first round.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Joe would pull off his gloves and exit the ring before the fight started.

  • DrunkIrishman

    Biden would literally kick his ass.

    • Terry

      Then have a shot and a beer.

  • nounverb911

    Wuzelbacher isn't qualified to be an unlicensed plumber.

    • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

      I believe the official term for "unlicensed plumber" is "Handy Man"

      • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

        …that lazy goddamned maintenance guy

    • LetUsBray

      He's not even qualified to be named Joe.

      • Beowoof

        As a Joe in real life who has actually learned how to do plumbing, in a real live public school, I have always resented McCain hanging this name on him and insinuating he is a plumber.

  • http://wonkette.com ChilLysol

    You are kidding, right? Biden would skullfuck this little retard, put him in trunk of the Camaro and dump his ass in the Mexican desert.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Headless, in the Arizona desert.

    • Wile E. Barbote

      Then he'd go back to Ohio and plant trees all over Wurzelbacher's yard just to make sure that everyone knew that it didn't pay to fuck with Joe Biden.

    • Beowoof

      I think it would be something akin to the Joe Pesci death scene in Casino.

    • Terry

      Naw, Biden's from the mid-Atlantic. The body would be dumped in a wetland somewhere or buried in the endzone of a football field.

      • sewollef

        I believe there might be a slot available in one of the pillars of the Verrazano Bridge — it's due a renovation. He can join a certain missing union leader.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Looks like somebody brought a knife to a gun fight.

    • Nostrildamus

      And it wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.

    • BerkeleyBear

      More like a dull pair of safety scissors (Joe the Sam isn't allowed to play with sharp things).

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Paper to a rock fight, maybe?

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, a butter knife.

  • Callyson

    “It was insulting … for Joe Biden to sit there and say who can be president and who not, who’s qualified and who isn’t, is just asinine, especially with the track record they left behind them,” Wuzelbacher told Fox News.

    Yeah, that's what I said about the Republicans in 2008, and that's what more and more Americans are saying about them after seeing the Tea Party in action..

    Wait, he was referring to someone else?

    • miss_grundy

      What is it about stupid Ohioans that makes you want to punch them out. I know there are a lot of stupid people in Toledo but would they really give this dipshit a congressional seat? They can't be that stupid, oh wait!

  • edgydrifter

    Wurzelbacher is offended because Biden didn't include "fake plumbers" in his list of people qualified to be president.

  • Barb

    The only thing we actually do really know about this Joe the plumber is that he's opinionated, he's extremely conservative, and we're not so sure about the plumbing. Oh my God, he's Ann Coulter!

    -Bill Maher

    • nounverb911

      Joe's certainly more feminine than Coulter.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I thought that Bill Maher knew all about Ann Coulter's plumbing, and then some.

    • flamingpdog

      Has anyone ever seen Orly Taitz's plumbing (and lived to tell about it)? I never noticed it before one of last night's blog posts (never barely lucid enough to even want to look at her pictures), but she looks kind of manly from my perspective. As a woman (or at least posing as a woman on teh Wonkette), have you ever noticed anything like that?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

     

  • el_donaldo

    If I was this administration or Joe Biden himself I wouldn’t want anyone looking at my record and sitting there talking about how great we are and you should be sitting down there.

    No, you should be sitting down there. And shutting up. You're making my head hurt.

  • ElPinche

    You know that head stomping scene in Drive? Biden=Ryan Gosling , Joe the Fake=The aftermath on Biden's shoe. ..theatrically speaking, of cooouurse.

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Biden would make Joe's plumbing leak

  • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

    ZOMFG. He needs a translator, STAT!

    Fuck. He needs a stat.

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      I know! I cannot for the life of me make the slightest bit of sense out of what he said.

      Oh, and HI, Z!!!!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        "I know! I cannot for the life of me make the slightest bit of sense out of what he said."

        Word Salad Soldiers for Freedums don't need to make sense. They know some words & will use them however they want for the 2nd amendment, Jesus, and other stuf! Like Shakespeare!

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          Dear god, if Shakespeare could see these lackwits and their abuse of the English language, he'd give Robert Greene a fine dose of "upstart crow" for dinner.

      • Geminisunmars

        You need to be fluent in TeaPartian, and by TeaPartian I mean Bagnerian, and by Bagnerian I mean Palinese, and by Pali…

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          The same thing happened when I tried to read one of Hitler's speeches. Absolute fucking gibberish. I told a friend I couldn't understand it, and he reassured me by telling me that it was a good thing.

          • Geminisunmars

            My husband, who was a child in Berlin during the Hitler years, says that his speeches would start out somewhat understandably and quickly descend into slathering babble. He always thought that he just didn't understand the Austrian accent and dialect.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Hey, sweetpea! (Hugs the li'l nut tight)

        • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

          *Hugs teh Z back

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Joe could do with the charm of a meth head.

    • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Johnny-Appletruth/133951326629923?sk=wall deanbooth

      The random sprinkling of commas doesn't help.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Sigh. These people are insane. It's as if they have declared that ALL rules are bad and to be flouted, including the rules of grammar. Perhaps they misread it as "gramma?" Let's hope they soon attempt to flout the laws of physics. You know, for a look at why exactly they're called LAWS of physics, rather than, say "suggestions of physics." They feel no obligation to make sense or to learn what passes for communication among humans.

        • flamingpdog

          I wish they'd reject the Law of Gravity.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            We'll Need Stronger Umbrellas If This Keeps Up.

            So to speak, of course.

          • tessiee

            Near the edge of a cliff.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Biden, because he would point to Joe the Plumber's feet and go "What's that?" Sam would look down and then Joe would smash a bar stool over his head.

    Then the Loonie Toons music would play.

  • nounverb911

    I would imagine the fight would go a little like this. DOWN GOES FRAZIER!

    • Nostrildamus

      Not this?

      • nounverb911

        That'll work too, also.

        • flamingpdog

          In Joe's case, I was thinking more like this, but your's works for sure.

  • Werner_Voss

    " Joe the Biden is way too Fonzie …."

    That has to be the funniest thing I've read in months. Or did the author mean 'Fozzie,' as in Bear? }:{

  • Callyson

    Actually, this could happen–Joe the Plumber could be a surprise pick for Veep, to shore up the working class voters who are delusional enough to vote for the Reeps. Wouldn't be the first utterly unqualified VP nomination from the Repubs…

    …and the VP nomination could take place in a wrestling arena. It's on, bitches!

  • rocktonsam

    The Joe that has never been a pussy, that's who would win.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    After Biden's done with him I'm guessing Wurzelbacher would have to call a 'real plumber' to help fish his head out of the S-bend.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    To paraphrase what the people in those annoying AT&T commercials would say, "This guy is so 4 years ago."

    • OldWhiteLies

      May I?

      "This guy is so 4 years ago never was."

      Hows that?

  • rickmaci

    Joey "Enforcer" Biden vs. Joe "Not Really a Plumber" Weezelbagger .

    Who do you think would win, like Douchelbagger would even show up.

    • Terry

      Come to think about it, Joey the Enforcer's elderly mother (God rest her soul) could have taken down Joe "not really a plumber".

  • Goonemeritus

    Biden’s Mom would send Joe home crying like a little debutant that no one would dance with at her first cotillion.

  • cognachas4paws

    I saw this guy doing an interview the other day and I think it is safe to say he is not qualified to be a dog catcher, much less President.

  • fuflans

    Who Would Win In A Barfight: Joe The Plumber Or Joe The Biden?

    gods of comedy.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Well, Joe the Biden managed to be a Vice President and a Senator and is really named Joe. Joe the Plumber, whose name is Sam, never even managed to be a real Plumber. Or a Joe.

  • Rotundo_

    Sam the Wurzlebacher (a new Dr. Seuss character, that resembles a sphincter with bug eyes and skinny little arms?) really needs to let someone else speak for him; I know that the "folksy one of us" crap probably sells to hoopleheads like the average Republican voter, but it would make him sound less stupid.

  • JackObin

    Who wins the fight depends on who took their straight jacket off first.

  • SayItWithWookies

    On Tuesday, Biden said that working in private equity, like Mitt Romney did at Bain Capital, “no more qualifies you to be president than being a plumber. And, by the way, there are a lot of awful smart plumbers.”

    Wait a minute now — Real Joe actually said something nice about plumbers and its meaning is that anybody can be president — and Fake Joe starts bitching about it? I guess if Fake Joe knew the meaning of words and sentences he wouldn't be a teabagger — but still, that's some Mariana Trench of Stupid he's plumbing the depths of right there.

    • Terry

      Real Joe probably has a couple of cousins who are real plumbers and who make more than he does as VP.

  • sharethegrief

    Plumbers always be showing off their buttcracks.

    • calliecallie

      In this case by opening his mouth. Ew.

  • bumfug

    Biden would say, "Hey! Somebody dropped a nickel!" and when Joe The Unlicensed Wrench Handler looked around for it – Wham! Kicked right in the nuts!

  • Dashboard Buddha

    “It was insulting … for Joe Biden to sit there and say who can be president and who not, who’s qualified and who isn’t, is just asinine, especially with the track record they left behind them,”

    Holy shit! He just said who can be president or not while complaining that Joe Biden was saying who should be president or not.

    Either that was total evil genius bullshit, or he's numb as a hake.

    (I'm thinking hake…how about you?)

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Also rake, snake and cake.

      • Geminisunmars

        I'd like to see that fake as the star of a wake.

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          (Hands Gold Star to Gem) I don't see CRE_ature around, and it's time SOMEone handed out gold stars around here.

          • Geminisunmars

            Thank you, tpc. Your gold stars are like platinum to me.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            SOMEbody needs one of THESE, too. (Hugs Gem with teh Mighty Hug of Goodness)

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Hake, fershure.

    • calliecallie

      hake with shake and bake.

      • Dashboard Buddha

        Sounds fishy to me.

  • BerkeleyBear

    "No one really wants Biden unleashing the Gun Show on this punk, do they? Oh, they do? (ripping sounds, suit sleeves pulled away to reveal Hulk Hogan-esque pythons) Bring it on, bitches!"

    The silence is only disturbed by the noise of Sam the Not Plumber's retreating feet and a plop, plop, plop of the fear crap he took falling out the bottom of his trousers.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      He Romneyed? You saying Sam Wurzelbacher ROMNEYED?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    well said, Joe Sam the plumber nobody, well said indeed.

  • James Michael Curley

    Biden vs. Wuzelbacher in Zaire – The Rumble in the Jungle cause Joe the Plumber ain't licensed in any state in the US.

  • sbj1964

    Joe Biden " Flawless Victory" Mortal Combat.

  • GortRay

    Curly the Plumber is a Faux News punditiot now? Wow, he must be wicked smaht!

  • CrunchyKnee

    Wait a second, Fox news is still on?

    • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

      Sorry to say.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Honestly, I can't believe this choad has managed to parlay a "career" out of simply asking a question at an Obama campaign stop.

    • Fare la Volpe

      A question that was a lie.

    • timbo71351

      Once again, fuck you John McCain.

  • HarryButtle

    Can you smell what the Biden is cooking?

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Is it a large bowl of whoopass, by any chance?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Hey, guys! Don't worry, I'll translate. I took four years of Stupidese in college, although I never reached fluency, I was proficient enough to spend time in northern Florida and get around without needing a dictionary.

    What he said was "Joe Biden works for a black president and they think they are better than us and can tell us what to do. But he's not the boss of me!"

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      (Hands anniegetyerfun a Gold Star) That was spot on.

    • Negropolis

      Bingo!

  • ChuckieJesus

    That picture of Mr. Non-Plumber looks like White Herman Cain. Is the .gif broken? Shouldn't he slide into a grin?

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Everytime I see that creepy, leering mug, I want to call up My Favourite Little Girl to make sure she's nowhere NEAR that slimebag.

    • rocktonsam

      I bet he ain't getting laid at all

    • anniegetyerfun

      My gods, you're right. The resemblance is uncanny.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    “The middle class workers or blue collar workers, we can do it, and, this election cycle we’re going to do it,” he said. “People are going to see it happen and it’s going to be great, so they’re going to be eating those words.”

    So, what Mr. Wuzelbacher is saying is that all the workers have to lose is their chains?

    • shortsandpants

      He's not saying anything, me thinks. The chip in his brain hasn't been updated since McCain sold him up the river.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        I thought HE sold McCain, dood.

      • sewollef

        It's still running windows 3.1.

        As in, it barely functions as an operating system and was generally received as a laughing stock.

        Meet Wurzlebacher 3.1

  • chascates

    Look, Romney probably isn't qualified to run any Fortune 500 company and Joe the Plumber probably runs a shitty plumbing business.
    Government is not a business, it does not have the same goals and responsibilities. One thing we can be sure of: stupid people should not run for public office but they're the only ones who want the jobs for the most part.

    • Negropolis

      To be clear, Samuel is not an actual, certified plumber.

    • sewollef

      " …… stupid people should not run for public office but they're the only ones who want the jobs for the most part."

      Sad but mostly true.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I had forgotten how byzantine Happy Days had become in it's declining years.

  • gogogodzilla

    Biden would bite his ear off.

  • pinkocommi

    “The middle class workers or blue collar workers, we can do it, and, this election cycle we’re going to do it.”

    By what, electing Mittens? Because he has so much in common with middle class and blue collar workers. I mean, some of his closest friends own middle class and blue collar workers.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Mittens will be excellent for a lot of middle-class and blue collar workers, especially if they like extended unpaid vacations.

      • radio-of-owls

        And untreated medical conditions. Lots and lots of untreated medical conditions.

        • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Cash for clunker lard-rovers? Not under Presidente Mittens!

          You'll be lucky to get a buck for your self-inflicted bullet, cancer-oldz.

          • sewollef

            Just occurred to me that Mittens just needs sunglasses and a cheap, gaudy uniform emblazoned with tin medals and gold shit…. and he'd be the epitome of a central American military dictator.

            In the Mel Brookes style of course. As in farce… circa The Producers. In fact Zero Mostel would play a great Veep, no?

  • owhatever

    If he can sit there and say things and make people want to think that middle class workers are qualified to be president on some asinine track recording before you see them first, well, we can do it. And Mister Knowitall Vice President Biden, there are no smart plumbers, so there!

  • Beowoof

    Yeah that's what America needs a bunch of fuck nuts from the local bar being elected. They will fix things all right, we will all be permanently fucked. Yes Sammy there are really smart people out there that I would like running things; not a developmentally disabled dimwit such as you.

  • Negropolis

    Joe the Biden would kick Samuel-not-the-Plumber's ass up and down, coming and going all fuckin' day long.

    Sorry, can't be more witty or snarky. That there is any attempt at comparing Joe with Samuel annoys me.

  • Negropolis

    I read those lines and all I could see in my minds eye was "Sarah Palin." Sam learned from the best (worst). Word Salad 101, and his has been tossed.

    • tessiee

      Now THERE's a spork-my-eyes-out mental picture!

  • littlebigdaddy

    OK, but JTP is going to have to come clean with his extensive work in the gay porno industry.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Man, I forgot how cool half-shirts are! I'm going to make a couple tonight and wear them around town tomorrow!

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Man, we've had some rednecks move in to our little complex here and Sam the Unemployed reminds me of them.

    One guy was trying to get his sistercousin's little daughter to pretend to be President. Apparently he'd vote for her if she promised to lower taxes.

    This is the same guy who'd just got an eleven-year-old girl to eat a bug for five dollars. At which, the sistercousin squealed with laughter and exclaimed "she'll do anything for money!"

    Anyway, yes. These are the sort of folk who should be Presidentin'. Not any of yer edumakated people.

  • equitywolf

    man half shirt, man half shirt, man half shirt

  • http://wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

    OH god, Editrix. I used to just shave my balls for Kirsten… but… let's just say there's room for one more

  • ttommyunger

    In case you haven't been confronted by ignorant self-confidence in your life, study this face and its expression. Only George W. Bush does it better.

  • Terry

    "Who Would Win In A Barfight: Joe The Plumber Or Joe The Biden?"

    Joe the "Plumber" would break down in tears before Joe the Biden did more than use harsh language.

  • calliecallie

    Thank you for the Happy Days clip. I was briefly transported to a happer time. Who would have ever thought that I would miss Ronald Reagan?

  • DahBoner

    If the fight involves shaving your head, so nobody will notice you're going bald, I think we have a winner…

  • Eve8Apples

    Biden had to know any reference to a plumber would prompt Joe the make believe plumber to respond with some teabagger crazy. I think Biden is going to have fun taunting the teabaggers this election cycle. Next, he'll mention pitbulls and hockey moms hoping to get the witch of Wasilla to screech a word salad.

  • Alyssa_Corpus

    Definitely Joe the Plumber! He just so remind me of the plumber rockingham who would magically fix our leaked pipes. Joe the Biden also has a counterpart… our father, totally looks like him unfortunately.