Would you buy a used car from this man?Congressional Representative Robert J. Dold, a Republican (because SHOCKER) from Illinois, is a self-described “small business owner” from Illinois who is very, very concerned about the deficit. As all Very Serious People know, the deficit is the Most Important Challenge facing America today, and it’s not going to fix itself! It will take very specific, nuanced policy prescriptions like: “working together” and “finding common ground” so we can “spur the economy.” It’s just “common sense” that we can solemnly nod our heads in shared agreement about which platitudes best describe the correct course of action for addressing this non-problem. “Enough is enough,” by golly! (Democrats, he is talking to you!)

As Representative Dold wrote in The Hill yesterday:

Clearly, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to the fiscal crisis that faces our nation. We can’t just raise taxes on millionaires and we can’t just cut spending and expect that everything will be fine.  We must work together, find common ground, and move forward policies that will put our nation back on a sustainable economic path.  There are a lot of things we can agree on.  We know that we need to rein in spending and we know that we need pro-growth tax reform.  These are places that we can start to come together and find bipartisan agreement amongst Independents, Republicans, and Democrats.  We have no other choice if we are truly serious about spurring the economy and empowering businesses to hire more workers.

Clearly, raising taxes on millionaires will accomplish far less than gutting Medicare and forcing Income Disadvantaged Americans to work until they drop dead, it is COMMON SENSE.

First and foremost, we must begin to operate on a budget. Every family in this nation operates on a budget. They know that if they spend more than they make, that they will be in serious financial trouble.  The CBO is telling the government the same thing. It’s just commonsense. However, despite an obvious solution to the problems plaguing our nation – the Senate has failed to pass a budget in over 1,120 days. Enough is enough. It is the obligation of Congress to pass a budget and it is shameful that some in this body would rather kick the can down the road than make the tough decisions.

Indeed. Every family in this nation DOES operate on a budget, and a family budget is EXACTLY THE SAME as the budget of a sovereign government. I mean, hasn’t YOUR family run a debt every year except for the year it was established? Doesn’t YOUR family mint its own currency and issue its own bonds? No? Oh because we do in my family! We have AWESOME BUCKS, and they come in denominations of $2 and $7. A $2 AWESOME BUCK has a picture of my dog’s butt on it. The $7 AWESOME BUCK looks just like the medal my brother won in the 2nd grade spelling bee.  Right now the rate of exchange is pretty steep: there are a million dollars Canadian in one AWESOME BUCK and they are legal tender in my living room, dining room, guest bathroom, and in some editions of Candyland.  Oh and currently the tax-equivalent yield on our bonds is running at around one thousandths of a percent right now, which we’re feeling pretty good about. Like all budgets, however, this one isn’t perfect, it took “compromise” which Republicans are totally known for.

No budget will be perfect.  It will require compromise, it will require hard work, and it will require putting partisan rhetoric aside so that we can move forward and find ways to implement a long-term solution to the fiscal challenges our nation faces. As one of 38 people to vote for the bipartisan Cooper-LaTourette budget, I will continue to come to the table and listen to any serious proposal. I would urge my colleagues in both chambers to do that same.

Yes! Let’s find ways to move forward and ruin Medicare for everyone, for ever! Let’s be clear: it’s what the Founders would have wanted. [TheHill]

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  • CrunchyKnee

    Talking points moron has talking points.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    So do Republicans from IL think they have to be extra douche-y to make up for Barry being from there? (Looking at you too, Joe Walsh.)

    • fuflans


      and to make up for the fact that cook county is so big and so blue they will ALWAYS suffer a significant inferiority complex.

  • FNMA

    Tourette budget? Fuck asshole cunt dick penis…

    Sorry. Shit.

  • Goonemeritus

    The Republican Caucus has compromised plenty; after all didn’t they scrap their 2010 election commitment to hunt all remaining Democratic representatives down with dogs and torches?

  • It will require compromise, it will require hard work, and it will require putting partisan rhetoric aside so that we can move forward and find ways…

    To cut Social Security without being lynched by the olds.

    And sadly, I'm sure there will be plenty of Democrats ready to go along after the elections.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Obvious Kenyan Socialist, or he would have an American Flag pin on his lapel.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Also, failed to use code words like "personal responsibility." Obvious RINO.

  • Errr, acutally, technically, any family that owns a house with a mortgage is already bankrupt.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Got a car loan? Loser. Student loans? Pathetic financial weakling. Balance on your Unicard? Might as well report to Debtor's Prison in the morning.

      • sewollef

        Tomorrow morning? What the hell…?

        Prevaricator…. get there right now!!

  • Baconzgood


    You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

    • HippieEsq

      "I will continue to come to the table and listen to any serious proposal"


  • Beowoof

    I think we should switch our currency to Disney Dollars. What else is more widely accepted World Wide. Crisis over.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    We can’t just raise taxes on millionaires and we can’t just cut spending and expect that everything will be fine.

    …so I support a budget proposal that cuts spending on everything but the military and contains no tax increases.

  • Baconzgood

    I know that no one in my family ever borrowed money ever.

    • Commie

    • chascates

      Would they be willing to lend some?

  • Studebaker Hawk

    Representative Dolt (fixed)

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Every family in this nation operates on a budget."

    I thought every family incurred heavy credit debt and lived way beyond their means, just like the government.

  • When did Ralph Malph dye his hair brown?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "find bipartisan agreement amongst Independents, Republicans, and Democrats."

    Wouldn't that be tri-partisan?

    • V572 Is this him?

      A three-way? Not with Republicans.

    • Baconzgood

      Who needs to count when you're talking about a budget?

  • littlebigdaddy

    Robert J. "Dill" Dold has some stupid stuff to say.

    • And he makes sure to thrust his point into our national intercourse.

  • C_R_Eature

    "We know that we need to rein in spending and we know that we need pro-growth tax reform. These are places that we can start to come together and find bipartisan agreement amongst Independents, Republicans, and Democrats."

    Did David Broder teach a course in "How to write Political Essays for The Beltway"?

    • sullivanst

      Easiest. Course. Ever.

      • C_R_Eature

        Prerequisite: "How to write for an 8th Grade reading level."

  • HippieEsq

    Maybe this idiot should shoot for a Nobel Prize in Econ by studying the merit of debt-financing his personal family recession when the taint of failure grabs hold of his politcal career.

  • bureaucrap

    If this guy had "PlatitudeBucks" (TM), he'd be a millionaire.

  • chascates

    Compromise for the Right means agreeing completely with them.

    • C_R_Eature

      Whenever I hear Republicans saying these kinds of things I immediately think
      "Translator Error".

    • Naked_Bunny

      The last decade shows that even doing that isn't sufficient.

  • DaSandman

    Just a run of the mill right wing terrorist dumbass. Are all the high end fart in the bathtub and snap at the bubbles right wing terrorists taking a long holiday weekend? They must all be up camping at Niggerhead for Memorial Day.

  • arihaya

    GOP compromise: "Hey, let's do it, Dems: I will give my sugar-daddy tax cuts and then you cut Medicare budget to off-set it ! Brilliant, right?"

  • slamtundra

    What is it with these bug guys and politics?

  • freakishlywrong

    I hate these assclowns.

  • V572 Is this him?

    Rep Dolt comes from IL-10, which includes North Shore lakefront suburbs such as Highland Park, Waukeegan, and Lake Forest, the richest municipality in the state. This demonstrates that the Riches are not necessarily smarter than the inheritance-challenged, non-bond-holding human beings that comprise the rest of the electorate.

    Or perhaps it demonstrates that Riches prefer a congressman with no original ideas, thoughts, turns of phrase or other distinguishing characteristics; a dutiful stenographer who will vote to enact the Ryan budget agenda.

    I'm going with the second hypothesis. It feels more sustainable.

  • My family taxes my income at about 99%.

  • elburritodeluxe

    For instance: say your family decides to invade a neighbor, and then invade another neighbor. So you have two other households your family has to pacify and that's expensive.

    And, say at the same time your family decides to pay for all of Grandpa's meds but not purchase them in a cheaper way, just pay full price.

    And imagine your family does all this while Mom and Dad cut back on the number of hours they work, reducing the revenue coming into the household, because, it's just not right working all those hours!

    That's the Republican way to run a family's finances!

    • elburritodeluxe

      …well then maybe you have to cut back on doctors visits for the children, or as Republican families say, "chillern."

  • Stevola

    Illinois Republicans. I hate Illinois Republicans.

  • James Michael Curley

    "I will continue to come to the table and listen to any serious proposal drink your milkshake."

  • Wuz Dold's great²grandpappy a fellah name of Uriah Heep?

    • MosesInvests

      Ah, I though Dold seemed rather 'umble.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I love how in all Republican family budget metaphors, the family is never ever justified borrowing money to pay from things like health insurance or education like real families do.

    • not that Radio

      Nor do they ever seem to have secret torture prisons, like my family does.

      • Naked_Bunny

        Churches aren't secret.

  • not that Radio

    He forgot to mention "twirling toward freedom"

  • BarackMyWorld

    The only thing missing from most "pro-growth tax reform" proposals is the part where the tax reform actually goes towards growth.

  • DahBoner

    That's odd! These same people didn't seem the least bit concerned when Bush turned the surplus into a deficit.


    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Because Freedom.

    • Exhausted66

      9/11 changed everything!

    • FNMA

      Wait a minute! There was another president before the black guy?

  • OneYieldRegular

    A bill with a picture of a dog's butt on it would still look magnitudes better than the ugliness that passes for U.S. currency now.

  • Biff

    USAmerica should just borrow money from it's parents. Problem solved.

  • Naked_Bunny

    Sure, cut spending, lower taxes, re-privatize healthcare coverage. Funny how we only adopt the policies of European countries when those policies are failing.

  • barto

    I think he means spurn the economy

  • biblioteq_tress

    For fucks sake.

    OT but not really: I work for a a federal agency that provides disability and unemployment payments to a largely blue collar workforce. Like Social Security, this is a social insurance program that is supported by its own beneficiaries and potential annuitants. It mostly runs in the black, and has little income from the general funds.

    If the Ryan budget had passed, this agency would have been abolished. Why? Because, um, well, no one knows. Because we don't want to have the working class suffer the indignity of collecting an insurance policy they have paid into?

  • a_pink_poodle

    I always spend over half my income on defense spending too.

    By defense spending I mean booze and porn.

    Nawww I'm kidding, just booze.

  • Wonderthing

    I like what someone said once and I can't remember who or what exactly it was so I'm paraphrasing because shut up: The poor in this country will never get together to defeat the greedheads because they see themselves not as poor but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.

  • didgen

    When I print the money for my family I put cat hair into all denominations, and dog hair into the special edition cash. It makes it much harder to counterfeit.

  • Negropolis

    OT: What happened to the staff?

  • V572 Barb

    This is awfully good:

    Distinguished gym teacher, legislator, war hero and bribe solicitor Randall ("Duke") Cunningham is about to be released to a halfway house and humbly requests that the judge restore his 2nd Amendment rights. How could a man this illiterate be elected to Congress? Ask the voters of CA-51.

  • ttommyunger

    Funny, I googled "Derp" and the same pix came up, go figure.

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