The Iranian Navy says it saved an American ship from pirates, all ‘Unhand that frigate, villeins! What ho, tea, chappie, lorries, Madge, the sun never sets on the British Empire,’ or something, whatever, arrrr. So now we can all be best friends forever! Yay Iran! Yay us!
An Iranian warship responded to a distress signal from the US-flagged Maersk Texas, a cargo ship of 150 metres (500 feet) and 14,000 tonnes, which was besieged by “several pirate boats,” the navy said in a statement reported by the official IRNA news agency.
The pirates “fled the scene as soon as they spotted the presence” of the warship. Maersk Texas “thanked the Iranian navy and sailed towards its destination safely,” it added.
So what the official IRNA news agency is saying is the Maersk Texas basically was as grateful as an American ever is when someone saves its ass, which is to say the captain probably gifted the Iranian Navy with a cold dead stare, sneered ‘Yeah. Thanks,” in its best Jorge Boosh, and then hotfooted it the fuck out of there to pick up its payload of Burmese-baby-made lead-coated bisphenol A candy cigarettes.
Anyway it’s not like they should have been too grateful.
The US navy patrolling the area have on a number of occasions rescued Iranian ships. The latest incident was in January when a US warship secured the release of 13 Iranian fishermen near the entrance to the Gulf who had been held captive by pirates for 45 days.
Look at us all just cold gettin’ along! Do we smell a Wonkette Geopoliticker coming on? [AFP]
{ 106 comments }
If those 2 are the pirates I don't want to be saved!
They are just begging for you to plunder their booty.
I'd rather explore their chests for treasure.
They can walk my plank any time.
Actually wait that sounds painful.
Yea.
Delicious, innit?
I would settle for having my timber shivered.
I can understand being pissed at Iran, if somebody cock blocked me from either one, chairs would be flying.
And probe their poop decks.
How do you do a pirate accent in Farsi?
"AyatollAARRRR!!"
Sorry, I just know the Arabic, "inshallahrrrrrrrr"
Less spitting.
Allahu Akbaahrrrrrrrr!
I KEEL YOU!
Maaaaarg baaaaaar Amerikaaaaaaar!
"O Far and Farrrr to Zanzibarrrrrrrsi
I went to sea in an open carrrrrrsi…" ♫
(yeesh, and probably drowned thereafter. Amateuaarrrr pirates!)
Shiver Me Timburkha, Dirka Dirka
Like this: آققققققققققققققق
I don't speak Fahrrrrrrrrsi.
Arghhhhlalalalalala
Ack bahhhhrrr!
GOP demands war with Iran for attacking the invisible hand of piracy.
We should give them the Kardasian sisters as a show of gratitude.
I think giving them to the pirates is a great idea.
the pirates wouldn't survive.
BONUS!
How do the Persians feel about Armenians, anyway?
Mitten's reaction:
"Obviously, this shows aggressive intent on the part of the Iranians. Let the bombing begin!"
Yar, if that busty lass was the pirate the captain is probably really pissed!
No no! I'm not really in any danger! Really! I think I can handle them both!
No, no, it's too much peril.
Look! I'm fine!
Please, can't I have just a little peril?
Is AJ Burnett still pitching for the Pirates?
clearly we have to invade them now.
IOCWWTH: It Only Counts When We're The Heroes.
Damn Liebrul sea captains! He should have rammed the Iranian scow and held off the pirates with a fake self destruct command where he warns all shipping to stay eleventy billion nautical miles from his location because he's fixin' to blow his warp engines!!!
I thought these guys had to have a mess a schoolin' er sumfin?
Now, Iran will be coming over, expecting us to loan them the lawnmower or a cup of enriched uranium.
Bastards, always asking for yellow cake, and then never bringing any over. Mmmm…yellow cake…
The Iranians probably just put a few of their women on the bow of the ship and scared the pirates off.
Iranian women joke #10: What's the difference between a bowling ball and an Iranian woman? If you had to you could eat the bowling ball.
We had dozens of these back when the Iranian "students" took over the embassy, took some hostages and embarrassed Carter right out of office.
mosot of the iranian ladies i know are hawt.
What kind of shitty pirate gets run off by the Iranian Navy?
Pittsburgh?
Libertarian pirates only attack the defenseless. It's called "The Bain rule of Enlightened Self Interest."
The kind that have wooden legs and inflatable parrots on their shoulders.
They are in NYC (or at least the Today Show) for fleet week.
Not sure why I deleted that. Glad the 7th Fleet is getting some R&R, though. Maybe the sailors can go see Cats!
Closed.
Oh wait, unless you mean that house by the docks with the ladies…
Obama failed again?
You can't fool me! Those pirates where Iranian!
How do I know this?
What happened when the Iranian navy showed up. The captain said "I ran!"
he never thought he'd meet a girl like her.
So far, anyway.
Israel threatens to bomb Maersk, says if US won't take action, they reserve the right to do so.
you see? this is what happens when you joke around about an outbreak of peace and understanding.
If they bomb Maersk they should bomb Texas too, just to be safe.
But those pirates were just being good capitalists! Why must we demonize the job creators like the pirates and Bain capital?
I was 'besieged by "several pirate boats"' once, too. But thankfully the pirate animatronics got shitfaced on rum and started singing "Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life For Me" so our boat was able to sail towards its destination of New Orleans Square safely.
Sea turtles, mate!
that ride thrilled the bejesus out of me when i was wee fuflans.
now the johnny depp likeness thrills the bejesus out of me.
Likeness, or do you mean really, really likeness?
It's always about the Ho's, innit?
I'm so old I can remember the pre-politically correct version of that most awesome of all rides.
It might be time for Somali pirates to reassess their business plan if they cause the Iranian Navy and US America Navy to work together.
The U.S. and Iran know that there are some battles greater than our political squabbles between nation-states. Letting the pirates ship roughshod over our seas provides more material for future Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. And no one wants this.
Unless it is the Crimson Permanent Assurance, sailing the vast Accountancy….
Also, nothing brings nations together like profits. You start messing with sea-bound money, and that's what seems to get everyone mad.
"All hands onboard are safe and unharmed, and the vessel is proceeding on its voyage," [to bomb Iran] …and they thought it was a cargo ship–suckers!
We'll probably be as grateful to Iran as France is to us, for saving their bacon in WWI and WWII.
"You'd all be speaking Somali if it wasn't for us!"
In Iran, "All hands on deck!!" signals the end of the trial for a band of thieves….
Didn't something like this happen once (or was it twice) in a place called the Gulf of Tonkin? That worked out well. ♫Turner Joy, To The World♪
Y'know, it was the sixties, man. And it was great. Sit-ins, teach-ins, love-ins, tonk-ins,…
We should give the Iranians something as a sign of our gratitude — maybe John Yoo.
Bolton Libel!
How man Iranians does it take to blow up a pirate? Ahhh, frigate.
You'll ketch hell for that, schooner or later. The real question is, how will this affect the Dhow?
No one has time for that junk. Most folks think I have a refined sense of tack.
What a jibe, ho.
What are yawl talking about?
And the ship's cargo of MEK weapons were delivered safely.
Hooray! Radioactive fissile material for all!
I sense a job opportunity for Levi Johnston here, what with his million bucks worth of boats and guns….
We have now outsourced protecting American ships to the Iranians, with Bain Capital taking only a 48 percent upfront commission and eliminating the pension plan.
The Internet is a wonderful thing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maersk
"Yar, me hearties!"
John McCain is unhappy ’cause we can’t bomb Iran now.
This cannot possibly be true, because it violates the neat division of the world into easily digestible "good" and "bad" categories. Now if you'll pardon me, I have to go back to chewing on a mastodon bone.
This comment has been deleted by the Iranian Supreme Council.
Why do US ships have to be saved by the Iranian Navy? We obviously need to allocate another hundred billion dollars or so to enhance our warships – screw the Pentagon's "we don't need it" philosophy!
Maersk Texas “thanked the Iranian navy and sailed towards its destination safely,”
Pyongyang
Did you hear they are making a Pirates of the Caribbean Four?
It's rated "Aarrrrrggghh."
While I do not think President Obama would squander an opportunity to take an act of simple decency and treat the Iranians as people which could defuse a lot of the current problems there (unlike Bush in the aftermath of 9/11), I am sure there are plenty of Republicans willing to sabotage things simply because defeating Obama is more important to them than aiding America.
Obviously, those ladies weren't born asea, or they'd be barenaked.
Law of the Sea, post Titanic. You're supposed to help other ships that call for help, no matter what. You say thanks and sail on. You're not supposed to stop and have a party out there. Stopping merchant ships at sea is a big deal.
The Iranians were just jealous that somebody else was going after their favorite hostages. That or U.S. policy sucks and we should probably get over the 70's and 80's, which was more or less us screwing with them a lot more than them screwing with us. But whatever! There was that hostage thing they pulled off when Reagan was in office, so at least we can get back at them over 30 years later, right? Speaking of years and years ago, when are we invading Japan and Germany?
This calls for a jaunty, salty tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcNLuH1XWfI
Do those come in a menthol?
America/Israel cannot let this stand.
"I am coming to you. You will explode."
Umm, what is it with Maersk and pirates?
This comment has been deleted by Johnny Depp.
Naga, please. That ain't no coral reef.
Isn't it weird how our "buddies" over in Israel weren't in the neighborhood to respond.
Guess we better give 'em another Trillion dollars to upgrade their gear…
Christ who knew the withdrawal would be so bad.
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