Does Sacha Baron Cohen need a comedy sidekick?

Perennial top contender for America’s most fervently incompetent governor Rick Scott is working hard for the title even on a trade mission to Spain: He managed to earn immediate ridicule from the country’s 47 million residents within actual seconds of meeting the King of Spain. He’s efficient! King Juan Carlos has lately been in hot water for taking a fancy elephant-murdering trip to Botswana while the country’s economy shrivels under a banking crisis and a 24% unemployment rate, so much so that he issued a first-ever public apology for his actions. This provided a no-fail comedy setup for Florida’s dipstick governor, whose first words upon meeting the king were, “I’ve ridden elephants. I’ve never tried to shoot one.” Don’t stop there, Rick! (He doesn’t.)

This is what a king looks like when he wants to slap the person whose hand he is shaking:

From the Miami New Times:

Scott apparently didn’t understand that the King didn’t want to talk about the trip, and keeps blabbing on about it. Scott asks that King how he was injured, and talks about his own travels to Botswana. Scott’s wife Annette begins talking about how they were in a Jeep that was being chased by elephants in Botswana, and that she wished that the King had been in the Jeep with them. The last thing the King wants right now is to be back in Botswana.

The King meanwhile kept shaking other people’s hands as the Scott blabbed on about Botswana.

The incident has become fodder in the Spanish press, and El Intermedio, something sort of like the Spanish version of The Daily Show, lampooned the exchange.

Your move, Jan Brewer. [Miami New Times Blogs]

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  • nounverb911

    I bet Rick Scott misses Generallissimo Franco.

    • Is he still dead? I figured after all these years…

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And still in Hell.

        • biblioteq_tress

          "Generallissimo! I sure do love your Beefaroni!"

  • Hey, I tweeted this to Commiegirl! Awright! Even if I'm not credited for it….ratserfratser….

  • nounverb911

    Do you know who else liked to shoot elephants?

    • ChernobylSoup

      Hannibal's enemies?

    • Captain Spaulding? In fairness, they were in his pajamas.

    • GuanoFaucet

      Teddy Roosevelt?

    • SayItWithWookies
      • V572 Is this him?

        Enngnnghh…Orwell didn't like doing it. Just had to. The same way we had to invade Iraq once we got everything ginned up to do so.

        Which was exactly Orwell's point, only more eloquently made.

    • Hemmingway!

      • With One "M"!
        To be fair — I keep spelling "Sally Hemmings" wrong, have no idea why.

    • Hemmmmmmingway?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      John Huston?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Bungalow Bill?

      • He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun. He didn't shoot the elephant.

        • BaldarTFlagass

          There's no pleasing some people.

          • Hey, if looks could kill it would have been us instead of him.

          • All the children smile (see later Mitt/Philly post).

    • OneYieldRegular

      Groucho Marx?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Piano makers?

    • Thomas Edison? No wait, he liked to electrocute elephants.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        To be fair to Edison the elephant was wearing a hoodie.

    • chascates

      WDM Bell?

    • Vlad Vladikoff, the Wickersham Brothers and the Sour Kangaroo?

      • Barbikovovich


        [*That was the speck of dust talking]

    • veence69


    • BaldarTFlagass

      The guy that killed Babar's mother?

    • calliecallie

      Rudyard Kipling?

    • Guppy
    • America's next Veep, Donald Trump?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    ♫ Allllllllll night
    He was the ugly American♪
    (Ugly American, Ugly American)

  • coolhandnuke

    …“I’ve ridden elephants. I’ve never tried to shoot one.”

    Good to hear Rick is keeping his lust in the tribe…the rentboys must be Repugs.

    • He's a fattie lover?

      • coolhandnuke

        Gots to be since it takes a whole heaping foundation of Stand Your Ground when you've snagged a big one.


    • biblioteq_tress

      …“I’ve ridden elephants. I’ve never tried to shoot one.”

      Presumably none of them have attempted to out him yet.

  • SoBeach

    Florida RULES!!! In your FACE, South Carolina!

    • You wouldn't beieve how many times Nikki Haley heard that from Will Folks.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    It's good to be king and have your own world
    It helps to make friends, it's good to meet girls
    A sweet little queen who can't run away
    It's good to be king, whatever it pays

  • Goonemeritus

    Another wasted 10 weeks sitting through that Dale Carnegie course

    • There's the problem: he cut classes.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Spain: "It could be worse, we could be Greece!"

    • Negropolis

      Greece: "Thank god for Mississippi."

  • prommie

    Its fun to ride elephants, but you don't want your subjects to see you on one.

  • nounverb911

    "One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."

    –King Juan Carlos

  • Lucidamente1

    "Hey, do you guys still have auto-da-fé's?"

    • Steverino247

      It's what ought not to do but you do anyway.

  • Didn't anybody brief him on "don't mention elephants?" Moron.

    • We should probably count ourselves lucky they at least covered his unspeakable wife, Queen Lisa.

      • Barbikovovich

        Perhaps he can serve Rick Scott some humble pie.

    • John Guare libel!

    • MosesInvests

      Basil Fawlty libel!1!

    • Come here a minute

      You know how it is — somebody says don't mention elephants, and all you can talk about is elephants.

      • GlowneyHouse

        It is the elephant in the room, after all.

    • Gainsbourg69

      Rick Scott is an idiot, but I'm kind of glad he embarrassed that elephant murderer.

  • SayItWithWookies

    And Juan Carlos goes to bed tonight cursing the memory of Ponce de Leon.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Though the King can be credited for finally finding the Fountain of Doof.

    • Negropolis

      Cortez/s libel!

  • ChernobylSoup

    The King's military attache, Colonel Hathi, was not amused either.

    • radio-of-owls

      Air Force Chief of Staff General Babar was so angry he bombed the Governor's mansion.

  • It's interesting that Juan Carlos didn't question him further on his own ethics scandal.

    No one expects the Spanish Inquisition…

  • MissTaken

    They say an elephant never forgets. Too bad Rick Scott never remembers.

  • PuckStopsHere

    He probably went to Spain for advice on how to get Florida's jobless rate up to 24% too.

    • MosesInvests

      Don't forget the Burmese pythons.

  • timbo71351

    Hard to believe that a crooked businessman would do something embarrasing in front of a head of state.

  • Mahousu

    Scott then told the king how much he loved Spanish food, like tacos and chimichangas.

  • elburritodeluxe

    King "I'm at a disadvantage. I've never been accused of Medicare fraud."

  • I've always wondered what the full grown baby of the unholy union between John Malkovich and a vampire would look like. Now I know.

  • Barbikovovich

    For those who didn't read the linked article, it contains this treat:

    Note to Gov. Scott: while on diplomatic missions, do not talk about foreign dignitary's recent scandals.

    It's like if someone greeted Scott with the line, "I've ridden high speed rail. I've never tried to kill it," or "I've run a company before. I've never had it subjected to the largest fraud settlement in my country's history."

  • BlueStateLibel

    Foolish man is foolish.

  • Lascauxcaveman

    Jack Link's Beef Jerky : Messin' with Saquatch :: Rick Scott : Messin' with the King of Spain

    • MosesInvests

      You can call it what you want to, I call it messin' with the King.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, Rick Scott has fucked elephants?

    • MissTaken

      Poor GOP Babar.

    • SayItWithWookies

      At least he found something to do with that head of his.

    • Wile E. Barbote

      Yeah, but the elephants were really, really drunk at the time and regretted it the next morning.

  • YasserArraFeck

    I think "Shooting the Elephant" could be the political equivalent of "Jumping the Shark" – the moment when any respect that a pol may have garnered just….evaporates, as the public realize that he/she really is a fuckwit. For example, when did Snowbillie shoot the elephant? Her "AOTK" interview? When she described AK's proximity to Russia as "foreign policy experience"? Her debate winkfest?

    • OldWhiteLies

      I second you on that.

      He "shot the elephant."

      Yup, werksferme.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      We really need to breed sharks that can jump higher. Much of this pain wouldn't have even happened.

    • Negropolis

      Si, let's make this a thing.

  • prommie

    You're not supposed to mention the elephant in the living room.

    • CapnRadio

      Nor the skeletons of shot elephants in the closet.

  • Barbikovovich

    It's a shame the conversation got cut off before Scott got to ask the King if it is true what they say about Spanish Fly.

    • YasserArraFeck

      "So, Mr. Carlos……Juan…..where can a guy get some of that spanish fly shit? A….uh… friend asked me to bring some back for him……."

  • MiniMencken

    Reminds me of the first time Chet Baker met in Italy with the jazz pianist Romano Mussolini, youngest son of Benito. Baker's unforgettable conversation opener: "Bummer about your old man."

    • Chet Baker at least had the good graces not to be governor of Florida.

  • Nostrildamus

    "Scott’s wife Annette begins talking about … being chased by elephants …"

    Today we are all Annette Scott.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      That was her code for their sexytime roleplay.

  • It would have been less insulting to the King of Spain if he wore trackpants, an "I'm with Stupid" T-shirt and a fanny pack.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
    With Rick Scott turning circles running 'round my brain
    I guess I'm always hoping that he'll end this pain
    But it's my destiny to be the King of Spain

  • OneYieldRegular

    On top of that, he's doing that offensive American tourist thing of talking extra-loudly and gesturing as though he's talking to a child, as though somehow that will help the "foreigner" understand him.

    I'm reminded of Dubya's trip to Spain, where he called the Prime Minister "Anzar" instead of "Aznar," only to elicit a comment in the Spanish press that it was a miracle Bush hadn't called him "Arnaz."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Or said, "Hey Loooosy, I'm hooooome!"

  • HippieEsq

    I lived in Spain for many years, and the high-brow phrase for this kind of idiocy is:

    "que bobo tonto. vale."

    • miss_grundy

      In good Cuban slang, it would be "que comemierda".

      • HippieEsq

        I love that phrase/insult too, even though it reminds me of a dog I once knew that always got into the kitty litter….

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Why the fuck is the King of Spain even in the same zip code as Rick Scott?

    • fuflans

      was thinking the very same thing.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder what Jeb Bush would have said to King Carlos.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Spain might want to consider reoccupying Florida so they could once again implement the “Spanish Inquisition” upon hapless fools.

    • Wile E. Barbote

      We tried already, the Spaniards just laughed and said "Fuck you, the check cleared. We're not taking it back."

  • niblick77

    Scott did it on purpose because the King's first language was not English. It just comes natural to people like Scott to degrade others that are not like them.

  • Callyson

    Scott apparently didn’t understand that the King didn’t want to talk about the trip, and keeps blabbing on about it.

    Now the King knows how we Americans feel when the Reeps blather on about economic issues, or foreign affairs, or…oh, hell, about AOTK…

  • dijetlo

    To which the king replied
    "Usted resembe un escroto recién afeitado, señor Ducha Boquilla.".

    • BaldarTFlagass

      O, "Su cabeza se asemeja a un testículo del elefante"

  • Barbikovovich

    Rick Scott's in Spain, eh? The upside is that Baltasar Garzón can order him arrested and tried for the crime of "Look, there must be something".

  • MissTaken

    On the one hand, it's crap like this that makes the world (rightfully) see us Americans as incompetent idiots. But on the other hand, why the hell does Spain still have a monarchy?

    • HippieEsq

      Someone has to sit in the VIP Box at the bullfights, that's why!

    • Barbikovovich

      It was a kind of compromise, actually quite a spectacular feat on Juan Carlos's part. He was the hereditary king (not a title that had mattered much for some time) and as Franco's time came drawing to a close, Franco had the idea that he wanted to be succeeded by a monarchy, which would mean Juan Carlos. Juan-Carlos discussed issues of the future of Spain extensively with Franco, but kept mum on the fact that J-C wanted it to become a democracy as soon as possible, with him as at most a figurehead. He became king upon Franco's death in 1975 and within two years, Spain had free parliamentary elections including parties that had been outlawed in Franco's time.

      Carlos turned the control of the country over to the elected government and remained a mostly ceremonial monarch. But there were still a lot of Falangists around, and many were highly placed in the armed forces. They liked the authoritarian state just fine, and were none too happy with King J-C for his clever moves. A coup was launched in 1981, the democratic leaders arrested, etc. The coup failed largely because J-C went on TV and made an impassioned speech for the preservation of the democratic government, and the word of the king meant a lot to Falangists and monarchists who were on the fence about the coup.

      So he's really a national hero, and de-kinging him would be kind of unsporting.

      • Also there's a space in the crypt at El Escorial that's standing empty, just waiting for him.

      • Wile E. Barbote

        Thanks for the cool history lesson. You have to love a guy who sticks it to a Nazi loving bastard like Franco.

    • Negropolis

      Why not? The Netherlands have one, Norway, Sweden, etc. What do they need one for?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I didn't watch the video. Did he talk real loud and slowly?

  • owhatever

    So these king asked, "What happened to the Florida Gators in football last year.? Everybody in Botswana was talking about how the team choked in the big games. You guys learn how to count votes yet? How about Treyvon?"

  • TootsStansbury

    A national embarrassment. But a hilarious national embarrassment! I remember about the elephant shooting monarch; who the fuck shoots elephants?!

  • Beowoof

    How did this guy wind up being able to steal millions and not wind up as pass around Rick in the big house?

    • 1. Medicare fraud is a victimless crime, like smothering a hobo.

      2. IOKIYAR

  • bibliotequetress

    Sadly, we have missed the window of opportunity when Rick Scott could have been introduced to PM Silvio Berlusconi.

  • James Michael Curley

    King Carlos then introduced Scott to a Flamenco Dance who found a suitable stage on that enormous forehead.

  • fuflans

    yeah but obama thinks there's 57 states.

    • not that Radio

      And he ate a dog.

      • radio-of-owls

        Have you seen his middle name?!?!

  • Well, unlike a certain Florida Governor, I didn't make a complete idiot of myself the one and only time I met King Juan-Carlos (sort of accidentally… I was surrounded by elderly Spaniards in a crowd in Mexico City, and happened to be wearing a red and yellow tie — the Spanish national colors — so the King thought I was the old ladies' chaparone or something), greeting him with a semi-tacky "¡Mucho gusto!"… OK, so I don't show proper deference to royalty… at least I addressed the King in his own language, and didn't go out of my way to act like a clueless moron.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Guess we cannot pawn La Florida back to 'em, now.

  • DahBoner

    I wonder how the negotiations went to open Rick's Hillbilly Heroin drive-in's went???

  • AlaskaGrrl

    Ooooooh, Veep material! Are ya' listening Mittens?

    • bikerlaureate

      “You just went to find elephants. You’re all elephant-lovers right? Elephants! Oh, that’s great.”

  • Wile E. Barbote

    King Juan Carlos should have exercised Droit du Seigneur on Governor Batboy's wife and daughters and then had Batboy thrown into a dungeon for the crime of lèse-majesté and then topped it off by singing his own rap song, "Damn it Feels Good to be a Kingster".

  • Guppy

    But did Rick Scott bow?

  • Negropolis

    Keep fuckin' them gators, Scott.

    Elephants never forget, not even ones like Scott.

  • ttommyunger

    Well, at least he didn't try to give the Queen a neck massage……No, wait!

  • TribecaMike

    At least he didn't enter the room dressed in full matador regalia singing "Besame Mucho."

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