EVE OF DESTRUCTION  8:52 am May 24, 2012

Veepstakes! Romney Hero Meg Whitman Out-Bains Bain Capital, Slashes 27,000 Jobs At HP

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

27,000 jobs? Well it's a start!Why can’t Californians have nice things? Because the “Golden Dream by the Sea” was all yeah eat me when HP CEO Meg Whitman tried to save it from itself the same way she has saved Hewlett Packard! What is it about “Creative Destruction” that California doesn’t understand? As typewriters and steel mills and Hewlett Packard employees become obsolete, the economy churns, and industries fall so that they may be replaced by something more better! It’s Schumpeter and stuff! (Why this should be a necessary part of the economy, but help for those who were creatively destroyed out of their jobs should be Moral Hazard and akin to feeding stray animals, we never did understand, but Economics Is Hard!)

So how many jobs did Meg Whitman slash at HP the same day Romney was busy for she’s a jolly good fellowing to NRO? Oh, 27,000. What did Meg Whitman get paid last year? Either $1 or $16 million. It’s all good though, because the $16 million was in stock options, and those only become worth anything if she manages to raise the stock price! Did axing 27,000 people from HP raise the stock price? In fact it did!

HP’s shares, which fell as much as 5% on Wednesday and closed 3% down, were up 6.6% in after-hours trading on Wall Street.

That’s some creative destruction Mitt Romney can get behind!

I wish Californians had elected Meg Whitman. She would have been more successful and explained to Californians the need to cut back on spending and eliminate unnecessary programs. There are other states that have very different records. I think it’s interesting that the state with the highest or among the highest tax rates in the nation also has the worst or near the worst deficit.

“You can’t tax your way out of debt or a deficit. You simply have to rein in the size of the government, because the government will simply ask for more and more and more, until the taxpayers finally say ‘enough.’”

Tell us more how business works, The BBC?

California-based HP reported a 31% fall in profits in the second quarter to $1.6bn. Revenue in the period fell 3% on a year ago to $30.7bn.

Meg Whitman, HP’s chief executive, said: “This quarter we exceeded our previously provided outlook and are executing against our strategy, but we still have a lot of work to do.”

Stupid California, electing Old Jerry Brown, who is all into stupid things like infrastructure, and only firing people when he has to! Meg Whitman would have explained to us the need to fire ourselves, and to cut back on spending and unnecessary programs! Unnecessary programs like food and shelter and college. (Which, don’t know if you heard, are already cut down to what science calls “the bone,” but not the good kind of “the bone.”) Fire more people please, Jerry Brown! Or you don’t get to be His Lord High Hairgel’s vice presidential nominee.

[BBC/NRO via HuffPo]

 
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{ 96 comments }

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 8:55 am

Dude, you're getting a Dell!

MrFizzy May 24, 2012 at 8:57 am

It's the windows-based trickle-down pink-slip software from those job creators!

WhatTheHolyHeck May 24, 2012 at 8:59 am

Impressive. Norquist's lips aren't even moving.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 9:00 am

God bless Proposition 13. Fookin' brilliant.

V572 Is this him? May 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

You'd be astonished at how irrationally attached people are to this shitty piece of tax-code-by-initiative legislation. My tax preparer, for instance, who is a CPA with a masters in tax law, acknowledges that having two taxpayers pay different taxes on assets of equal value is as crazy a tax policy as charging one car buyer 6% sales tax and the next guy 12%.

But he's lived in his house for a long time and his taxes are low. So he likes Prop 13, and argues that it all washes out in the end. Riiiighht.

The argument in favor of Prop 13 was that old grannies were being driven out of their houses by ever-increasing property tax. And that may have been true. But if we want to give old grannies welfare, let's just do it and call it what it is, with means testing, instead of just showering the same tax benefit on Meg Whitman.

Callyson May 24, 2012 at 12:00 pm

What's really annoying is how many people think Prop 13 was about keeping Grandma and Grandpa in their house, and how few people realize that Prop 13 is a massive subsidy for *corporate* property taxes:

http://closetheloophole.com/

V572 Is this him? May 24, 2012 at 1:49 pm

You’re right, of course. You can only fit so much tax policy harangue in one post.

EatsBabyDingos May 24, 2012 at 9:01 am

"From Golden Dream to Golden Parachute to Golden Shower: An Idiot's Guide to Eating Dirt Because We Told You To."

Thank you, Willard.

anniegetyerfun May 24, 2012 at 9:06 am

Hey, there's all KINDS of helpful bacteria in soil! Except for the soil in central California, which is mostly full of chemicals.

Terry May 24, 2012 at 9:13 am

…and salt and metals from all that irrigation.

Wonkette, Refudiated May 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

… but that's what plants crave!

anniegetyerfun May 24, 2012 at 9:04 am

I think it’s interesting that the state with the highest or among the highest tax rates in the nation also has the worst or near the worst deficit.

That IS interesting, considering that the last governor was a Republican!

Callyson May 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Not to mention that CA has an idiotic 2/3 vote requirement to pass any new taxes, meaning that every budget shortfall has to be met with more and more cuts in services.

memzilla May 24, 2012 at 9:05 am

"Meg Whitman, HP’s chief executive, said: 'This quarter we… are executing against our strategy…

Translation: "This quarter I am increasing the value of my stock options by firing people."

"'…but we still have a lot of work to do.'"

Translation: "I still have a lot of employees left to fire."

If she fires 140,000 more people, the stock should double!

luv2cruz May 24, 2012 at 9:14 pm

It's just like American Airlines! If only they could get rid of those pesky pilots and flight attendants and baggage handlers they could make all kinds of money!

Monsieur_Grumpe May 24, 2012 at 9:06 am

It's bonus time!

skoalrebel May 24, 2012 at 9:07 am

C'mon, Wonketeers! [spit!] Sometimes the Invisible Hand just gives unproductive excess people the finger. [spit!] Let's stop demonizing success, especially the success of those job creators who create jobs by destroying them. [spit!]

SorosBot May 24, 2012 at 9:08 am

Well of course Mittens endorses Whitman doing his favorite thing, firing people.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Good move, Mitt. That's another 27,000 people who aren't going to vote for you. Keep up the good work!

ElPinche May 24, 2012 at 9:08 am

Wow, eight months into the job and Megs can't even move a fraction of those 27,000 jobs to China. What a fail. I hope the board members realized their fuck up by putting a fuck-up in charge of a company that was on the cusp of major change (getting rid of PC/Mobile and competing with IBM in cloud).

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2012 at 10:58 am

Gee, you'd think that selling printer ink at the same price point as a 1961 Chateau Lafite would be more profitable!
On second thought, that's exactly why I don't buy HP printers.

johnnyzhivago May 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

And not even the first time – since Carly canned HP's mobility group (which proposing doing stuff comparable to what Apple/iPhone did 10 years later) when she went back INTO the PC business.

HP is so far off course in so many ways it's doomed.

ElPinche May 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

Tell me about it. My office is next to the lab, so I'm frequently helping the lab guys haul out inactive HP servers. Yeah HP's future looks dismal.

CapnFatback May 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

because the government will simply ask for more and more and more, until the taxpayers finally say ‘enough.’”

"That's why, at Bain, we were all about 'fewer' and 'less': fewer jobs, fewer benfits, less security, less opportunity . . ."

FakaktaSouth May 24, 2012 at 9:10 am

"I think its interesting that the state with the highest or among the highest tax rates in the nation also has the worst or near the worst deficit."

He says "interesting" the same way I do when I am trying not to use the words "Fucking Bullshit." Like how I think it's "interesting" that there are so many people in this country who are dumb enough to fall for anything these horrid "job creators" are saying.

Oblios_Cap May 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

Americans are exceptionally good at believing bullshit.

FNMA May 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

Don't you mean "interesting job creators"?

PuckStopsHere May 24, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Remember, Dubya wrote in his diary of 9-11, "It was an 'interesting' day." What we have here is a case of two bodies sharing one bain, er, brain. I meant brain.

fuflans May 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

yeah and his fucking bullshit attempt at what? snark immediately made me stabby.

seriously this guy. i read text and get aggravated.

i will be one miserable bitch if he gets elected.

Sparky McGruff May 24, 2012 at 10:25 pm

Yeah, it's a shocker that the state with the largest population in the country has one of the largest deficits. Go figure.

Ruhe May 24, 2012 at 9:10 am

We have been lectured in the past by champions of the inherent good of capitalism that human industry on every scale does not merely accumulate wealth, rather it creates wealth. Granted. But then so many Republican politicians and their moronic constituents seem to think about human society using some very un-capitalistic assumptions, i.e., that there is in fact a limited amount of capital to be had and so if a certain number of us would just die off those that remain would have it better. The promise of capitalism is that you can, in fact, spend your way out of debt and do so in a way that lets most of us go along for the ride.

deanbooth May 24, 2012 at 9:10 am

"…and white people clap like this!"

[i just started using an iPad (for work), and find that dead Steve Jobs decided I wasn't allowed to see Wonkette's world-famous alt text.]

Texan_Bulldog May 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

This is good news for Carly Fiorina!

justkillmenow May 24, 2012 at 9:13 am

With all of that money you would think Megs could do something about that 6-head she sports. Good Lord. She's surrounded by some of the best plastic surgeons in the country!

Texan_Bulldog May 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

"Damn it, Jim…I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker!" Love, Bones

freakishlywrong May 24, 2012 at 9:14 am

Sent from my IPad

RedneckMuslin May 24, 2012 at 9:17 am

Received by my PC

ElPinche May 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

Processed by my IBM server.

freakishlywrong May 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

HP can't compete. The kids all want the pads and the texting and the stuff.

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 9:15 am

Guess they're going to be "doing more with less." That's what they're telling us to do here in the Air Force. Of course, the end state of "doing more with less" is "doing everything with nothing."

Chichikovovich May 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

They're telling you that in the Air Force? Double military spending right away before North Korea invades us!!

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 9:32 am

Well, that's what they're telling us engineers. We're going through a "transformation" in which plenty of people are getting RIF'd, manpower is getting cut pretty drastically over the next 5 years. I'm sure that the death-dealing components of the AF are still being fully funded.

Chichikovovich May 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

Ah, I see. Just the volcano-monitoring types. About time – who needs 'em!

V572 Is this him? May 24, 2012 at 9:45 am

Really? Didn't Bob Gates snuff at least one of the World's Most Expensive Flying Club's new toys?

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 10:04 am

They stopped production of the F-22 Raptor back in December after spending around $67 billion on nearly 200 of them, in favor of the F-35. It's the exception to the rule; they did the same thing with the B-2 Spirit stealth bomber back in the 90's, cut back from building 130 of them to only 20 (at $2 billion a pop.)

FNMA May 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

I used to have a boss who was always be telling us we have to do more with less.
I wonder where he is now…

Chichikovovich May 24, 2012 at 9:33 am

I hope your higher-ups decided that you could do more, with less of him.

FNMA May 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

That's what happened. One of those middle-management drones whose real skill was finding the right dick to suck while making everyone around him miserable. Turned out he guessed wrong…

James Michael Curley May 24, 2012 at 9:33 am

It was a great savings going from the Biplane to the single wing.

An_Outhouse May 24, 2012 at 9:17 am

27,000 HP employees are pissed at California voters.

chascates May 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

Company president lays off workers, stock price goes up. American president lays off workers, deficit goes down?

snackypants May 24, 2012 at 10:24 am

You can't explain it!

Dr_pangloss May 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

Yeah we've got a bit of that at Home Depot. Profits are way up but they are constantly cutting hours at the stores. I wonder how those two things are related.

ElPinche May 24, 2012 at 9:21 am

Good news is that those 27,000 jobs will be filled with undocumented house keepers.

Mumbletypeg May 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

I dare her to add, "This hurts me more than it hurts you, my fellow former employees." But Meg, you make it look so easy — like laughter in the rain! Cue some Sedaka:

"Don't take my job – - away from me
Don't you leave my family in misery
Cause if you do / I'll be screwed;
Corp' breakups' a fucked-up thing to do!" ♪

Oblios_Cap May 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

Which, don’t know if you heard, are already cut down to what science calls “the bone,” but not the good kind of “the bone.”

Please expand upon this "bone" theory of yours…

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 9:35 am

Just take it like a sweet injection
Just a token of my affection
Another night we'll take another direction
I'm gonna play you like a rhythm section

And when she's in the mood
When she needs that lovin' groove
When she wants it rude
She grooves with Mista Bone

Chichikovovich May 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

This quarter we exceeded our previously provided outlook

Translation: Profits fell 31%, but it's all good because we thought we would do even worse.

That's the kind of leadership we need in Washington.

OldWhiteLies May 24, 2012 at 9:24 am

27,000. Granted, over a period of years, but geeze. NPR just reported that a third of these are going to be here in the states.

Even if that Good News Hat Trick (TM) shows up, I'm wondering if I should just trade in my snark credits towards more compassion ones; those poor folks are welcome to them.

freakishlywrong May 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

So what? We're all screwed, that's what! They're gonna downsize Initech.

FNMA May 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

Michael Bolton sucks.

JackDempsey1 May 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

As (formerly-emplyoyed) Californians, most of those 27,000 have garages where they can develop their own ultracool wireless flat-panel social media face-thingy (hint: start with a cardboard box, then think outside of it).
Walter Isaacson is canvassing the neighborhoods around HP on foot right now.

James Michael Curley May 24, 2012 at 9:27 am

Meg Whitman will replace Kathy Bates in the sequel; "Misery II: the Jobs Just Slipped Away."

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 9:36 am

"Hey HP employees, I'm your biggest fan!"

ManchuCandidate May 24, 2012 at 9:29 am

Aside from the typical corpratese, this sounds like it was a job cut waiting for an excuse.

Beatings will continue till morale improves…

James Michael Curley May 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

Beating always goes better with a little lubricant.

V572 Is this him? May 24, 2012 at 9:30 am

Even more interesting (in the "Well, duh!" sense) is that California has more people than any other state. So yes, it has a larger budget deficit than other state, and more people in prison than any other state, and more roads in need of repair than any other state.

That's why HP is leaving Calif…oh, wait—they're not. And neither is Apple. Nor any of these guys.

Could it be that, if you pay more taxes you get more stuff, and that it might therefore be worth it?

JustPixelz May 24, 2012 at 9:36 am

The job creators have had Dubya's favorable tax treatment for ten years. It doesn't work. Never did.

Jobs are created by people who buy things, not by rich people with some extra folding money. In the highly technical language of economics, it's called "demand". Jobs are not created by people who run a business. Ask those who worked at that closed store whose name everyone has forgotten.

philpjfry May 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

I love this comment!! why doesn't everyone see this? I stole it and posted it to facebook. But I gave you credit for it. I hope you don't mind, but I needed to piss a few people off.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

True 'nuff. Take Whitman's $16 mil and let HP keep it and invest it, and then the theory works. Adding it to her personal pile of cash doesn't do shit for the economy (and ditto for the dividends and capital gains of the shareholders.)

BaldarTFlagass May 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

This really needs the picture of Mitt slipping on the latex glove rather than doing the golf clap.

Steverino247 May 24, 2012 at 9:39 am

Firing 27,000 people?! Who's going to applaud wildly behind Megs when she speaks to the press?

V572 Is this him? May 24, 2012 at 9:48 am

Everybody dance!

elburritodeluxe May 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

She laid them off here, but she can pick up twice that many workers in India for half the price!

proudgrampa May 24, 2012 at 10:06 am

Christ, I thought Carly Fiorina had been reinstated at HP.

philpjfry May 24, 2012 at 10:12 am

No one should begrudge a company trying to make a profit. But come on, 27,000 jobs?? That must mean at least 75,000 PEOPLE will be affected. People are people to my friend

MosesInvests May 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm

So why should it be that you and I should get along so awfully?

Skullfry Conte May 24, 2012 at 10:23 am

Not a day goes by where the GOP remind me more and more of Zorg from the Fifth Element.

Assistant: Sir, the board recommends laying off 500,000.
Zorg: Lay off one million.

proudgrampa May 24, 2012 at 10:43 am

HP was where I learned to never love your job: it won't love you back.

GeorgiaBurning May 24, 2012 at 10:45 am

"Job creation" means for pool boys and maids. I'm guessing Meg is already looking for a bigger house in a better neighborhood, before some of those Facebook-thingy upstarts move in.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2012 at 10:46 am

So HP's profits were a mere 6 billion fucking dollars? That's tragic – no wonder Meg felt the need for some creative job destruction.

27,000 jobs (for the unwashed 99%-ers) are a small price to pay, when weighed against the unbearable agony of the Mitt Romneys of the world suffering a tiny drop in their (taxed-at-15-percent) dividends and capital gains. I'm sure that extra bit of cash will trickle back down to the 27,000 — with magical invisible-hand bonuses attached. (Someone should ask Mitt how that's gonna work, exactly, because I sure as hell ain't seeing it.)

EDIT: I almost forgot: Fuck you, Meg.

Pithaughn May 24, 2012 at 11:01 am

OT, but if this country had universal health care, most of those 27,000 would have already been starting their own business. Doing two things would let loose an economic tidal wave of innovation and growth, Universal health care, and lower the min wage to $1/hour.

Fox n Fiends May 24, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Correct about Health Care, but explain how your $1/hr workers will explode with innovation. They will starve.

Callyson May 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

I wish Californians had elected Meg Whitman. She would have been more successful and explained to Californians the need to cut back on spending and eliminate unnecessary programs.

Yeah, because noted tightwad Jerry Brown hasn't spent any time at all cutting back on spending to clean up the mess left behind by W and Ah – nahld…

Moran.

Callyson May 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

I think it’s interesting that the state with the highest or among the highest tax rates in the nation also has the worst or near the worst deficit.

You want interesting? Google "Texas budget deficit," asshole…

fuflans May 24, 2012 at 12:33 pm

really?

(/snark).

natoslug May 24, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Ah, HP. My last printer (recalled) was an HP. My only HP laptop made an impressive pop and then belched out a cloud of smoke three weeks after its warranty expired. I unplugged it when the N and B keys started burning. Hopefully those 27,000 jobs were in their Quality Control division, because those people have been asleep for years. I think what I'm trying to say is that Meg Whitman would be the perfect Romney VP. They both have such beautiful hair and the love of the common man.

fuflans May 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm

i'm not paying attention until someone brings back the demon sheep.

imissopus May 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I think it’s interesting that the state with the highest or among the highest tax rates in the nation also has the worst or near the worst deficit.

Because we were experimenting with teabaggers long before it became fashionable (See Jarvis, Harold, and Prop. 13), and this is the result after thirty years of that bullshit. People keep wanting stuff but no one wants to pay for it.

BZ1 May 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Meg and Mittens seem a match, slash and burn repubs!

Fox n Fiends May 24, 2012 at 2:01 pm

There's a good article in the May 14th New Yorker about stuff like this, called When Giants Fail. In a nutshell, poor people rule the world and if you stop making things for poor people your company will fail.

ttommyunger May 24, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Hewlett used to provide a good product with good service. Those days have been over for a while, I quit them last year in disgust and went with another Printer after thirty plus years.
I am not sorry, especially after reading this article.

veence69 May 24, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Romney/Whitman 2012!

*sticks dick in toaster*

Designer_Radio May 24, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Do we have to wait all the way 'til tomorrow for Mitt to take a lot of credit for this?

V572 Is this him? May 24, 2012 at 10:11 am

Thank goodness our air superiority over the Taliban will be maintained!

Biel_ze_Bubba May 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The ones who blame Obama? Yeah, I forgot about those – was thinking that HP would mostly have smart employees.

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