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Don't eat the fishWell, there has been a big to-do! Some “lady” decided it was perfectly acceptable to fly on an airplane in a whorish T-shirt about how if she wanted the GOP in her vag, she’d fuck one! But luckily a hero airline pilot had her pulled aside as she was disembarking the flying can and explained that whores do not get to fly on airplanes if their political slogans offend the airplanes’ pilots. So after he kept her there awhile, lecturing her as is proper and appropriate, she missed her connecting flight! But that was ok: he had called ahead to the other gate to warn them she was coming … and not to let her onboard if she was still wearing the disgusting terrible T-shirt about wombs. So they didn’t. American Airlines is a HERO!

Here is “The Story of ‘O'” as told to her colleague in Forced Abortions R Us:

[O]n the plane of the first leg of my flight home, I spent the majority of [time] sleeping, using my shawl as a blanket. Right before we were set to land the flight attendant from first class approaches me and asks if I had a connecting flight? We were running a bit behind schedule, so I figured I was being asked this to be sure I would make my connecting flight. She then proceeded to tell me that I needed to speak with the captain before disembarking the plane and that the shirt I was wearing was offensive.

The shirt was gray with the wording, “If I wanted the government in my womb, I’d fuck a senator.” I must also mention that when I boarded the plane, I was one of the first groups to board (did not pass by many folks). I was wearing my shawl just loosely around my neck and upon sitting down in my seat the lady next to me, who was already seated, praised me for wearing the shirt.

When I was leaving the plane the captain stepped off with me and told me I should not have been allowed to board the plane in DC and needed to change before boarding my next flight. This conversation led to me missing my connecting flight. I assumed that because I was held up by the captain, they would have called ahead to let the connecting flight know I was in route. Well, upon my hastened arrival at the gate of the connecting flight, it was discovered that they did indeed call ahead but not to hold the flight, only to tell them I needed to change my shirt. I was given a seat on the next flight and told to change shirts.

Due to the fact that my luggage was checked, changing shirts without spending money wasn’t an option. I consulted a friend with a law background who told me covering with my shawl would suffice. Upon boarding the now rescheduled flight with shawl covering my shirt, my ticket dinged invalid. I was pulled to the side while the gentleman entered some codes into the computer and then told, “it was all good.” I did finally arrive home to pick up my daughter an hour and a half later than scheduled.

As you can see, that pilot is an American hero for deciding what political opinions ladies can and can’t wear on flights that aren’t even his. If anything, it just makes too much sense.

[RealityCheck]

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  • Barb

    Was she a blah lady? It would be dumb to fly the plane without the blah box on board.

    • nounverb911

      The blah box is bright orange so it's easy to find.

      • and it beeps

      • Barb

        Yes, I know the black box is orange. It was a JOKE.

        • Sure you do, "Barb".

          • Barb

            I was married to the son of the Head Captain and Union President of the now defunct Capitol International Airways.

            That didn't stop me from asking Carl once why the whole plane isn't made of the same material as the indestructible black box material. It took him 90 minutes to explain and I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was just kidding.

          • Boojum

            See? Why do you think they are defunct?

        • Tundra Grifter

          Orange you glad he got the joke?

      • Guppy

        I thought it was more pinkish.

        • Why, did Joe Arpaio design it?

          • Boojum

            Boehner designed it.

    • Guppy

      Maybe she left it in its jar, on the fireplace mantle.

    • Callyson

      FWB (flying while black) is a thing now?

      Christ, it probably is…

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I assume if she was black, and wearing a shawl, they would have thought she was Muslim, and we would never had heard from her again.

      • Guppy

        She might try to implant a device into her box!

  • nounverb911

    For a union pilot he's awfully teabaggish.

    • Schmannnity

      A lot of airline pilots are right-wing former naval or air force pilots.

      • Which is weird, cuz all the flight attendants I know are fabulous gay boys.

        • Guppy

          Hence the armored cockpit doors.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          Don't ask, don't tell.

        • Negropolis

          You go to the skies with the crew you have…something, something, something.

      • iburl

        …and now they make less money than a Starbucks barista.

    • fuflans

      i am quite concerned that this is going to turn out to be my cousin.

      i'm so concerned i'm not going to link on this story…

      • MissNancyPriss

        Ahahahaha

    • spinozasgod

      here in Wisconsin nearly 40% of union members plan on voting for Walker….go figure.

    • rickmaci

      Most of the pilots could give a shit about labor issues. Their concerns about working people are all about their check, their benefits, their pension, nothing and nobody else. They would run their grandmother over with the damn plane if she was on a picket line outside the airport.

    • grex1949

      Based on my anecdotal experience, knowing only a dozen or so airline pilots, virtually all are teabaggers. That is all.

  • 12X34X

    The pilot must have been a rethuglican.

  • LettucePrey

    “If I wanted American Airlines in my face, I’d blow a pilot."

    • Serolf_Divad

      Two words: dental dam.

  • I didn't realize American Airlines was Catholic school.

  • So because he flies in the sky in airplane the pilot thinks he is God?

    • I thought God was the co-pilot.

      • I think that is Dog

    • Did you ever know one? They're almost as bad a surgeons.

    • Bodeburu

      That's why American Airlines pilots are known throughout the industry as "Sky Nazis"

    • Buckminster

      he don't wear no pants and she don't wear no tie
      Always on the ball, she's always on strike
      Struttin' up the aisle, big deal, you get to fly
      You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
      You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky

      Paid my fare, don't wanna complain
      You get to me, you're always outta champagne
      Treat me like a bum, don't wear no tie
      'cause you ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
      You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky

      And the sign says, "Thank you very much for not smoking"
      My own sign says, "I'm sorry, I'm smokin'"
      Don't treat me special, don't kiss my ass
      Treat me like the way they treat 'em up in first class

      Sanitation expert and a maintenance engineer
      Garbage man, a janitor and you my dear
      A real union flight attendant, my oh my
      You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
      You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
      You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky
      –The Replacements

  • Not_So_Much

    If a person chooses to wear a shirt that says 'fuck' on it into a business, it's not shocking if that business chooses not to serve that person.

    • Arken

      I don't know, I'm kind of shocked that it's 2012 and people still have a problem with that word.

      • Not_So_Much

        Personally, I use it way too fucking much. It works in a way other words don't. But, I really try not to around kids and old people. (I still fuck that fucking part the fuck up.)

        I actually like the shirt and the sentiment. But to pretend to be shocked and victimized when wearing it out in public strikes me as a bit disingenuous.

        • Preferred Customer

          I have to agree with you. I am by no means prudish, but the last thing I need after boarding an airplane is to have to spend the entire flight answering my 5 year old's questions about what the word "fuck" means.

          • Buckminster

            You're so lucky you weren't my mother.

        • Butch_Wagstaff

          I love using profanity, to be honest. But usually only around my partner or with friends or people who I know wouldn't be bothered by it. But, like you, I try not to use that language around kids and old people. If I use it in public, it's usually directed at vehicles.

          • extreme_left

            meh.. I swear around old people all the time.. fuck them.. it's not like the "good old days" with candy coated chocolate horse dicks actually existed, they swore/swear themselves so it's just hypocrisy at work for them to get all hoity toity… plus their ideologies are what have fucked our planet.. so fuck them again… in the nicest possible way.

          • Buckminster

            Most of those you are trying to protect can't read, though. Either through not knowing how or through having poor vision.

      • Do those words come with an expiration date? I believe fuck has been around for centuries, but it is still considered obscene.

        I know I'm just old, but there's something aggressive and angry about that word – I thought that's why we use it – and I just don't want to deal with it in every situation at anybody's whim. If we're having an argument, break out the fucks when you get angry. If you're writing dialogue for the Sopranos, fucking write fuck all the fuck you want. And, obviously, if you're having an internet conversation about the word fuck feel free. But do I really have to read it on your shirt as I'm walking through the airport? Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I don't want to fight. Maybe I just got groped by some TSA pervert and I'm trying to go to a happy place. Maybe I want to pretend I live in a nice world, just for a moment. Can you not cuss at me for just that moment?

        And pretending this has something to do with the political statement is a stretch. That Becky, sometimes she stretches. Those nice people who serve drinks on airplanes and have to put up with drunken masher businessmen and convective mixing in the troposphere probably just don't want your shirt cussin' at them. They're trying to be nice. Why can't everybody just be nice? On somebody else's lawn, of course.

        • Arken

          You'd think if the word had been around for centuries, people wouldn't be so fucking sensitive.

          • When people are no longer sensitive to it, nobody will use it.

        • commiegirl

          I disagree! (Shockingly.) I think it comes down to the fact that the pilot made sure she couldn't make her NEXT flight, instead of asking her to turn her shirt inside out on HIS.

      • jerichothedrifter

        AT least she was wearing a shirt and not a wifebeater, sweatpants and flip-flops like half of the passengers I see.

    • DaveJ

      So just say "uh, ma'am, there are kids on the flight, could you please wear that for the duration of the flight?"

    • CommieLibunatic

      My thoughts exactly, even with less charged shirts. If you broadcast anything explicit or political, you better be ready for a fight. And if you can't stand the heat…

      • keep fucking that chicken? (did I get that right?)

        • Wile E. Quixote

          You know who else kept fucking that chicken?

      • Negropolis

        Then maybe you shouldn't be an airline pilot?

    • Guppy

      The GOP wants to regulate fucking, no more and no less. If it's an appropriate subject in the Capitol, it's appropriate in the general public.

      • Not_So_Much

        I disagree. The GOP only wants to regulate fucking for women, who are whores that take whore pills and have abortions all the time.

        • Guppy

          Not necessarily: they also want a regulation ensuring that a woman is actually involved in any fucking.

          • Boojum

            Yes, but not allowed to be. Cognitive dissonance is a way of life.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I don't think the pilot handled it well, and it could have easily been out of prudishness as politics. I do think they had every reason to ask her to cover it up, and should have asked her to wear her shawl.

      That being said, given modern air travel, I'm pretty sure that "fuck" was used by more than a few passengers on the flight.

      • Preferred Customer

        Yes. Modern air travel is profoundly unpleasant in nearly every way, and is equaled only by appliance repair in the annals of "First World Things That Make People Want to Go Postal." Also, maybe working at the post office.

        What makes an unpleasant thing even more unpleasant is when pompous douchebags want to make political statements with shouty shirts instead of just going along to get along, because seriously people, we're all just trying to reach our destination with some semblance of decorum. If this woman wants to unleash profanity and invective at the people she's meeting on the other side, good for her. More power to her, etc. But an airliner is really not an appropriate place to take a Political Stand on the various Issues of the Day, unless those issues somehow directly relate to the airline, which this clearly did not.

        Having said that, the pilot sounds like a bit of a self-important douche socket as well. At the end of the day, though, the pilot is the guy/woman in charge, and she gets to make the rules. Please don't pick a fight with them. I don't want them all upset and angry and fuming when they're calculating their next approach.

    • AncienReggie

      I just disagree, completely. And with those others here who share your sentiments.
      Who gets to decide what is offensive? Well, we all do. And for me, personally, this pilot was WAY more offensive that the woman wearing a T-shirt that I, personally, would consider unnecessarily crude under the circumstances.

      If grossly overweight, loud, noisesome and dragging on 3 cubic yards of carry-on luggage aren't deemed too offensive for air travel, a little silent free speech certainly seems acceptable to me.

      • Not_So_Much

        Pretty much any business owner/representative gets to decide what is and isn't offensive within the confines of their business. She absolutely has a right to wear it and free speech is not the issue here. But the airline also has the right to refuse service to anyone they deem offensive. Could have been handled WAY better. But it's naive for a person to assume they can wear a shirt that says 'fuck' on it out in public with no repercussions whatsoever.

        • UnholyMoses

          The pilot can bitch and moan all he wants on HIS flight, but had no right whatsofuckingever to make this woman miss her next flight. That, IMHO, is the big deal here: that the pilot tried to ruin this woman's trip as much as possible because of a WORD ON A SHIRT. She wasn't drunk, wasn't disruptive, wasn't rude. She wore a shirt.

          Plus, he confronted her AFTER the flight. If it were such a big deal, he should have done it during/before it. But he didn't.

          Also, too: I get the "wear the shirt, be ready for consequences" thing — I had an anti-Bush shirt I used to wear, and got into several arguments that nearly came to blows (the bad kind, not the good kind). But no one ever refused me service or asked/made me change or turn it inside out.

          Besides, I find sagging much, much more offense than a word. Does that give me a right to not serve kids who do it? How long before ya think I'd get sued?

          Or, shorter: What is offensive to some isn't to others.

          • Buckminster

            Her shirt in no way endangered the safety of passengers or the plane or the crew. Therefore, he is nothing but a sanctimonious asshole.

      • NorthStarSpanx

        Yeah, the pilot was right, being unwillingly prodded with a uterine x-ray is a lot more civilized than a provocative t-shirt.

        Her answer should have been, just lay back and close your eyes Mr. Pilot.

        • sharethegrief

          Best logic on here. If you're a man, I will praise you even more.

        • Negropolis

          /thread

          I guess it's "wrong shirt, wrong shoes, no service."

    • finallyhappy

      I think it is pretty immature to wear stuff like that- except at protest marches.

    • huracan

      Jesus Christ…she contracted with the AIRLINE, not with the pilot.

      • Not_So_Much

        As the CEO was unavailable to fly the plane that day, I think it's safe to assume the pilot was the senior corporate representative available in that scenario.  Read the fine print on your next eTicket. They don't need a constitutional crisis to bump someone off a plane. 

        • Preferred Customer

          Oh, so now the CEO is too good to fly the fucking plane? He probably thinks he's above serving drinks, pulling the baggage carts, and issuing tickets, too. Jesus, this country.

        • 1stNewtontheMoon

          that's ridiculous logic. senior corporate representative? what the fuck does that even mean? are you making that up? c'mon you're making that up. not even HR employee handbook writers believe in such nonsense.

          is the bathroom attendant the senior corporate representative of every bar in america that's cool/pretentious enough to have one? and besides, no one's bumping anyone off a flight that's already fucking landed. they're just harassing someone they don't agree with. people need to get off their goddamn high horses and relax their oh-so-delicate sensibilities.

          swearing at children? bad. using profane language where a child might hear? questionable but not per se horrible. wearing a t-shirt that uses a word ("fuck") in a context that is neither aggressive nor particularly offensive? why the fuck are you staring at her tits?

    • Buckminster

      He was a martinet and a buttinsky for making any comment on it whatsoever. His job is to fly the freakin' plane, not be the moral compass of it. Grow up!

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      unless they've already paid for the fucking service.

  • MissTaken

    The shirt was gray with the wording, “If I wanted the government in my womb, I’d fuck a senator.”

    Where can I find one of these shirts? These could be the relaunch of the Wonkett Stor!

  • edgydrifter

    Real American Airlines

    • gullywompr

      Merkin Airlines.

    • FOX Airlines?

  • Fairtackle

    Shit, If I was a pilot it would be hotpants and tube tops for all the ladies.

    • The good looking ones only, please….

    • V572 Is this him?

      Except the ancient harridan flight attendants of…American Airlines.

  • keinsignal

    And thus another 9/11 was averted.

  • masteringbabel

    What happened to free speech? I thought Americans were big on that!

    • Oblios_Cap

      We are. In the "God gave you free will, but you can't use it" kind of way.

    • OhNoGuy

      You must have bumped your head real hard 10 or 20 years ago.

  • nounverb911

    "And don't call me Shirley."

  • If he was offended by a mere tshirt, how does face the cold, jaded cynical world everyday?
    Boo Fucking Hoo! Free country, bitch. Get over it.

    • Constitution sez wut teh BIBLE sez!!! Look at the DOLLAR BILL!

  • Exhausted66

    American Airlines: The airline so American that it's bankrupt.

    • nounverb911

      They went bankrupt to bust their unions, so yes.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Would it be okay if the shirt said that she would have intercourse/sexytime/do the nasty/horizontal mambo with a senator? What? What, Mr. Pilot Man, sir? Was it the "F" word? Or is it her effrontery in having some sort of feminazi/women's libber notion that she can have her own opinions, like not deferring to a MAN when it comes to those big ol' bodily integrity decisions? Please explain to us simple little womenfolk Mr. Pilot Man sir, because otherwise we'll get all teary-eyed and emotional and hysterical and might accidentally kick you in the groin really hard as we are getting all tantrumy and then as we are losing our balance and falling over on our teetery FMN stilettos (the only approved footwear for women, what would a woman need practical footwear for?), we might accidentally grab your nose or lip or tiny little balls really tightly with our long sharp fingernails to stop from falling.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Or what if it said "Fuck Mohammed Atta"?

  • ibwilliamsi

    Because no one ever wore a disgusting "Big Johnson" t-shirt on AA flight from Mexico…

    • Or Co-Ed Naked Lacrosse. Yeah, dude!!! Herp Derp!

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      You can wear that t-shirt, but only if you verify it before boarding.

    • LIQUOR IN THE FRONT, POKER IN THE REAR LIBEL!

      • Butch_Wagstaff

        Heh. I got one of those shirts for a best lesbian friend of mine. It was her favorite t-shirt. I don't think she ever wore it while flying, though.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    So let me see if I have this straight. If you wear a shirt that says "If I wanted the government in my womb, I'd fuck a senator." American Airlines will throw you off the plane but If you're a stupid asshole who's too fat to fit in one seat, has bad personal hygiene, is towing around a badly behaved screaming house-ape or are too lazy to check your luggage and try the bullshit excuse of "Well I don't understand it fits in the overhead bins on the other planes" American Airlines doesn't have a problem.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Yes, that is American Airlines. And Delta, and Unitinental, and (worst of all) US Airways, which, six years after its takeover/merger with/by America West, still has not merged the seniority lists. Boy are there aircrews cheerful, happy people to deal with. And if they succeed in taking over American, it'll get worse!

      • In Pittsburgh some people still refer to US Airways as "Us Still Allegheny."

        • V572 Is this him?

          US Air/ways was like Lufthansa compared to America West.

          • And yet America West came out as top dog in the merger.CEO Doug Parker wanted to live in Paradise Valley, AZ, so he moved the HQ to Tempe, leaving the new, world-renowned, mostly publicly funded, Pittsburgh International Airport in a lurch.It still to this day looks much like a very posh ghost town.And most of the overseas flights that had grown as the new airport was recognized for excellence have disappeared.Pittsburgh, which had kept above water even after the demise of manufacturing, lost a ton of jobs.Parker's an asshole but he'll get his long-stated wish to suck up AA, too, now that he struck a deal last month with AA's unions to support a merger.And benefiting the most financially?Doug Parker.

          • V572 Is this him?

            Used to go through PIT all the time during my days as a US Airways indentured passenger. It was the first airport in my experience to have interesting shopping, although no place good to eat. If it’s any consolation I think the feds put up most of the $$ for airports. You could check w/STL, which got seduced and abandoned after the TWA/American “merger.”Had to write Mr Parker a little letter after a trip to Zihuateñejo last spring, when his telephone minions told me four times I could bring a guitar into “first” class and his ramp minions in Zihua said no. Plus abusive food, late service, and a pilot who pushed his way off the aircraft ahead of the passengers so we could all read the anti-government bumper stickers on his roller bag. No response.

          • A sizable amount of the money Allegheny County put up for the airport was supposed to be returned to the citizens in the form of taxes collected on parking.Now that a huge portion of the parking lots sit empty most days, the airport will be out of commission before that ever happens.

          • V572 Is this him?

            Maybe they could convert it into a sports stadium. Sports teams never leave, and building them lavish facilities always pays off.

        • MoeDeLawn

          Umm, that's not "Alleghany," it's "All-Agony" if I remember correctly.

  • Hopefully the flight attendant later brought the pilot the fish for dinner.

    • grex1949

      boneless. at the Y.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Shawl libel!!!!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Someone needs to sit this jackoff down and explain that he's just an aerial bus-driver and that he should get the fuck over himself because if being a pilot was hard then George W. Bush and Rick Perry never would have made it through flight school.

    • Exhausted66

      Except buses don't have a button that let's the bus do all the work.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        And bus drivers aren't allowed to fuck around on an iPad while they're supposed to be doing their jobs.

    • LionHeartSoyDog

      The pilot was an arrogant asshole, but i don't think W ever made it through flight school.

      • MosesInvests

        Yeah, he did. He washed out of flight status afterwards because he skipped a physical (probably because he was coked up).

    • MissNancyPriss

      And those terrorists who learned how to fly giant commercial airliners right into buildings by taking a few lessons in Florida.

      • aklibtard

        Landing is the hard part.

  • Sounds like a pilot who likes gladiator movies.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He has definitely washed grown men naked.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        He was probably downloading pictures of naked men on his American Airlines iPad during the flight.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Shirley you jest!

    • MOG2410

      Flying back East tomorrow – I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue.

  • Schmannnity

    Bankrupt airlines cannot be choosy about passengers or political beliefs.

  • Maybe His Churlishness would take more kindly to my T-shirt bearing the same message for our state senators: an image of Fat Bastard and the caption "GIT OUTTA MAH BELLY!"

  • He needs to open up 'Right Wing (haha–get it?) Airlines' where he can establish his own boring dress code.

    • Fare la Volpe

      All women must wear their regulation flight burkas coverings. For Jesus. Amen.

      • Bare an ankle and be prepared to be pushed out the emergency exit.

      • emmelemm

        And yet, ironically, if a woman boarded a plane in full burka, the pilot would be entirely within his established guidelines to FREAK THE FUCK OUT and refuse to take off. Because apparently pilots can refuse to take off for any reason whatsoever – if they don't feel "right", they can shut that shit down.

        Because burkas are a security risk. Plus, Muslims.

        • V572 Is this him?

          They're such girls, those pilots.

        • You never know what's hiding in there! Little known fact–almost everything is virtually undetectable when covered by a burqa–even in a full body scan! The burqa covers everything!

        • You never know what's hiding in there! Little known fact–almost everything is virtually undetectable when covered by a burqa–even in a full body scan! The burqa covers everything!!!!1!!

    • CommieLibunatic

      Open up his own business… is that you, MIttens?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I'd be all in favor of that, and hey, who needs that pesky FAA inspecting your planes, let the free market do it for you. Oh, and passengers are allowed to carry guns. Give an airline like this three or four years to operate and you could end up with a lot of teabaggers auto-darwinating.

  • Not_So_Much

    I'm tired of these muthafuckin' fuck shirts on this muthafuckin' plane!

  • miss_grundy

    I was watching the local news over dinner and I think American Airlines will now not honor a group of seats that have been purchased so that the group can all sit together. That means, that if a family of four purchases their tickets, the seats will be scattered throughout the plane. How much fun is that going to be when the flight attendants will have to babysit underage children, because the AA computer gave them seats far away from mommy and daddy? How awesome is that!!!!!!

    • What is the purpose of that? To make the flight that much shittier?

      • V572 Is this him?

        To make more money, natch. They (some airlines) are now charging more for aisle and window seats. So please heed their message: leave the rug rats at home.

      • miss_grundy

        Not only that, but these airlines have the bad habit of following each other's practices so the other airlines may decide to do the same thing.

        You would have thought, that some bright-eyed, bushy-tailed management type would have thought this through and said "Hell, no!" but I guess not.

    • finallyhappy

      That happened to us (years ago)and I told the flight attendants that I was perfectly happy to have my 8 and 5 year old sit with other people. I said when the 5 year old starts crying and possibly having a nose bleed- I hope the adults sitting with her wouldn't mind.As for the 8 year old- I hoped the people sitting with him wouldn't mind while he told them the entire history of some war or every detail about the invention and building of some airplane. they changed seats around for us..

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        no shit. sounds like a pretty snappy deal for parents traveling with children.

    • My mother flies American a lot, the only direct flight from Tucson to O'Hare so she can visit the grandkids without having to change planes (since she is disabled). She got a notice from them saying they will now be charging $25 per ticket extra for anyone sitting in window or aisle seats. In other words, my 85-year-old penny-pinching ma will now be sitting in a center seat, annoying the aisle person who paid $25 extra every one of the 15 times she needs to get up to go to the bathroom. She'll probably whack the window person on the head with her cane, too. Joke's on them.

    • MOG2410

      United does it, my flight out to CA on Monday the guy in the middle seat next to me had his four year old placed in the bulkhead row, middle seat. Yeah, that was going to work.

      • spareme

        Mebbe they should charge you $25 for wearing a tee shirt as well. And another $25 for underwear, and another for pants, and another for…

        Fuck it. I'm driving.

  • Lucidamente1

    "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit worrying about free speech."

  • SayItWithWookies

    These are the people who, when they're stuck at the gate for an hour, won't let you use the toilet they bring with them, right? Makes fuckin' sense to me.

  • SteveMcCroskey

    Wait, I had something for this…

    Damn it.

  • Lucidamente1

    I hear their first-class passengers get free trans-vaginal probes; there's a small charge for them in coach.

    • Guppy

      Pregnant women are required to purchase two tickets.

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        on flights originating in oklahoma, women who have had sex (penatrative vaginal missionary vanilla sex with a man) in the previous 72 hours have to buy two tickets.

  • Rotundo_

    Short of Ryanair or some third world piece of shit airline American Airlines is the biggest flying penalty box around. If you boycott you're only doing yourselves a favor. As for myself I have already crossed them off my list long ago for a litany of reasons.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Truer words etc. Also add Delta.

      • NWA taught me to never check my bags with the people standing outside of the terminal. Their convenience booth conveniently lost my bags for days.

    • PubOption

      I have avoided United for many years because of their unreliable service, and because their idea of helping a disabled passenger into his seat, was to find a gorilla-like baggage handler to pick him up out of the wheelchair and throw him into his seat ( a window seat).

  • HistoriBarb

    Obviously the pilot is in cahoots with a vendor at the airport – he was trying to get her to purchase a shirt in the airport duty-free shop!

    • grex1949

      She should have bought the one that says, "My mom and dad went to D.C. and all I got was this f((&*^ing t-shirt"

    • Buckminster

      As usual, follow the money,

  • gullywompr

    She should have flown HBO Air. They don't give a fuck what you say.

  • Nopantsmcgee

    This is what happens when you take away the Pre-Flight Cocktail Hour from the pilots.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Sorry, we'll need to re-institute the downfist button for this one I suppose, but I would have complained about the shirt had I been on the flight. I say fuck more than you do, but it is not appropriate where and when children are present.

    • Guppy

      On the contrary, "fuck" gives parents a cop-out. When little Johnny asks "What's 'fuck' mean?" they can tell him that it's a bad word and leave it at that. How do you handwave away "copulate?"

      • PuckStopsHere

        By explaining it is a good word intended to mask a bad word in a statement which is not polite to utter in front of small children, I suppose.

    • UnholyMoses

      As a parent, it wouldn't bother me a bit — I'd just say it's a grown up word kids shouldn't say. Pretty simple, really.

      Not sure why all the parents are freaking the fuck out over this, quite frankly …

    • Buckminster

      Wow, in this town, the under-tens use it constantly in the local mall. What utopia do you live in?

    • Buckminster

      My dad told us it was not a good word to say back when I was 4 and read it on the side of a building. However, since I went through the public school system and the school of hard knocks, it is more appropriate today than it ever was when I was a child. AA is out of line.

  • pdiddycornchips

    I wouldn't mind poking around Kristen Gillibrand's womb for a while.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I distinctly recall sitting next to a fellow on my last AA flight wearing a t-shirt that read

    CPA: Certified Pussy Abuser

    Clearly this woman's mistake was choosing to be born with a vagina.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I distinctly recall sitting next to a fellow on my last AA flight wearing a t-shirt that read

    CPA: Certified Pussy Abuser

    This lady just doesn't understand that AA has standards.

  • Fare la Volpe

    I distinctly recall sitting next to a fellow on my last AA flight wearing a t-shirt that read

    CPA: Certified Pussy Abuser

    This lady just doesn't understand that AA has standards, thankyouverymuch.

    • Best shirt at pride: "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look" (on a girl of course).

    • Callyson

      Please tell me the flight attendants "accidentally" spilled hot coffee on his lap, or forced him to check his carry on (and then found a way to lose it), or something…

  • e_z

    Capt'n Carol declared Sky Law…

  • Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking abortionists on this motherfucking plane!

  • Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking abortionist sluts on this motherfucking plane!

  • Limeylizzie

    We need Roscoe to weigh in on this. He is the Flying Wonketteer, I believe.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Oh yes, indeedy! Pilots. Let's see. Arrogant, check. Cheap, check. Insufferable bores, check. Religious nutcases or Paultards (about 50/50 in my own personal experience), check. I'd say this gal ended up with one of the religious nutcases.

      And by the way, I do not happen to fly for American (fwiw.) I fly for the other one. The one that rhymes with "indicted."

  • mavenmaven

    Was that pilot the same American Airlines Christiany jerk who did this? http://articles.cnn.com/2004-02-09/travel/airline

  • mavenmaven

    Was that pilot the same American Airlines Christiany jerk who did this? http://articles.cnn.com/2004-02-09/travel/airline

    • That story makes me happy when I read a poll that the fastest growing "religious" group is "agnostic/atheist/none".

      • Butch_Wagstaff
        • I want to go to there.

          I've never traveled or lived anywhere other than Merika, but I often wonder if I'd appreciate living in one of the European social democracies that have their shit together better. They seem to be much smarter on average than many of my conuntrymen, on average. You know, one of them socialist-y Euro countries that wingnuts know as "Not Greece"?

  • V572 Is this him?

    Leave your five-year-old at home, please. Other appreciate it!

    • Boojum

      Will you babysit? No? Then shut the fuck up.

      You know I mean that in the nicest possible way, right?

      • V572 Is this him?

        If grandma and grandpa want to see the little ones, why not fly them to you?

        But if that doesn't work, I’ll gladly babysit. And I mean that in the nicest possibly way.

  • Honestly, I think most planes' cabins are so extremely cramped that if she was wearing a shawl, most of the front of the shirt was likely unreadable. For a child to see that, I think she'd have to be sitting right next to them.

  • Sounds like CPAC…?

  • The government must have a huuuge cock, if it can reach all the way to a woman's uterus.

  • She picked a hell of a day to quit wearing tasteful outfits …

  • Blueb4sunrise

    This pilot doesn't have a twitter account …does he?

  • CommieLibunatic

    As bone-headed of a move as it was to wear such a shirt, I'm still surprised we give two fucks about dirty language sometimes. You would think after a decade that involved 9/11, two wars, torture mass shootings, anti-gay rants about eternal damnation, the Bush/Cheney Administration, etc., we'd develop thicker skin and tougher stomachs. I guess I'm forgetting our Puritan roots again.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This is why I hate flying on any American airline. If this had been Air France, the crew would have just rolled their eyes and gone, "O punese – les Americains avec their 'Look at Me' attitudes," then would have started the in-flight movies featuring stark naked people and given everyone free champagne just for breathing.

    • Negropolis

      Also, everyone on the plane would have been smoking mimes with looks of perpetual disgust.

      I remember when I took a Lufthansa flight as a teen, once, they tried to serve us beer. We were 14-17 years old.

  • Wonderthing

    Fucky yeah! America, land of the free if I fucking agree and in hell you rot if I do not. Fuck yah!

  • They should rename the airline to "Real American Airlines."

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    This might be as much about prudishness as politics. I would suspect that many pilots are in favor of abortion, or otherwise you would have to deal with a kid in every city you fly into.

    Still, he could have handled it much better.

  • Doktor Zoom

    Golly. I bet American Airlines has some sort of Customer Relations Website where members of the flying public could politely express their views on this.

    • Dildeaux

      Allsome! Thx.

    • Buckminster

      Thanks, I had to add a piece of my mind, not that I could afford to.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Can I still wear "My government spent $5,000,000,000 in Iraq and all I got was this lousy T-shirt?"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Just because it's a pet peeve:

    The Constitution and Bill of Rights states what a government may or may not do, not a private individual.. You can recognize a religion, if you want, and you can prevent someone from speaking on your property or in your business. The government can't stop you, but an individual or organization can. So, this is not a first amendment issue, or a free speech issue. Doesn't' mean you can't mock this, or that you should not consider it before booking your next flight. But it is not, literally, a federal case.

    • BlueStateLibel

      It also means Editrix can ban any or all of us at will – sshh, but don't let her know that.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      it's a shared pet peeve. but i still love it when walter sobchak loses his fucking shit because his waitress is bothered when he tells the dude, "forget about the fucking toe." (this is the closest i could get: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eM4KmN5c4I )

      that said, AA pilot-man is a complete asshole.

  • Tundra Grifter

    I have one that says in tiny letters across where the pocket would be "Nosy little fucker, aren't you?"

  • rickmaci

    Every pro choice American has a choice to use another airline. Vote with your credit card folks. Never catch me on UnAmerican Airlines again. Captain MacDouchebaggy needs to get some lessons in the power of the consumer.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Except consumers who live in American's mighty Fortress Hub, DFW. They'd be grounded forever without AA. It's free enterprise: better than free speech!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I'm going to start my own airline, Air Quixote. One of our ads will say "At Air Quixote our pilots don't care if your shirt says 'fuck', because you know what? That's not their fucking job. We hire them to get you from point A to point B as safely, quickly and pleasantly as possible, not to behave like hall monitors at a shitty Catholic girls school."

    • rickmaci

      Make that Air Atheist and I'm there.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        Another Air Quixote ad:

        Here at Air Quixote God is not our co-pilot for the same reason that Tinkerbell and Wendy aren't stewardesses, the Lost Boys aren't working as baggage handlers and Peter Pan isn't in the control tower. Because he doesn't fucking exist! OK?

        • rickmaci

          You may read you Bible or use your rosary while in flight, if that makes you comfortable, because even though we don't believe in god, we do believe in and support the First Amendment.

          • Wile E. Quixote

            Our cabin crew will be coming around with a selection of free cocktails for all of our passengers because in addition to believing in and supporting the First Amendment we also believe in and support the Twenty-first Amendment.

        • Negropolis

          WIN! lol

  • shortsandpants

    It was obviously the "fuck" part that was offensive. If her shirt had said something like "blew" or "was assfucked by" there wouldn't have been an issue. These pro-lifers really need to get their rhetoric more attune to the rhythm of modern America.

  • b2s

    Sorry, but this doesn't help. Why do we have to be crude and vulgar? We don't. The point can and should be made in a more dignified way. Can't support this on any basis although I am pro choice without reservation. This is just not a good way to help the cause. Let's not stoop to the level of teh stoopid and insensitive. We can and should do much better. FAIL.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Do you have an examples of how the point could be made in a more dignified way? Or are you just pearl clutching to get some attention?

    • Negropolis

      Who is this "we" you are talking about?

      You know, this airline has the right to do what it did, but that woman can express herself anyway she personally wants to without having to be judged as part of some group.

    • radio-of-owls

      Oh heavens, dear, I think you may be looking for The Earnest People Who Do Not Wish to Offend Blog, which is the next door down on the right. Because here we skullfuck retard cunts with buttsechs and call them poopyheads. In a dignified way, of course.

    • Dildeaux

      Because crude and vulgar is fucking fun. Fuck yes!!1!

      • grex1949

        And polite seems to go unnoticed most of the time. If you want attention to your cause, you will occasionally need to stir things up, in non-violent way, I hope. If people are offended, fuck 'em.

  • PubOption

    I flew to Australia last December on Qantas. One of their in-flight movies was 'The Guard' which would not have much of a soundtrack left, if it was edited for a US-based airline.

  • IndianaKevin

    I have a T-shirt depicting Bush Jr. nude, from the back, pissing oil on the Earth. One time as I walked through a mall, a security guard changed his path to make a beeline toward me. I was getting worried about what was going on, until he stopped in front of me and said, "thank you for wearing that." I should have responded with "thank you for liking it," but I was caught off guard.

  • I'm sorry, but, dumbass that I am, even I know there are certain places where you just don't wear a t-shirt that has the word "fuck" on it in big letters. If I'm on a tight schedule, the last thing I need is puritanical assholes getting all pissy and wasting my exceedingly valuable time with their busybodyness.

    However, if the shirt gets changed to read something like "f***", I'll take two.

    • PuckStopsHere

      That is exactly the solution. You can always tell your five-year-old that you don't know what it means and they will totes buy it.

  • proudgrampa

    Oh. For. Fuck's. Sake.

  • glamourdammerung

    Even if I thought the woman was 100% in the wrong for this, I would support firing the pilot and stewardess immediately for the stupid public humiliation attempt. There is no reason to pull nonsense like that with paying customers, period.

  • In his defense the pilot himself was late for his subsequent flight after hooking up with Larry Craig in the nearest men's room. Well, from a seated position it looked like Larry Craig.

  • rocktonsam

    I'm selling "Fuck AA" tee-shirts on E-bayz

  • BZ1

    Since I worked in the aviation industry, I know how clueless some folks in the biz can be.

  • The pilot's politics are not the least bit surprising. Many commercial pilots began their flying careers in the U.S. Air Force, at this point practically a subsidiary of Evangelical Christianity. Air Force people say it's virtually impossible to be promoted beyond a certain point unless you have a religious history the brass approve of. Of course, they deny that. And, of course, none of them knew Ted Haggard when he was a senior minister in the New Life Church of Colorado Springs.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      No wonder the Air Force is a bunch of fuckups who can't keep track of their nuclear weapons. I'd discharge every evangelical Christoid from the Air Force on general principles, people who buy into that Rapture bullshit have no business being around nuclear weapons.

    • grex1949

      Is that "knew Ted Haggard" in the Biblical sense of the word?

      • Some of those fly boys look pretty hot.I'm sure Ted gave it a try.

  • anniegetyerfun

    The only way that this captain could have been herioc-ier is if he had flown the plane into a bunch of geese and then crash landed it into this woman's vagina without a single passenger dying.

  • DahBoner

    But the pilot was wearing a flag tie, right?

    Which is prohibited under the US Flag Code, which says only active duty military and First Responders can wear the flag.

    LOOKS LIKE HE PICKED THE WRONG DAY TO QUIT AMPHETAMINES

  • PurpleJesus

    Who the fuck wears a shawl?

  • Scarletyoshi

    Since when does fuck not count as offensive language? I mean it's obviously not offensive to most people reading this, but it still counts out in the fleshy world.

  • Negropolis

    So, it's just a thing if a pilot gets shit-faced drunk and tries to land a plane on a freeway, but this woman's shirt makes it impossible to maintain his cabin?

    Fuck off, Mr. Pilot man and your tender-assed, Victorian Christian sensibilities. I get so damned tired of these entitled prigs of a certain age and culture in certain industries who think they deserve an inordinate amount of respect, just because. It's not 1950, anymore.

  • didgen

    It was stupid and in very bad taste, but could they have not simply spoken to her on the flight? Obviously someone noticed it, why wait until the end of the flight? Wearing a tee shirt does so little for your cause, tattoos are much more effective.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      …just ask all the neo-Nazis who've been so effective at recruiting new members with their sweet tatts.

  • Just fly the damn plane, asshole.

  • Canmon

    I can't believe this is happening 50 years after Rosa Parks was sent to the back of the bus for her "I'd fuck a senator" t-shirt.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      I might be wrong, but I thought Rosa's shirt said "My cousin fucked and carried the child of future South Carolina racist asshole Senator, the Honorable Strom Thurmond."

      It was small print. And I went to public school.

  • Dildeaux

    I was on a flight with a woman who was wearing a "Got MILF?" tshirt.
    Luckily for me, the plane had a fainting couch…

  • I'm a pretty fearful flyer. Knowing that a pilot was mentally distracted by his need to Teach Someone a Lesson makes me a teensy bit freaked out.

  • elburritodeluxe

    You know… maybe I'm a conservative douchebag or hate freedom or something , but shame on her for wearing that shirt. To go into a plane, where there are children and where everyone is forced to sit and look at each other for hours, with a shirt that says 'fuck' on it is just being an asshole.

  • ttommyunger

    Get over it, America. There are small-minded prigs in every profession, and some have a modicum of power over others. The bean-counters in Corporate know this is not the kind of Press American needs so I'm guessing Captain Better-Than-Thou will be feeling the luvz from Upstairs soon enough.

  • misanthrope

    That's about the least offensive thing I've seen on American Airlines, those old battle-ax flight attendants have done Dallas a few too many times. They should be like the ladies of Air France, fancy elitist European hats and gloves for all!

  • Buckminster

    There's a reason it's abbreviated "AA." Their policies drive me to drink.

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