congressional kinksters

Steve King Talking Dirty In Public Again

Not a good BDSM profile pic.

America’s most vocal light bulb sex toy fetishist Rep. Steve King had a hot little pile of mouth poop to share with his constituents regarding his personal vision for doling out U.S. work visas to immigrants, by comparing these humans to dogs: “You want a good bird dog? You want one that’s going to be aggressive? Pick the one that’s the friskiest … not the one that’s over there sleeping in the corner.” It goes without saying that Steve King volunteers to personally put a leash on each visa applicant and test for “friskiness,” with his light bulb.

From Salon:

King told the crowd in Pocahontas, Iowa, that he’s owned lots of bird dogs over the years and advised, “You want a good bird dog? You want one that’s going to be aggressive? Pick the one that’s the friskiest … not the one that’s over there sleeping in the corner.”

King suggested lazy immigrants should be avoided as well. “You get the pick of the litter and you got yourself a pretty good bird dog. Well, we’ve got the pick of every donor civilization on the planet,” King said. “We’ve got the vigor from the planet to come to America.”

Steve King sure does love thinking about all those vigorous dogs. Vigor vigor vigor. Why can’t Steve King talk about anything besides his sex fantasies every time he yaps? [Salon]

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    1. Oblios_Cap

      You shoot the bird, the dog jumps in the pond and gets the carcass. Also known, in polite society, as a "Retriever".

    2. Fare la Volpe

      A fast dog designed to chase down small birds or fetch a bird you've shot. Think labradors or pointers.

      1. Mumbly_Libel

        Incidentally, it's also a term for a very specific sort of advocacy, where you harry a candidate for political office, often over the course of multiple events, in order to "flush out" a clear political position on an issue.

        N.B: Mitt Romney is immune to bird-dogging, as he just straps bird-dogs to the roof of his campaign bus.

  1. Doktor StrangeZoom

    And if your immigrants get too old or sick to work, why, you just have 'em put down. It's the humane thing to do.

    1. actor212

      Goodness knows, no immigrant works, say, twelve hours a day busing tables for the crumbs of tips the waiters get, right?

      I mean, those jobs are reserved for white folks.

    2. Crank_Tango

      Um, you need to use quotation marks when you pull text direct from Emma Lazarus like that.

    3. Wile E. Quixote

      What if they're rabid, like Steve King and the other teabaggers in Congress?

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Well, then, you have to make like the ending of "Ol' Yeller"… but with VOTES!!!

    1. shortsandpants

      But does he like bear-dogs or little otter dogs? The world waits for a response.

    2. prommie

      Nope, that is not what he said, what he said is that immigrant people are dogs, not that dogs are people.

    3. finallyhappy

      My rescue hound was a lot better person than any GOP member of congress- even better than some of the Dems there too

  2. SorosBot

    Steve King wants an aggressive dog – so I guess he'd want Cujo for a pet. I for one would like to see that.

  3. Ruhe

    "We've got the vigor of the planet"???

    Somewhere in Pakistan there's a Pakistani Colonel contemplating the fate of his precious bodily fluids.

  4. el_donaldo

    King's picking out the immigrants that can goosestep, salute, and swing a club. Blonde hair-blue eyes preferable but not required.

  5. sullivanst

    It's a sorry state of affairs when Pete King is not the worst person named King in Congress.

      1. sullivanst

        Pete or Steve?

        If it's Pete, then I'm afraid your loss is my gain, I'm in both the old and new 3rd. Steve Israel will be my guy, which I'm happy about (but my boss isn't, screw him! :P)

        Looks like Pete has yet another no-name Dem to run against, which is a shame because his new district went about as strongly for Obama (51-47) as his old one did for McCain (52-47), so a frontline candidate would have had an excellent chance of unseating him before he became the default no-change option for the half of the new NY-02 he has never represented (especially as he's really not used to running against top-tier opponents)

        1. Designer_Radio

          Steve. I've thought he was an insane asshole since I knew who he was, and now due to redistricting, he's favored to be my elected rep. He's going against Christie Vilsack (Ag Secy and fmr. IA Gov Tom's wife). He's actually going to DEBATE her, which he's never deigned to do in the past, because he's scared of his new district, with all the disgusting liberals and more (for IA) subhuman darkies (bird dogs, whatever). I hope she wins, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      I always loved that man's laugh. Paul Lynde…I love him. And Charles Nelson Reilly too. Hmmmmm. A trend is forming here.

  6. CountryClubJihadi

    Well, that is how we got Speedy Gonzales, isn't it? His cousin, "Slowpoke Rodriguez" didn't fare too well as I recall.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Sadly, Slowpoke took too much time getting across the boarder, and died of dehydration in the desert.

  7. Lizzietish81

    When he's talking about vigor and stuff…he's talking about sex right? He's going to test each immigrant himself, right?

    1. chicken_thief

      He's going to have to fend off Sheriff Babeu for first dibs on some of them.

  8. Schmannnity

    No immigrants sleeping in the corner? I think that is code for siesta and sombreros.

  9. Canmon

    So, those who can elude border patrols and make it through the border from Mexico are the frisky ones?

  10. Barb

    Before he left, Steve King sniffed a few asses and then went outside and ate his own poo.

  11. natoslug

    Attention world: America wants your spazoids, your psychos, your hyperactive freakazoids. Load 'em all on meth and send them over. Can't sit still? Can't focus? Come to America. And run for congress.

  12. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm just hoping that Rep. King takes this to its logical conclusion. If we control the immigrants, by having them sold to "masters" who will look over the work and breeding, we would have plenty of laborers for our cotton fields and any laziness could be bred out, or at least beaten out of these immigrants by their masters.

    This is consistent with the Founders' original intentions for this country, and also with modern Conservative thought.

  13. niblick77

    Colombian Hookers, you want a vigorous one, not one that just lays there…… least that is what my friend who used to work for the Secret Service told me.

  14. Ducksworthy

    This is such a universal truth. Dogs, women, immigrants, slaves. They're all the same to Steve.

  15. FakaktaSouth

    I gotta say, I am dying to go to Iowa. Gay marriage, yes, Steve King, yeah sure him too. These people must get along with ANYbody.

    AND I thought Ameica was the best, but now we're the best because we came from other places TO here? We were the strong who survived? Is he being Darwinian on my ass and does he know it?

    1. prommie

      He's being fucktardian on your ass. What a maroon. Immigration is like dog-breeding, you pick the immigrants with the characteristics you want to breed. Oh, no, thats not eugenics or anything! I love the idea of "Donor civilizations," makes me wonder when we start harvesting them for their organs.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Holy hell I recognize that – that's slave talk. Oh man my heart just seized up. I don't like that shit none at all.

    2. prommie

      You got to get yourself to the Sodom and Gomorrah of Amurrica, the evil east and west coasts, where liberals and eeleets and homos run around wild and free and there is mass transit and theaters and all manner of socialisms (and higher wages, less obesity, higher levels of literacy, lower crime and teen pregnancy rates, etc. etc. etc.). Iowa? For fucks sake, might as well go to Tejas.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I do go to Texas, all the fucking time. And it DOES look like Iowa, all across that shit, corn fields, everywhere. BUT no gay marriage so shut up they suck. I've been to San Francisco. WHY do all the best places have to be so cold? I'm going to the Keys, I hear that's nice.

        1. PuckStopsHere

          Stick with what works: Stay home and wash your car. I don't know if you noticed, but we were still talking about that yesterday. And it wasn't even me who brought it up. I think you made an, uh, impression.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            This is a thing I did not know! That is most excellent. I have a big mouth, but I do like to stick my butt out, I can't help it.

        2. tessiee

          "WHY do all the best places have to be so cold?"

          When I lived in Ann Arbor, I figured out that the political climate of any given place is in directly inverse ratio to the meteorological climate. Good politics = bad weather.

          1. prommie

            Consider Sweden. Juxtapose Rwanda.

            Some would say, that climate impacts culture. A 365 growing cycle, means less need to plan ahead for the hardship of winter, less need to cooperate to meet the lean season, warmth means less time dealing with survival, more time for fighting. Seriously, equatorial plenty produces population increase results in constant war over resources. Polynesians, for example. Fight all the time.

          2. Jus_Wonderin

            Another example: Me and wifey that time the A/C went out. She's a ex now so the war is over.

        3. MosesInvests

          If you're coming to Texas, come to Austin. Lowest percentage of racist f*cksticks in the Great State, actual scenery and great beer, too. And while you're here, could you wash my car?

          1. FakaktaSouth

            My kid goes to camp in the Lone Star State so I get to come to Austin every year! LOOOOOVE IT. And of course, next time I come I'll pack my cutoffs and turtle wax.

          2. PuckStopsHere

            Check out the post yest FakaktaS. on Mr. Obama's visit to Joplin and johnnyzhivago's comment/replies and you will be up to speed. And, since we are on the topic, any chance you could wear some heels with those cutoffs???

          3. FakaktaSouth

            I have the sweetest pair of 6" red pumps – roll tide and all that. Not a problem.

          4. PuckStopsHere

            I am now going to create additional IntenseDebate profiles just so I can give that the multiple upfists it deserves. God, you are killing us here…

          5. chicken_thief

            You should also review the car wash scene in Cool Hand Luke, just so you have the proper "soap on, soap off" form.

          6. FakaktaSouth

            Yes, you are correct, as this all started because I compared myself to the lady in that exact movie, I was NOT actually washing a car. I was painting some kitchen cabinets, like a slut. It was funny, but that carwash scene is one of my all time favorites ever ever ever – I think it helped me decide what kind of girl I wanted to be. A hot, slutty, powerful one.

          7. MosesInvests

            Uh, BRB. But seriously, let me know when you're coming to ATX, and maybe we can arrange a mini Wonkette get-together at a brewpub or something.

          8. FakaktaSouth

            Definitely! Love it – I will be around in the middle of June, so WATCH OUT!

          9. BaldarTFlagass

            Mid June? Why hell, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers (formerly Refreshments) are playing at Antone's on the 15th, and at Gruene Hall on the 16th. If I recall correctly we had a discussion on this band? I may be at the Antone's show, will definitely be at the Gruene show. Look for the guy in the New England Patriots jersey.

          10. FakaktaSouth

            OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD YES!!! I am flying in on the 16th. Ho-ly holy. I have to see if this is a thing I can make happen. OH MY GOD.

          11. BaldarTFlagass

            The Gruene Hall show will be the better one to attend anyway, google the venue, it's classic. Gruene is in New Braunfels, about one hour south on Interstate 35 from the Austin airport. Don't know what time your flight arrives, but they generally don't hit the stage till 930 or 10, so you should have plenty of time to make it. See you there!

          12. BaldarTFlagass

            Yeah, the Hill Country is the exception that proves the rule. The state is big enough to have some diversity of landscape; the whole state does not look like the first scene in "The Last Picture Show."

          13. prommie

            I like the area near I-10 when you first get into texas, at least years ago, it was all refinery flares, at night, well, it looked like hell.

          14. FakaktaSouth

            That's where my kid goes, Kerrville is very lovely. And hell, Ft Worth is greeen with all the imported trees. But you gotta admit, there's a lot of corn in some places, no?

          15. prommie

            And Austin also has the most provincial hipsters you will ever meet. All they do is brag on how great Austin is for hours and hours until you just wish Austin would get swallowed up by a huge sinkhole and take their shitty-ass music scene with it. And Steiner Bock, too.

          16. MosesInvests

            Hipsters I can live without. And Steiner Bock? You're drinkin' the wrong stuff-I'm talkin' Real Ale Brewery in Blanco, or Live Oak here in ATX.

          17. chascates

            You can tell how long someone has lived in Austin by them telling you how much cooler things were 'X years ago'. As in "Wow, so many live bands each night in Austin." "Oh, you should have been here 15 years ago. I saw blah-blah-blah at the Hole in the Wall before they got popular.

          18. prommie

            Thats when you want to kill yourself, just end it all so you don't have to hear it. Skip it, watch Slackers, the beer travels.

        4. MissTaken

          SF in the summer is fucking miserable! I'm writing this while in my office with a scarf and sweater on. I had a heating blanket over me this morning but just turned that off.

          But our politics be good!

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I'm telling you, I loved it, I have never felt so "in my place" – but my ass (actually my face, the rest of me was wrapped up tight!) has NEVER experienced anything like the wind coming off the Bay. I was there in June a million years ago and GOOD LORD. I always wanted to go to Candlestick Park just to hang out with all the people I saw wearing bomber jackets in July on tv. I am half naked all the time, but our politics blow monkey dicks on good days. (but my actual mayor is a hot young Dem, so I have hope!)

          2. chicken_thief

            Candlestick wasn't too bad when one is in the sun. As the sun sets, though – stand the fuck by.

            As an aside, as a man who appreciates a nice ass on the fairer sex, SF is great! I think it is from walking up and down all the hills or something, but as a group, the ladies of SF have some fine buns.

          3. MosesInvests

            Years ago I lived in Fremont, and one hot summer day we decided to go to the beach at Half Moon Bay. We were wearing sweatshirts and huddling under a dune to try to stay out of the wind.

          4. George Skullfry

            Oh please. You sound like a Londoner (or a Portlander), poormouthing the place to keep people away. I lived in Marin and San Jo for forty years, and yeah, you always take a sweater (or a ski jacket if you're going to Candlestick), but half the time (okay, a third) you don't need it.

            And the spring and fall are gorgeous. Politics, also, too.

  16. Ruhe

    So you whistle for your dogs by talking about which dogs will come when you whistle?!! I see what you did there Stevie. Very clever.

  17. keinsignal

    "Donor civilizations"? Can I get a list of those? I've got some guesses (Mexico, Guatemala, most of Western Africa prior to 1863…) but I'd like to be sure we're both talking about the same thing here.

    1. iburl

      That phrase would seem a tad disparaging to those other civilizations.
      "I know that your country is centuries older than ours and all, but we just want your liver, so fork it over."

  18. BaldarTFlagass

    But who's going to express the dog's anal gland? It's really annoying when they start dragging their ass on the carpet.

  19. freakishlywrong

    I'm going to Iowa over the 4th of July. Only because I have to; to be kind to someone. I'm fucking dreading it.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      "I'm going to Iowa… to be kind to someone."

      Exhibit A for "The Martyr Syndrome."

    2. finallyhappy

      Davenport? I have to get there sometime in the next 2 years- after the election though

  20. Hacklebarney

    Steve King has his biggest challenger to date in one Christie Vilsack (that's right, Tom's wife). Even if you can't vote in the election you can do your part by donating to Christie's candidacy. Please, for the sake of our great state, help restore Iowa to sane-land by donating to Christie. If for no other reason than to see the wingnuts in west Iowa spontaneously combust.

  21. Texan_Bulldog

    It's good to be King (Steve) but not so much if you're a black King (Rodney).

    1. prommie

      Let me expand, Mr. King, he does not seem to agree that the Statue of Liberty welcomes the tired, the poor, the wretched refuse, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Perhaps the inscription should be changed to "we welcome your frisky, your strong, your good good breeding stock, so we can breed a nation of ubermenschen."

  22. BaldarTFlagass

    You know who else wanted to keep the pick of the litter and do away with the imperfect?

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Wait. You have your own personal homeless guy? We have to share the one on our streetcorner.

  23. Zombie_Reagan

    I'm still mystified by the wingnut stereotype that all immigrants [read: Hispanics] are lazy.

    Is it the guy mowing and mulching the lawns in 100-degree heat? The guy who spends eight hours a day washing stacks of dishes? The guy who works 12-hour shifts hanging drywall or painting your house?

    I'd love to hear more examples of these "lazy" folk.

  24. Jus_Wonderin

    If he knew the life my two dogs lived, he be horrified. The sleep all day. Get ton's of love. Just as much food. And, they have a "daddy" that pays their way.

    I think, if I can be reincarnated, I want to come back as one of my dogs.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, my dogs are the ultimate welfare queens. Lay around the yard all day, go bark at the occasional passerby/schoolbus/garbage truck, free chow, free medical, no ambition. The only difference between them and having children is that about the time a kid would be wanting a car and a $150K college education, they die of old age.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        BTF, the moment we bonded, I began the lament about their lifespan. I guess it is best as we wouldn't want them to outlive us.

        On the other hand, I had a horse that lived 35 years. One tends to get very attached to a horse that lives 35 years.

        1. OldWhiteLies

          We've got one in that advanced stage and it is an odd kind of heartbreak. Our pitty's in hoomin year #13. He is a pampered, always-indoor ex-show dog. (He early on outgrew his confirmation and that's how we got him.) It is so hard not to get sad every time I look at him; knowing we are close and dreading it. They are such a stoic breed that they don't show their pain much. So the end is often a fall-off-the-cliff thing.

          There's an urn on my wife's dresser in which resides the ashes of the last precious pampered pitty we had. Within a year there will surely be two.

          1. Jus_Wonderin

            Okay, you are going to make me cry, at work. And not like the times before (when I get my check). I feel you pain. This is where I pray there really is an afterlife so I can go visit them all one day.

    2. actor212

      And, they have a "daddy" that pays their way.

      I tried that with a Mexican and got a rash for my troubles. Also, had to change my credit cards

  25. tessiee

    “You want a good bird dog? You want one that’s going to be aggressive? Pick the one that’s the friskiest … not the one that’s over there sleeping in the corner.”

    So, if we're deciding who to let into the country, we should pick the people who are fighting and/or fucking and/or hitting other people over the head and taking their money, because we want our immigrants to be aggressive, rather than docile and easily controlled?

  26. MissTaken

    Wow, Santorum was right! You let homos get married and next thing you know it's all man-on-dog.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      Would the next step be same sex dog marriage? Because, and it might be just a generational thing, I am against that.

  27. prommie

    In the words of Lou Reed, "Give me your tired, your poor, and I'll piss on them, thats what the statue of Bigotry says." Out on the dirty boulevard.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      My favorite thing Lou Reed ever said was

      Candy came from out on the island,
      In the backroom she was everybodys darling,
      But she never lost her head
      Even when she was given head – she said
      Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.

  28. rickmaci

    Wouldn't that make the people who repeatedly try crossing the border at night, in the middle of the desert, without water or food, covering hundreds of miles on foot, the "friskiest" candidates for citizenship?

    1. prommie

      Now you must remind me who said that first, I know the remark, was "I liked it better in the original german." Was it something someone said about a Nixon speech?

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        Molly Ivins, about Pat Buchanan's speech at the 1992 Republican convention. When he talked about there being a cultural war in the US.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Yeah, Molly was my source. It's such a beautiful quote that I've never stopped finding excuses to use it.

  29. DemmeFatale

    Want a stubborn dog that's hard to train?
    Want a dog that has its own agenda?
    Want a dog that's aggressive (really?!)?
    Want a dog you can tie to the roof of your car?

    Steve "Dog Whisperer" King has all the answers.

  30. UnholyMoses

    I'd make a crack about King liking it doggy style, but I'd have to pour a gallon or two of bleach into my ear canal just to try and get the mental image out of my head …

  31. OneYieldRegular

    That dadgum bird dog Eduardo Saverin was frisky. Now he's taking his "vigor from the planet" and moving to Singapore.

  32. SayItWithWookies

    Steve King's frontal lobe has been over there sleeping in the corner for years.

  33. shortsandpants

    Steve could use a grammar lesson from K-Fed after that last statement, BTW. The God of Engrish est mad 'tet 'em.

    1. MissTaken

      He came up with this gem while screwing in an incandescent bulb for the fifth time this year.

  34. Wonderthing

    I like the "donor civilizations" line. Like the rest of the world is just spare parts for the good old USE Esay.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      The stupid arrogance of that line is only one of the reasons why I would like to repeatedly punch Steve King in the neck.

  35. Guppy

    King suggested lazy immigrants should be avoided as well.

    Then close whatever the fuck doors Rupert Murdoch and Eduardo Saverin came in through. Or is "hard-working" a dog-whistle for "has a fat wallet?"

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Add John Derbyshire, Mark Steyn, Michelle Malkin, David Frum, David Brooks and Peter Brimelow to that list too.

  36. Wile E. Quixote

    When you think about it King's dog analogy explains a lot about Congress. You look at things that dogs regularly do, humping your leg, sniffing your crotch, sniffing each others asses, licking their balls, pissing on things to mark their territory and snarfing up Kitty Roca from the cat box and then you look at Congress and, well, you get the picture.

  37. timbo71351

    What the fuck is wrong with people that they want an asshole like this representing them in Washington, D.C.? I wouldn't trust that fuckstick to take out my garbage, much less look after the best interests of me and my family.

  38. proudgrampa

    Time for some Everly Brothers.

    Hey, bird dog get away from my quail
    Hey, bird dog you're on the wrong trail
    Bird dog you better leave my lovey-dove alone
    Hey, bird dog get away from my chick
    Hey, bird dog you better get away quick
    Bird dog you better find a chicken little of your own

    That's about right.

  39. valthemus

    Guys like him should be kept separate from the normal House members. Steve King is the living argument for a congressional short bus.

  40. ttommyunger

    The fact that Steve King is certifiable should not diminish his status as a truly world-class idiot.

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